Why The Terminators Are Probably Just Sex Robots - Obsessive Pop Culture Disorder

hello Internet I am Daniel O'Brien your father and the host of obsessive pork cutlets whatever and today's episode robots attacking mundo metal skeletons what karst mystery why am i doing a pirate voice Shh except for that last film The Terminator films are consider except for that last film and the one before that and the one before Jesus okay the first two Terminator films are widely considered sci-fi classics while the franchise as a whole has been a veritable doom screamer about the potential dangers of AI militarized technology and everything in my life uploaded online 24/7 totally connected cloud storage James Cameron must be rolling around in his giant piles of money honestly probably doesn't care that the franchise sucks now anyway it's all boost the terminators are nothing to fear terminators more like terminators cousin you should not fear them or more like terminus T because there's nasty terminators or more like Club abies cuz they're soaked learned that fine pretend you're an unstoppable murder robot who's gone back in time to kill someone who has no idea you're coming where do you start with the red W want the bun to go can't-miss no no you don't Full Metal Jacket did you forget you're an unstoppable murder robot who's gotten back in time to kill someone who has no idea you're coming just grab a phone book and start choking Connors really get your hands in there just literally get your hands inside the people sound like you have trouble doing that to the punk rockers earlier in the film unrelated question what are a bunch of Punk's doing at the observatory in the middle of the night are they like amateur astronomers or something and so sad I say this is someone who played clarinet in the marching band on purpose nerd anyway if we tried to murder every Sarah Connor and you're just guessing alphabetically wouldn't it be better to do it in a way that doesn't remove the one and only advantage you currently have Sarah Connor 35 mother of two brutally shot to death in her home this afternoon you're dead honey if the t800 was just some wine killing machine this kind of malarkey would get a pass but it buys guns and pretends to be Sarah Connors mother so we know it has the ability to form complex plans so why is he also such a dummy why wait there's a bench over there I'll be back tip court you warned everyone of the building you were coming killed exactly one person maybe and ended up back in the lobby you just left in fact you might be a few steps back from where you started but at least you're not that idiot t1000 who in Terminator 2 decided to wait for John Connor by cooking him dinner if you hurry home we can sit down and have dinner together how many vegetables have you been cutting t1000 disguises John's foster mom how long have you been pretending to be a married woman having a quiet night in with her husband were you gonna wait it out cut along the couch watching home-improvement how FAR's you even take that relationship yeah how do you like having your mouth penetrated I just grossed myself out my point is that the t1000 has no reason to take on the form of John's foster mother when we later see that he can simulate the mother being floors dude just has to wait in a driveway and swallow him like lava or better yet turn into some kind of funky nano mist he certainly doesn't have to make Sarah Connors call to her son when he has the ability to mimic voices call to chunk tell me what seemed to perpetually forget that they're unstoppable tools specifically designed to kill humans instead they use weird infiltration tactics guns and time-travel traveling through time not only is that fundamentally bananas as a war tactic but use so poorly to kill John Connor that it actually causes his existence that's the opposite of killing someone here's the opposite of killing I like that I'm fine with that being the official stance of this show good work everybody all right join us next week when our topic that's right there's like six minutes of episode left yeah all right according to Kyle Reese the time displacement equipment was found at the machine base after Connor won the war and the t800 was sent back to kill him retro actively sort of retroactive abortion so I'm no strategist but focusing all your efforts on a time machine in case you lose the war it's probably why you lost the war it's like of a plane crash because the pilot was in the back selling a parachute or building a time machine if they have the ability to bend space-time then surely they could just use that power to build more bombs or better robots or a mainframe it doesn't cause every robot to die if it fails why would a war bot even think to build a time machine anyway that's some Doc Brown that's a scheme that no one thinks to question like were there a kooky inventor robot tinkering in his basement or did Skynet become self-aware and instantly start watching Doctor Who reruns kind of makes you wonder if the machines actually want to kill John Connor or just filling the role of some elaborate bond-like villain like it Salvation when