The Worst Cringe Moments Shared on r/AskReddit (1 Hour Reddit Compilation)

teachers of Reddit what's the most cringe-worthy thing a student has said in class he's not my biological boyfriend what does that even mean means she has a mechanical boyfriend I teach math at college one semester I'm teaching a bridge course where students who have previously done poorly in math are given the opportunity to prove their potential the summer before they will begin proper classes basically if they fail the bridge course they don't get accepted to college one student is particularly defined to the idea of this class she fails to turn in homework even when directly asked and offers no excuse or reason eventually I directly tell her that she will surely fail the class at her current rate she gets defensive and claims I'm a criminal justice major I'm going to be a police officer I don't need math all I need to do is point and shoot needless to say she failed math saved a lot of people's lives that day discussing I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings specifically Myers lack of adult experience one boy 11th grade piped up and shared a piece of deep character analysis well she doesn't even know what it's like to have her salad tossed I saw my career flash before my eyes halfway through Animal Farm the student says wait a minute this book has talking animals in it no the French Emperor decided to become communist in a barn my friend's dad was teaching a health class to middle schoolers and one kid tried being a smart button said mr. Henderson have you ever had four GZA cool relationship without using a condom friends dad replied yes I have two children and the kid says yeah but did you ever have physical relationship without a condom whole class cracked up apparently I have told this before but it fits I was teaching English at a university in Japan and I assigned the students the task of translating a Japanese folktale into English and presenting it orally to the class one young lady chose Momotaro it's the story of a baby boy that is found when an elderly couple sees a massive peach floating down a river they retrieve it cut it open and find the baby he then grows up to fight monsters Momotaro is usually translated as peach boy but this young lady chose to translate it as the boy who came in my Beach she kept saying it over and over I nearly died trying not to show any reaction a little girl kindergarten drew a picture of herself then colored the whole page red when asked why she colored everything in red the kid said that's what I'm going to look like when I blew myself up our unexpected jaw hurt I'm a teacher who also works at our after-school program so I have kids from across several grades one of my third-grade boys was arguing with another boy when he shouts oh yeah you can just put your dong in my blood he was clearly serious and seemed to be under the impression that it was like a freak you type insult the other boy fell into stunned silence and some of the fifth-grade boys who'd heard started snickering they were kind enough to tell him dude don't say that ever again I'm using this now I had a kid in my music history class say Queen Dee Doo instead of Queen Dido for the whole first act of the play we were reading in class funniest crap ever this reminds me of a student production of the seagull I was in the final line of the play is the truth is he shot himself closing night it came out as the truth is he's shat himself curtains fall everybody dies of laughter my high school biology class was working on a project I tend to chat with my class while they are working on things a student asked mister are you married yes for the last eight years another student asks are you a virgin of course the whole class breaks up laughing I said I've been married for 80 years what do you think a group of students in that class started calling me Pappy chilo I had to look it up on urban dictionary and let them know it was an appropriate showed my students a picture of the Titanic on its end beside the Eiffel Tower to give an idea of scale a student asked how they got the big boat to balance while they took the photo the whole class cracked up and I gently explained things to her a kid in my class called the ovary of a flower the clitoris not a teacher but this is to cringey not to share a girl in my freshman history class kept pronouncing Nigeria as Nigeria she didn't mean to be offensive but no one corrected her I hope she figured it out good thing you weren't discussing Niger a student called me mom recently I'm a male with a giant beard in her defense it was one of those reflex things I've got him called dad more than once and students are thoroughly embarrassed when they do it teacher Dave can you please write x and 9 on the whiteboard Dave how do you spell X hex ofc the H is silent my uncle was at a fourth physics class at a big University he said one of the girls in the class thought that the Sun turned into the moon at night asked her haven't you ever seen them at the same time and she said she never noticed a girl in my class asked how the professor what happens with the Sun when it goes into the ocean and how it ignites again in my college biology class last fall a fellow student asked if cobwebs were living creatures yes and so are dust bunnies on a recent test when asked what the Holocaust was a girl replied it was when the Germans dropped the atomic bomb on London and this is a high school senior maybe she was from another universe my brother told me a story about an embarrassing moment in one of his first science classes in secondary school the teacher asked if anyone knew that two types of reproduction the answer being gamma Genesis and a gamma Genesis my brother raised his hand and with the innocent enthusiasm of an 11 year old in his first days of senior school answered genitalia and fussy according to my bro the teacher was pretty speechless for a moment before quickly moving on when I was in third grade we had an assembly about AIDS and HIV the speaker asked if anyone knew where aids came from one kid stood up and said from your dong I was teaching a differential calculus class last year and was talking about continuous extensions of functions with holes I was asking my students so this function has a hole at x equals 3 what should we fill this hole with a female student of mine said something that sounded so inappropriate all I could say is what I thought she had suggested certain male bodily fluid turns out she was saying cement but pronounced it scent meant half my class lost it and it was really hard not to laugh for the rest of class cement as discussed in Knuth scon Creed mathematics we were talking about a book in a freshman intro class in college when a girl chimes in I have a question and it's not really about the book but maybe you could help me out is it refrigerator or just frigerator there was an audible groan I reiterate that this was in college it's frigerator when you first take something out and refrigerator when you put it back in not a teacher it's in one class during high school a friend of mine said my printer ran out of white as some excuse about turning in an assignment with some of the printers I've used this sound reasonable just before the end of the class on the day before winter break I wished my students a Merry Christmas happy Chanukah Oh blessed Kwanzaa my German exchange student asked Chanukah what is Chanukah I explained it was the Jewish holiday that falls in the winter she said oh I've never heard of that we don't have many Jews in Germany she was a sweet girl if a little airheaded sometimes she wasn't making a joke my dad's a teacher and he said a student once asked him what he did for a living the day before my wedding a student yelled have a great wedding ms linguist wear a condom kids got sense one girl in an English class a few years ago 16 - 17 years old didn't know the word crater or the existence of the Grand Canyon that's a problem I remember in high school one girl was giving a presentation on something and kept mentioning the shiites but pronounced it shibez for her whole 10 minute thing this one kid was laughing his butt off the whole time while he kept asking her wait oh she had no idea and just kept saying with a straight face the shibez one girl did a presentation in hittites and she went through while presentation straight-faced calling it high titties everyone was losing it and she couldn't figure out why a student raised his hand and asked to go to the bathroom during a lecture in geology 101 with about 200 other students to be fair we have had to ask to go to the bathroom since we were about 4 or 5 it's probably so engrained into his process in school that any deviation from that set standard is a surprise I taught English in Japan for several years working in a public elementary school when I would teach body parts to my kids one of the games I like to use is the monster game I say a body part in a number and the kids draw that many of that body part on their monsters five arms means everybody makes sure their monster has five arms and three heads means everybody's monsters will have three heads etc etc in younger classes you do this without the number but at higher levels I like to start throwing in adjectives like three big purple eyes so that the kids have to be a bit more on their toes I've even done this game with some of my special ed kids which was particularly interesting so this particular special ed class was largely kids with moderate emotional behavioral problems but nothing major in the way of mental handicap which means that as long as you proceed with caution you can do pretty much anything that the other classes of their ages do most of these kids are fourth fifth and sixth graders as well which means that you can't just stick to basic lessons like colors and numbers because they get bored and bored equals out of control so we're playing the monster game I'm saying body parts and numbers and sometimes a big or a small in there to mix it up since this was the body parts lesson one fifth-grade girl decided to speak up my mom said that she hates her new boyfriend because he has got a small dough unfortunately this was said in Japanese which means that everyone in the classroom heard it and understood which meant that the entire class especially the 5th and 6th grade boys erupted in laughter and the rest of the lesson was underscored by the kids assuming that every body part I was about to say would be dong the rest of the lesson was underscored by the kids assuming that every body part I was about to say would be penis I'm glad immature humor is something that translates very well across cultures my mother runs a small farm with chickens and roosters among other animals so I was volunteering in my daughter's first-grade class and they were making words with the Ox spelling pattern like sock