What Crazy Things Have You Witnessed At Bars? (r/AskReddit)

funny embarrassing horrible things you have witnessed at a bar working security in a bar in rural Island half an hour before closing two of the local guys stumble up to the door literally holding each other up I had no intention of letting them in for their own benefit but than they explained that it was friend days stag nights and they were on a mission to have one pint in every establishment that sold alcohol in the town into my place was the second last on the list keep in mind this is rural Island and we counted 18 different premises that sell alcohol I knew the guys well and they weren't troublemakers and were close friends of the owner so with his approval I let them in for a pint kicking our time comes and they are both slumped over half finished pints of Guinness friend B gets up to stumble to the toilet and as he leaves friend a pukes all over the table and most of it ended up directly in the glass in front of him friend B arrives back after a minute before the stuff could clean the mess up and in his drunken state took no notice of his friends situation he told him to get a move on so they could make the last bar and friend a proceeds to pick up the glass of 70% puke 30% Guinness and downs it in one go obviously forgetting his recent under-eye gag yet friend a didn't even bat an eye drank the lot and stumbled out of the bar with his friend on to the last pub at the bottom of the world there is a city in this city there is an Irish pub in this pub I witnessed a goddamned miracle a young beautiful couple had been arguing back and forth in the corner for some time and I had overheard through my crude understanding of Spanish that she was worried she might be always pregnant I wasn't trying to eavesdrop or anything they were quite vocal and it was very drawn-out he wanted her to leave her parents and live with him or something like that but her father hated him and wouldn't let her an hour or so passed and the father came charging in with the police to arrest him for what exactly I wasn't sure at that point the angry father was screaming at the young man so violently his face went blood-red and he started taking massive gasps of air but looked as though no air could enter his lungs he repeatedly tried drawing air in until he collapsed into a ball on the ground the young man immediately sprung into action pulling out a Swiss Army knife and grabbing a straw off the bar and performed an emergency tracheotomy the sound off at first gasp of air in a room so solemnly silent was the most incredible noise I have ever heard in my life the entire bar erupted and cheer and the relief as the rush of adrenaline faded left many with trembling hands as he was taken out to the ambulance the father with tears in his eyes was holding the hands of the young man and mouthing the words lo siento lo siento lo seemed to over and over again comer mouthing the words I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry for the lazy like me in a bar club in not so rural Island see this crap faced guy come upstairs looking a little shifty he edges over to a low table where there are a load of glasses and without earning a round picks one up and holds it as if it was his waits a bit to see if anybody challenges him a real bro before chugging it back he barely registered that he'd picked up a glass with a candle in it and poured hot wax over his face before moving on or crazy kids you losers keep drinking your beers that just leaves more delicious candle wax for me Oh Frick that's good it melts the stress right off your face well my favorite bar in the universe's in Wisconsin it is an old house from the early 1900's which was a party house for many years and got converted to a bar in the 1980s this place could have volumes written about the owners clientele and stories from the bar however since it was converted from a house the front room still has a giant front window which was common at houses in this area from that period this bar is called the port across the street is another far worse bar that is a standalone brick building with an alley running alongside the bar I think at the time it was called harbor Sidon a bunch of my pals are boozing and looking out the front window when we see a couple disappear into the alley they duck behind the dumpster and since the man is standing and making pleasurable faces and the woman has disappeared behind the trash bin it is quite obvious to the Saachi blowing him behind the dumpster since we are viewing this all from about 40 feet away and through the closed glass it is like the funniest silent movie porno that we could imagine and we all enjoyed a few good laughs over our beers and viewing entertainment of course a discussion evolved on dumpster head and the merits of a woman willing to imbibe in a mouthful of muta hind the dirty by garbage dumpster the next thing we know a woman emerges from the front door she looks left looks right walks back into the bar whilst the guy is still receiving the dumpster BJ a few minutes later the same woman comes out of the front door with phone in hand and walks toward the alley when she sees a blower and blowing she goes hey whoa ha bear in mind we are watching all of this as a silent movie but you can see the woman erupting with anger the chick who was giving the dumpster BJ scuffles away and the guy and second woman continue to argue and go nuts the woman briefly stops arguing with the guy and goes back inside the bar she comes out a third time without purse in hand and confronts the dude again