"What was once a gift became leverage": The concept of lovebombing

[Music] hey guys what's up and welcome back to my channel so if you've been here for a while you'll know that I do like clowning on cosmopolitan because it's just trash I'm not really gonna be clowning on them like I usually do I actually came across this story or like this first-hand account of a relationship that started really well and then the person ended up being Loki terrible as much as I don't want people to have terrible experiences I find it very interesting to read about those terrible experiences because I think there's something to be gained from seeing you know what happens with other people so you can then spot your own red flags I might make a jab at cosmopolitan here and there but the person who had to deal with this went through some [ __ ] so we're not making fun of them before we get into this video a quick thank you to our sponsor Ana Luiza jewelry ana Luiza is all about environmental consciousness sustainability and quality in fact since cheap breakable jewelry is rarely recycled it's a huge waste for the environment for this reason and Luis's products come from the same jewelers as Tiffany's and we've eaten on top of this Ana Luiza offers a complimentary one-year warranty on every purchase as of right now Ana Luiza is running an exclusive sale for Black Friday where you can get up to 25% off and the link will be included in the description as you guys can see I'm wearing 3 gold necklaces that all come from Ana Luiza I like stacking necklaces you guys might have noticed that I tend to stack them mainly because I like dainty little pieces that you can add up and especially because I wear all black tendentially it's a nice way to change things up without having to really put in all that much effort or all that much work it's just simple and pretty thank you again to Ana Luiza jewelry for sponsoring this video all right so this story is titled my love life was like an IRL rom-com until I had to call the police on my love bombing ex now if you're anything like me you don't even know what the hell love bombing is so we're gonna find out I'm a sucker for a rom-com that moment went when Randall Park asks to hold Allie Wong's purse on the red carpet and always be my maybe or into all the boys I've loved before when Noah Santonio asks Lana Condor if she's still in love with that bunny there wanna be I live for that [ __ ] IRL not so much a month or so after I had moved out and ended my two-year relationship I came home to find an envelope slipped under my door my ex-boyfriend had written me a love note and included a ticket for the observation deck at the top of the Empire State Building for 10 p.m. that Friday total Peter Kavinsky move right ya know it was more like a continuation of the manipulation Jack had been deploying since the beginning of our relationship I don't know if I'm just out of touch or if I'm not watching the right movies but I'm not getting any of these references like I don't know if I'm stuck in my 90's rom-coms because those are the ones I enjoy but I have no [ __ ] clue what any of this is referring to so that's cool you know all the things you do when you first start dating someone to ply that by a thousand 587 give or take I'm talking compliments affection attention over-the-top dates and expensive gifts he constantly told me I was the most beautiful woman in the world he started calling in sick to work regularly in order to spend the whole day with me he'd casually drop hundreds of dollars on dinners and drinks for my birthday just a couple of months in he bought me a first edition of my favorite book as a child The Secret Garden and had it professionally restored which he gave me while we were on an overseas vacation after the private dinner on the beach flanked by rose petals very subtle stuff here then once I was hooked he flipped what was once the gift became leverage what have you ever given me Kathleen he demand comparing the amount he'd spent on me to what I with my considerably smaller budget had spent on him if he thought I had taken too long to text him back wasn't giving him enough physical attention or wasn't in the mood for sex he punished me by freezing me out once he made me sleep on the couch for a week after I participated in a group hug at a New Year's Eve party so I don't necessarily want to blame Kathleen because when you're in a relationship it can sometimes be really hard to notice what's toxic especially once they're kind of used to someone doing that to you I'm speaking from experience sometimes you need someone outside to be like that's not [ __ ] normal to kind of wake up so I'm not blaming her that being said I would be so overwhelmed if someone were so just over the top I feel like especially when you begin dating someone and this might just be my perspective you guys can let me know down below I feel like I'm very much on edge mainly because it's anxiety inducing I never really enjoy dating because of the anxiety it gave me but I feel like I would be really freaked out if someone and became it's so kind of attached and like was being so over the top it would just stress me the [ __ ] out because it would feel like they're maybe taking it a little bit too seriously compared to me I don't know I guess if both people are that intense maybe it would work but if it's just one person I feel like they're just gonna freak the other person out over the next two years a pattern emerged one day he would plan an elaborate date full of meaningful romantic moments the next he will go through my phone and accuse me of lying to him about everything for my sexual history to my anxiety disorder one day I was the love of his life the next he was threatening to kick me out of our apartment according to experts Jack's extravagant declarations and gifts at the start of our relationship is textbook love-bombing Ramani Durvasula PhD an expert on narcissism and relationships as love bombing happens when everything happens too fast like immediately spending every moment together texting non-stop or going on elaborate vacations way too soon a love bummer might say I've never felt a connection like this with anyone which is manipulative because it's heavy-handed Virginia Gilbert a psychotherapist specializing in sex and love addiction says love bombing is often accompanied by other manipulation techniques like gas lighting where a person makes you doubt your own