Rock etc a kid made the word dong and the teacher said that it was another name for a rooster my daughter suddenly yelled oooo my grandmother has a dong I teach SX ed so I have a lot of stories my favorite is still when a girl raised her hand having elected not to put a card in the anonymous question bucket to ask cam you get hemorrhoids from anal thankfully there wasn't immediate deafening laughter because most of them didn't know what hemorrhoids are teaching 10 - 12 year olds is a gold mine of cringy comments I can't pick I don't think anyone here has has a wet dream yet do you asked by a fifth grader the day after they watched the human growth and development video when a boy bumped into a desk and hit a sensitive spot oh crap my balls oh no I said crap crumples go floor or crap my balls I said it again if I liked girls I'd like you I mean not that I don't like girls well I don't not because I'm gay not that gay is bad but I'm not gay but I don't like girls I think because I haven't gotten to puberty yet made even better by the long pause between each sentence and the confusion on the poor girl's face I think that poor little boy gets a pass on swearing in an eighth grade algebra class I don't even need to know this stuff I'm going to be an astronaut the teacher responded by looking the students right in the eyes and saying that's literally the most ignorant thing ever heard had a kid think Washington DC stood for the capital I taught English in China for a summer we were doing a unit on working from home and I asked my students what types of people worked from home one guy speaks up first answer Hicks nope not sure what he means their second answer black people getting worse third answer criminals I'm dying of embarrassment at this point and my students have no idea why finally I figure it out he was talking about hackers something that might not be immediately obvious the Chinese word for hackers sounds similar to the English one Heka i ike it's borrowed from english it just so happens that the two characters used mean black and guess customer i have called several teachers mom are more than fifty occasions through idk did that to my boss yesterday I want to die I am having puberty may I go to the nurse I remember in biology class in high school a kid once asked if trees could be [ __ ] my high school seniors were having trouble analyzing the reading Macbeth and one of them called out we don't read this stuff we're black still hurts maybe you should have done a fellow instead not a teacher but once in seventh grade I raised my hand in a library full of people all being quiet of course and shouted to my teacher across the room what is incest she choked on her Gasper little then came over and politely and quietly gave me an age-appropriate explanation a friend of mine had to send a boy home from her kindergarten class for saying flick the police kindergarten hey seville and the great what does TW a teeming ninth grader my group of friends once had a soccer game with a bunch of teachers it was a cold rainy Tuesday night ten miles north of Stoke - my group of friends did what we usually do post pay get changed as quickly as possible avoiding removing the underwear with the intention of showering once we get home our teachers did what they usually do post pay get completely butt-naked and used the school shower having been able to close my eyes before seeing a multitude of teacher dong I was lucky enough to see nothing I did however jokingly give one of my teachers the nickname Big John Doe and it kind of stuck three months later a friend who wasn't part of the match asked for an explanation of the Big John Doe nickname I explained it as he got naked in front of me I saw his dong its massive next lesson the above friend and I have Big John Doe as our teacher that friend decides to ask him so kW 13 calls you big John Doe because he saw your dong and its massive care to comment I don't know if it's the most awkward cringe a worthy thing for him but it was for me that kid wanted to Frick with you there's a girl on my marine science class who gave a presentation on a fish and said they don't live in freshwater later on while discussing their diet she said they eat algae and shows a picture of it she then goes on to say see this is why I don't think they live in freshwater because that looks dirty she was a senior I asked one of my preschoolers what was for lunch one day during circle time she told me chopped liver and Jack Daniels another time I told a little boy I did a great job using counters to add he looked me square in the face and said yummy I'm the frickin man he was five oh one more I asked a five-year-old what rhymes with store he yelled on the top of his lungs W in the middle of the playground when I have a kid and they start asking me what's for lunch I'm just going to start saying chopped liver and Jack Daniels that's hilarious I'm a daycare teacher a child who comes to our daycare after school he's seven planned his wedding during school he told me all about it and looked at me saying you're gonna say yes right I puts nuggets on the menu for you office workers of read it what's the most cringe-worthy reply all you've seen had a management peer send out a long screed about the state of the men's [ __ ] on our floor very descriptive went out to all the men on the floor and a whole bunch of customers a design artist at a print shop I worked at ten years ago I'll call her said had always been one of those flaky but only just good enough to keep types she'd create files that looked fine to customers and on screen but required tons of pre-press magic to make printable zero real technical skill when it should have been half her job one day a little after lunch a company-wide email from Z to her husband came through where she described waiting with Glee for the opportunity to purposely freak up a big repeat yearly job right before she planned to quit eight months later a lot of print jobs are on a yearly cycle with local businesses this happened in February and referred to a $40 K job that came around every October as IT relief I got called in to check what happened and sure enough Zed's other e-mails sent on her workstations email address to her husband described other stupid things she was planning and referred to one of her husband's friends who worked for a rival print shop so it was clear it was a bit of sabotage and probably upcoming poaching Zedd was far less than an hour after the email was sent I didn't mention to my bosses that the email to all the stuff was sent when I knew Zedd was out of the office and had originally been sent before she went to lunch and originally only to her husband our other designer a quiet Mouse type who could actually do the work had seen the earlier sent emails at other times she needed to use Ed's workstation and copied pasted this completely revealing email into a new email to the whole company from Zed's workstation I just told her later in passing that I got her email about Zedd and gave her a thumbs up two of the partners at my old firm were having a not very discreet affair both were married to other people Narae was in charge of the summer associate program and sent an email around the firm with information on the summers names schools etc who would be mentors for who dates of events etc partner B replied all to a 500 plus person law firm attorneys paralegals secretaries everybody I'm going to pork you so hard later it was hilarious for several reasons including result rested active use of the word pork a co-worker of mine was trying to motivate their sales office and was saying to get your hands dirty and if we had any difficulties closing a sale the girls should shake their little asses and close the sale reached our CEO she wasn't there long I was a temp in a very large law firm for a bit one day a new lawyer was hired and HR sent out the standard email to everyone introducing the new guy and congratulating him on his new position new guy then replies all and asks the HR person with his benefits package pays for a hair transplant procedure I used to work at a law firm and one day an email went out to everyone about 40 people that was about a specific case and had very little relevance to my job position so I ignored it a few minutes later I got another email from different attorney with a snarky response well an argument started between these two attorneys still replying all to the office and after about six or so emails a third attorney wrote yet well my dad can beat up your dad by the way you have been sending this to the whole office at my firm about 50 employees there's a partner that used to reply all to conflict checks and other emails that are sent to all employees with ex city says hello right up until the day when another partner replied all with no one gives a Frick where you are today Bob stop being an attention W kinda the same thing but different I used to work for a company that was a vendor for Abercrombie & Fitch I would send emails to different people that work at Abercrombie every day one day I sent a request to someone at the company and got an out-of-office reply that basically said I am no longer with NF freak this crap freak this place everyone here sucks I laughed my ass off for a few minutes then called a buddy that works there pretty soon the whole company was sending emails to this account just to read the reply it took about an hour for their IT depth to get wind and take it offline people would type their password inside group chats thinking they were logging into a particular system I heard about someone where I work that meant to send out an email to the whole department a couple dozen people to let them know that for their birthday they brought in doughnuts for everyone people do this all the time this guy however selected the email list for the whole company instead of the department but they were getting replies from employees and other countries saying things like well I don't know you and I can't travel there just for doughnuts but happy birthday about 12 years ago I worked in a small office and a co-worker was telling a boring story to the whole office my boss went to email me to complain I was his sounding board but accidentally replied all to another company-wide email his message sent to the entire company I wish Donna would have emailed me this story so I could delete it she saw the email a few minutes later through keyboard up in the air grabbed her person ran out of the office my boss had to profusely apologize the next day we use instant messaging and there have been a few times where someone messages the entire chat group complaining about someone else's work or just them being generally bad at their job but usually that's quickly followed by ups as if that's going to make it better I worked in a very large government complex and someone once replied all to an email that was sent to