1 Hour Of The BEst Doctor Stories On Reddit!

a doctor's offered it what are the craziest excuses you get for people putting things up there but when I was first interning at a trauma center adduce said he went to his daughter's bathroom since his wife was taking a while in the shower says he slipped and up into his ass goes his daughter's hole Barbie doll when we did the x-ray we saw Barbie not only was she way up and there but her arms were straight up and hair was everywhere it really looked like she was having a grand time dude was found laying facedown on his couch completely naked with a fish tail sticking out from between his cheeks firefighters and paramedics were trying their best to not laugh he never gave an excuse all he said was it was frozen when it went in the fish thawed up his ass and the scales made it so he couldn't pull it back out he ended up needing our surgery to remove the fish also to top it off like I said everyone was trying to be professional but just before the ambulance doors closed to take him to the hospital one of the firefighters pokes his head in and said next time don't play with your food buddy at this point no one can keep from laughing and everyone except the patient loses their composure the patient tried to see the ambulance company for not being professional but soon realized it would mean this entire incident would go public and change his mind shaving cream can not a small one he didn't have an excuse and he was rather proud of himself he asked for a copy of the x-ray faired ends people fed ends my personal favorite was a dude who clearly had a golf ball up there after I checked on PR exam yes my finger was up his butt me save got a golf ball up there him yeah but that'll come out easy it's the cue ball in there that I need you to get out for me he said that he'd heard that mangos are good for hemorrhoids he did the only logical thing when armed with this information mango up the but it required Wrigley forceps to get it out good times at least he admitted to putting it there that's a step in the right direction not an a doctor but an amusing story nonetheless a friend of mine was downstairs in her living room watching TV after putting the kids to bed her young son suddenly appears at the top of the stairs and starts calling for her she asks him what's wrong and he proceeds to say mummy I wasn't sure whether to put the lego up my willy or up my bum so I put it in my bum but now I've lost it a choice no one should want or need to make fortunately after a quick trip to hospital he passed the Lego and no harm came of it and his sister was bribed not to tell her school friends with copious amounts of ice cream in the hospital I worked in through university word used to get around pretty quick when someone came in with something up there but they always said that they fell on it one was a tennis ball and he said he was watching tennis on TV while naked and playing with tennis balls then fell on one we always joked about how sick people can be until one day a guy came in with an apple up there of course he fell on it detectives later came to interview him when we became aware of their theory that it was there because he owed the wrong people money it all became a lot less funny not a doctor but we did have a guy many years ago with a butternut-squash lodged in his rectum had no excuses his fetish was well known as he was a frequent flyer dart what's the diameter of his butt hole obligatory not the butt but the urethra used to have a repeat offender who would make frequent visits tomorrow he used to like to stick things in his dong pencils pens straws etc the last time we saw him he had inserted three to one stroke two inch drywall screws into his urethra manually with a Phillips head screwdriver he kindly brought the screwdriver with him just in case we didn't have the right tools after surgery to remove the screws he wound up with a suprapubic catheter lost track of him after the screw incident he never complained of pain was always polite and thankful just a weird fetish I guess and yes he was referred to psych men at times my ex-girlfriend is a nurse in a plus E the British version of the year and she came with all sorts of weird and wonderful stories one that stands out is of a guy that came in with a rubber snake firmly lodged in his beige daisy-like hole way up there nothing dangling he apparently had some pretty weird friends who made him shove it up there as a forfeit during a drinking game okay alcohol makes you do some weird crap with this guy and his brothers rubber snake survived the incident another nurse eventually got it out of him that he had tried again that's a later date I guess it awakened something in him and like the feeling so kept slithering it up there with the intention to pull it out I guess like some anal bead type thing but he got it almost the whole way and his ass did that weird winking thing and it all went inside almost never to return this all happened in Scotland strange people and I guess very open to sharing father is a surgeon here are some of my favorite dinnertime tales first story he told me was pretty funny guy came in with a hole wrapped Pepperidge Farms summer sausage stuck inside dad said basically they just needed to attach a clamp to the knot on one end and slowly pull until it eventually came out turns out this happened the night of the hospital Christmas party sooo before the party dad runs to the Pepperidge Farm booth at the moorland buys another sausage upon arriving at the party he found the doctor who attended the procedure and proceeded to rant about people wasting such a great product and started slicing off pieces of sausage and eating it also the story of the guy with an entire set of billiard balls up his ass they came out in numerical order so the guy obviously took his time and didn't ignore the small details people are weird not me but my friend told me this story when she was a med student working in the hospital a male patient came in complaining of stomach pains apparently he was moving very carefully because she determined that he likely had something in his ass when they did an x-ray they saw stack of Legos in this man's colon complete with a little lego person at the top with his little lego arm sticking up she called me on her break to tell me about this and about how she could never look at leg as the same way I got her son some mega bloks for his birthday shortly to this it's always I've never done anything like this before or I met a girl last night who talked me into it like no dude you don't just go from never doing it before straight into peeled mango followed by a 12 in rubber dong folded in half you just don't go from zero to mango not a doctor but have worked in radiology for years we had a patient come in who had a vibe stuck up his butt and was totally straightforward about it he said it had been up there for almost 24 hours he had been trying desperately to get it out but no luck he was in pretty significant discomfort shortly before we went to get him for his x-ray a note was placed in his chart that essentially said patient states the batteries have finally died and is feeling much better we of course thought this was hilarious but we were also very impressed at how long the batteries had lasted one of the techs joked that she would have to find out what model he had had a patient once like this small vibe stuck in her but I was being all professional starting the IV and it was dead silent except the faint humming of the toy patient broke the silence and said dang energizer batteries so my mother is a radiographer she once x-rayed a guy who had an entire unbroken light bulb up his ass his excuse was that he was putting cream on his haemorrhoids when his dog ran into his legs and he fell backwards onto a lamp it was taped to a stick and when they removed it it had a condom over it well if you're going to fall on a lamp you might as well put a condom on it only logical not my patient but one of my colleagues told me a story about a guy who came to the ER with a cucumber lodged in his ass he told them he was gardening and fell down onto a cucumber he was also insisted that the staff not tell his wife about his hospital visit friend-of-a-friend is an EMT last year he responded to a call for a young teenage boy with rectal bleeding and a colorectal foreign body which his fancy-pants medical speak for something lodged in butthole turned out to be a 15 year old boy with a large tree branch stuck in his butt he had been experimenting he made a terrible judgment call and then he had to call nine one he didn't even bring the branch inside just did it in the yard which is where they found him naked from the waist down he told them he'd been trying to get an all-over tan and the tree fell on him the EMTs politely pretended that this wasn't the dumbest excuse they'd heard all year the kid was fine this is actually statistically very likely to happen strong storm blows pants down tree branch breaks and boom not a dock that I've had a patient who tried to dislodge their constipation matter by shoving a toothbrush up their rear and it got stuck very far up there possibly the worst stench ever when he had to have a colonoscopy bro had a guy with two baseballs stuck one was able to come out but the other they had to take to the or once they realized they couldn't take it out with force had to surgically open the guy patient almost ended up with a colostomy due to the damage he caused that x-ray was interesting so I'm not an idiot ending I was working in a needy at one point in a very poor neighborhood in New York and we got a call from him saying we had a disruptive patient coming in this sort of tool gets you ready for what's about to come or not as you'll see about five minutes later we hear screaming any yelling comes from the ambulance Bay it's just a muffled sound but we can sense the aggressive nature income the patients the OHS loud and busy and right now it's dead silent for 20 seconds as we are evaluating what's rolled in mind you at this point in the way our Reedy ambulance trade station works everyone in the IDI can see what just came in it's a very open floor plan the patient is actually patients it's a woman laying prone with a man laying on top of her also prone a white flat sheet and a Mylar blanket are all that's covering them they are screaming and I mean unholy language and anger I honestly don't remember most of it but I remember that it was one of the few times I think I understood why cursing was invented there just aren't words yet for some things so we get them into the room and uncover them he apparently forcefully inserted himself into her anus and she clamped down with pain he was well-endowed so it was much harder than you'd imagine to remove himself the lube which we think was just spared had dried now the woman really looks like she's in agony she's got tears but she's also a dervish of anger she's