9 Ways to Become More Mentally Strong | Julia Kristina

okay we are gonna talk about how to become more mentally strong because this is such a huge one especially for those among us present company included who are more emotional or who often feel like we're the whim of whatever is happening around us like we are being tossed around in life and we don't have enough say over our emotional and mental state how do we become more solid more stable more grounded so that life can be happening around us without us getting tossed around with it so stay tuned right these ones down you're gonna want to take note of them and start practicing them and using them in being intentional with them because they will have a huge impact on your life and your happiness any well-being if you do if you're new to me and this is the first time you're here I want to give you an extra-special welcome let me know in the comments section below how you found me where you came from just or let me know just say hey and let me know that you're new and for those of you coming back an extra extra special hello to you and welcome to you because I am so glad that you are coming back without you coming back and watching and interacting and connecting with me I wouldn't be able to do these videos or at least I probably wouldn't want to do these videos if people like you weren't coming back and getting value from them and and and wanting to be here so thank you for being here either way my name is Julia Kristina and I am a registered clinical therapist a master mindset coach a researcher a speaker and the creator of the breakthrough coaching program I have a master's degree in counseling psychology and it worked to heart help heart center go-getter men and women breakthrough worry anxiety and self-doubt so they can get out of their heads get into their lives and love themselves and their lives more every day and becoming more mentally strong is going to help us love ourselves in our lives more because again we're going to feel that more solid sense of self more secure in we are feel like our lives are more up to us and our emotional states are not quite so up and down in chaotic in here and there and everywhere which then makes us feel more in charge which makes us feel better about ourselves you see how that works so let's talk about this and why this is such a huge topic for me is because I've been really pushed emotionally in the past few years because I have three small children some of you know that I have a six year old a four year old and a one and a half year old and I run three businesses and some days it can feel like a lot some days it can feel overwhelming and some days I have to work hard to manage my mind so that my mind doesn't go spiraling and crazy and into places that I don't want it to go and so a lot of what helps to keep me solid and grounded and comfortable and confident and moving forward without feeling like I'm white-knuckling it through life or like my life is just a just a crazy crazy show that I'm just trying to get through because I don't want to live like that either I have had to use these things in my own life and which is why I am so impatient about them because of the difference that it has made so the first one and this is such a huge one and I teach this so much and how to do this in my breakthrough coaching program but having a self taught game that is on point when you're doing hard things when you're feeling vulnerable when you've failed when you've been rejected when something isn't going your way when you're being pushed to your limit how do you talk to yourself how do you talk yourself through it do you kick yourself or do you catch yourself when you're down what language do you use and this isn't about just those trait things like just think positive but just be grateful yes thinking positive and being grateful are really great things but that's not the solution to just do that anytime we are struggling we need to know the language that we need to hear from ourselves to talk ourselves through those really tough situations to be kind and caring and encouraging and empowering and compassionate and use language that makes sense for us and that's gonna be different for everyone so really finding that language what do you need to hear from yourself in this moment and one way to do this is to even just think about when push comes to shove and we're in a tough emotional or mental headspace what do I need to hear right now but what I love to hear from a loved one a trusted friend someone that I could just totally count on if you don't have someone in your life just imagine that you did have someone like that in your life and what would you want to hear from them in that moment and then you say that to yourself you need to know how to pick yourself up when you fall down and that self-talk is going to be huge and most of us our self-talk is really stinking crappy that we kick ourselves when we're down we we struggle and then we start to judge and criticize and berate ourselves for struggling not helpful makes it worse and that's often what we get trapped under and why our issues and our problems and our struggles become so much greater than they are because of how we treat ourselves when we are down but we can turn that all around by changing our self-talk game the next one you've heard me say this before but unattach inform your thoughts that thoughts are not always truths and our thoughts will even often try to trick us and at the same on the same token feelings are not facts and our feelings will often fool us that neither of these things are always things that we need to that we should be using to guide our decisions to make our choices that we need to unattach from our thoughts we need to learn how to just observe our thoughts be the observer of our thoughts because we are not our thoughts we are the thinker of our thoughts and learning how to not get pulled into them not get carried behind them you know there's a pickup truck driving through a gravel pit and we are not in the driver's seat we are the ones