the 500 plus employees with the caption this guy looks like Reggie lol the picture was of a large hairy man in a speedo I have no idea who Reggie is but if the caption was Acuras then he should consider buying some hair trimmers I was working in an office during the Iraq war and I get an email from some random private um need to shut the heck up puzzled by such a blatant attack I checked who this guy wasn't who he scented to I want to say he sent it to everyone in every command in Iraq Afghanistan and a few other places some say that private is still doing push-ups to this day that private is the sole reason we began pulling out of Afghanistan we had this guy from the main office Pete who comes up from time to time he's an arrogant butthole I decided that I couldn't stand that smug prick within literally 30 seconds of meeting him anyway we had had quite a bit of turnover in our department since Pete's last visit so a boss wanted to schedule a lunch so he could meet everyone so his admin sent out a mass email to see who might be interested in lunch on Thursday I replied back that I wouldn't be coming because I had a conflict and then I added plus Pete's kind of a [ __ ] would I hadn't realized that I had hit reply all until I heard the scattered laughter all over our floor our boss came over invited me into a conference room and said I'd appreciate it if in the future you'd let everyone decide on their own whether or not Pete is a [ __ ] would thankfully Pete wasn't on the email five of the full staff email that was basically help my cat had kittens who wants a kitten someone please take a kitten from me all the follow-up emails she was forced by management's to send five minutes later apologizing for being unprofessional working in the claims department for a huge insurance company one time a claim handler send out very personal customer information to the entire company every single employee including the CEO security staff building staff even cleaning staff so that's bad enough but then we have this other guy decide to reply all to that email asking the other guy why he sent him this message blissfully unaware that the first guy centered to everyone in the company so now the first guy responds still unaware of what happened telling the second guy he has no idea how that email went to him so this email thread goes back and forth reply all these two geniuses investigating WTF happened for like 10 replies they finally decided it was a computer glitch idk how they still have jobs a guy from my training class got fired for poor performance he knew for months it was coming on his last day before the obligatory this isn't working out meeting he sent an email to every single person who reports to our work site I work for a very large company so hundreds of people estimating conservatively that said nothing more than remember no one ever expects the Spanish Inquisition I guess everyone thought it was prudent to hit reply all to send back their confused responses for hours my poor inbox was getting flooded by their stupid replies the dude knew exactly what he was doing random user accidentally sends an email to an entire division of a large government agency saying shall he late cue an hour of people reply allign removed me from this list and then another hour of reply allign don't reply all the don't reply all loop is hilarious I've witnessed it several times I'll never understand the stupidity of several different people saying stop replying to all in their reply old mail over and over again okay this one is technically not reply to all but close enough the Dutch railways has a timetable up with push notifications egg if your train is delayed one morning last year basically all people in the Netherlands with this app that's millions receive a push message this is a test message dear colleagues I checked with software and all messages have been sent received followed by just so hey Joe believes that - hey Joe is a Mail's name this one dude accidentally sent millions of people a message just to prove his colleague wrong the GM of my office was having issues with the sales team he's been known to go overboard this time he hit reply old and called one of the sales guard dirty freaking and needless to say once HR got ahold of the email his 27 year career was over when I was in college I worked at a local ice one day out of the blue the LED sysadmin calls me hey do you know how to break into a kobold rack I need you to delete an email small hosting server euhh I could probably figure something out worst case I can reboot it and reset the password crap Frick never mind that'll take too long click a bit confused I just shrugged and went on with my day later I found out the reason for the strange phone call the custom I had been emailing back and forth with the sysadmin and the company owner regarding some technical issue that led to a billing dispute the sysadmin having a very short temper hits reply all without thinking and wrote something along the lines of just because dollar sign customer likes to take it up the ass doesn't mean we need to bend over and let him do whatever he wants he called me to break into the service so that I could delete the email before the customer had a chance to read it unfortunately the customer got the email immediately and received a lot of free hosting services coworkers baby died during childbirth they announced the funeral gun sales replies all with his congratulations to the deserving couple I used to work for one of the largest newspapers in the world one day an email came through that was literally sent to the entire company worldwide it was the contract a new hire who was a significant person at a rival paper was about to sign with a salary that was astronomical the body text essentially said give him whatever he wants the woman who accidentally sent the email was kicked out of the building that day guys sent her listen babe I just need to finish one last report and then I'll pick you up and flick your brain out in the car okay sounds awesome right Yentl we noticed the address he meant to sent it to was a subscription service for fake relationships dirty talk not a reply but my friend was using our interoffice Instant Messenger meant to send the following message to me well if she stopped trying to Frick all of her clients maybe she'd hit her sales target for once yet sent it to her instead he got fired someone at work sent an email asking for donations to his church he sent it to other 2k employees then the chaos started at first I could see my inbox rise in number five ten twenty five etcetera hundreds of emails poured in with some messages saying I don't want to donate and you should not send this email to everyone no crap I couldn't decide who the biggest idiot was were the guy who sent the email or the butt holes that replied all the best email was from the IT director telling us not to reply all because the server was going to crash and then it crashed I work at a public institution we send out terms sheduled to departments so chairs Dean's and administrative assistants can review and make necessary changes we had a chair reply back once the following I've made some changes to the schedule can you rerun the report and send it to me for my [ __ ] former secretary this is with the Dean chairs of the other departments in that academic college and administrative assistants of that academic college all copied in including the [ __ ] apparently she was on her way to being terminated for some reason she was gone pretty soon afterward the head manager of my R&D lab got a spam email about a Windows virus involving a legit Java detects file that had a teddybear icon JD BG MGR eggs he looks on his computer and lo and behold it's on his machine he proceeded to lose his crap and forwarded it to everyone in the company telling them to delete the file he did not run this by IT first IT was not amused a sign showing a teddy bear with a dagger through its head labeled the teddy bear Slayer was found on his office door the next morning our company uses an IM service that's divided into rooms for each departments as well as individual chats we had a temp one year who flew through her work that did did poorly she completed something like 24 tusks when the average temp did five or six but I'd have to stay late waste time fixing them it was too far into our busy season to do anything else so one night I messaged my coworker like ugh name redacted did like 25 things again now I get to fix them and she goes ugh Frick and then a third person goes that sucks and I realized I'd sent the message to our entire department including the aforementioned temp first time I ever made a co-worker cry it was so bad I made up some excuse that we Nuwas BS and I still cringe thinking about it worked at Max's division of EA in the late 90s we had a few temporary employee game testers including this one chick around 20 or so I guess some friend of hers emailed her at work one of those stupid teenager spams that went something like forward this email to five friends and your crush will ask you out forwarded to ten friends and your crush will kiss you so somehow she forwarded it to BA all every employee at EA maybe 2500 people at a time I suppose I think our email system allowed a recall function to pull it out of the inboxes of anybody who hadn't read it yet and I think she tried that but it was too late it outraged enough people around the company including Redwood City HQ Canada Florida and Texas that I saw her in her boss's office within the hour in tears we never saw her again given that she forwarded it to 2500 friends she's probably still getting non-stop flicked from her crush and doesn't have time for work the large consulting firm I worked at was rolling out new laptops company-wide and send out a mass email outlining the two laptops that employees could choose from once they received their notification that it was time to choose essentially a standard laptop or a smaller laptop that could be converted into a tablet several people replied all [ __ ] my absolute favorite reply was simply I want the one that can be like iPad all lowercase zero punctuation top-notch professionalism just last week an email was mistakenly sent over 100,000 people in at least a dozen different countries after about 45 minutes there were a couple reply all the responses a decent amount of people replied all saying not to reply all but didn't realize that the email server was backed up trying to send a few million emails some emails took over ten hours from the time sent for me to receive them this caused more people to say not to reply all as they hadn't seen anyone else's response saying so yet over the next twelve hours I and every one of the other 100,000 people received over 1 and eighty emails all having to do with wondering what the original email was or telling us not to reply all over 18 