1 Hour Of The Best Doctor Stories On Reddit (r/AskReddit Top Posts | Reddit Stories)

doctors and nurses of reddit what is the funniest thing you've heard when a patient was on anesthesia but you couldn't laugh I have epilepsy and we have a fugue state after our seizures where we're confused and loopy but it's also blacked out in our head so I don't remember this at all apparently in the ambulance after the seizure I was singing Britney Spears oops I did it again in reference to seizing again the EMTs found it so funny that they made sure to tell me about it once I was in the hospital and awake enough to remember then a few weeks later I got a package with a Britney Spears CD in it and a post-it note saying seize the moment but seriously take your medicine when sending my patient to sleep we were given the drew kasbah the IV said you'll have to give me lots of that stuff referring to the drug us worried I said why thinking he and undisclosed allergy or condition we hadn't known about instead he said as he fell asleep because I smoked weird difficult to keep a straight face when I had surgery on my angle I apparently got my dr to laugh and some of the nurses after the surgery to laugh so they gave me a shot of something to numb me up or do something important before they actually put me to sleep i remember up the point where they gave me a second shot after the second shot my Dr told me to count backwards from ten apparently I just looked at him and said no need and passed the duck out after the surgery when I was waking up but still pretty out of it the nurses brought my dad back to help get me ready to go when I saw him I yelled you're not my mom to which he replied I'm your dad Dumba's apparently that was the best thing the nurses had heard all day I was getting a hysterectomy and apparently right after the druga started kicking him I loudly proclaimed to the nurse that I named my cervix she asked the name and I slurred cervix a lot and passed out I wonder if she laughed or if she just rolled her eyes I'm glad I didn't die on the operating table because those would be my last words yikes not a TR but a patient coming out of post-surgical Hayes and there was this woman moaning and carrying on really really loudly Oh quiet for a moment or two then aha I asked the nurse to shut her up because she was really bothering me only to be told it was me making that god-awful racket not a doctor nor a nurse but when my father went under for the removal of several teeth he woke up he revealed an almost Encyclopaedia college of bridges which he revealed to the cabdriver I have never heard of him talking about them before or after but he was confident enough to name his top ten bridges in their engineers I once went in for a day surgery operation on my knee and I knew my then girlfriend's mum worked on the day ward the catch was she didn't know we were dating cut to me waking up in recovery after the OP and there was a nurse standing next to my bed who asked what was it she wasn't allowed to find out turns out I'd been saying Julie who works here can't find out what we're doing thankfully there was more than one Julie on the ward so I just mumbled I had no idea and must have been talking nonsense nurse in the ER we do conscious sedation for broken bones or chest tubes and stuff we make sure to remove all family from the room prior to sedating because patients really do say some pretty bad stuff one was a kid who came up to all the staff and he had never told anyone before the other was a woman who talked about the sex shield troubles with her husband and how they were having marital troubles after getting my wisdom teeth taken out the nurse waiting for me to wake up told my mom that when I opened my eyes i sat up immediately and asked for my tea I the dot prior if I could keep them and he said he'd leave them in abacus so she was going to give it to me anyway layout was brought out to a waiting area so she could have my mom come get me I guess someone else was there and I very proudly showed this stranger my back teeth then passed out again she told my mom it wasn't uncommon for people to ask if they can keep their teeth but she never seen someone be that desperate to have her she also made it a point to say I kept putting the baggie up to my face and getting a very serene smile law not a doctor or a nurse but was a patient I had a few surgeries in my teens I went to her Children's Hospital up to 18 years old for the surgeries I always remembering waking up in a recovery room full of crying kids apparently one time I woke up sedated to high heaven and told a nurse to tell those kids to shut the duck up I'm trying to sleep apparently everyone thought it was hysterical my nickname from then on was sleeping beauty not me but my soul when he was f2 he was helping demonstrate insertion of an endoscope for a colonoscopy on an elderly lady for some undergrad med students she was anesthetized and as the camera went in she said Oh Harold not tonight you know I don't like it in there all the med students were a little stunned at first but he just burst out laughing and they joined in I was taking care of a nurse from another specialty she had to go under general anesthesia and went off for 30 minutes about how we have all of the good drew guts inland fentanyl is the best sheet ever etc' I definitely told her all about it when she fully came out of it professional courtesy and staff I woke up at the end of getting my wisdom teeth pulled out and I was high as a kite he had one more tooth to pull out and said it might hurt and I just yelled I ain't no itch the nurse couldn't keep it together last surgery I had right as they pushed the needle of the good stuff I asked the entire theatre if anyone needed anything while I was out they laughed I passed out into oblivion surgeon here I had a patient try to munch through the surgical drape that separates anesthesia from surgical side to create a peep hole while mumbling on how he was curious what was happening on the other side he was also hitting on an older scrub nurse with no [ __ ] attitude it was hysterical propofol is helluva drug my wisdom teeth extraction I woke up crying and the doctor nurses were really concerned until I told them I was crying because I missed my wisdom teeth they enjoyed that one I then proceeded to point out the light switch and ask them to turn the radio and ask the nurse if the doctor was a good