What Secret Could Destroy Your Life? (r/AskReddit)

serious what secret could destroy your life of it got out I hit a smallish lottery few mil a little while back and told absolutely no one family and friends included I took a bunch of steps to secure my kids futures and we live a very comfortable but not lavish life I'm pretty generous with the people around me I think that they just think I'm doing very well career-wise or something illegal under the table I justify it by thinking that if this was general knowledge amongst friends and family it would ruin relationships my priority needed to be my kids I have not paid income taxes in a decade I don't get any withholding I don't know how it got away from me like that at this point I'm afraid to ask I am employed by a company that allows people to work remotely they only hire in specific states in the u.s. not only do I not live in one of those states I don't even live in the u.s. I am a US citizen but I'm currently not in the US and it's because of this job and the crappy economy in the country I'm and I get to live a pretty dand lavish life for every one US dollar it's worth about six hundred percent more here because the currency is weak getting weaker and it's just cheaper scrap to live here anyways I've been working for months and I've had some close calls I screwed up a couple of times and they questioned me about it I had to lie the fact that my brother my father and I know that my mom has been cheating on my dad for the past three years it's a complicated situation I occasionally as in pretty much daily go on omegle and do roller plays as a 25 year old woman who's into being tied up I'm an otherwise straight 22 year old man and I have no idea what's wrong with me I almost killed my sister years ago she was about three and I was maybe nine 11 years old I carried her to the terrace five stories high including the ground floor and like some dumb Frick I placed her at the edge of the terrace above a barricade of sorts there was nothing to protect her from falling and directly below five stories down is a cemented path I don't remember what was so important I had to do that I laugh her dangling there at death's edge all I remember is she was starting to sway backwards towards the ground alarm bells started ringing in my head so I ran and somehow managed to grab onto her just as she was about to fall I felt my heart racing against my chest I hugged her for a really long time too afraid to let go to this day I haven't told her she's 25 now nor my mom even typing this still makes me nervous that height how a baby's body would have ended up splattered all over the hard cemented pathway how I could be institutionalized how my family would have disowned me how I would have missed watching her grow up still haunts me it developed an irrational fear in me of carrying babies around even if I'm not the one carrying them or even if there is no height involved this might not ruin my life but it could ruin someone else's well here it goes I was in an abusive relationship with my girlfriend when I was in high school everybody just thinks we were a bad couple but it was far worse it started off with little stuff like when someone made a joke about me she would laugh and it was no big deal but pretty soon she found out that she could torment me as a way to make people laugh and like her we were both semi unpopular and it just kept escalating to the point that at lunch I would just sit there with my hair down on the table while she and her friends mocked me she broke up with me a few times but I always took her back then came the first time that I tried to break up with her she laughed and asked me why and when I couldn't look her in the eye she hit me and told me to talk to her I told her I didn't mean it and we just kept going on every once in a while maybe once or twice a month I would start to work up the balls to end it and she would hit me and ask where I would go and tell me that she was the hottest girl I could ever get one time I told her we were done and she started shaking and crying so I tried to give her a hug and she stabbed me in the arm with a pair of scissors and wouldn't stop crying and threatening me and herself until I agreed to wait eventually I hit puberty lates in my junior year and became tall and strong enough to hold her down and stop her from hitting me if this really helped me mentally get out from under her thumb and I finally broke it off we didn't talk and now I'm in college and life is grand but I always wonder if my view of women was messed up by this when I was about eleven stroke twelve the guy in the flat next door was a computer nerd type and I got interested in learning a little 1980 ish to cut a long story short he groomed me over a period of time I found he had showed pornography magazines and videos it got as far as hugs and kisses and then he tried to fill me up that's the point at which my brain kicked into action and I lagged it I was intensely scared ashamed and somewhat retreated into myself I realized my parents and specifically my mother knew something wasn't right in this odd child adult relationship and didn't act on their suspicions that totally freaked with my mind and led to many many years of confusion and introspection and if I'm honest some flicked up attitudes to people from myself I told one girlfriend many years back and she basically blanked it out didn't want to discuss it and made it fairly plain she wasn't sympathetic or could be of any help I've managed to get past most of the issues around it but I sometimes find myself watching TV films or documentaries where the grooming subject comes up and up hits me again watching the ray Donovan series brought it up specifically where bunchy has problems dealing with his past abuse one scene I had to get up and leave the room before I went off and burst into tears in front of my wife she paused it too so I wouldn't miss anything I have gained some