this time she whips off a ring throws it on the ground and scurries off toward her car where she drives away the scene closes with a dude aka the BJ receiver on his hands and knees searching under a beat-up minivan for the wedding ring his wife apparently just threw on the ground and again all without sound if the narrative was unbelievable no sound required to understand the full story or TL DR dumpster BJ's a woman scorned a marriage destroyed and we watched it all there's a life silent movie one night it was slow two guys came in they order beers and one of the guys pulls off a nun eboot pours his drink into the boot and starts drinking this was not a quick little stunt it goes on for a while people start to notice and get increasingly weirded out the two guys asked for more beer and the bartender is really grossed out and having a heart of it but basically gives in a pause more by the way watching someone drink out of boot is really disgusting they weren't laughing they were both kind of solemn not enjoying it no one was talking to them it was pretty Leary I was sitting there trying to figure out what this was about why the Frick was it happening finally I thought I figured out what was going on I came up to them squared off look the guy that was drinking out of the boot and said showing your loyalty to him because he wronged him somehow there was a pause in the non boot drinker said yep caught him with my girlfriend I dumped her and don't want to lose him as a friend a little booty can both destroy and repair a friendship I worked in a burlesque club that quickly descended into chaos and disgusting men worst I saw was a man was standing outside the bathroom spinning in a circle P ah the always popular 360 P I was on a uni trip to China and my boyfriend and I were with some friends at a bar in Beijing it was about 4:00 a.m. and we decided to leave just as we were about to walk out a fight breaks out on the dance floor we tend to look in the bar Starfall start taking off their shirts grabbing bottles of alcohol from behind them and start breaking barstools they head over to the dance floor with their crude weapons and start smashing bottles hitting everyone with barstools that was insight worst part was some innocent guy that was trying to walk away from the fight got a whole glass bottle broken on his head he went down and started convulsing on the floor blood everywhere his friends grabbed him and dragged him outside everyone thought he was dead it was awful Chinese bars are some intense crap at one of my favorite bars there's the main bar but there's also one in the back corner for basic drinks and bottles there's a small sink laps actually outside the bar parameter for dumping drags and ice looked over one night to see a guy pee in like a urinal I tell my friends we have a laugh the guy finishes up and another guy steps up behind him and proceeded to do the same thing there is a line of drunk guys to pee in this sink in the open bar on a bar patio at around 11:00 p.m. or so I was having some drinks with friends and then began to have an intense political discussion with one of my profs old teaching assistants who was also they went out of the blue mid conversation he just project vomits to the left but it lasted about 10 seconds and created a steaming pile of vomit beside us he then proceeded to continue where we left off in the conversation like nothing happened as if he didn't just cover half of the patio with his upchuck my older brother was at the Australian Defence Force Academy for a couple of years and I went out one night for drinks with him and a bunch of his buddies it was a pretty quiet midweek night and we were in a half-empty pub with a jukebox playing solemnly in the background Eagle Rock by Daddy Cool came on and without so much as a glance at each other every single one of these army guys about 15 or so formed a circle dropped their pants to their ankles and started shuffling back and forth all the while continuing their conversations and sipping their pints when the song finished they hitched their pants back up and kept talking without so much as missing a beat in their conversations I turned to my brother and said dare I ask he said no you dare not I never got an explanation it's become somewhat of an australian custom to do what's referred to as the eagle dropped whenever the song comes on the lead singer of Daddy Cool went to the University of Queensland and in tribute the pants are dropped and one dances like an eagle saw him play live last year and whilst playing proceeded to Eagle drop top bloke don't know if there is a vow reason to this though let's see all of this at a place called Gandalf's some guy gets roofied and another guy proceeds to make out with him the victims female friend is screaming and trying to break them apart blood all over the urinal some guy started shoving me and I pushed him back he fell on the ground which is literally covered in broken glass and sort cutting his wrist open and bleeding everywhere the bouncers using a Taser on people in the street outside there's this obese goth guy with a glass eye and rides a really old motorcycle he emits great stench one night the place is so packed probably a student night literally wall-to-wall with people yet despite the dense fog of unventilated cigarettes miasma people avoid him with at least her 1 metre radius he was like Moses parting the sea there's probably more I used to work at a bar so I have a few stories from a few different positions but this one from when I was a bathroom attendant is my favorite we had a dwarf