million emails in total a back of the napkin estimation said it cost the companies tens of thousands of dollars an employee mailed asking if anyone could take his 210 shift but he forgot the f and shift so someone replies to everyone including our managers and GM while that's a long crap in a high-end strategy consulting firm I worked in there were a lot of farewell mass emails due to high turnover one girl replied to one of those emails thanks you finally mustered up the courage it motivates me to get an out I'll definitely work on it pressing reply all was probably not intended corporate sends out a company-wide email something to the effect congratulations to this year's winner of the Lisa Martinez Award for Excellence some brown-nosing lines supervisor who didn't read the email did a reply all saying congratulations to Lisa Martinez sadly Lisa had died of cancer a few weeks before and the award was created in her honor definitely cringe-worthy kinder along the same lines but my ex-girlfriend managed to send out an email to all the buyer engineering students at my school with a cool video about nematodes it was a rickroll they disabled the reply-all option in my company for any type of mass communication that not before a few gems twice a year we get our dress code emailed to us one year a newbie decided to reply all and say things like I wish I had a job as good as your so I could afford these fancy clothes I have never seen so many managers descend so quickly on a person's desk before turns out she was bat-crap crazy so was terminated a few months later not a reply but we have large email groups that you can just type in the to field and it will autocomplete just like a person's name this perso sent a video to the entire company of someone ringing a large Bell at a sports game in such a manner that it looked like he was jacking off groveling apology in record time there's so many but my favorite was in reply to her congratulations on the successful project launch email which went to the project team their leaders and some executive sponsors someone on the project team replied to all complaining about the project manager making them work late or whatever she explained that if she saw him in the parking lot she would run him over and squash his head like a pumpkin it was followed a few hours later with an apology and an assertion that she was joking of course I was joking my car would have just bounced off his fat ass anyway what's that thing that you once said or did that you still cringe at to this day my first big meeting at my job with all the head honchos and I had to leave to go to a doctor's appointment I was so nervous about walking out of the meeting I actually said to my boss's boss goodnight I'll miss you my boss found it hysterical and told me I turned bright red as I shuffled out the door I told the receptionist at school I loved her once that was something in middle school I attempted to seriously convince a crush that I was a vampire we briefly reconnected earlier this year she remembers I don't they always remember always I was working backstage in a production of The Addams Family the play I asked the girl playing the old lady if the effects makeup they used to make her teeth look all old and gross had a funny taste they hadn't put any makeup on her teeth these are the things that make me cringe the hardest not the embarrassing moments where you make a fool of yourself and everybody laughs at you but the times when you accidentally say something super hurtful to someone even though you have zero intentions of being malicious we had a fundraiser in elementary school for the Easter Seals and the top people got Knicks tickets and got to meet a Knick for a day Gerald Wilkins called me over in front of one hundreds of people that afternoon and I asked him into a microphone while basketball players were black everyone laughed including him but I still can't believe I asked that when I was in sixth grade I used to call a girl every night after dinner for like a year I thought we were best friends one day at lunch I asked her if I could have some of her M&Ms and she said yes if you stopped calling me when I was a young kid my family was sitting around talking about your relative and how humorous she was they always kept saying how she was always goofing off I suddenly got the bright idea to contribute so I nted the conversation by saying or jerking off I somehow got the notion that jerking off meant being a jerk I had no idea what it really meant and I had probably never heard the phrase before so when my family looked at me with the biggest eyes I had ever seen I tried to back it up by saying you know being a jerk eventually my aunt realized that I didn't know what had really meant and said but yeah then the silence arrived I still cringe to this day in 10th grade a very attractive and nice girl in my French class who I had gotten to know over that year asked me if would I like to leave class early with her and hang out I don't know what I thought I was going to do if she didn't ask me but in the moment I simply replied why would I want to do that I remember she looked crushed as she walked away and the guy who was sitting in front of me turned to look at me and shook his head in disappointment she and I never really got along the same way after that I'd love to go back and just say yes or to still be in touch with her today dude dude dude woody we used to have weekly 20-minute silent reading sessions during my freshman year of high school where we brought in a book of our choice one time after the 20 minutes were up my teacher had us go up to the white board in turns and write down one word we came across in our reading that we were not familiar with I wrote him in at Rick's freaking A+ big fan of a certain DJ on a station I listened to via the internet got to writing regular emails that he would read on air I was witty I was funny happened to plan a vacation that involved being in same city as DJ he told me I should stop by the station and meet him I did I never ever ever thought in a billion years he would put me on air and he did and he asked me to read a promo for another DJ who has a difficult name and I could not pronounce it and I was desperately unfunny in the banter he tried to engage me in my embarrassment went so deep that I felt I was almost having an out-of-body experience this is not happening it simply cannot be real life I turned maroon I soaked my clothes in sweat I was shaking when I stood up to leave but I survived and oh I was 40-something when this happened and yes he was in his forties and knew my age and bless him he mentioned me in a nice way in the book he later wrote about his years as a DJ Frick man you're in a book now you're a winner in my book I grew up in a very white very rural town when I was in school people from our town because of the town name were frequently referred to as [ __ ] I had zero clue this was a racial slur and assumed it was along the lines of being called a Yankee as a northerner not friendly but not profane anyway a beloved man coincidentally Latino faculty member passed away pretty unexpectedly and I wrote a tribute to his life which was read at his funeral and published in various places that included the phrase for the man who made [ __ ] a compliment I meant it in the way that his excellence gave value to our town with zero irony and was well into college before I realized my mistake and no nobody corrected me I'm Mexican and I hope one of my white friends says that about me at my funeral I accidentally went to school high school in blackface it was Halloween and I was trying to be a silhouette from those old iPod commercials were all you could see was the headphones in the cord I got sent home by 10:00 a.m. back when I was 15 I was leaving Island to move to the UK and I admitted to my friend that I'd been in love I was not fricking in love at all but I thought I was with this girl in our class she was all I ever thought about as I was moving I knew I would never see her again but for some reason I wanted her to know how I felt but I couldn't tell her myself so I wrote a quickie note and left it in her bag one day then a few days afterwards I texted my friend telling him to tell this girl that I love her and we'll miss her very much he texted back saying he showed the text to her her reaction was apparently not good at all I felt like complete crap at then whatever I was moving away one year later we frickin moved back I was back in the school back in her classes yet I kinda never said a word to her for the next three years I still hate my fifteen year old self you're the Irish max Keeble I stole the handshake from a guy walking right behind me not a wave not a high-five a freaking handshake I just grabbed his hand and looked at him then he looked past me I turned around and there was another guy just standing there perplexed with his hand out the only thing I could do was walk away without saying a word what a power play I was home-schooled and put into a public school softball team at 13 or so I had never played games with other kids and wasn't allowed to watch TV so didn't know any rules or how the game worked I just ran around when people yelled and tried to steal the ball from people from time to time I ran the bases when I was supposed to be at one I still home plate I threw the ball to the outfield those poor kids probably thought I was disabled went over to my crushes house to study after studying for a bit I put on a hockey game and ordered us a pizza after we ate and studied some more she invited me upstairs to go to bed I said no he'll just stay down here and watch the rest of the game realized about a week later I was invited to my crushes bed but turned it down for hockey yes I am Canadian I said I love you I'll snake it in bed with a girl I'd had a handful dates with as the words were coming out of my mouth I was praying for a stroke I started that day a virgin I ended that day a virgin I was 22 dang it takes some olympic-level awkwardness to dong block yourself after you get naked and get in bed with a girl already in sixth grade I had a crush on this girl and so I followed her around on my bike at the homecoming pep rally at our town square I was absolutely conspicuous and her and her friends even ran away one time when they noticed me once then when I was riding around looking for her I was stopped by a guy and his friends from a different middle school he asked if I was following his girlfriend around I said no but he knew I had and said to stop cause I was creeping her out he ended up being friends with some friends of mine and told them about it I didn't live that down for a long time and it makes me cringe every time I think about how lame I was I have a whole list of awfully embarrassing middle-school stories our middle school the years we all live to forget one of my best friends had a