What Are Your Best "That's Right, I'm A Jedi" Moments? (r/AskReddit)

while standing directly in front of one of five elevators at work I was asked what makes you think it's going to be that one to which I responded very seriously I always know right as the doors opened and made me look like some sort of wizard what are your best that's right I'm a Jedi moments I dodged a paintball once matrix-style leant back as I saw it coming and it flew gracefully over my head then I got shot in the balls but for a third of a second I was god I was in ninth grade and I had just gotten a digital watch I spent an unhealthy amount of time making sure that my watch was perfectly synced to the school's clock which was displayed on the classrooms television mounted in the corner since that clock didn't show the seconds I would sit there watch in hand waiting for the moment the minute number jumped forward when it did I would immediately alter the time on my watch as well so one day during English class we were talking about when do we get out of class I don't know why but the discussion got kind of heated for such a stupid subject one kid was adamantly insisting that we wouldn't get out for at least two minutes but I know from glancing at my watch that we were going to get out in 12 seconds I told him that and he just scoffed so I started counting down five he just laughed at me four people stopped talking and looked at me three students started rotating in their seats to look at the time too I started to get nervous what if I was wrong one silence within the area we were sitting in butterflies in my stomach the kids expression suddenly turning nervous and then a half second of time when I started panicking about being wrong and never living this down when the bell rang the best one I've ever seen was done by my dad mom dad and I are standing in the kitchen having a conversation dad casually reaches up and pulls a plate out of the cabinet not in any hurry turns to me finishes a sentence then reaches out into midair over the toaster completely unprompted toast pops up dad snatches the toast out of midair takes the most satisfied bite I've ever seen and strolls off like a champ I was sitting in my brother's apartment and this big sigh came buzzing into the room he said the ducting fly has been driving me crazy for two days before he had even finished saying it I reached out into the air and grabbed the fly then without saying a word walked over to the window and let him go outside then sat back down and continued the conversation one of my friends had just started dating one of the cool car dudes at my high school me being more of a lame nerd girl I had a bit of a hard time fitting in with this new crowd especially since my knowledge about cars was very sparse well one evening as the big group of car dudes and a few of my girl buddies met up I felt utterly Mel paste one of the boys starts telling a tale of woe about a part for his engine no idea which so don't ask that had gone missing and judging of the solemn mood of his crew it nearly felt like a relative had died suddenly one of my friends pipe up Vera can find it she does that she's totally magic all eyes on me what she was speaking of was my little parlor trick and knack of guessing where people put their stuff based on what I know about them absolutely not magical but a fun trick that I thought would stay between us girls only I am probably fifty Shades of whoop tarts in the face when I figure I should just go for it nothing could really go bad they couldn't ignore me more than they already did during the evening I had observed that this guy was clumsy slightly dazed and preoccupied he had dropped at least three things on the floor in just a couple of hours and he'd forgotten to buy snacks and he always asked her after someone spoke to you tossed it out it's in a garbage bag near where you work on your car I said with more confidence than I felt as it was his house he left to go to the garage came back holding a bag black garbage bag and I shit you not it was there the whole remote and art and no I didn't get off with the hottest bloke there or I suddenly became less nerdy but after that they didn't ignore me to them I was cool and I didn't mind letting them think I was magic because to be honest I ducking felt magic TLDR a story in which I sure lark some cool car dudes when I'm too lazy to get up to get something I'll just say the force will get it for me and be annoying about it eventually a friend will just bring it to me to which I reply the force has a strong effect on the weak-minded my wife and I have an informal pact that goes if I'm sitting down and I squint and make the Jedi telekinesis and add something you are walking past you must pick it up and make it float over to my hand without acknowledging you had any role and said process I dropped a beer bottle once at a party and caught it with my foot without spilling a drop it was completely on reflex and I know for a fact I couldn't do it now if I tried but for the rest of the night I got accused of being a ninja and it felt pretty awesome I did this with a glass of water that was about 2/3 for unfortunately I was more true to my ninja origins in that no one saw me do it outside on