What Is The Most Bada$$ Escape You've Ever Made? (r/AskReddit)

what was the most badass escape you've ever made I'll start nsw one of my greatest college moments was a lucky escape I was having a really crappy day and was waiting for the city bus after a rough day of classes I just wanted to get home get my buzz on and gain a little bit I was waiting for the bus on a one-way street before the bus got there an SUV with three frat guys had pulled up and they had their window down and were making fun some guy at the bus stop it's been eight years maybe so I can't remember exactly what they were saying to him but I think he was foreign possibly an exchange student but they were blowing this guy a whole lot of crap as I mentioned I was already having a bad day and these guys caught me at the wrong time or something but I'm not confrontational and I've never been in a fight in my life but at this moment I was heated so the light turns green and the guy riding shotgun is hanging out the window and talking crap as they drive away in a moment of blind rage I picked up their nearest thing to me which ended up being a half drank Starbucks coffee from that morning or something and sidon this thing right of this car and wouldn't you know it it was a direct hit on this guy as they are driving away at some point the lid came off the coffee I'm not sure if it was before it hits him or afterwards but this cold coffee ended up splashing all inside the moving vehicle as they were turning left through this light I can only hope it sprayed the other diaochan bags and there as well if it was CS it would have been a heck of an aid sauce everyone else waiting for the bus cheered me the car kept going and hung another left I could tell and I assumed was going to circle the block and come back after me I was like well frickin it's on now hopefully someone at this bus stop gets my back but let's do this just then not one but two city buses pull up at the exact same time two different routes this happened occasionally it was pretty rare from my experience he's waiting there but that day my luck had finally changed I hop on the one that will take me home and make my escape as we pull away I look out the window and see the car I had hit driving frantically and following the other bus that was going a different direction I can only hope that they followed that thing for every stop it had waiting for me to get off and wasted another couple hours of their time it was truly one of the greatest moments of my life one night we had firecrackers a lot of firecrackers around 4:00 a.m. we decide to go to the local elementary school and light them off we're going crazy having so much fun with it when my friend remarks you know this kind of sounds like were shooting guns at that moment a police cruiser pulls into the parking lot he flashes his lights once we all belt we start running through the field and over fences I look over the fence and noticed that there were three cop cars stopped they seem to be talking to each other the two of them leave with lights flashing and two officers get out of the other one and start bolting towards us we run fast we figure the cops will head towards the road so we run parallel hopping fences until we can go away from it at one point the cops were gaining so we split up one cop followed each group I headed towards a large park suddenly I hear growling the biggest freaking dog ever it's looking at me it's angry I freeze up and the cop catches up to me he's coming towards me when I say dude no there is a pitbull right there and it is not happy I'll come with you just don't make any sudden movements we begin to back away slowly the cop motions meet Awards a gate I go first and he stands guard as soon as I'm out that gate I bolt again I felt bad if the cop was not going to catch me there was no way he could move fast enough to not pee off that dog I got away the cop was really mad I could hear him lumbering around while I hid in some trees swearing around 15 minutes later he finds out that some of my friends are cornered and goes to help them out one friend got caught and charged with a misdemeanor he ratted no one out good times back when I was 19 I went to Disney with my family I am the youngest of four children and all of my siblings and their souls were of age sir my brothers and sister decide to take me to downtown one night and the hopes I can party with em one of my brothers pulled a sneekly it under the table when now waiter at some restaurant was checking ages it worked though I don't think we fooled him I think he just gave me a break Here I am 19 in downtown Disney with the will to drink as much as I want in this particular bar so naturally we start hammering car bombs I am plastered within the hour and my siblings and I end up at this club with a revolving dancefloor my sister-in-law decided that she did not want to drink anymore so she took off her bracelet and hacked it onto my wrist which worked and I was getting served at the revolving floor club next thing I know I am dancing with the hottest girl in the place I am a bit of a nerd so this is pretty new to me at the time we are dancing away I have a drink in my hand when I feel this strong grasp on my shoulder disney police may have been a security guard I have no idea to this day I was trashed my hacked bracelet had fallen off and this guy is asking for my it I tell him I don't have it on me and he said I had to go with him to the Disney police station I don't know where this came from but the following words came out of my mouth led the way the cop guard took my words too seriously and led the way I immediately did a 180 while ripping off my hat and shirt I had an undershirt on and stuffed them in my pants for a quick disguise you know that song where everyone gets in a line and the singer is going to the left to the left right step now well that song is playing in the whole club is dancing and tuned to the while I am moving my way through the crowd on a revolving floor while a crap-ton of security guards police officers are looking for me this goes on for a couple minutes before one of my brothers finally finds me and helps me to a side exit I told him to hold on and I merge back into the line dance to score the hot girls number I escaped with the number and seven years later her and I are still together my uncle was on the 91st floor of the South WTC tower felt and saw her plane freaking crash into the North Tower he and the two people he was with got the heck out of