ER Doctors, What's Objects did You Need to Pull Out of People?

doctors of reddit what are the craziest excuses you get for people putting things up their butt so i'm not a needy attending i was working in an ed at one point in a very poor neighborhood in new york and we got a call from him saying we had a disruptive patient coming in this sort of call gets you ready for what's about to come or not as you'll see with these calls we assume it's an edp emotionally disturbed person and we prep a room for him we pull all the stuff a patient can conveniently weaponize out about five minutes later we hear screaming any yelling come from the ambulance bay it's just a muffled sound but we can sense the aggressive nature income the patience the air is loud and busy and right now it's dead silent for 20 seconds as we are evaluating what rolled in mind you at this point and the way our ed ambulance tritch station works everyone in the ed can see what just came in it's a very open floor plan the patient is actually patients it's a woman laying prone with a man laying on top of her also prone a white flat sheet and a mylar blanket are all that's covering them they are screaming and i mean unholy language and anger i honestly don't remember most of it but i remember that it was one of the few times i think i understood why cursing was invented they're just aren't words yet for some things so we get them into the room and uncover them he apparently forcefully inserted himself into her anus and she clamped down with pain he was well in doubt so it was much harder than you'd imagine to remove himself the lube which we think was just spit had dried now the woman really looks like she's in agony she's got tears but she's also a dervish of anger she's laying super still low and every time he moves she's got nuts so the attending attendings really cause we had surgery gi and the rest of the ed staff consulting on this decide he would sedate the woman and hopefully relax her enough to remove the man it worked but not to her benefit as the man had done a fine mess of her backside and there was copious amounts of blood she ended up being rushed to the ear and he was later lost to follow up i don't know what happened to the woman but i assume she did well or we would have heard about it he claimed that bee wanted it i remember this because i thought the nurse i was with at the time was going to reach over and giant fought him once upon a time i was a lab assistant in a hospital one of responsibilities was to take all sorts of things from surgery to pathology these things ranged from limbs to placenta as well as items removed from the body and they came down on a dumb waiter that alerted us with a siren and flashing lights so it was a big ordeal we got all sorts of interesting things like one time i had to bring a full leg to pathology which was a lot heavier than one might assume anyway we had a new hire who was super stoked to receive his first item from surgery so the alarms go off one day and he jumps up i got it and the excitement on his face was palpable he rushes over to the dumb waiter and in one hand picks up the paperwork and the other a giant tube of chorizo sausage we all knew instantly what it was but being a naive new hire he had a look of puzzlement as his eyes wandered from the tube of chorizo to the paperwork where he read out loud removed from shitty chewed cavity omgw and drops the meat tube on the ground i can't remember how long we all laughed for but for every holiday since he always received a tube of chorizo sausage no matter who was his secret santa i freaking love chorizo this comment will not ruin it for me i'm on a nurse i've heard all the excuses one guy put a light bulb in a condom and shoved it up his butt the x-ray looked exactly like that scene from scrubs i can't remember what his excuse was but at some point during the a visit he locked himself in a bathroom and tried to poop it out i was banging on the door and screaming for him to come out and stop trying or it would it would break would break would break would break would break would break would break would break would break would break would break would break would break it was a strange scene a guy with a flashlight lodged in his colon said he tripped backwards and fell on it in the dark recurrent visits from a psych patient from a nearby psych facility keeps shoving game board pieces up her urethra she is particularly fond of the yellow piece from sorry i get shoving crap in your butt somehow the urethra however not in a doctor but a paramedic a guy had an unlucky slip and fall onto a roll on deodorant getting out of the shower poor bugger what are the chances i have also had a guy that was a hospital to hospital transport who pushed a tall narrow glass jar up his ass without the lid on it the jar created a bit of a vacuum which sucked part of his bowel down into the jar most impressive bit was he walked to the ambulance he walked like a bow-legged cowboy i forgot about another guy that one of our crews went to he had walked home with the shopping realized he locked himself out of the house so had to break in anyway he told the ambos that he was climbing in the window and slipped fell backwards onto the shopping bag and a shampoo bottle went right up the leg of his shorts into his ass it is always a little funny when you see a patient being wheeled into the tread area lying on their stomach okay one more we took a guide to hospital because he has six small plastic model horses stuck up his butt the doctors described his condition as stable okay now i'm done we went to a guy who lost his celeb up there notes came down on our screen telling the whole story so naturally my partner and i are giggling about