Letting Go of The Past: How To Stop Repeating the Past

this might be a tough one to hear but many of you are not letting yourself function in the present you are probably unconsciously keeping yourself stuck in the past and are continuing to repeat things from the past that are getting you the same results and the same outcomes you got from the past because you are stuck in the past and i'm going to talk about what this is and we're going to explain this all to you and it's going to help a lot of things make a lot more sense why you keep getting the same outcome why you keep getting the same results while you keep saying staying stuck in the same place in your life and you're frustrated you're discouraged you're defeated and you can't figure out why and i think this is going to make a lot of things make a lot more sense and i'm really excited to explain it to you because i think a lot of light bulbs are going to go on here if you're new here welcome to our incredible little corner on the internet take a second introduce yourself in the comment section below and if you are back again say hello i love being able to connect with all of you down there oh and subscribe to the channel if you haven't already the button's about right down there either way my name is julia cristina and i'm a registered clinical therapist a researcher a coach and the creator of my incredible membership community the shift society that you need to get into the dis or the the information about that is in the description below i help heart center go-getter people break through the crap that is holding them back so they can like themselves and their lives more every day and let's talk about this living in the past and how it is keeping so many of you stuck and i know because i used to live in the a lot in the past too and then i realized how much it was how much of it was keeping me stuck in my life until i realized what i was doing on this unconscious often even unintentional level so i want to give you a few examples of what this looks like to be living in the past so often we'll have an experience we'll go through something and then we'll draw a conclusion from that isolated experience as something that always happens and then we unconsciously kind of create this narrative that it always happens and so then we keep repeating the same thing happening because we've told ourselves that this always happens let me give you some examples of this and it'll make it make a lot more sense so let's say you go for a job interview and you don't get the job you basically fail the interview and then you tell yourself i fail at everything i can't do anything right or you get some negative feedback from your boss on something you get some criticism your boss brings back something and says hey like this wasn't great or i didn't like this and then you tell yourself yeah i suck and you know again i can't do anything right and i'm terrible at my job or you yell at your kids you lose your patience and you yell at your kids and then you tell yourself you know i have no patience and my emotions are out of control or you are someone who's in debt and then you tell yourself oh i'm terrible with money i can never get it together when it comes to finances and you know i'm just terrible with money or you um something didn't go the way that you expected it to and you made a decision about something it didn't turn out how you wanted and then you tell yourself well i just make terrible decisions i can't do anything right i can never get it right or you broke a promise to yourself and then you just tell yourself you know i just can't trust myself i always break promises to myself or you give up on something before you have completed it and then you just tell yourself well i just i can never follow through on anything i just can never complete something that i started right and so we're not just responding to that incident in the moment because what we're doing sort of on this unconscious level is something happens we get an outcome like we um you know we fail at something and we get some criticism about something or we are impatient about something and then we draw a conclusion but on this unconscious level our brain is like collecting all this previous data about these things that have gone like this in the past and then we're just drawing the sort of foregone conclusion that that just the way this is just the way things are this is just the way i am and so when you look at it we're not actually responding in the present moment because as an isolated event we wouldn't draw this conclusion like well i can never do this or it always goes like this or i'm always like this because the always in there right or this always happens right like i'm always like this it's the always that is a reference to the past in and of itself was just an isolated incident incident and you know you took on a project and it failed you would say oh this project failed this didn't go the way that i wanted it to i didn't get the outcome that i want and you wouldn't draw this conclusion about yourself it would just be a description of what is happening and then you'd probably be able to just take a step back and be like oh that didn't go the way that i wanted it to what can i do how can i do it differently what can i work on what can i you know be more conscious of and then you'd move forward from that but because you've created this narrative from your brain just selectively remembering other instances like this from your past which is again not accurate because you might tell yourself well yeah of course that this is a conclusion that i'm bad with money and that i have no patience and that i can never do anything right because you know here's all this evidence from my past but i'm going to tell you that's also incorrect because of this thing that happens in our brain called cognitive bias where our brain likes to be right so whatever thought you're thinking in the moment you think that because you can come up with all this evidence to support that thought that thought is 100 true correct right like end all be all stamped in stone but your brain is just gathering whatever evidence it can to support that premise it's not looking at all kinds of other evidence that would refute it because then your brain would be confused because our brains like this kind of black and white thinking likes our brains like this all or nothing thinking and then our