5 Things Life Is Too Short to Worry About

our human brains seem to like to worry and for many among us that might be happening a lot where you find yourself worrying about a lot of things a lot of the time and it's taking you away from enjoying your life from being happy from feeling good from being present and so today we're going to talk about five common things that people tend to worry about and we're going to do some mindset shifts around these ones so that we can work on not worrying nearly as much and we're also going to talk about why this is important if you're new here welcome to our incredible little corner on the internet take a second introduce yourself in the comment section below if you're back again say hello if you are a shifter make sure that you identify yourself in the comments as well and say hello oh and if you haven't already subscribe to the channel the button is about right down there either way my name is julia christina and i'm a registered clinical therapist a researcher a coach and the creator of my membership community the shift society that you can also get more information about below i help heart center go-getter people break through the crap that is holding them back so that they can like themselves and their lives more every day and a big part of that crap that holds us back is all of the excessive worrying that many of you are doing worrying has become such a big problem in this day and age in our culture that so many among us are worrying so much about so many things and it's not always helpful now i'm not going to tell you that i'm going to sit here and teach you how to never worry about anything again because that's just not possible because there's certain there is a certain element of worry that is adaptive that is helpful right it's part of our self-preservation to be anticipating what could happen in order to preserve and to protect and to plan but there's a difference between the worry that's about our self-preservation and the worry that steps in and becomes about our self-destruction that it takes away from our life instead of trying to add to our life trying to keep us alive and so there is a difference there and i want to talk to you about five things that we need to be more mindful of not worrying about so much because they really are not helpful and they're not moving us forward and are ultimately really holding us back and the first thing i want to invite you to stop worrying about so much is what other people think you should be doing with your life and many of you might not be fully aware that you're worrying about this one a lot and it might take a little bit of digging under the layers to see this one showing up but i've seen this so much with people when i'm talking about things decisions that people are trying to make and where they're feeling kind of stuck and they don't know what to do and i ask them what are you worried about and so much of it comes down to i'm worried about what people are going to think i'm worried about people judging me for my decisions i'm worried about people having opinions that i don't want them to have whether it's about changing a job or wanting a promotion in a job or starting your own business or making a different decision in a in the way you want to parent your children or even for going to say even just posting on social media sometimes people are paralyzed with not feeling able to do that because they're worried about what other people are going to think about what they are doing or not doing and this one can even show up with those of us who are adults and have adult parents that a lot of us have spent a lot of our lives trying to get our parents approval for our decisions for our lives and i'm not saying that it's not nice to have that approval i'm not saying that it's not nice to get that support from anyone in your family or anyone that you're close with but there has to be a certain point where we are able to self-differentiate and be able to say i would like your support i would like you to be proud of me of course who wouldn't but if you can't and if you won't i still need to do this because it is my life and i need to live my own life and i need to make my own decisions i need to forge my own path and maybe even i need to make my own mistakes but i have to live my life because i am not here to live your expectation for my life and that goes on this more macro level this bigger level when it comes to family when it comes to people that are close to us and worrying about what they're going to think and what they're going to say and it shows up in small areas of our lives like i was just talking about that we have to bravely forge our own paths for our own lives because we can only live our life we cannot live someone else's and it's not our job to live theirs the next thing that i want to invite you to stop worrying about is what is driving someone else's actions a lot of the time we get really worked up and let me explain this one where something will happen someone will do something or someone will say something and we'll sit down and we'll worry about what did they mean by that well why did they do that well what are they thinking about me well i don't know like what's going on here and we try and we worry and we get ourselves upset we think well they must have been meaning this or they must have been thinking this or this is probably why they did that we go into all this speculation and all this worrying about what this means and what this says and we read between the lines and we analyze and we break it down and then we get ourselves all in a bit of an emotional mess about it instead of asking how often have you done this where you've worried so much about why someone did something whether or not even it impacted you but often when it does impact you when you think it's impacting you when someone has just done what they're doing and then you think it's personal you think it's about you or think it's against you and then get your