break at work when it started to thunderstorm the woman I was talking to asked why it had to storm now I jokingly said it was all my doing and snapped my fingers immediately followed by bright lightning and really loud thunder I thought she was going to shoot herself I went to instant message one of my friends and for some reason decided to start the conversation with that's what she said completely out of the blue apparently he was typing a complaint about his work to me at the same time so literally less than a second after I hit Enter my friend sent man this is so hard for about six lines after that I kept writing random lines and they all worked it was something like me that's what she said him man this is so hard me because I'm a wizard him how did you do that me creepily awesome him okay that's creepy him what the dark logs off it only ever happened once but once was enough sometimes I pick up the phone and fix problems instantly example hallo CIT service desk how may I help oh hi there I was oh sorry what's the issue oh don't worry it works okay thanks just posted this story a couple of weeks ago but what the hell it's a good story one time I had a girl in my car that I really liked and wanted to impress now this was in the late 1980s when CD players in cars were aleinu I had a custom installation that works pretty well but it had some flaws in particular I had to hit the play button whenever I turned on the car then the AM wouldn't kick in for about 30 seconds for some reason so I was in the habit of hitting the play button mace up as I turned on the car so the tunes would start up so we get in my car a Mustang convertible at the time and as usual I hit the play button as soon as I started the car but having done this literally hundreds of times I was very fast and fluid at it and the girl didn't even notice that I had done it so we pull away driving down Pacific Coast Highway in Southern California along the ocean as I recall so the girl says hey how about some music I knew the amp was just about to kick in so without even glancing at her I snapped my fingers in front of the CD player the timing was perfect the music immediately started up my expression never changed like I expect magic things to happen at the snap of my fingers all the time she just stared at the CD player stared at me then just shook her head with a little laugh I felt like the smoothest king of the smooth people once I was hanging out with at a friend's house imbibing drugs and alcohol and enjoying the subtle nuance of guitar hero a reasonable-sized group of us were there that night I was wailing away at the drive-ins one-armed scissor my friend Rocky on bass when I asked my twin sister who was somewhere behind me what's the greatest thing in the world um the kiss she responds for a moment I don't acknowledge what just happened until the solo came in it's a rather simple solo so I was able to rest my plucking hand and just tap that shit out I didn't consider this some brave feet until rocky looked at me with the X eyes and expressed his envy and considerable impression as I'm tapping that solo out my newly freed hand reaches into my pocket and pulls out its contents as it happens it's a small package of Oreo cookies I throw this package behind my shoulder to my sister to the utter amazement of the group since that day my friends regard me with a suspicion and mistrust your wizard at a friend's party and everyone is having a good time I'm practicing through the fire and flames on expert on Guitar Hero no one is paying attention to me but someone calls my name from the adjacent room solo is playing but I practice this song twice a day I go into the kitchen to see who called my name my friend was just wondering where I was but I hear behind me who the duck is playing guitar hero I walked back into the room with everyone staring at me because I only missed one note for the whole twenty seconds of the solo I was gone for didn't think I had memorized it Cooke dropped a plate of food and I managed to catch it before it hit the ground without a single piece of food falling from the plate graceful like a swan mother duck er I'm the mama of a toddler three-year-olds and anybody with kids can tell you that this will hone your reflexes to a sharp point I can catch dropped objects in an instant without looking much like jolly and mr. and mrs. Smith this is only particularly impressive when the dropped object is a full drink but whatever I'm also an expert at dodging thrown objects and navigating Lego strewn rooms with amazing speed and agility oh and the whole mom has eyes in the back of her head thing it's because you learn to hear that shit I can hear the snack container in the pantry being opened from the laundry room with the washer and dryer running don't even try it I feel like this has gotta be pretty common but I always try to guess where the train doors are going to stop or subway or similar railed vehicle I'll pick a spot and stand next to the platform edge and when the train comes whooshing up everyone does that slow shuffle towards where it looks like the nearest door will stop when it works I end up with a sudden crowd around me and the center of the doors right in front of me without moving a muscle