Bartenders, What Are Your Craziest Stories From Work?

bartenders offered it what is the craziest story you have from behind the mahogany I was bartending at this German sports bar in the late afternoon early evening when two of my regulars came in after a few rounds one of the men says he's going to take a smoke and for his friend to watch his things the guy gets up from his chair takes a few steps patting down his pockets and realizes he forgot his smokes while still walking toward the door he says hey Cletus throw me a cig his friend opens his pack and without looking Chuck's it in the direction of his friend walking toward the door at that exact moment he spun around and the cigarette landed straight in his mouth in smoking position he continued to turn back to face the door then stopped dead in his tracks realizing what had just happened we all then continued to freak out and realize that will never happen again in a million years I love that it took him a second to even realize what had happened I'd probably quit smoking after that for the sole reason that every cigarette afterwards would never be as cool as at one time our minds from an Irish pub - in CA I worked for these two brothers who owned the place they are from Island anyway the cops in this town are extremely power crazy from lack of anything better to do in an affluent area anyway this guy is at the bar getting [ __ ] hassed he's nice though he walks outside for a cig stumbles a little bit leans against a tree finishes up and comes back in a couple cops follow him into the bar and come up behind him they accost him not sure for what reason he was quiet outside and I watched him the whole time and he didn't do anything out of the ordinary anyway they grab him and say you're drunk you under arrest for public intoxication now yeah the dude is drunk but he's been and before and he always cabs home or something I say hey he is not drunk in public he's in a private establishment and leave him alone he's not harming anyone I admit I'm no lawyer so I'm not sure of the technicalities behind him being in public or not but it was still flicked up - the cops tell me to shut the Frick up which I don't so they then say okay fine now he'll be drunk in public and drag this guy the bar into the street I'm flipping out but what could I do one of my bosses was in back and here's what's going on only a few seconds have passed now I had worked with the other brother before and this was my first time working with meeting this particular brother being the scrappy little Irishman that he is he comes out and screams what the Frick is this and hops over the bar runs out the front and tackles one of the officers to defend his patron other cop let go of their original target and whips out his nightstick and starts taxing my boss while he wails on the other cop he gets beaten pretty badly and there's a lot of folks watching by this point and the cops look around and simply leave a couple employees bring my boss back in and he's got blood all over his face he looks at me and says hey there what's your name lad don't believe we've met yet this all went down so quickly that I just stood there poker face until that moment then we all had a laugh and got drunk there were no legal repercussions on any party involved in this event your boss is a freakin badass I work in a big bug brew pub right on the edge of a big nightlife swanky section of town one night it was pretty slow in this one woman walks in and sits at the bar and asks for garlic I assume she's from nearby nicely dressed in polite speaker maybe she needs some garlic to cook with so I run down to the kitchen and fill a small to-go box with some garlic cloves I come back hand her the box and she can barely contain herself saying how I and another server she had seen that day apparently she had been at a friend's party earlier on might explain the odd behavior restored her faith in people she handed me a $10 bill to try and pay I told her it was on the house so she put the bill in my pocket sat down at the bar and started munching on the raw garlic cloves she ordered up a Grey Goose and soda so I certainly didn't mind her hanging around the bar so she proceeded to munch on garlic and tell me a bit about herself how she was a local doing well with her and her friend running a small business together and asked if I was single because she knew some girls who would absolutely love me I lied on that one because I wasn't too comfortable with the thought of a slightly off her rocker 40 year old trying to set me up after another vodka soda and some more garlic she proceeds to give me a $20 tip more than 100 percent tip and a scarf from her business to give to your girl as she put it I proceeded to trade the scarf for 15 beer slips from my boss after giving me the $10 I tried to give it back to her she then threatened to throw up on the bar if I didn't keep it TL DR oddball woman walked into my bar asks for garlic proceeded to eat garlic cloves raw tipped me $30 and a scarf for being nice to her as a scarf fanatic I'm jealous and it's odd but sweet one Halloween there was a dry rave next door to the bar I worked and so obviously we were busy two couples dressed as Chippendales and strippers walked in and orders some shooters at the bar the one guy sits at one of the stools and starts making out with the girl with the bigger T he proceeds to rip her shirt down and shove his hand up her skirt and before anybody could say anything he pulls his hand out from her crotch and wipes her freakin juices on the bar obviously we kicked them out I was working at a bar a