What's up greg it's me Danny back with another episode of 'These is some bad commercials' so the other day I was at dinner at Outback Steakhouse and out of the corner of my eye I saw this commercial. It's for a product called the tac light as the commercial went on I slowly like drifted off and just could not stop watching this commercial It was just so weird that I wrote it down in my phone So I could remember what it was called and go back and watch it later And I did go back and watch it later to see if it was actually as weird as I thought it was when I was at dinner, and it is. The Tac light is part of all those like as seen on TV products I think they're all like Marketed by the same company because all the commercials have the like the same vibe you've probably seen a million of them before but all Of the commercials are just so bad I think they're all catering to like very old people you can kind of tell by the commercials and so the marketing is just like seems really out of touch and sort of predatory because it seems to advertise features that couldn't possibly be true so a lot of you know this but I have a patreon and Through my patreon. I have a discord server It's basically like a group chat full of a bunch of other Greg's and so I sent this Commercial to them a couple people started sending me a bunch of other as seen on TV commercials so today I thought it would be fun to just go through and just watch a few of them So I want to start with the tac light. This is the original commercial that I saw at the Outback Steakhouse Everybody has a flashlight ,everybody has a flashlight. If there's one thing that everybody has in the whole world. It's a flashlight It's a weird way to try to relate to somebody at the beginning of a commercial. Hey. We've all got flashlights, right We all have flashlights right it's also weird to try to market a flashlight when you admit that everybody already has flashlights but I guess those flashlights better, so Everybody has a flashlight, but can your flashlight do this? Can your flashlight light up an entire house? It's perfect for those times when you're walking alone at night, and you hear a strange noise And you have to shine your light really quickly and you're like. Oh, it was just a whole house I was scared of an entire house, but it's just a house, so I guess I'm fine. Well how about this? I Don't know if my flashlight can do that Cuz I don't I don't really know what the fuck that was just like an old man standing with like a strobe light flashlight and then another dude like ah I bet your flashlight Can't confuse people our flashlights will confuse the shit out of you the Bell & Howell tactical flashlight can similar to flashlights used by elite military Units the Bell & Howell TAC light can do things no ordinary flashlight can do how can it do things that no ordinary? flashlight can do like what what kind of technology is this it just Made that burglar run away this flashlight is so powerful it turns big mean bad guys into little babies Everybody knows that burglars are really just vampires, and if you shine light on them they start their skin starts burning And they have to crawl back into their little caves like if light will scare a robber enough to run away Don't you think a regular flashlight could do that like it's not gonna take a super powerful flashlight to be like hey I see you trying to break into my shit It's so bright It can be seen up to two nautical miles away through nautical miles all that's sick that doesn't seem totally excessive I can't tell you how many times I've liked misplaced my keys in the dark And I'm searching around for them and finally I'm like oh there they are Two miles away right where I left them And if that's something that goes bump in the night turns out to be someone Only attack like has a super bright strobe that kannst on a disorient would-be attackers self-defense mode it will stun Would-be attackers your be completely safe using a flashlight as your main defense just pop it in Self-defense mode, and it will make them freeze immediately I guess it will blind them or confuse them I'd really like to see that shit work in real life like you're you hear something in the middle of the night It's like an armed robber and you turn on your flashlight. It starts blinking. He turns around He startled at first, and then he shoots you in the chest and it'll keep working when fully submerged in water He even 212 degree boiling water. That's perfect I also tend to lose things in boiling pots of water, so this is really great I always get mixed up and I'll like put my phone in a boiling pot of water and pour pasta in my pocket when I To do it the other way around So this is perfect for that I can just stick the flashlight in the boiling pot of water And then I found my phone I also cook pasta in the pitch-dark That's why I need the flashlight compact and lightweight it goes Where you go. So you can feel safe in dark places at night wait hold on you can't just shine that in people's eyes You just showed how it will like blind a robber and this hears this friendly dude just walking