What "One-In-A-Million" Are You?

what is the most statistically improbable thing that has ever happened to you i drove to the park to go running using my cell phone as gps when i was done i put my phone on the top of my car and spent a few minutes stretching then i got in my car and drove home on the way home driving about 35 with the window down i took a turn in the cell phone slid off the roof of the car and into my open window bouncing off my arm and landing in my lap i never told anyone because i didn't think they'd believe me you made it sound like you drove to the park said this is going to be a good run stretched for a few minutes then got in your car and went home in 2007 i read the four hours work week by tim ferriss the book inspired me to quit my job and moved to uruguay and route to uruguay i got in line to get my passport stamped the guy in line directly in front of me was tim ferriss on his way to uruguay for the first time i introduced myself and told him his book inspired my life change we had a nice three minute conversation while standing in line cool guy you're gonna be so mad when he writes the three-minute conversation the work i used to do required me to carry a lot of keys at the end of my shift every day i would go to hang up my keys on a cup hook but as i entered the room i would toss them over to the board with the hooks trying to get them to land on the hook and every day the keys would miss and fall to the floor i would retrieve them and hang them and sit and do my paperwork one day at the end on my shift i was a bit later than usual and the supervisors were in the room again i tossed my keys and they hooked all of the supervisors were stunned but my direct supervisor said i bet you couldn't ever do that again i grabbed the keys off the hook walked over to the door and tossed them again and again they landed on the hook and in the two years of working there that was the only two times they caught that my friend is the true clutch gene when i was a kid i went to a hockey game with my family we're sitting there enjoying the game i'm drinking my sprite and having a good time my dad turns to me and asks if i wanted a hot pretzel hells yeah i want a hot pretzel i take my sprite bottle with me and we go and get our hot pretzels on our way back we couldn't remember which isle we were on my dad said i think it was 15 no i said we were in aisle 16. i believed it with conviction my dad was like lol okay and we went down aisle 16 we walked down to our row and we were on the wrong side of it i was wrong derp we were supposed to be in aisle 15. instead of climbing the stairs and going around everyone we were those discourteous douchebags who shuffle their way across the aisle to get to the other side i held my sprite bottle by the neck tight against my stomach so i could take up less space as i sidled past people all of a sudden my pop bottle is gone it's just missing there is sprite everywhere i'm sticky the girl sitting behind me is sticky crap's messy what the frick i look on the ground and my sprite bottle is completely crunched in half this was back in the days when sprite bottles were made of pretty tough plastic they didn't give a dang about the environment earlier i saw people on the ice with slingshots launching balled up t-shirts into the audience i thought that there were balls for street hockey at the time so i assumed i got hit by one so i looked on the ice there was nobody on the ice at all what caught my eye was the jumbotron i was on the jumbotron looking like the confused child that i was here's what happened the puck was in play and somehow got shot over the protective glass and into the audience it hit dead center into my sprite bottle had i not brought the sprite bottle with me i would have been hit in the stomach had i just listened to my dad and we went down the right aisle it would have hit the girl i was standing in front of in the face we remained on the jumbotron until i reached my seat we were only a couple rows behind the visiting team's bench and the coach called me down he gave me their goalie stick signed and congratulated me on my great save i still have both the stick and the sprite bottle the girl i was in front of ended up finding the puck underneath the seat in front of her it was a good day for what i was teaching esl in korea and we went out one night to a local bar that had a monthly open mic night where a lot of us foreigners would gather i got chatting with a random white guy at the bar and asked where he was from he said ottawa i was like no way i used to live in ottawa whereabouts in ottawa did you live he answered sandy hill i once again said no way haha i had a car stolen that was found there his face goes slack comma was it an 88 to 91 honda civic comma yes yeah i think that was me um let me get your drinks for the night tl dr while traveling in korea i met the guy who had stolen my car four years earlier in ottawa my parents divorced when i was an infant my biological father was abusive and an alcoholic amongst other issues so my mother chose to forego child support in order to keep out location a secret fast forward 13 years 15 year old me boards a plane to california i'll live in nye and head to a sleep away camp for a week at the camp i start talking to this girl and grow instantly enamored so the girl and i done almost all of our time together during camp but she is also there with one of her friends so on the fourth night the three of us are sitting around a campfire talking and i tell them about how i live with my mom and why mention that last we had heard my father was living somewhere out west and that i hadn't seen him since i