good things I am quietly proud that I am assured of my sexuality straight without any difficulties in having gay friends that could have gone very differently I have a family and have learned to be sociable and have managed to create some level of trust with people it still burns inside though at times I have sort of accepted that it's something I will take with me to the grave while I am from India and I have evidence to a 720 6.8 crore rupee scan that my former company did not basically robbed millions of students a chance at a good livelihood I was put in the scam by the company and when I said I will not and I resigned the company told me that they will destroy my life if I made it public I was 22 at that time and was the owner of the company is related with police officers and literally they can screw my life easily but not a single day goes by when I don't think about it I can't stop myself from lying half the time I lie about things that don't matter and should have just told the truthful but I can't stop myself from doing it all the lies I've told big and small all catch up to at one point or another and are seriously damaging my life my parents and brother don't trust me at all anymore because I've done some incredibly stupid things and lied about them I've also had to do things or tell bigger lies to cover what started out as a little white lie other people around me that for caught me in a lie don't know how to act around me anymore I know I need to stop and I am trying but the more I try to stop doing it the more I do it this is slowly destroying my life and my relationship with my family and there is nothing I can about it a really good lifelong buddy of mine dropped out of college after 9/11 and joined the army he completed three tours in Iraq got married had a kid all was great for him his mom was the type that was close to his friends because they reminded her of him while he was away so us guys would take her out and keep her company as a group one day she called me up and asked to go out and have a drink she found some pictures or whatever of her son and I from childhood and she couldn't wait to share we meet up at a local watering hole for a couple drinks and a few laughs she kept feeding me drinks and before I could say that it was time for me to head out she had her hands on me and was very forward I admitted wasn't a decision that I was capable of making at that time so I went with what felt good but we went back to my house and had some of the craziest high popping tantric drunk sx my buddy died in Iraq a few months later and I am a horrible person I failed out of college and didn't tell anyone I lied about still being in school and pretended to go to classes my parents still thought they were paying for my college that is the worst part of this whole thing I wasted six months and a good five thousand dollars if not more how much I don't care about a lot of people in my life that like me co-workers friends family there are a ton of of them I just don't care for really and I'm just civil with em for convenience some of them have done pretty nice things for me and I am thankful but there are still some I just don't really like that much I used to not be like this I used to try and maintain all the relationships now many old friends people that live far away I don't even make an effort and I wonder if I ever cared at all the weirdest part is in social situations I'm really good at being friendly and feigning interest in people's life I've been complimented on being a nice and genuine guy but there's this resentment I have for many people in my life that I keep hidden the only people I really care for are a few close friends my immediate family and my girlfriend other than that I'd rather just be alone I am emotionally numb I always have to fake being happy or excited about things I guess it kind of sucks because I'm not happy or unhappy and the only time I'm considerate is when I'm doing something because I know something bad will happen and not because of guilt or a negative emotion of any kind I sometimes wonder why I exist but I don't delve too deeply because I just don't care I have a cross-dressing fetish but I am completely straight I have an incredibly supportive girlfriend who knows but I don't think I could ever handle telling anyone else and Lord only knows what would happen my small social life when I was about nine my eldest sister died aged 32 and her two kids came to live with us I'm a surprise child so all of my siblings are much older than me my nephew and I shared a room he was just a year younger than me and around when I was 11 and he was 10 we started doing sexual things over the years we started out dry humping with clothes on then clothes off then eventually I started performing oral on him around age 13 or 14 we started doing anal I was always the bottom nearly every night when I went away for college at 18 we never did it again and haven't spoken of it since in fact I don't remember ever talking about it one of us would just give our gesture to the other that we wanted to Frick and went at it I'm 21 now and I'm in the process of coming out as gay he identifies as straight and is in a relationship but I wonder all the time of it's just for a cover-up anyways we are the only two that know about it and I wouldn't dare tell anyone not even my closest most trustworthy best friend sometimes I fear he might tell someone one day every single day I fantasize about getting on a plane going far far away and starting over I'm just too afraid to do it been banging the babba sitter for years I know you think this is the best thing in the world right now but consider this they've been banging you for years and getting paid for it I failed out of college after two years because I was lazy and I was drunk all the time I then joined the Air Force and was kicked out because of a heart disease I didn't know about I think about killing myself at least once a week