What's The Worst Thing Someone Did In Your House?

what's the worst thing a houseguest has done in your home he said he had to go to the bathroom after 20 minutes I decided to go see if he was okay he found him on my mother's computer watching pee and jerking it I honestly don't know what kind of insatiable horniness would have to come over you to not be able to hold off until later must have been some crazy hormonal little kid I'm guessing bought one of those birthday cakes at the grocery store for my wife's upcoming birthday that is packaged in one of those boxes with the little see-through plastic window friend eats all the cake outside the viewing area of that window so that when I open the box there is only a little square left bastard I'm sorry that is absolutely horrid but the sheer conniving genius of that is hilarious so this happened around two years ago a roommates friend stayed over on our futon after a night out my other roommate and I had never met her until the next morning I was studying in the kitchen when she came in and asked for a dish towel I thought that was kind of weird but I handed her one soon after she left that was the only interaction I had with her we started noticing a really awful smell throughout the house it smelled like Satan's butthole I went to the bathroom to investigate the toilet was full of crappy water it took several attempts and lots of gagging to unclog it we cleaned the bathroom thoroughly and thought that would be the end of it this was just the tip of the [ __ ] bug the crap smell lingered over the next few days we didn't know what to make of it one night after a couple drinks we sat down on the futon on top of the blankets we kept there with Cool Runnings and some chips and salsa a few minutes into the movie we started getting with so the smell they became stronger and stronger we pulled back the blankets and recorded in horror at the sight of the perpetrator this chick almost certainly died read chunk Lee might I add all up on our futon and not only that she covered it up and didn't say a word we were pretty happy to find the culprit but also horrified by the events that transpired TL DR found diarrhea in futon three days after houseguest left warm runnings my father-in-law is unfortunately in battle who happened to stay at my home once my so and I cooked dinner it was something with a tomato source and after a dinner full of father-in-law making xenophobic chauvinistic bigoted butthole statements we went to clean up the kitchen sink and dishwasher maybe ten feet from where he is sitting I was taking my plate of the sink while making eye contact with them talking to my so that's is not looking at father-in-law he apparently held out his plate full of tomato sauce for me to take to the sink right there and I didn't notice after I didn't take it his response was to flip the plate upside down onto the white carpet he didn't apologize or say oops or try to clean it up his response was to cross his arms over his fat body and frown he has not been invited back since although whenever we're frustrated we now say frickert plate flip if it were with me let's just hope he had a plate shapped Amos we were going out of town for the weekend and a friend asked if he could stay at our house since he lived with his parents in the country and it saved tremendously on commute to his job plus that way he could actually go to a party and drink with the option of taking a cab ride home that didn't cost close to a hundred bucks I jokingly said just as long as you don't nail a one-night stand in my bed and he waved it off since he didn't have much luck with the ladies plus he planned on sleeping on the couch anyway but from what I could tell when I came home afterward there was a fermenting rotting glass of our best liquor stash in my bedroom he was thoughtful enough to not want to leave a water ring on our st. Vinnie's dresser so he used a white silk shirt from my drawer as a coaster for their red whatever drink he had concocted then judging by the state of my bedsheets which he had not bothered to change he and his lady friend slaughtered a chicken together in bed when I brought up these facts he basically acted like I was a B for not being happy that he got laid that's not a friend that's a doubt about you know my cousin let's call him JC was traveling cross-country for work and decided to make an impromptu stop in Denver for a few days I didn't mind cause I like having friends family around he was to arrive on a Monday and I didn't take time off so I'd be working in the day but afternoons and evenings were mostly free the first day or two of him being there went fine until a Wednesday night that he tells me he wants to get out of the apartment mind you it was already after 8:00 p.m. and I have to be up for work at 4:30 a.m. so JC decides to call a cab and just go to a bar for a little bit I wasn't ready for it but I didn't want to hold him back from seeing some of the city I give him my address and a spare key he leaves with the cabbie around 9 p.m. fast freakin forward to 2 a.m. I get woken up by a call from my cousin freaked up asking to open the door I'm like what the Freak you have the key and he responds opened the door I'm knocking I tell him JC I don't hear you knocking where the Frick are you this went on for about 20 plus minutes of trying to get a drunken [ __ ] to make sense on the phone I decided to throw on some clothes and drive around the community