"No Time To Explain, We Have To Go Now!" Moments

reddit what's your best no time to explain let's go story me and my family were traveling across vietnam when we stopped to stay the night at a local's house my granddad left to go to the toilet during dinner came back five minutes later with his backpack already on he said pam his wife we need to go now no time to explain so we all gathered our belongings and burst out of the family home at 10 pm then ran to a local hotel only recently has my granddad told me what happened he was suffering from very bad stomach pains and rushed off to the toilet getting faster and faster until he was jogging into the bathroom he then burst into the nearest toilet and turned around and began to sit down but it was too late he had already started crapping much to his horror his bottom didn't find a toilet seat it found a soft warm and now very messy child he pulled up his jeans and ran [Music] camping at a friend's house with my wife he had a glorious stretch of land and we had a tent a nice little campfire and had just finished dinner with leftovers sitting on the grill we hear coyote howls about a mile off and think with the smell of food in the air maybe we should pack up and head back to his house for the night he'd brought his antique military jeep that had no suspension to carry the gear and in case we needed emergency transportation back to the house in the middle of packing he screams get in the car now i hop in the passenger seat the same time he gets in the driver's side the jeep starts moving as i swing out and pick up my wife with one arm and slap her down on my lap oh yeah i forgot to mention she's blind driving down an extremely bumpy dirt road with no suspension of 30 miles an hour all that i could think of was the scene in jurassic park where the dude in the back is saying must go faster the coyotes were chasing us we rolled up to the house i guess they didn't like the lights or the smell of civilization and left the next morning they had gone through the entire camp and paw prints were everywhere turns out my friend had seen a pack of shiny eyes charging us the previous night we were lucky coma as i swing out and pick up my wife with one arm and slap her down on my lap holy crap badass of the year halloween evening of 2002 i'm a freshman in high school it's about 1am my dad pulls me out of bed and tells me to throw clothes on there's no time to explain is the house on fire no just get your clothes on i'm driving you to your mom's on the car ride over to my mother's he explained that a hepa filter had exploded downstairs releasing toxic dust throughout the basement and we needed to have the house cleaned this turned out to be a fabrication after the incident he wasn't living in his house for quite some time months to be exact i was forbidden from going to the house and getting anything i owned out years later i found out from his ex-wife that he owed money to some nasty people the real reason we evacuated the house was because there was a hit squad coming to take care of business i have a feeling it had to do with c because i found what i think was several bricks of sea in an old antique oven we had in our basement pretty nuts when you find out that your successful suburban father is actually involved in drug trafficking there i was at a house party i'd recently sworn off drinking due to getting alcohol poisoning at the last one so i'm easily the only sober person there i had wandered onto the front lawn and was chatting up some folks when i saw the guy get out of his car and angrily flagged down a bike cop once the cop had stopped this random guy started gesturing wildly and using very aggressive body language my brain began turning this scene over why would a guy in a suit be giving a cop crap i blinked and saw them the house was at the top of a tea intersection down each of the three streets at police cars police and two paddy wagons gearing up for the raid the man in the suit was an undercover cop who was trying to get the bike cop out of there before he blew their raid i ran inside grabbed every person i knew and said ditch your drink and come with me right the frick now luckily i had a bit of a reputation and only one of them questioned me my response was if you stay what happens next is on you his eyes got big he turned to the girl he was talking to and told her he had to go i found our host and said hey man this was a great party but the cops are forming up outside and ah i gotta go my friends and i booked out the back and ran down some alleyways only to run smack dab into a lone cop who must have been left to watch these same allies for runners he looked us up and down and asked where we were headed in such a hurry i said why officer it's whatever time it was the 7-eleven up the street should be getting ready to restock and we're off to see if we can get some free donuts he laughed thought about it and wished us a safe journey and that is the story of how i kept about 20 people from getting kicked out of college for underage drinking not long after graduating high school my buddy worked the late shift at a local gas station because we were night owls a bunch of us would end up hanging out there enjoying free coffee and sodas and just shooting the breeze because of this we got to know some of the local late shift cops who also like to come in drink free coffee and shoot the breeze these cops were not bad dudes they were just a little bit rowdy and unhinged one night we were chilling outside the gas station and introducing one of our newer friends to the guy that worked at the gas station a cop car rolls into the parking lot with its windows up