Bill Burr is on Bobby's Radar | TigerBelly 274

did you shave your head for a part huh a roll no i'm bald no no but you're going bald i know but did you because you still had some stuff residue of hair residue yeah yeah you had residue you know you could yeah it's one of those things are we going right now no we don't there's no there's no rules but okay i'm just asking you a question okay right i'm gonna answer i i understand that but why are you your head looks like you know um darth vader when he took his [ __ ] helmet off wasn't remember that when he was just all [ __ ] up yeah yeah yeah what is that is that the that's fine you're bill burr but i'm i'm trying to answer your questions yeah go ahead i'm just processing you coming out of the gate [ __ ] on me um yeah you know when you start to lose your hair you got three options and there's subsets to all of them all right okay you can do the rogaine the hair plugs right system of [ __ ] all of that propecia a [ __ ] uh they glue some [ __ ] on your head they take some some of your pube hair and you get an afro yeah or you can uh just sort of let it happen which you were doing which i was like that's the dope way to do it oh i'm glad i'm glad i had your approval or you can just say [ __ ] it yeah and do what i did so i just said [ __ ] it okay and and i do i love how you came at me aggressive and now you're going you got your pink this little panda hand i love how you got my little pound hand huh that's what you look like you look like a little panda i know i was just because when you took your shirt like a little adolescent bear i'm fine i'll take they're cute they're adorable i know they're very adorable but i was just asking because when you took your head off i was a little shocked that's all you know what i mean what are your thoughts i i've had my head shaved for [ __ ] 10 years really yes oh but you're always wearing little like i know what i know what you were doing you were doing like you know you reads love to do with like the ron howard thing and you guys always wear that director cap oh all right and they hide it prestige prestige hats yeah oh it's i don't want to catch a cold that too that's also a very when you shave your head if it gets cold your head your head gets cold quick yeah your head gets really cold so that's what it is but i've had my head shaved like this for [ __ ] like the better part of a decade and i know i've i've been having consistent conversations with you so i gotta admit i'm a little hurt yeah i think it was the way you took it off just now was it was very dramatic and um listen i wanna let's start over let we're gonna keep that stuff in right let's start from the beginning let's do the introduction and whatnot right but i have to just say that i literally just took my hat off [Laughter] he looks like that dude in between the penalty boxes and hockey yeah yeah um um so uh start go ahead [Music] i didn't kill a man something like that right what a great movie bohemian yeah really good movie uh we got all the characters in the house um by the way um i was in the doctor's office this morning i'm fine but um just fyi little medical uh note um i had black poo black or bloody well black is bloody unless you take unless you ingest bismuth which is in pepto-bismol then you're over the weekend had black pool or iron yeah and wait a minute yeah so if somebody said i had blood in my stool they don't actually see blood they see it's black right so the higher up in your um gi the black what sort of background do you have i was a nurse okay so yeah wow wow cause you really came off like i was like no this happens a lot on podcast all of a sudden i'm listening to a comedian like telling me how my liver works i'm just like wait a minute who the [ __ ] are you okay i'm sorry all right so you're a nurse all right so the higher up on your gi that the bleeding happens let's say it's a veneer talk shop what's g.i intestinal yeah yeah the higher up a pilot all right so we're in the gi yeah the ti the higher up in your guts that the bleeding is happening the darker your stool is going to be if it's right at the rectum then it's going to be more like what they call like frank blood like brighter red blood now why do they call it frank blood i have no idea meaning like frankly yeah like frank like obviously obvious obvious or it could be a guy you're like you know like maybe it's an actual guy named frank yeah with the first type of blood and they just named it after the guy yeah now blood in your stool you're done no no no that just seems like what if you're done that's like your oil pants leaking the engine's gonna cease and then that's just you hit a curb or something i mean i just feel like that is the it's the radiator it's not good yeah i'll tell you that i tell you this it's not good it could be as simple as an ulcer so i shoot we're in the desert and i go i just you know i just threw it out there now is it is an ulcer a simple thing um it can be it can be brought on by just stress even you can bring on ulcer spikes most ulcers that are brought on by this thing called h pylori which is a bacteria that like you know just happens on people once in a while and it causes um like over acidity and it causes your you know kind of what are the warning signs of that extreme pain ulcers are painful oh okay back to my [ __ ] yeah can we go back to my [ __ ] please dude that was that right there was the most the most i've ever learned on a podcast ever and i i think about 40 000 hours in i could can i come back and just ask you medical questions you know like there are comics that call her for medical uh but for really dumb ones though like santino showed me a little like needle prick on his finger and he was like do i need to go to urgent care esther calls you all the [ __ ] time about [ __ ] i'm also not a practicing nurse yeah how did you get out of that and into this this [ __ ] he said you know what you should tinder baby your job and just hey baby hey baby tinder no but it's an unbelievable asset to have on a podcast someone actually knows what they're talking about thank you well that's the reverse oh goodness the reverse of my podcast yeah but dating her though we live together right so it's like there's ups you know and there are some good qualities but also i can't win an argument ever well not when it's right ever like i can't wait what now when it comes to black anything really about politics obviously something like dummy you'll be like no that's wrong or like she's just because you're arguing that's not how you win an argument how do you do it then you get quiet you just go okay no that's fine it's fine and then that that [ __ ] with them that's that's what bald head did it people do that it [ __ ] with them all right okay all right no you know what i'll work on that and then they get nervous like oh [ __ ] am i being a nag yeah it's the only word that scares them can i give you the prognosis of my [ __ ] though first i would love to know about the prognosis i've heard enough election talk let's talk about your rectum so i mention it right and they go we gotta go to the doctor i went over there today and my my my doctor dr kawashiri can i say his name you can't well you just did yeah he's a great guy yeah he's good yeah yeah he's one of the best don't believe it okay i'll make a living i'll make louder yeah maybe they'll that maybe there's some promotion there for him oh good yeah maybe does he specialize in asians i mean i mean with a last name like that you know what's weird he could it he could because i go to my doctor dr o'hullahan he specializes in cirrhosis of the liver yeah maybe i should switch it up yeah maybe i should get a black doctor or something it just it seems could you be a little more woke and maybe yeah go to another race for your doctoring all right so he goes so he goes uh i tell him the problem he goes okay so um and i you know i i i've never been like one to go are you sure about bending over like i'm like you know me i'm i i jump in there's a party i'll jump in so i bend over take my pants off obviously right and what did you do first oh that's interesting that's interesting oh yeah that's interesting i think i [ __ ] been i thought that was gonna get a laugh i thought it was a ridiculous question how's she gonna break it he just goes oh that's interesting no no i thought that was an interesting thing you know because you're gonna answer this a normal person would have take taken the pants off first and then bend over but what you just said was i did bend over first and then took my pants off that's so [ __ ] weird oh my gosh and i bent over and there was that that that moment where the doctor goes you know what i mean oh my god what are you doing ah right and i go i know how it works this is the way i do it right so i bent over then i like it you made it weird back yeah yeah yeah i reversed it it took control of the weirdness i like it now he's weirded out right and he goes what are you waiting for big boy [Laughter] so he does you know he you first you hear a noise like something's coming out of a tube okay right you cut right so he has to put the lube on and whatnot he has the glove on and then he doesn't um you know he pearl harbors it i mean i know he's kawarashiri but instead of her alarm was like yeah but he told you he was doing it it wasn't a sneak attack it was a it was no he said hey sit down next to me because i want a 3-2-1 don't you want a 3-2-1 when it comes to your [ __ ] someone yelling that out three i'd rather one band-aid off no no not me don't you want that oh there's opposition i will be entering your [ __ ] in three yeah two so i can like lynch or whatever my body does they usually say going to be a little cold because of the cold he said nothing you're going to fend over pressure for a little pressure is a classic medical and bent over pull the pants out and then bonsai cindy goes it's just my um index finger right yeah i got no that was your thumb bro he thumbed it you're positive i i i i don't have reverse you know i mean sight reverse sight i mean i don't have there's no i don't know if there's cameras in the room but i think he [ __ ] thumbed it it hurt or i might have a tight [ __ ] or he has short fingers i never thought of the third [ __ ] option yeah yeah you could have you've got little hands maybe he's got a little head you probably gave him a complex he came home came home all moody and his girlfriend's like what's the matter i don't want to talk about it what's the matter it happened again what happened oh i put my index finger in somebody's [ __ ] and they were convinced it was my thumb you don't understand it's a man thing okay yeah yeah yeah baby i might have [ __ ] his day up but good news is that he i don't know how he checks but he goes no blood well you're not going to know for a while sweetheart no but he goes that's a big thing he goes if he goes there's no traces of blood in the entrance of the calamari so he's like you know he said that you know because i'm going to hawaii friday so i don't i don't want to be like do i have colon cancer or yeah but you can't you're going to need a colonoscopy you're almost 50. did you do one yeah it's the easiest thing ever yeah like okay this is going to smell like peppermint and then five seconds later it's like all right your ass is great no problems that's literally what it feels like yeah but what sucks is the day of the day before the stuff you have to drink is a little bit