simultaneously talking to him on the phone and looking for a drunk bastard knocking on some random person's door after much circling around I find a cop car with two cops walking towards an apartment building not far from mine I get out and walk towards them the cop approaches me and asks if I know the guy and I told the cop the truth of how it all played out but they tell me to stay by my car while they talk to him a few minutes pass and JC stumbles over while the cops tell me to take him immediately JC in his drunken wisdom was banging on the door of an apartment with a single mom and two children he lost my goddamn apartment key which they were kind enough to replace without charge he raged in my apartment and threatened to kick my butt he then proceeded to pass out until I got back from work around 5:00 p.m. I did not get any sleep that night after 2:00 a.m. I know you'll read this JC I love you but goddamn I wanted to kill you that night and that was the story of Jesus Christ turn one time my friend was really drunk and instead of getting up and walking to the bathroom he tried to fight it off only he couldn't he randomly stood up from my couch and spray puked everywhere I'm talking Exorcist style puke he managed to hit every single electronic device in the room 360 ps3 TV and PC as he attempted to run out of the room while he was still puking I was furious he didn't even offer to clean up or anything he just went home needless to say I don't invite him over when he's drunk anymore I once took six shots of 151 within 15 minutes right before the seventh one I projectiled all over my friend's table and carpet and then pass out when I woke up I saw that his wife already cleaned up I gave her a $100 for her birthday that year I had a roommate who liked to throw parties when I wasn't home one Halloween I went out to a party and came home at 2:00 a.m. to find a rager party at my own house there were these doubt she guys who were older than us in high school and always beat people up for no reason at the party I wanted to kick everyone out but I was scared of them I went to use my toilet and someone had dumped the contents of my bathrooms garbage cardboard plastic TP into the toilet and then taken a nasty diarrhea crap all over it seeing that I went into rage mode and kicked everyone to freak out my roommate was passed out drunk and I didn't want the stuff to just sit and fester in the toilet so I convinced a drunk girl to hold a plastic bag while I scooped out the crap garbage out of the toilet with a ladle I didn't want to plug the toilet by flushing random garbage TLDR had to buy a new ladle that drunk girl sounds like a keeper you should give her a call when I was living in an apartment my toilet broke the manager was coming within the hour to fix it my boyfriend at the time decided to take a dump knowing the toilet was broken so he shoots and just walks out the door and leaves I have to clean it up before the manager got there obviously we bro up there is just no going back from that I guess you could say he got puts on sunglasses dumped would grab himself a hot dogger tout BB q run to the toilet shove it down there and repeat the process until it was clogged it's not really sure why he did it I'd love to know what he thought he'd achieved when he was done he was 21 years old if someone kept stealing my hot dogs and running to the bathroom I'd be relieved that he was putting them in the toilet it wasn't my home but it was a beach house my family had rented first this drunk butthole pointing at a friend's stomach a girl who was most certainly not fat and said you are too fat then while talking to my brother-in-law and his friend both Navy f-14 pilots he said think you guys could teach me to fly sure they said in good humor ok you teach me to fly and I will teach you how to be an engineer like any common I guess he felt like they were one-upping him and trying to belittle them the guy did this kind of crap all night including basically groping my wife and half the girls at the party at the end of the night I had gone to bed my sister had retired to her room she said she was getting undressed when he barged into the room she said get out of here and that he replied you know you want me to be here at which point she screamed for help my brother-in-law and his friends were among the last people up those Navy pilots can really drink and so they ran into the room following the screams and grabbed the guy I was coming out of my room by then awakened by the screams and watched as they dragged the butthole out onto the balcony it was a three-story house they pushed the guy against the railing and acted like they were about to lift him over it my brother-in-law's friend says to him either you get the Frick out of here and never come back or your first flying lesson is tonight double quote your brother-in-law's friend wins the baddest line award for the day when I was 7 a friend stayed the night I have a waterbed we fall asleep on set waterbed I wake up the next morning soaking wet friend says waterbed has a leak I was covered in pee Frick you call you pee on my power juh bedsheets and made me sleep in your own pee this sounds strangely what my brother Karl would do my mother-in-law was staying at our house in the middle of the night I hear her get up and then hear my garage door open there being absolutely no reason for her to be out there I get up to go see if she needs anything I opened the