Doctors, what was the best excuse you have heard for having something stuck in their a**?

like and subscribe right now or else this will be in your bed tonight our /oscar edit by planet reddit doctors what was the best excuse I've heard for someone having something stuck in FIBA Hind guy told me he was constipated so he stuck the broom handle up there to break up the Pope I almost believed him edit it was half of a broom handle cut off and wrapped in electrical tape all the way inside his behind I'd believe that people are stupid I would believe that one because severe constipation is absolute hell yup if you had a stool burden building for a few months you will do lots of stuff to finally pass that loaf I am a nurse a male as well guy came to my hospital with a cue ball stuck in his rectum said him and his wife were having sex and this happened made no excuses and showed no show a doc was unable to remove it with forceps and he had to get anesthesia to have a minor surgical procedure to get it out my job was basically to just go through a pre surgical checklist and send him on his way when I am done he shouts excitedly all right let's get this ball rolling I almost died laughing it was near the end of my shift and I always wonder what happened to him I'm sure he did fine and his back to having amazing kinky sex with his wife all right let's get this ball rolling this guy has hero material can you imagine how long he sat in the hospital chatting just waiting to use that line at its utmost opportune time edit spelling who can blame him it is prettier in great Lamia presented her in Sydney with carrot stuck in the arse doctor what happened patient I heard a noise in the garden went to investigate slipped and fell over carrot went up my bum doctor carrots grow upside down out your way huh well Australia is the danunder where women glow and men plunder edit WTF my 1:00 a.m. comment is now my most updated comment ever lol but didn't expect that can you hear can you hear the Thunder it always boils down to the person accidentally sat on it the best my dad saw a former emergency doctor was a young guy who accidentally sat on a giant tub of Vaseline accidentally I asked how doctors record that in their patient files and the common way to do so is to say the patient claims to have sat on X object edit my dad thrilled that his story has touched so many of you this guy doctors tridge RN what brings you to the ER today PT earache exam room same patient RN what brings you to the ER today PT I think my donkey gave me herpes proceeds to drop pants if the lid was off on the Vasiliy I might have slipped out itself I took a walk outside and something just flew into my behind sir we are still going to call ASPCA on you the great blue heron is a protected species you slash that one writing person the great blue heron is a protected species me and Red Dead Redemption to Hannah rifle go pew pew same with the Bison smiles shamefully there was a news story in my country a man went to the ER and they discovered that he drunkenly put two hammerheads in his behind his reasoning being that he ate a jar of preserved cherries with pits and then had abdominal pain and wanted to smash the pits it took me a few seconds to realize you didn't mean tiny sharks saying that I feel like a shark could have done a better job of breaking them down there and actually hammer the fact that he genuinely had a banana peel made me laugh more than the entirety of this thread so I actually once did fall naked in my bedroom and my behind cheek smashed hard onto the end off a small dumbbell that was angles up at 45 degrees I'm coming to realize after reading all of this that had it hit the bull's eye no one would a buckin believe me brunt dude brings the fire I've run across his comments a few times and they're always colors you could do a full stand-up routine from his comment history I kid you not going in dry with a super hard object like that so quickly would have done you very serious damage but they would believe you saw someone with a remote control stuck way up in there : she said she was getting herself ready for anal sex with her boyfriend and then it got stuck the kicker was that she showed up to the hospital with her boyfriend and her husband in tow I am really curious as to how that conversation went she wasn't my patient I was via and got to see the Magnificent x-ray I bet the tech was still like whoa hold up we can't speculate on what this mean my sister is a surgical nurse and a guy came into the hospital with a pool noodle shoved up his behind it was so deep that they had to cut open his abdomen intestines and colon to cut the foam out of him he said he fell on it while swimming nude but when they cut him open and had a condom stretched over the end of it when they confronted him he said please don't tell me wife edit well thank you everyone for the up votes and awards this is my sister's favorite or story to tell she tells about all the things she's seen after she's had a few drinks but this one is the best one makes for a great tale no that would have been fine the problem is he only had 20% of the pool noodle flopping around behind him like a tail Jesus how the hell did shove it up that far a nurse I tried to take something out of my behind with a barbecue skewer skewer got stuck whipped a hole in his intestines he waited so long to come in he was set once tattle visited on Ike who stay later please don't call my mom guy was trippin hard on LSD was there something a weasel if so username checks out hard you know I didn't even think to ask him what he was trying so desperately to dig out clever comment though then what is the origin of your username the best one I've heard is a priest who had peeled a potato and left it on the side for his dinner either decided to hang the curtains back up while nude and fell off the stepladder onto it it was in the UK paper years ago if I find it I'll post the source found the source victor hospitalized with potato up his bow why'd they have to do him like that I think he did himself like that fell down some stairs and someone left a dildo on the bottom this made my day my ex is a nurse one night she sent me a pic off a computer on what she was working on 16 yo male brought in by his mother shoved the sausage up his behind and lost it imagine the embarrassment of telling more hey mom I lost a sausage in my brine can you take me to the air [ __ ] kids I think I just let it kill me a fat was the outcome taking the sausage to the grave if you will believe it or not my