guy because I wanted to invite him to my birthday party I was probably 16 I'll preface this by saying that I don't like hospitals especially when I'm the patient I went in for a colonoscopy and was given proper full and whatever for pain I'm a complete drug wimp so fell asleep in about two seconds when it was over I was being taken to recovery and I kind of woke up I said am I done can I go home and the nurse said you can't go home until you pass gas so that we know all of the air is out of your intestines I thought right then and as I was being wheeled into the little recovery Bay with curtains not walls I pushed as hard as I could simultaneously my husband stood up and said hey bar and I farted so loudly and for so long that I almost launched myself into the next room I heard my husband bellow Jesus Christ and then I heard some laughter from somewhere else I said I'm ready to go home and passed back out while my husband stood there looking around in confusion about what had just happened I've never heard the end of this first not a doctor yet second everyone in the room laughed including the patient after we told him later but I like this story I was working in the ER when a man came in with a dislocated shoulder he said he was riding a mule and it threw him off into a tree later he was given Twilight sedation and the doctor pops his shoulder back in while he's coming to he says does anyone here want to buy a mule I've got one and I don't really want it anymore it was especially funny because he was totally serious high but serious not a doctor or nurse but my own experience while sedated for wisdom teeth I apparently kicked a nurse in the gut who had grabbed my ankle to keep me from twitching when I woke up I asked this sameness to take a selfie with me before I knew I kicked her she didn't tell me until after the selfie I have a picture to commemorate the time I assaulted a nurse the last two sedation's I've had surgery and colonoscopy I've woken up to be the nicest person in the world apparently I would wave at anyone who would walk by the bed and tell them that I hope that they would have a nice day and would compliment everyone I kept forgetting to breath though so they needed someone by my bed to remind me to breathe I just remember waking up to someone nonchalantly going boob take another breath again my husband had to have enough a GI endoscopy done a few moths ago he woke straight up by all appearances at a serious detailed conversation with the physician about the results and walked out under his own steam even offered to drive us he decided he really wanted Chinese food not delivery or takeout it had to be buffet apparently the druggist hadn't actually worn off because he came to in the buffet as far as he's concerned he passed out in the DRS office and woke up in front of a heaping pile of beef teriyaki when my wife was getting a colonoscopy there was this hedge dude also in recovery this dude made Michael Clarke Duncan looked like a 98-pound weakling anyway sees half who pee from the anesthesia and says in a very kid-like voice my tummy has a vewy bad ouchie he kept repeating it for like ten minutes and I'm thinking that if I laugh he'll remember after recovering and turned me into something resembling chunky salsa without breaking GS sweat when I had a minor surgery on my hand I remember being pretty hungry before going under while I was out I dreamt of burritos and tacos the surgeon informed me that I was describing my perfect Taco Bell orderin slurs and mumbles almost the whole time not a doctor but my own experience woke up and started screaming my lungs hurt in English heard everyone laughing no one could understand me because I live in Brazil then proceeded to tell them in Portuguese that I couldn't see anything naturally the nurses were scared that I had gone blind only for me to follow with I need my glasses when I had to get a cyst removed from my wrist and was in the recovery room apparently I was holding hands with my wife and said your hands are so cold must be all that ice I bought you and I pointed to her wedding ring I don't remember it at all but she told me the nurse thought it was hilarious not a doctor or nurse but I've gone under a couple of times the one I remember is when I had my colonoscopy I told the doctor I made sure it was nice back there I got my house crack waxed for you to be fair I had gotten the Brazilian two days earlier but that wasn't the reason I'm also pretty sure that he saw his share of Harriers cracks after I got my wisdom teeth taken out I decided to play some music I must have pressed play and lost focus and then remembered what I was doing after the first song had ended the second song began playing but I began singing the first song because in my mind I just pressed play that must have been the worst round some poor nurse had ever heard my husband had his wisdom teeth out and while under sedation he told the dr and the nursing staff that he couldn't wait to get me home and into bed rather explicitly it was hilarious also the dentist had the same name as a famous male porn star I was waiting for him to make a joke about that but he was shuffled out pretty quick once he started talking about our sex life I'm not in medicine when my sister had her wisdom teeth removed she had general anaesthesia she woke up and asked the doctor for her teeth so she could give them to the tooth fairy when I had mine done I reportedly didn't do anything stupid however my mum left me in a locked car in the pharmacy parking lot while I was still not quite conscious that was a terrifying way to wake up not a doctor or a nurse don't even play one on TV I had to have an emergency c-section as the anesthesiologists were trying to decide if I needed a general local I told them general I did not want to be there somebody cutting my body open and pulling out another human no hard parts when I woke up in recovery the first thing I asked was how big meaning of course how big was the baby the nurse said that they weren't sure yet the scales and niku didn't go that high but they thought around 10 - 11 pounds 11 pounds 10 ounces was the final tally my response husband vasectomy rusty knife I remember hearing laughter as I drifted off again but in that moment I was dead serious went to see a PT who was Melo Don anxiolytics he introduced himself as the Lord's busy and sent me to do his work he then said I'm watching you