door and find her crouching over a cup peeing I startled her which caused her to drop the cup spilling her fresh urine all over my garage floor her explanation was that someone my husband was in the only bathroom that would fly except she didn't even knock on the door she just saw the door closed and went straight to peeing in a cup in the garage oh wow I've never met someone with a similar story to mine before my grandmother peed all over my bedroom carpet she was staying in my bedroom which is right next to the bathroom we decided that she didn't want to disturb anyone with a flush in the middle of the night so she got out a torch and decided to try and pee into a yogurt cot instead she missed teenage sister-in-law moved in with us and is a certified hoarder like as bad as the people on the hoarding TV shows but it was confined to her room they're dropping her off at college this week and I kind of want to give her new roommate a heads up but it's probably not my place I'll probably tell there are I don't want to sour the roomies impression of her right off the bat this is actually my SILS sophomore year but first year with a roommate she claims that she kept her room neat last year but I never saw it and when she came back to our house this summer it was garbage city again she needs to get therapy to deal with it it's not your place to tell her new college roommate but she's going to have an awful time at college when her roommate hates her several years ago when my wife and I would go out of town we'd have one of my friends ex friend now house pets it for us I'd known him for a few years and he seemed like a pretty cool guy he had free rein of the house including access to my PC but every time we got back I'd inevitably have a virus on my computer finally had enough and installed a key logger to see why found out that he was logging into chat rooms posing at a 13 year old girl who was into bestiality and also downloading KDP update I had a lot of the same questions that many of you have brought up concerning the fact that the data was on my computer and the fact that I was a new dad with a six month old daughter I was very scared of being tracked down in possibly losing my daughter over something that I had nothing to do with after discussing it with my wife I decided that going to the police was not the best option I saved a copy of a keylogger log files on a USB Drive for evidence should I ever need it to defend myself I then deleted the partitions of the HD recreated them and then formatted it as for the guy himself I was very tempted to kick his butt but really just wanted his disgusting butt out of my life I did confront him about what I had found and told him he needed to get some help I told him I was keeping evidence of his actions and if he ever came near my family again a copy was going to be sent to the authorities and also his parents a houseguest at my parents house stayed in my childhood bedroom he was a drunk and in the middle of the night I guess he decided he didn't want the fan on anymore instead of turning the fan off he broke every fan blade off the ceiling fan and hid them under the dresser TLDR 50 year-old man destroyed ceiling fan as switching it off was too difficult I had some friends over after a night out at the bar my buddy and his girlfriend were fighting and my buddy left his fairly large girlfriend went into the bathroom and we noticed that she was in there for quite a while I assumed she was on the phone or whatever at one point I looked over towards the bathroom and noticed water flooding underneath the door the girl comes rushing out of the bathroom pants around here knees saying I don't know what happened she had somehow fallen into the toilet busting the bottom half of the tank water was all over the bathroom floor needless to say she was drunk and very unhelpful we ended spending $200 for a new toilet and she never once offered to pay us back good thing they broke up because I never want her at my house again started snooping through all my things I don't mind if people look at or touch things out in the open but I think it's a bit rude to open drawers and just look through everything chasms came over to my house for a family BB q one of them raided my room while I was out surfing my parents did not let me lock my room so it was open game for the family cousin took my cell phone waleed him some videogames of mine also decided it would be okay to leave his herb remnant in my room when I get home my brother tells me who was in my room and I tell my mom about the missing stuff in the baggie of stems I found I get grounded by her for calling of a nephew a thief and a lecture about how I don't know how hard they my cousin's have it she also claims that the weed was mine and I was just scared that one of the family members found it she says I am just shifting blame onto someone else quick for your information I had a job at the time and paid for all that stuff he still and my weed was safely stashed and the tube I used for my keys when surfing week goes by and my uncle calls and tells me he found some of my stuff in his son's room he apologizes for his son and tells my mom but my mom still sides with my cousin this leads to a long time of random drug testing by my mom oh and I never got my stuff back this happened a while back when I was in high school so late 90s I'm over it now actually I am glad it happened incidents like that are what gave me incentive