4 Needlessly Elaborate Movie Schemes - YBOC (Minority Report, The Prestige)

[Music] eat your heart out okay go oh hey there nerds I've got your highly detailed results right here and my name is dr. Jordan of the house breeding first of his name the unwashed king of the sandals in the okay chin king of screens call of one great SPP protector of myself Regent apologist of the lucky number Slevin breaker of dances and father of one kids so cute you'll make your eyes fall out but please call me Jordan we're on a roll you're on a roll you're watching another deeply intricate episode of your brain on crack the show where people keep telling me movies don't have to be as logical as I seem to want them to be and the only show on cracked edited by physically cutting and splicing thirty-five millimeter film today I diagnosed all right let's face it if I was in a movie most of my plans wouldn't get any further than pooping my pants and begging for mercy and that's why I'm always the first to praise movie characters when they actually come up with a solid elaborate plan that does not end with a wet face and/or diaper but that said sometimes these movie schemes are way longer way more convoluted than they ever should logically be the others and M night Shyamalan is the village one day so had it with 70s disco and mustachioed porn stars that they just up and leave civilization behind start a new community in the woods they get rid of all present-day technology and pretend that their new settlement exists in the 1800s and to ensure that their children are never seduced by the outside world in its Harry Potter books and meth eulogies and meth-fueled Harry Potter themed orgies the parents take turns pretending to be freaky monsters who attack anybody who tries to leave eventually one of the kids stabs another kid out of horndog jealousy and the only way the wounded teenager will survive is with modern medicine but of course anybody who ventures into the modern world to grab some penicillin will inevitably see a bojangles refused to return to their life of chewy venison and grass pies ceremony of meat the older solved this problem by sending a blind girl because she could nab the medicine without ever being in danger of seeing any horseless carriages whizzing by or a trailer for a movie ah remember will used to have those it is too painful but shockingly sending a random blind girl into the woods to scrounge for Advil isn't quite as foolproof as you'd think to start the dudes tasked with accompanying her immediately abandoned her because they're terrified of the monsters nobody told them were fake his movie so when the jealous guy shows up to stop her she just has to outrun him and hope she doesn't get stabbed or fall in a hole which is sort of tough because you know that the eyes don't they don't work good [Music] he said literally any of the elders could have grabbed a walking stick and gotten the medicine themselves they know the monsters aren't real the one the girl deals with is just a mentally ill Adrien Brody trying to have sex with her he wouldn't try to all his parents probably done different types of love [Music] also the elders know the layout of the forest and arts and this is super crucial blind you knows the worst chance of being seduced by the sultry sounds of 2004 and all of its chart-topping Black Eyed Peas albums someone who hasn't had an erection since the Nixon administration Minority Report is a story about pumping sad children full of drugs until they can see the future might as well be called Elon Musk's basement movie by the time the movie starts the pre-crime program is still in beta and the three precogs only predict future murders in the Greater Washington DC area while floating in kiddie pools full of pre-con something thanks to the kids horrific unceasing nightmares nobody has been murdered in years and everything seems to be going great for everybody except I guess the drug children but all that changes when Tom Cruise's character is accused of murdering some dude he's never met before and he determines to find out if these coked out vampires ever get a prediction wrong answer my question during his quest Cruz learns of the murder of a woman named and lively from years earlier the police had captured her initial attempted murder but as it turns out there was a second killer who arrived only moments after the first and murdered her and an identical pattern to the original would-be killer they were so similar the police thought the precogs were having echoes and just throughout the second murder vision except twist it turns out that the second murderer was the director of pre-crime and the woman was a precogs mom that wanted her kids back so the director devised this sneaky way to kill her before she ruined his program what he did brilliantly exploited the system at least until he messed with Tom Cruise and as we all know you should never mess with Cruz's especially during a pandemic however there is one way he could have avoided the crews entirely again the Precog program literally only works in Washington DC if the director had attempted to murder her literally anywhere else he could have gotten away with it precogs couldn't predict a drowning occurring at say Camden Yards and I don't know the third urinal stall from the right in something like the club section bathroom just as an example at the end of the movie the precogs are given a happy life of not dreaming about murder by getting dumped way out in the middle of nowhere away from people and their salacious thoughts their range is limited such that he could have grabbed her driven outside the city limits and I mean you know murder her or whatever I know it sounds