What the HELL is Joshua and the Promised Land? (The WORST Animated Movie Ever)

[Music] [Music] so a few weeks ago I reviewed a movie called Leo the Lion and said it was the worst film on Netflix and possibly one of the worst films ever made I was reading through my comments and somebody said it's not as bad as Joshua on the promise land to which I was like sure man as if there could be a movie that's worse than Leo the law my dad pick up your stuff Joshua oh my god it is so much worse in my Leo the Lion video I criticized it on five things animation story dialogue editing and voice acting and yet Joshua and the Promised Land just completely obliterates Leo the Lion in every category well except for one but just barely and that's on a technicality guys I truly believe this is the worst animated film ever made and I will show you why No no animation what's there to say it is disgusting like the worst part about this movie the characters look terrible with their naked bodies and uncanny valley faces the voices of the characters don't even sync up and to top it all off the movement time and time again I saw these characters glitch through their bodies or move it away that shouldn't be possible body parts freaking out because a character model has having a meltdown voice acting you know I never thought I would look back on Leo the Lion as a positive in hindsight the voice acting in that film is superior in this movie it's just some kid and a few adults who have obviously never voice acted before what am I talking to you myself I didn't hear you I said I understand editing it's the sound mixing I mean it's so bad there are moments where I can't hear the characters talk I mean I don't really want to hear them talk but if you can't even hear them speak then I'm gonna miss out on what's going on we'll just said God ancestor Abraham and now we have to scout it out now so we can plan our invasion dialogue I'm hungry would you mind fetching a quail so we can eat no problem your eminence you can call me Moses Joshua no there it is story okay so this one's weird because the premise comes from the Bible and the Bible has some pretty interesting stories the Prince of Egypt is an incredible movie and is one of my favorite films ever if you've chosen the wrong messenger how can I even speak to these people who made the death the mute the seeing or the blind did not I now go [Music] [Music] I should be with you when you go to the king of Egypt and on the other hand you got this Moses this is what you want to say to the people of Israel you have seen what I did to Egypt oh wait I got another one the Prince of Egypt [Music] and Joshua in the promised land basically what I'm trying to say is that the Bible has plenty of interesting stories and the book of Joshua is no exception yet this movie does the impossible and ruins this story it feels disjointed and all of these other factors like the animation and voice acting do not help the story in the slightest [Music] all right so I did some research and tried to find out about the origin of this film what I discovered was interesting Jim wine is the guy who's responsible for all of this it took this fella four years to make this film he directed it he produced it and he animated it and the final product came out in 2004 now I can already see that some of you might say come on Sabre it took this guy four years to make this all by himself lay off well I don't feel that way what if I took ten years to make a sculpture and the final product looked like this do I get a free pass no you shouldn't if it looks like garbage guess what it looks like garbage no matter how it was done yeah animation is not easy but this guy still sunk all of his time and effort making a film that does not look good and I don't know what his angle was to make money to get popular - praise God - show-off seriously I have no idea but the final product looks like absolute trash I looked at his filmography to see what he's worked on in the past and there's not much he worked on the summoned in 1992 which there's like nothing about Joshua and the Promised Land in 2004 and then something called gorgeous nights in 2011 where he worked on that film as an animator luckily I was able to find this film on YouTube it is uh it's pretty bad [Music] within a 3-mile radius engaging hostiles video incoming you would think after 11 years Jim Lyon would be a better animator nope he still sucks also the credit sequence from this film does not make any sense are they playing tic-tac-toe bingo whose name is for what picture plot to assassinate her orchestrated by the world's most powerful violent vicious human travel okay so let's get back to Joshua on the promised land ah I see a review here on dove org Joshua and the Promised Land comes as a heartwarming tale for the whole family and the tradition of CS Lewis and j.r.r tolkien what the [ __ ] are you talking about now what the [ __ ] you this movie literally shares nothing in common with those films whether it be Narnia or Lord of the Rings nothing and I'm actually quite insulted that they would say that to begin with oh but here's the best part of all the computer-generated animation took over four years to complete and it shows what what do you mean it shows if anything it shows how much of a waste of time it was my friend Tommy Oliver makes better models on his own and it does not take him for years all right let's just try and stomach this movie no mom so we started off with this magnificent company logo and oh my god it's just so beautiful they should have sent a poet and here comes the intro credits with music that reminds me of old school doom and boom there he is the narrator and the guy looks like piglets if he survived a nuclear holocaust oh and check out that wonderful background reminds