so we can't get a good look at who's inside we're trying to figure out if it's one of the guys we know when the window rolls down a couple of inches and a gun barrel slides out to point at us we hear pop pop pop and scatter it was a couple of the cops we knew and they had just fired on us with a paintball gun my friend who worked at the gas station looks at me and the new guy and yells let's go as the cops peel out the employee pops his car's trunk pulls out a fully loaded paintball gun and tosses it to me the new guy and i dive into his car and we chase the cops down firing paintballs out the window while racing down the highway at top speeds we ended up in this weird paintball car fight for hours hunting each other down the new guy had no idea what to think hanging out with some people for the first time and getting drawn into a paintball fight with the police but handled himself very well my friend and i were sitting at a bar we frequent and where we have good standing this bar is one of the skeezy ones and at this point there were over 150 people in this part of the bar we were wasted as heck as it was about 2 am and had just gotten another drink at this time i'm talking to some people next to me when my friend grabs my arm and simply says we should go now we had not three minutes prior just gotten our drinks and i was confused why are we leaving we just got our drinks i said i pee on the bar we have to go sure as crap look at the floor and there is a puddle of pee we promptly exited tl dr my friend coveredly pee on a bar and we beat a hasty retreat lol but seriously frick people like your friend i was tripping on shrooms with my buddy and his gangster friend i am drooling and giggling and kind of lolling around while they are having some intense conversation they reach a sort of crescendo where my buddy is like look in my eyes man it's me it's okay and gangster friend is just kind of losing his crap rocking back and forth with his hands over his mouth and then says i gotta wash my face and gets up and goes to the bathroom immediately my buddy jumps up opens the window and leaps out while urgently saying go go go i was clueless but had made it through a few crazy situations with this particular buddy so i just followed his lead it is p rain out neither of us has shoes or a shirt on and we are sprinting down the road like crazy people i kept looking back to see what we were running from and didn't see anybody so i finally got him to stop and tell me what was going on apparently his gangster buddy had accidentally slipped and told him about some ongoing criminal activity and he thought that the guy was going to kill us to keep us from telling i convinced him that we should go back to our apartment halfway there he got spooked by a car and jumped a fence disappearing into some neighborhood to the sound of barking dogs and tipped over trash cans at this point i just said frickit i'm tired and you're just freaking paranoid and went home and crashed fortunately gangsta dude didn't kill me in my sleep i got woken up the next morning by a cop who told me i needed to pick up my friend from the station because he refused to talk to anyone or leave the police station until he saw me alive good times my friend let's call her mary invited me over when we were 16 so we could sneak out and go to her party i was excited it was my first time and it was going to be fun the living room was crawling with people dancing to loud music and everyone was drinking after about 10 minutes at the party i was done with the whole scene i dragged my friend from the guy she was making out with and force abele dragged her out the back door yelling we're leaving right the heck now the guy wasn't going to give up so i looked at another jock and yelled that guy just called you a pee you should punch his lights out the completely wasted jock believed me and took a swing as the guy we didn't stick around long enough to see what happened ran through the backyard over a small fence and into a neighbor's yard we stopped under a tree to catch our breath and mary puked she'd had worry more than beer but i didn't know what it was about 30 seconds later cops swarmed the place turns out it was a hardcore drug house that was absolutely getting busted that night and the guy had slipped my friend something he was a date rapist and was trying to get married and me mary didn't want to go home and started to cry so i half carried mary to her house and said we'd gone out for a walk and mary was sick it was the flu from school her dad probably didn't believe a word i said but let us back into the house made sure we were okay and let mary sleep it off we never snuck out a game to party when i was 16 me and two of my friends used our fake ids to sneak into a strip club a woman asked me if i wanted a dance so i asked her how much and she tells me 20 dollars i have a 20 on me so why not we sit down with about 30 seconds left in a song and she starts dancing next song starts and she keeps going now i assume that this is all one dance but stripper math always trumps logic she says that will be forty dollars i told her that was only one dance and i only had twenty dollars on me she gets the bouncer who grabs me by the shoulders and drags me over to the atm as i am taking out another twenty dollars the stripper is yelling at me telling the bouncer how i am trying to rip her off etc i finally give her the twenty dollar she sticks it in her garter and walks away i catch my friends i wave them over and say no time to explain but we need to go now be freaking cool when the stripper stuck my twenty dollars in her garter her whole wad for the night had come loose