Food Games (PART 1) - JonTron

[Music] jontron yeah hi I'm calling about the Thanksgiving turkey order this season yeah well the first of many problems is it doesn't appear to be a turkey at all yeah this thing's still alive and kicking all right he's walking around doing its business like it's got a report to file on Monday no no you'll be careful with that well that's my priceless vaguely adult Macaulay Culkin head bust oh that's just wonderful and what exactly am I supposed to worship now yeah I don't know what you expect me to do deal with this myself I can't deal with something myself come on this is America yeah of course I got the brick what are you talking about oh [Music] dang with me you found horse friend Oh what you don't like it huh come on they are starving equine out there this Thanksgiving you should know better really I don't know how I feel about this feast quiet you you're just jealous is a new cute critter in the house all right and I ain't talking about myself definitely not objectively I was rated number one ugliest man in the privacy of his own house by what is the point of this magazine what a blessed Thanksgiving oh my god is a horse in my house maybe Thanksgiving is a little gruesome after all I think we need something to wash over these hard facts of life with you know like a big old clown what slaughterhouses look at the clown look at the Hamburglar you stole the chicken nuggets ha ha it always comes back to entertainment since the dawn of time companies have been trying to find the most insidious of ways to get in between your brains folds to lay an idea that'll hatch one day an idea you probably thought was yours but actually it was this guy's well you really want this guy coming up with your ideas it looks like you own slaves so that's why when video games hit the scene in the early eighties companies were all over it just shelling out money indiscriminately to plaster their mugs all over the place wherever they could oh my god so greedy so soulless it stands to taint the holiday never really come on Thanksgiving is about being thankful and grateful for all the wonderful amenities we have in the US of A and at the end of the day what's more American than food entertainment and commercialism all rolled right into one tight package it's beautiful one of the earliest examples of advertising and games as Burger Kings very own whopper chase for c64 that's right a full 19 years before the king creeped out the world by storm strangely this game is Spain only it was also programmed by Jesus many a long workday was had by Jesus you could hear him typing away typing away in his Nazareth mud hut it stars you as the whopper shooting your leftover mayonnaise supply out at various creeps that I can only assume want to take a bite out of you because you're so goddamn delicious why is the chef and enemy here a little late dude throwing knives isn't gonna do much now what are these things is that a pickle is that tomato or Apple what reason would they have to attack me there's not much to this game and it certainly doesn't make me want to buy a whopper nice try guys but I'm not that easily fooled some companies even tried to package the game with the product probably the most famous example being Chex quest a doom clone involving green goo and a television remote control good job on this one guys okay but let's cut the crap and be honest we're all really here for the 53 hours of America online that's the real [ __ ] baby give it to me and of course we can't forget the second greatest serial hit Cap'n Crunch is crunch lling Adventure I don't know about this guy Captain Crunch he doesn't strike me as being a very responsible person putting grody ass CDs and children's cereal and come on this guy is always bursting through walls and [ __ ] who's gonna pay for that what are you the captain up what's your rank we get started you need to choose the crunch Ling you will raise and train yes captain which one of these mighty strong slave creatures should I purchase with my sack of crunch shekels which one will scream the least when I bite his succulent head on the next screen you'll give your crunch ling a name you want me to name it well I don't want to get too attached to the poor thing just put his name is not applicable blast them with some colored piss and we'll be on our way you're gonna raise the best crunch Ling at whatever crunch Ling's need lots of praise as well as plenty of Cap'n Crunch cereal yeah lots of Captain Crunch to keep their bones from developing you wouldn't want it to be you know quick too quick and nimble so they can escape this little dungeon you keep them in okay let's see here what do I pull on this that's all you do you just feed them Captain Crunch that falls from the ceiling when you pull a lever what is this a Quaker Oats wet dream this game is really weird you're just the caretaker of this crunch Ling monster it's got a food and happiness neighbor which you can raise by feeding it one of three types of Captain Crunch cereal and tickling it I'm not sure what the end goal is here I assume to train it for a gladiatorial crunch Ling event where it will attempt to bathe in the blood of its rivals as seen here by the three training stats of speed jumping and strength in the first minigame you throw rocks and other rocks while dinosaur in the background perpetually forgets why it's standing there wow this is a lot of hard work I wonder how much training we got out of that hold on let me just see here let's just get a little closer that's all the progress I made that tiny tip of a goddamn tick walking around on crutches and [ __ ] about to expire an early death from polio how many times am I expected to play that minigames I level the stat up you'd better win a lifetime supply of Captain Crunch for beating this anything could happen in this crazy place but it always happens backwards you're going to race against this turtle on your skateboard taco madness is this Wow truly crazy place it's so crazy it even has a roller coaster in the background this game is complete [ __ ] you're supposed to beat the turtle but he's just like the most immaculate racer of all times if you hit anything even one thing you can't recover so what I mess up once the turtles [ __ ] gone he's just out of there what can I say the captain he expects perfection that's nice captain but oh that time you [ __ ] up and your cereal was just all berries huh I still bought that [ __ ] I didn't criticize you for it even gave it a sarcastic name how soon we forget also for some reason there's a Gatorade ad inside this ad very effective but not all companies were so sneaky about this some tried to sell you their own advertising outright take for example Yoshinoya four PS - is this a video game or their restaurants smallest branch yes I'd like one beef ball and a small coke please I would have ordered large but I am to believe you do not carry that size here it's a japan-only game and the goal is to play as a minimum wage worker at a Yoshinoya beef bowl branch really could I have at least been the boss how is this even supposed to make me want to buy more Yoshinoya the game's not even free you have to buy it mash square to pay off your student loans now those are all great but I'm sure what all you want to see is how a true Titan of a company would market their game