laying super still though and every time he moves she's got nuts so the attending attendings really cause we had surgery GI and the rest of the IDI staff consulting on this decide he would sedate the woman and hopefully relax her enough to remove the man it worked but not to her benefit as the man had done a fine mess of her backside and there was copious amounts of blood she ended up being rushed to the ER and he was later lost to follow-up I don't know what happened to the woman but I assume she did well or we would have heard about it had a kid once come into same urologist the referring GP gave us one single line one leg oh and the urethra he was very disturbed and said that he wanted us to just cut his dong off cause he wanted to be a girl I have a friend who works in A&E what we call here here in the UK and he had a guy and a girl come in both with each other's wedding rings up their butt holes kinda romantic in a weird way once upon a time I was a lab assistant in a hospital one of responsibilities was to take all sorts of things from surgery to pathology these things ranged from limbs to placenta as well as items removed from the body and they came down on a dumbwaiter that alerted us with a siren and flashing lights so it was a big ordeal we got all sorts of interesting things like one time I had to bring a full leg to pathology which was a lot heavier than one might assume anyway we had a new hire who was super stoked to receive his first item from surgery if so the alarms go off one day and he jumps up I got it and the excitement on his face was palpable he rushes over to the dumbwaiter and in one hand picks up the paperwork and the other a giant tube of chorizo sausage we all knew instantly what it was but being a naive new hire he had a look of puzzlement as his eyes wandered from the to Bob chorizo to the paper work where he read out loud removed from anal cavity OMG w and drops the me tube on the ground I can't remember how long we all laughed for but for every holiday since he always received a tube of chorizo sausage no matter who was his Secret Santa friend in a nurse told me over time that a man in his thirties comes in to have a glass dong removed because a stopper past the rubicund so to speak dude had nothing to hold on to the safe extraction dude setup haha it was my wife's idea last time I'll let her try that on me he was dropped off at Via by another man I work in the air guy came in with a light bulb up his ass didn't really say how it got up there you could see it on the x-ray of his pelvis quite clearly he just told us that he was at a party and mistakes were made trouble is this party ended three days before he decided to come in on the upside via doc got it out safely in one piece that thing was freakin huge though it was the typical round lightbulb shape only bigger as soon as it came out that guy proceeded to have one of the most epic and smelly 3-day overdue dumps ever not Ana doc but I once consulted on a rubber dong that was lodged in the sigmoid colon it had literally gone round the bend which is why the a guys needed help long story short we had to scope the patient camera up the ass their excuse they got drunk and fell onto it this story isn't that crazy until I tell you the guy was thirty years old and his devout Christian parents had to come and pick him up because he couldn't drive after we finished his procedure the dong wasn't the only thing that came out that day if you know what I mean medical personnel offered it what was the most uneducated statement a patient has said to you that X's mum recommended I stopped taking my antibiotics because antibiotics are bad for you they kill your antibodies people who think I am taking their vital signs at 4:00 a.m. to make more money no you just had open heart surgery 12 hours ago it's kind of a serious thing a year ago before my grandmother died when a nurse would come in to take her vitals my grandmother would put up such a fight because she thought a nurse was actually stealing vital signs from her as if they were a tangible object her mother requested a maternity test for her child not a paternity test but a maternity test she was convinced that her husband put another woman's semen in her when she was sleeping you read that correctly I just remembered a second story this girl came to the pharmacy to return her birth control I asked her why she said she got pregnant I asked if she took it every day she said number on the days I didn't feel like taking it I made my bf take it I couldn't believe the stupidity I made them answer a bunch of questions until they realized how stupid they were my friend has just graduated as a doctor and did a placement in Cape Town down in South Africa apparently things gets a little crazy on Friday nights and one night they had a guy coming presumably in an ambulance with an axe lodged in his head the patient didn't survive a few hours later another guy came in and asked if he could get his axe back they said certainly sir wait right here and called the police walked into the local detox one night for a seizure and find a male flopping himself around on the floor while some disinterested nurses watch I give the universal greeting of Em's whatcha got before the nurses can answer the patient looks up at me from the floor and says hey man down here I'm having a seizure then he goes back to flopping time to start an IV pick a number between 13 and 15 drawing blood I had an older woman say wait you're going to put it back right number I'm not and she freaked out she didn't know the body will replace it once had a patient who was prescribed in inhaler for his cat allergy he came back a week later saying he was none the better turns out he was spraying the inhaler on his cat when I worked in the Canadian Rockies we had an instant where a mother sprayed her kids with bear spray as they thought it was a repellant like bug spray it was 99% K and pepper with a nine foot range after looking at the patient's chart and seeing she had diabetes me do you have any medical conditions patient no me are you sure you've never been told you have any diseases patient never me what medications do you take patient insulin for my diabetes but diabetes is a superpower I want an STD test cause I had sex with two people without washing my dong in between okay do you know if either of them had an STI or do you know they don't bill that's how you get them in it I'm sorry you get STDs by not washing your dong in between woman number no they have to already have you should always wear a that's just bad hygiene uncle is a dentist said he had this 20-some year old coming with a bombed-out motor that needed to be pulled he explains that she is going to lose her tooth and is expecting some sort of negative reaction which is customary a response that's okay I'll just wait for the other one to grow in what are the one like when I got bees it was because I lost the old ones those were baby teeth these are adult teeth you only get one set so nothing will grow in the hole shudders I cracked a motor once and had it pulled my wisdom tooth took its place wasn't expecting it though 20-something year old patient comes to her chief complaint on the Border's private this should be good go him he is visibly depressed and sad tells a story about how he slept with a woman didn't use protection and after he noticed she had a plastic box on her when she told him it was an insulin pump for diabetes he was mortified came in immediately to be tested for diabetes I had asthma when I was a child so stopped frickin patronizing me and telling me how to raise my daughter just because you think you're smarter than me leaves hospital back in hospital two hours later six-year-old daughter and respiratory failure and admitted tonight cou eggs I ain't no chicken my house cleaners teenage daughter was helping out one day and as I said hello she mentioned that she was pregnant again this will be child number three so I comment that at least we know her eggs are healthy then I receive the chicken egg comment I give her the short version of Human Reproduction and and rebuffed I promised her that she in fact is full of eggs and hers are in top form a week later she is back and informs me that in us confirmed everything I had said I gave her insulin because her sugar was low also dumping ice water on overdosed drug addicts that just makes the paramedics wet as someone with a mom who has type 1 diabetes I find that terrifying on a similar note a lady once tried to give my mother Splenda when her sugar was low an old man from a remote valley thought that he had got Parkinson's disease because he had been masturbating frequently when he was younger that's what the church told the young boys to keep them from doing it poor guy I am NOT a medical person but I once thought I was having a heart attack at work and drove myself to the air I was placed in a bed with a curtain after skipping Trish and getting Iggy kg dry tin the whole way of the 5 other roommates separated by curtains was a 53 year old man that was there for burning sensation in his penis I know this because multiple people came to talk to him about his condition and he had no volume modulation what everyone kept asking him was did you put something chemical in your penis his response to each one was yeah I might have it took 5 nurses and a doctor before he finally fessed up to what it was bleach he said he dribbled bleach into the tip of his penis to keep from getting an STD the nurse was silent for a few solid moments before asking why and if he did this every time he was sexually active he said he wanted it clean and that he wasn't sexually active at the moment he wasn't sexually active he had done it after masturbating and was under the impression his own semen could have infected his dong with something he didn't want she then had to lecture him that if he wasn't sexually active with another person he likely wouldn't contract an STD and that soap and water are a good way to clean his genitalia in the future I was frozen in my bed making that face from Edvard Munch's the scream and my no ex-wife mirroring it back to me the man was moved elsewhere perhaps to rebuild his urethra lining and we were still too shocked to discuss it until leaving the hospital 4 hours later for future reference if you think you're having a heart attack please get a ride to the hospital I had a patient who drove themselves while actually having a heart and they crashed their car into a tree so they had a car accident and a heart attack nurse here I once had a 20 year old female patient who didn't know that having sex would lead to pregnancy she had no idea how at my animal hospital I've had many people over the years bringing their cat because they found tumors not knowing that male cats have nipples I'm never going to have a baby because the hospitals don't wash them anymore she's 30 come a good choice my nan diabetic patient with a blood glucose of 