What's Your Biggest "This Isn't What It Looks Like" Moment?

what's your biggest this isn't what it looks like moment i work as a manager at a grocery store some cashiers aren't old enough to scan alcohol so i have to do it for them i made a comment to a female cashier after the fourth time she called me over i can't wait until you're 19. took me a few seconds to realize what i said in front of customers my dad's not me working construction in the dead of winter he gets back to the motel after pulling the night shift he sits down on the bed and he is so frozen can't bend down to take off his boots so his co-worker who is a gigantic man gets down on his knees to undo my dad's boots the cleaning lady barges in to see a massive man on his knees and head down in front of another man who's sitting on the edge of a bed now my father did what anyone would do through his hands behind his head and moaned real loud when my brother was young he was playing with the vacuum and covered himself with those suction circles he had a physical later that day and looked like he was covered in hickeys it's okay doctor my pet octopus just gets a little affectionate my friend and i got super high in high school and were laying on the floor of my computer room listening to i feel like dying by lil wayne when i say super high i mean it felt comparable to a mild trip from when i eventually did acid and shrooms in later years we hear the garage door start to go up and go into an all-out panic there would be no way to fool anyone that we weren't high we come up with the brilliant idea to take off our uniform pants catholic school and jump into my bunk beds and pretend we are sleeping my mom makes her way upstairs and casually opens the door i immediately dart up and say hi mom we are just taking a nap she smiles nods and closes the door years later i find out that my mom thought we were experimenting with each other not drugs she apparently called my uncle who is gay immediately after leaving the room and asked if he thought i was gay pretty funny stuff that my family brings up repeatedly to this day once i told my mom we were high it made a lot more sense to her once i told my mom we were high it made a lot more sense to her oh i see they're only gay when they're high i was getting ready to take a shower my bedroom has its own bathroom shower and i was already naked in my bedroom simply waiting for the water to get hot well my dog was also in my bedroom because he always hangs out there i was eating m ms just lying on my bed naked during this time and dropped an m m onto the ground and it rolled under my bed being very anxious about what my dog eats especially chocolate i quickly got onto my knees on the ground and went to reach under the bed for the m m it rolled kinda far so i was doing that thing where you are stretching your arm out as much as you can under the bed and just barely touching whatever it is you're trying to get without knocking it farther away well my golden retriever saw the position i was in and walked over and mounted me literally at that moment my mom opens the door to my bedroom and sees me butt naked bent on my knees with my dog mounted behind me i mean talk about the doggy style position i had a lot of explaining to do it felt like an american pie situation the girl i was dating during sophomore year of college and i were both organ majors preparing for an upcoming duet during the summer it was so warm in the church where we practiced no air conditioning and the organ installed up high in the rear where it was extra hot that she and i played in our underwear with just a small fan to move the air we were shocked when we heard the locked door open and saw the pastor enter the church he glanced at us playing the organ in next to nothing but quickly left and locked the door behind him later he told me at first he did a double take but then realized we were doing the smart thing and that in his seminary days he would have done likewise not me but friends they wear newlyweds two different nation artilleries common language wasn't perfect yet there were some growing pains confusion about each other's cultural background they had just adopted a puppy wife tells husband that neutering the dog would be a good idea he agrees later the same day she takes the pup for a walk he does his business and she notices that the dog's pee gets on his fur so she decides to trim said fur just for the husband to walk down the stair mid-haircut or better fall down the stairs screaming he thought she didn't want to wait for the vet it's been over 10 years they are still happily married and we are still laughing about that story my boyfriend and i were jumping on the trampoline together years ago just bouncing around like a couple of kids laughing our butts off it was fun he accidentally butt dialed his parents who speak a phone now laughing creaking springs and gasping to a car load of people they were all mortified we were able to set it straight later badoof sorry mom and dad sure oh the trampoline playing the long games here see mom i told you i even posted about it on reddit we were playing a game of hide and seek in the dark at a youth group at my church it was 7 30 p.m and dark outside all the kids had inside the church while i waited outside for a minute or so i had on all black so i could be sneaky i figured i'd start by looking through some of the windows to see if i could spot one of the kids meanwhile an old couple walks by for an evening night stroll with their dog and sees me a black guy wearing all black looking in the window of a church with all of the lights off i started yelling i'm going to find you in hopes they would figure out with playing a game i lost it at the last line hit a deer took it home to butcher it out because heck it just made us dip into our grocery budget to fix a car halfway through processing this deer