there as fast as they could he was about half a block away when the second plane hit I'd say that's probably better than any escape I've personally experienced so I was at a college football game visiting my sibling as a teenager I was drinking quite a bit since this was a college that had excellent tailgating also I had brought a bag of weed with me I don't know why I brought a bag of weed with me besides the fact that I was smoking with friends before tailgating anyways my sister was able to find me a student it so that I could sit with her and my friends who attended the same College in the student section after drinking quite a bit I stumbled to the entrance to the stadium and sat in line to get in at the front of the line the security was searching people for hidden flasks because the stadium sold beer and clearly the college wanted to make money my as the drunk eunjin I was forgot about the weed in my pocket the security unfortunately found it so there I was caught by security being dragged up to the police table the cop at the table called for a squad car to come pick me up at that time I felt like a trapped animal sweat and anxiety rushing over me the security guy on orders from the cop pushed me over to the street to wait for the squad car however the street was so packed that the squad car would most likely be a couple of minutes as we stood next to the barricades a recent mother was attempting to push her stroller through the divide hi in my drunk mind decided this was it I leaned back against the hand of the security guard to make room for the mother and he luckily responded to my movement by also moving back as soon as she made it through the barricade I jumped the divide and ran faster than I had ever run I sprinted through the crowd weaving between other drunk fans hearing their remarks as I passed knowing that the security guard was behind me but losing distance I made it through the first rough patch ripped off my sweatshirt and continued I slowed as the alcohol began to take its toll on my endurance but was cheered on by a couple of drunk guys who yelled you can do better than that encouraged I picked up speed rounded a corner and dove between some parked cars waiting to see if the security guard had made the distance Lockley he did not after a couple of minutes I stood up shaking like heck and walked across the street off campus I then proceeded to violently throw up what seemed like the past couple days of food behind an apartment building backed when I was in high school I was dating this girl we'd go back to her house after school and have some fun together quite often the house is a two-story house with a door to the front driveway down in the basement hangout area and a front door about five feet to the side and five feet higher middle of the two floors away from the basement door but down in the basement having fun and her mom comes home well actually there's a window and we see her shadow walk by a crap TECO's so I scrambled to get ready while her mom is fumbling with the keys to the house I put my hand on the basement doorknob and wait wait for her mom to start opening the front door the doors are visible to each other and both make a lot of noise I had to time this perfectly I time it and perfectly opened the basement door as the front door opens her mom is opening the door and walking in and doesn't notice the other door open as I exit I then closed it when she closed it I had behind her car in the driveway for about five minutes and then came back up to the front door as if I was just arriving I have that memory burned into the back of my mind it was executed perfectly I knew a Catholic priest who had escaped the invasion of Poland during World War two according to his story the Nazis had prepared her boats and had told the priests and followers of the area that they could voluntarily flee the country on that boat his instinct told him it was a trap so he stayed back and later watched as the boats sailed away and exploded in the distance all was set on fire I don't remember he knew it was only a matter of time until he was persecuted and somehow through the chaos he grouped up with a photographer fella who knew of a group planning an escape at nightfall so they threw themselves into a pit of dead bodies plain dead until it was dark and so made their escape my escape wasn't really bad us just bad back in high school I was casually seeing this girl who lived with her ridiculously overprotective dad he demanded that she was not to date let alone sleep with any boys until she was 18 she was 16 at the time this wasn't much other problem as my parents were cool so she would come over to my house and tell her dad she was going somewhere else anyway he goes away one weekend on a fishing trip so we decided to take advantage of this opportunity and spend Saturday night at her house we had just begun our adventures when her dad returns home a day early bad weather or something and starts heading for the her room where we are both naked so I panic quickly grab my clothes and think to attempt an ambitious Superman leap out of her window followed by a commando roll on the grass below only problem was I didn't realize that her window was shut my head shatters the glass and I get stuck halfway trying to free myself I do a 180 with the glass digging into my stomach and back making scars I have to this very day my back was up against the window frame and I try and wiggle my way out of the glassy death trap headfirst her dad then opens the door to the sight of my legs flailing about trying to free myself my balls flapping against my thighs and my erection pointing for the sky which somehow hadn't faded despite all the blood loss I managed to free myself get dressed and run home before mum took me to the hospital I tore my ACL and meniscus in high school and with my freshly ruined knee and a full leg immobilizer went to the craziest party of my life I got wrecked and decided to stumble home but unknowingly exited the house via a side door not the front door this side door had two additional steps that I was totally unprepared for basically I ate crap down the steps and my drunk ass ended up facedown in the yard well because my leg was locked straight from my hip to my ankle and because I was OD high and drunk off my mug I couldn't get up I dragged myself through the yard to a low-hanging tree branch and hoisted myself standing as soon as I got vertical I was blasted with the cops car mounted spotlight thingie all young man