>>HEY GUYS! THIS IS OUR BACK TO SCHOOL COMPILATION. EVERY SKETCH THAT HAS TO DO WITH SCHOOL AND GOING BACK TO IT. >>HOPE IT GETS YOU THROUGH THE SCHOOL YEAR. >>YEAH, GOOD LUCK. >>DON'T DROP OUT KID. >>REALLY DON'T, WE'RE NOT BEING SARCASTIC! ♪♪REALLY DON'T, [CAMERA SHUTTER] >>OKAY, THAT LOOKS LIKE IT'S GOING TO TURN OUT GREAT, THANK YOU SO MUCH. HI, COME ON IN AND HAVE A SEAT. OKAY, AND SMILE. OH, THAT ACTUALLY TURNED OUT PRETTY GOOD. >>YEAH? >>NOBODY MOVE, AGENT STONE, AGENT FLOWERS, B.R.S.I. >>BUREAU FOR THE RECTIFICATION OF SOCIAL INEQUALITY, PLEASE STEP ASIDE, MAM. >>WHAT? I DON'T UNDER- >>SHE'S RIGHT, HE LOOKS NORMAL. >>DELETE IT. >>WHAT? BUT MY SCHOOL PHOTOS NEVER LOOK GOOD! >>EXACTLY, NOBODY TAKES GOOD SCHOOL PHOTOS. WE CAN'T LET THIS PHOTO GET OUT INTO THE OPEN. >>WHY? >>BECAUSE THE WORLD WOULD GO INTO A COLLECTIVE COLLAPSE OF SELF ESTEEM. THE ONLY REASON EVERYONE CAN JOKE ABOUT HOW BAD THEIR GRADE SCHOOL PHOTOS ARE IS BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE ALSO HAS BAD GRADE SCHOOL PHOTOS. SO IF JUST ONE BEAUTIFUL PHOTO GETS OUT THERE, EVERYONE'S EGO WOULD BE DESTROYED AND THE WORLD WOULD DESCEND INTO CHAOS, ON THE PLUS SIDE SELFIES WOULD NO LONGER BE A THING. >>YOU SEE THIS PICTURE? YOU SEE THIS. >>WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT? >>NOTHING. SHE'S FLAWLESS, BUT THEN LITTLE MISS PRISS DECIDED TO SHOW A FEW FRIENDS AND BAM, WORLD WAR II. >>WHAT? THAT CAN'T POSSIBLY BE THE REASON. >>OH NO? THIS CUTIE PIE SUNK THE TITANIC. CAPTAIN TOOK ONE LOOK AT IT AND DECIDED HE HAD NOTHING LEFT TO LIVE FOR, AND IT'S HIS OWN DAUGHTER. >>THIS SORT OF THING HAS BEEN HAPPENING ALL THROUGHOUT HISTORY, WE'RE NOT SURE HOW, BUT THIS LITTLE BABY CAUSED POMPEII. >>DON'T WORRY THOUGH, WE'RE HERE TO HELP. LET'S GET THE 90'S KIT. >>WHAT? THE 90'S KIT? >>HIS CLOTHES ARE TOO IN STYLE, THIS OVERSIZED TIE-DYE SHIRT WILL TAKE CARE OF THAT. >>OH THE 90'S, IT'S LIKE THE 80'S ATE THE 70'S AND THEN THREW IT UP. >>LET'S GET SOME BRACES ON HIM. >>YEAH. >>BUT I DON'T NEED BRACES, I WAS BORN WITH PERFECT TEETH. >>THAT INFORMATION DOESN'T LEAVE THIS ROOM. >>LISTEN TO ME YOU LITTLE GENETIC WONDER, YOU PUT ON THESE BRACES, AND YOU LEAVE THEM ON, YOU UNDERSTAND ME? >>YES MAM. >>PERFECT, THAT HAIR IS AN ISSUE. >>SCISSORS, I CAN MAKE IT A MULLET IN TWO MINUTES. >>NOPE, JUST GIVE HIM A COWLICK. WE WANT HIM TO LOOK BAD NOT EUROPEAN. >>CAN WE GET SOME GLASSES TO HIDE THE FACT THAT HE HAS PERFECT VISION? >>YES. >>HOW OLD ARE YOU SON? >>TEN. >>IS THAT OLD ENOUGH TO GET ZITS. >>I'VE NEVER HAD ANY. >>OH GREAT, I'M SURE