few weeks ago in this girl just dropped down at the bar and started plowing a guy the bar wasn't even that packed it was funny watching guys Mack on her later that night who had no idea I was a bartender for ten years in the Nick and saw tons of crazy and messed up things that I don't want to repeat here's a good one I worked a neighborhood bar and had tons of regulars from all walks of life every bartender has a gift and mine is remembering people's drinks in the specific way it's made if you're picky about your martini you want me to be your bartender anyway a rabbi in his late 60s would come in every Monday at 6:30 p.m. not dinner rush yet 8:00 p.m. and make but people are starting to trickle in I never knew his name and just always called him rabbi rabbis drink was a Rob Roy straight up with red label scotch and barely a splash of sweet vermouth shaken in plain ice then drained then I added the booze and swiftly stirred in order to cool the drink without water down finished it off with a lemon twist wipe on the rim of a chilled glass rabbi had been a regular for four years when one day I saw him walking in so I began making his drink the bar was unusually busy and all six tables and old bar stools were filled I poured rabbi's drink and then went to take care of tables I was slammed was making a drink order when I noticed rabbi not drinking but instead stiffening up for a moment before he fell backwards and completely hit the ground hard I jumped over the bar and saw that he was holding his arm I thought it was a heart attack but not sure he asked me to call a special ambulance service can't remember the name but it was Hasidic I ran across the street to a bodega and hurriedly asked for aspirin didn't have time to pay just ran back to the bar and shoved it in rabbi's mouth and made him swallow it with water I was shocked when dinner customers were complaining about not having ketchup and yelled at the entire bar can't you see we have a man who may be having a heart attack flick your ketchup the ambulance showed up and unfortunately dropped him twice I got fed up with them and called 9-1-1 the fire department was there first and took care of the entire situation I thought that rabbi had died because I hadn't seen him in several weeks one day I was pleasantly surprised when I saw Rabbi limping into the bar with the assistance of a younger man who turned out to beat his son his son told me that his dad had insisted on visiting me to thank me for saving his life it turned out that three of his arteries were almost fully closed and if he hadn't had the aspirin he would have died TL DR so a rabbi walks into a bar and I may have saved his life kudos for doing what you did also kudos for Frick your ketchup I am NOT a bartender but I was in a bar staffed by a friend of my boyfriend's and it's a fairly quiet night and suddenly there's this muffled swamp sound and utter silence falls over the entire room a woman halfway down the bar had dropped her goddamn baby on the floor at first Reid I thought you meant the baby fell out of her womb onto the floor mine aren't so crazy as they are sad since I used to work at a sports club with many poker machines I did bar service and payouts giving people poker machine credit slips so you saw lot of people down on their luck others who were clearly addicted sub was to report the people to supervisors and you know duty of care and all that we were supposed to provide them with gambling helpline materials never once saw it happen there were some more simple keep layers too though biggest tip I ever got was 175 dollars board and people don't normally tip in horse after one of our regulars who liked me won several thousand this guy owned a bunch of businesses and drove either a gorgeous Holly all gorgeous Mercedes he went through thousands like it was pocket change probably was for him one amusing thing was when a new guy came in to try his luck I think he was there to have dinner with the family or something anyway his first time ever playing a poker machine he's playing one cent machines typically lowest risk lowest reward and he bets 25 cents the second spin he gets a jackpot not an unheard-of occurrence with how jackpots work it was a slow night and I was watching from behind the bar thinking he'd probably just gotten jackpot for which capped out at around $25 yet no guys spent 50 cents and got jackpot 1 which was worth $23 zero zero zero at the time never saw him again smart man I used to bartend for an upscale catering company weddings corporate events etc worst story ever was a white-trash ear a wedding they only contracted our company for the bar and it was a cheaper place doing the food worst night off tips I had a bad job by a large statistical margin but that wasn't the worst part both bride and groom had children from a previous marriage the groom's son in particular was quite endearing to me he was middle school age and smart as all heck the rare small child who can hold a semi adult conversation and hold his own I kept him stocked with Shirley temple's all night and we talked a fair amount of baseball so the wedding party decided to commemorate the occasion with shot glasses for the wedding party but said shot glasses were put to use aggressively throughout the night at the end as we're packing everything up one of the shot glasses is left on the counter most of the guests have gone by this point both bride and groom are well into their 40s so by 10:30 even the place was fairly empty I asked around about the shot glass and find out that it belongs to the groom he is seated with his son and the bride's