in the bar that night he got absolutely smashed he came into the bathroom a beer in each hand and realized he was too short for the urinals so he went into the stall to pee he didn't close the stall door and started peeing I honestly don't remember if he put down his beers to undo his fly but he managed to get the urine into the bowl so whatever once he finished he spun around on the heels of his tiny feet shouted I tease party time and ran out of the bathroom his else like dong just dangling from his pants I do not know what happened to him after this worst thing I saw I used to work in a backpackers bar in London these three Canadian guys turned their shot glasses over one night and looked at me in the manager then said give us Southern Comfort they're like what the heck are you gonna do with it they go put it in the little dip we're gonna snort it manager says what the hey so we fill up the little dip with Southern Comfort which they promptly snort oh god dang that burns holy frickin heck a game a game so we give them some more holy crap that burns aargh flick flickered gained the game they were like freaking Teletubbies Teletubbies that swear and snort liquor I ended up losing track of him after a few times because I was mostly working the floor that night but when it came time to kick everyone out I came across on passed out on the floor underneath a table one of the girls in the group dragged him off when I found her TL DR had three Canadian snorting southern comfort in my bar I'll have to try that with coke on a weekend trip to Nashville my buddies and I ventured into tutsis bar and got pretty lit while there we decided after an hour or so to make our way to another establishment and made our way to the door the setup there is so that the live band plane is situated directly next to entrance/exit so we walked right past the band to leave the Lessing ER for some reason decided to call out my buddy behind me saying something like aw getting too late for you my buddy who happens to be a fairly large fellow at about 315 pounds 6 feet 3 inches turned to him and slowly lifted a corner of his shirt to expose a big ol nip the band's frontman laughed and called him out again you won't do that on stage wrong thing to say my buddy jumped up on stage and completely tore off his pearl snap shut and danced to the entirety of Hank Williams Junior's all of my rowdy friends for a big guy my buddy has some moves they finished up the song he jumped off the stage flipped off the lead singer and we walked out the door to roar ass applause and cheering that's TN drinkin whiskey and beer and getting rowdy about a year ago I was outside this bath requested by the pool students while I was getting food this bar is known as a real crap show college kids being just absolutely trashed as heck but there was this one girl who really hit it out of the park she staggers outside of the bar in your standard skank armor miniskirt and low-cut top she sways for a few seconds then grabs on to a small tree and unleashes a projectile spew at least three feet out into the street as this is happening I notice a puddle forming between her feet something is glistening on the side on her leg the lady was firing from both ends now at this point I imagine alcohol had shut down all but the most basic reptile parts of the limbic system the deep evolutionarily ancient part of the brain that only computes danger horniness and rage she looked at her work for a few seconds slack-jawed with a pronounced forward lean arms hanging at her sides like one of Romero zombies she then reached up grabbed two handfuls of leaves and threw them on the puddle of urine she did this for about five or ten minutes no doubt attempting to obscure her scent from Sabah toothed cats and woolly mammoths that her hind brain told her must always be a threat upon finishing her task she staggered back into the bar and they let her in slow night at the pub and three of my friends and myself were watching a baseball game hanging out with the bartender who were friends with guy nobody knows walks in looks completely hammered he takes two steps stops and leans under the door with a weird look of extreme concentration on his face after a few seconds of what looks to be an incredible amount of mental anguish he quickly walks past us without a word and goes to the bathroom seconds after he passes us my friend looks at me and goes bro that's nasty you just fart nah man I thought that was you the four of us and the bartender all look at each other nobody farted dude that guy may or may not have just crapped himself twenty feet from a bathroom bartender sends the kid who was training to check in the bathroom and we all follow kid walks in and the guy was standing in front of the sink naked from the waist down wiping his butt with his pants what a freak are you doing euhh I think I myself bartender immediately goes to throw the guy out and he locks his crap stains self in the stall after five minutes of yelling at the guy threatening to cool the corpse he fills an ice bucket with water and dumps it on the guy which finally gets him out of the stall unfortunately it also floods the bathroom floor with crap so now in addition to crap on the sink crap on the toilet seat and crap on the walls of the stall there's mother freakin crap suit covering the floor crappy Mitchum's l flipped out starts hurling profanity and shaking his crap covered pants at the lot of us and we all run to the far side of the bar lest he touch any of us he stumbles out of the bar still naked from the waist down holding his crap