reality Jack for example would sometimes insist I've been lying to him offering up evidence that proved I was deceitful eventually he would say well this is my perception of reality and it's just as real as yours how can you say your reality is right and mine is wrong sometimes it was just easier to apologize so we could move on other times I really started to doubt my own memory I never wanted to invalidate his feelings so I always tried to see things from his perspective which soon became the only perspective that mattered but I still loved him and truly believed he loved me it's hard to tell whether his Empire State Building move was just more manipulation or if it was a sincere gesture of love I mean if I were I don't know Rachel McAdams I would have gone to the Empire State Building to meet him and then we'd probably get engaged while tourists applauded that's so cute friends who didn't know the details would say when I told him about the note but it was not cute my ex-boyfriend had taken an uber to my apartment where I lived alone and slipped an emotional ultimatum under my door while I was inside yikes the amount of red flags here the thing about gas lighting that [ __ ] me up and this is a personal note so I'm not saying it applies to everyone but I know that because of my panic disorder I sometimes can kind of give in to certain delusions like not entirely like I'll still be aware I'm being irrational but I'll have delusions and so I feel like especially if you have an issue like that I don't know how it would be with her anxiety disorder but just thinking of me with my panic disorder I feel like if someone really wanted to take advantage of me they probably could in some ways get away with if they learned how to get around my mental illness because I feel like self-doubt is the thing I already deal with so I don't know if that's something she deals with but I feel like that makes a lot scarier because it is very scary to feel like you're losing your grasp on reality I've had that happen to me and it sends me into full swing panic because you know if you don't understand or if you can't have a grasp on reality it's almost like everything you think you know you don't know and it's just disgusting when someone tries to manipulate that and make you feel like everything you thought was wrong I don't know that just gives me anxiety to think about I didn't go to the interstate building but he didn't stop he sent me texts emails Instagram DMS wherever I hadn't blocked him calling me heartless and a [ __ ] and offering vague threats including suicide eventually about three weeks later he showed up at my apartment drunk at 4 a.m. I let him in and at one point must have nodded off I woke to find he went through my phone and so I was dating someone new he exploded and seized the pillow which had of course come from the apartment we used to share a man has slept on my pillow he shrieked stealing the pillow and spitting his gum onto my floor for emphasis before storming out a few days later I came home to several boxes barricading my front door they contained six pillows sent by Jack in apology that's why I called the police okay that is actually terrifying first of all I do think that there's something of like really creepy about someone trying to reach you on all platforms and I know I might sound a little bit ridiculous because you can be like just delete the message just don't read it but I feel like it would give me a sensation of anxiety to feel almost like someone was stalking me but online so trying to get to you no matter what even if it you've made it clear that you don't want to have anything to do with them this person just ticks all the red flags for me especially because there were so many red flags with the whole thing of like I got you this and you didn't get me that kind of treating gifts like transactions or like love as transactions two officers came and took down the details of what had happened and a report was filed I was also given the number of a social worker who encouraged me to reach out with any questions or concerns and told me I could file for a restraining order at any time even though he had not physically assaulted me because he had been an intimate partner Jack never came back to my apartment but I won't lie and say he stopped trying to win me back I can't even tell you I wasn't once or twice tempted to let him back into my life to rustlers says four people burned out by potential romantic partners ghosting after a couple of dates are waiting weeks to text back the promise of unlimited attention can be intoxicating the important thing is to recognize the manipulation for what it is if the person you're dating seems larger than life or it feels like the relationship is moving at hyperspeed those are troubling signs and could be a reason to step back Gilbert knows so thankfully I've never been in a specific love-bombing situation I've had some similar stuff happen but not to this extent thank God but this is so creepy to me I don't know what it is about partners who show up in the middle of the night or who are persistently showing up like physically coming to where you live it scares the [ __ ] out of me like as much as getting all these emails Instagram DMS whatever might be overwhelming the idea that someone does not see the boundary breaking of just showing up at your place consistently when you've said no that scares the [ __ ] out of me because as much as like I said DMS and all that can be annoying breaking the physical boundary and just showing up to me makes it like they don't really understand at all that what they're doing is first of all terrifying but second of all just completely inappropriate anyway these guys I hope you enjoy this video I found the story interesting let me know if you guys have ever been loved bombed or if you'd even heard of the term because I know I hadn't thank you guys so much for watching thank you to my patrons as always please remember to check out Annaliza jewelry if you are so inclined the link is in the description down below thank you guys so much for watching [Music] [Music]

Channel: READY TO GLARE

Views: 268,359

Rating: 4.9685354 out of 5

Keywords: ana luisa jewelry, ana luisa, ana luisa jewelry review, ana luisa necklace, cosmopolitan, love bombing, love bombing signs, relationship problems

Id: 1xp4pMmdKZs

Length: 11min 42sec (702 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 02 2019