The Kung Fu Panda Ripoff From Your Nightmares

merch restock all of the new stuff that i released in the last video has been restocked a lot of it sold out really fast last time so thank you guys for all the support also due to popular demand we took the lightning greg design and put it on a t-shirt so you can get it on a t-shirt now so if you want to grab that or anything else head on over to danny gonzales.store what's up greg and welcome back to another episode of dinky gunky the internet's most notorious rip-off of danny gonzalez today we're going to be talking about one of my favorite things in the world poorly animated movie rip-offs this is going to be a review and a commentary on the little panda fighter which if you can't tell by the title and the cover is a ripoff of kung fu panda it was produced by the same masterminds that made ratatouille and what's up which i have also reviewed this movie came out a year after rata towing and it is like 10 years worse than rat tattooing the animation is horrifying it's really not fun to look at just to give you a little frame of reference ratatouille has a 1.5 star rating on imdb and this movie has a 1.3 star rating on imdb so you already know this shit's about to be worse okay we open on somewhat of a barren landscape on what appears to be a teeny tiny little planet because you can see the curve of the earth from like 20 feet off the ground and on this barren wasteland sits one small little bar the bear bar box which is where most of the movie takes place [Music] and you know since it's an animated ripoff they have to start the movie by assaulting your eyes with some of the worst animation you've ever seen it's almost like for some reason they intentionally picked two of the hardest things to animate like pursing your lips and whistling and also like shaking your hips and grooving i guess they wanted to show you right off the bat hey this isn't gonna be a good movie whatever poor mom bought this for their kid thinking it was kung fu panda they wanted to let her know right away this is not what you thought it was gonna be and you are in for a weird night stop the daydreaming pancata that floor ain't gonna mop itself you know so this is pankada he's the main character of the movie he is the little panda fighter but he's not a fighter yet oh no no no he works at this bar the bear bar box where as the name implies bears come to watch other big buff bears box and b bros binge boos bang babes i don't know his boss is this polar bear polaris who is absolutely ripped i guess just his chest is he just has really defined chest muscles the rest of him is just kind of like an amorphous white blob but he's got like banging pegs and pretty much everything you need to know about pancata is summed up in this 13 second clip at the beginning of the movie fight night fight night big deal who cares about some dumb old fight night so you pretty much get pancata now right you pretty much know all about him his struggles his dreams okay good because that's all the exposition you're gonna get so pankada's conflict in this movie is basically that like everyone around him only cares about boxing he works at this bar where bears box so obviously they care about boxing but he wants to be a dancer i don't know why he's wearing a blonde wig in his like dream sequence because as the movie progresses and we actually see him dance he's never wearing that i still don't know where that comes from i don't know what the blonde wig signifies to him but he wants to dance the poor bear just wants to dance [Music] you better watch yourself pankara if the boss catches you goofing off again you'll be daydreaming on the unemployment line as it stands right now the bear bar box has a big problem every couple days they have a boxing match but the same bear has been winning these boxing matches for like two years he's like the reigning champion so he fights in every single fight until he loses but he just has never lost so the russian's been losing a lot of business because people are just tired of watching the same guy win over and over i don't believe it he's killing me this guy he wins every time that's why no one comes to the fights no more it's a joke freak teddy is putting me out of business i tell you yeah sure just like when you were fighting polaris no one could beat you either you were champ for three years until you retired [Music] why is that bear have snot dripping out of his nose dude that's so gross what the hell this bear has snot coming out of his nose in every scene it's not just this scene this is like the defining characteristic of this bear i don't know why either is that like a thing is that like a bear thing i don't think so do bears have notoriously runny noses it's like did they run out of distinguishing characteristics for bears like they made a panda bear and a polar bear and a girl bear and they were like [ __ ] that's all the types of bears i know how are we gonna distinguish all the rest of the characters we have like seven more characters we have to make in this movie and we only know two