to get out of my house before everything went downhill in regards to closure of this story and my mom the cousin who took my stuff is long gone and missing kind of sad actually last I heard was that he moved out to Utah and disappeared my mom and I no longer talk I had my son to one stroke two years ago and my mom was unable to act proprietary around here and my wife she liked to make xenophobic jokes my wife's race being the butt of the joke which in turn makes my son the subject of the joke that amongst other things led to falling out during my first summer in college I lived at home my parents have a beautiful massive 3,600 square feet house that has a very open floor plan they leave me in charge of pet setting out dozens of animals for a week I decide to have some co-workers over for beer pong and hot tubbing one of my rather annoying co-workers finds out and invites herself she shows up and proceeds to drink more than anyone her size should ever drink by 9:00 p.m. she is beyond wasted and proceeds to vomit she somehow manages to walk from my living room to the guest room past three bathrooms and the kitchen sink while vomiting the entire way there was puke on the couch carpet walls stairwell and every piece of furniture between the living room and guest room once she stumbles into there she proceeds to strip naked and throw her vomit soaked clothing onto the bed she then begins to rummage through my closet and finds herself something to wear despite me begging her to go shower and let me bring her clothes obviously she spends the night and the next morning as I am scrubbing the remnants of her vomit off of every surface in my house she asked me what are you going to make me for breakfast I'm too hungover to drive right now she didn't even attempt to help clean up her puke what I did to this girl I am ashamed to admit that I didn't really say do anything but the next day at work everyone knew about her transgression and she was no longer able to invite herself to parties and was henceforth known as barfi sorry I am such a spineless fool guys it's actually brunch right now so I'm making eggs been a death of freak out off me house not a guest of my own but a former roommates girlfriend would come over and destroy our kitchen trying to create new dishes she would leave rice burned into pots wash cast iron pans and I mean wash them in addition to leaving nasty protein drink up sitting in the sink and oddly helping to put anything away so glad I lived by myself now and don't have to deal with other people's guests wash cast-iron pans and I mean wash them no jury in the world would convict you for killing them the person who washed your pans you would get away with murder so I live in a co-op and we sometimes host couch surfers or friends of friends and usually it goes over great positive memories include me taking four Austrian girls to Six Flags and having one of the most fun days of my life and otherwise meeting interesting and awesome people the worst thing people have done though is once we had a couple come and stay with us and had said they would only stay for two or three days they came in a van like an actual hippie Brno van that they lived in parked in our tiny parking driveway and brought an untrained puppy that they didn't tell any of us about the puppy peed on everything and fought with our well-behaved well-trained usually chill dog and harristown cats viciously we already had pets they should have told us they were bringing a dang dog because we had two cats and a dog of our own at the time and the stupid puppy could have been dangerous to them now we have three cats and the dog moved to Portland with his owner don't want anyone to think my use of past-tense meant anything bad happened to any of our pets then every time the puppy destroyed something peed on something or harassed another pet I'd ask its owners to do something about it and they would flip out on me he's just a little puppy how could we ell at him and would get super defensive while refusing to take responsibility at all for the fact that their animal was a menace furthermore they ended up staying two weeks with their huge stupid van in our yard they were friends of another house maid so she kept begging us to let em stay and then when the rest of the house got so fed up with their entitled ways of their dang dog they acted like we were the bad guys for making them leave and that if you guys are a co-op house it's not very in the spirit to force travelers to leave I hate that crap just because we are a co-op not mean we're a haven for hippy freeloaders it's a home we keep clean and live in most of us have normal jobs and normal lives we just prefer the reduced cost and ink companionship of a large house full of people freaking hippies man so I'm a huge fan of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia a couple years ago FX made an official army jacket like Charlie's in the show and his birthday present from my now dead mother she bought it for me I waited two weeks for the thing to arrive opened it up and fell in love it was perfect down to the patches on the front to the freaking stitching and shade of green on the jacket come to find it was just a tiny bits too big for me but too small to exchange for a smaller size mom offers to pay to have it altered so it'll fit me like a glove we fold it up and put it right on her dresser in plain sight to take to a tailor next week we had to wait because some