gross but when you're waiting that versus dying to ask cancer it's just like all right yeah i'll definitely i'll choose this yeah yeah but dude you literally go to sleep and it feels like you're asleep for three seconds and then you wake up you can't they're done oh now you're awake going [Laughter] for like 45 minutes or whatever i don't mean like i don't know how long it was wow but they do knock you out yeah you go out you literally go you like lay in there you close your eyes and it feels like three seconds later and you wake up and it's done and you know what happened but you don't remember it so it's it's a little unsettling yeah is there like as the day as the day goes on is there like if there was something up there there's our feelings of some intrusion no oh it's you don't even have like the usually when you go under general anesthesia you have like the whole you know kind of loopy for a couple hours the propofol you're up and running as soon as you they pull that thing out your butt you're good to go they tell you to drive your ass home you're like no no no no they i had to have somebody with me oh that's why they didn't give you propofol they gave me the propofol because i had a scope up there and i had a scope awake oh that was two weeks ago one time i gave you a scope up there baby [Laughter] so anyway i know you don't like um hi i know you don't like compliments um you get uneasy about compliments so i'm just trying to swing it your way um yeah why can't we just keep doing what we're doing here no because i think that would be way more because it wouldn't be tiger belly if i didn't you know what i mean maybe weird make a little weird but um i'm just going to tell you how i discovered you i you know i i do owe my whole career to you yeah i was i don't know i was struggling until no obviously i don't know not discover you in terms of like you did it on your own obviously but no in terms of my my awareness of you oh can i tell you that story i remember it was a big day in my career bobby lee is finally aware of me am i on bobby lee's radar see this is what he's doing this is when things start to happen i'm not gonna allow this to that reversal i'm not yeah i'm not gonna allow this to happen very soon yeah i'm just gonna plug away you know what i mean listen you can talk to him all you want i can hear it plexiglas it's not sound proof so years ago years ago um i had no idea who you were and um i was in a car with steve byrne and ken jung and we're fl i'm driving from san francisco to la because we had to do gigs together at that time because we couldn't draw on our own and so uh stephen loved oasis we kept playing oasis over and over again like he still does i know right it's like give it a rest right they have three songs good songs champagne supernova wonder wall and some other one okay don't look back in that that's it great songs but that's it so he and i we go what do we listen to nikki and he goes well i have a friend from new york you know he you're you know we have his comedy cd and we're like we just said well i want to listen to [ __ ] comedy right now bro what the [ __ ] yeah you know we're [ __ ] eight hours in the [ __ ] [ __ ] with some open mic [ __ ] seat or whatever right he puts it in no it was very funny but there was one bit about you in the subway and then you saw some guy pick a girl up and then your high pitched voice you i mean oh yeah i was grabbing it by the back hurting me oh the bit right and we laughed so hard and that's when you know me and went out oh bill bill bill burr and then um now you're one of the greatest comics on the on the planet how does that feel what's that character you just i don't even take it no it's just i'm plugging away i'm doing all right you're doing all right well it's great because of the fact that it's like you know here's here's the deal the honest truth is this i just love that whole body like okay here's here's the deal here let's get real let's get real so um you know i'm almost 50 and i feel like um things are kind of slowly happening for me as well right it's just nice to see like you've been on [ __ ] television for like almost 30 years what are you talking about mad tv oh my god and everything okay first of all mad tv was like doing community theater that's how much we got paid i'm not well i'm just i'm just talking i'm just telling you i know did you get [ __ ] over in show business did you think there was a big pot of gold and somebody else took it from you yeah that's what happens but you were still on tv you still walk down the street and people like oh my god it's bobby lee from mad tv okay fine fine you're right and i'm grateful okay but i'm just saying the amount of empathy that i have for you right now is just awesome how much of your day is trying to pick this up [Laughter] and see the thing about him though i have to stand okay yeah yeah go ahead think about him i feel like i'm getting cross-examined yeah thing about him is that he he has a ways he's one of those guys like whitney is like that too where she sees you know me behaving in a certain way to garner some sort of sympath sympathy or you know i'm doing something psychological right so that i can get something out of something and he sees throughout where other people they fall into it and they go oh no you know and they you know i mean i've just been around a lot of dirt bags i've been taking advantage of a couple of times i know when it's happening yeah but you could see through that but i'm just saying that um let's go back to what i was doing originally which is um you're doing well and congratulations that's all i wanted to [ __ ] say thank you i appreciate that i appreciate that i mean you're killing it i love the mandalorian right you all of a sudden i didn't even know you were on it and um when you're watching something you love right and then you see a guy that you know up there killing it you go oh my god it's [ __ ] crazy right and then like and then he's in the the the the apatow movie and uh but you know he's killing it that's all i wanted to say i know you don't like compliments i caught up to you i know you don't like compliments why don't comics why do comics not like compliments i know i think some of them do look i i respect you know other comics liking what i do i do enjoy that [ __ ] but i don't want to sit here and just like listen to that you're giving him the worst experience i just want to like hang out and take whoever's watching this laugh you don't have to go james lipton when you did that [ __ ] joke on comedy central yeah because this is your first time on this podcast right yeah so i just i need to get that out of the way i'm a big fan of it too i always put the little heart on all your clips i always think that they always think it's funny thank you and so you know from now on when you do it i will never bring it up right i just had to say it you don't need to put it on record oh put what on record that you know the uh how i discovered you and you know what i mean with a how i feel about you you know i feel just real good tingly warm feelings towards you that's all well thank you yeah and i think you're doing great stuff that's awesome we don't have to [ __ ] talk about it whoever knew that my career would come down to a car full of asians driving up some german irish guy from massachusetts who knew i needed the west coast asian 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black friday slash cyber monday you can still use the promo code tiger brooklyn.com for 10 off and free shipping in the us anytime enjoy the rest of the show when you're starting in new york was there a lot of minorities doing it back then back in the day or now i started in massachusetts in boston yeah and it was uh it was 99 white guys yeah and there was a handful of white female comics and then there was there was like it was patrice uh dwayne perkins perkins was then back well he started a few years after uh uh gerald bennett i mean it was literally it was like handful there was like four or five yeah you didn't write carrie you didn't know lauren dambrowski back then did you no okay london prosecutors from boston from that scene was she a catch comic yes the catch comics were [ __ ] amazing yeah when i was uh when i was starting out and that was the scene that started the original alt scene that was amazing yeah the original the original two three waves was amazing and it's just like anything else then it's just sort of like it's kind of like yeah leveled out well you know what i mean it was like it was like it was started by people that actually did clubs and had to perform in front of all different kinds of people and then they wanted to stretch out and then eventually once all those art rooms got going and they were packed then you could start there so you didn't have to learn how to make you know mechanics and and veterinarian this guy is a construction worker and this person's a college student all together how to you they you didn't have to learn that skill right right then i felt that like when i would do those rooms they were i felt like i was on like like it was almost like a radio station like i make uh white hipsters from 18 to 27 laughs it was like a demographic yeah yeah yeah it's what i felt whereas if i went to the comedy clubs it was you know black white male female it was all kinds of stuff going on um all different types of jobs sobriety and all kinds of stuff like that yeah it's where alt rooms to me is like when i first played one i go i just bought i would say i bombed but that's just the way they react right in terms of no they were they were it was great for like 10 11 years and i'm going back to like 90 all back in 90 495 when they first started coming around those ones that started in like new york and i'm sure they did one here in l.a too i used to go and uh i mean dude it was like bob odenkirk david cross dana gould patton maybe i saw patton there first time i saw mitch hedberg i saw that i mean dude it was [ __ ] beasts yeah yeah marin it was just it was like it was it was a it was it was everybody was coming up swinging the lumber and then somewhere along the line it just it it uh you know it's like anything it was just like the comedy clubs the comedy clubs were great and then um the reason the art room started was because the comedy clubs got started yeah well yeah so you couldn't get in almost right well i think there was just there was a i mean it was i hadn't been in it long enough but basically it was sort of the the the tail end of the hang over the 80s and people with their sleeves pulled up going what's up with that what's up with everything yeah yeah yeah yeah i've been doing comedy 10 minutes and now i'm a headliner you know yeah and then that crashed and then out of that you know it was sort of an escape from like well it was so over saturated and on every channel that there became like these expectations oh do the airplane bit go to the go into the dentist bit there was all of these sort of um well dennis miller some one time is the basic recipe he was talking about and because they were asking how he came out of that and did this holy totally different thing that he did so that sort of went down just died of its own weight and then out of that when i started out like places like you know when i went down to new york the comedy cellar like you do nights that be five people in the crowd oh really like the whole [ __ ] night i always thought that the seller was