types of bears and then another gender to go along with it can i get you anything mr grizzle puss a kleenex perhaps no thanks there honey bun i gotta settle up my bets here no take the kleenex please no thanks honey bun i'm cool with snot just dripping out of my nose and every scene that i'm in it's not gross to me cause i can't even see it mr polaris isn't exactly in the best of moods right now and i was hoping i could ask to leave early after all it is pretty slow in here right now leave early why would you need to it's not like you ever have a date who'd go out with you oh my god mean bear mean girl bear he didn't even say he was going on a date she just made that up and then made fun of him for it man it'd be really nice to get work off tonight why because you have a date uh no i just have been working really hard lately it'd be nice to have the day off hold up hold up hold up so you're telling me someone wants to go on a date with you no oh this is rich oh can you oh could you invite me i'm gonna want to see this i mean you are kind of right nobody does want to go on a date with me that's why i'm not going on a date also what's going on with her hair she's got like ghost hair she's got like two sets of hair on top of each other and one is like frozen solid and doesn't move and then one is like really flowy and transparent it's the ghost of her old hair she got a haircut and it's still haunting her pardon me mr polaris yeah paint got it come on in why is this taking so long sure thunders might have been popular when he started out but we're talking two years the public is fickle kid who wants to go to a boxing match when the same goopy guy keeps winning well the same gooby guy this scooby guy okay so this is like the problem that they're trying to solve the entire movie they're like people aren't coming to the restaurant anymore because the same bear keeps winning he's fighting every time and he knocks the other person out in like a few seconds so it's not interesting ever what i don't understand is why does that bear have to fight they never explained that sure he's the reigning champion why can't they just change it so that like not the reigning champion fights every time why can't they just be like okay this guy's one too many times maybe let's find some new bears to box but instead it seems like they've just like spent the past two years doing nothing just letting this bear beat the [ __ ] out of every bear that steps in the ring with them geez maybe this bear should spend less time doing only peck exercises and more time learning how to run a business well then why don't you jump in the ring and challenge him mr polaris no can do when i inherited this club i retired from the ring oh gee what a crying shame ugh why do they keep doing that they've done that twice now where like the panda does like a shy little caress of the table but since he's got like panda claws they had to add in like a nail on a chalkboard sound to it oh gee what a crying shame oh gee what a shame mr polaris oh golly oh man hey i was wondering could a shy little bear like me get the night off i got [ __ ] to do this movie is full of really poorly paced scenes that do a really bad job of conveying what's supposed to be going on in them like this one for example where pancata shows up to his dance lesson i'm gonna play this scene in its entirety unedited so that you can get a sense for how weird it is right away master jin i swear i won't be late again i promise yeah so what so pankada shows up to his dance lesson his instructor tells him to go get changed henkata enters the dance studio from a dark abyss and says his sensei says and starts the music pancata starts stomping and giggling if sensei says and then hard cut to them sitting across from each other and pankad is moaning you you get what's going on here dude what is this dark void that he's coming from did they just forget to add a room back there it's impossibly dark in there also the door opening sound effect that they use sounds exactly like the sound when someone would log out in aol instant messenger does anybody remember that sound venkata is logging out dude pancata has logged out of the event there's this girl we work together down at the club see oh no pankara don't tell me you're in love with the mean bear girl but she doesn't even know i exist no she does dude she just thinks you're a loser to that girl i'm just a loser yeah okay yeah there you go hmm i see to make a woman notice you you must show her you value loyalty dude why was pankata reacting like that that was really distracting he was like responding to the dance instructor while he was still talking you must show her you value loyalty the next day polaris comes up with a plan to get business back to the restaurant you see for some reason polaris isn't allowed to box i guess he used to be a boxer but when he bought the bar he had to sign some contract that said that he will never step in the ring so he can't get in the ring and beat up the guy that has been winning even though he says that he could sure i could knock