i put my foot on top of the cash picked it up as smoothly as i could and walked out the front door made out with around two hundred dollars and my original forty dollars if she hadn't been such a bee and tried to rip me off i would have never done something like that but at the time it seemed like the right thing to do i witnessed this one i was visiting my brother in phoenix and we decided to get some dinner he suggested we walk up and down milaf to decide where to eat we finally settled on silver mine subs as we were walking in i noticed this college age guy wearing a heavy sweater a little strange because it was not cold at all once inside my brother and i ordered a couple subs and suddenly in the middle of our order the guy at the counter yells out to the other employee there mother cover me that guy just stole some chips and leaps over the counter sprinting full tilt after the guy who had also raided the tips bowl which was near the chips my brother and i were just standing there with huge grins on our faces freaking overjoyed that we finally witnessed such an awesome spectacle it ended up that the employee did catch up to him and he got the chips and the money back i work at comic conventions any other employee comes up with a cover me or follow that guy we're totally on it nothing is more fun in retail than catching a shoplifter my friend was driving and i saw this guy talking on his phone and driving across four lanes of traffic at at least 45 miles per hour and run over two people at a bus stop he crossed in front of us when we were in a turn lane and we just assumed he was turning and being a dong about it cause he was coming from the opposite direction we were my friend the driver stopped looking at the dude and started looking for an opening to turn when i'll look in the rear view mirror and see said dude slam into the women at the bus stop and one of them literally flew 12 feet onto a fence i yelled for my friend to stop the car midterm and i jumped out of the car without telling him what i saw i ran across to the ladies and called the cops my friend parked and ran over and stood there while i chased down the dude that hit them on foot he was trying to flee the scene but his car was barely running one of the ladies he hit was dead on the scene and the other was critical and died in the hospital a day later worst day ever i hope the dude that hit them is in jail for life for being an idiot tl dr saw a big dummy run people over chased him down i never want to watch someone die again my dad bursts in living room area to volunteer work camp where i lived for two years and says medic and proceeds to gtfo i hauled up behind him turns out a guy was sharpening a blade and stabbed the crap out of an artery i saved his life and his leg with a tourniquet 10 minutes on slash one minutes off restricted the blood flow while keeping his leg alive comma now from the point of view of my crush who was laying next to me with her feet in my lap comma melty mushy moment of are we just friends and my dad comes bursting in says something incomprehensible and bolts i brush her off me and jump the back of the couch and bolt as well i come back an hour later with blood on my face arms and all down my freaking shirt and yes at 16 i was the closest thing we had to a medic because i did some training lol real medic said omg tonic a bad went to take it off blood spurs they put it back the frick on btw the tourniquet was a ripped off piece of my t-shirt mfw they said i saved the old [ __ ] life crap was so cash i went to school in a very rural area me and my friends were driving to the nearest walmart that was over an hour away to get an xbox 360 and halo 3 shortly after its release one of my buddies suddenly has to poop urgently the only place nearby is a sonic drive-in about 10 minutes away so we punch it all the way there he flies out of the car and runs into the tiny one-person bathroom on the side of the building about 15 minutes pass and he comes hauling butt out of there red-faced and panicky my friend who was driving is all wtf man and pooper dude throws open the car door hops in and says go go go go man just go crap go go we're all kind of confused at this point and after we zip out of the parking lot we all get the nervous giggles except for poopy friend he then explained that he overflowed the toilet horribly we all try to console him hey bro it happens etc and he just closes with a slow sad head shake stating you guys just don't understand my poop hit the floor it was one of the strangest car trips of my life there was guy i used to work with and he was more than a little weird it wasn't the quirky zany kind of charming weirdness but just straight up uncomfortable he tried to befriend me because i was new to the staff and no one else talked to him in conversation it had come up that he lived in the same area as me and he didn't have a car anymore as he said he had just broken up with his girlfriend and she was the one who owned the car he managed to pry a lift out of me and he asked if we could drive by his exes to grab his electronic stuff tv xbox etc and i said if he could move it by himself and fit it in the boot i would allow it we drove up to this house and he got out and walked down the long path to the house the house was one of a series of terraces and looked like utter crap a minute or two later i hear shouting and look up to the second floor and see something hit the inside of the window and caused it to crack my first thought was that i had just driven an angry man to his ex's house so he could kill her so i sat there for a few second trying to work out what to do next before i could work out