What the HELL is Cargo? (A Shameless Pixar Rip-off)

you better say yes cuz we never ever never ever ever never ever ever ever hear the warden go [Music] so we have been going down the rabbit hole and have witnessed some horrendous bits of animation awful films that are truly the bottom of the barrel funny enough though before I started to review these garbage films I had a bit of a collection in my closet movies that people have sent to my PO Box and there's one in particular that has really caught my attention cargo so my friends and I tried to watch this back in November but we gave up after 20 minutes the movie itself is just so boring I mean there's plenty of terrible things to laugh at in this film but there were moments where the characters just sit on the screen and talk back and forth to one another like some kind of terrible sitcom now that's not to say that there aren't some hilariously bad moments in this movie trust me it has them Jake's car so brilliant was that cool more more alright let's go over my five bullet points story like I said it's boring but somewhat original I was expecting to rip off cars really bad but they had some unique elements to it but I can't stress this enough it really slows down at times When I was your age I was in love with Greta carbo and I wanted to be Sean Connery the voice acting the majority of it is pretty good but it definitely has its bad parts dialogue again not too bad but there are moments where it gets really slow and really awkward kappa gale don't be silly don't you care that I care sure I care that you care but I don't care to see you incarcerated that's so sweet wait a minute I'm not saying that I care the way that you cared it's just that young love editing it's not terrible I mean at least we can hear the characters but there are moments that could have been cut down and editing that dragged on for way too long [Music] animation now this is where the movie strikes out bad textures low quality copy paste copy paste copy paste and movement and lip-syncing that are just way off the chart like you can try to ignore it but good luck survive that's the keyword this is too dangerous that's the point cabs alright so I tried to look into the origin of this film first off I wanted to find out when it was made for all I know it could have been made back in the early 2000s which is somewhat of a soft excuse for a movie Leo the Lion and Joshua and the Promised Land were made back in 2004 so the technology at the time was still limited I mean hey for all I know cargo was made back in 2000 and whoa this movie was made in 2017 you don't have an excuse you're either cheap lazy or both oh okay so the folks behind this film are Gordon and James Colin basic Gordon has worked as a writer on Animaniacs and Pinky and the brain so the movie has that going for it James though has worked as a producer writer and director for a bunch of movies I have never heard of now that doesn't mean the movies are inherently bad but uh yeah we got some good voice actors though Ed Asner Haley Joel Osment Melissa Joan Hart and Jay from Jay and Silent Bob the biggest problem I see here is the production company for the film and that's the asylum they are notorious for ripping off films and riding the coattails of successful movies some of my favorites include Atlantic Rim Independence Day and Izzy's way home your spots keep getting bigger and bigger and you know it's bad when the owner of the company refuses to share their identity all right whatever what kind of ratings are we dealing with on IMDB we got a 6.2 Wow that's kind of high wait wrong film all right so here it is 7.6 and Martin Freeman's in this movie ah damn it wrong movie again dammit dammit dammit why are there so many cargo movies okay finally here it is a three point nine on IMDB and a twenty percent on Rotten Tomatoes oh that's a bit more realistic alright so before we begin I want to talk about the trailers for this movie they were part of the DVD I was watching and they were just so bad look I thought that South Park was joking when they did their Rob Schneider trailers but the trailers for these asylum films are actually that way you're all about humans some work on the trolls we'll discover it's time for a change he's about to become carry first we got Izzy's way home which is a complete ripoff of Finding Nemo and the way to the trailer end was so abrupt and obnoxious is these way home we got troll land which just looks terrible like I think they're trying to pay homage to Lord of the Rings with this scene but it just looks bad it's time for a change it's time for a change and then we got this dog movie which is like a combination of home alone meets Air Bud and this scene in the trailer does not make any sense the tire rolls one way and the guy goes the other oh God this company just makes bad movies speaking of which here's the intro we got ourselves a song already [Music] [Applause] the first thing you notice is the animation and how when the cars talk their entire body moves with the case of the car like the windows go up the eyes go up everything moves with the mouth and it looks really distracting and there are also other parts of the car that jiggle alongside with it Danny Budd the old pukey routine is your best bet now of course I don't expect you to perform at the skill of yours truly so we made our main character Danny who is in school taking a pop quiz one that he did not study for so he's trying to think of a way to get out of the quiz surprise quiz I didn't study Oh Danny carbuncles super a student didn't study a car after my own heart oh hold on