and you will not be disappointed oh yeah I'm talking clouds okay clowns everywhere I've got to say I don't know how they've gotten away with using a clown as their mascot for so long because Ronald McDonald does not make me want to eat a hamburger he makes me want to call the police come on ain't you hungry ain't you hungry yet first let's look at Mik kids for the NES huh is it Mik kids or MC kids this is the 80s anything was possible the game starts off with two kids reading a story in a tent Ronald what's going on with you dude you need a haircut of some the facelift something's off with you go get it fixed please was showing off his magic bag at a picnic in the meadow when all of a sudden I don't think you have to finish this story I have a feeling I already know how it ends Ronald come on tuck away the magic bag back in your pants all right nobody needs to see that take your meds help help the Hamburglar has run off with my magic bag please help us get it back but get it yourself you creep would you look at yourself you're a hunched-over grown man clown asking a child to help you get your bag back back off search the levels of my Clubhouse and retrieve at least four of my puzzle cards Ronald what are you 46 you can't go around telling kids to scavenge through your Clubhouse this game is now promoting children helping strangers and then going into said strangers private abode for the promise of a trade of a tasty hamburger I don't see anything wrong with that of you don't if you come back to my house with four cards I will show you how to get two birdies house it's Bernie one of your back room girls Ronald when's the last time she seen her parents huh yes twisted clown it's so bizarre isn't it that games used to be used for marketing purposes like this it fell out of style because it clearly doesn't work it's - I don't know heavy-handed I mean get real already we're not sheep I mean it's not as if this game would make me want to order a delicious McDonald's hamburger which has the perfect blend of crispy lettuce meaty tomatoes a patty sizzle to perfection and all topped off with one and perfectly crunchy pickle that's ridiculous I'm two steps ahead of you McDonald's are your mug games aren't gonna work on me there can you pass the ketchup I think you can't have a burger without ketchup okay first level Ronald's clubhouse the clubhouse might want to work on that name this one is a direct ripoff of mario world in terms of its assets and structure but not so much the gameplay itself that's pretty weird considering this was a high-profile commercial production ok beat that level got that one got that one and we're good moving on what's going on I can't seem to move on to the next world is this all there is oh that's right I gotta get Ronald's dirty cards to advance but I can't find them shouldn't they be easier to find given that this is the first level what about this one up here I don't know how I'm supposed to get it am I supposed to throw a block at it no that didn't do it ah maybe if I stack this block here and okay I'll go get another one bring it back okay the other ones going whatever this game sucks Oh what is that about I touch 1 4 9 thing in the level sends me all the way back I could have gone out and bought another game and the time it took that to transpire then we have Nick and Matt global gladiators for the Sega Genesis other than the random Golden Arches paste it everywhere I'm not really sure about the relation of McDonald's on this one what that's a hell of a soundtrack to start us off so as always the scene is set at the local McDonald's branch two kids who I'm assuming are Mick and Mack respectively are seated at the table reading about what they call global gladiators who apparently they want to become yeah being a gladiator would be a blast are you ready I'm not sure actually I feel like you're putting words in my mouth yeah oh so you admit it hey guys if you're looking for a blast how about this what have you done run they were my children you're gonna throw these kids into a gladiator world because what they were thinking about it every kid says he wants to be an astronaut what he gonna do throw him into space you know I could have bought 10 of these Ronald but I only went with four cuz I'm not supporting your reckless habits okay turns out I bought 15 but my point is you're a real monster I don't agree with your ethics like I said the only McDonald's branding on the whole thing is just the M in the corner McDonald's corporate must have just really liked this game also the game is very enthused to be paused and what a sound effect the gameplay on this is actually way cooler than you'd expect if you took the McDonald's branding off it you'd have a legitimate game here okay another one for Genesis what am I even looking at here mcdonald's treasureland adventure weird that's some batshit fruity [ __ ] there I wasn't even aware Ronald McDonald had magic this is official it looks like a romhack that's so wrong hey maybe you could have saved up some of that fairy dust to help cheer all the early onset type 2 diabetes' you helped create yes eat mcdonald em real human and not faceless robot corporation m have real feelings too okay one last mcdonald's game to show you donald no magical world for game gear ronald is always cheerful and happy oh is that what that emotion is but a strange incident happened one day it all started when grimace found a strange-looking box I'm surprised grimace got out of bed this day he's looking pretty checked out when did you find that box asks Ronald the deadness on his eyes piercing grimaces heart it's going to explode isn't it first off grimace a bit late there now get out of my face you're inviting me to enjoy the magical world but what if I don't want to can you find the exit have a nice trip what are you jigsaw there's not even for sure and exit in there yeah good luck finding your way out hope there's not too much broken glass in there what's with this trend of McDonald's games and people being thrown into magical worlds against their will it's sadistic perhaps it's an allegory for our own lack of ability to resist the tasty confections of our fast-food overlords our biological drive to endlessly dine on the sultry and salty goodness of a perfectly cooked burger well I think we're more than that personally I mean we have more than just a base drive as a species I mean I'd like to think of us as a dignified and food grimbo bring me more full sunny is hungry sunny is hungry so curses buh-bye okay okay go get it good-good Grimble Grimble lives another day [Music] hmm well what happened like I blacked out for some time there what is this food yeah could be this episode was sponsored by the awesome people at crunchyroll crunchyroll is a true-to-life premium anime streaming experience you can't get better ad free 1080p professionally subtitled and episodes going up as soon as one hour after they air in Japan hot damn that's fast please do yourself a favor and go to crunchyroll.com slash jontron or just click the link in the description to grab your free 30-day trial now come on that translates to like 30 days of Mobile Suit Gundam iron blooded orphans let me tell you those are some orphans you don't with I'm scared of those orphan so I hope you all enjoy crunchyroll as much as I do see ya and thanks for watching