1250 I'm hungry can I eat well sir your blood sugar is really high so let us get it under control first can I at least have a drink I can get you some water no something else without sugar like juice you're kidding me right in chart allergies shark bites it makes me break out in bleeding a middle-aged lady in fear too once told us at the last minute as she was being wheeled in that she's allergic to latex everyone freaks out because so much of the stuff we use in theatre has latex in it so we take her to the latex-free theatre and do her surgery there when she's in recovery and awake I inquire as to what reaction she has to latex I just don't really like the sound the latex gloves make dear I just turned around and walked out I actually have had two disease in the last few months I was rotating in the ax seeing a 20 year old female patient who came in for a few days of terrible vomiting first step was to get a urine pregnancy test which came back positive I went in and gave her the resultant she got this very panicked look on her face that quickly turned to confusion she looks at me with the most serious face and says I just don't know how this happened I have only let him finish in my mouth a few times but I have never ever swallowed it that would just be stupid the next half hour was spent discussing the fact that she had been having unprotected sex for about three years because neither her nor her partner understood how pregnancy occurred best part was they apparently usually always used condoms for oral sex but not vaginal sex much education was given on that day second I was seeing a patient in a preoperative clinic and reviewing her history and allergies she claims and firmly sticks to it that she is deathly allergic to all saltwater bat red painful rash all over her body while at the beach she was also claiming to be allergic to snow where she apparently her face got all red and hot after being out in the snow she was dead serious and had no psychiatry problems good news she gots a line and didn't die I had a patient try to feed her newborn baby a French Dip sandwich a few years ago work labor and delivery for a few days and you'll wish there was a license required to breed this isn't the most uneducated but it's pretty classic I work in pediatric critical care at my first job we had this kid that was immediately post-op from a small surgery doing great was probably going to sleep it off and transfer to a general floor the next day the mum wanted to snow him with drugs and kept on insisting he had pain which he denied and had no vital signs or actions to suggester he was hiding he was getting scheduled oral opiates and Tylenol but this lady was insisting on something IV when she didn't get anywhere because the kid kept denying pain she asked for something so he would sleep through the night in the nurse said we can try some benadryl and the lady snapped she demanded a doctor who rated the nurse and essentially said we were mistreating her child who was moving OMG I'm fine dying the whole time as he played xbox the doctor on service was this awesome brilliant man who was tired of dealing with this lady drug seeking for her kid he put on a smile asked what the concern was listen to her complain about how the nurse had offered a kid benadryl cocked his head and said well what about diphenhydramine have you ever tried that it's a very effective sleep aid for anyone that doesn't know benadryl is the brand name for diphenhydramine they're the same thing immediately the lady perked up and said define her mean yes yes let's try that meanwhile the bedside nurse is struggling to keep from laughing says I'll go get that and to the pixies drug dispenser in the locked room where she loses it kid got his diphenhydramine this reminds me of the time I was mad at my brother I must have been 12 ish and told him I put deoxyribonucleic acid on his doorknob my dad was furious I explained it to them later now I am a science teacher and trying to educate my students so they have some science literacy as adults my dad worked in a Philadelphia hospital during his residency he says that one time he was asking a woman about her medical history and she told him that she was once diagnosed with fireballs of the Eucharist it took him a minute to figure out that she meant fibroids of the uterus fireballs of the Eucharist sounds like a really cool Christian FPS I'm a nurse who has worked in the burned trauma like you and I am now a hospital supervisor during the night shift the stuff that people come into the hospital with his mind blowing either their medical problem or their social problem or both my most recent and favorite experience was a patient who called the hospital condition concern line wanting to know why we were not teaching her how to Tet feed the operator who passed the call to me thought it was a prank at first I go to the mother baby floor to meet with these people and talk to their nurse I come to find out that the mother has tested positive for heroin in her urine it also tested positive in her newborn and she also has a current history of marijuana use in her past history of substance abuse her last three children have been taken by CPS and tomorrow which is five hours from now they decided to make this complaint at 3 a.m. her new kid will get taken away I go to talk to this woman to explain why we can teach her to breastfeed you to the drugs in her milk but the stuff that comes from this creatures toothless mouth is unbelievable her first statement is your job is to teach my kid how to suck my tit and I don't know why the hospital is doing this to me I don't smoke that much weed I'm cutting back she ignores the heroin here and thinks it's the weed and I always feel good on drugs I talked with her in circles for a little while it finally ends with her saying frigate I'm having a smoke she got up and left and that morning CPS came to take her way the kid was in the nursery the entire time I'm told she barely even looked at it since birth thank God that CPS took that child immediately my old doctor said I could keep this pair of contacts for a year this girl comes in with the same contact she got his trials over a year before and she had never taken them out not to mention these weren't night and day contacts these will be weekly Acuvue lenses she did not leave very happy that day I once left a pair of those things in for like three days and it was awful those things must have been welded to her eyeballs at that point don't eat or drink anything after midnight before his three-year-old daughter's surgery the next morning tonsils and adenoids while intubating his daughter the next morning she vomited scrambled eggs causing her to aspirate them into her lungs her heart stopped and I did chest compressions on her for 25 minutes we got her back aborted the surgery and transferred her to pediatric IQ on a ventilator her father's response she said she was hungry I thought you were being too hard on her it must have been something you did to her if you're working with kids just ask them what they had for breakfast chances are that they forget that they aren't supposed to tell you serious doctors overheard it who were your dumbest patients I am in a doc I once had a 20 year old and his girlfriend come in at 2:00 a.m. freaking out because something had tore his throat open he seemed fine no blood breathing fine I had him open his mouth saw nothing so didn't want him to lose confidence in me clearly something had happened so I'm looking and looking there is nothing wrong with this kid's throat finally I say look it seems okay what do you feel or see I don't feel it but look it's right there we're looking looking it was as uvula somehow this kid had gotten to the age of 20 without ever noticing his uvula girlfriend was also horrified I told them it was normal did not believe me so I told them I was about to blow their minds and showed him his girlfriend's uvula minds blown another life saved in the air had an old coot who was sweet but had clearly spent his adult years drinking away whatever brain cells he started with he presented with a chief complaint of I can't drink beer anymore every time I drink one I just throw it back up a few minutes later well turns out cooter hadn't been able to eat actual food in months was subsisting on pretty much just beer and hadn't crap in over two weeks but that didn't bother him a bit until he couldn't have the beer then it was an emergency he had a big old tumor blocking the distal part of his left : so near the end of the road intestinal eeee speaking and everything gradually got backed up all the way to his stomach that's why he couldn't keep a beer down there was just no more room at the end I fixed him with a coal us to me and he got better and left he refused chemo and I figured he'd just go home and die of cancer but then almost exactly one year later he came back to me with just about the same complaint obstructed to the point of not being able to drink beer except this time it was that his ostomy had essentially retracted into his abdomen and the skin had nearly grown shut over it he was crapping out of a teeny tiny hole in his skin even my oldest partners had never seen anything like it but once again cooter wasn't remotely fazed he just wanted us to fix it so he could go home and keep drinking I did haven't seen cooter since I kind of hope he's still out there treating his cancer with Budweiser and just blissfully ignoring the Grim Reaper I met one who was taking lap cellos extra-strength laxative for her lactose intolerance to expand on this lack cello's does contain lactose had a marine once who came to me complaining of a rash to his right forearm see two weeks this was his first visit for the issue and hadn't had anything like this before and was worried since he reported worsening symptoms since initial onset when asking about prior skin issues he told me he had ringworm just prior to this rash look at his arm it looked like a mild second-degree chemical burn in a rather circular shape with blisters on the edges got me was the exact definition and the Burnage asking the young LCpl how he got that he replied well that's the burner I got from the bleach I poured on my arm when I asking him why he poured bleach on his arm well how else was I going to kill the ringworm I uh I did that once junior high rattling thought it would clear up overnight obviously was not cleared to wrestle learned my lesson I was an intern in the air I have seen a lot of stupid people it was a small town and all the worst I think was when I walked in and the floor smelled like I don't even know it was by far the worst thing I had ever smelled I asked to passing this what the smell was and he just shrugged his shoulders and told me someone probably crap everywhere well the doctor is preparing to go into this room but I did not expect what would happen next that he opened the door and I almost laughed it was extremely hard to