always packed throughout its history no no they they were struggling like everybody was like during the week the weekends they would be all right but during the week in the 90s there was a period where it was you know it was like and then there was this comic lewis schaefer louis uh who's now in london england he started getting late night spots and he would go out and he would bark because he wanted a crowd and he had this really like funny way of being disarmingly in your face yeah and like he he had like these horn room glasses and his whole thing was louis schaefer not gay i was like louis shaffer and he would just like yell across the street hello lovely black people huh and he became like this celebrity in the village and he would just be like louis schaefer not gay you have a comedy show and he would do this whole thing and he would like already have him laughing yeah yeah and he would bring him in and then other comics who had to go on after him was psyched because you had a crowd so then uh he started getting regular spots there and then and then the barking thing sort of started with him as far as i remember it started with him but then um you know i would say like uh it started getting going again in the late 90s and then it was starting to dip again it was really like you know because the alt rooms were just where everybody wanted to be like those were the cool ones this place surf reality when i saw these guys just doing crazy amazing stuff and then um but ever since like 9 11 9 11 happened they're like is anything ever going to be funny again they've just been packed and i think the reason why this hasn't been another dip was because during that time with social media and all of that stuff all these comics could suddenly be in charge of their careers and start putting out specials when they wanted to rather and then that caused everybody to have to become prolific to survive so then there was just all of this new stuff and just everybody was just getting better um i mean the amount of stand-up specials put out in the last 10 years i bet prior to that there's more specials put out in last 10 years than ever because you know hbo would do like every couple two three years right they would hand select five white guys and one white woman yeah and a black guy whatever whatever that is i used to love their young comedian specials yeah they were great i used to watch them you know i mean and i couldn't wait when they would there was maybe five or six that i saw over yeah that's where i saw all the people that i know today you know what i mean but it was like an event for me when i was a kid watching those things yeah and hbo was those were the were the best ones and um that's why you saw hicks for the first time bill hicks kennedy when the rodney dangerfield ones yep kenneth's in right you know that club just closed what danger fields why yeah uh kovid man it just they didn't make food and i don't know how long can you keep that thing going so that [ __ ] place do you know that place for like seven years the reverb was just it was like an echo on the mic and i would be constantly i'd like a bit about it because if you started to yell if you didn't pull the mic away it sounded like you were down a well i used to do this bit about it yeah and then finally some guitar act came in there after eight years walked over to the mixer that was this big and went just turned it down and for eight years for eight years the sound was [ __ ] up every single show yeah and somebody changed it by just by somebody just walked over wow did that yeah that was it you know i only played the seller one time and it was my showcase i had already i had already been on mad tv and everything right and i was in new york i had nothing to do like i had no clubs to play i didn't know what to do so i called steve byrne i go can i play the seller he's like well sd has to see you so i go oh [ __ ] i have to showcase yeah so on a friday night late i had to follow and it was one of those place where you walk in and you see the lineup and you want to leave because it's like hard hitters you know what i mean like patricia always wants to leave he always wants to leave and then he always kills and then he kills and then he acts like what he does is easy to follow it's so stupid he's up there with his shirt off hopping the stool it's just like dude you think i want to go on after that what's this me by the way is this okay that's it for you yeah well first of all i've changed okay i have changed i know you're sitting up you're pointing very aggressive confidence i like get confident all right i have changed i used to do that [ __ ] yes okay but and i know and i'm aware of my actions all right but i had you know an out-of-body experience of like stop doing that whitney called me out on it one night and i don't do it anymore don't do any water anymore when i look at a lineup i go no matter who's before me i don't say anything out anything out loud i might feel some things right because you when you look at the letter because [ __ ] burr rogan i got to follow these guys i don't i'll really say it i just sit there i don't leave i man up i [ __ ] do the spot right do you yes i do finally yeah i [ __ ] do them now it's frustrating to watch you go through that every night he's so [ __ ] funny and talented it's like when are you gonna stop doing the tortured artist thing and just go up there and you killed every time i'm trying to think of a time i ever saw you bomb you never did you nailed it you do do that tortured artist thing a little bit too [ __ ] much and for too long yeah that's [ __ ] annoying it's so funny he pretends to play chat the [ __ ] up bill he pretends to play chess and he pretends to read books to look and he pretends to speak to himself when we first started dating he would do this thing where he would just out of nowhere start like having conversations with himself it's the whole tortured artist look why we would now what about that did you think was appealing it's out of curiosity i'm sweating a little bit i'll be honest with you okay yeah i used to i i used to perform you mean certain things the way i sat i told you the way yeah i don't like sitting like this but i do forced it yeah i forced my legs to do this right because i'm more of this kind of guy yeah you know what i mean i'm really i'm really i've got like i'm like this kind of thing yeah right yeah the squat the squat but gambling in vietnam i just saw like nine oliver stone movies so uh heaven on earth so i um i i saw a rock star one time i was at a coffee shop and i saw one of my favorite local musicians you know in in my city of san diego sit like this he had no shoes on and he was sitting like that drinking coffee and i thought to myself i'm gonna i'm gonna sit like that yeah so i would go home right and my legs wouldn't even do it i'd have to i'd have to you know be painful painful you know me for years and now i can do that and this is all an act what i don't want this hurts so bad right now committed but if i'm at a coffee shop i t bands you just need to stretch something yeah but if i'm at a coffee shop part of your gi i'll sit like this i'll smoke like this right i don't want to smoke like this i didn't know you smoked i would i have not smoked a cigar in forever and i would i would have come over here and smoked you have a cigar in the car i don't know i don't have one so i do this right and i'm mumbling myself i'm not really mumbling with myself it's this is so embarrassing to even admit but i i i used to do things right like that like pretend to read dostoyevsky yes i'll have a dostoevsky book like the idiot never read it how old were you when you were doing this i would probably in my 20s right it's borderline the late bloomer dude we all did that i used to do i almost robbed a movie theater one time just so i could have something cool to talk about mere women that i was afraid to talk about yeah that's talk too yeah we do things you know i mean but that's not why a movie theater oh man this is a long story but like the dude that i knew uh he had already robbed it okay he had to rewrote it this has been long enough it's been long enough so what he did already did i got to tell this story vaguely okay all right so let's just say there was this guy right yeah this is it's really just punk stuff so he went to a movie yeah that nobody wanted to see and he went to the last showing and he waited for the five six people that went to it they emptied out and then in him his buddy went up and they stood behind the screen and they just let them clean up and lock up and then they locked up and then when they went out this is like the 80s and then they [ __ ] turned the asteroids game around and pac-man it and broke the padlock got all the quarters and then just went out the door and by the time the alarm and the cops get there you're gone yeah so then he goes to me um he goes you know there's a safe in the office and i'm like all right [Laughter] i don't know how to talk to women yeah this sounds good to me so it's the same thing going to go to some [ __ ] movie nobody sees you stand behind the screen and then when they leave i go well they're going to lock the office door and he goes no but they got the ceiling tire he goes you just push those things up and over and then his idea was we were gonna just take the whole safe because it wasn't big ah and then take it out throw it in the back of my truck and i go and then what i got because then we drive away i go how do we get it open i [ __ ] hit it with a sledgehammer blowtorch and [ __ ] well here's the thing about a safe two things you don't want somebody be able to open it and you don't want somebody to be able to pick it up and leave with it i mean the heaviest [ __ ] it was the stupidest [ __ ] idea um ever and i was gonna do it and i called it off and not even out of just this is stupid i something came up and i called it off right right and oh we would have been on america's dumbest criminals without a doubt how are we going to get up and over the door because this is the thing there was a big glass lobby and then the office was in the corner so if you happen to be driving by and watching this dude giving me like ten fingers however the [ __ ] we're gonna do it and then like how are we gonna get the safe out right we don't have a two-wheeler we don't get we don't have anything to put it on yeah what were we gonna do other than we were gonna get caught and i asked the cop one time what what i would have got i go oh you would have done uh you would have done about three years for that oh something like that yeah yeah he goes well there's no gun involved he kind of broke the whole thing down three to five you'd probably do half two and a half three you'd be out my my i my cousin and i robbed a dr ross dress for less i mean rob the the no he went in pretending he had a gun he was 16. oh my god right and when he ran in without even anything happening i drove away you left him there i left him there what happened to him now because i thought cop i heard cops coming yeah right he had just walked in cops are coming it was just like it's like hypochondria and i just left him there right yeah and and then he turned out when he walked in he didn't do the gun thing he just tried to steal some shoes because he had like a toy gun that he was gonna right but he went to juvie but i ran away from home i lived in in my car in orange county for a week right and then and then