What secret could ruin your life? r/AskReddit | Reddit Jar

throw away time what's your secret that could literally ruin your life if it came out when I was 15 my parents were going through a divorce my mom worked night shifts and my dad was living with a friend of his one night my sister who was 19 at the time came home pretty drunk from a party she was acting goofy and fell on the couch next to me she started grabbing my leg and laughing and we started fondling we ended up having sex right there when we woke up the next day she had no recollection of the night before so I just kept my mouth shut fast-forward to when I'm 18 sister is home from college and dad is over for a visit they get into an argument and in a fit of rage my dad announces how he has never forgiven her for the abortion she got when she was 19 and subsequently killing his grandchild he's very religious Ivan realized the baby she aborted was in fact mine and as far as I know I am the only one who knows since she has never mentioned that night first time telling anyone this this thread is so deep that probably no one will see but if one person does see it it'll feel better I am basically living a lie I told my entire family I was able to transfer out of Community College and into a university but I never finished up the requirements so since I live at home every day instead of going to school I go to the local library and Bs my lies are so extensive I even go to the campus and meet my girlfriend for lunch sometimes I've made fake transcripts to show my family and to make it look like I'm actually studying I go to MIT OpenCourseWare to look up facts that I learned in class that day I have become a remarkable liar I hope to be transferring in the fall and then I look forward to living a normal life coming clean is not an option at this point this is my old account so might as well throw it away while on deployment I killed a man in a coup de Grasse the feelings of taking a man's life always weigh a heavy burden on me every day no one likes hurting people he had been hits by some of our mobile artillery while part of me wanted the bastard to be in pain it wasn't right my medic was busy with my wounded and as the officer on duty I took out my 45 and put one in his head I knew my boys weld and say anything most just watched accepted it as a fact of war and kept walking I remember throwing up afterwards I came home and everyone acted like I was a hero I never felt like more of a sham my entire life two and a half years ago I was in dire financial straits so I sold my home to keep my struggling business afloat I neglected to tell the owners that they have an 800 square ft bunker on the property that I built about seven years ago the bunker that I've called home since I sold it the entrance to it is well hidden but I still come and go very early very late in today I'm a single man who keeps to himself I'm now in a situation where I could move somewhere else but I love this hidden paradise so much cousin died when we were both 17 there was a reception at his house just after the funeral I went into his room and stole all the money that was there took some other valuables that his parents won't realize were gone no one knows that I did it they just assumed he didn't have any money in his room only loose change I don't regret it but I will never admit I did it also my [ __ ] box I once helped out my female friends family by taking care of their cat for a week every day for a week I would go over there and snoop around their house I found my friend's diary and proceeded to read the entire thing I used this information to get her to like me and she is currently my wife this is literally the juiciest secret in this threat for some reason not totally bland but not overly obscene probably because this is something I could actually picture any person doing if given the chance I agree it is not particularly evil but it is a misdeed that completely altered that guy's life honestly it sounds like a pitch for mediocre romantic comedy not ruining my life but my single secret this will get buried but that's fine I was about 23 and was working kind of late my friend wanted to go out and was bugging me about it he's gay I'm not but eventually he talked me into it so we go to a little dive bar and are hanging out just chatting a couple of friends were supposed to come to but they never showed up I was nursing my first gin and tonic when I went to the bathroom I came back and finished my drink and that's when things started getting fuzzy I knew something was wrong so I ordered water for my second drink but it didn't work my world was spinning and I had basically lost control of my motor functions my memory is pretty rough too I remember my head on the bar and he was rubbing my crotch I remember him helping me to his car dragging me up his stairs passing out on his floor him blowing me I was back in his car at one point and then I woke up in my bed I felt like [ __ ] and was totally surprised that my car was in the driveway I have no idea how I got home at one point in the night I left an incoherent voicemail on my best buds phone so I was raped and I was so embarrassed he totally got away with it I've never told any not even my wife she knows something