we realize we have nothing to store the meat in i go in and do what i'm nearly certain as a thorough cleaning up then i'm off to the store collect large black trash bags electrical tape because i was there and needed it for a cord cellophane and numerous different sizes of zipper bags now here i am at checkout dumping my collection as the gent behind me says are you all right you're bleeding i look down seeing blood i missed but smile and off-road it's not mine cue everyone to look at my selection do not say that cops do show up come on dexter you're better than that i was sleeping and i was having a dream where this lady had a nice butt i said nice butt in my dream apparently my stepsister was in the room for some reason and i said nice butt out loud i woke up dumbfounded to my step-brother saying you like her butt a family we were close to had just moved to the u.s from india they had a young daughter like five years old who was still learning english one day she fell down the stairs while playing outside she ran in crying and saying the stairs hit me once she calmed down her dad corrected her and said no no you mean to say i fell down the stairs a few days later my dad was showing them the grocery store in the checkout line the cashier saw the girls bruised up legs and asked what happened the daughter responded with what did you tell me to say dad oh right i fell down the stairs he had a fun time explaining that to the police i used to take my kids to different playgrounds as they were growing up often times i'd be out there with them chasing them being the random monster dragon antagonist while they run away and then eventually turn around and chase me back inevitably since the rest of the parents were on their iphones or doing anything but interacting with their kids i'd end up with a collection who wanted to join in the fun it was all going well until they said they wanted to play minecraft so as a group of kids suddenly scatter from where i am standing yelling ah run away from the creeper i look up to see a line of parents suddenly jostled back into consciousness with absolutely no friggin context whatsoever [Music] this isn't what it sounds like i was a weird person in high school and my friends were equally weird we had no boundaries my friend and i were walking to class and were discussing the jackass clip where they had a gas mask and tube assembly where one person wore the mask and the other farted into the tube we thought this sounded like a pretty cool idea and were considering trying this out as we walked around the corner i said to him i'll suck yours if you'd suck mine the hot girl conveniently rounding the corner at that precise moment i don't think the explanation would have saved this situation no no no we weren't going to blow each other we were just talking about inhaling each other's farts my wife and i used to hide money in her underwear drawl so our kids won't be digging through it because they think it's gross one morning i was getting dressed and wanted to get some money before i forget so i was digging through her underwear when my five-year-old son saw me he asked what i was doing and naturally i can't tell him that i needed money so i had to say something like that i was cleaning things up pretty sure he didn't believe me and thought i was looking for a pair to wear bro it's okay you don't have to keep the lie alive on reddit it's 2018 you put them pretty little panties on my wife got spiked one night out got a call from her to get her and her mate went into town to find her lying in a gutter so i had to drag a limp body into the back of my car with people looking on like time kidnapping my wife while her mate staggered around a fair few dodgy looks i got still a bit of puking and some sleep helped bloody love that girl not so much the dongs with pills that makes me uncomfortable that people saw you dragging a limp body and did not say anything living with my roommate and i had put washing in the machine the night before when i got home from work i remembered the washing open up the machine and grabbed an item of clothing and smelt it to see if it had that eye dried on my own so fk you smell but as i did it i saw my roommate staring at me in shock apparently he had thrown some of his stuff in with mine including his underwear the underwear i was sniffing he moved out shortly after back in high school i was a photographer at a summer camp one time at the end of a day as kids were being picked up by their parents one girl saw me and said to her mother mom that's the man who took pictures of me that mother spun around so fast fortunately when she instantly realized i was the camp photographer we both exchanged an awkward nervous smile and laugh [ __ ] boy when i heard that girl say that my heart skipped a beat talk about awkward my new neighbor told me about a house fire in his old neighborhood it was full and he and his family were roasting marshmallows in their fireplace when they heard the fire truck siren they ran outside and saw the emergency vehicles a few houses down in front of their neighbor's house they ran down the street toward the crowd as they stood with the crowd watching the house burn they were getting nasty looks it was then he realized they were still holding the roasting sticks with marshmallows on them you jethro suggests my neighbor may have lied about the origin of this story it's certainly possible whether it involves my neighbor or not it's still a good story i worked at a game stop one christmas as a seasonal employee this was when the gba was current i literally had a gba and some cartridges zipped up in my coat pocket leaving on my first day they informed me they need to do a pocket check to make sure i didn't steal anything so i have to dump out this handful of loose cartridges that actually were mine my brother and i got into a fist fight he was right