i called my mom but um yeah that was really scary that was my that's the last criminal thing that i had done i think it's even more criminal that you left your own i'm a power i'm a coward i'm a cow i already i already know that i own up to i already own up to that [ __ ] i'm a coward i'm weak you know what i mean we had one week you cover up the license plate with snow and then the person goes into the liquor store acts like they're gonna buy the case of beer and then right as you get up to register then you just run out jump in the car and you take off so we sent uh the flakiest friend we had for some dumb reason to go in and do it yeah and he ended up chicken he chickened out right and then we every weekend we would do it and every weekend he would chicken out and then that became the bit let's just send him in there watch him [ __ ] up and then just stand there and be like i don't have an id and we would die laughing and then try to get somebody to buy booze for us so one day we were like day drinking and we were [ __ ] hammered and we were my buddies station wagon me him and this this dude and we went to this liquor store and i was like all right dude i didn't even cover up the license plates of summertime all right go over there do it so i'm sitting there with this other guy and we're just laughing and then he goes he's not really going to do this is he got that he's just going to chicken out and we'll find somebody else it's a funny thing and then all of a sudden we just heard this commotion he comes he comes running around i'm never getting he ran around the corner and he's looking back instead of running he's he's he's uncoordinated and he's got a case of beard he's looking back dude and i swear to god the fattest chick you've ever seen in your life is right on his ass with a pencil and a [ __ ] pad of paper so now we're starting to drive away oh oh oh come on come on i got the tailgate down on the on on the station wagon yeah yeah and he dives in and as we're driving away i hear her yell out like she's like bx 958 i got it and then my buddy driving is almost in tears he's like dude what the [ __ ] did you do why did you do that you said he wasn't gonna do it like he always chickened out he always said we gotta get rid of the beer so we go into this it's just typical punk suburb [ __ ] so we pull in and i and i'm hammered yeah i grabbed this case of b and i run up this guy's lawn and i see somebody vaguely in the driveway looking at me and i throw it under the shrub and then run away with the owner of the house looking at me that's how drunk i was you get in the car we leave long story short uh my buddy's neighbor was a cop he recognized the plate and then he goes oh gee that's my jerk off neighbor i'll handle that after work and then what ended up happening was um the dude who did it and the dude who drove got in trouble for it and they didn't bring up that i was there oh so then they went to court and i was like well there's no reason for you to go because they don't know and then they they had to pay some like uh some fine conduct on becoming a good citizen yeah they got like community service and [ __ ] like that's like east coast good fellow [ __ ] you don't rat you don't rat no that's straight across the board you don't rat which is what's so funny now all these comics trashing other comics on social media i just don't understand that it's just like what like you've you've become like comics already get [ __ ] why would you go if you don't like somebody special or you or whatever you don't like something that they said i don't know that's that's a that's a new uh phenomenon there's a lot of new phenomenons this year and um i don't want to get into it but let's get into it no because it's going to deal with stuff that we don't want to talk about like cancel culture and whatnot you know what i mean but in terms of like yeah who cares people ratting people to uh out and you know what i mean and it's been a very a difficult thing you know i have an snl character idea it's called twitter lawyer yeah twitter lawyer twitter lawyer do you have any opening statements yes your honor i'm all out of [ __ ] that is the funniest opening statement to just burning down somebody's life um but it is it is what it is it is what it is it is what it is uh but my generation would have been doing the same thing if we came up on um on computers and stuff it's a weird sort of thing you think it's not a like a new mentality you think it's just access to um a keyboard no i think it's the uh the power of not being face to face where when i was growing up like there was a rule and i agree this is so funny to hear now but when i was growing up there was a rule you went to a party or somebody invited you over you do not bring up politics and you don't bring up religion and then like social media is the inverse of that where it's just like everything you're not supposed to bring up you bring up and all rules of common decency are just out the window and and um you know the whole hey i can't you know as a guy growing up there was always that you know there was there's that line you learn where the line is if i go past that line i'm risking getting the [ __ ] kicked out of me and that is sort of um you know it's like disappeared um it's funny because like even the i i have to admit like i i've discovered a couple of comics that i love that are that could be you know republicans or whatnot right they're not out but i think you hear rumors and my initial responses what is wrong with that i know i know i'm just there's nothing wrong with that they're not out yeah they're not out as a republican no you know they did they keep their stuff private is what i meant yeah because liberals are out of their [ __ ] i understand that i understand that lord listen to my [ __ ] point though okay let me finish my point okay my initial reaction is like uh right but it's like no it's i'm just gonna make up a name it's joey he's a good guy you know i mean it's like you know it's like it has nothing to do with we're in it this isn't bill right i just we're in a volatile like i just love how judgmental the left is you don't know anything about he's a good guy he's he is still probably i understand i understand but at the end of the day it's like all these even now because of the of politics and the election all that stuff like i try not to like let it ruin or dictate how i feel and whatnot because at the end of the day it doesn't make who you are as a person you know i mean your political affiliation you know we there's good guys everywhere there's bad guys everywhere you have a wide variety of people in your life yeah that's what i'm saying it goes back to those art rooms where it just became like it was just everybody was it's like it was the echo chamber of it that i that was what um i found fascinating to go in and do comedy in front of like that that like if you were to graph the people in the room like it was almost like a like a straight like there wasn't oh this guy does this and this person's over here was just sort of like you know like uh like what do you got like just like all the dots were like right there right there yeah yeah yeah which made it like uh i don't know it was so easy to get into trouble right during your set there because it was just like there was just one place where you could score right you wouldn't have a brian holtzman in a room like that i mean i would that's exactly [Laughter] but no i i think uh you know that's why i watched i just find that like that's stuff fascinating i i try to you know i definitely you know i joke about politics and [ __ ] like that but you know i'm not gonna get on somebody because they're you know like if you say you're liberal i don't then think like oh that means that you're this this i mean there's so many there's this spectrum of being on the left is the spectrum of being on the right you know and um i don't know i'm kind of hoping that we we maybe learned something over the last 20 years of just you know everybody just [ __ ] like half the country just [ __ ] on whoever's i really feel like the first george bush was the last guy who was kind of allowed to be president without half of his country trying to take him out of office yeah kind of started with the clinton lying under oath about the blow job and then it was bush stole the election and obama's not from here and everything trump did was just like you know i mean i don't know how that helps people but it doesn't it doesn't and i think we're at a precipice and that's why i stopped giving you [ __ ] bobby i was just like you know what i need to bring the two ghosts together all right but here's i wanna is that old boy right behind you yeah oh my god dude i got a horror movie but for people at home he told me about this movie like 10 years ago and i that one and then the audition oh my god well i i you invited me to your birthday party one time yes and uh i brought you the dvd of old boy as a gift yes you did yeah and i told you to watch it and um yeah and it freaked me out and i actually one of the most amazing scenes i've ever seen the way that they shot the uh the main character is got a whole hallway of people that he has to fight so they built this hallway amazing and they they cut out the wall and just had this guy and they just all a one shot of them going everybody talks about like the scorsese you know good fellow shot that amazing one he goes in this is basically that with like he's also fighting 500 people yeah and then i i saw the audition um and i got into like you know asian horror movies and like but they were just so they were so beyond what we were doing over here i was like this is like bananas yeah i saw a really uh weird one not necessarily scary but a weird one on the criterion channel i saw there's a movie from horror movie from the early 70s called uh let's scare jessica to death no no no really i swear to god i love horror movies let's scare jessica to death yes and i'm telling you not necessarily scary yeah as much as it's it's weird i've got to seem korean is it korean no no no jessica jessica that's right yeah it wouldn't be jessica yeah okay let's scare jessica to death yes it's not scary it's weird it it it could be because here's the thing about horror movies why i don't like them is i i buy in people like blair witch that didn't scare me that scared the [ __ ] out of me i know me too all of those movies scared the [ __ ] out of me that uh uh um that baba duke one stop watching i shut that off i was like i can't [ __ ] handle that well then i didn't get to see how the thing gets killed so for like a month every time i turn the lights off i'm hearing dog every [ __ ] time i'm just like yeah i'm kind of uh yeah i don't know the scariest one i've seen in the last week is an indonesian one no not no the one that i want to recommend them is did you see hereditary hereditary yes no and i won't be because if it freaks you out i'm no no i'm easy to scare but that [ __ ] me up it [ __ ] i've seen it three times since we saw it that first time and i get so [ __ ] scared you have to watch it billy please guys you a question because i don't understand what is it why would you want to feel like i hate that feeling me too like i can watch like a gangster movie whatever but i even watched like casino got too like yeah got a little like when he's watching his brother getting you know killed i was just like i'm actually uh chris rock is in the new uh fargo and there's