alone And this woman's like who's there and the dudes just like hey, it's just me like as his Retinas are Disintegrating please stop with the light, and there's never been a better choice for camping fishing or hunting what else five preset modes It's made of high-grade aircraft aluminum guys. You know you can believe this commercial because a big strong man is talking about it He knows about tactical flashlights. He's big strong and a man, so if you can't trust this guy about flashlights I mean who can you trust? Nobody you can't trust anybody you can trust this guy but no one else so that was the original commercial It's for the TAC light. It was pretty strange right the thing that caught my eye was the self defense mode I was like are they really trying to tell me that a flashlight can Stop a burglar for how long like long enough for the police to get there like how does that scene progress? from what we saw in the commercial do they both just stand there until the police get there like he's just flashing the light and the robbers just like For like 15 minutes before the cops show up anyway, here's another As Seen on TV commercial for something called the fun slides Nowhere to run nowhere to ride now wherever this carpet blast off with fun slides the amazing carpet skates that glide Slide or ride you decide okay, so this product actually does seem kind of cool I guarantee if I was 12 years old I would want these my issue with this commercial is it the the methods that it uses? To make the product look more fun like kids doing tricks and shit on these carpet ramps and rails and shit know who has a carpet ramp in their house are they going to show like a carpet halfpipe next it's only fun if You have those things like sliding across the regular plain ground It's not nearly as fine as those more fun than socks on a polished wood floor fun slides that you slide on But wait there's more constructed a friction defying super smooth plastic secured by hook and loop straps shock free foam and elastic these commercials also Have a tendency to describe the materials that these products are made out of as if it's like the perfect combination of things When really it was just like this thing is made out of plastic And also it attaches to your foot and then it's foam so your foot doesn't hurt on the thing they use all these terms like the flashlight used like Aircraft grade aluminum, and this is like shock free foam and smooth plastic hey. I hope it's smooth That's for sliding on the floor What like it's gonna be rough plastic heel to toe heel to toe just push off and away you go Just the replay just push off and away you go. Oh, yeah, check the replay cuz that shit was cool I bet you never seen anything like that how he's sliding on how he's sliding on the ground he ran And then he slid face off with fun slides hockey dance like a maniac dance like a maniac these kids are insane look How they're dancing in this weird dark room these kids are maniacs lock these kids up. They need help No matter what your size anyone can fun fun fun slide okay? Why are half of these feet like adult man shoes who are these products really for they're trying to like subtly advertise to dads for Some reason I mean you know if I was a dad I would be getting these Immediately happy dancing like a maniac in these things down the hall around tables and chairs fun slide all over But walk down the stairs Yeah fun slide anywhere But walk down the stairs walk down the stairs as a special bonus will include our fun slides Tips & Tricks DVD that also features bonus footage of pro & semi-pro fun sliders getting extreme bonus footage of pro and Semi-pro fun sliders as are their league's for fun sliding. What the fuck is a pro fun slider What does it mean that these kids are pro are they sponsored yeah, man? I'm hoping to qualify for the Olympics this year for fun sliding. I'm semi-pro right now, but I'm I'm hoping to go pro Oh, you don't know you don't know what fun sliding is. It's pretty cool I run on the floor, and then I slide on the carpet, and it's all on carpet So I never fall in her my little bottom alright. This next one's really good If there's any dads out there watching this video you guys are really gonna love this next product Something to probably put on your next birthday wish list it's called the potty putter oh No, you missed that putt again You probably don't have enough time to practice You can have more time to practice your putting with the potty putter the amazing new toilet time golf game that lets you practice Your putting on the potty, okay, you know who this is marketed to right? This is marketed to dudes who would do anything to get out of spending time with their wife and kids, honey Why do you take an hour? To shit every time you're in the bathroom. Well, babe. You know I got I gotta work on my putt I gotta work on my golf game I would much rather sit on the toilet and with my pants down hunched over a tiny little game of golf Then come outside and play with the family. That's why I haven't eaten dinner with you guys in three months I've just been in the bathroom Just just puttin I feel like this is something Paul's name Or would really like it's one of those like sort of tabletop games. Just aim and shoot The ball into the cup just think all that extra practice every time you visit the job. Oh that extra practice Yeah