what's that in the background is that a sex toy there will be no dildos in this classroom you fail it you're only the best student in school cabig a cab Gail brilliant idea tell me VIN when you're in juvenile detention garage would you rather work in the laundry or make license please I gotta say it again the lip-synching in this movie is just awful and what's with the tires one's going one speed while the other is just stalling you fail it you're only the best student in school in order to get out of the quiz Danny throws up his vomit oil [Music] you better go to the nurse though they're not actually going to the nurse's office and go to some Street race instead yeah God another song it's gonna be one of those kinds of movies isn't it did did he say so Danny and his friend show up to the race where the growly car is hanging out why did the camera spin was this supposed to WoW me all over okay so this cop is one of my favorite characters besides his mop moustache he can't stop saying pull over like seriously he says that throughout the entire movie [Applause] wait a second look at the ramp it would go right into the trash can yeah whatever we then meet Danny's dad who is voiced by Ed Asner hi I'm Ed Asner Danny what are you doing home I didn't feel well so I came home okay so is this oil pee or vomit because it's come out of both ends at this point what do you do when you've got a kid that's the result of everything you did another song and Danny's dad looks really strange doing this one he's just keeping his mouth open with his teeth gritting him - were teaching the skin don't read a jerk always big bill they really had to change the pitch of Ed Asner in this song the bottles on the streets of life and one day be the man cuz that didn't get a watch open your mouth and say ah that's not his mouth but hey it could have been worse could have been his tailpipe maybe you should come to my garage with me hold on how is he holding that thermometer no one in speaking of which how do cars have kids and I'm asking you to Pixar don't think that you're completely free from this illogical world I hated that movie it was just too unrealistic a tornado full of cars are you serious that poster actually says car Nadeau and for those who don't know the asylum owns that movie that's not you Danny you wouldn't say that the grounds kind of glitching out there so Danny decides to sneak out of his house and go do another race in the city well kept you boys I was getting worried you should worry you should worry a lot Bing she's playing dirty so Irwin whoa that's cheating you just straight-up attacked that guy ah there is the best character in the movie street racing is illegal what are you gonna do to us names and pink slips Vin Diesel Danny carbuncle what were those things just hanging out in your mouth I seriously don't understand the biology of these cars or the mechanics or whatever they are I'm gonna let you kids off with a warning you're lucky I know your father he's got a good engine on his shoulders that's not where engines are which you know by the way you guys don't even have shoulders you don't remember what it's like to be a kid to have fun to take risks I'll never be a stupid mechanic I'll be something cool like a race car if you don't get that vote out of my face bit so Danny's dad is hauling him back home and the other guy crashes into him [Music] no no where's my dad they took him to ICU what's that intensive car unit I'm sorry what he's been totaled totaled yes he's on his way to clunker island in the morning clunker island all right so this parts kind of interesting so when the car is totaled or dies in their world they go to clunker island and have their parts harvested that's like we taking people who are dying send them to a place called corpse Island where we then harvest their organs god this movie is really dark next I think I just need more tank I think we've got another one for clunker Island oh really just a point like really really dark I can't help but think of The Brave Little Toaster with a junkyard scene all right so try to follow me on this next part because it's a doozy so cabig Al and Danny have the idea to get banged up and look trashy so they can go to clunker Island but they showed up to the ferry and the guys like you guys are way too young for clunker island so Danny said we should go get banged up at the demolition derby that way the guy thinks that were old but the bouncer won't let the men so they then go across the street to the theatre so they can go in disguise they go back to the bouncer who says if you all want to get in this badly go ahead I knew your plan the entire time look kids I'm not buying it for a second youse guys are just wearing some costumes no we're not yes you are I heard your plan like an hour ago so that makes that entire scene at the theater completely useless besides some stupid car puns that just won't stop but fenders do what tires do Jake's car so brilliant and it gets even worse Danny goes to the demolition derby and he wins which completely defeats the purpose of doing anything so far Oh pick up hot line hold on he's stalling is that like the equivalent of a gladiator having a stroke during his battle in a Coliseum pool Oh time out I'm having a heart attack give me a break at least the movies aware of this but it doesn't make up for how stupid it's been so far I wasn't supposed to win the demolition derby I was supposed to get totalled in it oh yeah and then the dawn car shows up I mean look at his stupid hat Romeo shanks car well should I say so Danny makes a deal to raise for the Dons son who was