stained pants and underwear and leaves we watch him walk across the parking lot to Wendy's and a bank both of which were closed but both of which he tries to ran the door open with his shoulder at this point we go back inside and the bartender presents us with a challenge anyone who can't stand inside the bathroom for 30 seconds gets a shot of Jameson you cannot imagine the horror that was the men's room first time I ever turned down a free drink TL DR I think I myself TL DR guy shoots himself bartender makes entire situation worse someone decided to punch me on the head for no reason at all he broke his hand doing so sweet justice mine was similar but I ended up with a broken nose my crime was talking to the ex-girlfriend of the guy who hit me freakin w sucker punched me to bartending in 1999 downtown San Diego there's a big convention center downtown and my bar was about a 15-minute walk from it there was a Harley Davidson convention going on that night and it had been completely dead all night I sent the cocktail waitress home about 20 minutes prior when two really burly bikers stumble in I'm a pretty dang burly guy myself but these guys had an edge to them that made my neck hair raise up one guy walked straight to me at a bar the other one heads to the back towards our bathrooms the guy orders two beers and I crack em and set them down he proceeds to chug one then the other and orders two more by now the other guys come back from the bathrooms as I'm setting the next two beers down he grabs one with one hand into the other I notice he's clutching a five-dollar bill very tightly there was something wrong about it and I started to stare to figure out what it was the bill was made with blood blood was also I now noticed dripping steadily from the bottom of his hand where he was clutching the money apparently using it to try and soak up some of the blood he sees me staring and with the creepiest voice says you should see the other guy and smiles all weird his friend slaps him on the arm and tells him to shut up I quickly divert my attention elsewhere and start cleaning some bottles about five minutes out of this I hear a lot of rumbling and about twenty fricking choppers come rolling up I'm like foo foo I was seriously thinking how I was going to handle having 20 hardcore bikers in my bar with just me whilst feeling soberly anymore thankfully though when the bikers pull up the ones in my bar get up to leave the non wounded one comes over to pay the tab then his takes a $20 and pushed it over the bar it goes without saying we weren't ever here I not mutely and take the money when they leave I starts closing when I went to check the bathrooms before locking the doors always did just to make sure no one is passed out in there the crap was crazy that biker who was hurt must have had it nasty there was blood everywhere the trash was full of blood-soaked paper towels in the sink was covered in bloody water made the gorge rise in my throat there was so much of it I always think that night could have ended much worse for me than getting a late night $20 tip low TL DR two bikers show up at my bar after fighting murdering someone and make my bathroom look like a slaughterhouse but tipped me well Gay Pride Brooklyn dive bar with a stripper pole built into the bar a 50 - 60 year-old woman climbs up on the pole and starts dancing cool more power to her until she takes off her top all right then her pants then her underwear and she grinds on that pole like she has something against it like straight up slit on metal grinding then she gets in my and my room mates faces with her butt in my face to get dollars while I surreptitiously try to puke into my beer the bartender danced next I made her wash her hands before pouring me another drink I was drinking a whiskey and coke and a short glass with a tall straw someone made a joke my hand jerked up and my head went down thus shaving the straw up my nose my nose started bleeding and having been drinking it was quite the mess Hugh the following all simultaneously friend one throws up at the sight of blood friends 2 & 3 assume I've been hit immediately go looking for whoever hit me friend 4 laughs maniacally at the scene two more strangers throw up at the sight of blood I somehow made it to the restroom and cleaned up the blood without the bouncer seeing any of what happened how he didn't get kicked out that night is beyond me I was um working as a bouncer I walked into the men's bathroom I noticed one guy with his pants off sitting in the sink I noticed the walls typically white were now brown chunky and vomit streaked to boot I walked out tailed the manager I was sick and went home I never mentioned it again the best thing I have seen was actually the best thing I have done I was at a sweet summer bar four floors the top being an amazing patio looking over the Ahtna B River Peterborough Ontario I had drank with my college friends there many at times this time was particularly wild night my 21st birthday some friends waitress over served us there and most of the staff knew us pretty well I'm on the patio having lost all of my friends and gave the stumbles I can't seem to keep my feet under me but my brain and speech seems to be okay knowing I'm without a doubt going to break my neck and die on the several flights off stairs down or worse live with the embarrassment i wobble Dover to a bouncer I was somewhat familiar with and leveled with him I swore I wouldn't make it I gave him $10 and asked him to kick me out by which I mean walk me down the stairs on the second or third flight I leaned