was a baby i also mentioned that my mother had just recently gotten remarried to a man we had been living with for almost 10 years and that he had adopted me so i took his last name and now this is where crap gets weird the girl's friend let's call her amanda asks what my biological father's last name was so i tell her and she gets crazy pale she asks me a ton of questions about him what nationalities is he italian native american african-american where did me and your mother live small town just north of nyc and a bunch of other stuff she starts crying and tells me that perfectly explains my father he moved out here after his first wife left him he and my mom had me got married and then had my younger brother i think you're my older brother and that is how i kept my sister who i didn't know existed in a camp of 300 plus kids across an entire continent tldr met my little sister who i didn't know existed in a sleep away camp on the other side of the country okay people i get it my life story is similar to parent trap was totally thinking parent trap i thought i was getting trolled i got pulled over by the police because my car and the car in front of me had the same license plate i was sitting at lights behind a wee black vauxhall with a police car behind me the next thing i know the police are asking us both to pull over we both had the same license plate turns out that both cars were registered at the same dealership on the same day a clerical error had led to both getting the same plate months later we are both sitting at the same traffic light and the police are there to see it this happened in glasgow scotland about 10 years ago plates are unique in the united kingdom the format at the time was ln nll l equals letter n equals number when i was at university i would quite often get a taxi ride after a night out from a nice old man nicknamed grandpa he had grandpa on his taxi license and had business cards with grandpa on them etc he would always give you cheap rides and come whenever you called anyway four years or so passed without me getting a ride from him i had heard rumors that he had died which was quite saddening about a month or so ago a couple mates and i were waiting to get picked up by a taxi when i decided to tell them about the story of grandpa so eventually i finished my story and our taxi arrived with none other than grandpa at the wheel given the nickname grandpa i was expecting this story to take a dark turn pleasantly surprised i won tickets to csnl the exact weekend i was going to the east coast to visit my dad if you don't know how snl tickets work you register for their raffle in august and then they email you two weeks prior to the show you got selected too i've never felt luckier forgot to mention that you have to be 16 or older to attend the show and that's exactly how old i turned that year james franco hosted and muse was the musical guest i was in perfect health at 23 but had a stroke pretty harsh one was in a coma for two days when i woke up at the 8 000 employee hospital they told me i was the first guy ever at my age to come down with something like that they ran me through every test they had for three days and concluded i had a blood clot in my leg somehow sent me back home and three weeks later it happened again i got into west point with a 2.77 high school gpa hey someone's got to bring the average down right no i wasn't a varsity athlete i did play some sports nhs had a 2030 on the new format sat parents weren't military yes i am white as pointed out from my past submission having trained cadets one summer at west point you certainly didn't hurt their actual intelligence much i ran up the rear end of a taxi twice on the same night the first time i was going clubbing with mates he'd locked his brakes and i drove straight up the backside we exchanged details etc after the club we were driving back i thought the cab in front looked familiar he locked his brakes again i smashed him again he gets out and turns white u y w h y y y this was 20 years ago i won a frosted flakes sweepstakes competition about 10 years ago i was a kid and my mom filled out the form that was on the back of the box and sent it in and i ended up winning an all-expenses-paid trip to california a playstation 2 and a shitload of money amongst other things i always had thought sweepstakes were a scam and companies never followed through but it turns out there actually are winners was working a wine banquet back in college on a nice sunny afternoon in a wide open field with no trees pretty much everyone was gone and we were wrapping up after a long day i yawned and the only bird for miles crap right in my mouth as he flew by the sucker that and the brain aneurysm that i had about a one two five zero zero zero chance of surviving but i'm still here looking for that god damned bird i've been saving a bottle of exlax just for him cork or mother brain aneurysms are in my top three fears they're the silent killer i once went fishing as a teenager i caught something on my line and eagerly began to reel it in hoping to see a big old fish to my surprise and confusion what i found on the end of my hook was another fishing line that had somehow become snagged on my original hook at the end of the fishing line that i had caught on my hook there was a hook and on that hook there was a big old fish i still can't really comprehend the odds of that happening but there it is someone had clearly caught this fish at an earlier time but for whatever reason the line had come off the rod and the fish had gotten away it would have been less weird of the dumbass fish had taken my bait too but no i somehow caught the line