the guy who crashed into his dad and if he loses he goes to clunker Island okay guys I want a clean race all right keep the engines clean the cop literally says pull over before even seeing the guy so the race is over and Danny's going to jail but not before his love interest sings one of the most Awkward songs ever you want to go to juvie I want to go wherever Danny goes you do [Music] dude that's creepy so Danny and cabbie go to jail where they meet one of the most fabulous police officers on the force take them away boys yes sir oh no you guys better put on cruise control because you got a long ride ahead of you turns out that Danny's friend from earlier has also in the slammer so they plan to escape jail so they can go to clunker Island which just so happens to be right next door I'm institutionalized ain't gonna make it on the outside what's she talking about no clue oh come on neither of you have seen the car shank redemption oh my god stop with the puns and what's with the banjo kazooie music [Music] so Danny's friend goes off to distract the cops so that they could escape you don't have to do this VIN we can all escape together there's nothing for me on the outside but Danny you just make sure you save a day my dude you were in there only for a few days so while in the forest they run into some voice who claims to be the spirit of the forest and that he can grant wishes I am the spirit of the forest but I owe three wishes so what do they wish for food of course well I am hungry how about some food what kind you want to get Italian food Ethiopian food could you imagine if the spirit of the forest from Princess Mononoke was saying this do you want to get Italian food Ethiopian food a nice salad burritos so they leave the forest and go through some more trials and tribulations that are completely useless I mean this movie so far has been full of pointless parts the Derby the theatre the jail they could have just disguised themselves and gone to clunker Island but no it's got to be long and drawn-out uh heads heads you get to go on the fairy tales I get to eat you wait what the hell seriously what the hell is this movie okay so they finally make it to clunker Island where they meet some Mad Max car is that say you can never escape though fortunately they make friends with the daughter of the chief why are they strange new cars we were just going to tear them apart that's not okay so Danny finds his dad in a cave put up on blocks they discover that he's missing his parts and that they need to go out to find them get you out of here this team is pathetic he'll be an embarrassment they'll never ever live down for the rest of their miserable lives until they die they'll get torn to pieces ripped to shreds some may even lose control of their bowels by the third inning they'll be pissing and on themselves right in front of their friends and loved ones it's gonna be flat-out terrible you know it makes me wonder why didn't the hospital fix him up at the beginning it doesn't make any sense oh you're feeling sick well off the Corpse island with young this kind of pressure I must confess Wilma dusty road would be just a road of all another song and the style of the Little Mermaid I wanna see wanna see him dancing so Danny and his friends find the majority of the parts but they find out that the last part is in some monster truck that Danny has to fight another song aren't we lucky so the monster truck is defeated and they're able to give the engine and since they have +10 to stealth they were able to sneak off the island with that they go back home and everybody gets some closure Danny's dad said that he's ready to be a mechanic and join him in the shop which you know makes me wonder in this world what's the difference between a mechanic and a doctor because as far as I can tell the doctor is a lot more useless compared to the mechanic and you know this wouldn't be the conclusion without one more song [Music] [Applause] [Music] hey guys I just wanted to give a shout out to my top-tier supporters on patreon toon grin scream flare chad butler maka vo moon doggy illegally sane and julius thank you all so much for your support that was that was a movie wasn't it okay so here are my final thoughts the positives the voice acting was pretty good and the story is okay it's a bit bloated and has plenty of boring unnecessary parts but it wasn't a hundred percent trash the negatives the animation is it's pretty bad not joshua bad but still pretty bad the voice acting never syncs up and the way the bodies move when the characters speak is just weird the backgrounds look pretty half-assed too there are also parts that should have been cut down during editing and dialogue exchanges that were just plain awkward yeah i mean you are cool like i guess wait so which is it am i cool or am i beautiful I mean you are overall this is a bad film now not as bad as Joshua or Leo but still bad and very long and boring I mean kids might like it but even then some of the themes will just go right over their heads like death Island where your body parts are harvested for others to use honestly just don't watch this film it's probably the worst cars ripoff that has ever been made you dare [Music] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: Saberspark

Views: 1,874,011

Rating: 4.9417658 out of 5

Keywords: saberspark, saber, cargo, worst, pixar rip-off, pixar, pixar clone, shamless, what the hell is cargo, what the hell, animation, review, animation review, worst movie

Id: 7L997krZfww

Length: 24min 43sec (1483 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 23 2018