head into a spin about that and worry about it and wonder about it instead of just asking why did you do this am i missing something am i reading into something was this personal just asking sometimes we forget to do that we jump to conclusions and then we often get ourselves really worked up and then get really angry and start blaming and criticizing other people for what they're doing or not doing that we think they should be doing and not doing instead of just asking and the next thing i want to invite you to stop worrying about so much is what other people are doing now let me explain this one because this one shows up often when we're just kind of going about our lives we're doing our thing everything is okay everything's fine there's no problem and then we find something out about what somebody else has done and then we upset ourselves with what we make that information mean that was kind of convoluted let me explain it and give a couple examples for this one so let's say that you are feeling good you're doing fine and then all of a sudden you find out that some of your friends did something together and they didn't invite you and then you get really upset about it and you speculate well they don't like me or why did they exclude me or what's going on here this isn't fair this isn't right but until you knew that that had happened you were completely fine or you find out that your boss gave a project to one of your co-workers months ago and the project is complete and everything is done and dealt with and there was no there's no problem that you were aware of and then you find out that this happened and then you get really upset well why did they give it to them and what's going on here but you were fine until you had that information and i talk about this one a lot with my kids because kids do this a lot but grown-ups do it a lot too where my you know my daughter will find out that me and my son went out we did something together and my son i gave i got him a treat while we were out because him and i were doing something and you know he got a treat and she doesn't know she's at home she's doing something else completely she's completely fine and days can go by and then all of a sudden my son will say well when i was out with mom i got a treat and she'll be like well now she's upset well i want to treat that's not fair that's not okay i don't like that i'm like you were fine me giving him a treat has nothing to do with you and you were fine until you had that information you didn't even know but now all of a sudden you are taking this information that has nothing to do with you and it's just between me and my son and you are making it as in something about you that there's something against you or something that's unfair you're missing out on something or whatever that is i mean i don't necessarily go into this much explanation with my seven-year-old but i do explain her to in to her in that way and be able to say hadley you were fine until you had this information there was no problem you didn't think that anything was unfair until you had this information and so when we think about that how would i be feeling right now if i didn't have that information there would be no impact on me what happened between me and my son has nothing to do with my relationship with my daughter it's a completely separate thing and it's only the information and then her thoughts about what that information means that is creating the upset so thinking about in your life when and where are you completely fine until you find something out that really has no bearing on you and then you make it about you and upset yourself about this thing to just not worry about what other people are doing that has absolutely no impact on you and stop making it mean something bad about you when it really has nothing to do with you i know this is a tough one i know i've struggled with this one in the past i've had to really kind of take a step back and say julia is this a problem or are you just making it a problem and do you need to the next thing to stop worrying about so much is obviously i'm gonna say it the future how often do we spend so much of our time worrying about what maybe might or could happen and how much of this is pulling us away from the present we can't ever experience the future but we spend a lot of time worrying about it because the only thing that we can actually ever experience is this present moment and the more time we spend stressing and obsessing and worrying and trying to control the future the less we the less we are actually living in this moment and being able to connect with what is happening now instead of worrying all the time about what may be minor could happen and i think we've learned so much about this especially in this global pandemic that we've kind of had this rude awakening to our illusion of certainty that nothing is certain and things can things can things can crap can hit the fan without any warning without any notice and worrying about that happening isn't necessarily going to prevent it from happening and it's actually not going to help us be more prepared if it does happen because as we've seen this was completely unexpected this is completely unplanned and we've all had to just continue to figure it out we've just had to continue to figure out how to keep living how to keep showing up how to keep getting through struggles how to keep being human beings in the middle of a global plan global pandemic and so sitting around and spending all of our time wasting all of our mental space worrying about what could happen is taking us away from the only thing that we can actually experience which is right now and allowing ourselves to connect with the good that is happening right now the human experience that is happening right now that is available to us right now and now i'm not saying like i was talking about at the beginning i'm not saying that it's not good to plan and prepare um for you know the future to a certain extent