that overgrown furball out in two rounds flat so his big idea is to put on a costume and then get in the ring and beat the [ __ ] out of the bear yeah i present to you the great bear of mystery yeah his costume is just like a leather jumpsuit there's like nothing that is covering up his identity at all it's just from the neck down so everyone can see his face clear as day i mean i guess it is kind of covering up his signature pec muscle so maybe people won't be able to recognize him yeah kid give these a good washing i want him nice and fresh for the fight i'll stay here and plot the imminent demise of old thunderbutt himself that jerk that jerk dude that's so weird why is it like that yeah i'm gonna get out there and i'm gonna kick his ass [ __ ] him oh no dude did they make they made thick bears they made the girl bear thick no not sexy bears she's got a thick waist she's got boobs dude i think she might even be thicker than carol from rata towing why did it's also even funnier to me that like they didn't even try to make the panda bear look like humanoid at all they made him just look like a rotund panda bear he's just like a big round bear he looks nothing like a person but then for the only girl bear in the movie they were like this is what she has to look like you gotta look like this otherwise no one will know she's supposed to be a girl bear have you ever seen a bear that looks like this in your whole life she's got like dainty little arms with her big paws and like a really slim waist and those thick hips that is not a bear dude i don't know everybody else in this movie is a bear except this girl i have to handle some personal business right now privately so i gotta go nothing personal sorry about that and uh i'll see you later okay bye hmm i swear that bear gets more strange every day yeah okay dude you're the bear with boobs so i've never seen one of those before he's like a regular looking panda bear what are you so pancat is supposed to be washing polaris's costume but he gets distracted by the rhythm of the washing machine which there is none by the way the sound effect that they use like doesn't have any rhythm to it and then it just sort of like transitions into a completely different song with a like that sounds totally different than the sound the washer was making but anyway he gets swept away by the music and he starts dancing and he forgets all about polaris [Music] costume i feel like they accidentally made this movie about the two most difficult things to animate dancing and fighting in a way i kind of have to give them props it was truly ambitious of the four animators that worked on this movie to try to take on such a project but i do regret to inform you that it did not work out one more sucker who thinks he's got what it takes to beat freak teddy uh dude holy sh holy cow what am i gonna have to blur out this bear's butt look at this thing they literally sculpted individual butt cheeks on this bear come on man this is what you did for a whole year this is how you spent the year between rata towing and this sculpting a bear's ass is that really the best use of your time this bear has actual cheeks dude i don't know what to do okay google what is youtube's policy about animated bear cheeks google show me this bear's butt alright you know what i was okay with the bears in this movie being naked up until they put that much detail into the physique sexy bears i can deal with that even naked ones that's fine but in a restaurant where they're serving food you mean to tell me this bear has an actual butt crack just skating around the restaurant with her butt crack out they crossed the line there's a line right between her two butt cheeks and they crossed it one more sucker who thinks he's got what it takes to beat freak teddy okay so this part is kind of confusing but they basically totally spoil a later kind of twist in the movie so the news that there's a new challenger fighting freak teddy makes the paper and there's a picture of polaris in the newspaper and he's in his costume and like i mentioned in the last scene pancata gets too busy dancing to remember to take polaris stuff out of the wash and when the fight actually comes and polaris steps in the ring like the second he takes off his robe the suit shrinks and once it shrinks he kind of looks like a panda because now he's like black and white stripes so everybody thinks that he's pancata that's like the big funny twist in the movie which we'll talk about later when we get to that part but that hasn't happened yet as of right now pancata hasn't even taken the suit out of the wash yet he hasn't even remembered it yet let alone given it to polaris let alone it shrinking when he gets into the ring but i guess that the animators just like forgot what order this movie happens in somehow i know the plot of this movie better than the people who made it because in the picture of polaris in the newspaper which happens before the fight polaris looks like he's one already fighting and two the costume is shrunk this movie is so weird there are so many quality