uncle I'd never met was driving in from Wisconsin to visit for the weekend all three bedrooms were taken up so my mom offered hers up for him to stay in for the night everything's cool right mom and grandma swear up and down he is a great guy and our love meeting him he was okay kind of full of himself and I soon wandered back to my bedroom to read and play some games by myself morning comes uncle whoever the Frick leaves before I get up mum goes shopping and I chill out in her room to watch TV for a while but something is missing my $80 jacket that I love so dang much and couldn't wait to be able to wear was gone I told the whole frickin house apart searching for it and it was frickin gone I know that butthole stole it because it sat in that spot on the dresser for two freaking days before he got here on the day he left it wasn't there my grandmother insists he wouldn't have done it my mother did too and now I can't even buy another one because they don't make them anymore so whatever your name was guy from Wisconsin I hope you open a box of Hornets one day I only got to wear that thing for five freakin minutes and you stole the girl's 16th birthday present I fricking hate that guy just last year I let a couple live with me when they first moved to LA to get settled in and then we were all planning on finding a bigger apartment within later her dad was best friends with my late father so even though we didn't know her personally we assumed the best the first thing they did was bring a Golden Retriever and a cat to my apartment that does not allow pets and did not tell me after countless times are them not listening to me and us almost getting evicted they finally listened but then continued to bring the dog and cat back it was exhausting they didn't pay rent or utilities and still owe me so much money the girl was completely insane she was the moodiest person I have ever met she got drunk one night and threw her cat against the ceiling and threw my friend in a closet then took all my dishes and started smashing them WTF the final month was coming up on our lease and by this point my other roommate was overwhelmed and moved out so the new guests were going to split wrench with me the day before rent was due they told me they were moving out and not giving me any money for rent I could not afford $2,500 rent by myself so within a night I was homeless I had to move out within the night in to my best friend's apartment when they moved out they took a bunch of my stuff broke the window and dishes and never helped clean the place at all I was so lucky my landlord let me out of the lease never had I met such terrible people before in my life I would not taken them to small claims court who could have gotten that money back a friend of ours was visiting with her child this was not really a child but her eight-year-old see her after five minutes made it obvious the lack of discipline she grew up with my daughter and said Hellion were playing in her room the adults stepped outside to see discuss something for less than 3-4 minutes we return when we hear it squawk to find her holding my dove the little crap opened the cage and grabbed her to pet her did you know you can squeeze a bird it died from internal injuries less than two hours later my daughter was heartbroken I'm heartbroken doosh kid a mutual friend used to cause a few issues wherever he went the first time he did anything bad at my house was after a university pub crawl about a month after I met him we stumbled home and sat on the deck having one last beer it was about 3:00 a.m. and he gets up and goes inside and I say where you going dude I'm going to have a wank ah okay no one seemed surprised with this revelation and someone says yeah he likes to jerk off after a good drinking session I found this fact more than a little disturbing no more than five minutes passes and he comes out with a grin on his face the other guys start warily edging away from him like they know something is up I follow their lead and sure enough he slurs out who wants to see my spider-man impersonation he holds up his hand and it is covered in semen it looks like he's jammed his hand into a massive jar of glue he then opens his fingers and sure enough ropey strands of a Jackie let do their best impression of spider-man's web he then chased us around the house for a bit singing the spider-man theme tune all the while flinging web at unsuspecting victims I ran from the house screaming like a 12 year old girl and wouldn't come back until someone reassured me that he'd passed out in the garden bed a few weeks later we are back at my house and it is the morning after a big night so the DVR goes for his ritualistic wank just takes himself off into a bedroom locks the door and gets down to business he's in there for only about three minutes and then trudges back out sits down and starts watching TV the guys who live at the house say dude how about you freak off home and he replies gotta wait for my sock to dry he'd had a wank couldn't find anything to wipe up with so he used his sock we all look out the window and the clothes line is empty except for one solitary CM soaked sock slowly spinning around in the wind enough was enough we told him to get out take his cm rag and go home he reluctantly trudged outside and got his sock off the line put it on his foot and squelched off home squelch squelch squelch off he went great-aunt stayed to pets it cooked and ate the family