German friend also had a sausage stuck up his behind once he actually didn't care about people finding out about it I asked him why not and he just said nah it's fine what's the worst that can happen I'm not finding the link here not an excuse but a medic told me that they have contests about what is the most unexpected thing they pulled out of butts the winner was a guy that put an electric Christmas decoration the ones you wrap around the tree in her own words the legend doesn't say whether he plugged it or not I should have asked what the excuse was for that one checking list bla bla bla yep I can see that bla food can cat food can what pal cat food can worked on ambulances not a doctor mostly bottles or vegetables the aubergine was the biggest but potatoes and carrots seem to be popular ketchup Mayo and glass Cola bottles were common at one point also one butt plug and a toilet brush the last two were honest and very distraught others all had naked gardening stories there's an even worse question you haven't asked which is for things people have shoved up their urethras only men in my experience a light bulb you could always tell when someone came into the ER with something lodged in their rectum because everyone would be standing around looking at the x-ray it was still in perfect lightbulb shape I have no idea how the patient got it up there without breaking it I'll tell you what there Bobbo either the kids got a light bulb up his butt or his colon got a great idea semicolon dr. Cox ha I just looked this up and it was a real scrubs quote I'll honestly tell you that scrubs really does a good job of portraying hospital life a doctor acquaintance once said scrubs was the most realistic medical show in terms of how hospitals ran though maybe not all the personal drama worked where the next paramedic who told me a guy was cleaning his son's room while nude because his only set of clothes were in to wash while his son was at school who slipped on a sock and ended up getting Buzz Lightyear stuck up his behind I asked the important question of course where the wings extended he didn't answer but we both rocked with laughter I laughed way too hard over this comment good job not an behind but a me I was doing my clinical rotation in third year did a cervical back investment on 36w pregnant woman who thought she was in labor painful cramping plus plus discharge I found eight gloves of garlic she thought she could avoid Group B Strep with it she read it online she thought they would dissolve one you can to avoid GBS like this too they turned to slim Amish bulbs they don't dissolve she was not in labor she was responding to an infection a nasty one she was admitted for fluence object removal meds and monitoring of fetus for treatment overnight I finished my 24h shift before the next herb wrapped arm cramping stopped very soon after we got it allowed last I saw her she was just feeling sad and down I felt really awful for her she was trying to do the right thing for her pregnancy GBS gut bacteria found in one spoke three of adults at any time some cow tries screen for its presence because in rare cases it does nasty things to baby if they get colonized at birth I had a patient who was trying to treat bacterial vaginosis with garlic cloves you have a special knowledge of how thankful I was she made a little cheese cloth pouch for it first all came out in one gloriously funky Chuck garbage had to go out immediately my brother was at richness and examined someone that came in with a Barbie doll up their arse don't know if they were male or female though there was a guy who would often come to my friends of for Barbie head removals he had several Barbies he kept in his jacket held in place by loopholes he had sewn him they always knew how many heads to look for by how many heads were missing from the Barbies in his coat the uck did I just read right it's not my story but the friend who told me about it is an excellent Ennis with no reason to lie to me we were trading a stories one day when she brought it up if I remember correctly that pretty much ended the conversation my mom was a nurse and always remembered the guy whose wife was out of town so he was cooking naked and slipped and fell on a potato join our community discord link in description I once had to take a guide to the old to remove the cucumber from his rectum since it had migrated up further than could be extracted manually I don't remember his excuse but it had been and there for more than a week and when we took it out it had started to pickle I am pickle shy i riot I've got this one not a doctor but fridge guy comes in walking kind of awkwardly doesn't take a seat when it's his turn he's called up to triggered again refuses to sit what brings you in today I said I I've lost her glass you know like a tumbler shuffles okay so why are you here well we had a party that got out of hand last night I was cleaning the house this morning and I noticed one of my drinks glasses was missing and I think it might be up my behind that's it as far as explanation but sure enough there it was on x-ray rim side first so after it disappeared off his er it basically filled itself with [ __ ] I went to med school in the deep south burly middle-aged Southern gentleman showed up an EE D chief complaint rectal pain after a full history and physical examination couldn't ascertain the case of his pain other than him saying feels like something's up there we decided to start with some x-rays before we obtained them he says all right I'm gonna be square with you I was walking down the street minding my own business when these thugs jumped me out of nowhere and held me down and stuck a cucumber up my butt please II got to get it out I immediately went to get my attending one surgical consultant GI consult later a cucumber wrapped in a condom was extracted from this man's rectum hope they caught the cucumber bandits I was walking down the street minding my own business when these thugs jumped me out of nowhere and held me down and stuck a cucumber up my butt s MH look how far America has fallen we have gangs of thugs going around putting cucumbers in people's ass for though I laughed so hard at this comment had this elderly guy come in with a cucumber up there first month of residency so my attending asks why did you put that up there dead normal says well it was just like every Tuesday I woke up made some coffee and sat on a cucumber stifling laughter my attending just said so you shouldn't do that anymore he says okay we removed it and never