me of my grandmother's house the Bible tells the story of a young man named Joshua who was strong and full of courage within five seconds I knew I signed my soul away as naked Joshua skips throughout the house and for some reason Jim Lyon thought it would be smart to put scenes that are in the movie later on on the wall in the house as pictures and portraits we are then introduced to Joshua's dad who comes across as a mean drunk I thought you said you were cleaning out the den today I'm sorry I've got other things I've got to do right like tinkering around with that car again hey come on this is my day off this is what I'm gonna do like seriously I thought he was gonna beat his wife well he would just stop spending so much time on that car of yours I wouldn't get so upset so poor Joshua goes up to his room to sleep I guess but we are once again visited by the narrator as you can see Joshua feels kind of lost in the shuffle and he doesn't know where to turn the narrator overall is completely useless and should not be in the movie but what's even weirder is the next character who are you some people call me the best friend but my real name is Christopher Andrew Eugene Bozzio knee at your service but it's okay if you don't like it just call me Chris so this is Joshua's guardian angel or something though he looks like a reject five nights at Freddy's character who got caught in static limbo something I mentioned before but want to bring up again is how the characters model will clip through itself especially while they're trying to sit down you can typically see it in their lower abdomen and armpits so the angel wants to take Joshua on a little trip I don't know my mom will get mad if I'm late for dinner hey I promise that I will have you back in time for dinner I don't know come on you trust me don't you know you trust the guy who sent me don't you dude I literally have no idea who you are affiliated with but it's too late despite Joshua's concerns about being late to dinner the angel grabs him by the arm and takes off which looks kind of painful like the arm comes out of the socket just make sure you don't let go of my hand so they are soaring through this green sky and then warp it into the past which for some reason they use the sound effect from 3d pinball space-cadet well ah they arrive in ancient Egypt and we are told that Moses and the Jews are on the run also we get this wonderful bit of animation where Joshua somehow rotates around the pyramid this movie is full of this stuff though you'll see characters clipping through stuff all the time so that's the Pharaoh who is some kind of cat thing despite having humans and the art behind him but he is too busy dealing with the Jews to care so he Hobbs on his horse and gets major whiplash we then see the presence of God now Joshua is told that the flame is deadly and that he could die if it gets too close to it but for some reason he's like I want to get closer that's the presence of God they are protecting the Hebrews no man can touch it in Hood come on I mean hey maybe he wants to die after watching this movie I want to die too [Music] all right so we arrived at the Jews and the guardian angel says something that's kind of rapey listen Joshua sometimes an O means me I'll grant you that but when it comes from God and no means no capiche capiche you're associating Italian Americans to intimidation tactics also the background is blurred maybe they're trying to create perspective but to me all it does is make it look like they're very small ah and there's Moses you could tell because he's a monkey with a ball sack Chen there's also this wind sound effect but it looks like Moses is the one doing it because he's opening up his mouth now in order for Joshua to continue on this journey he's got to change his appearance which obviously requires him to possess a person just hold your breath a second this isn't gonna hurt what is it are you in any pain yes constantly with that Joshua skips into action and heads across the Red Sea so the Egyptians arrived and charged a cross to kill the Jews but the presence of God has other plans as the fire effect lazily goes across the screen seriously the Prince of Egypt has nothing on this scene [Music] [Applause] so begins the 40 years in the desert as Moses tries to keep the Jews happy so they're all really hungry and irritable it's the middle of the desert so it's not like they can go find the nearest restaurant since Moses is their leader he's the one that had to ask God to feed the people [Music] what in the hell is happening to this poor bird's leg like look at it it's freaking out and why does it look like a pickle when it's cooked I'm hungry would you mind fetching a quail so we can eat you can call me Moses Joshua yes sir Moses with gamma gamma gamma Joshua I want you to pitch your tent next to mine from now on now it's time for a glorious battle scene and who better to lead the forces of God than an eight-year-old boy with zero combat experience also why is the theme from terminator in this movie [Music] all right everybody um let beat these guys so inspiring could you imagine if Aragorn said the same thing during the Black Gate all right everybody let's beat these guys dude battle of the bastards wish it looked this good [Music] also I swear I hear the blue love spongebob in the background so it took me a couple times of watching this movie but this guy throws a spear and hits Joshua like he got hit instantly and here's a highlight reel of some of my favorite moments during this battle just [Music] a reminder this guy is actually eight years old and there he is killing people but after a hard-fought battle the day is won as the bad guys skip off and retreat we then hear a victory cry that goes from hooray - hooray [Applause] so God shows up