rabbit in a stew at least you found out before you asked her to babysit I had a sleepover for my 10th birthday I invited all 11 girls from my class all 11 showed up which was unexpected it was a very small house with 4 people living there so as you can imagine it was extremely cramped not the best idea for a party anyways one of the attendees was a girl I'll call her Amanda whoo I only invited because I knew she didn't have any friends I soon found out why when she locked my stepsister out of my room claiming only big kids were allowed my stepsister was six at the time broke my wooden bed frame by intentionally falling backwards onto it threw herself onto my stepdads back and tried to force him to carry her around she was pretty overweight so this definitely wasn't comfortable came to the party when she had ringworm that's actually more her Guardians faults than hers that's all I can think of though I'm sure there were more incidents I actually always felt very bad for her because her mother was very violently murdered when a man that was a baby the case was and still is very infamous where I live I'm pretty sure most of her behavior at the party as well as everywhere else she pretty much always acted out was because she wasn't getting enough attention at home due to her mom's death that saw her lack of friends I dunno haven't heard from her since elementary school so I hope she's okay this is really saddening in a way I think everyone has met their own Amanda one of my buddy's friends tried to debauch a girl in my bedroom so I went up to him and asked him politely to leave across the face two or three times he must have been drinking because he couldn't walk very well the clumsy guy fell down the steps to my driveway I decided in his less a state of mind I would be responsible to drive him home but since I didn't know where that was I decided this dark field in the middle of nowhere out of town was as good a place as any he was so drunk he forgot his cell phone in my car broke the air conditioner then broke the industrial-sized fan then the mini fan left in the early hours of the morning with ramen noodles all over the place and the front and back doors wide open still my Twix chocolate from the fridge and left the wrapper in the lawn I hate family had tricked my girlfriend story time in high school I had what was supposed to be a small gathering at my house while my parents were gone but there had been a party for someone's birthday and everyone from the birthday dinner found their way to my house I was a little on edge because quite a few of the people coming were people I did not like at all one of these people was Joey an annoying jock who thought he was better than everyone well once everyone gets there I lay out some ground rules no one going in my parents bedroom or my bedroom if you want to have some special no clothes time with a buddy go to the guest bedroom please use the office bathroom or bathroom near the kitchen and put the seat down try to be clean etc but let's all have a great time literally five minutes later I go in the bathroom by my bedroom and the seat is up and there is pee everywhere the party had just started and there was already a little lagoon of urine in and around my toilet how does this even happen so quickly I stormed back in the kitchen stood on the counter and politely asked WH oh the frick pee all over my toilet and left the seat up found out which kid did it surprise surprise it was jokey Ishod joey told him he could clean it up and stay or leave the party and GTFO I got out the Windex and made him clean it while everyone watched this kid I did not like literally scrubbed my toilet on his hands and knees in front of a bunch of people just to hang out and drink the cheap Bud Light I had in my fridge it was so satisfying TL DR Joey I still hate you and your complete disregard for other people's things also at school one day Joey kicked an entire bottle of red Powerade that was full and had no cap on it getting sticky red liquid all over a classroom he then refused to clean it up because it wasn't his Powerade that he had kicked I believe I gave him my souland Windex I just wanted him to clean more I'd say this was the perfect punishment and must have felt through good I once had an acquaintance of my wife break not one but two glasses in a matter of 10 minutes B got a plastic cup after that my friend drunkenly broke two glasses at my house even before I could say anything he runs out the door comes back five minutes later with a whole box of glasses that he had gotten from his trunk he had gotten married a few months earlier and he had received lots of kitchen items my buddy and I were celebrating my birthday and we put down about a fifth and a half of 80 proof whiskey between the two of us I woke up a few hours after we'd passed out to find him squatting in the middle of the living room taking a giant spring drunk crap all over our brand-new hardwood floor and of course my top comment ever is about my buddy crapping on my floor anyway to follow up I walked in on him in the middle of the process and since I was still drunk turned around and went right back to bed the next morning I woke up and it was gone apparently at some point later in the night my wife now ex-wife bid four different reasons came out found the giant disaster of a mess woke up my drunk friend who was sleeping on the couch and made him clean the entire floor he threw up once during the