party's over stay where you are I gave them my most practiced hardened dgaf face and took off running down the street I hopped three fences and ran just over two miles with an incredibly engine II freaking thing has never been the same since and never will fully heal but I'll be goddamned if I'm not remembered as white lightnin forevermore last night my girlfriend's mom walked in on us literally five seconds after we put our pants back on good thing I don't last for more than like 30 seconds otherwise that would have been a disaster so was an 18 year old college student I rely on my handy fake kid to buy liquor for myself and my friends the usual store is a Ralph's located conveniently close to campus I'll admit that I always get a bit nervous buying at a new store but I had purchased at Ralph's a few times and so this night was unremarkable as usual I smiled Amelie at the guard in the liquor aisle picked up a handle of tequila and headed towards the register where I was shunted away from the young stoner cashaaron towards a severe-looking far older latina lady when asked to present my it I did so without hesitation as both time and experience has proved it to be credible both to the eye into scanning and black lights being the older distrustful Clark in a college town she went to go scan it taking unusually long when she returned she informed me that she knew it was a fake and I had one chance to take it and go without question I am not usually overwhelmingly ballsy nor do I usually use the phrase Yolo but I refuse to simply leave I demanded she scan it again and asked for the manager she looked utterly skeptical but called over a manager and once again they retreated to scan mired together this time I was informed by the manager to simply take my card and go now at this point I was in too deep the people behind me had been very understanding up until now and I could not stand the thought of being escorted out of the most commonly-used store in my college town in front of so many people so I went for broke I demanded to see the card being scanned exasperated the manager led me over and showed me that under the blacklight the California State SEALs were not shining he proceeded to pull out his own and showed me how his were repeated three times brightly across the length of his eight but here was my chance I asked him when he had gotten his license last renewed to which he replied I don't know a long time ago I guess I informed him that on the newest design of ID's the seals were far fainter than they had previously been at obs and then quite frankly the most stupid moment of my life I asked the police officer standing next asked to verify that in fact the new licenses had fainter Holograms and that MyID was real and remarkably incredibly he did he looked it over and told the manager it was legitimate and to stop giving me such a hard time I was escorted back to the register manager apologizing he gave me a $5 discount at the end of my stint as a used bookstore Lackey at one of the worst stores in the world I realized that I had been drawing dongs in books with a sharpie for months with no repercussions turns out right when I quit a goddamn Evelynn shop customers started coming in complaining about finding magic marker dongs and their reading material freshman year of college me and four friends used to always talk about stealing parking gates around campus cars used to drive through them during the day knocking them down so there was always one or two lying around for the taking of course being freshmen this was mostly talk that didn't amount to much one night however when we all had drank enough liquid courage we decided that that was the night we would actually get them so we get all dressed in black and head up the door only to find that the campus authorities had already replaced all the broken ones from earlier in the day did we quit and go home nope we started breaking the dang things off feeling the rush off at first parking gate we all get jazzed up for some more and throw the gate into some bushes to pick up later we just start running buck wild around campus knocking these things down and hiding them in the bushes being very drunk it takes us a while to realize that nearly every corner we turn there seems to be police officers and it takes even longer to realize that they seem to be after us at this point we scatter and everywhere writer name passing police officers I even talked to one at one point who asks if I've seen a group of kids knocking down parking gates why heavens no officer I have not somehow none of them seriously turned their attention on me or any of my scattered comrades one by one we all need backup behind the Student Center to gauge the situation we look around and realize that despite being chased by the police we all took the time to go back to the bushes and retrieve the parking gates we have four of these bad boys amongst the five of us turning back home there is one more police car between us and freedom and our fifth and final parking gate we had knocked down swear to God we pulled some cartoon crap and casually walked past the police car about 40 yards away with the parking gates perpendicular to our bodies and they didn't notice we grabbed the last parking gate and run through some bushes to make it to the back entrance to our dorm that's not the end though the next morning we hear from some of the other kids on our floor that were participating in a large hack on the dome in the center of campus and we were all over the police scanners they used to monitor the hacks apparently they didn't need to worry about anything that night because all of campus police were focused on five idiots knocking down traffic gates and they also heard that they were extremely close to nabbing us several times but couldn't seem to catch us to this day I have no idea how we escaped a part of me assumes they must have felt some sort of pity for five drunken buffoons zigzagging across campus carrying ten-foot parking gates around you have been visited by the be humble be stay humble and believe in yourself if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check out another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 37,368

Rating: 4.9216647 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, TZ reddit, rslash, comedy, fresh, best escape, escape, escape stories, got away, crazy escape, near caught

Id: xdLtT_vqU3M

Length: 19min 22sec (1162 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 11 2019