THE WOMAN YOU MARRY IS GOING TO LOVE TO HEAR YOU HAD PERFECT SKIN YOUR WHOLE LIFE. >>OH. >>FOOL. >>PUT ONE ON HIS NOSE. >>WHY? >>BECAUSE, ZITS ARE LIKE REAL ESTATE AND YOUR NOSE IS BEACH FRONT PROPERTY. LET'S GET SOME HAIR SPRAY. >>WHAT? BUT YOU ALREADY MESSED UP HIS HAIR. >>IT'S FOR HIS EYES. >>WHAT, OW! NOW I CAN BARELY OPEN THEM. AH! >>FIST ON THE CHIN. OH YEAH, I THINK WE'RE READY. >>NO, NOT YET, GET THE LASERS. >>AGENT STONE I THINK HE'S- >>I SAID THE LASERS. >>PLEASE, HE'S JUST A CHILD. >>I'M SORRY MAM, BRACE YOURSELF SON. >>BLESS THE MAN THAT DESIGNED THAT BACKDROP. >>I THINK YOU WENT TOO FAR- >>I WASN'T READY. >>WE'LL SEE YOU IN SIX YEARS WHEN YOU NEED A DRIVER'S LICENSE PHOTO. >>I JUST WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL. >>DON'T LET ANYTHING LIKE THIS HAPPEN AGAIN, THE POWER YOU WIELD AS A GRADE SCHOOL PHOTOGRAPHER CANNOT BE TAKEN LIGHTLY. I KNOW, I'M SORRY. >>SORRY GUYS, I WAS AT RECESS AND CHIPPED MY TOOTH. >>WELL, WE'RE CLEARLY NOT NEEDED HERE ANYMORE, THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME. >>RIGHT. THAT'S WHAT I'M THINKING. >>YEAH... YEAH. >>SO... ONCE THE SUMMER STARTS I'M JUST- OH, HEY! >>OH MAN. HEY. [CLEARS THROAT] BOOM! 79! "C'S" GET DEGREES AND C+ GET BETTER DEGREES. >>YES! 85! GIVE ME SOME! >>SWEET. >>MAKES ME WONDER WHAT I WOULD HAVE GOT IF I WOULD HAVE STUDIED. >>YEAH. >>OH WAIT GUYS, SMARTY-PANTS GOT TO CHECK. >>OKAY. >>OKAY. STOP. STOP IT. STOP IT. STOP IT. >>ALL RIGHT, HOW PERFECT DID YOU DO? [SILENCE] >>52? I GOT A 52? I WORKED- NAY, SLAVED, PAINSTAKINGLY STUDIED MY REAR-END TO THE BONE AND THIS IS ALL I HAVE TO SHOW FOR IT? IT'S 52. THAT IS IT! THERE IS NO LOVE, NO HAPPINESS, NO SUNSHINE! THERE IS NO SANTA CLAUS! I HAVE GIVEN YOU MY TIME, MY TEARS, MY SOUL ECON 101 AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME? 52? [GIGGLES] >>[LAUGHTER] >>[SNORTS] I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY! I HOPE YOU CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT KNOWING IN YOUR COLD EMPTY HEART THAT THERE WAS ONCE A STUDENT WHO LOVED YOU MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF AND THAT YOU SPAT ON HIM AND CUT HIM TO HIS CORE. EYES, LOOK YOUR LAST. ARMS, TAKE YOUR LAST EMBRACE. CRUELTY, THY NAME IS ECON. >>HEY MATT, YOU KNOW, UM, IF ECON DOESN'T WORK OUT FOR YOU, YOU COULD MAJOR IN ACTING OR CRAZY... >>UH, MATT, YOU DIDN'T GET THE 52. >>WHAT? >>NO. YOU GOT THE 98 WITH THE GOLD STAR NEXT TO IT AND THE COMMENT THAT SAYS, "IF YOU WERE MY SON, "I'D BE SO PROUD. MAN, I WISH YOU WERE MY SON." >>THAT WAS CLOSE. >>THAT'S REALLY