brains don't like to see things in gray our brains don't like to see that like yeah sometimes i try things and they don't go the way that i want them to and sometimes i try things and they go great sometimes i am really you know not great with money and i can be kind of impulsive and frivolous and sometimes i can be really mindful and intentional and responsible with it but what happens then so here's where it goes a little deeper is what happens then when we claim this thought right when we kind of claim this belief about ourselves that's just sort of made up based on these like snippets of evidence that our brain has conveniently collected then we think that this is a truth right we think this is a fact and then we continue to recreate that same outcome because our brains like to be right and so we unconsciously self-sabotage in order to keep recreating the same outcome so if you go into things like if you take on a project or you take out take a risk and you put yourself out there and you try something new and in the back of your mind you have the thought it's probably going to fail because i always fail or it's probably not going to be good enough because nothing i ever do is good enough or someone's probably going to criticize me because i always get criticized then you're going to be showing up with that energy because you have that thought right you have a thought i'm not good enough i can never do anything right it's not going to work out it's not going to go well which is going to create a feeling of defeat of discouragement of frustration right because our thoughts create our feelings and then our feelings drive our behaviors so then you're probably going to you know do this thing kind of half-assed right probably not going to put that much effort into it you're going to be kind of have one foot on the on the gas to be like i'm going to do this thing but one on foot on the brake telling yourself it's not going to work out not going to be able to do it not be able to get it right and so you're going to be holding yourself back unconsciously and unintentionally but then you're going to continue to get that same outcome because you haven't allowed yourself to truly move forward because of that thought that it's not going to work out i'm not going to be good enough i don't have what it takes and so then the either right one of two options you're either going to have one foot on the brake and one foot on the gas and and actually get the courage to try something again but kind of do it in this sort of unconsciously self-sabotaging way or just not even bother trying you're just not gonna do it because you're like it never works out i'm not good enough i don't have what it takes right i'm a failure i'm an idiot whatever that is i can never get it right right we have these thoughts that we think are just like these sort of benign thoughts just going around in the back of our head and of understanding that letting those thoughts run rogue like that we are regenerating those thoughts because of how we are showing up based on these beliefs and a belief a belief like we think that because we believe something about ourselves it's true no it's not true a belief is just a thought that you've been thinking so long that you've unconsciously just accepted it as a truth and so really looking at this this isn't rocket science right this isn't this like big kind of like out there crazy thing that like our thoughts create our reality and it's like this you know nebulous cosmic woo-woo thing it's not our thoughts create our reality because our thoughts create our feelings which drive our choices and behaviors which then create our outcomes or our reality and so what do we do about this how do we deal with this we have to change the way we are thinking and this isn't about just like thinking positive and lying to yourself and being like i suck at everything and then the next breath being like i am god's gift to humanity everything i do touches or anything i touch turns to gold no that's not going to work either because it's too far from our truth and our brain's just going to reject like i'd reject that like it would reject me telling you that you are a sandwich right it's just too far from reality you'd be like definitely not a sandwich julia um so looking at that where do we start with this we do actually need to start with practicing an alternate thought right and i'm not going to tell you some like weird thing that like if you think it you know it'll come true if i think that i i'm going to be successful at something it doesn't automatically mean that i'm going to be successful if i think that i am a patient person it doesn't mean that every time something comes up i'm going to handle it with grace and with patience it doesn't mean that every time i show up it's going to turn out exactly how i want it to just because i put in some effort i'm going to get the outcome that i want i'm not saying that but what i am saying is when we change our thoughts about something it changes how we feel which then changes how we show up which then with that repetition with continuing to show up and try things and work on things with the belief and the thought that i can and i am and i will then it's going to spur that action and that motivation to keep us going and growing and moving forward and then also when we're managing how we think about things how we think about ourselves when we don't get the outcome we want when we don't get the results that we want we don't go into oh see i can't do it i can never do it i was right right because we're not going there right like that's that's engaging the past what we are doing is saying okay what do i want to learn from this what can i gain that's going to help me grow from this what do i want to look at what do i want to get curious about with this we're actually able to take a step back with it and decide what we want to think about it what we want to think about ourselves with it you know and it's interesting because this comes up quite often with people in the shift society where they will have a breakthrough with something right and then they'll say well it probably wasn't that big of a deal i probably could be further along and i'm like whoa whoa whoa wait every shift counts and we see how it's like this unconscious thing that like we'll do something and something will go well and will automatically discount it to almost like fit with