daughter at a table by the dance floor I walk over the groom is barely coherent passing out in the chair the children are trying in vain to keep him awake at the same time as me a few other people noticed this situation and begin assisting with him with the situation under control I want as little to do with this sordid reminder of the broken home I come from I set the shot glass on the table and go to leave but as I take a step away the little girl tells me please don't give it back to him he'll drink more then why stop and the son grabs the shot glass and pockets it he reassures me that he'll keep it from his dad for the rest of the night the look in his eyes tells me that he means it it's a look I know all too well I've never wanted to quit a job more in my life than that drive home I work in a hotel bar in the UK I've seen some interesting things over the last three years of working in this place bar fights between the fathers of the brides and grooms on the wedding day full-blown marital arguments drunken millionaires inappropriately aged women slipping me their room keys drunk and Japanese businessmen falling asleep it on the bar and 18 hours shifts over New Year's my favorite story though is the one I trot out when I talk with the new staff that I end up training on the bar the day that I turned up to find a crap behind the bar it was a lovely color of brown a bestial Brown if you are a Warhammer fan I was a little surprised so I informed the duty manager of it who came around had a little laugh about it with me then I cleaned it up end of the story number I started asking around the staff to hear if anything else similar had happened in the last few days trying to identify our Phantom [ __ ] it turned out that this one guest had some mental problems and had been defecating at random throughout the hotel and on the bus that he was part of the tour wave I think he was with his parents on the trip he'd crap in his room he'd crap outside his hotel room door he'd crap on the coach he also wandered out of the hotel on his own London to the town center and was terrorizing the local branch of the Halifax Bank I like to use it as an idea of how each day at work can be completely unlike the one before +14 wore hand the color schemes although I now feel strange knowing exactly what shade of poop you saw I was bartending waitressing in a bar back home small town this bar tends to attract the older crowd more of a pub really one of our busier nights we had a decently mixed crowd including two young couples sitting together they were all nice enough the lights and tipped well each guy had an arm around their respective girl and they seemed to be having fun about half an hour later the other waitress comes up to me and asks about the table it's not a huge bar I know who she's talking about when she describes them he says we have to kick them out I thought maybe they got in a fight with someone or something so I asked her what happened I just caught em freaking in the bathroom that's right not one guy and a girlfriend the two guys I guess she had been standing beside the door when a customer opened the door and everyone got an eyeful we had single occupancy bathrooms with a Dan lock the girlfriends had been sitting at the table the whole time unaware as far as I know when we went to ask them to leave they were already gone it wasn't anyone having a problem with two guys freaking it was the fact that anyone was fricking in that tiny bathroom when the other waitress told me we both had a good chuckle and were glad they were already gone so we didn't have to do anything about it I also work at an Irish pub in the Netherlands and we have slot machines our regulars spend a lot of money on them when I first started working there almost a year ago there was a female regular so caught up in the machine that she didn't want to stop and take a bathroom break keep in mind that it was a quiet afternoon and the only ones there were her and some other regulars so she would not have to be afraid of losing her spot so she proceeded to urinate on the stool she was sitting on so we kicked her in the stew out got a new stool and I personally never saw her in the pub again funny how people don't realise that the first pool has the same chance of winning as the 1000th okay the house can control the payout but they're machines with certain percentage guaranteed payouts this is a sad and horrible story but ending one night I had a group of younger kids near 21 coming I recognized the girl from a mutual friend we shared her man introduced himself as Satan and proceeded to be in but Ian tonight finally I had to put him out he was being verbally abusive to his girl and others he refused to pay I confronted and worse convincing he actually lowered his head and handed me his entire wallet I refused to touch his wallet got his girl to pull the money out apperently super upset from me putting him in his place he was snapping on his girlfriend to the point where she came back inside and asked me and others to keep him away from her because she knew me she asked if she could leave with me I told her it wasn't a good idea for many reasons I'll let her stay until she got a right to pick her up she left 30 minutes later I saw police cars and an ambulance screamed by I didn't find out until the next day when my boss called me asking me to come in the police wanted to speak to me he effin killed that girl he stabbed her through the torso with a decorative car Tanner and my understanding as he claimed in wrestling the cart Hannah from her yada-yada basically plead to some petty manslaughter