FLATTERING ACTUALLY. >>WELL, WHO GOT THE 52? >>I DID. THAT'S OKAY. PROBABLY GOING TO LOSE MY SCHOLARSHIP AND THEN JUST HAVE TO LIVE OFF OF RAMEN FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR, BUT... IT WAS A FUN WEEKEND SO... >>[SCOFFS] DRAMA QUEEN. >>LET'S PLAY A NEW GAME. >>LET'S PLAY THE GROUND IS LAVA! [SCREAMS] >>JAMES! >>WHAT? >>THE GROUND IS LAVA! >>I DIDN'T KNOW! [CRIES] [SHRIEKING] >>JAMES! >>WE'RE ALREADY ONE MAN DOWN! IT'S GOING TO BE ONE OF THOSE DAYS. >>PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, WHITNEY, BEFORE MORE INNOCENT LIVES ARE LOST! >>WE HAVE TO GET ACROSS TO THE OTHER SIDE! THERE'S A HELICOPTER WAITING TO RESCUE US. BUT WE HAVE TO HELP THE WOMEN FIRST. >>EXCUSE ME, I RESENT THAT JUST BECAUSE I'M A GIRL, YOU DON'T THINK I CAN DO THIS BY MYSELF. [GRUNT] >>AH! MY WEAK GIRL ARMS! MY HUBRIS! [SHRIEKING] >>MALLORY! >>THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO BE A HERO! >>OW, I'M HURT! >>OH, PAUSE EVERYONE! >>I'M OKAY, I'M OKAY. >>UNPAUSE. [SCREAMS] [SHRIEKING] >>JEREMY! >>OH! PEOPLE ARE DROPPING LIKE FLIES! THIS IS WORSE THAN THE TIME WE TRIED TO PLAY TAG WITH THE OBESE KIDS. >>WHAT DO WE DO NOW? >>CAN I JUST SAY I THINK IT'S TOTALLY LAME YOU GUYS STARTED PLAYING BEFORE I WAS READY. >>JAMES, GO AWAY! YOU ALREADY FELL INTO THE LAVA! AND YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE BOOGERS! >>TOO MEAN! [SHRIEKING] >>JAMES! >>HE WAS ALREADY GONE, WHITNEY! >>I KNOW, BUT I FORGOT! >>OKAY, DO WE REALLY NEED TO BRING WHITNEY WITH US? I MEAN, I'M GETTING A LITTLE SICK OF HER EMOTIONS. >>YEAH, I AGREE. THROW HER IN! >>WHAT? NO! >>I'M SORRY, WHITNEY, THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN! [SHRIEKING] >>WHITNEY! >>DID SHE JUST SCREAM HER OWN NAME? >>WHAT HAVE WE DONE? WE'RE MONSTERS! >>[SHRIEKING] >>I HATE WHEN WHITNEY DIES IN THIS GAME. SHE'S SO COMMITTED. >>MY FLESH! MY LEGS ARE SLOWLY MELTING INTO OBLIVION! >>MY LOVE! >>[GASPS] >>OH, GROW UP, PEOPLE, WE'RE EIGHT YEARS OLD NOW! I WANT OUR LIPS TO TOUCH LIKE IN THE MOVIES! >>WHAT AM I HEARING RIGHT NOW? >>FOR LOVE! >>STEPHEN, YOU FOOL! CHILDHOOD ROMANCES NEVER LAST! >>YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING, ADAM! WE'RE GOING TO GET MARRIED SOME DAY! [GROANS OF DISGUST] >>I WOULD'VE RATHER WATCHED WHITNEY DIE AGAIN THAN SEE THAT. >>THIS IS IT! EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF! >>NO, STACEY, WE HAVE TO STAY TOGETHER! [SCREAMS] >>OUT OF THE GAME, AM I? WELL, NOW I'M THE LAVA MONSTER! >>I CAN'T HOLD ON! >>I'M COMING! >>JOIN ME IN THE FLAMES, STACEY! >>NO! >>STACEY, EAT