radio show on our University's station I liked a guy in one of our classes and my friend and I thought it would be clever for him to interview me offer about my interest in that guy we put the interview on a disk and gave it to him the feeling was not mutual I graduated five years ago and I'm married now but this still makes me cringe so hard I was at a club and the part we were at was kinda lame so I was a little drunk and walked over to what seemed like another room in the club I am walking with these three girls behind me and as I am crossing over to the room this other guy is walking up as its to me we kinda did that stupid dance when you run into someone in the hallway or whatever I laughed so did he then I thought why the Frick isn't he out of my way yet then I noticed he was wearing the same shirt as me it was a freaking mirror genuinely laughed ten stroke ten career day in second grade a cosmetologist was speaking to the class and asked if we knew anyone in the field my aunt was one so I raised my hand excitedly she asks me if I want to follow in my aunt's footsteps and become a cosmetologist as well my response I think it would be neat but my mom says I'm too smart for that it's been a very long time but I still felt like the biggest butthole ever if I could I'd go back and slap the taste out of my own mouth I had a disgusting crush on this eighth grader when I was in seventh grade me being a creep I found out his dad was a doctor my stupid brain decided that would finally be how I start a conversation with him so I go up to him one day after school and I'm like hey your dad is a doctor right he looks at me strangely and says yes and I opened my big dumb mouth and say he is really great I go to him a lot he gets this very confused and slightly disgusted look on his face and walks away come to find out his dad was a geologist oh god no wrote a condolence letter to a friend when her siblings both died I got both names wrong she opened and read the letters right in front of me had to pee while shopping with my mom at a clothing store so I peed in the changing room stall mom got an earful from the manager I thought in t-ball that the cup there had you wear would hold my pee if I had to go nothing like having your kid pee himself in outfield was introducing my wife to extended family members at a wedding when I went to introduce like three of them I all the sudden drew a blank for their names I just stood there for like 20 seconds going up I just put my head in my hands and said sorry I have a headache please excuse me and left my wife there for a few minutes I was doing chest compressions on a patient in the hospital nurse tripped and pulled my pants and underwear down she tried for a good 30 seconds to pull them back up for me so many others so so many I was changing my baby boy took his diaper off lifted his legs to wipe him all the sudden I heard gurgling he was peeing into his own mouth I just stood there for a second perplexed well at least you know for sure the kid is yours I was six or seven and at that age most people are pretty flexible well I learned that I could put my foot behind my head and I thought that that made me cool well fast-forward a couple of weeks and my parents are picking me up from a friend's house and they start chatting with my friend's parents I decided wow I should show them my cool trick putting my foot behind my head so I get off of the couch and put my foot behind my head right as I do that I let rip a massive fart I mean it was a good seven to ten second fart everyone was looking at me and I am constantly reminded of it never gonna live it down I went to a really swanky Mardi Gras event in Louisiana as a guest and didn't know that the buckets of drinks were ordered per table because people were up and dancing so I grabbed a drink from a table and was sitting nearby and my wife nudges me and says that dude at the drink table is seriously mad looking at you I just froze up for some reason like do I face him or just awkwardly stare in every direction but is the rest of the night I chose the latter I felt bad and just left the drink where I sat and opened after like 30 minutes if I had just gotten up apologized and given it back explaining the mistake it would have been no big deal but as each minute passed it just got worse and worse I still think about it while I try to go to sleep sometimes if the cringe keeps me awake in fifth grade we received this UAL education and later that week my family went to one of our family friends houses for a dinner where they announced they were having a baby fifth grade me as the scholar i''m asks does this mean you had intercourse dinner was pretty or good after that when I was in the sixth grade I brought a copy of electronic gaming monthly to school and I read through it between classes if I finished something early at lunch etc Mortal Kombat was the headline story and they had a joke in there that went what's the fastest way to a man's heart through his sternum thinking this was clever I went and told my English teacher the joke I walked right up to her and said hey what's the fastest way to a man's heart through his scrotum we both turned bright red I left and we never discussed it again when I was 16 I ran into my mom's best friend in the grocery store and said mom didn't tell me you were pregnant when are you due I'm not pregnant and just fat was her reply I've never made that mistake again I could be in the delivery room with a woman and see the baby's head crowning and I'd still ask something like so do y'all plan on having children I was sitting with my native and Chicana friends in class in high school and they asked me if my parents ever asked me about doing drugs so instead of saying no because I'm just a nerdy geeky white girl I said no because I'm white in the ninth grade some older friends asked me to be the keyboard player in their band my third time playing with them on stage the lead singer and the guitarist said that they were gonna be late so it was just myself the bassist and the drummer and we had to start after a quick discussion the drummer and bassist told me that I had to sing and I begrudging Lee accepted it it was going well until we got to our third song which started with a drum solo the drummer for some reason couldn't remember how to stop so I started playing hoping it would jog his memory he couldn't figure it out so I went on to the first verse the moment I started singing puberty shoved its dongle down my throat and I had the worst voice crack I have ever had to this day everybody stopped and looked at me I panicked and I left the stage holy Frick even now four years later every time I'm with someone who was in the crowd or with my previous bandmates it gets brought up and another part of me dies this was actually my mum but unfortunately I was right there when I was doing a study abroad year in college my mom came to visit and we stayed with my French boyfriend's family during the holiday they were really nice people who ran a program that helped blind people at the time my mom didn't know they worked with a blind they spoke some English but my mom didn't speak any French at all one night at dinner someone was telling a story and my mom said I guess you could say that like the blind leading the blind silence louder this time the blind leading the blind get IT a half of a just sort of smiled politely or man I just fess up armed for you when I was a little kid I was watching TV at my grandparents house my mom was sitting on the floor next to me and my grandfather was flipping through channels suddenly he stops on a channel that was playing that Michael Jackson video where he grabs his junk on top of the car and shouts well I thought it would be really funny to stand up grab my junk and pelvic thrust about three inches from my mom's face while shouting at the top of my lungs every whippin I received after that was a cakewalk compared to the scorched earth policy my mom you vocht on my blood that day at close friend had been dumped by her boyfriend and kicked out of her house on the same day she called me in tears and I invited her round my house for a couple nights just to let her gather her thoughts now I'd never done anything like that before and I couldn't remember the last time I had anyone round my house so I had no idea what the frick to do when I'd shown her round the house and introduced her to my parents we went to my room where she ranted about what she was going to do and how it's gonna be hard to get back on her feet etc but I was putting quite a few hours into playing World of Warcraft during that time and I hadn't logged into it that day so after she was done I kind of said sue is it alright if I just play some wow I'm so freakin bad at this crap yeah that's such a dong move I feel really bad for you looks at watch crap I've got a raid sort your own crap out what face did you go through that makes you cringe had a pocketwatch phase where I would carry a pocket watch on a chain up pretty much all times at about 17 - 18 I wasn't dressing up fancy or going for some Victorian gentlemen look I still dressed like a lazy high schooler with t-shirt and crap gains I just liked the cheap pocket watches that I'd bought from some local market the waffle shuttle phase I would put a pillow on my face and pretend to be a creature called a waffle shuffle I also kept saying waffle shuffle like some sort of Pokemon then it evolved to other things truffle shuffles jacquard shuffles mattress shuffles seat board shuffles it was a pretty embarrassing phase fold guy here 67 when the Beatles came to America in 1964 I was a big fan my mom had an old shower cap and I found some black yarn so with some scissors and Elmer's glue I made myself a Beatles wig that I wore around the house and even to the local market wish I had some pictures italian-american here my Guido phase in high school this was the early 90s think Goodfellas not Jersey Shore gold chains kymaro's acting tough my favorite flick you was go jetty shine box hopefully you've been able to few jet about it in junior high I used to draw stuff on my arms with a pen that I thought looked baddest like skulls and fire and swords and crap said I was going to get full sleeves when I turned 18 now I am a 29 year old with zero tattoos when I was in elementary school maybe third or fourth grade my older sister was really into Hilary Duff so of course she played it constantly in every car ride we took apparently the music grew on me and I knew every word of some of the songs or at least I thought I did so my friends and I would play this role-playing game well he would create characters for ourselves with special powers and fought imaginary monsters around the playground and of course I picked Hilary Duff as my character with the power to sing enemies to sleep I am a male I distinctly remember when it was my turn to attack a monster