what to do the guy came sprinting out of the door with a pair of panties and bra in his hand i probably should have done something to prevent him getting in but i was so confused as he opened the door i noticed a very big angry man come out of the same door and shouting something in what sounded like an eastern european language as he slammed the door he said the infamous no time to explain go i flawed and shot away as the man came running towards the car with a hammer and a knife after managing to get enough distance that i thought we were escaped i asked what the frick was going on apparently the woman was not his girlfriend but was instead a prostitute he had been visiting for five months from the way he described he had become very stalkerish and had proposed to her multiple times her pimp i hate that word but it fits had warned that if he turned up again he would be killed because he was missing he was trying to steal her underwear so he could have a part of her near him tl dr helped a man steal a prostitutes underwear and then helped him escape the pimps that wanted him dead mine was when i was a freshman in high school i was at this under 18 club don't you would me with a couple of girls just kinda hanging out i was still new to women so i was fairly oblivious to the fact that they both like liked me at one point in the night candy suddenly grabs me and says let's go i'm a good friend so i go along with her thinking we're about to see something cool she leads me outside all the while i'm asking her where we're going every time she simply replies shortcut eventually she leads me to an alleyway and stops i look around wondering what the heck we were doing there i mean we went all the way around the building so she has a pretty tenuous grasp on the word shortcut as i'm about to ask her what the deal is she takes a hold of me and starts kissing me cool i thought a girl likes me after a few minutes of this we go back into the club and don't speak of it again that was also the last night we really spoke for about three years i always thought it was because i was too shy to ask her out that may have been the case but as i learned when she started dating a friend of mine it was also because i was a pretty bad kisser i started dating someone long term after that though so i did get better candice is now successful adult filmster starring in greats such as shortcut to my land down under and let's make a detour i was a weapons troop in the 555 fs in aviano afb we tdwighted to sardinia italy to train some of our pilots i went to work at 4am and got home around 6pm we were supposed to have the next day off so we went out and partied till 1. thank god i didn't get to drunk because my buddy woke me up at 3 30 and told me to get dressed for work being in the military i'm used to this thing so i got dressed and we took the bus to work ofc my buddy didn't tell me why i was to report but when i went to talk with my flight chief i was pretty heated turns out they were giving our shop six f-16 rides and he selected me and my buddy to go up was only in the af for two years when i got my first ride people been in for 20 years and never got one best time of my life when i was 10 i was living in a house that my stepdad had completely renovated i mean it was a no lights no toilet piece of crap but after a while it was looking good only problem was my step wasn't the type of guy to give a single frick about health and safety regulations and whacked a gas canister used for our oven about 10 feet away from a wood burning stove so one night my real dad came over to spend the weekend with his children we're about to tuck into us some food when all of a sudden there's a loud bang and i kid you not the gas was steaming out of its canister so quickly you could see it thank god an adult was around luck is all that kept is his four children alive that day he very quickly figured out the consequences of what was about to happen and roared like i had never hear anyone raw everyone get the freak out now i was so scared that i didn't even get my shoes and was outside in about five seconds my family followed another 10 seconds later there was an even louder explosion where the gas had finally penetrated the stove the house was completely on fire about five minutes later to be honest no one was hurt and we got a good insurance payout and actually managed to move into a nice house as a consequence but frick it was scary fair to say that my dad saved my life and it still haunts me thinking about what would have happened if we'd all been in bed me and my brothers were going to go pick my best friend up from his aunt and uncle's house oh by the way we borrowed the car from our parents mom was really ticked off about it so we arrived there but we have to park outside his window since he has been locked inside his room and isn't allowed to go outside he's all confused and crap because we kinda went to pick him up by surprise but he seemed really happy and excited so anyhow my friend starts climbing out of his window to enter our car but then in the middle of everything his uncle walks into his room magisk crap the fat bastard tries to pull my friend back inside but we managed to pull my friend inside the car after that it was a pretty decent day even though my wand broke later on and the car threw us out and drove into the forbidden forest if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Updoot

Views: 101,763

Rating: 4.9364181 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub, no time to explain moments+, lets go now stories

Id: N0hMAsvfD4Q

Length: 23min 38sec (1418 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 23 2020