right it's good to have plans it's good to have direction it's good to take some precautions but there's a difference between planning preparing and taking precautions and being paralyzed with paranoia apparently i'm really into the p alliterations right now but thinking about that when is it taking away when is it kind of adding this certain element of you know feeling kind of good that like i'm planned i've got a plan and you know i'll be able to figure it out and i've got some things in place versus being stressed and anxious and distracted and pulling ourselves away from the present with all of the worry you can do hard things if you are sitting here right now watching this it's because you're alive and because human existence involves pain and struggle just part of it you've shown yourself that you can get through hard things that you can handle hard things you can deal with hard things or you wouldn't be sitting here right now so reminding yourself of that reminding your brain of that whenever it goes into all the excessive worry being able to remind your brain say hey brain we can handle hard things we don't know exactly what's going to happen but we know that we're going to be able to do our best to deal with it and get through it and handle it the next thing that i want to invite you to stop worrying about so much is making mistakes how often we get ourselves caught up in perfectionist brain and for those of you who are like no no i'm not a perfectionist i can never do anything right that is the perfectionist like slogan that's how you know you're a perfectionist if you never think anything you do is good enough because you're always trying to reach for this standard that does not exist because there is no such thing as perfect and so you know we try to prevent ourselves from that feeling of vulnerability that comes with the awareness of our imperfectness of our being because there is no such thing as perfect but we are in such denial of it that we think that we need to be above that we need to be above mistakes so we need to be above failure that we need to be above missteps we don't allow ourselves to be human and a lot of it is because not just about you know the mistake that we make and messing something up or screwing something up and maybe even disappointing someone else or um or even just even about what somebody else might think about that i'm going to venture to say that that's not the biggest thing that we fear i think the biggest thing we fear is how we are going to treat ourselves if we do what we are going to make it mean about us how we are going to blame and criticize and judge and berate ourselves for that mistake for the failure we are most afraid of our own inner critic of our own committee of a-holes in our brain some of us have an entire committee it's not just one inner critic it's an entire committee so what do we do about that how do we deal with that to not be worrying so much about making mistakes and really fearing ourselves is building our sense of self trust building our relationship with ourselves by repairing our relationship with ourselves because so many of us have a broken relationship with ourselves from years and years and years of doing exactly this blaming and judging and criticizing ourselves for any unintentional misstep from any mistake that we ever make from any failure that we ever have and you think about it if you're in a relationship with someone who every time you made a mistake they were hard on you they ridiculed you they judged you they tore you apart if you were supposed to be in a close relationship with that person and that's all they did all the time i'm going to venture to say it would be really hard to feel safe in that relationship it would be really hard to trust that person and then we wonder why we don't trust ourselves building self-trust it's a key foundational piece to how we are thinking and feeling every single day and i have a guide for you it's called the simple steps of self-trust that you can get in the description below that's going to walk you through those foundational steps to start building that foundation of self-trust so you can start liking yourself in your life a little more every day also this is the deeper work that we're doing in the shift society really working on the worry working on the fear the anxiety the self-doubt all of it taking it to the next level with tools and teaching and ongoing support you can get the information for the shift society in the description below so that you are the first to know when we open up registration again worrying it's a big one it's a lot of times a bad habit that we our brains have gotten into and we're not really doing a whole lot to stop we're kind of just feeding it and indulging it but we don't need to most of the worry is not necessary or healthy or helpful let me know what connected with you from this video i would love to hear where do you struggle with worry and even let me know what's the first step you're going to take to getting in there and dealing with it and putting a stop to it or at least decreasing it if you would be so kind to like the video and share it out if you think other people need to hear this that would be amazing oh and subscribe to the channel if you haven't already i think the button's about right down there and always good to have you here until next time take good care

Channel: Julia Kristina Counselling

Views: 25,163

Rating: 4.9509916 out of 5

Keywords: stop worrying, worry, worrying, how to stop worrying, how to stop worrying all the time, is it bad to worry, why is it bad to worry, the school of life, what causes anxiety, the cause of anxiety, the cause of worry, find peace of mind, stop overthining, how to stop overthinking, Julia Kristina, Julia Kristina anxiety, Julia Kristina counselling, worry and anxiety, worry or anxiety, therapy in a nutshell, joe dispenza

Id: uJTOGUVYMss

Length: 18min 52sec (1132 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 13 2021