before proceeding to poke himself in the eyes trying to do the hand gesture he then started crying vividly stating I have seen the face of God and he is crying a massive look of shock and surprise overwhelmed him followed by line crying I must be God before he started yelling help clapping the valley the community MERIS her student and the OT with me started laughing hysterically before he started singing happy birthday to the student not a doc but I was put under for a routine operation a few months back I woke up and remembered talking to my gf while taking pictures of the instruments inside the medical room I work with equipment like it sometimes so I wanted to take some picture for reference I remember taking the pictures I have the pictures on the phone but I was there alone GF was at work when I went back for a checkup the doc could barely hold his laughter in and had a smirk so big I still don't know what I did or said and who was in the room with me not a doctor but when I was getting a completely dislocated shoulder reset I turned to the ER staff and delivered this gem interstella is the best film and it remains the best film of the past decade duck the revenant interstellar swear its ass med student here and I have a really good one it was at the end of a procedure and as the patient is waking up still dazed obviously he just instinctively starts trying to jerk off his flaccid big dick at first the women in the oral thought he was just trying to go to the bathroom but the guys all knew exactly what was going on everyone just kind of tried to look away and stifle their laughter I just remember the medical fellow was teaching me something as I am directly in the line of sight of this doctors nurses and hospital staff of reddit what are your experiences funny Sat horrible with people waking from anesthesia NSFW told to me by my wife confirmed by the nurse I was in bed hospital room waiting for surgery they already gave me meds to calm me but they knocked me out two nurses coming to move me to gurney but they were small and I'm big they can't move me over my wife came over and poked me in the ribs saying you're snoring roll over and I rolled right onto the gurney had a patient in foreign and endoscopy as a matter of course we place a speculum think ball gag but a metal ring instead of a ball in the mouth through which to pass the scope so the patient doesn't bite the scope once they are under we typically place it right at induction of anesthesia this patient had the presence of mind to ask us what the safe word was before he lost consciousness as we placed the speculum one of the rare times the hole or erupted in laughter I once had a patient start totally trashing her sister telling me how she has always been the black sheep of the family is a scumbag and wants to bang her husband she's just going off and sitting in the doorway was the sister the only one there to support her after surgery you could tell it was crushing for her this was probably an hour after the patient left pakku conscious but still pretty whacked-out so I'm an ER tech and we have this regular that comes in all the time she's an old black lady who has a lot of health issues including dementia at this time I'm actually not entirely sure why she was coming in but whatever it was she needed to be intubated so we sedated her put the tube in and did what we needed when everything was finished we called ends to pick her up and take her back home when they arrived the nurse and I went in to prep her to leave the lady is just starting to wake up from sedation sir with the EMTs standing in the room we take out her Foley catheter then she queefs the nurse and I smirk at each other but this is fairly common and not the funny part the funny part is that the noise seemed to surprise her and apparently remind her what was going on because she gasps and then looks over to the EMTs and says in an attempt at a sexy voice you boys either seen a black coochie befo everyone in the room had to take a second to attempt to regain composure but the EMTs ended up having to leave the room and the nurses crouching on the ground trying not to die capital I since I still have the Foley in my hands don't have this freedom and am forced to try to keep my sites from launching into a war bed it's since become a running joke around the ER I had a patient pet an invisible kitty that was named after me the next day was completely with it and was wondering what happened to that kitty a patient woke up from his wisdom tooth removal begging the doctor to let him be David Bowie the doctor actually asked how that was supposed to happen and the answer was that it would be fantastic when my husband woke up from having his wisdom teeth surgically removed his nurse was a rather large lady like 350 plus he looked her head in the eyes and said you are too beautiful to be an heiress you should have been a model why don't you just come home with me and my wife yes he was propositioning a three-way with a 50 year old 350 pound nurse most awkward moment of my life not a hospital stuff that my great-grandfather had surgery one time and I was in the room when he woke up he was a WWII veteran and was convinced that he was in a naught CP o/w camp he recognized me and told me I had to help him escape by killing the guards nurses because he knew I knew how to help people I was 16 obviously a trained Krell er when the nurse came in he was calm and kept motioning with his head at her to me and finally looked at me and said he'll AHA now she always came back with another male nurse after that not a doc or nurse when I got my wisdom teeth out they strapped my arm down for the IV anesthetic apparently before passing out I looked up at the white-haired German dentist and said in my best connery Goldfinger do you expect me to talk the dentist didn't reply but he did tell me after surgery that it was one of the funniest things anyone asked him in a haze my father-in-law was in a car accident that shattered his face several vertebrae and his pelvis this isn't so much a story about what he said but what he did he was in a coma for three weeks and had to be heavily restrained when coming out of it he was a marine in Vietnam he was captured and escaped and he still hated being restrained my wife went to visit home on a Sunday and the doctors told her that tomorrow he was going to be the first patient to use a new $30,000 restraint system