so I somehow thought it would be a good idea to sing an entire Hilary Duff song I also remember my friends trying to stop me several times but I insisted that I had to sing the whole thing so that it actually fell asleep yeah my friends stopped playing that game after that freak me dude I used to hate going to thrift shops with my mother when I was a teenager I would wear a blonde wig and sunglasses and make her call me Maria not my real name looking back my mother was just trying to support three kids on my dad's salary and thrift shops allowed her to buy me main brand albeit used clothing that otherwise we wouldn't have been able to afford what a dong I was and for the record I love thrift shops now if I had a mullet I will just go over here and cry and shame now without mentioning the PD stache I did the whole emo phase in middle and high school the thing was I wasn't able to acquire the resources that my other emo friends had I wasn't able to dye my hair and my hair type didn't work with those straight and fringe styles I barely had access to cosmetics so I couldn't often paint my nails or wear eyeliner when I did I look like an idiot basically I like to refer to that time of my life as kroger brand emo I looked emo but not enough to be legit yay that was me wanted the looks so bad but my mom banned me from dyeing my hair or getting piercings and if I wanted trip pants I had to save up and buy them myself and man those things were expensive there was a brief period of time where my best friend and I dressed like we were in the matrix I remember going all dressed in black to Target of all places thinking we looked saroo cool hey what's going on it's your boy and we're playing mini crafts today I used to dream of doing YouTube videos sort of died by the time I got decent computer hardware thankfully I was tuck my shirts into my jeans as tight as I possibly could and had a weird obsession with bicycles and MTN Dew you kinda sound like Napoleon Dynamite I had an I'm too edgy to hang out with the normal people phase I shiver at the memory of it freaking normies when I first joined the Army in 2006 I went through this ridiculous phase where I would use overly motivated army phrases in casual conversation with my friends and family who were never in the military I talked down to them and acted as if I was the biggest hero just for joining the military and being a medic this was before I even went anywhere all I had done at that point was gradual basic and medic training by the time I came home from Iraq that attitude was completely gone and I felt nothing but shame and apathy in the mid 2000s I was a scar kid dressed in a suit wore a fedora suspenders checkerboard everything to call my fashion cues from my older scar bands like the English Beat and The Specials skank to songs that weren't even scar at HS dances there were a few others in my HS that likes music but didn't take it as far as me oMFG I am s zero zero zero random Moo Rollins is all of my usernames have some variation of X XS p0r KX x olive anime n page 0 ck yn biting things W even though it is super cringe I do kind of miss the internet from 5 plus years back it was so innocent and naive just like I was at the time crap like invader zim and r aw r XD means I love you in dinosaur is stuff that I'll miss purely because it reminds me of my younger years but that might just be my nostalgia holds up spork oh god I am so going to regret posting this and I genuinely hope nobody from middle high school happens to see this and connect the dots but I went through a phase from sixth grade to ninth where I was obsessed with Gaara from Naruto when I say obsessed I mean obsessed I walked around school wearing a sand village headband around my neck I dyed my hair bright red and wore super thick eyeliner I covered my bedroom with crappy screen capped off Gera from the anime and manga printed on regular printer paper and stuck all over my wall even my ceiling I wrote horrible Naruto fanfiction for my literature assignments I started calling myself a garrotted because I saw someone on the internet called themselves that and I thought it was sOooo cool exclamation point 11 yes a garrotted I legitimately self-identified as that my best friend and I had created a horrible god-awful running fanfiction roleplay where I was married to Gaara and she was married to Spectre eight escaped and we all lived in a beach house that wasn't even on a beach we wrote this fanfiction together in class in a notebook we passed back and forth I was so determined to be known as the girl obsessed with Gaara that sometimes if my teachers asked me a question I would just reply with Gaara WTF I obviously never thought any of this was real but I have no idea what possessed me to be that way I even prayed at night for Gaara not to end up marrying Matsui because it would break my heart I'm done remembering now that was an awful time I am such a smart nerd face I would consider others inferior to my smartness and paste Wikipedia articles when talking about physics online Sheldon Cooper was my hombre I was the model aural embarrassment kid obviously even then I knew I was kind of stupid so I outgrew the phase in two years I am happy that I did not find Korra then if you were a true varus mutt you must have worked quantum into conversations as much as you could when I was in middle school I confused being obnoxious with being funny I think that's everyone in middle school I used to have crushes on random boys and would literally follow them around like a sick puppy without saying a word and I'd openly stare at them and write poetry about them in my notebook and friend them on myspace without having ever spoken to them I was a straight-up stalker with no concept of boundaries and I also complained about how no guys ever wanted to date nice girls like me they just wanted to date BS I was a total female neck bird leg bird ftfy wearing gloves all the time for no reason going to see some friends in summer gloves school day gloves swimming gloves after a while I upgraded to fingerless gloves I have no idea what I was thinking 12 - 14 year old me was an idiot when I was in college I spent a couple of months mesmerized by matches I would light one and watch it burn down and if someone came by I'd say in my best documentary voice something like since time began man has been fascinated by fire glad I got through that phase without actually becoming a pyro college yikes when I was a teenager I wore metal rulers like a fashion accessory the bigger the better this was made all the more ridiculous by the fact that one I'm quite short - I like to wear the longest rulers I could find 18 inches was the standard for me and it nearly hit the ground and three I thought the coolest way to fasten them to my pants was with padlocked which I invariably lost the keys to all combinations if they were combination most of my teen years were spent with Genco jeans that all had the belt loops cut off as a result so cool tearaway pants people constantly coming up to you at school and ripping your pants open it's all fun and games until you forget to wear shorts underneath I thought Naruto was really cool when I was in middle school no matter how much I drink I can't forget the times I ran with my arms backward I tried it a couple times no lie it feels faster one time someone caught me doing it so I threw in some airplane sounds but they knew I was a raging chola Brown lip liner with clear gloss slicked down hair in the front and then crinkled the length huge gold hoops that said princess in the center crap that's enough I don't want to remember anymore well at least you didn't shave your eyebrows and pencil them in like the Cholas at my school we are buffay's but taken to the next level friends and I would print out binders full of explicit anime fan fiction and art and carry it to class with us then we look at it together in class we were 15 - 16 so in retrospect in addition to being weird we could have gotten in serious trouble carrying explicit materials around at school yeah you're lucky to not have got in court a kid in ninth grade got caught watching H on his laptop in the middle of class his reputation had suffered enough before that point I went through a phase that I was a great Explorer and a survival expert went wandering sometime with a plan to build a tree house and liver during the night I ate some poisonous berries and ended up bedridden in a hospital for a week the purple berries taste like burning young Leah buffay's in middle school that included running down hallways with my arms extending back screaming Sugoi whenever something mildly good happened wearing extremely bright and cheesy anime t-shirts stuffing a stuffed tentacle in my pants and moaning incoherently can you elaborate on that last one I truly believed for three years that I was going to Hogwarts someday I even asked the mailman every day and looked at the sky for owls I was already 10 3 yrs went through a nagged phase that lasted maybe a month and a half went to Facebook and announced that I was a juggle at I cringed to this day I was heavily influenced by movies like The Matrix The Crow and played I thought I needed to dress in all black and rock a badass trenchcoat when I was 12 and fat and after Columbine this is Golden Lal I can only imagine the looks I used to think I was going to be the next great American writer I wrote a novel length book where the main character obviously me slept with every hot girl in the school I led my best friend read it and he passed it to one of the girls he was friends with he'd got passed around a lot possibly two teachers I'm not sure how many people read before I got it back years later people were still quoting it at least you wrote something during a period of unemployment I convinced myself I was going to be a writer instead of looking for a real job except I never actually wrote anything seventh-grade headbanger faced death metal shirts blasting Slayer in my bedroom fun times 11th grade crappy phase there was this girl that I had a crush on and I thought she would like me if I had a cleaner look didn't work I began listening to blink 182 and buying clothes from PacSun and A&F this phase lasted until i was about 19 or so long after the crush ended honestly those were some of the best times of my life somewhere in there during my preppy ways I started listening to rap which kicked off a brief gangster phase this was the late nineties early 2000s and Eminem was huge luckily I never bleached my hair calm down a bit until I hit my mid twenties when from out of nowhere I went through a country phase probably tied with the gangster phases my most cringe-worthy I really don't know where it came from only lasted about a year I used to wear a fedora mphase bleached tips so all the boy bands doing it in thought yeah I ll death look just as good I didn't you should never put bleach