I doubt anyone notices or cares but I take significant satisfaction in it when my son was about 8 months old I Jedi Mind Tricks him to sleep it was about 2:30 in the morning and he was very angry and very tired I said Noah it's time you went to sleep and waved my hand in front of his face as soon as my hand went over his face he was asleep it was amazing but my wife didn't believe me when I told her the next morning I did this to my boy all the time it's about them being tired but not really closing their eyes he flinched when you past your hands in front of his face he probably closed his eyes a bit longer than a blink and it felt good because he was tired so he kept them closed and fell asleep now my two month old daughter is just a punkin doesn't sleep at all she has her nights and days confused on the tennis court I'm about three quarts away from the basket of tennis balls when I take a ball out say loudly to my friend and now I will take this ball and I will serve it into the basket I toss a ball up and hit in the general direction of the basket should go straight into the basket like a guided missile the look on his face as I was elevated to godlike status was amazing we were jumping around a little after that I stare at traffic and say start moving now it hasn't worked yet my day will come you can tell when red light is about to turn green by looking at the don't walk like lateral to it it begins to flash white before the light changes when I would be at a red light when my kids were little I'd hold my hands out and say green and it would turn they thought I was a god now they roll their eyes at me I was telling a story to some friends and another friend wanted me to shut up so he threw a closed Swiss Army knife at my head from a direction I wasn't looking right at that moment I was moving my hand in that these are not the droids motion and I blocked it I didn't even slow down the story I finished it and just looked at him would have been cooler if it had been an open Swiss Army knife and you caught it midair then started using it to peel an apple or something I dunno definitely not best but worst still Jedi so I was hanging with a new friend I was a freshman in high school that I had just met that semester she was funny cute happy well one day we're over at a friend's house jumping on his trampoline when we go in for some lemonade we are sitting around laughing and she gets a phone call we hush up so she can hear her face goes from a chill happiness to a straight face she hangs up the phone I look at her and I say what's the matter grandma died she couldn't hold it in tears burst and she booked it out of the room her grandma had just died and I made a Jedi joke about it I used to work for adopt-a-pet as one of those annoying guys you hate collecting money for the shelter on street corners we always work with partners or in threes or fours covering all the parts of the intersection and one day when the work day ended and we were headed back to the van to head back home I legitimately just felt something off and I grabbed the girl I was working with when she was about to cross the street in a crosswalk with the sign reading walk and my tread just then around the corner sped an SUV and several police cruisers that would have murdered her she was quite grateful was driving in the car listening to XM radio told my friend what the next song was gonna be and it came on was pretty shocked myself stuff like this can be put down to subconsciousness the radio presented could have said get ready to turn your radio up because we're going to have some ac/dc right after the news then the news comes on for five minutes and you subconsciously remember ac/dc is about to come on the weird ones are when you're humming some Queen turn on your car and the radio picks up the song right where you were it's because we can pick up radio signals in our heads that's how the government controls you adjusts tinfoil hat the summer I was 18 I was a lifeguard at a swimming pool one day me and my colleagues get when that some 41 would be performing in a nearby city I was an avid fan at the time and so made up my mind to go little did I know two of the girls I worked with were also fans and managed to book off the date we didn't have a lot of staff and so because they booked off before me their request was accepted mine wasn't a few weeks go by the day before the concert the girls thought it would be in good taste to come tease me about it ha ha ha have a good day at work tomorrow shit like that I was annoyed but a good enough sport not to take it to heart so I answered you're going to get there and they won't even play something terrible is going to happen just to rain on their parade sure enough some 41 canceled their performance due to the lead singer injuring his back next time we all worked together It was as if I was personally responsible for the accident TL ER I accidentally cursed some 41

Channel: Best Posts & Comments

Views: 788,562

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Keywords: r/ask reddit, r/ askreddit, best posts and comments, askreddit top posts, reddit top posts

Id: dOmPtYsog-Y

Length: 17min 15sec (1035 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 15 2020