that would cause him less discomfort on Monday afternoon she visited again and he was in the same restraints as before my wife asked and the nurse explained that he destroyed it restraint system it lasted less than an hour it wasn't salvageable not the doctor or the nurse I had a lot of ear infections when I was younger and my final time I was about 7 I woke up to the ride where so no TV in the room I hated the Rugrats at the time cue the following conversation me why are the Rugrats on doctor you woke up earlier and said you wanted us to put on the Rugrats we asked why and you said that you hated the Rugrats and wanted to watch it so you could be angry at me why did I want to be angry doctor you said you wanted to be angry because you don't like being so happy all the time edit obligatory Wow one of my most upvoted comments is about my early life angst only behind my five word comment that referenced a trebuchet Ribit works in mysterious ways time went straight from the ER to surgery to put a plate in my badly broken arm so I hadn't been on a war DTC prior to the operation came out of surgery and recovery and was being pushed in a hospital bed to ward we turned into a ward and it was full of elderly people I was in my early twenties I turned to the hospital porter pushing me and shouted sorry we seem to have taken a wrong turn we're in the morgue I was the patient I'd had all four wisdom teeth out at once and I woke up earlier than expected in recovery early enough that they hadn't taken out the wadding at the back of my mouth meant to absorb the blood so I woke up immediately felt like I was choking and panicked I left off the bed and a bunch of nurses came to restrain me still out of it I fought them and definitely gave one of them a good punch before they got me back on the bed I passed out again straight away still feel bad about it poor nurse to the stories one I had a lady in her 70s who drank Martinez and took xanax all day every day so she had such a strong tolerance to the sedation I was giving her that she just totally stopped breathing while still awake I had to say ma'am I'm going to have to bag you now and she mouthed okay and I put the Ambu bag on her face and force breathed for her until she got a respiratory effort back to I was in helping with a heart procedure and the patient went into complete heart block and his heart stopped beating I hop up to the table and start chest compressions while they are hurriedly trying to put in a temporary pacing wire I had a material brush waveform on the monitor so I could see exactly how hard to do the compressions and the man never lost consciousness so I'm doing chest compressions on a dude while he lux white at my face the whole time so it was like press press sorry press press sorry for about two minutes until the pacing wire was in place I shadowed a surgery once with this guy who woke up saying give it to me straight doc will I ever play the piano again all of us were cracking up and he then goes wait I don't know how to play the piano not a doctor a friend was in a car crash pretty bad he was in a coma for two months he had a female doctor for two months until he came out of his coma every time his doctor was checking on he would reach up and grab her breasts guessing he heard her voice when we told him about he did not believe us so he asked her and she confirmed it said she never stopped him because it seemed to keep him calm I'm not a doctor nurse but I heard about this after my wisdom teeth surgery I apparently was still on anesthesia and when they wheeled me out I had both arms stuck out into his making plane noises they asked me what I was doing and I told them I was becoming my final form of a plane still do not know why I was doing it my first memory when waking up from shoulder surgery was a somewhat panicked nurse rummaging through the blankets at the bottom of my bed repeatedly muttering where are his legs where are his legs I always cross my legs when I said lay down and apparently I must have done this as I was initially coming off the anesthesia it freaked me out for a second but then I processed what was going on the nurse seemed relieved when I mumbled there right here and nearly kicked her in the face when I extended my legs three times the first time when I was five tonsil surgery my family is from Norway and my grandmother always kept a pewter model of a longboat on her mantle just to explain why a five-year-old would wake up screaming get me back to the longboat and then apparently to quote my mother go all into Blair on the doctor's when they came in to try to give me antibiotics that was nearly 25 years ago and my family still likes to joke about me managing to shriek my head off and throw punches after having just come out of throat surgery by age 13 I'd tamed down some and apparently only muttered and Grilli at everyone while waking up age 26 all the fight had gone out of me and I just cried whenever a nurse asked me a question how is your pain not bad I'm so sorry don't be sorry can you sit up for me uncontrollable sobbing okay then let's get you some apple juice fully disconsolate edit because I can't count I was working in the pediatric ER answer dating a skater kid 14 or 15 we are talking more a wannabe suburban kid rather than a punk keine kid that obviously joined the frat in college his mom is there in the room as he starts waking up once we had his wrist set and in the cast his mom is typical well-to-do suburban mom who spends lots of time at Yoga and PTA meetings that is not trashy at all and family was likely from a well-to-do part of town my buddy who is fairly hairy on his arm ztc reached across his upper chest to grab an IV line kid was half-asleep raised his head up with his eyes still closed and licked my buddies on with this exaggerated link like it was and ice cream cone kid flops his head back onto the pillow and his mom just looks mortified in the 2-3 seconds that passed before he slurs out man I sure do love to lick some [ __ ] his mom immediately turned bright red and walked out of the room and we all busted out laughing except the guy who got licked the ER doc was this young petite girl and she said she peed herself a little she was laughing so hard for months we would give that guy lick motions in the air when we passed him in the hall and putting Rolling Stone stickers on his locker et Cie I still give him crap about that from time