What's The Most BRUTAL "Comeback line" You've Ever Heard? (r/AskReddit)

what is the most brutal comeback you've ever heard my high school principal once insulted my mother's English she's not from America she just politely apologized for the mix-up and said I'm sorry sometimes I get English mixed up with the other six languages how many do you speak my best ever back in the day I was in quality control USAF QC whether bad guys who were always checking up on how equipment and aircraft were being repaired and maintained we were the guys who wanted to see the technical data route open and being followed we wore black baseball caps with white QC letters on them one evening I wandered into the avionics building around the midnight shift changed time there I was spotted by a technical sergeant who did not like me much he was surrounded by three young female troops and apparently couldn't resist showing off for the man ducking with me he said loudly look out it's Q see the queer chaser I quickly replied that's right sergeant Boyle I'll give you five minutes Head Start the girls all burst out laughing and the sergeant turned red and never bothered me again which one of us is a City Councilmember apparently the wrong one me 11 years old debating a CC member during an election campaign damn son a few years ago myspace Tom was defending Instagram when someone tweeted says the guy that was not able to keep a social network alive MySpace Tom responded says the guy who sold myspace in 2005 for 580 million dollars while you slave for way hoping for a half day off one of the greatest internet burns of all time check out James Blunt's Twitter feed he's always pulling this [ __ ] on his haters hater James Blunt is the worst singer of his generation James he's also mortgage free I had a customer angry we couldn't take another company's gift card he said are you saying I can't read I said no our store got sold we can't take those anymore the grace period ended two year years ago when he looked at the gift card again he said nothing his wife said I guess you can't read after all I wanted to high-five that lady my dad is a pediatrician someone said to my brother your dad touched my balls my brother's response was yeah and you paid him for it heard this from my brother who witnessed this after a night out a couple of years ago on typical Saturday night a drunk guy was standing in a long taxi line talking trash and generally being a total douche to everyone around him to impress his lady friend for the evening the people in line tried to ignore him for good amount of time but eventually they were pretty fed up with this ginger face [ __ ] the douchebag eventually started talking to a bald guy in front him saying something like I see you weren't the first kind line when they handed out hair to which the bald guy perfectly answered you're quite right about that but when I finally reached the end of the line they only had ginger hair left so I didn't even bother laughter then proceeded and the douchebag kept his mouth shut this is why as a ginger I keep my mouth ducting shut too much ammo to use against me in a hair argument never bring a ginger to a hair fight without one time with a very good friend of mine some friends and their friends anyway I just happen that these two very nice-looking girls were left with me and my mate while rest of the others were getting drinks or food we all just did the usual small talk and then it died off those hot girls were really not interested in us regular looking blokes so after about five minutes of uncomfortable silence and ho humming one of the girls looking around says out loud to the other girl making sure we hear it as well I wonder where all the good-looking guys are at I instantly thought yellow scum as if that was not directed at us and my mate who had some self-esteem issues as it was just started to hang his head slowly and slouch without missing a beat I retorted they are all probably with all the good-looking girls my mate wore the widest grin I had ever seen and I obviously had asthma on my face I could not hide so the two hot girls made humph sound and excused themselves never to be seen again don't know if it's true but definitely worth posting arthur wellesley 1st duke of wellington 1769 to 1852 undefeated general most notably victor of waterloo once when a hostess at the congress of vienna apologized when a group of french officers turned their backs on him he replied I have seen their backs before madam Lady Astor if I was your wife sir I would poison your tea Winston Churchill if I was your husband I would drink it I may be drunk miss but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly Churchill Winston don't play Demi lavato well some people work very hard for their dreams but it's just not cut out for them X Factor contestant that's why you use auto-tune and I don't a work colleague was sitting by himself and I said are you sitting with all your mates and he replied no I'm sitting with all of yours I was quite impressed with that I a Caucasian was dating an asian girl with the last name of Wang pronounced Wang who had a paunch on for starting drama and arguments sick of the shenanigans I once ended an argument with whatever I'm white and you're Wang I don't think she spoke to me the rest of the night when I was younger my mother would take me grocery shopping weekly and there was this cart guy who was slightly mentally handicapped and my mother would always stop to talk to him for a bit one day after going this woman approached us and said oh I guess today is when they let all the retards out very calmly my mother responded it's so nice that they let you all out once in a while it was awesome this one happened to me absolutely brutal but hilarious I was on a job site with a co-worker named Scott we doing some plumbing in an empty house we had an iPod going and a song by white zombie comes on I can't remember the name of it but the intro has audio clips of a woman having an orgasm I yell to Scott hey I think your wife is here he was sweeping up some dust after drilling a hole through some concrete so he scoops it up walks over and very slowly pours it on the floor in front of me with a smirk on his face and says hey Pat your mom's here my mother had been cremated about three weeks before this happened wrecked on a New York City subway car my grandma's friend was sitting with her and as they were talking her friend absent-mindedly started staring at a young group of men trying to be tough one of them called over to her saying hey old woman what the hell are you looking at and without missing a beat she replied I'm not sure but when I figure it out I'll let you know these two ladies are going back and forth jokingly when the question of possibly fighting comes up lady Eyre replies you are not worth the skin off my knuckles and without missing a beat lady B replies stop dragging them across the floor and maybe you'll have some left my own towering achievement drunk at a dinner party my sister and I were drawing mustaches on each other with a burnt cork a rather fat man walked by and said something snippy about the moustaches so I said if you can't have I can have moustache his wife still