back and told him to sell it so he gently wobbled me back and forth and clenched the collar of my shirt all the while painstakingly making sure I was not going to fall I threw my arms up in the air and made party noises as the crowd cheered for me for being the fun wasted guy not the obnoxious or violent kind I got to the entrance at ground level and found all of my friends there trying to sort out where I was the bouncers straightened my collar brushed my shoulder off while I got raucous ovation from all my friends on my next visit the bounce gave me $10 back don't really believe you Hevy girl walks into bar drunk but endless says you are too drunk get out go lifts up just to reveal sad little fried-egg titties but and appoints at door and says listen Janie I have told you before and I will tell you again you are not welcome here that is disgusting nobody wants to see your tea beer especially not your brother get out I watched my friend pee into an empty be a pitcher under the counter of the bar it was crowded enough that no one noticed him doing it he then pulled out the beer pitcher poured some into an empty glass and challenged a girl to a beer chugging competition she accepted chugged half of it then declared this beer is warm and watered-down I was in utter shock and disbelief he later took the girl home and rode back door in the shower with her double violation high-five law the vomit one is funny sick but funny I think the most embarrassing one that I've seen was a toss-up between the guy who stumbled out of the bar one night and it was only like 10 p.m. to to vomit his $30.00 worth of drinks onto a police car parked outside or one time my girlfriends and I were at a club and some douche was hitting on us he offered to get us some drinks but then asked me if I wanted to dance first in the middle of dancing he started to get hard then whispers in my ear that his dong is hard in that he wanted to show it to me I walked away grossed out my friend took the opportunity for some trolling and started dancing with him he did the same thing to her but she said come on then let's see it douche whips it out on the dance floor she responds with that it starts laughing and walks away all the while the drunk douche is standing on the dance floor with his dong hanging out fuming mad calling my friend a frickin sea and some other fierce words the correct roll response to my dong is hardwood of bean so his mind my worst one has to be cleaning out the girls toilets in a club one night I opened the stall to find the back wall and toilet pebble - does chest height in crap and a crappy thong lying on the floor my guess as to what happened is that some and lucky girl was caught short ran to the toilets and unloaded her guts full force before managing to remove the necessary clothing resulting in a crap fountain covering everything possible behind her a sight I will not soon forget I work at a bar and few years ago a girl was dancing on the bar like girls tend to do well this time the bar was slippery she slipped falling towards as bartenders behind the bar and hid her knees on the corner that separates the part of the bar reserved for rubber mats one stroke two inch lower that's not the worst part first those rubber mats were stolen just recently so she nails her knees directly onto the corner and straight into the wood continues to fall forward then gets her eye impaled by a pourer from the house liquor located inconveniently below her she is so drunk she doesn't even realize fully what happened she then tries to pull it out as we all stand there mortified needless to say you can't dance on the bar anymore TL DR girl falls off bar impales her I might be quite tame but I saw the guy throw up liquid all over the floor of a bar somehow none of the bouncers or bar staff notice and the pukey liquid ice just left there a few seconds later some girl comes back from the loos and slips up in the liquid she is drunk and her maid struggles to pull her up but she slips over as well hilarious and disgusting at the same time American college kid got kicked out of the Oktoberfest tents in Munich at 9:15 a.m. to the tent opens at 9:00 a.m. so he managed 15 minutes flat before being banned this one kid in particular must have been roughly 19 or 20 years old and bought a mass or stein whatever you want to call it it's a liter of beer in a big butt mug anyhow he jumps up on the table and announces to his 12 or so buddies that he's going to scull the lot it's obvious to all that this kid has absolutely no chance but a-plus for effort so he's on the table and trying to down this enormous beer although while his table is yelling skull skull at him he gets about 20% of the way through and bugs out all his buddies start booing him he's pissed oh he kind of flings his beer not letting go of the mug but kind of flinging the beer in annoyance of his people effort unfortunately the contents of the mug land on one of those nutcase German security guards who promptly frog marches him out the door hope the trip was worth it mate I was a barmaid at a neighborhood dive bar in Cleveland there were rarely more than 10 people in the place at any one time the jukebox was loaded with terrible classic rock the bar didn't serve food apart from bags of chips and the occasional beef jerky and the clientele were mostly old reprobates who lived within walking distance one of the female regulars a woman in her late 30s was frequently the drunkest person in the bar on one very special evening she stumbled toward the back area where the ladies room and the kitchen were located