THESE FRUIT SNACKS! THEY WILL MAKE YOU STRONG! >>OW! WHY? >>NO, I'M TOO TALL! MY FEET! [SCREAMS] >>TELL MY STORY! >>ADAM! >>OKAY KIDS, TIME TO HEAD IN. RECESS IS OVER. >>MISS MADSEN, I THINK WE NEED TO SEE THE NURSE. >>ARE YOU OKAY? >>I'M NOT SURE. WE'VE SEEN THINGS TODAY THAT WE CAN'T UNSEE. >>STEPHEN, STOP KISSING WHITNEY, PLEASE. >>♪♪ HOW DO YOU LIKE IT? ♪ ♪ AH-AH-AH-OH. ♪ ♪ AH-AH-AH-OH. ♪ ♪ AH-AH-AH-OH. ♪ ♪ YEAH. ♪♪ >>HERE YOU GO. >>THANKS. SO IS RACHEL COMING TO THE SCHOOL CARNIVAL? >>I DON'T THINK SO. >>WHAT? I THOUGHT YOU TWO WERE BACK TOGETHER. I SHOULD REALLY INVEST MORE TIME INTO GOSSIPING. >>IT'S JUST TOO HARD BETWEEN ME AND RACHEL. I FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING IS TRYING TO TEAR US APART. >>COME ON, RYAN, YOU TWO ARE MEANT TO BE. RYAN AND RACHEL, WILL THEY OR WON'T THEY? YOU EVEN HAVE A COUPLE NAME. >>RYACHENEL DOES SOUND PRETTY COOL. >>HEY, THERE SHE IS, MAN. YOU SHOULD GO GET HER. >>RACHEL! RACHEL! I LOVE YOU. >>I'LL SEE YOU LATER TONIGHT. >>RYAN? >>I GUESS I'M TOO LATE THEN. >>IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. WAIT! >>OH NO. HE MUST NOT HAVE REALIZED THAT WE'RE COUSINS. >>AND THAT WE HAVEN'T DATED FOR YEARS. I HAVE TO TALK TO HIM. I'LL SEE YOU AT GRANDMA'S. >>GOOD LUCK, COUS. >>RYAN. RYAN. RYAN. RYAN. >>RACHEL. >>YOU SURE MOVE ON FAST. >>IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. I SWEAR. >>HOLD ON, I'M ALMOST DONE. >>WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE HOLDING ME LIKE THAT WHEN YOU'RE PAINTING MY FACE? >>IT'S CRUCIAL TO MY TECHNIQUE. >>WHAT THE HECK IS THIS? >>IT'S HELLO KITTY. >>NO! NO! RACHEL! >>GOODBYE, KITTY. >>RACHEL! >>YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD GET AWAY WITH GRAND THEFT AND DRUG DEALING AND MURDER? WELL, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT. >>I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE. >>RYAN. IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. >>THANKS A LOT FOR LETTING ME PRACTICE ON YOU, RANDOM STUDENT. >>I DIDN'T LET YOU. >>OH, YOU KNOW, FIRST DAY ON THE JOB- WAIT, NO, NO, I STILL GOT TO PRACTICE WITH THE PEPPER SPRAY! >>RYAN! RYAN, WAIT! RYAN... YOU HAVE A FAMILY YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT? >>RACHEL, IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! >>THAT CHILD HAS YOUR DECEITFUL BEADY EYES, RYAN. >>THEY'RE NOT MY FAMILY, I- I WORK FOR A STOCK PHOTO COMPANY. >>ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE, RACKETS UP. >>RACHEL! >>ALL RIGHT, I CAN WORK WITH THIS. SINGLE MOM. SHOW ME