hates me edit yes I am a female my godfather was visiting our family and he noticed the little strands of silver hair in my ten or so year old brother and he said to my little brother that gray hair means a part of your brain is leaking my brother sensed the opportunity and said to the very white-haired man can't be good for you I know it's nowhere near as good as some others here but considering he was relatively young he's 13 now how quickly spat it back was what made it great I was at a local sandwich shop on my lunch break one day and while I was eating a man in his twenties came up to me a male and said hello I kindly responded back with hello - which he sent you look really sharp I was wearing slacks a dress shirt and tie I thanked him for the compliment but he wasn't done he said I don't normally do this but I figured I might as well give it a shot would you like to ever go out to dinner with me sometime me being the hetero ex SIL Mela Ram just said thank you for the compliment but no thank you he said okay and walked out leaving me to finish my sandwich one thing about this sandwich shop is it's right next to high school so high schoolers frequent it at lunchtime and this day was no different as I finished my sandwich I proceeded to walk out next to the exit is a group of three guys from the local school and as I pass one of them looks up at me Snickers and says fack now how do you react a 15 year old Punk callin you you certainly can't lecture them because it will just go in one ear and out another you can't yell at them because it makes you look their age what should I do without even thinking I turned around looked at his sandwich grabbed it and took a huge bite I chewed it slowly put it back on his plate and walked away not saying a word his face was priceless just a blank stare at his plate with a gaping mouth full his two friends could muster out through their wheezing laughs were oh [ __ ] the kid never said a word I never turned around just walked back to my car and left I'll be buried but it's a good one and maybe one person will read it a guy from my building is sort of special and he talks to himself a lot but not much to other people one day a co-worker of mine asked talking to yourself again Kenny hahahaha stupid laughing without skipping a beat Kenny replied better than talking to you mark and just kept walking down the hallway with no other response Gough Whitlam former Prime Minister of Australia when Sir Winton Turnbull who represented a large rural seat a slow and sometimes stumbling Speaker was raving and ranting the adjournment and shouted I am a country member I interjected I remember sir Wynton could not understand why for the first time in all the years he had been speaking in the house there was instant and loud applause from both sides when I was at work one day I was a cashier and overheard a man yelling at the service desk about another one of our employees spouting off about how we were terrible and how our workplace hires idiots my supervisor looks him dead in the eye and asked if he wanted an application really late to the party but buddy of mine is at a bluejay versus Yankees game sitting down the third line of yelling at Yetta Yetta you suck you're a bum Yetta turns around glances and says yeah I really wish I had your life my buddy used to get in bar fights in his early 20s whenever somebody started yelling insults at him and getting aggressive he would calmly let them finish their verbal rampage then as everyone waited to see how he would respond he would smirk a little and sarcastically say nice haircut something about that drove the other person mad always ended in a fight I was once in a hotel elevator headed down to the lobby I took out my phone to get directions to the bar where I was meeting my friends a woman in the elevator who was part of a group of people I don't know sneered at my phone and said like I hate technology to which I replied then why aren't you taking the stairs her friends erupted in laughter and she was completely destroyed Philip of Macedonia father of Alexander sent a message to Sparta you are advised to submit without further delay for if I bring my army into your land I will destroy your farms slay your people and raise your City the Spartan reply if Philip and Alexander avoided Sparta entirely I was with my family at the zoo gift shop went to buy some geodes that I could break open with my kids wife asked me why I would pay that much $5.00 for a rock told her I paid more for the on her finger rock purchase no longer contested not verbal comeback but I saw these two Jonah type girls arguing I see one of them lick her thumb and with a flick of her hand smear the other girl's eyebrow the smear a got her ass beat but we all know who really won that one girl won I can drink a lot I'm french-canadian girl too I'm Irish I can drink more than you girl one yeah but I can start girl 2 oh you know when to quit sounds like you're more French than Canadian I tried guide my work screwed up royally on a conference call his boss was on the line listening in shaking his head in disapproval immediately afterwards the boss walks up to the guy and the guy says I know I know I'm kicking myself in the ass already without missing a beat the boss says well stand up then so I can kick it for you because apparently you can't even do that right a good friend from school Mike had grown up really poor but was bad with money anyway and was known for always being broken blowing his money on crap once we were out at Wendy's getting some food and we dared him to eat a pile of onions in exchange for a junior bacon cheeseburger he did it but was still hungry so he started begging my brother for 5 bucks to bar me oh no man I gave you a dollar for the junior bacon already said my bro come on man just give me five bucks I'll pay it back he never had money to pay it back they went back and forth for a minute before my friend got pissed and yelled damn it someday you'll be broke too and I'm gonna have a bunch of food and I'm not gonna give you a damn bite without missing a beat my bro calmly says but Mike how are you gonna get any food if I don't have any money edit I should add that Mike gave us as much [ __ ] as we gave him it sounds like we were taking advantage of the situation at his expense but that wasn't how it was he pretty much lived with me and my bro during the summers in school because his family ostracized him for being the normal one I wish I was making this up his family was like the most backwoods back Ward family imaginable they weren't the worst people and had their issues to deal with but I'll never understand why they treated Mike like a burden the dude is still like a brother to me my father a Vietnam veteran marine in an armed robbery get on the floor no it's dirty I have a gun son I've been shot before it doesn't hurt that bad slightly baffled the gunman continued the robbery ignoring my father

Channel: Best Posts & Comments

Views: 330,844

Rating: 4.9419303 out of 5

Keywords: r/ask reddit, r/ askreddit, best posts and comments, askreddit top posts, reddit top posts

Id: wG_dSeEZAzk

Length: 16min 16sec (976 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 03 2020