that held the hook that caught the fish wasn't me but my sister she was driving to work on a highway a semi-truck in front of her ran over a big piece of plywood that was in the road this caused the plywood to go flying right at her vehicle and it wedged itself under the hood of her car instead of hitting the windshield you could recreate that event a thousand times and i don't think it would work out like that she was very lucky that day similar thing happened to my sister-in-law but the wood went straight through the windscreen and because she is so short lodged just above her head i threw an orange at this bully's bike as he rode away and it bounced once so perfectly that did dislodge his chain and the bike abruptly stopped and he was thrown off he stood up a bloody crying mess but oh boy i was a hero to anyone saying i was a bully there was some backstory to this i was over at my friend's house when this kid paul comes over as well now paul is a bully so we're just hanging out in my friend's backyard when paul runs around back and starts basically insulting us my friend went in to get his ma and that scared paul i was not so decent as to be patient so the above transpired and it was an orange because florida by basically insulting well he was in middle school and we were in elementary school i hadn't heard those words before you know standard your mom and racial slur jokes tl dr met another redditor 850 miles away from me turns out we're perfect for each other i got bored and lonely one evening made a throwaway and put up a post in rr4r to try to find someone to i am with to pass some time i had some really good conversations with a few different people over the course of a few hours and decided it was time to head to bed i was going to just delete the post but i decided to check the arranged one last time before i shut my laptop though i saw one from someone that i hadn't talked to at all and responded back turned out he was working an overnight shift was bored and decided to see if he could find someone to talk to and help keep him awake we chatted most of that tonight until i couldn't stay awake anymore i got a good morning from him the next day as he was heading to bed after work we started chatting in chat over the next few weeks it became an almost constant conversation about one thing or another links back and forth discussing the links finding out that we have more in common than either of us thought was possible to have in common with another person he lived in nj and i lived in him we never expected to ever even meet each other but we joked about it from time to time and we started talking on the phone eventually we decided it would be a lot better horribly awkward but still better if we could video chat so we tried that a few times then we decided that maybe that wasn't enough and we did need to meet and that maybe we were in love so the week before last christmas he flew out to indiana so we could it was better than we though it could be he came out a couple of more times and right now while i'm typing this he is at work doing pretty much the same job he was doing when we met just 850 miles closer to me he drove out here one last time this past valentine's day and when he leaves work this afternoon it will be to come home to our home together not mine but my dad's he was retiring and clearing everything out of his office as he was closing his practice his favorite picture of my stepmom needed to be removed from the frame so he could have it digitized having been in the frame so long it was sticking to the glass when the picture finally came off it slipped fell from however higher six feet three man would be holding everything to remove it and fell perfectly into the slit of the shredder which was on automatic on shredded the picture as my dad stood there in stunned silence unable to comprehend the event that took place just happened and emotional loss of the photograph not me but my dad has survived a lot of ridiculous things one he was struck by lightning and lived not only did he live but he was fine he didn't even have to go to the hospital he was just a little terrified and had a headache or something two he survived what's known as a widow-maker heart attack it's much less common to survive than than to be killed by them three he's accident prone just in recent memory he had some kind of mouth infection that put him in the hospital for a week he rolled a golf cart luckily not injuring himself or anyone else he has lots of things like this happen to him he's the exception to all the rules your dad and my dad would be good friends you name it and it happened to him 20 plus surgeries for various things rabies shots stab wounds perforated ulcer mrsa septic shock paralyzed stomach dislocated knee many times infections upon infections and he never gets a cold back in the early 70s i gave shelter to a couple of runaways that were walking around in nyc for a couple of weeks one day i came back to my app to find it ransacked and then gone they stole my rent money so i had to move out i hitchhiked to miami to move in with my sister two weeks later i ran into one of them in coconut grove i was standing at a corner and spotted him walking towards me from the other corner holding hands with some girl as soon as he spotted me he said run to the girl and they both ran away as i laughed back in high school i was sitting at my desk in class quietly reading to myself there was this kid sitting behind me that was being annoying and talking to another kid in the next row over the teacher kept telling him to be quiet and he eventually lost his crap and threw an orange across the room at the kid it