i was wrong and he punched me in the mouth i was bleeding pretty good and kept spitting blood on him for some reason he went into the condo vacation and my mom freaked out because he had blood all over him it went a little like this mom omg you're covered in blood brother calm down it isn't my blood mom omfg whose blood is i.t what did you do brother mom it's fine it's just tyler's me blood mom omfg did you freaking kill him where is tyler i walked in shortly after alive and well the dispute between my brother and i was settled btw when i was 16 i was freaking my girlfriend there was just the two of us in my house we were doing it on a chair in the spare room where the pc was suddenly my 13-year old sister came through the front door and ran upstairs shouting my name my gf leapt up off of me and i dubbed towards the door to stop my sister running in the room she thought i was alone and wanking over p on pc my gf was mortified so even though it wasn't what it looked like i had to pretend it was good man my mom hooks rugs basically a form of art where you pull strips of wool through burlap to create a pattern picture which can then be used as a rug or tapestry she playfully referred to herself as a rage to her friends in kindergarten my teacher gave us a project where we talked about what jobs our parents did i cheerfully told the entire class and teacher that my mom was a h the principal called my mom in for a meeting where she had to explain to the administration that she did not sleep with people for money i wanted white hair just thought it would be cool i went on bleaching mission like you wouldn't believe finally got a hairdresser to sell me some highly concentrated crap friend of mine comes over as i'm about to start this disaster and decides to help she starts combing the mix through my hair even though it's belched to death already the ringlets start flinging crap all over the bathroom and her shirt so she take that off bleach mix end up all over her chest while i'm in the shower rinsing by head off she comes budging cause her tiara on fire post shower drying off in the living room and that's when her sister walks in as but naked wet laughing a bit and for all intents and purposes looking like we just got done boning not me directly but feel this story is relevant we'd just moved into a new house my older sister who was about five at a time was refusing to get in the bath and my mum was throwing the classic you wait until your father gets home after a lot more yelling and mum struggling we hear dad pull up in the driveway my sister was so worked up about getting in trouble from dad she ran straight out of the house completely naked to dad's car screaming repetitively no daddy no amd continued to run around the front yard screaming well our new neighbors across the street heard her screaming and when they saw her running around the yard naked rushed over to rescue her and started yelling at dad to stay away my poor dad had no idea what was going on and mum came out and explained what was actually happening that family became lifelong friends of ours turned out they had a daughter two days older than me we are still best friends and our families have adopted each other as second families the neighbor that rescued my sister even emceed my sister's wedding and told that story the story even still comes up at bbq's despite happening 30 odd years ago 12 year old me is in the school gym about to participate in an exam to learn my green belt in karate it was around this time that my eyesight was deteriorating but a couple of months before i would end up with glasses sometimes in order to see things more clearly i would put my fingers to the corners of my eyes and stretch them narrowing the focus enough for me to make out details on the blackboard or whatever so i arrive along with some friends and we're just wandering around waiting for things to get started when i look up to see the silhouette of a man standing on a balcony that overlooked the main hall it is then that i remember that we had invited the founder of the organization to attend who had come all the way from japan and was touring around europe this imperious looking shadowy figure looks like he might fit the bill but i'm not certain as he's far away and rather blurry so i step forwards crane my neck upwards and press my fingers to the corners of my eyes falling asleep on the living room couch while watching hbo in the 90s parents came into the room and couldn't tell that i had fallen asleep but they could tell that lesbian pee was now on tv it looked like i was happily and unflinchingly watching pee in the middle of my parents house i was having a wank one time when my girlfriend suddenly opened the door now she doesn't care that i watch pee and jerk off but my instinct when the door suddenly opens is to close the pee and put my dong away unfortunately i closed the p more quickly than i could get my dong back in my pants and behind it was another video that i'd started watching earlier so she walks in sees me with my heart dong in my hand and a video of a guy juggling playing in front of me raises her eyebrows says right oh and walks back out got curious about a neat looking gun i saw in a movie decided to look it up online my mom saw the firearms forum on my screen and immediately assumed i was planning a school shooting despite me having a loving support network of friends family and having no signs of severe mental illness my mother is massively anti-gun if you couldn't already tell i was in class and bored so i started scribbling furiously on the underside of my desk with my pen in my own little daydream i then snapped out of it looked up and the whole class is looking at me like i was jerking off i was in a parked car in the lot of our local baseball stadium it was family day and there was lots of tailgating and games for the kids i was