happened just not the extent when I was 17 I was gang-raped after a party the cops didn't believe me my parents didn't believe me and everyone who I've told since has stopped talking to me it was not pretty I was cut up at a party beaten and thrown in my car they drove Donuts in the grass field next to a church on a Saturday night Sunday morning f ked up my car and left me battered and bruised in the back seat I woke up initially when I was being raped only think gang as I do remember multiple voices at this point but then tried to keep myself awake long enough between blackouts by blasting music so the cops found me at the wheel of my car with people lining up for church with f king metal blasting on repeat I planned murders in retribution but decided it was better to just leave the only proof I had was that I shat blood for a week but I felt so bad I couldn't even show anyone [ __ ] when you have a rectal tear as a terrible thing the thing that hurt the most was that no one believed me I didn't make stories and lies but none to this extent after graduating from high school I went to a small out-of-state College where no one from high school knew me I was told many times how impressive my false Australian accent was so I decided it would be great fun to go through college pretending to be from Australia all of my friends and even my girlfriend of two years think I'm Australian I have a completely fake Australian identity family and past I will soon be graduating and I plan on asking the girl to marry me everything she knows about me is Australian I don't know how to tell her she doesn't really know me guess I'm forever a bloke I know this thread is most likely dead now but I used to masturbate a lot and when I was 10 I had a technique where I let off a load into a sock then wash it and quickly dry it now I couldn't leave it hanging outside or use a dryer rather my family world seen it and probably smell it or whatnot so I'd put it inside my gas heater unit unfortunately my sock had caught on fire inside the unit blew it up and set my house on fire only my brother was home at a time and he managed to survive the house did not for five years we stayed from caravan park to caravan park whilst we waited for confirmation that it was not arson and we could receive an insurance payout we eventually didn't scrape together money to start rebuilding the house the house is still being rebuilt to this day and it shames me anytime I have to visit my parents living in a tiny mobile home where my backyard once was the story I tell is that my first kiss was nine years ago when I was 14 with my now fancy force when I was 13 I babysat an 8-year old boy his parents were very open and he was very sexually aware I caught him watching porn a couple of times from the start he was very aggressive always grabbing me and trying to kiss me after a while oddly impressed with this new sort of attention and very curious about kissing one night we started making out this became routine and went on for probably almost a year before I realized how horrific and wrong my actions were I continued to Babis it him for a while but soon his parents stopped calling me I've always wondered why I'm terrified that ill one day be exposed as a child molester TL DR is a thirteen year old girl I frequently made out with an 8 year old I have memories of my sister five years older and I playing a role play game when I was younger that I think would be considered sexual abuse molestation if I told anyone I don't remember how old we were but I know she was around the age where her breasts were developing when home alone we would play a roleplay game where she was a boss and I was a secretary and the boss will always sexually Harris the secretary it ended in my sucking on my sister's breasts while she would lie on the couch with her shirt off my memory has always been really horrible so I only remember patches of this but I remember that it never felt sexual I don't actually trust my memory enough to feel confident that this really happened I love my sister she's my best friend and I would never want to damage our relationship by ever bringing this up and asking her what really happened it is a secret I will carry with me and never reveal also till it's hard coming up with a throwaway name edit to clarify I'm a woman just in case anyone assumed otherwise may not ruin my life but would really prefer if it didn't get out 26 year old male and have visited with 30 plus escorts over a 4-year period this includes the girls in the Amsterdam red-light district two girls and asian massage Paula's first time was about six months after breaking up with my first girlfriend to be honest I stopped counting how many times I've actually paid a visits to one of these girls was never very confident with girls growing up so this was much easier than actually having to put myself out there I guess I'm actually fairly good-looking and have much more confidence now it's only in the last couple years that I've come to realize how easy it is to attract girls and sadly recall how much time and money I've wasted on escorts been almost a year since I last made a visit edit did a rough count place a number roughly around 34 different girls surely I'm forgetting some with a