shortly thereafter I needed something from the kitchen and went in the woman apparently mistook the kitchen for the ladies loo as she'd opened the oven door and was defecating onto it a few weeks later two of the old drunks got into an argument over who was president before Calvin Coolidge this was in 1988 before the Internet so the question wasn't as easy to resolve as it would be today one guy got so frustrated that he went into the parking lot and returned with a cinderblock which he used to bash in the other guy's skull the amount of blood that poured and squirted from that guy's was unbelievable paramedics said that his blood was ultra-thin due to long-term alcoholism the dude bled out before Em's could save him funniest thing I've seen in a bar is the girl drunk enough to leave with me it was funny because all her friends were laughing I once stayed at a hostel in London on the way to Morocco after meeting a friend for drinks I went back to the hostel the pub bit was shut but all the Aussie staff were having a mental time and there so I knocked on the door and asked if I could join them so we had a mad evening with drinks and people snorting stuff the end of the night comes and I head off to bed bear in mind it's a hostel and there were about 10 bunks in the room most of them full of weary travelers 10 minutes after going to bed two of the staff roll and jump on one of the bunks and start fo frig about three feet away from me after about two or three minutes the guy jumps up shouting and turns a light on crikey Sheila that's disgusting I can't carry on with that smell turns out she'd just taken her shoes off and had the worst smelling feet in the world he then gets her shoes in a plastic bag and hangs them outside the window the next bit is priceless he sits down on the bed grabs his phone and phones his mate who's downstairs just to tell him he had to stop shagging a bird because her feet were so bad - which she fasts upon and moaned I knew we should have gone to mind turns out she had a flat just down the road I love that the Aussie staff literally said crikey and Sheila in the same sentence achievement unlocks stereotypes doubt anyone will believe this and I can't still believe I seen it myself went to a club in Manchester UK called Factory and on the middle floor there is a dance floor me and friends were all dancing next thing we know there is a guy on some smashed girl in the corner freaking whilst stood up about 3 metres from where we were on a packed out dance floor we just looked laughed and carried on after a minute or so he came to his senses and she just looked a state really drunk and her hair was everywhere and she just stumbled off was by a long shot a weirdest thing I've seen not as bad as most but here it goes I was at this bar with a patio in the back raised one flight off the ground with an alleyway next to it a girl I knew had to pee real bad and the bar was jammed so she lifts herself up on the patio railing leans her butt over the railing a shoots out a golden stream she was wearing a skirt as for underwear I don't know what she didn't see was the dude who passed out in the alley way that she pee all over I work at a notorious late-night dive in New Orleans home of the one dollar and fifty cents Schlitz and we get crap all the time all the time people come here drunk at 3:00 a.m. and proceed to get even drunker until the Sun comes up most of it is random fights between hormone' enraged college guys that always end up bloody all people on the couch nearly freaking people freakin outside is always one of my favorites since it's kinda a dumpy neighborhood and the neighbors do tend to stay out late also is the vast number of people who seem to be talented enough to miss the curb and sprained their ankles there is a legend that if you get naked at a bar you will get free drinks so more often than I care to recount drunk men will strip in an attempt to get their female companions to strip rarely do they succeed but it's always fun to have to tell a bunch of grown men to put their clothes back on we instituted a casual rule based on bartenders taste that if it's on Jersey Shore it ain't come in through the door that has led to many fights for whoever is working the door but they're always those fun fights that you just love to have and win what else we have our random sea cabs we had to 86 one guy permanently because he was giving massages weird creepy massages he lives across the street from me which makes sitting out on my porch near impossible sometimes as he'll come over and ask for beers since I'm a bartender I must always have beers on hand right and the vomit oh the vomit I was behind the bar once and some dude opened his mouth to seemingly make a drink order when lo and behold a stream of hot liquid vomit shot out of his mouth onto me that was the night I closed the bar earlier than anyone else ever had we store our beer in sink like tub filled with ice behind the bar so our stash of the cheap beers was contaminated by his vomit I opened the door once while coming onto my midnight shift only to be greeted by vomit some guy was in the process of running outside to vomit and I just happened to be in the line of fire the worst is when you see someone you've been serving all night get out to their car vomit pure liquid for two minutes then turn on the car and drive away this is after them telling you they won't drive I'm sure there are liability issues for me as a bartender but some people are just self-destructive and will do it no matter what you tell them despite all of this I love my job