breastfeeding my infant daughter in the driver's seat i had put a baby blanket in the window to block the sun from her face two boys about 10 12 walked past my car and tried to look into the window i heard them yelling to their dad from outside my blanket-covered window that i was doing drugs in the car i have no idea what made them think that their dad a cop came over and beat on the window demanding that i open up my husband who is also a cop came running over after seeing this big dude beating on our car meanwhile i had unlatched the baby covered myself and rolled down the window the first cop dad was so embarrassed and the kids were shouting i was upset the baby was squalling with interrupted meal rage and my hubs was yelling at everyone then stadium security showed up good times in college i legitimately had a very persistent hitch on my groin area that had bugged me the entire day when i got home i sat down to try and check it out it was just an irritated spot from me shaving my roommate got home early that day and walked in on me with my pants down and dong out while days of our lives was on tv early on when my husband and i were first just hooking up we were pretty casual his job took him out of town four weeks at a time and we weren't exclusive crap happened and i ended up between places for a few weeks and stayed at his apartment with my dog my dog also had a skin condition going on at the time and he would always sleep with me especially when my soul wasn't in town so he would leave little skin scabs on the sheet super gross when my soap came back to town i'd always reassure him how i made sure to wash the sheets before he came home it was a few hitches in before he pointed out how that sounded to him like i was bringing dudes to his place to bang or something lol so my family is a bit weird my sister was a teen mother and my mom had a late surprise pregnancy at 41. my brother is actually younger than his niece by two years when he was just a baby he picked up a toy truck and clocked my niece with it giving her a black eye the next day at preschool the teacher asked my niece what happened she nonchalantly replied my uncle hit me when my sister arrived to pick her up the teacher was waiting and asked her about it she was very relieved to meet the uncle in question my toddler baby brother and realize he wasn't a grown man [Music] i wanted to know how bombs worked what is an explosion so i googled how to make bombs dad wasn't happy when he went to check his email my dad didn't get an email about it he went to check his email and when he clicked the search bar in google to type hotmail it went how to make bombs in the previously searched list when i was a kid 16 year old my family would have me take my older siblings children to the grocery store being 16 and having a toddler around the grocery store was wildly uncomfortable from where's the baby is mother to bless your heart you're just a kid this isn't what it looks like mind your own business and yes grandma i saw you giving me the stink eye two guys i knew at a high school graduation party families and crap in attendance went to the bathroom rail out some blow when they stepped out the homeowner aka the graduating kid's dad was waiting to use the restroom and was looking at them and said something along the lines of you doing some gay crap in my house one of the guys in their infinite wisdom responds no we weren't doing anything like that we were doing blow prompted them getting kicked out of the house i 44 m once ended up in the grocery store checkout line with a cucumber a bottle of wine and a jar of vaseline i didn't really consider what it must have looked like until the 16 year old young lady cashier asked if i had a big night planned this actually happened yesterday sue whooper uncomfortable moreover this isn't what it sounds like but our professor was asking us what we thought as children when our parents thought when he said this it sparked a specific memory of my dad drunk probably slightly buzzed but i was really little so i took my older wiser sister's word and was extremely worried that my dad was going to beat my mom he obviously didn't and has never and will never hurt my mom but for some reason this memory popped in my mind even though they weren't even fighting so my teacher calls on me and asks what was your what if moment when your parents fought and i was taken by surprise so i answered with the first thing that popped in my mind which was i what if my dad hits my mom i don't think he nor my classmates expected such a morbid answer bc he gave me a quick weird look but before i could justify what i said he asked someone else and they had some vanilla innocent what if i caused the fight answer and i just felt a whole lot of shame and worry that my classmates now think my dad beats my mom lol to make matters worse a few minutes later he was like let's take a break that was some pretty heavy stuff talking about family can be surprisingly emotional he's never given us a break mid lecture before look that's his own fault these kind of things do happen and he should be well aware of that he's specifically asking about fights too when i walked in on my then fancy freaking some other guy i got home early from work they were naked in bed together and first instinct was to tell me not what it looks like and when i obviously didn't buy it she went with you aren't supposed to be home yet instead of murder the both of them on the spot i walked away and you aren't supposed to be freaking until after i come home if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 131,375

Rating: 4.9582071 out of 5

Keywords: this isn't what it looks like, this isnt what, this isnt what it looks like, confusion, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: wo2eYb7_ta0

Length: 24min 36sec (1476 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 21 2020