keep my professional composure the guy had his leg wrapped up the doctor asked him to unwrap it and it was gangrene from his foot up to the middle of his thigh the smell I had been smelling was rotting flesh the cause the 4-wheeler I was riding caught fire six months ago we had a patient once on a PCA a kind of pain medicine pump with a button that the patient pushes to dispense more medicine she thought she had to physically lick the button in order to get the medicine it was weird I had a patient in our 30s complain of monthly rectal bleeding that would last for six days and stopped on its own it started when she was 11 she just thought she should get checked out it did stop for a while when she was pregnant there was one who was very upset to find out that she was pregnant again because she'd used her diaphragm exactly as she'd been told she carefully inspected it for holes applied the spermicide placed it wore it at night then took it out cleaned it and put it away each morning and then her husband arrived home from his night shift there are several place calls the patient who fixed an appointment for a pedicure the day after open-heart surgery he said that he'd just sneak out of the iQue and that nobody would notice the patient who had an amputation of half of his foot and decided that it would be a good idea to walk to the toilet after returning to his room covering the floor in bloody footsteps because the suture rips open again the patient who said that he didn't have any previous operations but was basically covered in scars when asked about each of them he suddenly remembered having about 15 surgeries for various accidents the patient who forgot that he had his kidney spleen and part of the kiln removed because of the tumor the patient who decided that he'd never take more than three pills a day because obviously taking more than three pills a day is going to kill you he was on four or five different meds at that time and basically just chose at random which meds he was going to take which day good thing I don't take pills for my condition I do however randomly choose how many units of insulin to take GP here the most outrageous thing I've heard was from a boy who was something like 20 22 years old very poor illiterate family the boy had a bad case of tonsillitis and refused to take any meds because all he needed to do was bite the son basically at noon he had to look up to the son open his mouth as wide as possible and bite the son several times so it would burn his tonsils and cure him over the course of a couple weeks when that wouldn't work Plan B was to do the same it's night but only under a full moon TL DR bite the Sun and cure you tonsillitis I worked a fiea during my internship and met a girl who had increasingly painful and red eyes since a couple of days back the last 24h had been horrible I asked about all the normal stuff and she claimed to have no idea why she had this eye problem she had never had anything wrong with her eyes I proceeded to drop some dye her eyes to check them in a microscope and when I do I realize she's wearing contacts she didn't like her natural eye color so she had bought a set of blue colored lenses eight months earlier never remove them not even during night time didn't even think to mention this to me claim to have no foreign materials in her eyes needless to say I gave her quite the harsh lecture and a referral to an ophthalmologist we had a patient common for theatres when asked if she followed the fasting instructions she said yes but luckily the nurse didn't believe her with some prodding the patient eventually confessed to having six chocolate bars and an orange juice for breakfast obviously the surgery was delayed had a patient who was convinced that drinking juice with baking soda was helping him fight prostate cancer but your cancer is actually getting worse him I'm gonna stick with my plan I really feel like it's helping they put a dong ring on for a week solid turned up with a dong licker aubergine color and swelling no way it could be salvaged given a full penectomy as bad as it sounds now has a hole between his legs at least that's the one that sticks in my mind this is how they castrate sheep and such a band around the base of the scrotum they just fall off 14-year old couple splitting birth control pills to be extra safe girl gets pregnant boy gets Janaka Master surgical resident here one that comes to mind while I was on the cardiothoracic service was a gentleman that came in through the trauma Bay with a stab wound to the chest he reported after we fixed the rather large hole in his right ventricle that he was just visiting a friend and while on the stoop of the building a random Stanger stabbed him with a sword from a first-floor window he proceeds to laughs get back in his car with his buddies and drive home despite the rather profuse bleeding from his chest he drives home for some period of time and then eventually decides he should go to the hospital but drives by himself to the hospital last thing he remembers was being on the way to the hospital lucky man was found in the parking lot had passed out in his car eventually made it to the or and walked away just fine TLDR dude gets stabbed in the heart decides to go home and hang out for a while eventually somehow drives himself to hospital before dying and without hurting someone else on the road I'm guessing he panics and thought there is no way that just happened well okay but it's not that bad nope it can't be not a stab wound from a sword that's a death for past people when I was doing rounds in the ER for my medic I encountered this woman she was in her early 40s and was apparently a frequent flyer for pain meds since she had become known in the community this was a small city in West Michigan she was no longer able to trick doctors into giving her meds so what does she do she pulls out her own teeth she had tried to do a couple but they wouldn't come all the way out she did eventually get one out bit this was after a few attempts this isn't a stupid part however she felt that this may not do the trick so she waited for a few days knowing she would get an infection and we would have no choice but to give her what she wanted well it didn't work they gave her NSAIDs and antibiotics there was the guy who's elderly mother suffered a massive brain haemorrhage and I had to tell him there was nothing surgically we could do for her he tearfully told me that he would do anything for his memmer and she could of his brain to save her life dude wanted us to do a brain transplant I had to tell him that no unfortunately that would not be possible that's terrifyingly stupid but also touching and sweet in a Forrest Gump kind of way I have the grandma the mum and the teen in the room the teen is pregnant but this apparently is a good thing there are no fathers grandfathers boyfriends jobs in the picture but everyone decided it was about time a new generation was added to the family lineage apparently the team did not appreciate the fatigue full bladder back pain et Cie that go along with being pregnant and is also experiencing some cramping pains but she demands that we do a c-section because she's tired of being pregnant even though she's still not far enough along because then we can just hook up the preemie in an incubator to finish growing and the government can just pay for her incredibly expensive IQ stay my jaw just drops dentist here I had a patient a few years ago who could not understand how she had gum disease on her upper teeth she though gravity would pull all the bacteria down on her lower teeth leaving her top teeth Park free turns out using cement as a DIY cast feel broken did not reset leg is a bad idea it turns out the chemicals in the cement irritate and dissolve your skin he became septic and almost died by the time he presented for medical care emergency medicine preventing natural selection one stupid person at a time when I was a teenager I for some reason thought it would be a good idea to mix up a small amount of concrete in a bucket with my hand because you know finding a stick or something is so hard it turns out that gravel is abrasive and cement is very caustic this is not something I did the second time I had a patient who came to the emergency department vomiting so much I had to admit him for intravenous fluids I took the usual history including what in eaten recently nothing out of the ordinary a few hours later he calls me over doctor I did eat some chicken and rice earlier my girlfriend made it yesterday and we left it in the pan on top of the stove overnight and I ate it this afternoon this was in a July heatwave do you think that could have been it yes yes I do we had a woman that went through three hospitalizations for diabetic ketoacidosis in six weeks her glucose was up to 1100 her explanation is that she didn't like her endocrinologist so she refused to go back optometrist here had a guy come in for a glasses exam for the first time in ten years and I discovered he had full-blown glaucoma going on and I asked him if I could run a test to help confirm he got super angry with me and demanded his prescription I said I'll give that to you but I need to prescribe you medicine to help save your sight his response was well if the good Lord wants me to lose my sights then Who am I to stop him I made him sign a waiver and he left I've never been so frustrated at a patient I work as a scribe in the ER and we had a guy come in asking to be tested because he may have an STD so we start asking him if he has had unprotected intercourse and multiple partners to which the answers yes next we ask if he has any itching rash discharge et Cie to which the answer's no well this guy thought he caught asthma from having intercourse with some Chiclets asthma he thought it was an STD I had a girl come to the afib blood spotting and abdominal cramping she had just started her first intimate relationship and had taken plan B every day for five days because she was worried about getting pregnant they used condoms and she was already on the birth control a med student myself and another student took a history from a guy who drank several 10 plus cups of tea a day with six sugars in each one for my thirst and had six meals a day off for bacon sandwiches with butter for the energy that's all he had every day that's it he couldn't understand why his heart disease wasn't getting better why he'd put on weight why he was now showing high blood sugar and was borderline diabetic I too cannot understand why he is borderline diabetic had a girl in Riya who got beer poured over her while at a party she went to the bathroom to clean herself but didn't find anything to wash herself with like a sponge or something so she used the next best thing she found in meticulously scrubbed her boobs with steel wool and a skin care addiction gets worried about facial scrubs while in nursing school I had a patient who had wounds on his