a story line in it that's making it on watching as a parent yeah yeah sort of uh i'll trust you with my kid if you trust me with your kid just trying to get through that yeah yeah it's just like like i don't i i get like why i love movies is because i if i'm into it like i am i'm in it i'm in it i can't do rape scenes there's this movie called irreversible and there's a 10 minute rape scene in a tunnel and it's so realistic and literally like 10 seconds in you're like all right i'm out i'm out i can't do it yeah it's so uncomfortable i remember when that movie came out yeah i remember when that came out because that was a that was a big uh deal it was a big it was a controversial does it go backwards it goes backwards the whole movie yeah right and there's this like and it's like um you don't have editors cut it down can i can i tell you what's i've never understood i don't understand sex scenes in mainstream hollywood movies i don't understand it's like am i now watching a porno yeah like when they really go yeah because i i watched uh an old movie one time and these um the the couple was gonna go have sex or whatever and they just you know they kissed a little bit and then they walked to the bedroom door and they closed the door and that was it and then the next morning they came out so you knew they banged yeah yeah you didn't have to watch them like yeah yeah like what a simulating [ __ ] like i i it doesn't advance the story yeah i saw the last tango in paris with marlon brando when i was a kid i rented it yeah i was gonna watch a romantic movie but this is pretty good i mean that's how like explicit it was i mean you know they have that well back then though what you had to do to get a porno it makes sense that you'd watch the last tango in paris thank you that makes sense but now it's like there is online pornhub right i don't want to go i don't want to see that in a moment but dude i i i um i quit drinking two years ago and i quit porn in may wow yeah it's finally just like yo you're done you're done done that become a problem yes cause i was watching it and not doing anything i was finding humor in it and i would just be like now why did they do it like why did they say that yeah yeah like i was i was watching it like if i was i'm trying to think of a different topic if i was into like like classic cars i was just watching and learning about that yeah and i was just sort of like yeah it just sort of became you know how it is it's just like something like oh my god that's gross and then like a month later it's not that bad and then you're into that and then you move to the next room yeah and you just keep going down dante's inferno and then and then it just gets to a point one day where nothing does anything and then you just kind of like just but you're still well i'm like what am i doing and then uh there was a couple things that i just watched on the whole like uh sex industry what are they called human trafficking and i'm like well i'm kind of contributing to this yeah so you know i'm not getting preachy here so no i mean i even with i don't get angry but um i stopped watching porn but it got to the point for me and i love you so much where um you know before when i was a kid i would you know i would go to like f street bookstore and you'd go to the back room and it would be like everything was sticky the floor and you would lock the door and they had those buttons and the buttons were like filled with calm it was gross and you would put coins in it and you would jerk off that's the only way i could watch porn back then when you guys were younger you never looked at like the the weird german porn with the college girl like having sex with her german shepherd that that didn't exist yeah how did we get that like it was like that would be like on some [ __ ] lunatics reel the reel underneath their house like i don't know it was like the big thing was if you found a playboy buried in the woods yeah like that was the level of it and there was like uh there was that or like filene's basement catalog would come and there'd be the the bra page yeah i mean it was like it was no there wasn't um yeah it just wasn't i'm glad there wasn't that there wasn't because i think like something i still can't understand is is how wide open the internet still is that if like now that i got kids if they get a cell phone it's just like they can just go on and or one of the kids at school go hey here's somebody getting their head sawed off yeah as a kid and it's just like [ __ ] disturbing well yeah well it's disturbing how that is just accepted but you know stand-up comics are getting all this [ __ ] for [ __ ] stupid jokes none of it makes sense yeah where where they go yeah i mean even like when the internet when i was back in the day when jordan peele and i were poor right when the internet was started to happen youtube and whatnot you know they had like you know the dark web was just out there and one day i just go hey watch this russian guy get his head chopped off to jordan and he didn't talk to me for a year it [ __ ] him up he goes don't show me [ __ ] like that you know i mean that's how disturbing it and that shit's still out there you can see human beings being chainsawed for real it's insane yeah it's insane there's got to be some sort of but then it's like we got to be free too though no good point you think i've never i never watched any [ __ ] like that if i showed you something like that you would like you would i wouldn't watch it i don't i don't i don't want to like i don't want to i don't know i don't want that on my hard drive i don't want to see somebody getting tortured or killed or any of that type of [ __ ] um but i had a roommate i had a roommate that would uh that that would find something horrific but it was more in the porn world and they were like a horse and i would just be whatever okay it'd be always be a still picture or something like that and would be sitting there watching tv and then he would just go hey burr and then i would look over yeah yeah he would have his laptop turned around yeah yeah and that was his idea i mean i thought it was funny like that [ __ ] was because it was just so it was like you know some naked old lady or something yeah but as now you're a dad right i mean does things change you know because you know as a comic you know we're thinking about all these [ __ ] up things and you know i mean and it's trying to my act has not changed i know it hasn't been thinking of [ __ ] up things my behavior around the house that's why i quit drinking because it was like i was getting like i was getting uh hammered at home it was one of the deals where like uh you know going out to a bar was starting to become a pain in the ass so but i had never brought booze home i never had it in the house so i never had a problem with it because i always had to go out to get it that's where i [ __ ] up that's why you never buy cookies because if they're in your house you're gonna you're gonna eat them yeah don't buy this [ __ ] and then it's just like i wanna eat some bad food but it's way out there and your laziness will keep you in shape because i don't want to go out there so booze was the same thing and then like i i made the mistake of learning about it so then i was like oh this this bottle here and then you know acting like i'm not a drunk so and then there was all of this i got into conspiracy theory and the ponzi scheme of our money system and all of this [ __ ] and uh it just became too [ __ ] heavy and and like my wife's like you got to stop this stuff is [ __ ] nuts and i went completely the other direction i got out of conspiracy theory theory and i started watching me tv and i was just watching all these classic shows during a simpler time if you're white of friendlier times yeah um and i would watch it and then everybody on there was smoking and drinking and [ __ ] and i would sit there drinking with them yeah and i would watch 77 sunset strip i'd watch peter gunn watch uh what are the other ones i watched i i just watched you know manics like all these gum shoe shows i would just watch these things and i would i would just [ __ ] get hammered and then like then all of a sudden i had a kid and i was just kind of like if anything medically goes wrong right now i am like too drunk to drive like this and i want to be and i also don't want to be that guy because i saw kids that i went to school with when i was kids whose parents sort of openly drank in front of them they were sort of the first ones to uh really start getting after it you know and um i just was like all right i don't want to do that and then i quit drinking and then i dropped a bunch of weight and then my my self-involved vanity [ __ ] kicked in i was just like i kind of like this yeah but you know i've never even thought of there's two comics in my head i'm like you know i never thought of having kids you know i mean but years ago al magical invited me to his house and i had dinner with his kids and his wife and it was proper we put the thing on the thing and then the utensils it was nice candles you know me it was real nice you cut things you know i'm in and you're very proper but you just you could see just the relationship with al's kids their wonderful kids and him and i'm like maybe i want to have a baby but i have this is going to go to you now i saw you at a party once with your daughter and you're playing soccer with her on the field right and i i'm sorry i mean you just never i never never imagined you playing with children i'm glad you didn't the way you just put it no but in terms of like you just it wasn't like you frolicking you don't look you don't look like somebody that would frolic frog or like you know be in a you know just in wheat in wheat you know and he always what backyard was this no i'm just saying you know what this is he brought it up he got uncomfortable so he's trying to make me uncomfortable i don't want to be uncomfortable i'm just saying i just you know would never see you you know me with butterflies and running through a field but right but i i was watching you and i you know it was we it's were you on mushrooms i was just just like running in slow motion no no i would just look at you and you had such you love your daughter so much you're playing and you know me she would slip and you would giggle and you were like and i i thought to myself i think i want a kid you know i mean because that just seems fun and it seems like bill's having fun it's fun right it's it's it's it's a life changer correct yeah and and and whatever you have whoever the parent is that's the opposite sex they get a little bit more because like if because it's like if if you guys have a daughter right she's gonna be the disciplinarian she's gonna be seen through all your daughter's [ __ ] going she's she's totally manipulating you right now yeah and you're gonna be a puddle of mush oh right yeah and then she's like oh my god i feel like the bad guy but then you have a sun and then it flips and then it's just like you know you know you're going to be like oh my god my little man is going to be like that yeah yeah and then you're going to be all like can you see that [ __ ] yeah yeah no don't let him do that to you he's you know yeah it's one of those things but like uh no i'm all in with my yeah i know i you know if you saw some of this [ __ ] like what like like paint like you do pottery stuff and paint oh i'm beyonce like what do you do i can i can