to time my favorite is to catch him chatting or something standing at the desk until in over and sniff his forearm and ask if he has been fishing not a doctor or nurse when my sister was 16 she had back surgery to repair a ruptured disc in her lower back apparently the meds that they gave her before she was put under gave her low enough inhibitions that instead of counting backward from ten she started belting out the lyrics to Roxanne the or staff later told my mom that not only were they amazed that someone that young knew the lyrics that the way that she started singing was one of the funniest things they had seen in an all I'm not the medical professional in this story my husband had emergency surgery a few years ago and when he woke up he was just different I can't explain it he recognized who I was but his personality was completely different in the way he spoke to me was completely different it's sort of like in movies where people wake up in someone else's body it freaked me the duck act 36 hours later it was like he just woke up and was himself again the weird part is he had no memory of the past 36 hours he remembers being sick and he remembers the emergency room but after that nothing a lot of people came to visit him in that time period - a bunch of family and everyone from the office and he has no memory of any of them the only thing I can think is that whatever medication that was used in the anesthesia that gorked him finally worked its way out of his system I woke up from knee surgery and demanded a vodka and coke with no ice also for some reason I when I woke up I was freezing cold and shivering one of the nurses hooked me up to some eita which blew warm air under the covers from the bottom of the bed I then likened myself to Marilyn Monroe I'm a six feet two athletic guy God told the story when I was 8 I got a knee surgery while on anesthesia the travel between my hospital room and the or I tough I was in a Formula One car so I would make all the noise telling people to faster make the sound of the tars - the guys told my mom it was the funniest transfer they ever had everybody was laughing including people in the hallway the only thing I could think of as the patient was that I surprised a lot of nurses with how quickly I shook off the anesthetic I would be walking around an hour later and getting changed ready to go home they just looked unfounded I was coming around from surgery and the nurse who was looking after me had a crush on a guy I dated when I first started nursing several years before it was rather surreal to go from deep deep sleep to talking about an ex-boyfriend I had hardly thought about in years I almost feel it was an abuse of her power I could have said anything coming out you don't expect to be interrogated about a past relationship the first thing waking up from major surgery in the end I found out some gossip the relationship didn't last long and apparently he was hurt that I wasn't devastated when we broke up in that I started dating someone new within a few weeks slightly different in that it wasn't in us fascia but rather sedative meds I worked in a hospital years ago and once had a patient who had an extreme paradoxical reaction opposite of what is expected to her ambien she went off the rails she started hallucinating that she was in a hostage situation with a man who was killing babies one nurse went in in the middle of the night while doing her rounds and the patient attacks her with a folded wire hanger and severely beat her in the face and head the nurse ended up with multiple broken bones in her face blacked both eyes and a number of deep wounds on her face she was gone for a while on workman's comp it eventually quit stating the experience had traumatized her and she didn't want to be in the building again don't know whatever happened to the patient but I doubt she would have been punished or charged since she was not in her right state of mind and nobody expected such a reaction to the medicine was the patient in this one when I was 12 I had heart surgery and was getting wheeled down to the operating room I was completely transfixed on my knee when I then asked a nurse if I could pet the kitty she said sure so I started petting and scratching my knee going aaww good kitty kitty when I woke up from that surgery I spent about five days in anesthetic hell like a medically induced coma but not quite as severe and cast out every nurse that asked me how I was doing I was intubated so I had to scratch out my hatred onto scrap paper and hope they could translate it when I was off of the cocktail they were giving me I was back to my cheerful self and felt mortified about calling the pretty nurses working the IQ ward at Children's Hospital a bunch of stupid hunts apparently it happens all the time but I still cringe when I think about it my brother had knee surgery done and at the time was running his own business and was stressed out when he was coming off the anaesthesia he was trying to get out of bed and demanding to let him go because he had to get back to work it took three nurses to hold him down to convince him to stay in bed the sad and funny thing is he remembered the whole thing but he said it was like he felt he couldn't stop himself needless to say he was really embarrassed the rest of his hospital stay I'd like to seize this chance to say sorry to that poor guy who was around when I woke up first thing I said was I gotta puke and I did so generously while he helped me suffer through this then I looked at him and said what's your name I don't know what he answered because he reminded me of a friend of my sister so I told him well you look more like a Tobias to me he laughed and said that I look like a Hugo to him there my does he mind then thought it was nice to say so does your mom then I laughed and puked again I fell asleep soon after and another nurse was there when they brought me back to my room so I never got the chance to apologize while it's a good story I still feel a little embarrassed can just hope that guy has seen worse I work on a floor full of patients post-surgery one of my favorite patient comments was someone fresh from the PACU post-anesthesia care unit who looked straight at me and said you put a bag on my whiner didn't you referring to his catheter his mom and I were in stitches it made a surgery that went longer and worse than expected a little bit happier woke up from