going rate of $200 to $300 each time well it makes me sick to do that math on that one but probably close to $10.00 at least it provides me with more motivation to keep away from this hobby that I've been considering suicide for the past few months my friends know I'm going through a rough time but if they knew I've come so close to actually killing myself everyone would see me differently the only way they would know would be if it was already done I don't want them to think of me like that if I do decide to continue living so I haven't told anyone that knows me I'm sure there are plenty of others and similar situations this will probably never be seen by anyone but f ck it my father once owned a cat who loved to suck on our ear lobes for whatever reason about half a decade ago my father left me alone in his apartment with his cat and I don't know exactly why but I just grabbed the cat went in the bathroom with it laid on my back put it on my chest and let it suck my earlobes while masturbating I find myself f king disgusting when I think about it but I still think that it was one of my best facts IT guy here it's amazing what people will do on their computers and same their emails despite having to sign a waiver that all computer activity at work is monitored and recorded I have half the company's banking social media and personal email account info and passwords I know who is secretly banging who was the office behind their spouses backs I know who is cyber ring at work and jerking it in the bathroom almost daily at least they tell their sex chat partner thea running off to the bathroom to jerk it Haven felt the need to check the validity of that one I know when people are having Marshall problems financial problems I even know one person here had their children taken away because a social worker found cocaine in their house I know who is embezzling money I know when people get fired for completely [ __ ] reasons like they just want to replace them with someone younger and nicer on the eyes and I know who my boss is buying xanax and Vika Dean's from basically I have a treasure trove of my co-workers secrets I don't actively do anything with this info but it's nice knowing I have the ammunition there if something were to ever happen I lose sleep every night because I feel like I was a shitty brother my younger sibling is five years younger than me and I always felt like I was a crappy role model and terrible example to him I treated him like [ __ ] and I really hindered his childhood now he's one of my best friends but we both know it happened and I can never forgive myself you know I see people confession worse [ __ ] like near suicide and [ __ ] boxes that was really f ked up f king read it but it doesn't mean it doesn't affect me I love my brother and I would take a bullet for him but not a day goes by where I wish I could go back in time and change how I treated him I don't believe in regrets but this will always be looming over my shoulders thanks for reading ridet I have been having sex with my cousin since I was 18 on and off for about three years the worst part about it is that she is severely dibbler hyper sexual and on disability probably for life it's consensual and she wants to do it more often but I know I'm making things worse as opposed to helping her live a normal life I think I first rationalized it as being a way to comfort and offer her companionship everyone in my family tells me how great it is that I'm one of the few people who can get through to her and get her to listen my great-uncle Jack used to live with my family one day he got drunk and at a bad fall that ended up causing him to bleed out I ended up finding him I was 14 at the time and had never seen such an awful sight and lost consciousness due to all the blood when I eventually recovered I called the ambulance and stayed with my uncle he died in the back of the ambulance holding my hand no one knows about what happened to me and if they did they would realize that I'm the reason he's dead [Music] my father never had anything other than boys and my mother always wanted a girl try as they might they just had tons of boys when I was six they adopted a girl if also six everyone was pleased and she was quickly included into the family by everyone and we all took an immediate shine to her especially me we started playing doctor at nine this progressed to fooling around by our early teens and into actual sex shortly thereafter were both over 30 now we have sex whenever we see each other we also like to pretend we are twins when we do have sex we've both had our shares of girlfriends and boyfriends but we always kept it up even while in those relationships she's actually married now we still have sex about two times a month more when the family gets together for holidays I can't even imagine the bricks that would be shot if anyone ever found out it's been closed a few times especially when we were younger but nobody's ever caught on I faked the last two years of college education my parents put so much pressure on me I couldn't handle it I was suffering from severe depression and anxiety so I faked it all lied to everyone made up fake transcripts I just got my foot in the door in my desired field thanks to a friend as