hanging on the rope behind getting through the gravel pit and getting bumped and bruised along the way we're all we need to do is just release the rope that we're hanging on to and let the truck go where it will but we don't have to get carried along behind it allowing ourselves to have those thoughts but not getting pulled along behind them if unattach inform your thoughts is something that's new to you that this is a whole new concept that your mind is kind of blown right now or it's something that you just want to learn how to get better at I have a 10-minute guided mindfulness exercise it's an audio exercise it's free it's for you I'm gonna put the link in the description below make sure that you grab that and listen to that and that's really gonna help make this thing make more sense and it's also going to help you learning to learn how to unattach from your thoughts a lot easier the next thing that you can do to become more mentally strong is to accept that life is hard sometimes harder that sometimes it's harder than others and some of us are going through harder things than other people but this this thing that we get stuck in where we often when things have happened to us or maybe even are happening to us and we ask ourselves why me instead of asking ourselves well why not me who deserves to go through hard things who deserves to struggle who deserves to have pain and the truth is none of us do and so instead of saying why me being able to say well why not me I'm a human being just like anyone else and so just sort of acknowledging that life is hard life is messy but life is good in the essence of it it is good and so sometimes when we are taking a step back and maybe even feeling sorry for ourselves we all need to have our pity parties we all need to feel sorry for ourselves sometimes but being able to catch that and be able to say yeah life is hard instead of saying oh like this so hard music yeah life is hard so what am I gonna do I'm gonna give up because it's hard or I'm gonna moving through this until it becomes a little less hard for a temporary amount of time and it'll probably come hard again and they'll become easier again because everything is in temporary is temporary everything is impermanent and that's just part of the ebbs and flows and the ups and downs of life and so yeah it's hard and sometimes it's not and then sometimes it is again and if we can just sort of accept that then it becomes a lot less hard because we're not resisting it and we're not pushing back against life being hard we're just acknowledging it and moving with it and moving through it instead of fighting it or being angry about it or denying it the next one and I love this one because it's a game changer in the next thing that will be help you become more mentally strong is to take responsibility for your choices to really take a step back and this goes along with the life being hard thing and I've done this before where I felt sorry for myself and I've taken a step back and I've been like oh my gosh I've got so much on my plate and I have so much I need to do tonight or get done this week or I'm dealing with all these things and I don't want to have to deal with all these things and this is so hard and poor me or whatever and then taking a step back and looking at the situations in my life that I'm feeling sorry for myself about and asking myself how many of these things are actually optional right like so many of us are like I have to do all this stuff but really how much in your life how many of the things that you have on your plate are things that you have to do now you might not necessarily like the consequence or the results or the outcome of what happens if you don't do them but acknowledging that that is still a choice I don't have to do all the things that I'm doing in my life I don't have to take on as much as I take on I actually don't I will not be on the street if I don't my children will not not be fed if I don't for some of you yet you have to do things that you don't necessarily want to do in order to survive and that's true but looking outside of that how many of the things are we doing that actually are optional but that we feel guilty about who feel obligated to do or we have some story our head about why it needs to be done this way how much of that stuff that we're putting on our plate is just filler it's just the filler from from the buffet and we feel maybe we feel bad we feel bad for the croutons and we feel bad for the breadsticks and so we put it on our plate but you don't actually need the breadsticks to survive but really looking at or even just the things in our lives that we're feeling sorry for ourselves about instead of taking a step back and being like okay like I do have a lot of things that I need to do but maybe it's okay maybe doing those things is my choice because it's helping me move towards something that I really want it's helping me learn and grow and expand in some way that I need to so taking a step back with that one and really being able to take responsibility for our lives we don't always have control over our lives and our circumstances and their situations but we always have choices within them letting ourselves letting yourself have some choices taking responsibility taking more responsibility then maybe you already are I know I struggled with taking responsibility in a lot of areas for a long time and whenever I start going down that path of oh I've got so much on my plate and I've got so much to do I remind myself I don't have to do I am gonna choose to and that just change it around that I choose to not I'm going to choose to I do choose to because it's things that are that are important to me for different things that I want in my life and so being able to take some responsibility for our lives and for our choices and for the things that we have in them the next thing that helps us become more mentally strong is again along with this take responsibility and letting ourselves step out of our comfort zones how many of us are sitting on the sidelines of our lives