leg and refused wound care because hospitals are clean and you can't get an infection in a hospital he refused even after having me and then my instructor explained to him about hospital-acquired infections and the need for wound care not a doctor it's as an Army medic I have had some damn patients one of the first guys I treated got really bad road rash from a motorcycle crash and decided to treat it himself by pouring whiskey on it by the time he came to the medics it was pretty bad and I had to do two bright mint with a scrub brush basically scrubbing the bad parts off with plastic bristles he was in a lot of pain and I was trying not to laugh at him one guy came in with fluid-filled bumps on a red base around his mouth textbook herbs I asked him if it was his first herpes outbreak and he started yelling at me for saying he had herpes he refused to listen to anything else I said and asked for the PA who took one look at him and asked if it was his first herpes outbreak we once had a guy who had the tip of his finger amputated his first question was will this grow back one guy had a sore back and while I was doing the physical exam he said doc my spine is curved it wasn't that's why my nose is crooked to care of a patient who we diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma this sweet woman was her late 20s for those that don't know NHL responds pretty well to chemo her father-in-law had a business selling camel's milk she opted for a camel's milk treatment plan over chemotherapy she was convinced that camel's milk can treat anything she said she came to the hospital just to find out what it was that she was going to treat with the camel's milk SNH one more I'm telling on behalf of a colleague who doesn't read it in the wee hours of the morning he got called to see a trauma consult it was a guy who reportedly wandered into the as stating he'd just come from a bus stop across the street from the hospital he had just woken up there and realized that he was missing his wallet as well as all of his clothing from the waist down what you ask would prompt an indecently clothed man to march barefoot across a busy downtown road in a big city by the dawn's early light to seek assistance in the air' shame be damned his butthole really really hurt my friend didn't appropriate workup and discovered a large chunk of broken off concrete Lodge in this gentleman's rectum it required an operation to retrieve it however before they whisked him off to the or the patient confessed the rest of the story he hooked up with two strange men off of Craigslist and they'd gone out in one guy's awesome sports car used copious amounts of illicit sandy tow and done well at that point he wasn't too sure just what they'd done all he remembered was waking up at the bus station with no pants on the rock up his ass and then while my friend was still in the air with the guy getting consent for the operation the patient's very worried wife walked in doctors Medical Examiner's morticians of Reddit what is the weirdest anomaly you've ever found on in a body a mummified foetus I was working in Africa and the usually very stoic Congolese surgeons called me into theater gagging the patient was an elderly woman with a protruding abdominal mass when they opened it they found that it was a long long dead mummified foetus which as a result of an ectopic pregnancy had somehow managed to both wore off after it died and somehow avoid killing the mother her body had encapsulated the alien tissue and over the years it had slowly eroded her anterior abdominal wall to the point where it finally caused her to have enough symptoms to get something done about it it was horrific and the smell was worse happily though the patient survived the procedure and just left the surgical team with her memory when my mom was a mortician I would hang out in the mortuary watching TV her boss showed me a guy who had retained water and drowned his balls were the size of a grapefruit not the most pleasant thing to see at age 15 when you poked him he moved like a waterbed in med school I had to do a pelvic on a woman during my e/m rotation and found her in pipe she forgot she put it there during a traffic stop I also had to remove a nail from a guy's head he figured it must have went off while reloading he had intractable tooth pain so he got sent by his dentist for a CT and lo and behold there was a nail in his cranium guy came in for an outpatient MRI on his cervical spine on the forum where him asks if he ever had any metal and his body specifically asks if any injured by a metal object he selected no same with a verbal questionnaire also we do a keyword search in the patient's heart chart for the term foreign body in case it's documented nothing came up he lays down and I start taking images while talking to him though the speaker during one of the image sets he starts pounding on the inside of the scanner and screaming figured he was claustrophobic so I stopped the machine and get him out immediately he jumps up and talking nonsence and runs into the wall screaming he needs to get away from the ocean I call overhead for emergency room staff to come down in security as he's flailing continues screaming and running into the wall before we restrained him the staff rushed down and he's talking a mile a minute and explaining how he is inside of the poster of the beach that covers the entire wall in the room he's in scared out of his mind and hallucinating security restrains him and he's taken down to get an x-ray of his skull there was a BB in his frontal lobe it had just enough ferrous metal left in it to travel a few millimeters in his brain in the emergency department he kept trying to escape and was very fast while unrestrained he got up somehow convinced the guard he was better patient belted out of his room into the main hallway a code was called for a lost patient for over an hour nobody could find him until the nurse looked into a large storage closet poor guy was found in a pool of blood he crashed into a large mirror that was leaning on the wall and had severe lacerations of his neck face and arms efforts were made to transfuse him but it was too late still haunts me how a simple BB from 40 years earlier could do that discovered his brother accidentally shot him with a BB gun when they were kids did an autopsy once wear the patient's plasma separated from the blood one giant plasma ball it was really weird the weirdest thing I've ever faced as a doctor is also by far the saddest and I still think about it every now and then five-year-old kid with oral pharyngeal cancer caused by human papilloma virus warts she had been sexually abused since she was two years old or even younger by her father which was now in jail and got the cancer because of continuous oral abuse that caused papilloma to grow on her throat but no mother in a sight was being raised by foster family when she arrived to us the growth was already blocking her trachea and eventually she underwent surgery to remove the tumor then chemo there now the five different surgeries when I stopped working there she was breathing through a tracheostomy hole and still under treatment a bad prognosis it's been five years since I left and she is probably dead by now and it warns me because no one told me in college that my profession would make me see the worst part of mankind doctor here general prac and young sir not many experiences I had this kid 8 and his mother come to the Petrich about a cold as soon they came in they filled the room with stench like a wound festering that human rancid smell a kid had a runny nose but secretions were coming from a single nostril upon examination we found the sinus or cavities filled with cotton apparently the kid had this funny idea of stuffing one nostril with cotton and shoving it up inside with a stick as far as he could we had to call the specialist to remove a lot of very deep cotton that was of course a picnic field for bacteria kid probably isn't going College but he won't be lacking new ideas neurologists here we don't get as many cool stories as their Docs however when I was a medical student we had a cadaver with a very large and very tiger-stripe tattoo dong this was the only tattoo this man had and was very unexpected when it came time to genital dissection obviously this was saved by the stuff for use on all of our Anatomy exams you walk around the room to different parts bodies and identify whatever has tagged and this specimen was always identifiable by the only laughing medical student as they kept rotating around the room imagine donating your body to science only to get your dong cut off and laughter four years more after your death father owns a Crematory we once cremated a man with no clothes and not in any container and along with his ashes came with massive belt buckle I kid you not we have no idea how it got in him but it was definitely there you can take the man out of Texas but you can't take Texas out of the man teratoma consisting of a couple motors as an incidental finding in a pelvis x-ray it was in the patient's uterus guy in his 20s who had a neck x-ray it was discovered that the peg holding his head onto his body was congenitally absent sana don Toit it's probably a good thing he never played football my dad had a patient that slipped and fell on a whole mayonnaise jar weirdest thing was in a woman's intestine a dead mouse tiny little thing obviously never got the chance to ask how the mouse got there as this was postmortem definitely unexpected though she probably swallowed it to catch the spider my colleague was embalming an autopsied male and found two hannett's numerous plastic tissue sample slides a plastic urine container with another person's name on it and over 27 latex gloves within his abdominal cavity a nurse man comes in after a car accident we do a brain scan for safety and find a three-inch nail embedded in his brain ask man about it he says he has no idea admits he was once shot where the nail gun but had no ID or a nail had been lodged in his head it had been there for well over four years interned with an Emmy and we had a case where the death was very very sudden he didn't really complain about any pain or anything and then was gone we opened him up and there's blood behind the kidney almost an entire liter of blood in the cavity with no sign at all of internal bleeding not really fitting with the question posed but a medical oddity just the same my mother-in-law miscarried twice before she had my husband and his twin brother she had some kind of cysts or protrusion in her uterus that once one of the previous fetus got to a certain week of growth it would rub against the protrusion and rupture the sack and a fetus would not be at a point of viability and would perish so when she became pregnant with twins she knew inevitably she would sadly lose them at that stage the time frame comes and goes fetuses are still okay and growing normally comes