they hired me as a subordinate this place only hires college grads but no one double-checked my credentials since I was recommended my hopes is that if I need to find another job you'll have been at this place long enough to get it by experience alone I work for a very prestigious company I'm not bad at my job I'm actually quite good but my fear is eventually it'll hit a wall and the lie will come to light no one has known this for the better part of a decade it's a relief to finally say it out loud I can't even tell those I love my silence is my prison I used to do heroin a lot I got clean I'm not in a shitty relationship where my boyfriend manipulates me into doing whatever f ked up [ __ ] he wants and I know this is happening but I don't care because I figure I'm lucky to have a place to live in someone to pay the bills he makes me do weird sexual [ __ ] that I hate like suck mass amounts of [ __ ] for random guys he met on the internet this is because I told him about all of the f ked up [ __ ] I used to do to get to drugs because obviously I liked it or else why would I do it he has also convinced to be a prostitutes on two separate occasions I can't stand being touched by anyone anymore I hate sex I want to die I just bought some heroin I haven't decided yet if I'm going to start using again or just go ahead and OD I have no goals in life there is literally nothing I want out of life other than heroin I'm just a scared luckily no one will ever see this because this thread has exploded I have been planning my suicide for roughly six weeks now I just can't hack it anymore my family disintegrated my marriage is a bust and I was disabled by an AI e D while deployed I wasted the last five years of my life drinking and being angry at everything not to make excuses or anything but my physical being I sent all that is disabled due to deployment I can't love anything at all anymore to make this more relevant the AI e D was my fault I fell asleep while being the front gunner for our convoy no one knows I was awarded a cab and a Purple Heart two of my friends died that day have you considered seeing a counselor and asking about PTSD or different types of depression you went over there and did something that most Americans Ahrens willing to do I don't care if you feel like you f ked up as a civilian I truly believe you are still a good person I sincerely hope you go see someone a SAP if you can take six weeks to plan something you can definitely take six more weeks to do something that can potentially be amazing see a different therapist every week until you find one with promise please if you feel like talking I'm a good listener this Weldon true in my life but back in middle school me and a friend in our building was standing outside our street was being repaved we noticed the workers all left for lunch so my friend said hey let's go sit in the steamroller being young and dumb we did so we go and realize the keys are still on my friend was like hey let's drive it well having never driven a steamroller we didn't know that it's the back fat turn so he started it up we started going down the street he's driving I'm just riding along do next thing I know we are losing control and we crash into some old guy's living room this old man was sitting there watching TV all we could do is just run we booked it and left told my parents I was over at a frisson house and we didn't come back to our neighborhood till later on come to find out the cops have been going house-to-house looking for us my parents were like what stupid kid could have done this the old man whose house we crashed into only got a basic description of my friend but not me there were wanted posters with a $20,000 reward for my friend but the picture looked nothing like him after about three months the posters went away and we were never caught we never told anyone I had a fraternity brother who was a real dick to me in college and haze the [ __ ] out of me back then you could log into the registration system to sign up for classes he was a senior so he got first pick of the classes he wanted this was right when the internet was becoming popular and back then a person's login was their name and their pin was their birthday I logged into his account and dropped all of his classes three days after they started he did not find out until midterms when the professor's submitted his grades they refunded his money but he had to spend an extra semester in college second story I do not have a lot of confidence and can never ask girl I met my current wife by installing a keystroke logger on her computer and intercepting Facebook messages and chats with her friends until I confirmed she liked me that way I knew exactly how to approach her I orchestrated our entire early courtship to my advantage if she knew she would likely divorce me because I delve deep into her personal life and found out some crazy things about her past after my mother left my father he developed a really inappropriate attachments to me I was 19 and my brother moved in with his girlfriend dad was suicidal and had no family or friends close by so I was it for the first year he would wake me up at 2:00 a.m. to sit with him every night until he cried himself to sleep after four years of