the next day and Moses and Joshua go up into the mountain to get the Ten Commandments when they get back though they discover that the Jews are worshiping some golden calf and Moses freaks out no Joshua it is not the sound of victory or of defeat that I hear is the sound of singing no no Moses then punish the Jews by making them break down the cow pour the powder into some water and then told them to drink it finally he made all the people who broke the law who drink the water yuck okay that one might be on you Bible Moses thing goes up to the mountain and a lightsaber cuts out him I'm so sorry this is so stupid I kid you not I can't say this without laughing if Melissa's goes up to the mountain and a lightsaber shoots out of the sky and you can actually hear the lightsaber sound effect as it carves out the 10 commandments it's just fantastic [Music] so the Jews finally arrived to the promised land but spoiler alert there's a bunch of bad guys there so Joshua is sent as a spy to go see what's going on it's pretty fantastic because Joshua is one of the best spies ever I mean most spies hide or go in disguise but no not Joshua he just walks right in to Jericho you could see it right there it's on the sign there Jericho in case you were confused but to be fair the people from Jericho are just as dumb I mean this is a race of red horn bulls or something and here you got this lion walk it around never seen him before now he's cool don't worry about it let's get back to sacrificing this baby [Applause] [Music] so Joshua gets back and has a chat with the angel he tells the angel that Jericho is a pretty bad place and does things like adultery they murder they steal they commit adultery what's that oh yeah don't talk about sex but please by all means go back to killing people Joshua and his friend Caleb tell Moses that the land is dangerous but that they can take it because God's on their side but the other Jews disagree and start to stone them right in the face attempts I will ask God for guidance they use that voice recording twice God tells Moses that he and the Jews screwed up and that those who are over 20 cannot go into the Promised Land so that left Joshua in charge and he and the rest of the Jews went to Jericho to go take the city so the narrator enters the movie and talks to Joshua are you for us or for our enemies neither but as commander of the army of the Lord I have now come what message does my lord have for a servant the place where you are standing is holy the plan is for the Jews to loudly go around the city blowing on basically trumpets and do that for about I think it was 12 days but the Red Bulls see them and sound their vuvuzela alarms and prepare for battle as fast as they can but the battle never happens and instead the king gets his royal lazy boy and watches the Jews from his castle it appears to be a ritual to both to the confidence of their troops - what's with the guy in saying s yes sire sir Sizzlers after marching around the city the Jews finally stop and the enemy laughs at them and the clipping of the sound go off the chart so much for that fearsome god of theirs and then the craziest part of this movie happens [Applause] [Applause] so I went to a Christian private school when I was a kid so I know a couple of things about the Bible that being said I have no idea what this red thing is it's just some floating red fiery lion head and it follows Joshua home so Joshua finally returns home and by the way guys check out this poster behind him seriously it's freaking rad I mean a lion on the skateboard all right so it's time for Joshua to say goodbye to his angel and so we see one of the most Awkward hugs in cinematic history [Music] anyway you late for dinner which was not my fault so I gotta go I mean it's not my fault that you're 40 years late to dinner but the devil lion head thing comes back for revenge and Joshua on him have a sword fight a sword fight that is completely useless the lion head just flies into the wall and dies and then turns into a Snickers bar [Music] we see Joshua's parents fighting at the dinner table but Joshua sits down to enjoy his might I add delicious meal and smiles at his parents which makes them all nice for some reason I'm sorry I yelled at you honey it's okay they forgive you I try to spend some more time with you both of you [Music] so this movie was just terrible it strikes out in nearly every category as I showed you the animation is atrocious with horrible designs and movement that constantly clips to itself the voice acting is trash unlike Leo the Lion where the voice actors were just poorly directed here the voice actors are just bad no talent whatsoever the dialogue I take every step Joshua need i say more the story is the only saving grace for this movie and that's because it comes from the bible leo the lion had a worse story but at least it was original here they borrowed from a source and they practically crapped all over it in the bible says that god freed the Jews from slavery but the pharaoh didn't want to let them go he's out there in the desert right now planning to recapture the slaves not a good idea no overall this movie makes Leo the Lion look like an award-winning film there might be some worse films out there but as far as I'm concerned this one is the absolute worst do not watch it ritual sacrifice calling the bear Jew over he's gonna take that Big Daddy is and he's gonna beat your ass to death with it [Music]

Channel: Saberspark

Views: 5,581,367

Keywords: saberspark, saber, joshua and the promised land, worst, worst movie, worst animated movie, review, what the hell, what the hell is joshua and the promised land, animation, worst christian movie

Id: 3syUejwzd3Q

Length: 28min 32sec (1712 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 16 2018