time to have them early as with twins and lo and behold not only are they in the same amniotic sac but the other twins sac is around the one they shared they were double bubbled they had twin transfusion syndrome so no one at the time had a moment to think about it life-or-death emergency at that time but the fact that they were double wrapped is more than likely the only reason they made it that far they both survived the twin transfusion there rare in the early eighties for one if not both to die just an amazing story I think a real grub inside a tooth an old patient came to us with a long term and several pain in her tooth the doctor extracted the tooth and put it into a tray after one minute we saw the grub crawling out from the tooth this woman had lived with it for at least six months one of our cadavers had two spinal cords aka split spinal cord malformation I worked in medicine as an x-ray tech medical assistant one day we had a patient come in complaining of a stomach ache considering the time of the year it wasn't an abnormal complaints to have come in our family practice so we run him through the normal tests urinalysis and an abdominal x-ray come for those medically inclined well he was a shorter fella so I had a lot of room on the film this kind of x-rays one large shot centered on your belly button it's mostly used to see how full of crap you are I went to the dark room to process his film when something weird could be seen near his butt there was definitely a lot of poop backed up that I couldn't tell what was causing the blockage I showed the doc the film and she busted out laughing the doctor I worked with was usually stone-faced and serious about these kinds of things so it was odd we were all confused she asked me to go into the room with her while she asked him some questions the first thing she asked him was what he shoved up his butt I was so taken aback by this statement I almost missed what he said you see this 40-year old man has diarrhea of the week before and decided to shove a tampon up his butt to stop it he tried to take it out but the string got caught and then he simply forgot about it we had to remove it it was disgusting and I never did another procedure ever again in my anatomy lab my groups is Qaddafi had died from systemic complications of stage 4 lung cancer and when we got to the lungs they were too rock-hard necrotic blackened masses that look nothing like the other cadavers pink and spongy lungs my anatomy prof took one lung out and wrung it resulting in this putrid black goo flowing out of the lung as he was draining the lung he mentioned in an Indian accent this this is what happens when you smoke heard a story from the urologist when I was in medical school about a guy who came in for a vasectomy during the procedure the urologist has trouble finding the vas deferens stereo ders a few tests turns out the guy has bilateral congenital absence of the vas deferens CA VD but the guy had three kids and Lucy had some splainin to do she isn't dead but this week I saw a patient with endometriosis in her lungs somehow wound lining cells had traveled to her thorax and colonized on the lung but she previously had symptoms of coughing up blood while menstruating but because the endometriosis was so severe was on the pill to stop her periods entirely then she came off it to have a baby and after the birth with her hormones all over the place she developed two pulmonary embolisms blood clots in the lung and a few weeks after that three successive pneumothorax collapsed lung the womb cells had tried to shed and made a hole between the Airways and the SAC surrounding the lung letting air escape she's deciding now whether to let the surgeons cut out the part of her lung with the endometrial cells to go back on the pill for life or to have a full hysterectomy and remove her ovaries tough choice at 32 physicians of Reddit what's the worst injury you've seen at a routine checkup first year nursing students in LA and I was at clinicals when a guy who I had to do a physical assessment on all we could do since we don't know much tells me he's been hearing strange cracklings and noises in his ear I check his ear and it is filled with so much wax and whatnot call my RN advisor and she proceeds to clean out the guy's ear what does she find freaking fruit fly nest yay the medical field can get pretty rad it's always insects it's never a puppy not physician but x-ray tech had a patient walk in to the urgent care for hip x-rays her order said it was for head pain which is pretty routine turns out she had walked in on not one but two fractured hips cannot even frickin imagine how painful that must have been fede doc so hardly a routine visit but her guy comes up to the trigger with his arms over his head palms of his hands pressed against his ears a I'm in tremendous pain he says when asked what's wrong x-rayed him and found he'd broken his neck he'd been walking around with it for three days my brother once jumped on the front of my white car grabbing the front pillars with his hands I closed the door and caught his finger which he pulled out quickly as you do but there was a tiny chip of paint that had come off the car and got lodged under the skin somehow he must have spent a week or so chewing on it to try to get the paint out but it just wasn't working so he went to the doctor to see if he could help after checking it out the doctor tells him the reason you can't get that out is because it's your bone apparently when I shut the door on his finger I'd broken the tip off his pinky enough so he could see the bone through the skin and he'd spent the next few days trying to pull his own finger bone out with his teeth well this was the one that made me put the phone down and just stare off into the distance this was not a routine medical exam but I was at richness in the oh when a patient calmly walked up and reported a complaint of pain in my side he failed to mention the blood in the handle of the butcher knife sticking out of the left lower quadrant of his abdomen he was a homeless kid so phrenic who had been stabbed and had calmly walked into the year and waited his turn to be seen I am just glad he came in at all we also get a lot of people who come in for other things a sore throat or a cough and when doing a skin assessing we find huge pressure ALS's or gangrenous feet I have twice heard of patients toe come off when I removed their sock neither time had they come to the ER for that issue a patient who had a routine check-up at his ophthalmologist eye doctor who found a small spot in his retina was referred to a University Hospital tests showed it was metastases from a small malignant melanoma he had on his back our professor canceled our lecture because he had to tell this otherwise healthy man that he probably only had a couple of months left to live one of my parents oldest friends had a similar story went for their annual eye test optician suspected it was a detached retina and sent them straight to hospital turned out it was retinal cancer almost seven years later and fingers crossed all is well now I was working at Target lived half a mile away so I walked to work it totally sucked but I was out of shape and have cold induced asthma so I ignored it at this time I was picking up shifts left and right so sometimes I was closing the coffee shop sometimes coming in at 4:00 a.m. to unload the truck I was basically a zombie from what I assume was lack of sleep this goes on for a couple months until I had my annual physical I was joking with my doctor that I was super exhausted from work and I must be getting out of shape because that half-mile walk to work really sucks turns out I had severe pneumonia one lung was totally full of liquid and the other had some liquid - the doctor couldn't believe I was still up and about let alone walking to work and whatnot junetta doctor from Australia here I had a young lady common for a pap smear she was chatty and relaxed not nervous at all she lay on the bed and I got the speculum ready I opened it up and instead of seeing her cervix I saw kiwifruit sized blob of bloody tissue just hanging out in her vaginal canal it was one of my first pap smears I ever did and I had a sudden bizarre thought that I had broken her vagina I hadn't though it was just a big uterine polyp that had emergent was in her vagina hanging by a thread of tissue she was mortified although I tried to reassure her this was in a small town and later that day I went to the bakery to get some lunch and she was behind the counter the most common surprise I see is patients in long-term marriages e.t.c who come up positive for chlamydia from Australia , kiwifruit sized blob of bloody tissue yep checks out bloody Kiwis mum's a nurse and told me about the time a bodybuilder came in with a pulled muscle somewhere in his abdomen that was causing him severe pain long story short the guy was riddled with cancer it was everywhere apparently he was dead within 72 hours not a physician but I was doing medical service in Guatemala and we had an older gentleman come into our clinic to have a check-up and the entire time he sat there with us he was resting his arm on what we thought was a bag or purse on top of his leg at one point he goes to move and we see a huge lump underneath his poncho what we thought was his bag and asked him about it turns out it was a tumor that had been growing for around ten years on his leg and he wasn't even going to tell us about it I was putting a patient with mild breathing difficulty on a COPD research study he remarks that he had been healthy as a horse all his life the next day his routine chest x-ray showed metastatic lung cancer he was dead within two months my best friend of 24 years went to his doctor complaining of heartburn they gave him medicine went back a month later different medicine went back another month later still not cured they scoped his stomach stage for stomach cancer under he was healthy and athletic he passed away two weeks ago after 18 months of fighting it guy shows up for a discharged physical Marine noticed what looked like cellulitis on his leg turns out it was a brown recluse bite that he ignored had a fist sized hole of dead tissue in his leg we treated it with maggots for a few days it healed over with a very nasty dense scar not a physician but did EMT work while deployed for local Nationals seeking help had one guy get carried in from the nearby village and we're called out to the aect to see what we can do for a toothache he's barely responding when we arrived and smells worse than death still makes me gag thinking about it start doing the usual initial contact assessment and he's in bad shape vitals are all low he's hardly there and pus keeps oozing from his eyes and other orifices whenever you touch or apply any pressure to his face which feels like an old soggy banana come to find out he's had an infection for like ten years and it's spread throughout