Channel: undefined

Views: 18,281,025

Rating: 4.9429069 out of 5

Keywords: jontron, food games, mcdonalds, yoshinoya ps2, mcdonalds treasureland adventure, supersize me, mc kids, sneak king, burger king c64, Commodore 64 (Video Game Platform), donald no magical world, crunchling adventure, captain crunch, Chex Quest (Video Game)

Id: _qpd8YvUGhs

Length: 16min 14sec (974 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 26 2015

Reddit Comments

[u/Jynweythek501]

^{oh no}

[u/That_guy_why]

GRIMBO! BRING ME MORE VIDEO. VIEWER IS HUNGRY!

OBEY GRIMBO! OBEY

[u/Apterygiformes]

Does anyone else wish that JonTron would go back to his older Walmart-based stuff?

[u/PokemonGod777]

IS THIS WHAT HAVING CONTENT FEELS LIKE?

[u/Monkeyface91]

FIRST HE SELLS OUT TO WALMART, NOW TO FOOD. WHAT

[u/AMA_requester]

Oh hey, Jacques' back.

[u/MrManicMarty]

That pony was so cute!!

followed by

The fuck was that ending!?

[u/[deleted]]

WHERE THE FUCK DID HE GET A TINY HORSE ?

[u/TibbTokOnTop]

I request a gif of Jon being showered in cereal now, so help me I will shitpost until I snap in two.