do her hair i can like i can do i can french braid i can do the whole i can get her because i had this this horrible feeling that one day my wife wasn't gonna be there and she was gonna have to go to school with the hair not looking the way she wanted and i remember going to school every day with orange hair what the [ __ ] that was like so i remember that so i was just like i'm gonna make sure that that you you you're looking all right now i'm like totally [ __ ] into it's crazy yeah cause now like i see [ __ ] in like women like in movies and stuff and i'm looking at their hair trying to figure out how to do it yeah yeah dude i bet you you do this i don't know i'm not at your house but um do you watch programs with her like like entertainment that's the best thing is she's into bugs bunny oh wow classics yeah but you got to watch out because there is some old-school bugs bunny they got a little bit of blackface in there and they got a little bit of uh we we we were we were you know at war with uh donald duck that's not a box japan so there's some there's some war propaganda it's kind of funny when they do it to the germans because it's white on white but the other way it gets a little crazy but if you stay with the mainstream ones yeah it's fine and what's what's awesome is uh we got we got an argument about bugs bunny is she's convinced that elmer fudd's name is doc because he says what's up doc and i'm like no that's just what he said his name's elmer fudd she's going no his name is doc i was going like no it's elmer fudd and she got really upset and so i just all right it's dark it's dark yeah yeah i have to wait till she's emotionally ready what is that some of the uh he's propaganda oh oh that isn't bad jong-un yeah it's classical yeah it's close no no no no there's there's worse than that yeah yeah yeah there's definitely uh i mean the eyes don't seem that slow no that's that's not a good example yeah yeah it's just every once in a while and there's like little subtle things right right the swans versus the ducks [ __ ] like that yeah and she just it's real subtle you just kind of sit there going like yeah i don't like it yeah yeah then i just defer to my wife and she'll look at me do you want more or no oh man i i would if i didn't start solely i i would definitely have more but um i think we're good um we got one of each so i'm psyched sweetie i'm telling you right now okay okay no let me just let me just say something okay in front of bill yeah in front of bill all right i think i'm ready wonderful okay congratulations no no but just hear me out okay okay i'm a man of change okay i've changed a lot of things about myself okay and i'm healing you know a lot of the trauma stuff all that stuff i'm trying to heal it up i think i'm let's just i'm sorry i think i think please i think i can have one all right so just all right good anyway at the end of the okay just think about it at the end what the [ __ ] the body line i just love all of the body language and all of that my knees pointing that way he does this a lot like if he wasn't already such a man baby i would probably have had six children by now but because i feel like he's like six children and one human panda it's you know i do i gotta you you gotta you gotta like go tell me well you say you throw yourself into things yeah yeah if you have a kid you have to do that that's not something that you can kind of be into for a minute bill this is what he said uh during her couple's counseling he was like yeah like if she's when she's pregnant i'm just going to take more road dates and when the baby's born oh it's just it was a joke it was not a [ __ ] joke in the [ __ ] couple stuff but if she's pregnant like in the beginning when you're fine and everything you you can yeah you got to stockpile the money that's what i'm doing for the for the [ __ ] no the squirrels cook the nuts during the summer for the winter no it's a good move and then the two months after you know like the the month before yeah and then the two months after i'm there you stay in town and then then you just do quick hits after that right see there we go and i don't care if you you know you you get get a [ __ ] night nurse yeah we'd get a night nurse babe yeah sell everything in this garage if you have to [ __ ] kevin neal and said that what get a night night if you have to take a second mortgage get a [ __ ] night no it's it's did that whole idea of just doing it by yourself crazy yes is is the it's uh uh it's a long no thing all right well that it's it's that's not like the old school that's the new school way that people tried for 30 years that failed horrifically because everybody else it's just like you know um you know old school countries it's like you get married you move right down the street and just every day the both in-laws are over there helping helping helping help and then they let the mom sleep as much as they possibly can and um i had a friend of mine who used to be in the corporate world and he applied for a job on the east coast and he got the job and then they moved them like all the way out to like oregon and he got to know somebody in h and he ended up hating the job and he got to know somebody in hr and they said he goes i just understand why they moved us all the way out here and they goes well that was the strategy is so it's you're less likely to quit because you don't have any friends out here and that whole separation of families you had these these younger people having kids even if you have a job like you don't have the money to get help and like i mean just remember that time like that guy left his kid in the car his twins in the car and he freaked out and everything and like how could you do that lack of sleep lack a lack of of help yeah it wasn't like he he was he was devastated that it happened but that's what the [ __ ] that is so you should get as much help as you possibly can and that that whole [ __ ] thing of like you know you walk around like a zombie you know with like 20 minutes of sleep while holding a baby does that make any [ __ ] sense i that's um i that's the one thing i found really shocking when i moved to america because i grew up in the philippines was how nuclear everything was here and how unsupported it seemed like at least from my vantage point how uh how unsupported a lot of like mothers were brutal at least in my family everyone's a nanny everyone is available i always say if your new parents travel to the philippines it's the easiest place to travel if you have a baby you pass that baby around it's so it's so friendly no one complains about a crying baby no one complains about know rambunctious toddlers it's so like community based in that way where it's like if one if my aunt or somebody a woman in my family has a baby there's eight women in our family who can take care of that baby at the drop of a hat no questions no pain no nothing it's just part of what you do that's how it used to be but we we grew up the different different way yeah yeah and uh well there's a documentary called happiness right and it's just you know examples around the world of people you know what happiness happiness is to certain certain people and they focus on okinawa right how in these towns in oklahoma okinawa people live there's more people over the age of 100 than anywhere else in the world because of the sense of community right it's like you know a kid can run down the street and no one's worried that there's going to be a van you know i mean because everyone knows each other every everyone's kid is everyone's kid you know i mean so it's like you're just completely safe and everyone helps each other and i just wish that this country could just get to that point but it'll never will because we're a corporate um capitalism no it's just it's a it's a period we're going through i i don't i just don't think it it can last yeah and then hopefully it'll get you know redone i just would love a a situation where we could just feel safe and and we know our neighbors and i also don't think it's as bad as everybody thinks it is i i really believe that like negativity at this point because media is so splintered and there's so many different things to look at that negativity and shocking [ __ ] is the only way to get people to stop flipping or scrolling or whatever the hell it is that they're doing so they like um they they give like uh yeah it's a false forecast every day of how [ __ ] [ __ ] up things are you know for as unsafe and [ __ ] up as they say you know what has happened to you yeah that's true nothing i really like your head man before i attacked you in the beginning you know what i mean but i really like it i didn't feel you attacked me i thought that was funny yeah okay oh were you coming from a place of negativity at the end of our podcast we do a thing called unhelpful advice we have emails people have problems and they email us i don't know why but go ahead unhopeful advice with bill burr hey guys like bobby i've had a real uh tough time early life i spare i'll spare the details but i'm 25 right now and i consider my life up until this point have been extremely difficult i've been working extremely hard to better my life in my adulthood and i'm happy to say that things are slowly getting better however i just can't help feel frustrated that i've spent two and a half decades my uh in my life just miserable how do i get over this and move on with my life without being so bitter wait what's the problem that's easy yeah i think it's really just comes down to uh he feels like he's wasted literally uh two and a half decades of his life can i just say something that in my 20s i don't know anyone i don't know i i guess maybe there's a couple people that i know but in my 20s were the roughest years of my life i didn't know what i wanted to do then i started stand up right it was really difficult in the beginning and i have to say it just gets better as i get older it really has i'm just happier and things are just easy and seamless and things you know i just know who i am i just think that it's the age he says he's 25 at 25 it was [ __ ] miserable were you happy at 25 i thought i was i was just no i was happy because i was i was doing stand-up comedy but like uh financially about 25 you know the fact that he knows that he's unhappy is a great thing because i didn't even realize i was angry until i was like 33. so um at 25 if you already know that and you have a good work ethic and you're working hard like your 20s i mean it's kind of hard in your 20s not to look back on your childhood and be like what the [ __ ] was that unless you had this ideal childhood or whatever but grew up in that community you were talking about but um i i you know i think that's totally normal and for someone who throughout his 20s and 30s took out his childhood on the world before i finally realized that i was the [ __ ] um i think you're way ahead of the game you're being too hard on yourself yeah and um 25 i would love to still be 25. like 25 i remember 20 turning 25 and thinking like [ __ ] i'm old and it's just like i'd love to be 37 or 401. all of those numbers sound great but one day we're going to want to be the age we are now so we should just be appreciative exactly so just go after what you want to do you know you see somebody that makes your heart stop go up and say hello to him do you have somebody that has a real problem there you go uh we hear that it is don't don't hear your little history no it's a