was a pretty good throw without looking up i reached up and plucked the orange out of the sky with my left hand i'm right-handed and slammed it down on my desk without looking up from my book it turned out that i had caught the orange right before it smacked the kid in the face the whole class was looking at me in shock i asked the kid if he would be quiet now and he just nodded his head i then started peeling the orange and ate it while the teacher starred at me in disbelief i felt like a bad butt but it was just luck let's keep the robot stuff on the dl guys sincerely rodato incognito in one of my college classes the professor told the class that whomever could locate the page in the textbook that had a little blurb about a study conducted by our school district washoe county would win a bag of peanut m ms i hadn't purchased the textbook yet so while everyone shuffled through their books i just guessed out loud 674 which for whatever reason has always been my go-to number in stupid guessing games turns out i was correct the book was over 1 000 pages long so i guess i slash 1 200 ish isn't exactly improbable but it's still a long shot i was kind of bummed they were peanut butter m and dems though i survived birth in the first few months of my life i was born two months and three weeks premature doctors thought i'd die or if i survived be mentally [ __ ] and or unable to walk i weighed 2.4 pounds from what i understand that is pretty good for being born that early i had underdeveloped lungs i had heart murmurs that healed up and went away by the time i was five also had a hernia but that wasn't too bad doctors thought i had hydrocephalus but once they saw my father they realized i just had a big head when i was around two months old or so i tore out my breathing tube and ivs at the same time the nurse didn't know if she should stop my breathing or stop me from bleeding first i think i was tired of the incubator at that point my mom says that was the first time she scolded me she also grounded me d other than that i was normal and healthy after a few months of being in the hospital when i'm done with the military i think i'm going to try for a career in nursing then peeps be saints yo only problem i have is that my feet don't point outward very much and it hurts to do so i can point them inwards very easily i look normal when i walk and the only time this has bothered me is when trying to fire a rifle prone i have to point my toes inward got some crap for that at basic training a few of my friends got a taxi back from a night of drinking in town and because we all live in the same area got out of the same place two of us start walking back because we live close by each other and a car goes past and throws an egg but misses us and breaks up on the floor anyway we carry on walking about a mile or two down the road and my friend puts his hand in his jacket pocket and pulls out an egg unbroken so when we got egged by the car instead of being a terrible shot my friend caught it in his jacket pocket without even knowing was pretty amazing and what i imagine a once-in-a-lifetime event my dog peed on the floor i furiously looked for a floor cleaner for roughly two minutes and i was all out someone knocks on my door and i'm livid at this point i answer and it's a vacuum salesman proclaiming that if i give him a few minutes of my time i could keep a bottle of cleaning agent as a gift that was the only time a door-to-door salesman came though my neighborhood my sister was married to a man that was a cheating loser druggie i was on the phone with her and she was telling me about a fight they were having he beeped in and she told me she would call me right back i told my husband that the only way my sister would ever get away from that man was if he just died her husband died while on the phone with her his jeep flipped and he was thrown from the vehicle landing on his head when the wreck occurred the phone went dead and she thought he had hung up on her and was angry she called me back and we continued to talk until the police arrived to let her know he had died he died on his way home 100 feet from where they lived my sister-in-law called me a witch and said she had a list for me i met my current girlfriend on her afternoon when i was supposed to have a class which was cancelled at the last moment on a train back home that i was supposed to have missed it was delayed by a few minutes by sitting exactly in the right car of the train here i met a girl that was only taking this train once in her life japanese tourists traveling europe by train going from amsterdam to the hague my whole life has changed because of that thing that was so statistically unlikely to ever happen it's scary but in a good way i frequent a forum for paintball emphasis and happened to meet someone in my area with the username stubs mcgee we met and played paintball several times then one day in a random halo match i noticed a stubs mcgee on my team and turns out it was the same stubs i met on the website blew my mind when out of all the people playing halo at the time i got matched with someone i knew who wasn't on my friend's list this would be more impressive if the matchmaking system didn't try to connect you to other local players if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 52,055

Rating: 4.9362745 out of 5

Keywords: one in a million, one in a million girl, one in a million moments, one moment in a million years, improbable tales of survival, improbable, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, reddit on tap

Id: 4Io1wjFtfXM

Length: 23min 59sec (1439 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 09 2020