get out in two years type off balls I told the police everything I could to get him put away his aggressive demeanor verbal abuse to her threatening me I'll always wonder if maybe me standing up to him triggered some crazy response in him it was a waste she was beautiful and that's the story about when I met Satan his real name ended up being Michael something I wish I knew it also I could put him on blast ironically her name was angel r.i.p not your fault man for all you know your intervention could have stopped him from hurting even more people don't blame yourself a million things could have happened I was working the night of the 2010 Grey Cup game Canada's Super Bowl it was a super busy night the writers were playing so the place was packed and I crap you not during halftime this huge bastard walks in wearing giant sunglasses a trench coat and a hardhat drunkest Frigg I watched him take a step towards the bar and he stops dead and just stands there for a few seconds all of a sudden he opens his coat and pulls out this giant frickin salami takes a bite yells Frick yells loud as possible while holding up the three footlong salami log and just walks out stumbling was bartending at a family-owned tex-mex place in New Hampshire a co-worker and I were chatting about something on the news and I said yeah at least it's not Russia suddenly from the end of the bar a massive woman with a thick accent yells va HT you say about Russia she then started regaling the entire bar with stories of the Soviet glory days babbling on in a crazy Bond villain accent about how great everything used to be she proceeded to finish her margarita left a $10 on the bar and walked out we then noticed that she'd all over the stool we ended up throwing away the stool I worked in a very high volume cocktail bar one night around Christmas there was a DJ playing pumping big-band swing this was in the UK so everyone was frickin annihilated there was this really hammered dwarf who would repeatedly stagger over to the bar get a bartender to lean all the way over to hear him and then whisper I'm sorry I am a little drunk before exploding with laughter and then staggering back to the dance floor I can't think of crazy-ass stories but this one stands out as one of the funniest scenes I am NOT a bartender but security but this just happened the other night so we are closing up the joint and this crazy lady who has been talking to herself and cursing for the last half hour decides to go into the bathroom she is in there for maybe eight minutes and we are trying to get everyone out so we make her come out she finally leaves the bathroom and this dude gives her a little bit of crap about hogging the one bathroom the ladies room was out of service so we were down to one she proceeds to start screaming every curse word I can't think of it this guy and while she is yelling at him she just starts pee her pants well she finishes pee and we push her out the door and then she comes around knocking on the windows and flipping people off she looks at me blows me a kiss and I bow in return and then she goes back to flipping everyone else off a girl who was with the guy goes what if she's saying I tell her that she is telling me to have a good night but apparently everyone else can go freaked themselves I used to work at a horse racing track the place was over a hundred years old and had all sorts or weird corridors and cheap walls we did Friday night racing and about 5:00 p.m. this guy was already crap faced drinking scotch he offered to slip me $5.00 if I would give him free booze all night yay right law eventually he goes missing and his friend who was a lot more sober and quite nice asks if I've seen him I say no I haven't see him since around 6:00 p.m. and now it's about 9p all of a sudden I hear BAM bang boom an extremely loud commotion coming from the ladies washroom soon followed by a man covered head-to-toe in blood casually walking out of the bathroom trying to act as nonchalant as possible like nothing happened the whole bar wasn't staring at him turns out the guy had found a place where there was some construction in a restricted area and was climbing around in the walls and eventually found the ladies room where we suspect he was watching women pee a support beam must have gave way or he just slipped he must have fell at least 20 feet through all sorts of wood metals wires and then into a bathroom stall the average age of a women customer in my bar was at least mid-50s so I hope he had fun and yes he was apprehended by security and arrested you don't know that maybe he was watching them poop bartending at an Indian restaurant just outside of DC big bar not many people ever come to the actual bar simply go straight to dinner but one woman sits at the bar and looks at our appetizer menu she asks if there's anything that isn't spicy because apparently she had just come from surgery where a portion of her tongue was removed I pointed out the most bland thing and put in an order while she ordered a vodka tonic when the order comes out she eats a few bites and proceeds to sweat profusely she runs to the bathroom repeatedly and is freaking out all the while asking for multiple vodka tonics after our owner came out and apologized he offered to take chicken and have it cooked in bland yogurt he gave her the drinks for free and the specially made chicken as well she then freaked out a little further when he left saying she would take it and feed it to her dog and asked for one more vodka tonic before she left by the she was seriously crazy or deviously smart who comes to an Indian