issues now the nice lady likes you because she thinks you're a big champion boxer there's also like a ton of really weird audio mistakes in this movie lucky he's wearing a mask that way no one will know who he is when he inevitably bites that stuff like how does that even happen what buttons do you press in the editing program on accident to make that happen when he inevitably bites the star you know when he bites the whoops it's just like how did this movie get approved by anyone all right dude this is your big moment the director's finally watching the finished movie months of hard work animating have brought you here i just hope he likes it so far so good one more sucker who thinks he's got what it takes to be freak teddy oh [ __ ] polaris is wearing the shrunken costume he's not supposed to be wearing that yet the director's gonna have my head for this one wait it looks like he didn't notice wow that was that was really lucky i just hope that doesn't happen again that way no one will know who he is when he inevitably bites this guy and the audio mistake oh no dude that's it i'm definitely done for now wait he's just sitting there and that's the end of the movie holy [ __ ] i can't believe i got away with it uh well sir what did you think it was great i loved it oh sick that's awesome so it's ready to release then yeah nice work wow thank you sir you know i've been waiting a really long time to hear you say that actually so are you snoring wait what [Music] wait was he asleep the whole time but he walked in here all right dude let's watch this movie how long has he been asleep for this resume looks great buddy you're hired wow thank you so much for this opportunity sir i'm gonna make you proud i promise this doesn't make any sense he's been to my house this pasta is delicious he was at my wedding this cake is delicious and it all meant nothing that movie was delicious well i gotta get going i've got another meeting starting in five minutes great job again uh thanks sir where am i why do i feel so well rested oh i had an awful nightmare i was a director you are a director who the [ __ ] are you yeah that's probably how it happened a real man would have the courage to show his face even if he was a big loser i have a feeling he's not a big loser as you think you act like you know the guy well no i just think he deserves a fair shake right oh well no i don't know i don't know i'm just a shy little bear what okay now it's time for the fight where the costume actually shrinks so pancata has gotten the clothes out of the washer now he's given it to polaris polaris steps in the ring and it shrinks right away i don't believe it could it be it looks like pancotta dude they're like three feet away from the boxing ring like it's like right there how can they not the movie the movie makes no sense i mean i think we can all agree right they work at the same bar as pancata they all work together they work with polaris also how would they not be able to tell that it's him from three feet away they've probably known each other for years these bears man they're kind of dumb low-key [Applause] [Music] can this bear go to the hospital or something this drippy nose bear go to the doctor dude everything about you is wrong man why is he standing like that i hate this bear while the fight is going on pancata is actually having a pretty big night of his own he's not at the boxing event because he's got a big dance audition tonight the movie never really explains what this dance audition is for from context clues it just kind of seems like he's trying to get onto some like dance squad or something so while everybody else is watching the big fight he's out there killing it on the dance floor dude he's rolling around like he's possessed he's contorting his body the way his body bends it kind of looks like he's made out of an inflatable pool toy and he ends the whole routine by diving over the judges and going into yet another abyss i don't know why so many doors in this movie lead to just black voids of nothingness but i hope he's okay also pretty chilling that the judges don't react at all when pancada dives over them i mean he's either doing like the sickest end of a dance routine ever or he's like plummeting to his doom either way they should like react somehow or at least like watch him go over their head but instead they're just like and when the night is over unfortunately pancata doesn't make the cut he doesn't make it onto the dance squad but polaris does win the fight and since everybody thinks that it was pancada on stage for some reason he becomes a bit of a local celebrity amazing pancata totally sensational who'da thought a sweet guy like you had it in ya which is obviously confusing to him because he doesn't know anything about the fight that happened last night he thinks that people are talking about his dance routine [Music] oh dude what dude what is that face hey kids it's me a sexy little bear better believe we're showing off these sexy bear hips in this kid's movie made for kids also why is her face so in shadow she's outside so