this any i tell her she should listen to see if it's still on etc we got there and he was like yep there is a vibrator stuck up my button so partner gets out her stethoscope and says i better just have a listen to see where it is as she is putting it in her ears and before she can place the bell over steffi on his abdo he's like mate i know where it is it's in my freaking ass haha so she just slowly put the stethy down and they sat there in awkward silence for the rest of the trip yes it was still on i used to work with a woman who had two jobs one of them being a nurse she told us one day of a teenager that would stick a pencil up his dong when he pleased himself over time he would push the pencil in further and further in so once he reached a point where the pencil would go all the way in he would tie a string to it so that he can pull it back out well one day he somehow worked the pencil out but no string fast forward two weeks he was peeing a thick brown colored urine they did a mri and lo and behold there is the string coiled up in his bladder apparently it had worked its way up his urethra and settled there they put him on antibiotics opened him up and got it out he probably still does it to this day makes me cringe to think of anything going up my pee hole welp look at it from the bright side if he ever develops kidney stones kid won't have any problem passing them i dated a nurse years ago this one guy was in the air for lodge items but he didn't insert them through his back door he swallowed them and enjoyed pooping them out he didn't have an excuse and no one asked since a fetish was obvious he swallowed shaved barbie doll heads and would retrieve them from the toilet after some didn't emerge out the back door of his malibu dream house and started causing pain he went to the air post surgery he asked for the heads back he did not get the heads back it's always amusing when a memory particularly one that's over 20 plus years gone has so much attention several people have mentioned the grey's anatomy episode which came much later i don't know if it was related but this doesn't seem to be the only case of elementary canal barbie heads thanks for the gold beautiful redditer this was also on grey's anatomy with judy dollheads this elder man came in in the middle of the night for us to remove a candle from his anus it was one of those yankee candles and it wasn't just the candle itself but the glass that came with it too i'm not sure what he said to the doctor i was with colorectal surgery and he was completely honest about putting it up there it was actually lodged in a way that was insanely hard to remove we ended up getting some obstetric tools to unlodge it which is pretty unusual we did plenty of foreign object removal if the adopts couldn't do it on their own the interesting part is what he told his family he did not tell them about putting it up there but he couldn't drive himself to the air what he told them was i was checking myself out and i thought i felt a polyp [Music] this happened when i was working in the or a few years back i also want to say that i know it sounds unbelievable but i couldn't make this crap up if i tried i worked at a fairly large american military hospital we had this air force guy come in two hours late in the evening when he was asked to fill out a form that would state where his pain was he refused and calmly stated he needed to see a doctor asap a little time goes past and our head nurse down in the ear goes and talks to him where he politely refuses to explain what the issue is only that he needed to see a doctor this went on for a little while and eventually we got out of him that he was having some stomach pain so they sent him to radiology for an x-ray to see if there was anything there the x-ray tech a shy timid 18 year old girl who had been there for only a few weeks brings to our docker folder with the images this airman had a 24-inch double-ended ribbed black corncob stuck in his butt it was all coiled up like a freaking snake we get this guy into our all give him some mild anesthesia to get him to relax and there has to be at last 15 people in this room watching we are massaging on this guy's stomach trying to edge the corn cob back toward his butthole and one of our nurses says frickit shoulder-length glove lots of lube and she starts fisting this guy on the table she's probably elbow deep in this guy's butt when she said she got it and pulls it out me being me i had to know what happened so i go in and ask the guy what the events leading up to the incident were the guy looked me dead in the eye calmly said i was freaking myself in the bus with the corncob while in the shower i stepped up to get a better angle and sneezed it just got sucked up in tl doctor i ain't even know how to explain this that's a heck of a lot better reason than i fell on it not me but cousin isn't a nurse a guy came in with four tennis balls up his butt said it was an accident he just fell and they went in mother there are three tennis balls in a container not only did you fall and the container conveniently didn't go in but a fourth one that totally wasn't in another pack also made its way up another one was a woman who loved large objects she had a car shock way way up there guy with the screwdriver slipped on it and when he tried to push it out perforated his colon and he had a second butthole in his taint one guy admitted to it he was putting a one liter mason jar up his butt it cracked in half the bottom part came out the top part sharp glass was still up there intact all of these people required surgery my mother worked nights in her that was in a very low income high crime area aside from the gang-related gunshots that sometimes