his skull neck and into his chest a single tooth long story short he died not too long after that while we were waiting for transport the dude went down cause he didn't take care of an infection never seen anything like that and doubt I will again guy comes in for an eye exam I note one eye seems a bit redder than the other he tells me it's been like that since a branch snapped back and hit him in the face three months earlier but I look under his upper lid and there is a piece off were the size of a tic tac embedded in the underside of the eyelid cannot believe it did not bother him more one time my I was kind of bugging me for a few days I was rubbing it in looking at it in the mirror when I noticed a tiny little hair in the corner of my eye I got it with a tweezer and slowly pulled out an 8-inch long hair from my eye socket it went way back to felt totally bizarre coming out it was also coated in a goo I have no idea how it got in there eyes are weird when to go see my doctor for a checkup her chest pains waking up that morning started to feel like someone is sitting on my chest walked 15 minutes to the physicians place and apparently after he checked my breathing he told me I had to go to the year to get my lungs x-rayed spent a week in the hospital for having a 40% collapsed lung doctors called it as spontaneous lung collapse really not a kind of spontaneity I'm looking for in my life spontaneous pneumothorax incredibly painful I had one a 25 while brushing my hair I went to an urgent care and someone must have miscommunicated to the doc because I rolled into a room in a wheelchair and Doc asked me about my cold I said I don't have a cold but I'm not sure what I did to my leg and rolled up my pants my kneecap was on the side of my leg they seemed rather surprised they told me to go to the year immediately slightly confused by how someone mixed those two things up we just got a guy in with ferny's gangrene from a very alarmed family practice doc he not sir in his final D I am warning everyone don't freaking look IT up had this story from my aunt who works in my Center one day this woman came in with her friends all drunk and high as Fricker's crap she was holding her eyeball somehow she managed to get hit in the face by a pair of heels and it pulled out her eyeball in the process the kicker is after surgery and all that she still seemed cheerful and even asked my aunt when her eyesight would recover apparently she was under the impression that her eyeball could be reattached I'm The Moron patient I had fallen through a ceiling three years prior and had just worn a knee brace my employer required me to go to the company doc for a yearly physical I'm not a doc so I can't gauge but here's the list that came out of that visit a torn meniscus ACL rheumatoid arthritis Hashimoto's disease and the place I went to had in-house genetic testing and the doc suggested that I should get tested since I had Hashimoto's and rheumatoid to help determine what else I had it was out-of-pocket but I thought why not I'm sure it was one of those upsells sort of deals but it really paid off in my case tests found all kinds of crazy crap that I carried but don't have as of now most of it autoimmune related it found Thompson's disease which is what those fainting goats have that caused them to faint in reality my understanding is that they don't faint their muscles involuntarily lock up and they just physically can't get up I have a mild case of it that only affects my arms but it's estimated that like one in a million have the mutation I have to wear a brace on my arms from time to time if I have to make a very quick movement I'd had a lot of unexplained muscle soreness that suddenly made sense another weird side effects I have is that I have trouble swallowing food from time to time and if I go all day without eating it's almost impossible to hold my eyes open by the evening and it has nothing to do whether I'm sleepy or not here's my primary care now amazingly thorough my god I wish I had your doctor pre-registration optometrist here had a lady present recently for an eye test following months of very painful headaches she had scans done at the hospital recently and everything had come back normal the only reason she was in for a test was that her eyes were the last thing she could think you were causing it and she was due for a checkup anyway she'll be looking into her eyes and finding her optic nerves in both eyes which usually lie flat against the back of the eye swollen and pressing forward with massive hemorrhages in the nerve fibre layer of her retina and naturally the hospital was phoned and she was seen within the hour the swelling had been caused by raised pressure in her head a potentially life-threatening condition as far as I am aware the neurologists are now on top of it and she is recovering well scary stuff as I had only been qualified 2 months at the time y'all n make me want to get a full-body exam I've read some crap I'm with you reading these makes me think there could be a billion things I have that could kill me mine's nothing on the few things that are here but I can share something I found myself I'm an ophthalmic technician basically my job is to do the diagnostic scans and workup some patients before the eye surgeon sees them fruiting consultations one lady came in referred from her optometrist for cataract surgery the optometrist did note she had slightly higher than normal pressure in one eye at twenty three normal ranging typically between ten and twenty when I checked her pressure in had risen to thirty five normally straight after this I would dilate her eyes so the doctor can see inside but I told the lady that based on a hunch I wanted to do a scan of the angles between her iris and cornea before doing that I found that these angles had closed basically due to her growing cataract her iris had pushed out blocking the gap at the outer edge of her iris where the fluid in the I generally flows because of this the fluid in her eye was very quickly rising acute angle closure glaucoma isn't rare but if you dilate someone's eye who has it you close those angles even more and I pressure continues to rise rapidly causing death of nerves in the eye I'm just a tech bill thanks to my hunch and scanning first I could have saved her site the doctor performed laser treatment that day to hold those angles open until her cataracts can be removed diligence more people need it good save nurse but some guy came in with lefur two and three fractures said he fell and hit his head on a tractor step about a week ago was just coming for medication refills when we asked about the mild facial trauma tiny laceration unremarkable bruising denied all pain medication and very minimally accepted it after surgery only because we practically talked him into it maxillofacial surgeon was excited about it she came down personally to get him and take him up to surgery I love when surgeons get excited about things not a routine checkup a woman 36 weeks pregnant comes into the dock in the box complaining of nausea vomiting and pain between her shoulders we ultrasound her abdomen everything was fine with the kid somebody had the bright idea as long as the ultrasound was out to Cultra sound between her shoulders to our astonishment she had a huge detecting aortic aneurysm she had to be survival flighted to a level 3 place and have a crash c-section and her aneurysm fixed the aneurysm was at least five centimeters across she and the baby both made it not me but a friend of mine worked in the IQ and he once told me about a girl who came in that was on a jet ski in her bikini bottom's got caught on something and ripped her entire bottom open vagina to butthole completely ripped open he said that stitching her up was incredibly awkward because she was a little drugged and super flirty I am always weary weary of loose item ends that can be snagged somewhere like a scarf when go karting etc but I thought that a bikini was tight enough to be safe a girl in Turkey was decapitated while go-karting because her scarf got caught in the rear axle while she was driving at speed yes there's an aftermath video on the Internet no don't look it up doctors and nurses offered it what was the creepiest last words you heard from a patient right before they died I don't care that I'm not a nurse if this was said by my dad to the nurse so close enough backstory dad had knees he'd had it since he was 18 diagnosed at 20 married my mom at 24 at me at 29 died 15 days short of 45 six months before that he was put on hospice he and mom were discussing funeral arrangements and my mom jokingly said you know Tim the best thing you could do would be to die on a Wednesday and that way we can have the body prepared on Thursday the viewing on Friday at the memorial on Saturday so more people could come the morning we got the call that it was time my mom two sisters and I were about five minutes too late after we said our good-byes the nurse pulled my mom aside and asked if that day had any significance it's not even 6:00 a.m. yet so mom doesn't even know what day it is much less if it's important the nurse tells her it's the 21st of May number nothing is coming to mind the nurse told her that the previous day he kept asking what day it was and they'd tell him it was the 20th he'd look irritated but accepted that morning he asked what day it was and they said it's Wednesday the 21st of May he smiled squeezed his favorite nurses hand and was gone almost immediately it was Memorial Day weekend and we did just as he and mom had planned and despite many friends being out of town for the holiday we had over 250 people show up at the memorial service overflowing the tiny church more than it had ever been filled to his dying day he was trying to make things easier for our family I miss him hey out of this hell thread this one got me the most people who think of others in their last moments are really the example we should all live up to thanks for sharing hugs for you but I don't know how to get there grandpa in hospice hadn't spoken in days died about two hours later yup that's creepy as all Frick I overheard an old lady whisper this to her old husband dying of kidney problems you are going to beat this you got away with murder this is nothing got away with murder is often used as a metaphor for pulled off some dodgy risky crap or you know he killed Summerson alpha Beach I work in a cardiac iku we had a patient who had a pulmonary artery rupture a rare but known complication of a swan-ganz catheter one minute he was joking around with us and the next bright red blood was spewing out of his mouth his last words before he died were why is this happening to me it still haunts me years later I can't imagine how awful that was nurse here had a patient come into the ER with shortness of breath he started deteriorating in the ER and then quite rapidly on the transport up the iku we got him wheeled into his