great point it's a great problem i'm just saying like you know maybe some disability or something throw it out there come on you damn kids you damn kids don't know what problems are all right here we go uh i'm 14 years old almost 15 and i have a dilemma lately wait he's 14 uh she she's 15. uh yeah 15. all right lately my parents have grown apart and i even heard my mom utter the words i'm done with this relationship after hearing those words i felt nothing for the past few days i've watched and seen how my parents no longer casually talk to each other and now i've seen for the past few days my dad's sleeping on the couch at night although whenever i think about my parents divorcing i can't seem to cry or feel any emotion whatsoever so my question is is it normal for me not to cry yeah that's i i i was in a uh i forget when i adopted the i don't care um uh mindset somewhere about eight i just it's like yeah i don't care i don't care i don't need anybody i don't give a [ __ ] and uh that was the beginning of walling off my emotions that's a traumatic thing for a kid to hear yeah um so i mean as far as like how you fix that i mean that's like some therapist [ __ ] but maybe you say something to your parents i know you guys had that conversation i should be upset that you guys don't want to be together but i i you know this is causing me to payable because this right here is a critical part because if you start paving over your emotions it starts to affect who you're gonna date and [ __ ] like that and it's gonna be you know you're gonna you've got some psychos coming your way when you build up these walls as a kid though right you don't by the way none of us have a psychology degree no you do any of this with like some sort of disclaimer no it's called unhealthy it's called unhelpful unhealthy yeah so don't listen to us oh yeah please don't listen to me oh then i'll i should i give stupid advice there no no no what is the stupid advice no but i i try to be sincere but don't listen to me i'm an idiot that's the clause i'm a [ __ ] [ __ ] i don't know anything but here we go um here's my two cents but it's like you know my parents were um immigrants they didn't speak english at all right my dad was an alcoholic my dad used to beat the [ __ ] out of my mom in front of me as a kid right i built up these walls these defense mechanisms i used humor as one right but i was just like i had no communication skills i didn't know how to like you know share anything i was just bottled up and it's like you know you don't i don't have the language to communicate you know either know the korean language but also the language of feelings right it's like it's just one of those situations dan only spoke korean and you didn't know how to say stop hitting my mom in korean yeah i didn't yeah i did it you know what i mean you should have learned i should have learned it yeah yeah but they didn't have those apps if it may be in the in the duolingo right yeah duolingo maybe i could have done that i've been doing that for 118 days in a row but don't be questioning it yeah but yeah what language french wow say something what do you want me to do something for anything in french i want to hear you oh okay uh jay razon [Laughter] i feel bad for this girl but you know she might not have the language to to express that and you might have to deal with it in therapy later there you go okay but it's totally normal it's normal yeah yeah totally normal just completely shut down do you want to plug anything bill uh yeah i've got a run of dates we're putting together in the beginning of uh december i'll be in texas ah yeah that's going to be fun houston dallas houston in austin so that's are you doing theaters or clubs this is what i'm gonna do i mean i'm [ __ ] in parking lots i don't know where i'm at in dallas and houston i'm going to go pro biden and when i go to austin i'm going to go pro trump wow and i'm just going gonna just annoy the [ __ ] out of them have you been going up a lot to prepare or you don't need to oh no i absolutely need to i've been um doing what i did one the other night i did uh big wangs in the valley oh yeah i did that one that was that was you know basically standing in the foyer area where the crowd was like out on the sidewalk it's funny because it's just like it's i'm going back to doing gigs that i did before anybody who knew yeah so i feel like in some ways sometimes i'll be on stage bombing in these places and i'll be like did i dream that i that i that i made it and i never did and then the drugs are finally wearing off i never got out of doing these [ __ ] i mean it's so bad at this point i was i was in jersey and i we were pulling into some store or something i saw this big patch of green grass and i swear to god i thought yeah you could do a stand-up show there and i would never think that yeah yeah yeah wow so but you know it i still uh i've had so much fun in a way doing them i was doing one i was standing on a patch of grass behind a motel and uh i was making fun of this split entry house because they put a brand new roof on but they didn't paint the shutters and it just looked so [ __ ] it just made them stick out yeah and i was [ __ ] all over them and then all of a sudden this lady comes walking over and it was and she just just walked into the middle of where everyone was sort of socially distanced and just started talking to me it was like so like not a show yeah yeah she didn't even feel like she was interrupting and she was just going i shouldn't have to sit here and listen to your filth and i was just like oh i didn't know you could hear me i'm sorry i was trying to find a solution and she just wanted to yell at me and i just kept saying i'm sorry i could talk a little quieter she just kept yelling at him and then she started going like this and i was like don't you want your finger at me and it became this hilarious thing yeah and and i just [ __ ] on her in her house the whole way when she walked back but then i found out she didn't live in the house yeah lived across the street and there was somebody in the house and they were actually on their porch enjoying the show and i was yeah so there's been a little bit of uh yeah i haven't done it since since i have not done it since the pandemic i'm afraid i don't know what it is i just you know the shows that i've been invited go down to the uh the magic castle parking lot really yeah they're all in cars it's hilarious i should try huh yeah yeah i feel like i'm like dying i have this little i mean oh because i remember back in the day when i when uh in like the the 90s and into the 2000s back when comics would get like sitcoms and you get to somebody who like really you know the sitcom hit and it made it into syndication they got you know back when there was syndication money they had all that money then they'd just get bored and they would come back down and they hadn't done stand-up in like five years or whatever and and like comedies like music like it went from hair metal to grunge to then eminem and those boy bands came out remember that like how much it just yeah yeah comedy is like you don't notice if you're there every night you don't notice and you sort of change with it and the young comics keep you young and like relevant in your own old guy way but i saw more goddamn people come down who would just they were just getting that fat check and it's just like man i don't want to go down to the store i don't want to go on the [ __ ] road and you'd see him come back and they were like hey take my take my my wife yeah coming down with almost this old school thing and i watched a couple of really big guys [ __ ] just eat a dick yeah and and you saw the look on their face like what the f i have to learn this all over again and then i never saw him again they just said [ __ ] it yeah they never learned to re the room changes right like michael richards that's i saw michael richards literally come back after seinfeld and then the whole debacle at the [ __ ] laugh factory happened you know i mean that racist tirade but that was because he just didn't have the skill set to deal with this this new audience right uh yeah i don't know i don't know what i went there that night yeah i i know i know you weren't there but i'm just yeah but i hate i hate trying to guess what a comic was thinking or like did they get mad i mean i don't know i don't know what it was whatever he decided was not the way to go i know i know that wasn't the right girl but do you think in my head i was thinking it's because he's been out of the game for so [ __ ] long that he doesn't know how and the room changes right and he just didn't know how to deal with the elements that was like had changed you know because back in the day maybe they didn't have hecklers or whatnot or you know i mean or the respect was you know i mean you know what's funny i i understand exactly what you put that part up but you were [Laughter] cut that whole [ __ ] start up you'll be like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm digging myself in the hole a stupid way yeah back in the day they didn't have hackles they used to [ __ ] throw fruit at people at least they don't want bugs yeah yeah um anyway so um check billboard you can check me out in texas texas and um i'm gonna make fun of whoever you voted for and i just you know he's i just love the guy he's like one of my favorites and uh you know uh you love me you would have made eye contact when you said that no i'm shy you're looking away trying to try right now don't yeah it's kind of creepy let me try it i want to try it i don't you're right you're right can i tell you something i'm really having difficulty with that lion's mane of hair that you have right now let me try it like a line with billy bill let me give you a shot let me just let me have a shot okay i want to uh speed roll sound background action uh i just wanted to say to your face that um i'm a real big fan of your work i enjoy you as a human being i'm not buying in this cut i i'm feel you're acting no i'm not you are acting oh let me do it we're doing a character okay and you were crossing your legs you're right right go ahead go ahead all right reset to one second just say action action um honestly dude i really enjoy you you know as a as a comic um i power through bobby but it's a test why what the [ __ ] that's [ __ ] rude do it again do it again i love that i was just gonna do it i'll be real sincere one of the few times i've actually seen the real you yeah go ahead and action uh the honest truth is is that um i've always respected your comedy um you're a really nice guy and um i'm just like just happy to know you and i'm just really grateful that you did our podcast and um you know i know that i'm gonna know you from now i just know that we're gonna do stuff together and we've done stuff together and it's just a real joy and i think you're a cool dude well i sit right back at you all right crushed it on that that thing that we made for that thing that doesn't exist anymore and we're going to try it but i believe that that's going to come out i do too i really do it's a teaser it's a teaser it's going to come out it looks we're not going to say with who but with a big big big star yeah you went blow for blow yeah it was it was fun but give bill burr a round of applause everybody thank you guys so much god bless always billboard.com everyone all right that was [ __ ] great i have never been so insulted [Music] foreign