restaurant after having a portion of your tongue removed and sensitivity to spices if my tongue was really sensitive vodka tonic is not what I would be drinking I've been raised in the hospitality industry in Australia my family have owned and run hotels and bars since well before I was born needless to say I have seen some pretty incredible crap in my time but by far the best was watching my mother all five feet seven inches of her come out from behind the bar to grab two brawling by kids by their beds twist the hair in her fists till their eyes watered and they stopped punching on and then demand that the age took a bar stool and sit in opposite corners of the bar or she would and I quote directly give them a frickin hiding that their mothers would be proud to witness at this point I'm figuring that I'll be burying my mother the next day unless I do something so I grabbed hold of the baseball bat we keep under the bar and go to launch myself over the counter when to the surprise of everyone in the pub these hard got by keys do exactly as they're told and don't move until my mother tells them to get a get a get a get a get a get a get a get a get a get a get it from that day on what I never stepped on the wrong side of the old girl again till that Aussie mothers are not to be flicked with I used to be a cut girl when I was in university so I had to put up with some huge creeps who thought I liked being hit on by old men the worst was during a tournament that was put on for police officers not sure what a vision league was one jack but totally crossed the line I usually drive by and ask the golfers if I could get them anything and one cop said yeh a [ __ ] I was so furious that I snapped well I'm sure one of your buddies wouldn't mind doing that for you and drove off I told the other Kart girls to avoid them for the rest of the day don't pee off the people who are getting you drinks I've been at my bar for about five years now it's a little dive bar in Sacramento CA we sling some great drinks and have a blast about a year after I had started working there I was about 20 to 3 good-looking girls come into the bar and sit down all three of them will probably at least two solid seven after about 3-4 rounds they stopped talking about backdoor riding with their significant others it was almost a stereotypical conversation one girl tried it and hated it one girl was still uneasy about it and the last well she loved it loved it so much that she told this story about how her and her dude were in Macy's after some afternoon delight I was pouring a draft beer at the time trying my hardest not to make it blatantly obvious that I was listening to every word they were saying the story went on about how they were downstairs of Macy's when the girl had to let out a little fart well as she went to let out her fart cm came out of her butt so much that she had to rush to the bathroom my efforts to be sneaky about not listening to what they were saying failed when I dropped the three-stroke 4 full glass of beer on the ground and spraying tap beer all over the place from dying of laughter to this day the story has burnt a hole in my soul I'm sorry boss this girl farted cm I could help it I now manage a bar right outside DC where I bought ended for at least five years some of these didn't happen to me personally but to a co-worker one naked man comes in asks for drink the bartender calls the police police come cuff him wrap him in newspaper because he has shat himself and carry him away to our 18 year old fresh-faced busser still has braces gets a bj in the bathroom at our closed holiday party by 50-something semi-regular who somehow managed to get in three times in the next week she comes in saying set those me money the last time she came in she brought a dude who was obviously her pimp a veiled threat since you I ban her then next time I see her three semi-regular drops a bag with a good amount of herb in it once we close a server finds it and puts it in the safe for me guy comes back the next day wondering if um anyone found you know anything on the ground we respond when we can't tell you if we found it unless you tell us what it is he shakes his head and leaves for guy tries to get Servers attention by poking her with a fingernail file draws blood bartender boots him with extreme prejudice guy comes back later that weekend the same bartender was working bartender asks him what the frick he thinks he's doing there and guy rears back and pokes the bartender in the eye as hard as he can not a he tried to hit him but accidentally poked him poke but I'm gonna poke you in the eye like I've done this 1,000 times before poke apparently eye poking is all in the elbow cops caught him off and server and bartender eventually testify against him in court five pack of dope on a center and try to order everything we specifically don't carry because we try to keep the frat guys sorority girls out flavored vodkas jija Meister energy drinks it is of beer etc they finally settle on Long Island iced teas bartender eventually cuts them off because they are wooing so loudly it's driving out everyone except the lurchers probable diddlers Becky flips out and demands another late she's so drunk she doesn't notice the bartender fill up a glass out of the rims compartment of the sink squirts a little coke on top and charged her nine dollars for it she gladly pays down to the sink water and leaves six bartender shatters a pint glass and manages to get multiple cuts on both hands there's no backup and it's too many cups for band-aids he puts latex gloves on duct tapes them around his wrists