directly on your dong being an edgy metalhead camo pants tucked into leather boots wearing the most extreme shirt I could find before online ordering was the norm and blasting crappy death metal a bit too loud I still listen to some metal but I'm not edgy anymore being rude and ungrateful to my parents it was a crappy rebellious phase that made me look like an entitled pose my parents rule and gave me a wonderful life I had no reason to be ungrateful but mom I made my mental illness my identity looking back it was to protect myself kind of like Fatima if I say I'm crazy they can't call me crazy but it was a bad idea and I totally ostracized myself by always talking about hospitals and pills also I went through a wearing a tie with tank tops or t-shirts face fat girl in her awkward stage wearing her dad's tie with a cheap tank to Thanksgiving that might have been worse and that one has photographic evidence I went through a Paris Hilton Nicole Richie phase in sixth grade I binge watch The Simple Life and take notes I'd also read her book that came out around that time and take notes on that I made collages of them and put them in my locker and went around saying that's hot phone number okay well I have some family that live in Oakland CA and every summer I would go and visit but when I was in my freshman year of high school I went through my hippie phase thanks to keep a sneak thief or tea and Federation I too thought I could pop purple pills ride the yellow bus and rock my fist face all day I went all out with this crap man I bought the long ass Whitey's baggy ask jeans a mother freaking spongebob backpack cause all the real heavy dudes wear this crap now picture this chubby Mexican kid that always wanted to simply be black walking around a small suburban town dressed up as the hippie manifestation it didn't just stop there though I actually convinced some of my friends to rock this style too and we would try to ghostwrite but always kind of chickened out and would run back in the car after three seconds crap man just the thoughts alone makes me cringe but to be honest at the same time kind of smile early in high school I was desperately trying to find myself my best friend at the time was a momen and I decided hey I want to be Mormon too didn't go over so well with my baptist parents well my friend went on his mission and I discovered that I was just highly attracted to him and I'm incredibly gay that was fun stoner some people just aren't meant to have kids some people aren't meant to smoke herbs I just sat there on a couch eating and saying nothing of value for a good 18 months 3 stroke 10 would not recommend hey at least it was only 18 months mine was even worse than a punk-rock phase it was a punk rock poseur phase I hated the music the clothes the cigarettes I was a bull creeper who seek approval from these high school Punk's I knew it was BS and I was too scared to face it one of the bunks Dave saw through my BS he saw me persist to watching me critically as I followed him in the crew around for two years even after I stopped hanging out and found other friends real friends this time he still regarded me as the most pathetic person he'd ever met in his life he intimidated me because he knew what I knew that I was pathetic and desperate I own those stupid decisions I made and I'm not proud of them I had a ranks T team phase unfortunately my parents wouldn't let me go into the angry store a topic so I couldn't buy the black spiky things I wanted safety pins were also banned being a crafty young lady I decided to use paper clips to decorate my clothing I also made ugly paper clips necklaces and chain things it wasn't cute it wasn't angsty it looked like I got into a fight with office supplies and lost aged 12-14 long one so random exclamation point one two unicorns and rainbows were my everything and called myself a kawaii otaku because I watch sword art online I don't even want to think about it I got to the point where I was getting eunuch on themed birthday presents women offered it what's your cranky nice guy story he wanted to impress upon me what a good guy he was and he was also too scared to ask me out like a normal person he killed two birds with one stone by having his split personality tell me it really wanted to kill me but nice guy was bravely holding it back because he liked me so much obviously I fell head over heels immediately I was friends with a co-worker we had hung out a few times socially after work and got along well but it never really occurred to me to wonder if he was interested in me at that point in my life I did not get a lot of male attention and honestly was pretty cringy myself but that's for a different thread anyway we were walking side-by-side and I guess he went to put his arm around me it surprised me like that someone is tapping you on the opposite shoulder trick and I turned abruptly he took it as incredibly rude gave me an angry lecture about leading people on and how disgusting you make someone feel when you literally flinch from their touch and called me a bee oh sorry for my reflexes about a week later another friend came to me at work to let me know that guy was telling everyone I was a W who was sleeping my way through the department nice the dumbest part was that I probably would have gone on a date with him if he'd asked I just had no idea he was thinking along those lines bullet dodged in highschool a guy I barely knew tried to convince me to tell my parents that I was going to a friend's house but really go hang out with him I was normally rebellious but got the feeling that my parents would be right and telling me I couldn't spend time with him I politely rejected his offer and blamed my parents so it wouldn't be awkward and he retaliated by covering my dad's car and dyed tampons Patrick you're a frickin creep what a waste of tampons I've seen two guys get into a fistfight at an office Christmas party over who was going to help an intoxicated 27 year old married woman get home I managed one of these guys and subsequently found out he had sent her 80 emails in one day with all that why won't you talk to me we're friends et Cie he was fired but couldn't see how he had done anything wrong this actually just happened recently my good friend from college and I along with other friends from our program went out to a bar to celebrate finishing our degree he kept feeding me shots but I figured everyone just wanted to be drunk and have a good time but the night is coming to an end and I'm quite incapacitated my good friend frantically approaches me saying that he had just seen a guy put something in my drink which I had just finished he told me that I would soon be unconscious and it was best that he take me back to his apartment so he could take care of me being heavily drunk and also quite scared I agreed and he helped me back to his apartment after making me something to eat and giving me some water we set up camp for the night on his couch he put on a movie and he said he would sit and watch me sleep to make sure I didn't throw up or anything as I started to disart attaching me first on my feet and knees and then my upper thigh I confronted him about it and he said after everything he had done he felt he deserved compensation I laughed it off but after he tried to make a move the game I got angry and we began fighting he exposed to me that no one had put anything in my drink and it was all a ploy to allow him to make his move after some more arguing he decided it was best I left and he kicked me out of his apartment at 3:00 a.m. while I was still considerably drunk this is someone whom I've trusted and spent four years being friends with safe to say I'll be a lot more speculative with future male friends that's so fricking rappy and manipulative right after high school a guy came out of the Woodworks and told me that he had a crush on me I thought it was nice but I just did not like him he was always buying me presents and dropping them off at my mom's house I always said thanks but told him I just wasn't entrusted we had the same group of friends so I would see him from time to time when I would see him he would pull me aside and politely ask me to go on a date with him I told him that I just didn't see him that way one day I ran into him at the store and he asked me out again and I went on this long rant about how I was going off to college and I didn't want to be tied down he ended up asking me out again I ended up walking away he came up behind me and pushed me he has this evil look in his eye and I ran to my car and cooled my mom he ended up messaging me a couple days later and telling me that he's just mad because God told him I was the one he was going to marry I blocked him on all social media and my phone he still managed to get my new address when I moved off to college and one time he drove almost an hour to my apartment he knocked on my door and he handed me a bag of my favorite candy I flipped out like I should have done men at times before and I threatened to call the cops and get a restraining order I've seen him once in the last 7 years with his wife and new baby I hope he has changed so not a stereotypical nice guy really did I met him at a party gave him a ride home and after belting out don't stop believin together he asked for my number we went on one date and texted for a week then Saturday morning I woke up to 50-plus texts that started with asking what I was doing sleeping because I worked in the morning and went all the way up to I should just kill myself since no one wants to talk to me I told him that was unacceptable as I had already told him I worked Saturday morning but even if I hadn't there's no reason to text me over 50 times if I'm not answering I'm not answering he whined about being so nice and how good he was to me and bla bla bla bla bla ah thankfully when my friends asked why I was ignoring such a nice guy showing them the texts was enough for them to drop it I met him at a party gave him a ride home and after belting out don't stop believin together he asked for my number I always find it way more mortifying when the story starts off with totally normal and cute behavior I'd forgotten about this until I read this thread like a lot of these stories I've had more than my fair share of nice guys TM but this guy was definitely the worst this guy messaged me on occupied he was 62 not necessarily a deal breaker except I was 20 and he was a dozen years older than my parents I said thanks but no thanks I was uncomfortable with that much of an age difference good luck out there he flipped non-stop messages vacillating between how I would regret this wheedling compliments and apologies and call me a w Alice a blue bola etc literally dozens upon dozens of messages a day he was a lawyer he had ways of making me regret this I would never do as good as him no other man would treat me so well and I'm a w