cleaning up after him making sure he ate and generally remained alive I discovered that he had been using the attic access in his closets to sit above my personal bathroom and watch me through a peephole I wanted to dismiss it as paranoia but there were too many physical signs that made it reality moved out shortly after that because I couldn't bear to look at him I'm 29 now and no one in my family has any idea that this ever happened I know that he was going through a rough patch but I feel violated and dirty every time I think about it still I also have huge amounts of guilt because I hate him for putting me through it had serious depression my whole life 3 - oh aside attempts countless other thoughts of just stepping on the gas pedal and slamming into a wall lost my job a couple years back and hit an all-time low took a shitty job at a grocery store found out my wife was pregnant and thought the best thing for her and the baby would be for me to not be around anymore on my last day I plan to live my wife tells me our baby is the size of a sweet pea I smile and act happy knowing I will never see that sweet pea go to work in the morning and near the end of my shift I'm standing in the Department and um near tears close my eyes and ask myself what's the point time to end this then I hear someone yell my wife's name loud twice I look over and see a lady who happens to have my wife's name okay just a coincidence then I look down and see in holding a box of sweet peas I stopped crying and go home tell me everything got the help I need the Sweet Pea is two now and has a sister on the way I live my life for them they saved me just remember that no matter how bad it gets there are people out there who love you and want to help don't be afraid to ask be strong read it and stay alive for the ones that love you when I was about 12 I went with some family to the Family Dollar my mother and cousins went off to go look at generic groceries so I decided I would just spend my time hanging out in the toy aisle in the toy aisle there would always be these bags of marbles that other kids would open and leave laying there so I decided to fling models across the floor and one just happened to reach one of the far-off Isles so about two minutes later I hear a loud crash and someone screamed somebody help this man dart being the curious child I was I ran over to see what the commotion was about and I find everyone gathered around this guy who had seemed to have fallen from the ladder as he was getting something off the top shelf the guy is seizing out and blood is coming from his head as he laid there and his face seemed to be turning blue my mother whisked me and my cousins away and we left next time we went we talked to the front cashier and she said that they called the paramedics but by the time they got there he had died from choking apparently when he had the seizure he was choking on his own tongue the cause for the fall according to the front cashier was that he had put the ladder on a marble and didn't check it before he got on it when I heard what the cashier said I just stood in disbelief thinking I was going to jail I tried telling my mother many times but all she did was say that I imagined it TL DR killed a man with a marble in a Family Dollar I've never attempted to kill myself and I doubt I ever will but I just want to die I'm an incredibly happy guy owed enough I truthfully am happy but whenever I think about getting shot or getting cancer I get a little excited I wish I was one of those deaths on the news shoot I'd love to take someone's place they want to be here more than me it'll never actually kill myself even if it's just for the sake of others who need me but I can't stop wishing that someone else would kill me I'm done being here I'm done dealing with the crap I'm just burnt out and I don't want to be here anymore I'm now finished my first year of university in the fall my funds quickly dried up even though my parents earn a combined salary of about $200 zero zero zero a year my brothers become the talk of our tiny town because he has earned a full ride to play lacrosse in the USA I'm Canadian my parents spend every penny on making sure he's pro kleh tutored in the right equipment and though I am sincerely overjoyed for him this year changed my life so by November all my credit was gone I worked every single day on top of school but I still could barely afford phone bills I stole food from roommates and grocery stores when I got the chance when things got real bad I put an ad on Craigslist I sold the biggest part of myself for the paper nasty men had in their back pockets it was the worst I have ever felt as I was sexually abused when I was younger and even sex with my boyfriend is difficult to handle emotionally I advertise essentially tan older men married men and everyone in between my biggest fear is that anyone in my family or my boyfriend if two years will find out about this disgusting chapter in my life it dropped me into severe depression which I still take medication for I cry when I think about going back this September [Music]

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Id: CrXfnP7qieI

Length: 30min 15sec (1815 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 11 2019