this other story of like nothing i ever do is good enough nothing ever do is big enough or fast enough or as good as other people right and we kind of have these these stories from the past that we are clinging to in our present experience without even really realizing it and so i catch that often with people like ah no that's thinking in the past you had a shift something changed you handled this differently you responded to this differently you thought about this differently you felt differently something was different and you did that every shift counts let it count let it sink in let that be your new narrative that when i show up for myself when i take action when i put in the effort things happen not saying that it happens overnight that it happens in these big sort of momentous life-altering ways all of a sudden no that's not that's not the guarantee here that's not the promise here that's not the premise here the premise is that when we acknowledge when we change what we're thinking and our narrative about ourselves and when we acknowledge what we are doing and what we can do and what we want that's going to be the thing that changes how we feel that then changes how the action we take that then creates a completely different outcome and reality for ourselves now i'm going to tell you changing some of these narratives these beliefs these are stories they're just like made up they're just thoughts that you have about yourself that probably aren't even yours you probably just pick them up somewhere from someone at some point that it was their thoughts that you just unconsciously absorbed right ideas and conclusions that you drew that your brain just sort of made up at some point in your usually your formative years right you went through something you experienced something you observed something you absorbed something and your brain just sort of took it in made up some kind of rationale for it and then just you've continued to keep believing that or someone has told you something about you and you trusted because you didn't know as a child you didn't know that they were just their thoughts about you and you didn't know that you were allowed to have your own thoughts about you and so you just unintentionally unconsciously absorbed their thoughts about you because you trusted them and didn't know that they weren't actually worthy of that trust they didn't know you better they didn't know who you were more than you so knowing that these thoughts are often not even yours many of us are not even deciding on purpose what we want to think about ourselves so when we start doing this work it's going to feel terrible it's going to feel wrong it's going to feel backwards it's going to feel like this this this this dissonance right this like this cognitive dissonance inside where i am thinking these i'm working on thinking these other things about myself creating this new narrative about myself but it's in contradiction to the old one so my brain is going to try and pull me back into the old one for the simple fact that our brains just like predictability our brains like routine you're going to continue you can you keep thinking the same self-critical thoughts because you've always thought them and your brain is like yeah this seems to be okay like it doesn't feel the best but we don't know what it would be like to think other thoughts and that's the unknown and something terrible could happen i don't know something terrible could happen if you start feeling good about yourself or believing in yourself or liking yourself heaven forbid it so let's just stay with the status quo so just understanding that the human brain does not like change it's going to take some work this is why we are doing it so much of this in the shift society and doing it at this deeper level because we get stuck because our brain likes to trick us because it likes to play tricks on us and convince us of things it can be really sneaky so getting that support if this is the work that you want to do then get the information for the shift society in the description below and come and join us in doing that work looking at how much are you drawing conclusions and creating the the future based on your past you're drawing conclusions from your past you're not actually looking at what you're experiencing in this moment as what it is and then deciding what you want to think about it you are drawing conclusions and ideas from the past and you're letting those sort of infiltrate into the present and that is again creating your future changing the narrative building that trust within ourselves and we have to in order to kind of start changing some of these thoughts and ideas about ourselves we have to first start to build that trust within ourselves so that it feels safe to do it right so that we have that safe secure sort of foundation to start recreating the narrative and in order to do that like i said needing to have that self-trust and if that self-trust is something that you want to work on you want to build with intentional steps i have a guide that's going to show you how to do it it's in the description below you can grab that to start building that foundation of self trust and also get on the waitlist for the shift society so we can do this deeper work and have these transformations and allow every shift to count like the video share it out if you thought other people would find this helpful um and be able to understand how we are not letting ourselves you know respond to the present we are reacting to the past and we are recreating the few we're creating the same past in the future because we are reacting to the past did i say um let me know in the comment section below thoughts insights revelations that you've had from this and always good to have you here until next time take good care

Channel: Julia Kristina Counselling

Views: 51,947

Keywords: stop living in the past, living in the past, let go of the past, letting go of the past, get over the past, how to let go of the past, let go of past, get over past, stuck in the past, repeating the past, stop repeating the past, Dr. Tracey Marks, actualized.org past, julia kristina, julia counsellor, healing from trauma, leave the past behind, Tom Bilyeu, repeating past mistakes, past mistakes, watch this video, why can't I let go of the past

Id: MtNX9ca6f2A

Length: 20min 0sec (1200 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 02 2020