being like I wish I could do this I wish I could do that I wish I had the guts to do that I wish I wasn't so scared of this instead of stop waiting to not feel scared stop waiting for it to get comfortable and start doing it it why is it so bad to be uncomfortable and it's not about going from like zero to a thousand overnight this is no about being like you know I've never I've never gone on video before let's just use this as an example and I'm gonna just show up on video in front of like thousands of people or maybe I've never done a public speaking event before and I want to do more public speaking and I want to teach and I want to speak or whatever and I'm gonna go from like never speaking on in front of anyone before - speaking friend people know that's not that's not that's gonna be traumatizing that's not going to be inspiring so whatever it is that thing in your life that you want take a step let yourself be a little bit uncomfortable a little bit of discomfort is good too much discomfort is traumatizing a little bit of discomfort is good we cannot learn and grow and stretch if we are not willing to be uncomfortable there is a certain amount of internal tension that is positive tension not the kind of tension that creates all kinds of stress and drama and upset but the kind of tension the kind of friction that gets us moving that gets us going that gets us growing letting yourself be uncomfortable and even asking yourself why am I so scared of being uncomfortable what am I making it mean if I have to be uncomfortable what am i telling myself is going to happen if I step out and step up into something what am i fearing and am I going to let that fear make my decisions for me or am I gonna make my decisions for me that comfort zones are just a construct that our brain has created to try to keep us safe right our brain wants to keep us safe our brains job is to either move us towards pleasure or away from pain and it doesn't want us to be uncomfortable because it thinks that if we are uncomfortable we will die it doesn't know the difference between a real threat and a perception of threat a perception of danger and so it sees any kind of threat as this awful thing and so it tries to keep us away from it tries to like talk us out of it instead of talking back to our brain and saying guess what doing this thing stepping out of this comfort zone going to this event or taking on this challenge or doing this presentation or writing this book or calling this person is not a threat to my life it might be uncomfortable but I can be uncomfortable and I teach a lot in my breakthrough coaching program how to be with ourselves in that discomfort how to ground ourselves and how to kind of manage our emotions when they flare up so that we it makes it a lot easier to be uncomfortable so that it doesn't become traumatic as we are going and doing those things and pushing ourselves in those ways so it doesn't feel like we're white-knuckling it so it almost feels like it's like it's exciting right it's that difference between exciting and scary that things are exciting that we're doing and it's not we're not all dramatic about it the next thing speaking of failure is to change our relationship with failure if failure is something that you really struggle with and you really fear it you try to avoid it at all cost I want you to ask yourself what am I making it mean what am I making failure mean about me if I fail am I making it mean that I am a failure or that I had a failure that I am no good or that I need to try something different because I didn't I didn't get it right this time really asking yourself we fear failure so much but why it's just an experience it doesn't mean anything we decide what it means we can decide that it means that I suck that I'm not good no good I don't have what it takes or we can mean that failure means like holy crap I was brave as heck and I put myself out there and I stepped into something unknown I made myself vulnerable and that takes a whole buttload of courage and I'm just so proud of myself for doing that and I didn't get it right this time or I don't know enough this time or I haven't figured out what it takes this time or I have more to learn or I have more times to try asking yourself what am I making failure me why is failure scary it's not it's a thing it's an experience it doesn't mean anything but you've created we created all this drama around failure we make it mean something so change your relationship with failure and you will become unstoppable the next thing speaking of becoming unstoppable to become more mentally strong know that giving up is not an option if there's something that you want if there's something that's important to you is there something in your life that you're like I wish I had the guts to do this to go for this to pursue this know that giving up is not an option then there's no drama around it then you don't have to ask yourself yeah do I have what it takes should I keep doing this should I should I keep pursuing this like is it worth it okay actually having an honest conversation if you decide that you know what actually this isn't what I was expecting and it's actually not something that I want or not something that is important to me yeah that's fine then like do something different and figure something else out fear versus preference so if you decide that it's not your preference then great try something else but if you are letting yourself stop or give up because you're scared that's not a good enough reason so as soon as you decide that that's stopping because of fear because of self-doubt because things aren't happening fast enough or you wade the way that you want them to or it's not going with you how you expect it or it's harder than you thought that as soon as you take quitting off the table then you don't have to have any drama about it you don't have to spend any time thinking about it you're not to spend any emotional energy going back and forth about what you should do all you need to do is figure out what am I gonna do next what am I gonna