more than anything TL DR I work at an all-night bar and crap happens constantly but I'm usually too drunk myself to recall all the details I was working as a bar back in a classy cocktail bar on London Bridge when one quiet night the manager comes in pleased as punch saying that he'd booked out the bar for an after-hours party and that he wanted us to stay and provide drinks until it finished we pressed him when he started getting cagey about the details of the party how many people what it was for etc and eventually he admitted that he'd rented out the bar to a group of middle-aged swingers two of the staff walked out straightaway while the rest office demanded time and a half and that we could leave if it got too weird he accepted and we carried on with the night I gave up after I saw naked 50-plus woman being double-teamed by a 350 pound guy and one of our bouncers grabbed my money a bottle of scotch and tried to forget everything I'd seen on the 4:00 a.m. bus ride home never sat on any of the couches in that place ever again I was a bartender in my early 20s and I have seen some interesting things but my absolute favorite was this one one night of fight broke out between two guys sadly fighting was quite common at this place I sighed and picked up the phone to call the cops while the other bartender went to go break it up as I'm on the phone I'm watching the fight and one guy's pants fall below his butt in the scuffle to reveal fishnet stockings instead of underwear I swear it was as if time Stood Still the silence was broken by one of his friends asking dude are you wearing pantyhose what happened next blew my mind fishnet guy pulled up his pants and charges his own friend the one who asked if he was wearing pantyhose hitting and screaming the word f his friend knocked him out in one punch then sat down and finished his beer I was at a party once where this very attractive girl puked all over a lounge chair and then stumbled away a two minutes later this drunk guys come stumbling over and before anyone can stop him he lies down in the lounge chair I was once at a bouncer at a bar in Philadelphia called The Plough in the stars named after an Irish play one night a man in his thirties came in with two women of about the same age they were both blonde and very attractive one was his girlfriend and the other one was her friend for the purposes of this story we'll call them Paul Irene and Ann Irene Paul's GF was what people in the hospitality industry refer to as an inconsolable beef in the first moment she walked in all anyone on the staff wanted to do was punch her in her stupid frickin face the night continues and Anne is really putting back the drinks by midnight she is blackout drunk and Paul and I carry her outside while Irina's endlessly bitching for no reason Paul is actually a really nice guy and you can tell he is embarrassed by the behavior of his companions and lets out a moan tilts her head forward and vomits the liquid equivalent of the Camden Aquarium all over the sidewalk near the door Paul is very upset but I tell him to relax and I go inside to get some hot water to wash it off into the street while I'm inside a fight breaks out in front of a club called directly across the street what starts as a scuffle turns into a brawl and by the time I go outside there are about 30 cops indiscriminately hitting everyone with billy clubs Philadelphia PD has it rough this is not meant to insult them Irene actually has the goal to direct her be stream that a cop while Paul is trying to carry and away from this scene she is complete dead weight and stretched across his shoulders Irene starts to get in the cops face and goes as far as to physically push him in one of the most righteous moments of my life the cop takes the billy club hold it like a hockey stick and cross checks are a good ten feet into a row of tables and chairs she is pretty much done for the count then I hear Paul yell what the Frick and he starts to rush the police officer while still holding an on his back I see the cop winding up to crack all in the head and I can't let him go out like that I step in between and get a billy club right across my clavicle I spent the next thirty minutes trying not to cry while I was being yelled at Paul slipped away with Anna and Irene here's to you Paul I hoped you dropped both those dumps nuts in the river TL DR I worked at a bar guy came with friend and girlfriend girlfriend got into altercation with police guy was about to get destroyed by cop I am tavini to try and save him I used to work in a pub in Bristol UK one night a bunch of tinker's coming think of Brad Pitt's clan in snatch we kick them out at the end of the night but watch them from the window as they were arguing loudly amongst each other suddenly two of the huge women start punching the crap out of each other the men try to break it up that eventually join in and there are now seven or eight massively drunk tinker's brawling on the street at some point one of the men picks up a huge breeze block and just launches it into the window of a nice car that's parked next to them they all turned their rage on the car and just destroy it they were back in the morning it was their own car as a bartender and heavy drinker this is the funniest story I have read here so far everything else is pretty standard bar nonsense but I find this quite humorous after a bar fight saw an EMT cut a man's pants off in addition to him not wearing any underwear he had a cucumber taped to his inner thigh I was with an acquaintance at a bar that was going out of business the