continued into the lobby mentally ill patients with foreign bodies stuck in their bodies was the most upsetting part of her job she had a lady who had literally sewn a potato into her fanny and came into the year in labor it had been there for a very long time she also had another lady who came in with a snake in her glory hole i can't remember what it really was that she or someone else had put there but she was highly agitated and fearful of the snake that had attacked her to be a doc that night was a freaking prince my mom was rn he played along with the woman's hallucination and told her he was a very famous snake sharma before he became a doctor he played a fake flute with his fingers and convinced her that the snake was becoming very docile and he was able to remove it then he dramatically faked through something on the floor and stomped it the whole works to this day that doctor remained my mother's favorite for his compassionate bedside manner the patient was very relieved and grateful when they wheeled her to the psych ward that night so i am an em doc had a guy come in when i was an intern who put a giant rock 10 cmx 6cm up his rectum when i was questioning him i asked him why he did it he said i was feeling lonely and i just moved on because i didn't want to delve in it further unfortunate part is that i couldn't get it out so colorectal surgery took him to the ore they couldn't get it out too so they had to open him up to get it out i hope he learned his lesson and found a better way to come to terms with his loneliness another colleague working in the pedzidi had a teenager who put his mom's dolphin-shaped celeb up there after taking it out he had to ask the patient's mom if all the parts were there to which he said yes not a doctor but a paramedic one i was trying to get the poop out of my butt so that's why you had your sphincter spreader 2000 with the six c cell batteries up your butt two i slipped and fell on it bulls we all know it's bs please quit trying it three i was asleep and my kid shoved it up there i take 40 milligrams of ambien as an axe and 0.25 mg of halcyon to sleep and i'd still wake up if someone was playing with my booty hole i am changing the halcyon dosage as it was pointed out to me in many comments that i was wrong and i was don't try to post and work at the same time kids somewhere there is a person who legitimately slipped whilst naked a fell butt first on something and no one will ever believe them i'm a doctor but not that sort of doctor anyway many years ago during my high school graduation the school got one of its former students to give speeches during our ceremony that guy happened to be an ed doctor and told us and all our parents and teachers two fantastic stories the first was about a guy in the ed with severe rectal bleeding the story was something like he had been out shopping and just got home when he noticed that he had a lot of dirty dishes so he did the sensible thing and put his bags of shopping down on the kitchen floor and started running the water now since he was wearing his nice clothes and didn't want to ruin them he decided to strip naked so naked he set about washing the dishes turns out some of them were really dirty though so he had to scrub pretty vigorously this of course leads to him splashing soapy water all over himself the floor and his shopping as a result he of course lost his balance and fell ass first onto his shopping specifically right onto an upturned glass jar of nescafe's finest instant coffee gravity and momentum being what it is the jar obviously went up his derriere so he had to get it out which he attempted by unscrewing it and sticking a screwdriver up there fast forward 30 minutes and he's in the hospital other story was much more tame a guy just inserted a toothbrush up his urethra and couldn't get it out guess that's what happens when you go bristles first doctor here the craziest one so far was an entire lego set here's how it came to be 9 p.m everything was going quiet then this couple came and the girl was literally full bent unable to move at all so we had a great deal of trouble trying to put her into a stretcher and a bed once we manage it the boyfriend didn't want to tell us anything at all about causes and ended most sentences with it so but so i decide to do visual inspection with a nurse at my side and i find a square lego brick encrusted in her ear so i quickly and carefully remove the piece and all heck came loose piece after piece she begins to push out every of these bricks i ask her to stop and tell her to resort to laxatives along an enema's safest thing to do but she just kept going saying the pain was too great to hold it in in amazement and horror i watch about 200 pieces of the lego set of pirates of the caribbean go out from there even the dangerous looking mast pieces came out rather smoothly i'd say but i'll never forget the last piece it was a jack sparrow figurine with hat gun and all and certainly not in a clean state you could see it in that figurine's eyes that it had seen some serious crap of course the couple could not really explain what had happened but at this point it wasn't necessary at all i could recognize the set because my daughter has won i'll never look at legos the same way again a nurse here working the front desk one time and had a lady come in and very upfront and honest about it me what are we seeing you for this evening her there's a celeb stuck up my butt me really her yeah husband and i were fooling around and it slipped all the way in me you said celeb is it still on her no i think the batteries died on the way here after getting vitals i had to have her wait in waiting room for a little bit as it was a busy night me okay well we're