of course now that everybody thinks that pankat is the superstar the girl is in love with him i ought to be mad at you for not telling me how talented you are everybody's talking about it you were just incredible pancata i'm just pancata right the same old me you know don't be modest you silly bear no harsh yeah well that's just how i am don't be modest [ __ ] ah you're everything to me so after pancata soaks in all the fame he sort of feels guilty about deceiving everyone plus polaris realizes that he can't keep this ruse up forever and pretend to be pancata on stage so they decide that pancata is going to have to fight in the next fight himself which results in quite possibly the world's worst montage sequence this is gonna be a really long [Music] day [Music] some of the shots in this montage are just like horrific dude the faces he's making the way his body like melts and oozes when he bends they also of course keep reusing some of the same shots over and over they love to do that and on top of it all there's just so much moaning there's like way too much moaning [Music] dude what is going on in this scene what i i just saw this i never noticed this before what is he doing you know how you train for a fight all right guys well anyway now it's fight time it's time for the big fight venkata's training is over now it's time to put it to the test as the fight's about to begin snotty bear is telling the girl bear how good for business pankad has been he says that tickets are just like flying off the shelves honey i knew the turnout would be good for this fight but you should see how many bets i took and then right after that we get a nice sweeping shot of the arena where we see that the animators again forgot what was going on in the movie and just didn't add anybody in the bar which is awesome and now it's time to fight there comes my other eye what if he just died right now he's getting beat up for like a minute straight what if the movie just ends with pancata dying and they're like well we tried our best i guess we're never getting rid of this guy so yeah he loses this move is called little panda fighter and it's about a big fat panda who doesn't want to be a fighter and also never becomes a fighter so you probably think that the bar's just going to go back to [ __ ] after this because they're basically in the same spot that they left off at but apparently while everyone was betting on pancata to win polaris actually bet against him because he knew that he wouldn't be able to beat him i knew there was no way a tubby little panda could beat a monster like that and he wins a [ __ ] ton of money you're rich which he uses to retire to the north pole or something and he gives the bar to pancada so the movie ends with pancata running the bar and then he turns it from a fighting bar into a dance show place where you can come to just watch him dance yeah you're yanking my fur again ain't ya wow what a that's awesome great last shot of the movie that's sick so yeah that's the end of the movie pancata gets his own dancing venue where he can dance as much as he wants and all he had to do was help his boss lie so he could win a [ __ ] ton of money and that's the end of the movie guys well i hope you enjoyed this video also thanks for the support on the merch a lot of it sold out like way faster than any merch that i've ever made so thank you guys make sure you pick some up if you didn't get it last time at danny gonzales.store thank you for all the support oh also i keep forgetting to mention this on my channel but i've been streaming on twitch if you don't follow me on twitter or instagram you probably did not know that but i've been streaming every monday and wednesday at 6 p.m central time so if you want to come watch me i'm usually playing minecraft i am very bad at minecraft so the chat is usually teaching me how to play minecraft oh [ __ ] okay uh [ __ ] oh no oh no [ __ ] okay yeah i don't think that's gonna work you wanna come hang out and watch uh it's been really fun so far so thank you for everyone who's been watching those and for your support on that also you guys are seriously kind of lit if you liked this video and you're not subscribed yet make sure you subscribe and turn on my notifications to join greg greg is what i call my army here on youtube and we are actually the fastest growing army on youtube don't look that up you can just take my word for it i'm a trustworthy guy would i ever lie to you come on man all right well that's about it i'll see you guys next time thanks for watching bye bye this video is over now over now go find something else to watch or just watch this video i know we had a lot of fun [Music] so why are you still watching this

Channel: Danny Gonzalez

Views: 4,065,372

Keywords: danny gonzalez, funny, commentary, comedy, react, reaction, reacting, awful, humor

Id: g-1O5cqb80E

Length: 24min 27sec (1467 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 16 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/Sarllacc_]

Yummy a new video

[u/Klutzy-Design5340]

the panda is horrifying