Channel: TigerBelly

Views: 2,349,938

Rating: 4.8721366 out of 5

Keywords: tiger belly, tigerbelly, bobby lee, podcast, khalyla, tgrbly, all things comedy, mad tv, stand up, tpw, tkats, tfatk, bad friends, comedy podcast, Bobby lee andrew santino, tigerbelly clips, bobby lee podcast, bill burr, bill bert, monday morning podcast, bobby lee andrew santino, snl, hot ones, monologue, conan, jre, top 10 bill burr moments, thursday afternoon, stand up comedy, atc podcast, h3 podcast, theo von, ymh, bill burr podcast, bill bert podcast, bill burr rant, tgb

Id: aVnkCBkE5Jo

Length: 87min 17sec (5237 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 03 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/handslord]

It's nice seeing Burr smile so much.

[u/breakingbrad4]

I love how it was in Burr’s instinct to immediately ask Khalyla about her credentials when she started going all medical doctor

[u/Green585]

Bill has been killing every single podcast he's on, obviously his own too. But he is so good with people, he can maneuver through any matchup.

[u/kidsaredead]

Burr's face when Bobby 'invented' a name Joey to be his republican friend

[u/rice-n-steak]

Damn he’s so go with the flow here. Love it.

As much as people say that he was fine with Theo and Ethan, you can’t deny there’s a much lighter “give and take” energy in this episode.

[u/HateSquiggle]

Loved this episode. Maybe best of 2020, but damn Khalyla does not look happy with bobby in this episode. Laughed hard at the up her pipe joke.

[u/TheRevEd]

Awesome pod

[u/canti-]

this was so good

[u/[deleted]]

I'm glad to hear Bobby is finally doing the right thing and getting a colonoscopy.