INDEPENDENCE. [CAT NOISE] >>RACHEL? >>RYAN? IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. >>I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS LOOKS LIKE. >>I CAN EXPLAIN. >>OH, YOU'VE EXPLAINED ENOUGH, RACHEL. >>BUT, UH- >>I THINK I DISTRACTED THE SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS LONG ENOUGH FOR YOU TO FREE ALL OF THE TEST SUBJECT ANIMALS WITHOUT CAMPUS SECURITY NOTICING. >>RYAN! RYAN! >>RACHEL, I LOVE YOU. >>RYAN! RYAN! >>RACHEL, DON'T GO! >>OH, OKAY. >>WAIT, REALLY? >>YEAH. >>I KIND OF ASSUMED YOU WERE GOING TO GO. >>NO I ACTUALLY KIND OF WANT TO STAY AND SEE WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON HERE. >>OKAY, WELL- THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, OKAY? I PROMISE- YOU KNOW WHAT, I CAN'T. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. I'M A VAMPIRE. >>OH. >>♪♪ HOW DO YOU LIKE IT? ♪♪ >>THERE YOU ARE! >>[SCREAMS] WHY? >>GOOD MORNING CLASS. MY NAME IS PROFESSOR WILCOX AND WELCOME TO PHOTOBOMBING 101. NOW A LITTLE BIT ABOUT MYSELF. I GRADUATED WITH A DOCTORATE OF PHOTOBOMBING AT HARVARD. >>IS THAT A REAL DEGREE? >>OH, OOPS. I MISSPOKE. ACTUALLY I PHOTOBOMBED A GRADUATE RECEIVING HIS DOCTORATE AT HARVARD. OH. HOW'D THAT GET THERE? NOW I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOUR CLASS TA MELVIN JONES. MELVIN COMES FROM A LONG LINE OF PRESTIGIOUS PHOTO BOMBERS. >>YES, MY GREAT- GREAT- GREAT- GREAT-GRANDFATHER WAS KNOWN AS ONE OF THE FIRST PHOTO BOMBERS. >>UH, DID THEY EVEN HAVE PHOTOGRAPHS BACK THEN? >>THEY DID NOT. HE WAS A PORTRAIT BOMBER. HE HAD TO HOLD THAT POSE FOR 20 HOURS. >>NOW THAT'S DEDICATION. NOW, FOR PROFESSIONAL PHOTO-BOMBERY IT'S IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER, "M-B-F" MARRIAGE, BIRTH, AND FUNERALS. WHO CAN TELL ME WHY THAT IS? >>OH, BECAUSE PHOTOBOMBING THESE CAUSES THE MOST ANNOYANCE TO THE PHOTOGRAPHER AND SUBJECT. >>EXACTLY. >>ANYONE CAN PHOTOBOMB A FAMILY PHOTO, BUT THE M-B-F'S ARE ONCE IN A LIFETIME, USUALLY. WELL, NOT SO MUCH MARRIAGES THESE DAYS. YES. >>HOW DID YOU PHOTO BOMB A BIRTH? DON'T THEY ONLY ALLOW IN IMMEDIATE FAMILY AND MEDICAL PERSONNEL? >>EXCELLENT QUESTION. MELVIN, WOULD YOU LIKE TO EXPLAIN? >>I WOULD LOVE TO. THE KEY IS TO DISGUISE YOURSELF. I'VE IMPERSONATED DOCTORS, NURSES, AND EVEN BABIES. >>YOU PRETENDED TO BE A DOCTOR. ISN'T THAT DANGEROUS? >>OH, EXTREMELY. YES. I HAVE HAD TO DELIVER A SHOCKING NUMBER OF CHILDREN. >>NOW, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DID THE READING I ASSIGNED OVER THE BREAK, WHO CAN TELL ME HOW THE DIGITAL CAMERA