and bottoms with the gloves slowly filling with blood for a couple of hours I've also been punched in the face but that story is no fun I had a brief stint as a bouncer at the little bear up in evergreen company one night the band is getting the crowd all worked up and some ladies get up to dance with the band I suppose they're feeling confident and start a striptease chicken tornament well all but one leave the stage after baring their breasts that one gets completely nude and is dancing for about ten minutes of course this is against health code and that's trouble good that crowd was honoree and I wasn't about to get in the middle of that mess and stop the fun had a nice view on the balcony to of course afterwards the other guys were telling all sorts of outrageous stories we got yelled at the next day but not one flick was given once a guy tipped me with a coupon for Mik Dix and that was awesome but a major thing that I've had to deal with it people stealing crap from the club I work and when they think I'm not looking one of my co-workers had previously beat up a patron for attempting to steal a tip jar he was just like I honestly didn't even think about it I just went for him that's our livelihood so what happened a few months later as I'm working the bar on a busy night and my tip jars are full and I'm watching them like a hawk what do I see some butthole trying to take one my coworker was totally right about acting before thinking because before the guy even knew it I had squirrel monkey over the bar and grabbed the sky I had my tip jar and was just going at him until the bouncers came and took over I'm sorry but there was at least $100 in that tip jar and I cannot afford to lose that I am a 5 feet 3 120 pounds girl bTW yes I felt like a badess my boss kept a tip bag out of sight behind the counter to put him the money from the actual tip jars into she would empty them out after about $50 not me but a guy I know worked as a bartender a some hit place one night a bunch of obviously underage drunk girls walk into the bar however this is Louisiana so they are allowed alcohol no problem this one girl starts hitting on this guy the whole night talking about how if she didn't have a boyfriend she would totally bang him you know the usual drunk girl spiel Anejo this girl proceeds to get completely inebriated and starts making moves on this guy at this point the boyfriend has showed up some meathead looking douche and starts getting pee at her if they get in a huge fight and the dude storms out of the bar she turns to the bartender and says well since I am about to break up with him what I say we hook up the guy says he's is working and can leave the bar so in her full stealth mode she slips behind the bar and gives him head while he is serving drinks they have been dating for two years now and have a kid together all I can think about is what they are going to tell the kid when he asks how they met I used to work at a real down south redneck bar called Harold's Corral in Cave Creek as the regulars that would come and were generally pretty nice and even with a large amount of Hell's Angels bikers coming in and the occasional fight it was actually pretty tame one Saturday night there was an absolute prick sitting at the bar he was in his late 50s and all night he was hitting on the young under-18 food runners and bar backs and just being a general nuisance the situation only got worse later on that night when he was properly wasted off his frickin but I only noticed that he was crap faced when he got off well fell off his stool to go to the bathroom usually in these situations the best thing to do is just stop serving him and let him find his way home regardless I didn't really care all too much because I just got to go home early I walked outside the front door where there was an outdoor patio area and the parking lot for the bar I lit up a cigarette and was checking out a sweet yellow testa Rossa parked right at the entrance when out of frickin nowhere the drunk bastard from the bar keys in hand trips falls and smacks his face on the driver's side door of the Ferrari a broken nose blood everywhere and dirt and rocks all over his face it turned out it was actually his Ferrari and the owners of the bar knew him by name so here's where it gets even funnier the owners bouncer and some people who just saw the incident are helping him I see my manager calling his wife to come pick him up five minutes later and he's in his wife's minivan going home to the kids ninety night TL DR drunk idiot Fassa plants into his Ferrari and gets his wife to come pick him up I work in fine dining you know the guy with the vest and the Garter that's me so I have a rich car loan at the bar that has run up a $700 tab meanwhile two scumbag Steve's I mean as ghetto looking as white boys and look walk into my bar and asked what cognacs we have I give them the list and he said we'll have two shots of this pointing to the Louise I asked if he realizes that the stuff costs one hundred and fifty dollars an ounce dude says yeah man ain't crap alright then shorts are one one stroke two ounces fast forward ten minutes and three rounds in there tab is $1,200 remember the guy sitting alone H is making fun of them the whole time these dudes proceeded to pay me in cash and gave me a whopping $5 tip then the rich guy that was sitting alone decides to pay his credit card is denied dude runs out the bar as soon as my back is turned TL DR scumbags come in paper and plastic sorry I forgot to include the fact that I had to pay the house 3.5% of my total sales every night kind of like