a two-hour reconstructive surgery on my ear they had removed most of the skin between my ear and my head opened it like a door and built me a new eardrum as soon as I woke up I had to clean so I started walking around the warden my assless gown trailing an IV and looking for stuff to throw away nurse was not amused but I refused to stop cleaning she gave me a piece of paper and told me to throw this away then go back to bed I agreed also what's with everyone being put under for wisdom teeth removal I had my knee yanked then I drove home 15 minutes later edit Jesus I feel lucky my wisdom teeth came through doctors of Reddit what made you say how are you still alive patient stabbed himself in the neck with a thermometer that pierced his trachea missed all the important arteries carotid vertebral just hit some minor nerves good guy patient provided his own temperature reads until they remove the thermometer might adds a doctor so I asked him someone walked in the front door with the kitchen knife sticking out between his eyes to the handle the knife went through his sinus cavity and ended with the tip in his throat millimeters from his brain stem he goes into surgery and walks out of the iku the next day my dad says he is the luckiest man he ever saw blood alcohol of 0.73 zero too much blood in their alcohol system I had a guy with a bowie knife sticking out of his chest the knife was pulsating I could literally count his pulse from across the room sounds like the knife was preventing blood loss then yep a lot of the time you don't want to pull the knife or bullet or shrapnel out of someone because it's integral to keeping them alive hemoglobin of 35 3.5 in a 35 year old guy with a chronic rectal bleed irrefutable want anyone looking at his bum hole finally brought to the ER by ambulance when he fainted acha started dying in a grocery store guy had an argument with his girlfriend wanted to leave the apartment instead of taking the door was real angry and jumped off the balcony fell down 40 feet directly on his heels on cement he ended up having an ankle sprain I wondered how he managed previous issues in his life guy comes in with a bit of chest pain tells me the big coronary artery on the front of the heart was 100% blocked I tell him who told you that he says his doctor did about ten years ago I don't believe him since patients never ever get any of the stuff their doctor tells them right I let the cardiac surgeon know what this guy said and he too goes out of 100% so he's dead if the biggest coronary artery is totally occluded in for ten years no less you are a dead man lo and behold we get an angiogram and it was ducting 100% occluded the artery on the back of the heart made a connection with the front of the heart to pick up the slack it was some lucky sheet I used to work as a clerk in diagnostic imaging at a hospital and we had a man come in for an x-ray complaining of chest pain his reports showed his last visit was two years prior when he got drunk and fell into a fish tank breaking it er stitched him up and sent him home fast forward two years and we are all gathered around the computer screen looking at an x-ray that showed a 12 inch long piece of fish tank glass sitting in his chest with his aorta resting right on top of it it was on an angle running from his left shoulder down towards his right hip there were other shards of glass too but this one was the biggest emergency surgery happened right away edit to help clarify this happened in Canada edit I obviously didn't pick up correct info from the conversations that day rain the whole tempered-glass situation sorry simply meeting someone who was 110 years old working as a phlebotomist I've been slapped by a patient old enough to remember a good chunk of WWI I wasn't even that mad it was like getting hit by history had a patient come in confused and delirious because his kidneys were shutting down he had multiple myeloma at the history of colon cancer plus a bunch of other things he was jaundiced and needed to be shocked several times the physicians residence and even the family thought he was going to die the man insisted on full measures to keep him alive he recovered in the span of five days his kidneys improved his delirium evaporated and the man docking walked out of the ico then there was the guy who had to be castrated but that's another story about twenty years ago I had a patient come in with obstruction of his colon by a large colon cancer the cancer had spread to his liver and CT scan showed the liver basically replaced by metastatic tumor so he wouldn't buy on intestinal obstruction I won't go into detail but trust me it is a very unpleasant way to die the patient his family and I decided to try placing an expandable metal stent through the tumor it worked his obstruction was relieved and he was able to go home to spend his last days with his family eighteen months later the patient came in for an office visit for heartburn he was even more jaundiced than when I first met him but he felt basically well and was eating well the stent was still functioning I never saw him again and assumed he finally succumbed to his disease but he got at least 18 months of precious and really good time not a doctor but been a paramedic 15 years had an eight-year-old kid on a RipStik similar to a skateboard lose control and roll into the path of an oncoming SUV in his neighborhood he was hit by then run over by it we arrived to find him facedown under the vehicle unconscious barely breathing after all was said or done he had bilateral femur fractures one lower leg fracture multiple rib fractures a blown pupil and open skull fracture subdural brain bleed attention pneumo air escaping lungs into the chest cavity will squish the lungs and heart if untreated and when we were bagging him breathing for him we felt subcutaneous emphysema free air that crackles like rice krispies bubble wrap in his hip yes hip we flew him to the Children's Hospital expecting him to die within the hour he was in a coma for days and had to have multiple surgeries but made a complete recovery 100% neurologically intact as well and graduates high school in the spring his was such an amazing case the hospital made him one of their miracle kids of the year parents please make your kids wear helmets even in the neighborhood it wouldn't have prevented all of his injuries but would have substantially lessened the brain trauma