following day so the owner was giving away as much liquor beer as he could people were really taking advantage of this and getting plastered my friend ended up getting really drunk and started hassling the owner of the bar about buying a bottle of high-end tequila for $3 the bar owner refused my friends increasingly aggressive and somewhat insulting bids for said bottle and offers him a shot for the road if he'd just get out friend agrees and is presented with a flaming shot of something in a disposable plastic shot glass it quickly becomes apparent that my friend has never had a flaming shot as he stares at the cup as if he were mesmerised meanwhile the plastic begins to melt and threatens to spill the contents onto the bar brothers see this and begin chanting drink drink drink so my friend picks up the cup puts it to his lips and surprisingly doesn't like the feeling of the flames on his lips just as I'm getting the words blow it out out of my mouth he tips his hair back and attempts to pull the still flaming alcohol directly into his mouth he misses and cause the flaming liquid all over his face which then causes his head and face to catch on fire this wouldn't have been too difficult to handle if a self-proclaimed EMT who happened to be holding a large cup filled with vodka tripped over my friends body as he fell to the floor in an attempt to put out his flaming hair and face the vodka spilled out of the cup and onto my friends flames I ended up covering his head with my jacket to put the flames out he runs out of the bar to my car I apologized to the bar owner pay a few bucks for the beer I had and Drive my friend to the hospital while there his no skin begins dripping off off his nose and some gigolos and their girlfriends start laughing at him I join in the laughter my friend is now called Ghost Rider TL DR Seger light head on fire fire fueled by more alcohol Hospital hilarity ensues seen my buddies singing karaoke too drunk to notice that his dong was hanging out of his pants in front of the whole bar nobody corrected him he finished the song and sat down I didn't tell him until the next day good times once when I was living in the French Quarter in New Orleans it was Mardi Gras and I was hanging out in a bar a few blocks off of bourbon with a friend and his buddies from out of town I noticed this guy stumble into the bar with two women that look like H they're all over him and they push him towards the ATM a common scam is that H will find a drunk guy and make some excuse to get them to go to an ATM to watch them put in their PIN they take that guy somewhere he passes out then they empty his account as much as they can he steps up to the ATM in the bar and I pretend I'm his best friend hey where did you come from how's it going and I told the ladies I have to borrow him for a minute once I grabbed him away I asked him if he knows what's going on and if he wants to be here he tell me he doesn't know how he ended up with these girls he was pretty blitzed but coherent so I asked him where his hotel is tell him it's out the door so many blocks over and up and to run out the door when I tell him to so many minutes later when the age realize he's not with me anymore they're like where did your friend go and I tell them I don't know he probably left then they start threatening me I'm gonna go get my pimp and you're gonna get freaked up bla bla bla and I go be please this is my neighborhood I know half the people in this bar who are watching you threatened me right now it s Mardi Gras there are cops on every corner gtfo needless to say they left pretty quick TL DR and some I roll karma by saving a guy during Mardi Gras from getting scammed by two H got threatened by those H then laughed in their face like a boss good on ya for being decent still a stranger I once was waiting outside of a bar with two friends and we were all pretty wasted we then saw a girl who had definitely surpassed us in alcohol consumption or she just has an extremely low tolerance she was all over the place and she couldn't even form comprehensible sentences words we couldn't help but long as she tried to break up a fight between two equally damnit guys it was like a mime trying to break up two drunken children her friend was mad and tried to sympathize with us to no avail she then spotted a cab on the road and walked awards at tripping on the curb falling face-first into a moat of half ice half freezing water on the side of the road this is at 2 a.m. in - 25 C northern Canadian weather she then painstakingly crawled through this two inch deep freezing liquid to the cab and as she finally got to it she reached helplessly for the door handle just as the cab pulled away in hindsight I feel kind of like a dong but it has to be one of the funniest things I've witnessed guy sitting at the bar a couple of stools down from me drinks the last of his pint burps into his hand then tilts his brass tool onto its back legs he baths between his legs onto the floor tilts back into his regular upright position and carries on best part but under what is this no reaction then comes over and hands him another pint if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music]

Channel: AskReddit Is Fun

Views: 52,817

Rating: 4.8609867 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, emkay, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub, askreddit school, r/askreddit how to, bar stories, bartender, funny, embarrasing, awkward, drunk stories, drinking

Id: LcNHll374jQ

Length: 46min 1sec (2761 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 03 2020