a hairstylist the people I worked for at the time gave not one fricking the lack of tip is always deemed lack of service the set up I am a straight male bartender and the other guy working with me behind the bar was a flamboyant league a friend of mine we worked at a bar down by the waterfront of Toronto and every summer there's a festival called Caribana that goes on down there the whole Caribbean community from the city and a lot of visitors from the states come up to celebrate and I don't have to tell you that not everyone in the Caribbean community is very friendly to gay people anyways at some point in the evening my buddy is serving this giant guy who clearly has a problem with him he takes a sip of his drink and flips out about how the eff doesn't know how to pour a rum and coke and he's chancing him on the run and starts tossing out a bunch of slurs to put it in prospective this man who is now flipping right the freak out is bigger than most of our security and if it comes down to it there will be a huge fight with him and his friends to break up the situation as soon as things start to get heated I step in and tell the man I'll take care of him so I grab a training bottle from the back of our bar a 20-6 offer um that is actually filled with water to practice free pause and stuff if you need to and start long pouring him rum and cokes I'd be sure to squeeze in at least two lines to try and mask the taste of a watered-down coke and hand it over ratio 3 stroke for once water topped with coke equals $6.75 I joked around with him a little bit and he came back about 6 times he even started to act a little drunken would tip me but here's the best part I wasn't actually using any alcohol off my rail so every time he would come back I would simulate punching in his order and pocket the $6 and 75 cents plus tip at the end of the night when my friend and I talked about it he thanked me for trying to calm this guy down but said we probably should have went the security route instead I handed him 36 bucks we Huglin remain brothers not in a gay way just in I wanna say hey way TL DR gave homophobic man straight coke with a little water in it told him it was run and coke made 36 bucks by pocketing all the money every time he came back up vote for awesome story and Flight of the Conchords reference I was bartending in a sports bar when a customers started getting rather unruly he was shouting loudly and crudely at women and pushing his friends around when they tried to control him the owner of the bar my boss came up to him and asked him to leave the customer was probably six feet four inches 230 pounds and my boss is a 5 feet 4 inches one hundred and fifty pounds Korean dude in his 40s with a bad temper the big guy tells him to go freak himself while his smaller friend is infront of him holding him back my boss jumps up and roundhouse kicks the guy in the face over his friends head guy drops like a rock and everyone is stunned guy's friends pick him up and they leave cops eventually come but don't give a crap Korean business owners are not to be flicked with I'm a bartender in a college town and have a lot of ridiculous stories but this one takes the cake my college considered a football school and when people tailgate they go hard like waking up at 4:30 a.m. to shotgun beer hard by the time the game is over a 3 p.m. most people are just crap faced the bar I work at also serves Mexican food making it's popular for said wasted folk one Saturday evening in the middle of the de Mirage a group of drunk 30 or 40 something's come in to order drinks the ladies flirt with the male bartenders I'm female drink their margaritas then go on to a different bar nothing crazy a few hours later I find a knit on the floor and it happened to belong to one of those women so we put it in the bar drawer in case she came back for it a couple hours passed before one of the ladies not the one who said we found come staggering back into the bar demanding to know way her friend is she is borderline hysterical and starting to cause a scene so the male bartenders try to take her aside and calm her down while I take care of making drinks suddenly one of the guys starts yelling at the woman who is now trying to swing at him he turned all of the lights off seemed that everyone to get out and continued to reason with this woman while other bartender and I close-up tabs and get people out cops were called and some guy a husband I think dragged her out of the bar turns out the woman came in because her friend said she had gone back to get her in and when she asked for it the two male bartenders took her downstairs to the office to get it and proceeded to gang to butch her in the office in reality the friends never came back to the bar at all just completely made love this bull story filled no reason other than she was blackout drunk remember these women are around 40 years old two days later the friend came in sober to see if she left her aid there but had no recollection of the event what in the frig accusing people of rape has seriously freaked up their lives could have been changed forever because of one dumb drunk B I'm glad it was blown off due to obviously being fake but God dang I had a customer who asked me to be his permanent mistress as his wife is chronically ill he offered to buy me a house and a car and pay all the bills as long as I gave him a boy child err true story I said no but thanks equals good girl Gina has a chance to dig gold doesn't not my story but the story of my 60 year old coworker this guy I work with is very quiet but friendly everyone loves him and