I'm sure you're getting a lot of really good quality practice shooting the same hole seven inches from the ball to the hole over and over again I'm sure that that's really helpful and not totally just a way to Avoid your family your potty putter is the perfect gift for the on the go He'll relax and think of you every time he practices putting He'll think of you every time He poops if this guy hates his wife that much he probably thinks of her every time he poops anyway to be honest look again How easy it is to practice your plumbing in the bathroom with a potty putter look again at how easy it is as if you Haven't seen it enough. All right. I like how it just tells you to look again. Hey look at it Did you stop looking at our commercial Hey look again? They're probably worried like the old dudes watching this have like fallen asleep Halfway through the commercial and so they're like hey hey hey look at it look it again look at it It's we're still here with the golf thing, but wait call now And we'll include the doorknob hangers warning everyone not to disturb you while you're practicing you're putting a doorknob hanger Why would you need that do people usually barge in on you when you're pooping? But now they're going to stop because you're playing golf while you do it I thought my husband was just pooping so I was gonna barge in like I always do But it looks like he's uh looks like he's got his golf hang her up So I I guess I can't go in there I better not disturb You know how he gets about his golf game real angry about his golf game. All right. Here's a fun product It's called the my spy birdhouse Everybody loves to watch birds. No they don't okay Can we stop starting these commercials with these blanket statements that aren't true everyone has a flashlight? everybody loves to watch Birds No, they don't I know what you're doing you're trying to make people who do watch birds feel better about liking to watch birds Don't make them Don't try to make them feel better watching Birds is weird you creeps But what happens when they disappear inside their house hmm, they have birdy picnics They eat worms. What happens when they go inside their house Hmm, I don't know. It's anyone's guess they probably transform into lizards There's really no documented evidence of what birds do when they're in their homes imagine if you could spy on the birds inside Well now you can with the my spy birdhouse Oh, yeah, we're gonna spy on the birds. We're gonna find out exactly what the fuck They're hiding and then at dawn We strike the see-through birdhouse that lets you spy inside without Disturbing the birds just a general question is it considered spying if they can see your big-ass face staring at them from two inches away Wow, I can see everything They can see everything the birds They hatch life is beautiful But then before you know it they leave the nest and the parents die it's the circle of life Where their nature is cruel and unforgiving a cold-hearted bitch with no remorse the circle of life continues Life happiness death destruction despair I can see everything it comes with an attachable two-way mirror So you can see him, but birds can't see oh good, so they actually can't see your big-ass face staring at them instead They'll just see their own reflection There's gonna be some vain ass birds Wow okay, so it looks like this one's called the slob stopper I haven't seen this one yet, but right off the bat. This seems like the grossest name for any product I've ever heard of the slob stopper ew has this ever happened to you Introducing the slob stopper forget messy spills and unplanned Accidents just slip it on and enjoy your busy lifestyle what it's a bib for adults How often do you spill coffee on yourself and why are you so busy that you can't slow down just a little bit So you're not constantly spilling coffee on yourself like it doesn't take much Self-control to not be spilling on yourself all the time also What was the point of that scene was he like checking out that girl and he got so distracted that he spilled coffee all over? Himself oh no. I spilled coffee all over myself and ruined my chance with that hot, babe Huh a wave that used to be a problem but not anymore cuz now I'm wearing a giant fucking bib covered in coffee and Girls love that go to slob stopper .com and order today slob stopper bibs aren't just for babies bibs aren't just for babies They're also for psychopaths all right. Here's one less good one. It's called quit it instant pet trainer I have a dog myself So I'm very interested to know how I can get my dog Stop being such a little weasel girl tired of stressing yourself and your pet by screaming and yelling get down, No bad dog oh I'm so sick of constantly screaming at my dog When she's licking me when she's barking when she's sleeping minding her own business when she's trying to eat I'm