try next how am I gonna get back up why don't you do get back up and keep going if quitting is not an option then we don't even need to have a conversation about it and it's not gonna create all of this emotional unrest and turmoil and chaos inside then we just solid for like that sucked that was hard that didn't work the way that I wanted to all right I'm gonna lick my wounds I'm gonna feel sorry for myself for a little bit here and I'm gonna keep going because I haven't figured it out yet the next one and I love this one stop looking for shortcuts stop looking for the easy button in whatever it is in your life that you want there isn't an easy button what happens is we are hedonistic we're just like we like easy me like pleasurable and we don't like things to be hard and we don't want to get uncomfortable we don't have to do the work we want someone to give us the easy button the magic solution and so what we do is we keep thinking that there's gonna be this easy button and so we run around trying easy button to easy button to easy button we don't actually do the work we don't actually look inward we don't actually deal with the stuff that deeper stuff and we think that there's just gonna be these easy buttons and so we run around spending all this time trying to get the shortcut and we waste all of the time trying to get to the shortcut and the shortcut becomes the long cut whereas if we do it right the first time if we do the work if we go deep if we take a step back and know that it's not necessarily gonna happen at the snap of a finger that it's not necessarily gonna be sunshine and roses all the time if we realize that we if we want to get to where we want to be if we want the results that we want if we want to be feeling how we want to be feeling if we want the relationships that we want to be having do the work the long cut becomes the short cut because we do it right we do it deep we do it properly and then we move forward and we move and we get the results and things happen the way that they're supposed to happen the way that we want them to happen not always the first try no again it's not always easy it's not always painless but it takes a whole lot less time than searching for shortcuts to shortcuts to shortcuts the shortcut is the long cut and the long cut is the short cut yeah it's hard like remember we talked about it's hard but that's part of it life is hard it's part of it not always but it's part of it the next one to become more mentally strong this is essential and you've heard me talk about it before and I will show this from the root rooftops you have to have healthy boundaries if you do not have healthy boundaries in your life and you're like a ping pong ball going down the stream at the whim of whatever breeze or debris or current is taking you you just be just tossed around in life if you can imagine that ping pong ball down the stream and that is you without boundaries there's nothing solid you don't know where your boundaries are with yourself you don't know where your boundaries are with other people and you're gonna get tossed around if you're not you don't have that solid sense of self where you're able to say what's ok with you and what's not okay with you were able to say no when you're able to not take things on and actually don't make sense for you we're not functioning out of guilt or obligation when you are not doing all of those things then you are going to be able to feel more mentally strong more solid healthy boundaries are huge if having healthy boundaries is something that you're more interested in I have two things for you first of all just to get your feet wet I have a free download it's called 25 ways to say no I've even just struggling to say no is something that you find hard you can grab that download and if you really want like an overhaul like a comprehensive mindset shift to tools and strategy up the yin-yang Giving Program I have a course called healthy boundaries bootcamp where this is going to be that boundaries overhaul where you're going to figure out what's ok with you what's not okay with you some of us don't even know and you're gonna learn how to communicate those things and how to respect those things in in and of yourself and how to ask other people to respect them as well it's a big deal it doesn't just happen overnight but it is something that is huge for changing our emotional mental well-being for feeling more mentally strong for feeling more calm and confident and secure in who we are so I'll put information to that bound healthy boundaries bootcamp below as well subscribe to the channel like the video share this out if you think that these are things that people that you know need to hear it need to learn if it's connected with you then chances are it's going to connect with someone else so share this with them and give them the chance to have these chefs as well if you had some big chefs give someone else a chance to have some of these big chefs as well thank you so much for being here come and join my facebook group go to me group comm if you haven't already join me on Instagram I share things in between YouTube videos other inspirational things and motivational things and just stuff from my life I would love to connect with you there as well links are all below in the description below which one of these connected with you which one of these stood out which one of these are you going to start working on until next time take good care

Channel: Julia Kristina Counselling

Views: 145,715

Keywords: mentally tough, how to become mentally strong, Become Mentally Strong, mentally strong, be more mentally strong, become resilient, how to know if you're mentally strong, what mentally strong people do, mental strength, become more mentally strong, Bestie, Amy Morin, things mentally strong people don't do, The secret of becoming mentally strong, top think, brainy dose, how mentally strong are you, how to get mentally strong, Julia Kristina

Id: 7lgMf2yeqJY

Length: 24min 44sec (1484 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 14 2019