comes to see him serving drinks this man is old enough to retire but chooses to stay because he loves what he does one night this man gets too drunk and starts calling him names bartender remains not at all fazed finally the man calls the bartender's mother @w in one freaking leap the bartender jumps about five feet into the air and on top of the bar no hands he used his frickin 60-year old legs he then jumps off the bar and says to the drunk man you can call me old you can call me ugly but don't you ever talk about my mother that way now get out we never saw that drunk man again my guess is he went to therapy after realizing he confronted old Superman in a bar I am not buying the jumping onto the bar without using his hands part but a good story otherwise sounds like a cool old dude : not my story but I worked at the restaurant where this happened frequently minor celebrities will come eat dinner at this restaurant one night a particular older brunette bimbo comes in she's going through a divorce and is in to have a good time she starts drinking and attempts to French the Guayana makes a fool of herself of course she precedes to get more drunk it's past closing and she has fallen asleep in one of the booths the bartender and the owner drive her home upon opening her door to get her inside her five little yappy dogs run out the door and into the dark the bartender starts laughing and so does the owner they end up dropping the lady and chasing the dogs down for her she gave the bartender a $200 tip I had this regular customer in a little town bar who is sort of a sad sack 45 years old lives with his mom and dad still is probably functionally [ __ ] as far as his IQ goes anyway one stormy night he comes wandering in and tells me it's his birthday I'm said his mom let me use her car since it's my birthday so I know that Doug hasn't had a license in years and his mom is a legendary butthole and therefore this was a Bulls story he goes in the men's room and leaves me alone with one other customer next thing I know the door slams open and there stands Doug's elderly psycho mother in a housecoat curlers slippers and a parka she is rain-soaked and starts screeching at me me because her son stole her car to go drinking the lightning outside is flashing wedding Hermann Arkell frame in the doorway her voices as loud as a bullhorn the lone dude in the bar and I were slack-jawed it was like a bad movie Doug was now hiding in the men's room and pretending not to hear me screaming at him to come out and deal with his mother he stayed in there for easily five minutes more while his mother ripped me in butthole I finally had to threaten the old bag with the police to calm her down the whole thing was like a David Lynch movie I had a regular he had had a tracheotomy and wore a scarf to cover the hole in his throat he spoke with a voice box or as the other patrons called it the cancer kazoo he was a really nice guy and smart too he drank paulinha wasps with a lemon we served them properly with a tall one stroke two litre glasses he was a large man and could drink seven or eight before showing signs of drunkenness and that of course is when the fun started the first sign was he would quiet down for a while I was often amazed at the power of his voice box his battery that dude could talk then he would start to lecture me about my smoking this was in the early 90s when you could smoke in bars and then I would start to ignore him I learned soon enough that if I ignored him long enough he would leave it was time for him to go anyway because he was drunk and he was easier to ignore because of the limited volume capacity of his voice box then one day after he was drunk and I had begun the not-so-subtle step of ignoring him to make him go away I hear this loud buzzer it sounded like a frigging Cal getting electroshock therapy I look down the bar at the direction of the sound and there is my friend wearing the biggest goddamned crappy tin grin you have ever seen he had gotten a new voice box this one had a buzzer a very frickin annoying buzzer I had to actually start cutting him off when he used it because he was in fact quite drunk and ignoring him was no longer an option but fortunately I moved on to a career in my field of study shortly after this so only had to suffer the sound for a few weeks I respect bartending as a legitimate career I apologize for the misstatement because I do so very much love good tenders and they have my utmost respect cancer kazoo I worked on a hotel bar most weekends usually covering weddings and the huge ballroom a story that sticks in my mind is the groom getting plastered drunk until we have to cut him off should he make a fool of himself on his wedding day night he comes up to order a drink and slurs out an order for two beers I say he can't have any more he says Frick this I don't need this crap and bails out of the ballroom he was caught fricking one of the waiters up the butt in the disabled restroom about 15 minutes later the kicker the waiter was a very very gay man read the first line as I horde you have been visited by the source chihuahua he will be blessed with good posture but only a few comments simmer well Papa simmer well papa like and subscribe you magnificent person

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 93,909

Rating: 4.8244972 out of 5

Keywords: behind the mahogany, mahogany, mahogany sessions, mahogany rush, bartender, bartender tricks, crazy bar stories, bartenders, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap

Id: 32-T90ThFQw

Length: 45min 37sec (2737 seconds)

Published: Thu May 07 2020