just always screaming at my dog sick of using Ineffective and expensive training methods that just don't work. I mean look at this guy. He's clearly not in control of his dog He's lost control its yanking him all over Town why beg him to stop and sit when you can make them quickly quit with quit it the all-natural weight is correct and trained Any pets bad behavior guaranteed Wow this thing looks like it's really gonna scare the shit out of my dog I'm in what it uses your pets natural instincts to quickly correct unwanted habits Look just like snakes that hiss when there's danger quit it emits the same hissing sounds wow that's that's amazing I didn't know that dogs were that scared of hissing ah so you can buy the special can of air that makes a hissing sound Do people not know that they can make this sound themselves do people don't know that they can just go and that's the same That's why people shush dogs. I don't know have you ever heard someone, shush a dog That's why cuz dogs don't like that sound. This is just a can of air that makes that sound for you Just a simple press and your buddy will freeze in his tracks He started running again. It didn't work on that dog and they put it on the commercial anyway He stopped for one second. Then was like actually nah. Fuck it. I'm fine Wow guys well. That was an amazing looking product I think I'm actually gonna have to buy all these these these all look really great seeing all these entrepreneurs be so successful Is really pretty cool? I mean they just came up with an idea for a very bad product and now they're selling it for $19.99 on daytime television And I can't think of anything cooler than that a lot of these commercials like will sell their products with features that are hardly even Features like the tac light with the self-defense mode like will that really work But it makes you want to buy the product more even if it's not gonna work I feel like I could sell the simplest product using these techniques And I could get people to buy it so I mean why not give shot right. I I'm a little entrepreneur boy I want to make some money, so uh I'm just gonna make one of these commercials real quick. Yeah, so anyway It's gotten to the point where I can barely walk anymore I've never get to see my family because I can hardly get out of bed It's are you tired of boring conversations that lead nowhere Or pesky phone calls from people You don't want to talk to try screaming aah woah. What okay? All right what I don't Understand I'll leave I'm sorry okay screaming can get you out of any situation From awkward dates to boring meetings. Ah what the fuck just take a big deep breath and start yelling What the fuck is wrong with this guy and that's not all screaming can help train your dog too Look again, and how it scares the shit out of your dog and when you're in danger screaming comes to the rescue Order now, and we'll throw in a Do Not Disturb sign to let your whole family know you're busy screaming And gain access to a complimentary web seminar where you can learn screams from pro and semi-pro screamers Call today because peace is just a scream away Pretty good commercial right, but now you're probably thinking wow Danny That's so cool, but now you've got me all excited about this product that I'm never gonna be able to buy I want to scream I want to solve all my life's problems, but I don't know how because this product doesn't exist it seems I've made the best commercial of all time without actually selling a product, but that's where you're wrong even though It is a joke commercial. I am actually selling this product I'm selling screaming all you have to do is go to learn to scream .Net and if you order it right now. You will get the web seminar Well you'll learn screams from pro or semi-pro screamers, and it's probably the most ambitious Business venture I've had to date. You know most as seen on TV commercials will be will be like 1999 or something this product is $4.99 if you don't want to spend $4.99 to make your life a thousand times better then Maybe screaming is just not for you, but for the rest of us I'll see you guys over at learned to scream net all right Greg well. That's it for this video I hope you liked it if you're new here, and you're not a part of Greg Greg is our family here on YouTube We're the strongest fanbase on the Internet. 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It's really cool It's a very experimental technology that I invented and I'm really proud of it So hit that subscribe button and turn on my notifications and you'll be Greg as I said at the beginning of this video a lot of this was inspired by people in my discord so If you want to get in on this little Greg group chat that we got going on consider supporting me on patreon That's where you can find the discord. Also if you want to check out my merch. It's a danny gonzalez.store There's some great items in there wrap the greg family name alright. Well. That's it for this video Thank you meredith eyes for turning on my notifications. You are truly greg. I'll see you guys soon with another very interesting video. Bye