he suffered they got his age wrong in this Yale to be not a doctor but encountered a woman that was shot blank in the head by her boyfriend bullet entered one of her rice sockets and exited above her a deer on the same side she called 911 on her own and survived was in naiku for weeks and testified against the bastard who is now thankfully in prison crazy how one person can get shot in the head and survive while another cats rip on the sidewalk and hit their head in just the right way nurse here 50 year old male came to the ER after falling and not being able to get up his testicles were so engorge they came down to his knees with the width 1.5 X greater than his thigh pen15 was completely retracted into his scrotum at a CT scan that showed his entire large intestine most of his small intestine and his pancreas had herniated into his scrotum you could also call tater his bowel sounds through his gonads the surgeon said she had never seen anything like this and that it takes months to get that way and only happens in third-world countries with poor no access to medical care she couldn't do much because his diaphragm had become so accustomed to the altered space in his abdomen that if she put his organs back in his abdominal cavity he wouldn't be able to breathe independently would need to be ventilated permanently the poor guy had mental health issues I believe schizophrenia which is why he was in the condition he was in he was still able to pee all by himself as a very junior doctor I looked after the smegger alcoholic who needed a sities fluid in the abdomen caused by liver failure tapping out every month or so he kept coming in a worse and worse shade of yellow green jaundice needing more and more fluid removed still merrily drinking all the while well the obvious happened he died now he dead so I wonder onto the ward a few weeks later to find him sitting there in bed Green as you like looking very alive turned out his was his twin also an alcoholic also not to live much longer pathologist here had a guy who had died suddenly and unexpectedly I soon learned he was the recipient of a lung transplant about 15 years prior when I opened the man up his transplanted lung was upside down I flipped the lung into the proper position and blew it flipped right backed and upside down that was quite alarming the surgeons who originally performed the transplant incorrectly attached the organ when he by chance entered the correct position the lung flipped over causing his pulmonary artery to seal shut resulting in his death the man lived for 15 years with the lung that was dying to flip upside-down and it was only by sheer chance he didn't move in such a way that allowed it to do so until the fateful day of his death it is one of the most fascinating cases I have ever witnessed I have thought that after seeing some CT scans of lungs and severe COPD it's like there is no normal lung tissue just huge air pockets it is hard to see how they exchange oxygen and carbon dioxide at all currently nursing a 65 year old woman with severe COPD ventolin corticosteroids and oxygen still smoking frightens the heck out of me I threw my cigarettes away and hope my lungs can repair some what a huge wake-up call also not a doctor but my very elderly great-great uncle just had a sextuple heart bypass had four prior heart attacks how he was still functioning somewhat normally before his last heart attack I honestly don't know had a gentleman in his late fifties come in with multiple myeloma short history of progressively worsening breathlessness turned out he had a pulmonary embolism blood clot in his lungs he was a good candidate for surgery so he had a blood clot removed but unfortunately the clot had caused such bad issues with his heart acute right heart failure that he couldn't be weaned off the bypass machine instead he went to on ECMO like a circuit for your heart and lungs outside the body to give your heart lungs time to rest his chest was still open cannulated centrally but covered up with sterile stuff after three days he was booked to be weaned off the ECMO or at least have the tubes put in peripherally so his chest could be closed morning of the procedure while he's waiting to be moved somehow the tubing of the ECMO machine broke oxygenate a tube and blood spilled all over the floor and he went into cardiac arrest the cardiothoracics consultant had to do internal cardiac massage basically cpr on the heart by squeezing it virus still open chest until the circuit got fixed and he returned to a normal circulation he ended up going Doty and having his chest closed but he had more clots pulled out of his pulmonary arteries clots had recurred at this point I thought this guy was utterly duct I figured if he even lived long enough to be woken up he'd have some degree of icy McBrain injury after about two weeks the guy left aku and a week later went to rehabilitation speaking walking cognitively largely intact it was one of the most unbelievable things I've ever seen during my short career not a doctor but a few years ago I was called into the hospital to go see my friend unexpectedly once there the doctors told me my friend should be dead if not in a coma what had happened was that day might have had a beer fest on the Main Street $20 all you could drink we all part up but I was sober at the time so I just enjoyed watching my friends get ripped fast forward to later that afternoon where all my friends had moved on to a friend's house but now hard alcohol was involved I went home to by this point because I wasn't in the party mood my good friend hit it hard though he was gone three sheets to the wind this stuff is as he ended up taking another friend's motto scooter out for a joyride ended up wrecking it mercy damn hard onto his head when I showed up at the hospital there were bloody racks everywhere he was conscious and a big smile went across his sheet faced mug when I walked in then he tried to escape pulling IVs and wires off him but I stopped him he blow a point three five a few hours after the accident he was a pretty heavy drinker tolerance saved him doctors told me they were in shock he wasn't in a coma or dead needless to say it humbled him out pretty well medic not a doctor but my first week or so on the job we picked up the town regular nurse didn't even need me to say anything but let me see his admission record if there was one visit the line I probably would