saw him again my friend is a nurse she told me about a guy who came into her er he claimed to have fallen out of a tree and a branch went right up his behind they x-rayed him and he had this perfectly round wooden rod up his behind when they removed it they saw that it was sanded painted and primed that branch must have come from a genetically modified species of tree lol Jesus Christ how many people just stick random [ __ ] up there behind Edit apparently the answer is quite a lot of people do this a whole lot of sexually frustrated kinky people caught up in the moment of getting their rocks off without actually considering the potential consequences resulting in having to go to the affor extraction is my guess it wasn't an excuse and it wasn't a federal I met a young lady in Riverside TX very heavy meth presence was dared to stick a live catfish in her V she shoved it in headfirst those who know catfish know they have very sharp dorsal fins well the dorsal fins lodged in the walls of her V and became stuck she came into the screaming and pain with a live cat fish flopping all willy-nilly out of her privates I wish I still had a copy of that x-ray welp my V has packed its bags and no puke out of this thread I worked on a surgical ward for a while and we had a few strange items I can't tell you what their excuse was because we saw them host operatively one guy stuck not one not two but three snooker balls up his bum one guy stuck a clay pigeon up his bum that one was pretty impressive one guy 92 euro tried to fish out a vibrator with a coat hanger and my personal favorite a guy stuck an old Nokia 3310 his bomb they x-rayed him and took him to theatre they kept trying to fish it out but he kept getting phone calls from his mum wondering where he was every time she rang the phone would vibrate further up his bowel remember how back in the day you could get those crappy $2 ringtones where it wouldn't sing the lyrics that it would bust to the words and music guess what his ringtone was Will Smith's get him jiggy with it thank you and good night not a doctor but I don't know that I'll have a chance to share this again growing up there was an urban legend about a local bloke that had to have a butternut pumpkin squash removed from his ass fast-forward 25 years and I'm reading the book written by my dad's liver specialist and lo and behold it wasn't a legend in fact an entire chapter was dedicated to gentlemen with foreign objects needing removal from arson to bladder 20 years ago an ex wasn't a nurse a guy came in with a magic mushroom air freshener stuck up in there he was embarrassed and did not even attempt to explain it she said that when the doctor got it out he said funny it doesn't smell pine fresh and everybody laughed I am kind of surprised that didn't lead to lawsuits taking the doctor to court would have involved explaining to the judge what happened yes your honor after the doctor put his medical degree to use by getting elbow deep in me like Jim Henson working Kermit he made a joke and it made me sad trying to reduce prolapsed hemorrhoids we developed after a long arduous book doctor term of course I wondered how a vegetable peeler was the most available object to be had in the bathroom the vegetable peeler became stuck as these things tend to do this was the kind with slits in the plastic and his formally prolapsed hemorrhoid tissue protruded into the slits making it impossible to remove also cutting off blood supply which made them necrotic by the time we went to the or what kills me is that his next move to try to remove this object from his anus was to try to cut IT out with scissors oMG it was horrible a jagged piece of plastic wedged in horrifying hands indeed quite memorable a glass water bottle in his behind and he's desperately trying to find an excuse not one would really ask her at that point actually he finally said I don't remember who put it there couldn't you just fell from some stairs or something one-in-a-million shot doc I swear friend is a stomach surgeon so always gets called in to pull things out of asses he has loads of stories but the one I remember is a guy who had a glass ketchup bottle up his ass he'd claimed to have returned home with his grocery shopping realized he'd lost his keys so put shopping down and attempted to climb through a high window he slipped fell backwards ass first onto his groceries and SHL um the ketchup bottle just shot up his a-hole ignore that guy was presumably not making the time after removing it at the hospital my doctor friend said that strange the ketchup you bought is only half full I think the worst thing is that it suggests he was gonna read the rest of it another time had a patient who showed up with his soon-to-be ex-wife they were reconciling at a nearby motel she convinced him that if he loved her he would let her put a dildo in his behind only it wasn't a dildo it was her vibrator without a flat base rule number one of anal play is make sure that it has a flared base rule number two is nothing sharp the whole thing went up there and he couldn't get it out I had to take it out under anaesthesia she felt awful and was crying the whole time he was a very blue-collar normal dude and she was dressed in very fancy clothes an unlikely match in my mind he was just happy that they were at my urban hospital and not the uppity town about 15 miles away where they lived often wonder what became of them in their marriage why are you asking you okay there buddy yeah I'm fine just curious had a guy with a screwdriver up there handle first he was honest said the wife wanted to try something new why the screwdriver something shaped like a D would have been gay I always thought that was a real weird place to draw that line without reading any other comments I will say that the overwhelming excuse my medical student room maids and myself who are all now doctors trained in Philadelphia have heard is I fell on it that's it nothing else I once saw dude with two dildos in his behind because he fell on the first one and tried to get it out with the second one Phylis draw there was a woman who came into the ER with four plastic horses in her bum she's listed in stable condition it wasn't me I swear it was my girlfriend testing if anal is pleasuring form an edit thank you all for my first-ever 100 200 and 300 up votes thanks for watching subscribe for 3 videos a day [Music]

Channel: Ask Planet

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Id: IF1KWrkgraY

Length: 22min 22sec (1342 seconds)

Published: Sat Jun 20 2020