a little busy i'm gonna go try to get you a room as soon as i can until then i'll have you take a seat in the waiting room huh i think i'll probably just stand i appreciated her honesty and not trying to bs me not a physician but i have been a medic for eight years in a couple of large metropolitan cities worked in a for five and nbsp the most impressive one i ever saw was a whole intact bottle of hydrogen peroxide the kind you pick up from big box stores he told us he was on ecstasy and it felt so good on drugs he put some thought into getting it out by tying a string around the neck of the bottle what he did not think about was the vacuum it would create and no amount of pulling was going to get it out so while this guy is writhing in misery on his side to alleviate some pressure you just saw this string hanging out of his gown it was both hilarious and sad but i felt worse for the a resident that had to put him in stirrups to manually retrieve it when rotating through her in residency the best story i heard from one of the adopters was this this guy comes in obviously pretty intoxicated but seemingly worried about something he says he passed out and thinks something was placed up his anus the doc goes in sees some obvious signs of forced entry so to speak and does a rectal exam he can feel a small hard object less than five centimeters and but for the life of him he just can't grab it out every time he pinches down on it it seems to slip out of his hand he sends the guy for an x-ray and sure enough there is a small screw right where he was feeling the hard object he goes tries again and still just can't pull it out he pages the trauma surgery team who were not impressed with the consult after reviewing the x-ray the screw should have been easily removed by hand the resident on foot trauma surgery goes and tries to remove it herself same thing the screw just won't come out so to everyone's incredulity the guy actually gets sent to the or for an exam under general anaesthetic lo and behold the entire leg of small chair had been slid up his butt the leg of the chair was missing the foot and the screw was the part that would have connected it luckily there was no intestinal injury or perforation the guy comes out of anaesthesia and has no sobered up somewhat the surgeon goes to tell him they found a full table leg up his butt the patient gives a big laugh and says oh those guys and gets up and walks out of the hospital to not be seen again anesthesiologist checking in i was on call one night and had to take a guide to the offer general anesthesia around midnight so that we could relax his muscles enough for the trauma surgeons to attempt to get the flashlight out of his rectum he had put it up there for kicks obviously which he eventually admitted it created a suction air lock once inside and it wasn't coming out so off to the all we went once the patient was anesthetized the surgeons went to work despite one person pushing on his belly and another person elbow deep into the guy's butt that flashlight would not budge they tried using all kinds of instruments but nothing would work at one point we thought we had it but it was just the screw on light portion of the flashlight coming undone from the shaft so after we had been in there for about an hour with basically no progress the surgeons were realizing the only way to get it out was to do a laparotomy open the bowels and remove it from above the attending surgeon decided to try one more time with another staff member pushing as hard as they could on the guy's belly to try and push the flashlight down from above at this point we were all tired and a little goofy certainly in part due to the absurdity of the situation the surgeon reached in i think using a genecological tenaculum a really intense instrument that the jinns used to pull down on the cervix suddenly his face changed and you could see something give a little he said guys can i just ask you all one question sure as he pulled out the dang flashlight he held it up in the air and yelled are you not entertained one of my favorite stories from the ore once had a patient come in with chief complaint of foreign body of course my assumption was reckle but i was wrong the patient had his significant other in the room with him and was noticeably embarrassed when pressed for the story and complaint which was obviously not out of the ordinary in these cases he starts off his story with well i told myself this would never happen again then goes on to say you know how when you've been drinking and things just sound like a good idea looks over at woman while we were fooling around and you know those rubber worms you use for fishing well she put one of those inside of me and it won't come out i'm thinking what's the big deal you should be able to crap that out then he says she put it in my dong and it went too far and now i can't pee holy crap i'm suddenly realizing what he has done but i'm simultaneously baffled at according to him this has happened once before he tells me the last time it happened he required bladder surgery for removal well buddy if you drink enough that the act of shoving a rubber worm up your urethra sounds like a good idea maybe you shouldn't drink anymore if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Internet Is Fun

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Keywords: #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, emkay, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub, askreddit school, r/askreddit how to, doctors of reddit, doctor stories reddit, hospital stories reddit, reddit doctors, objects stuck in people

Id: 9PsXT5lcbLE

Length: 23min 26sec (1406 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 20 2020