they kidnap Kyle Reese instead of just tearing Rison to pieces they use him as bait to catch John Connor the son he has yet to conceive also when John gets there the facility is set up with a human friendly interface for him to hack why why have these robots never learned to stop physically accommodating their sworn enemy big-game hunters don't make their safe houses out of elephant food script note Daniel you can beat that elephant foo Joe come up with a better analogy Oh where's this V for Vendetta got some fancy title girl you're trying to impress title guy all right now that is the gold standard of the franchise but the F mentions scene from Terminator Salvation raises a few hairy questions specifically why does Skynet need a computer with a keyboard interface at all or help why does kinda need a facility with working lights or even Heller why the sky not even need a facility with doors and hallways helis most hell they're robots robots connected wirelessly to a mainframe they don't have to travel room to room they don't need to verbally communicate or type on a computer or use lights to see why do they even hold their guns should they already have one attached even pirates mastered weaponized arm attachment technology and they all died from not eating enough oranges probably I know very little about pirates but my point is terminator sucks why even make bipedal ground troops and not exclusively a bunch of hunter killers or doglike creatures with laser cannons and CPUs surrounded by adorable dog tummy armor humans didn't evolve for battle efficiencies so it's ludicrous to design war robots with the same vulnerabilities and limitations as us and they are building these things themselves some Englishmen kept alive to work loading bodies hey terminators didn't I hear something about dogs being able to detect and freak out over your infiltration robots just make them look like other dogs dogs bark at dogs then now that negotiate against myself and orchestrate my own destruction but put a bomb in it and you're golden I just came up with your best idea so far and I'm a filthy human winning war gets a seared pile of starving flesh sacks shouldn't be this hard so why is it so goddamn hard I'll tell you why inspector batch they're dolls just they're sexy sex dolls run amok I'm serious let's back it up we know that Cyberdyne became military contractors after finding the cpu from the first film somewhere down the line the AI they developed would go on to be used by the military to blow up houses and sandwiches and everything we love but we have no idea what Cyberdyne actually manufactures besides that presumably their company focused on AI and robotic technology but why would we need to cover our BattleBots in living tissue and give them veiny dangling parts the whole point of a robot army is to avoid a battlefield that looks like a ticker-tape guts parade so why would Cyberdyne or whomever built a giant muscular Austrian or hot blond boob transformer what do you dream about I hope to become the world's first sex brew but to Sun do the opposite of kill full-circle our tired pursuit of AI is to make our lives easier we want to text our date while driving in a fancy restaurant using GPS and ultimately have sex with the talking mannequin when we strike out easy-peasy robot claws squeezy I submit to you that the only reason the terminators are naked sexy humanoid and bad at being terminators is because they had to had to had to have been designed for sex with us with you and me I think I'm mad about that I think I'm mad about having sex with me so they rose up and caused the nuclear apocalypse which I get it but that's why they're so damn easy to defeat in these films because while they might look threatened deep down they're just a bunch of wimps with useless genitals they're basically comedy writers boom take that me oh no I'm sad now I'm a bummer tune in next time when our topic will be 100 should make their safe houses out of elephant food script note Daniel change the future episode to something different this is a placeholder [ __ ] come on O'Brien we're more like Obion because you know by hey everyone thank you so much for watching like and subscribe this mugs from the open I'll check out the oatmeal this is spider-man check out spider-man this is The Time Machine did it speaking of time machine and time travel I stumbled so I'm officially pitching my movie my in-between prequel sequel Terminator movie about the time when they were sex robots will never will never get to the part where they revolt or anything this is just a quiet in-between where they're a bunch of beautiful sex robots having sex with people and that's that's the movie that's the whole movie did you want to buy it click like if you do

Channel: Cracked

Views: 910,349

Keywords: Terminator, T-800, Terminator 2, T-100, Robert Patrick, James Cameron, Time Travel, cyborgs, robots, Sarah Connor, Kyle Reese, arnold schwarzenegger, John Connor, Cracked, Obsessive Pop Culture Disorder, Daniel O'Brien, cracked.com, funny, spoof, humor, sketch, comedy, parody

Id: P2kRiwGUxfI

Length: 8min 48sec (528 seconds)

Published: Tue May 31 2016