room replaced the aligns and tubes with our own and transferred him from the transport stretcher to his iku bed he actually did most of the transfer himself he didn't say anything but just before he died he pleasantly adjusted his own pillow laid his head down and then his eyes went blank this man just made himself comfortable before laying down to die I'm a nurse and was previously working as an assisted living community on the dementia Alzheimer's unit my very favorite patient had been declining pretty steadily so I was checking on him very frequently we would have long chats and joke around with each other it's in the last two weeks of his life he stopped talking completely and didn't really acknowledge conversation directed at him at all I finished my medication runs for the evening and went to see him before I left I told him I was leaving for the night and that I'd see him the following day and he looked me in the eyes and smiled so genuinely and said you look like an angel I thought it was so sweet because he had not seemed lucid in weeks he died the next morning it really messed with me ro that put a tear in my eye and I'm not the kind of guide to have that happen to me you obviously had a very positive effect on the final weeks of that man's life hold your head up high my grandfather on his deathbed said they have no eyes still give me chills the long troll my dad fell into unconsciousness around noon we managed to get him into bed and he responded with a hand squeeze when I said I love you we watched and waited the rest of the day 3 a.m. his breathing changed and as his breathing become more and more labboard he bolted upright eyes wide open looked at his wife my sister then me and smiled exhaled and died my first hospice case she was on morphine and started mock smoking she looks at me took my hand and said please in the most pleading voice I've ever heard i sat with her body until the corner arrived she has no friends or family only her lawyer showed up I've only done one hospice case since that's so sad she must have been so lonely get home safe little one it wasn't what he said he said the same thing to me any time I had him as a patient for the evening it was how he said it he gave me this look and pours like he knew the DNR's in my experience always know when it's time it's creepy relieved they're relieved when it comes most of my patients were older and usually happy that they might see their friends and family again relieved that the pain will be gone and that they won't be lonely ever again speaking of if you have older relatives that on bottles please visit them they miss you cardiac Akoo had a gentleman who was DNR on comfort care he was demented and was cursing like a sailor he seemed to have moments of clarity and would ask to see his brothers who were both passed after a particularly worrisome heart rhythm he went back into a sinus tachycardia and looked me in my eyes and said hey what's your name cabbed what do you do here I'm a nurse after this he was quiet for some time then he said Frick you and then he died about 20 minutes later I can only imagine what was going through his mind as he passed nailed it fuck I was a hospice nurse for many years super gratifying job for a nurse surprisingly as a regular nurse you were rarely offered thanks hospice Nursing is an island into itself mostly peaceful lots of times sad often a blessing this is sad but also creepy and I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it had a twenty year old kid gang member who was dying of primary liver cancer it's super unusual aggressive and terminal he was angry at the universe his family was there to comfort him but he literally spit in their faces every ounce of energy he had left was angry and mean and ugly his mom would beg him to lighten up and accept Jesus into his heart he would swing at her and tell her to eff herself the family remained beside in hopes he would chill out at the end his last day oz moments he was angry the family called me into the room and told me they thought he was going he wasn't responding change Stokes breaths eyes glassy and skin cold the end was imminent his lovely mother in her dearest attempt whispered to him to go towards the light to her Jesus with his dying breath he opened his eyes looked at her and said f you're Jesus a second or two later he slowly turned his head to the to the left and got the most horrific look on his face as if he was looking at something we couldn't see and horror right like in a bad movie his face contorted and he screamed with his last breath eyes wide oh crap oh crap Ohio Yahoo then made a guttural noise and promptly fell back into the bed and died every family member was shaking and too frightened to speak and I left the room and took two days off I don't care if I never find out what he saw well he was angry at the idea of Jesus right so maybe Jesus showed up and took him to heaven and now he's up there sitting in a corner scowling my grandma died in 1989 my grandfather Bob died around 1965 she never remarried never dated but she did have a great life when she was dying she yelled Bob Bob here I come oh honey I've missed you so much we always joked that we were glad she didn't yelled Bob who the heck is that my mom was watching over my great grandfather in the hospital he'd been unresponsive for a day or so when suddenly he said it's about dang time you got here I've been waiting and then he died I found one of my comfort measures only patients standing as the side of his bed it surprised me because he had been mostly unresponsive during my I helped him back into bed and he asked me while all these people were in his room he suddenly became quite again and I noticed he wasn't breathing he was a DNR sir there wasn't anything to do to try to bring him back looking back he may have been talking about me and the CNA that was helping me get him back into bed but who knows what or whom he was seeing the last minutes of his life still creeps me out a little when I think about it my father-in-law sat at his mother's bedside for days as she was dying she was in and out of it and spent a lot of time and conversation with her parents and siblings who were all long dead one of the last intelligible things she said was leave the gate open Rodney I'm coming I'm an apprentice funeral director we went to a nursing home on a removal and as we were walking down the hall one of the patients got antsy and opened the door to his room and saw us walking with the stretcher I'll see you next week boys and guess who we had to pick up the next week it never ceases to amaze indented ain me.how gallows humor makes it into our lives DN our patients was on comfort care was on a high dose of morphine and Halla nating she would alternate between grasping for things not there and trying to climb out of bed she was too and steady to walk so my job was to sit in the room and make sure she was safe she tried to get up and I went to ask her what she needed she grabbed my arm and pulled me down towards her face and said very angrily kill me that one flicked with me for a while I was in the hospital for a week on morphine after a while that stuff really starts to mess with you checked in on a patient before the end of my shift and she was in good spirits have been joking with me the whole time her condition was tenuous newtrich but she had been positive throughout I asked how she was doing and she replied by singing the old gray mare ain't what she used to be and wished me a good night I came in the next morning and she had coded and died overnight last year my grandfather started desperately pleading for his life with his German captors from World War two the doctor present was smart and said in German you are free hare cata catcher - you are three and then he died that was nice from the doctor came into an early shift and was handed over a patient who'd been very anxious and had a panic attack overnight he was anxious all morning but absolve fine ECG fine and so I just asked someone to sit with him to keep an eye on him reassure him for me he gets worse really panicky heavy breathing he's on his side in the photog position but doctors will be in in ten minutes so I tell him I'll get them to him as soon as they come in but ask if he'll lie on his back for me to help his breathing he tells me he once make it until they get here in that he won't face the other way odds still all fine at this point but he's more agitated so again I suggest he moved position for comfort and that's when he says I won't make it until the doctors get here if I turn to face the other way I'll die he repeated this a few times to me he arrested literally as the doctors walked in and he died on the side he'd been refusing to turn to I'm convinced he knew kamar if I tend to face the other way I'll die that was my exact same thought the first time I had a panic attack back when I was a CNA this one resident fell off a bike for exercise in PT and ceased they came to and became lucid and said I think I'm dying but everyone in the room assured her that wasn't going to happen she seized up and was dead within minutes paramedic 17 y ou female car crash please please please don't tell my parents I was drinking see you there that seems more reassuring than scary in my opinion you're not gonna believe this talk about a cliffhanger can't wait for season two of old man with heart failure daggoo I laughed pretty hard at this not a hospital story but according to my family my great-grandfather was unresponsive his final few days but suddenly sat bolt upright in the bed and then had a huge smile and raised his hands out as if greeting someone then he fell back and died it was the same with my brother but he didn't sit up he just smiled lifted his hands up and out and I'd I've commented this somewhere before but it stayed with me I'm an RN and while I was a student I was caring for a lady who had end-stage renal failure had a DNR and was shutting down we were having a little chat well I was chatting away while helping her put on some lotion when she stopped looked over my shoulder and said bills here love I've got to go and swiftly stopped breathing read her old notes and bill was her deceased husband intubated PT wrote on a clipboard if this hearse I'll get you just before the surgeon pulled out the PT's chest tube post open-heart surgery the tube ripped one of the coronary grafts he bled out in about five seconds you have been visited by the donor dog oh good and also tasty still fries will come to you if you comment thanks for the recipe than a dog oh if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people [Music]

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 611,966

Rating: 4.5909195 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh, doctors of reddit, doctor stories, reddit doctor stories, reddit doctors

Id: dvV8sgXKXa4

Length: 90min 24sec (5424 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 16 2019