like I know a lot about murdering people but I promise things have changed a lot since I was active least setting this stuff well let's say that I did spend an awful lot of time in the prison library the director of pre-crime surely knew the precognitive range of his little future seekers but still divides us insane scheme which ultimately leaves behind an abundance of evidence and ironically a whole bunch of murders the emotional turning point of fast and furious is the brutal but also soon to be reckoned murder of Dom's main girl Letty DOM had recently left his girlfriend to protect her from crime yes and to the surprise of exactly nobody Letty an insanely talented street racer and highly competent criminal poor goes getting a barista job and immediately turns to the life of crime she'd never left to support herself without DOM and his improbably thick neck buddy goes all in on the crime skipping over growing her own pot or smuggling fidgets spinners and diving straight into the heroin trade her bosses recruitment plan is to hold street races and offer spots on his heroin running team to the winners and Letty of course wins the trial race but what she doesn't know is that the drug lord Braga only has his drivers around heroin a couple of times before capping them in the head ensuring the location of his secret tunnel round never leaks it's the perfect crime except this plan requires Braga to host a massive street race every couple of weeks with enough attention to attract drivers talented enough to pull off the precise driving required to navigate his route yeah but doesn't anybody notice that the winners of these races disappear a few weeks after the win surely word gets around these are some of the best and most notorious drivers in the world and at this point Letty yourself has already been involved in several major heists that warranted FBI attention and the series makes very clear that Dom's gang are almost supernaturally gifted room rumors so how long is it before Braga exhausts his supply of competent drivers after a few runs he's gonna be recruiting from the delivery team at the local Jimmy John's now that's bull just pay them well or something that professional criminals stop micromanaging them and let them do their job I'm tired of all these disrespectful bosses who don't trust me to run heroin without flipping I no rat the prestige follows the epic bitter rivalry between two grown up this is literally their only job magicians Robert on shear and Alfred Borden after a few years of screwing with each other's axe Borden comes out with a new trick called the transported man wherein he seemingly transports from one side of the room to the other instantaneously Roger cannot figure out how Borden pulls this off but he makes it his mission to one day come up with a better version Courtney the prestige and magician's life is like one third tricks maybe two thirds overwhelming obsession and vengeance and then maybe just a little rubber ball play thrown in fortunately on sheer meets Nikola Tesla who just happens to have built a big ex cloning machine in the 1890s on jeer uses this ex machina at every gig duplicating himself and killing the most recent original on G or via trapdoor drowning his former self in a water tank under the stage on G R then loves his drown clones to a big warehouse for safekeeping or maybe just to look at them and talk about his day I guess thankfully each new clone has all volunteers memories along with his penchant for card tricks and his winning Hugh Jackman he smiles so it's almost like he never drowned horribly at all but at what point does on Gaea realize he doesn't need to keep duplicating himself and just used the same duplicate over and over it's got his memories and stuff so it wouldn't take too much convincing to get his clone to participate in this very simple plan after all on G or consistently chooses magic over anything else in his life it'll take two seconds before his clone would say oh no these lots of fine but lots and lots of fine andand own empty drown well consider me and me when he learns that wardens version of the trick utilizes his twin brother aka nature's all-natural clones it blows on dears magical mind don't know why sounds you never considered that hell he could make three or four clones and do an even crazier transportation trick with him showing up under people's seats and beside them at the third urinal stall from the right of course on Geo would never consider this he's the kind of magician that would surgically grafted to the back of your skull just so we could pry it from behind your ear all right he discussed the timeless sex appeal of the black-eyed peas mentioned Christian Bale's rubber balls confirm that I am indeed not a rat that's it be sure to talk to Kathy on your way out to pick up some drugs for your will I am finish yeah good luck with that hey guys thanks for watching that video I really appreciate you watching it we're hoping to make a whole lot of these so if if you could hit the subscribe button if you could maybe just ding Lobell so that you get the notifications when we put out new videos I promise we'll make them funny we'll make them good please do it [Laughter]

Channel: Cracked

Views: 106,795

Rating: 4.7914901 out of 5

Keywords: your brain on cracked, jordan breeding, cracked, after hours, obsessive pop culture disorder, movie schemes, movie tropes, movie plots, movies, humor, comedy, sketch, funny, hilarious, christian bale, american psycho, letty, fast and furious, vin diesel, the village, prestige, the prestige, cloning, doctor jordan breeding

Id: s6VsIYck2wI

Length: 11min 2sec (662 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 19 2020