my fiance or four years broke up with me and I was so apathetic it didn't bother me I just calmly collected my stuff and moved out I can't sleep for more than three hours a day anymore I'm not sure if I'm depressed or not I just get up and go to work then come home I don't drink anymore but I smoked almost a pack a day I just turned 22 and according to a few doctors I'll be lucky to see 3040 will be a miracle not explainable by science I'm going back to college in the fall so at least before I go my family won't think I'm a total failure writing this actually made me cry this is the first emotion I've had in almost a year thank you reddit for letting me know I can still feel something I've been living in my head for more than 30 years as a child I made some kind of fantasy world to escape from my miserable childhood and I never fully returned to the real world I never got to proper education since I can't concentrate more than a couple of hours before I get distracted and return to my other reality and I have lost several jobs because I'm not paying attention I don't have any kind of social life and generally prefer to just sit in the dark and dream my life away my sister was sexually assaulted by my cousin when we were al young that came out and it took years to get over it all and now we are on a level ground again the thing that nobody knows is that he sexually assaulted me as well nobody can know as it will tear apart my family every single day I think about killing myself how great it would be all my problems gone in an instant now I am in therapy for depression but I don't share those thoughts for fear of being institutionalized even briefly as a danger to myself I don't think I'm a danger to myself I've had those thoughts for quite a while without swallowing pills or a shotgun so okay so I cry just about every night because of my financial standings I feel like a failure I work as a line cook making minimum wage and hardly have any money for groceries or for anything personal in my life I've gone hungry I've gone without power water I most of the times feel like my life is worthless but they say money can't buy happiness but I can fricking guarantee that if I had some I wouldn't feel the way I do most nights when I lay down I used to crap my pants until I was like 13 I had no control of my bowels my mother knew but that was about it I don't even want to imagine what would not happened if my fellow students found out my first girlfriend was really the love of my life she was the only person that was ever able to finish my sentences and we bonded over sort of a mutual disdain for the world we lived in I knew her psyche was fragile and I literally gave her a reason to live while she was institutionalized we broke up and she committed suicide or at least that's what I tell people in reality I cheated on her and she destroyed herself she burned holes through her skin hundreds of times sliced dozens of cuts through her body and face and threw herself off a bridge I can't even imagine what someone will think if I ever said those things I've only told a couple people that have even happened but as far as the details I probably should do so but I just can't face that when I was about 13 I was discovering my sexuality and jacking off every day to twice a day I was so curious about having my dong being touched by someone else that one day I asked my little brother who was nine years old it was kinda awkward he didn't understand what was going on I didn't know it was so wrong and so creepy I remember every little detail of the shameful moment my cm dripping on my little brother's hand but I wasn't attracted by my little brother I was just curious about getting a handy by someone else and he was the only person which could accept to do it it happened only one time we never spoke about it now I'm 21 Andy's 17 we have a wonderful relationship he's my best friend we laugh every time we see each other I think maybe it would be good to get it off my chest and maybe his too and tell him but I don't want to ruin what we have now I don't want him to see me as her abusive big brother or even think I might be it was a child mistake I didn't know I sincerely hope he doesn't remember a thing I'm in middle of a divorce and the only way I've survived taking care of myself and my daughter is prostituting myself this last year my family would completely disowned me if they knew my ex barely helps as it is if he knew I had any sort of money he would use it as a reason to help me even less that I enjoy peeing in the sink when I am home alone because it feels sort of taboo well he goes well when I was younger I had a friend let's call her Amanda while we were at a park and across the street there was a building planed for demolition anyway the genius and me had a great idea to go in it and check it out as we were exploring the floor cave then she fell down two stories and landed on some debris and was injured while I caught myself on the first floor she didn't make it past the first day in the hospital I'm still haunted by the screams and the begging every year I have a little memorial to myself I still blame myself for killing her it doesn't get any easier as more time passes by after this I slowly started to dull out feelings now I can't seem to care at all it's caused me to try and kill myself multiple times and every time I tell my friends they don't actually believe that I tried they all ignore that and say to stop joking about that stuff but they'll never know the truth one day I hope she will forgive me if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] [Music] bye for now [Music]

Channel: Updoot

Views: 158,437

Rating: 4.9131222 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub, best of reddit, comment awards, funniest posts, funny stories, best reddit, funny comments, askreddit funny

Id: Z7wg6f4fKvs

Length: 18min 30sec (1110 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 01 2019