have been at least 10-15 pages multiple stabbings shootings beatings drug and itö problems out Thea's he was set on fire twice and hit by two or three cars at highway speed he was just unkillable edit there I punctuated properly are you happy now is this what you want exclamation point not a doctor but I'm a nurse and my story is good too I had a college student come into the unit on the night of their 19th birthday they wanted to party but had a test the next morning one of their friends told them that if they took one of their all for every drink that they had they'd be sober by the morning they had 15 shots and 15 20 milligrams and they're all tablets if you were wondering no that does not make you sober it does however make you rip off all your clothes in the hallway spit at the nurse that is trying to help you cheat all over everything and then literally ducking died luckily for them they weren't dead for good we got them back and they spend most of their sophomore year of college in a hospital with a hole in their neck learning how to walk again not a doctor but I work in cardiology and my doctors all do rotations at our hospital our hospital is a level five trauma and it's the closest hospital to a lot of rural area so a lot of traumas that happen way out in the middle of nowhere end up at that Hospital this guy came in having been in a car accident he was covered in road rash and his chest was more or less torn open apparently as we all later learned he'd been drinking and riding passenger in his friends car he wanted out of the car his friend said no so the sky once again very drunk decided to try and jump out of the car window he somewhat succeeded but his shirt caught on the side view mirror and he got dragged until the driver stopped flipping out enough to come to his senses and stop not a doctor I met a guy the other night who got hit by a jet ski it broke his femur crushed his shoulder and split his head he was floating in the ocean for a while and said that after 30 minutes when he finally got into the ambulance they took one look at him and said he didn't have much of a chance of making it to even the hospital because of the blood I'm happy to say that he's alive and well and after several surgeries is walking I'm an ER nurse had a guy walk up to the front desk after hitting himself in the throat with a chainsaw all the flesh of his neck was flayed open I could see his trachea and his right jugular vein if he had cut in just a tiny bit deeper he would have sliced right into both the only thing that saved him was that he was a big fat guy with a huge neck a skinnier man would have died very unpleasantly saw a guy with a machete lodged up into his skull asked him if he was okay not sarcastically just through a generic question to check his ability to respond he said yup not a doctor my grandfather had a heart attack he went in for a simple stent in his heart hours go by and we hear code blue over the intercom doctor comes out to tell us his left ventricle has an inch and half tear in it they had to transport him to another hospital as sad he died three times that night and went through 11 pints of blood the surgeon successfully repaired the torn ventricle they woke him up on my birthday and he sang me happy birthday three weeks in cardiac Aiki my grandfather walked out the surgeon told us for a man of 75 years to have lived through a left ventricle tear is unheard of the doctor wrote a journal on him as well he's still alive today he even got his hip replaced a year after not a doctor or anything but my grandmother has had seven strokes I couldn't help but laugh at the seventh one she said aaww sheet I'm having another stroke she said this during a phone call abruptly she's a very tough lady she runs a garden man deep serene vegetables paramedic here so many but two come to mind responded till wellbeing check basically check on someone no one has heard from in a while get there and police advise the woman is dead and appeared to be so for a while middle of summer can smell her before getting close to house put on protective gear and air packs to move the body she is rotting maggots and flies can seal guns we go to carefully move her into body back and she opens her eyes and gasps she was alive and rotting alive we got her to the hospital alive and she lived for several days more second was a suicide shotgun to the face he held it under chin but it slipped and he blew off front of face except one eye he was awakened tried to talk but obviously couldn't we ended up sedating and enter baiting but he lived and walked out of hospital after tons of reconstructive surgery I was in school to be a paramedic and I was doing my externship in an ER a guy came in happily complaining about a sore on his belly that wouldn't heal he was really Pleasant and didn't seem to be in much pain when he lifted his shirt we could see his liver my story is from a guy in the town I used to live in guy was working with an acetylene torch and passed out and show what precipitated it falling down on it while it was still operating burned a huge hole in his abdomen serious injuries had a patient who was stabbed multiple times he was apparently leader of some gang and they thought he was a conspiring against them by the time we got him into the table he was cold lifeless no pulse hours passed and we were sure he was gone shockingly his dog jumped up on the table and he immediately gasped for air never seen anything like it that snow was special paramedic not doctor had a patient who used a circular saw that snapped and a fragment broke off and penetrated the side of his neck scan at hospital showed it came ridiculously close to a main artery [Music] you

Channel: Storytime With Reddit

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Keywords: reddit, askreddit, top posts, r/askreddit, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, askreddit top posts, ask reddit, subreddit, reddit stories, funny reddit, best reddit posts, best of reddit, askreddit new, askreddit stories, reddit story, story, stories, askreddit funny, reddit best, funny posts, funny, funny askreddit, r/, sub, people, toadfilms, emkay, updoot, memes, funny stories, cowbelly, doctor, nurse, anesthesia, dentist, hospital, medical, med school, patients, treatment, rehab, mesothelioma

Id: WcEi8-OVFXg

Length: 58min 9sec (3489 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 20 2019