process and just kept on cleaning to this day he doesn't remember any of it hey at least it wasn't carpet seriously though that's disgusting although not technically a guest my five year old cousin started to take a dump in our downstairs toilet and somehow got it all over the toilet seat and floor this is bad enough but then mid crap he decided to run upstairs crapping as he went and defecate in the upstairs bathroom - we had houseguests at the time who witnessed the whole thing my brother had a party one night while me and my mom were both gone I came home around 7:00 a.m. the following morning to find a random naked girl and condom wrappers in my bed he let one of his buddies free co-heir me and my daughter sleep needless to say I flip the freak out his friends twenty years olds are still afraid of me ha littered dang cigarette at my kitchen table we weren't eating as much as we were playing cards spades and drinking my wife's co-workers husband decided he was just going light a cigarette in a smoke-free home I asked him to put it out and he told me that it's not bothering anyone so what's the big deal I couldn't kick that butthole out of my house fast enough what P me off more was my wife's co-worker comes to work the next day and says that he doesn't smoke in the house at home and wanted to know when they could come over and try again what the Frick stopped up the toilet with crap not just any crap it was green and full of leaves that's what you get for inviting a brontosaurus around got up walked over to my stereo stop the music and ejected the CDs to put something different another friend would get up and adjust the tone on the receiver and graphic equalizer both of these guys fancy themselves audio files and believed that gave them tacit permission to futz with my stereo without asking first my friends tuned every guitar in my house I like to leave some cheap guitars lying around so I can just pick them up and play them whenever the mood strikes everyone thinks they can tune by ear almost no one can stop freakin tuning my guitars borrowed my gameboy and deleted my Pokemon savegame I was nearly at the Elite Four once my husband and I was staying at my mom's friend's house near Christmas she used to keep stuff in her oven since she didn't cook and my husband turned it on to bake a pizza my two-year-old also broke a tree ornament we were never invited back I went out of town for the weekend so our little relatives stay there in exchange for giving our caterpillar saves us from having to hire a pet sitter I had left detailed instructions and there was the container with 9 or 10 days worth of pills when my wife and I got back the last afternoon we decided to go to dinner with the relative before they left I went to feed and medicate the cat but there were no pills when I asked he said he had crushed them all up and put them in the cat's food I said didn't you even read my instructions he said sure it said to give the cat the pills in the container yeah but not all of them thank God the cat was fine but we still give him crap I let a group of friends stay at my apartment after a night of heavy drinking I awoke to a figure standing by my clothes hamper and relieving himself into it it turned out to be the head bartender of a high-end local Steakhouse in return I Walston during dinner and sat at the bar ordered a 22 ounce dry aged porterhouse medium rare with all the fixings and a bottle of Mondavi Cabernet reserve but took up space off about two hours and then shook his hand and left I think that more than makes up for my clothes and furniture one of my roommates was terrible and had super shady people over all the time once someone peed all over my bathroom I'm talking over the floor in the shower on the toilet in the sink and the mirror I never knew someone could be that much another potential roommate actually had passed every one of my must-haves until he started telling me that he didn't mind gay people but didn't approve of a man fricking another man right as my gay male roommate was walking up the stairs needless to say he was not invited back oh come on you just didn't let him finish he was going to say I don't approve of men fricking unless they have Chumbawamba playing in the background which as we all know is a perfectly reasonable statement I once had a guest who got really drunk attacked a girl half his size and tried to strangle her trashed a bunch of furniture threw up all over the floor and smeared it all over the walls then ran away i bitched at him a dozen times about leaving his torrance up 24 stroked seven and eventually told him he's got to stop torrenting altogether because it's getting ridiculous a few months later I get notifications from my ice that they've been subpoenaed for my information and shortly after I'm involved in a civil case against myself for torrenting and sharing P almost 2000 dollars in lawyers fees later and I'm dropped off the lawsuit altogether but it was a tense month or two there you have been visited by the holy dog air like and subscribing magnificent person [Music]

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 83,261

Rating: 4.8728476 out of 5

Keywords: worst guest, guest, guests, worst guests, worst guest ever, worst guests ever, house guests, house guest, sleepover, house, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap

Id: E0lwJAxTB-M

Length: 38min 51sec (2331 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 24 2020