if I say no on and on this was many years ago at the time you could report someone for harassment or knock Cupid but he didn't stop that person from messaging you finally I told him I would meet him in the city at a popular college bookstore at 2:00 p.m. wouldn't you know it I somehow forgot to go after another day or two of the rating for standing him up he got the hint and disappeared a 62 year old lawyer really should think about their public image should say a screenshot of harrassing communications get out in the public or to the partners at his firm or something along those lines I was 21 at a bar doing research for on paper and this really old be aghast kind of business looking dude starts talking to me telling me I'm cute asking to buy me a drink I say no thanks not interested and he says I'm not pretty enough to reject him well apparently I am I met a guy one night after a night out exchanged numbers he was handsome seemed normal we met for dinner and I was surprised when he brought flowers and a bottle of wine as it was our first date and we knew nothing about each other yet throughout dinner I noticed that he would ask questions but not listen to my answers he seemed in his own world as if he was preparing his next question very robotic he mentioned that his sister was out of town in two he was house-sitting for her in the building a few blocks away okay even though he weirded me out a bit I was young and still felt like things were going fairly well anyways when we left he was walking me to my car I was wearing heels and has such felt comfortable holding on to the crook of his arm for support as we walked as we walked he tried to persuade me to come into the apt building that he was supposedly house-sitting it will go up to the rooftop he said best view in Hollywood which was the clincher for me BC it was so corny and also so creepy I kept saying no no I have to get up early etc when we got next to the building he tightens his grip on me and said what's your problem his facade dropped and he looked scary and angry I bought you flowers I brought wine I paid for dinner as if he was checking off ABC is supposed to equal D then we were having fun where and we and was pulling me towards the door and twisting my arm I pulled away from him and literally ran to my car and cooled off I have no doubt he would have raped worse me if I hadn't I know this is beyond nice guys but the way he felt that he had systematically performed his steps and earned more from me the horror stays with me that's actually why I don't wear heels on the first few dates sometimes you've got a rung I used to work at gamma stop and the building was connected to her Starbucks he recognized me from high school it was a year under me so I had no idea who he was I generally kept to myself he'd talk to me as I waited for my order and he seemed pretty cool a couple weeks later he tells me I'm pretty and if we could hang out I'm engaged so I told him outright he promised me that he just wanted to be friends and I'm apparently a very gullible person he'd get me free Starbucks tell me I'm a great artist yadda yadda about two weeks later he asks me to meet him at a bar because he's upset about something trying to be a good friend I go to comfort him so I go to the bar and he's already drunk I didn't drink because if things turned sour I could just leave he gets all feely on my thigh I tell him I'm uncomfortable so he stops apologizes that he's drunk I kick his butt at pool and he asks me to go smoke with him I don't smoke cigarettes but sure I'll go talk he pushed me against the wall kiss me and put his hand in my pants I fought him back but a dude leaving the bar got him off of me no nice guy will ever be trusted again there was a customer who came into the coffee shop where I worked I asked him what he wanted to drink and he moaned something that will fix a broken heart I forced her smile while he told me that he had been stood up again I smiled through all of it and when he still hadn't told me what he was going to order I suggested what I liked to drink he asked what it would cost and I said no charge tomorrow's another day I made his order and went back to finish washing dishes he came back in and brought me a Cosmo magazine saying he was a magazine vendor and he thought I might like it and thanks for being nice I said no problem wish him a good night and forgot about him a few days later my coworker races to the back to tell me this guy was back and blocking our drive-through now when he came in last time I had my wedding ring on a necklace because I didn't like to wear it when I was washing dishes I asked her what he wanted and she said he was demanding to talk to me I said tell him I'm not here she says he saw your car okay that is creepy he knew what I was driving I reluctantly come out after popping my wedding ring on my finger the guy has a large bundle of carnations and a box of chocolate and is in one of those big old 1970s vans with the little circle window on the back row I made sure my ring was very visible and made sure to fiddle with it I came up to the window and asked how I could help and he saw my ring his face reddened and his tone became very threatening where did you get that ring this ring my husband gave it to me on our wedding day seven years ago he is P he begins to Bella with me you weren't wearing that last time I was you just didn't see quietly B I t's freaking s likely that keep nice guys like any from getting a date he threw the carnations at the window as we pulled it shut in a panic he beat on his steering wheel and honk the horn and yelled profanities we were about to call the police and were locking the cafe doors when he squealed out of the drive-through almost knocking the patio furniture over yep he was a super nice guy oh jeez I went to school with a nice guy neckbeard anime carton a sword-wielding R I am Ribit us kinda guy he would talk about how girls only like the big jock guys on how they neglect the smart intellectuals like him he also talked about how he was waiting for a girl to be smart enough and good enough for him which doesn't make any sense at all but okay he weighed about 90 pounds had vampire pale skin and bleached blond hair which he wore at an awkward too long in the front length so it could cover his eyes he started hanging around where I would eat lunch my freshman year of high school no one wanted him around but we were nice and we would just smile anyway neck butt would get wider rates are close to me making up reasons to touch me I am really short so he would set his arm on my head grab my shoulders just awkward and wanted touching so I told him to hey maybe don't touch me he did not get the message in fact they're not so sly hair smelling weird touching increased and I said zip because I was shy well he got my number from one of my friends and started sending me those creepy asterisk messages example hey good-looking walks over to you and puts arm around you I missed you runs hand over your soft hair hugs you feeling your nice boobs press against my strong manly chest I didn't responded they just got worse and worse he sent me a shirtless photo that nearly blinded me I texted him telling him what he was doing was making me uncomfortable but that didn't stop him I learned how to block someone on Vera's in that day I never told anyone about it I had to go to four years of high school with this kid getting too close making me so uncomfortable , he sent me a shirtless photo that nearly blinded me this is a really scary experience and I'm so sorry you were threatened like that but this line made me laugh so hard some guy messaged me online and seemed nice enough asked if I'd like to meet up with him I said sure he tells me a Starbucks between our places and said he'd see me in 30 minutes I was like whoa not right now it's 10 p.m. he said okay but he'd like to keep talking to me if it was alright few days later this exchange happens over messenger him hey what's up me nm how are you him I'm good me good five minutes Parcells I assumed he was busy for a sec him well if you don't have anything to say you freaking be don't let me on and let me think that we can be together you're nothing but a freaking W anyways only W led nice guys like me on Frick you Frick you you freaking W yep nice guy met up with a guy from college a club calm and we had planned for a quick bite to eat I had forgotten my wallet so he came to my dorm room with me to quickly grab it we get there and he immediately starts looking around at all my off photos etc around the room he finds my Homer Simpson slippers and a rooster beanie boo my nephew had left there he takes the rooster and stuffs it in homers mouth and makes it move as if the slipper was chewing and says look at me I am vain I create suffering for animals so I can feast selfish hungry be I was speechless but then he opens my drawler and starts throwing makeup around saying this is tested on animals I am vain animals suffer from my beauty and then opened my wardrobe and started throwing clothes around saying these things have been made in sweatshops my friend called security on him tell us more about vain Lord by work retail and have for more than 25 years I once about nine years ago when I worked in a liquor store had an older customer that would come in and I thought play flirt with me a lot of customers play flirted with me so I didn't think anything of it plus this guy was like twice my age and I was no spring chicken I had no idea that he seriously thought we were really flirting until one day he asked me out not in a regular way mind you oh no he said so we've known each other for a while now I'll just wait until you after night and then we can go out I'll take you to expensive restaurant I politely declined he went ballistic long story short the manager banned him from the store for life thank God he was a nice guy but that his friends stalk me in an online MMO after I was late texting him back he was also super passive-aggressive like I see you online but you aren't responding to my messages the straw that broke the camel's back was when he showed up at my college campus which was an hour from where he lived and wanted to randomly hang out but he wasn't a creepy stalker he was just a nice guy I didn't understand help the girl I liked won't respond to my emails Greek letter Omega you've been visited by the toothpaste man for good teeth and fresh breath comment Oh fresh if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people [Music]

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 292,244

Rating: 4.7642803 out of 5

Keywords: cringe, reddit 1 hour, 1 hour, compilation, most cringe, most cringe moments, most cringiest, cringiest moments, cringiest, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap

Id: 3NdeMwYCQ2Q

Length: 92min 0sec (5520 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 20 2020