HAS AFFECTED THE PHOTO-BOMBER. >>OH! >>AGAIN. YES. >>WELL, WITH FILM PEOPLE DIDN'T KNOW THAT THEY'D BEEN PHOTOBOMBED UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE, BUT NOW WITH DIGITAL CAMERAS, PEOPLE CAN VIEW AND DELETE THEIR PHOTOS INSTANTLY. >>YOU ARE THE HERMIONE GRANGER OF THE PHOTOBOMB WORLD AND SHE'S ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. THAT'S WHY SUBTLETY IS A CRUCIAL SKILL TO DEVELOP, BUT IF YOU'RE TOO SUBTLE, IT CAN BACKFIRE. NOW WHO CAN TELL ME WHERE I AM ON THIS PHOTO? >>ARE YOU THE RANDOM GUY IN THE BACKGROUND? >>NO. I AM THE TREE. THIS IS A GOOD EXAMPLE OF BEING OVERLY SUBTLE. NOW, SOME OF YOU SUFFER FROM A CONDITION KNOWN AS L-P; LAME POSES. MELVIN HERE WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO COMBAT L-P. >>AH. FOR BEGINNERS IT'S GOOD TO START WITH THE BASICS SUCH AS THE "SASQUATCH", "THE NIXON", AND "THE CHEERLEADER". FOR THE MORE ADVANCED PRACTITIONERS WE HAVE THE CRAZED FLY FISHERMAN. UH, WE ALSO HAVE THE WITCH ON A BROOMSTICK AND THE SPACEMAN. I HAD TO FALL FROM A THREE STORY BUILDING TO GET THAT AFFECT. >>NOW BEFORE WE CLOSE I WOULD LIKE TO TEACH YOU THE NUMBER ONE RULE OF PHOTOBOMBING. ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, MAKE SURE THEY ARE TAKING A PHOTO AND NOT A VIDEO. SOME OF YOU MAY BE FEELING OVERWHELMED AT THIS POINT, BUT DON'T WORRY. WE'LL START OFF SMALL WITH THE TRADITIONAL DISNEYLAND PHOTOBOMB, BUT BY THE END OF THE SEMESTER EACH OF YOU WILL BE PHOTOBOMBING ULTRASOUNDS. >>YEAH, I THINK THAT IT WOULD BE OKAY AS LONG AS I CAN GET MY HOMEWORK DONE. >>OKAY GOOD. OH GREAT, HERE COMES SHANNON, MOLLY, AND HANNAH OVER HERE TO BE RUDE. >>HI NATALIE, MALLORY, HOW ARE YOU GUYS DOING? >>WE'RE GOOD, THANKS. >>AWESOME. MAL, YOU LOOK PRETTIER THAN NORMAL TODAY. DID YOU ACTUALLY SHOWER? >>HA-HA, VERY FUNNY SHANNON. >>NO, BUT SERIOUSLY, THIS LAUNDRY OUTFIT THAT YOU'RE WEARING IS REALLY CUTE. >>WHATEVER, SHANNON. JUST GO AWAY. >>YOU KNOW WHAT SHANNON? JOKE'S ON YOU BECAUSE ALL OF MAL'S CLOTHES ARE THIS UGLY. >>THANK YOU, NATALIE. >>WELL, MALLORY, I NOTICED DURING LUNCH TODAY THAT YOU ATE THREE WHOLE SLICES OF CHOCOLATE CAKE. I AM REALLY IMPRESSED THAT YOU CAN PUT DOWN THAT MUCH. >>UH, YOU'RE IMPRESSED BY THAT? MAL EATS ENTIRE SHEET CAKES BY HERSELF ALL THE TIME JUST 'CAUSE SHE'S SAD. >>YEAH, REALLY SAD! REALLY, REALLY SAD! SEE, I LICKED THAT WHILE I WAS CRYING ON THE BUS, SHANNON! >>YEAH, ON THE BUS! >>UM, WELL, ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO THE DANCE THIS WEEKEND OR DO YOU STILL NOT HAVE A BOYFRIEND? >>UH, MAL'S NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND BECAUSE BOYS AREN'T VERY ATTRACTED TO HER. >>SING IT! >>PHYSICALLY OR PERSONALITY-WISE! >>YEAH! I'M PLAIN AND DULL, SHANNON. DEAL WITH IT! OH! >>OH YEAH, WE'RE DOING THIS! WHO CARES? >>YEAH, WHO'S PRETTY NOW? >>ME? >>YEAH, YOU ARE. >>YOU'RE GORGEOUS. >>OH, AND BEFORE YOU MAKE FUN OF MAL FOR BEING FIRED FROM HER FAST FOOD JOB, YOU BETTER THINK AGAIN BECAUSE MAL'S ONLY FIRED FROM TACO BELL BECAUSE SHE'S INCOMPETENT. >>HEY. >>SORRY, DEL TACO. >>YEAH! >>YOU GUYS ARE REALLY WEIRD. I DON'T LIKE YOU AT ALL. >>UH, NO ONE LIKES MAL. >>YEAH, EVERYONE HATES ME! >>SHE'S THE WORST! >>COME ON, GIRLS. >>SEE YA. >>OH YEAH. YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND NATALIE. I LOVE YOU. >>YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND TOO, LOSER. >>I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WOMEN. >>YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF THIS INTRODUCTORY COURSE TO ACTING. THE BULK OF YOUR GRADE RESTS UPON THE PERFORMANCE OF TODAY'S MONOLOGUES. WHICH BRAVE SOUL AMONGST YOU WOULD LIKE TO GO FIRST? ANYONE? TIM! EXCELLENT! TAKE A MOMENT TO PREPARE AND THEN START WHEN YOU ARE READY. >>[CLEARS THROAT] INFECTIOUS MONONUCLEOSIS, SOMETIMES COLLOQUIAL KNOWN AS THE KISSING DISEASE FROM ITS ORAL TRANSMISSION IS A WIDE SPREAD- >>HOLD PLEASE. TIM, ARE YOU RECITING THE WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE FOR MONO? >>YES. >>IS THAT BECAUSE WHEN I TOLD YOU PREPARE A MONOLOGUE, YOU THOUGHT I MEANT PREPARE A PIECE ON MONO? >>YES. >>DID ANYONE ELSE PREPARE A MONOLOGUE ON MONO? SAME THING HAPPENED LAST YEAR. I'M AFRAID THIS CLASS IS CANCELLED. >>WHAT? NO! NO, PLEASE, GIVE ME A CHANCE. THIS WAS SO HARD TO MEMORIZE. THERE WERE SO MANY MEDICAL TERMS I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND. IT WAS WORSE THAN SHAKESPEARE. >>WRONG TIM! NOTHING IS WORSE THAN SHAKESPEARE. THE PURPOSE OF THE MONOLOGUE IS TO SEE AN ACTOR'S RANGE. LITTLE THOUGH IT MAY BE. I CANNOT SEE THE HIGHS AND THE LOWS OF HUMAN EMOTION IF YOU ARE GOING TO REGURGITATE THE INTERNET. >>JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE. PLEASE! I CAN SHOW YOU RANGE. >>VERY WELL. BUT LET IT BE KNOWN THAT IF YOU STEP ON THIS STAGE, I WILL COUNT IT TOWARDS YOUR FINAL GRADE. CHOOSE CAREFULLY. >>A MAJOR SYMPTOM IS EXHAUSTION; HEADACHES ARE COMMON ALONG WITH ABDOMINAL PAIN. HOWEVER- >>HOWEVER NAUSEA AND VOMITING MAY OCCUR. >>I'LL ALLOW IT. >>FATIGUE MAY SOMETIMES LAST FOR MONTHS! >>BUT IT GENERALLY PASSES WITHIN TWO YEARS. >>THE MOST PROMINENT SIGN IS OFTEN PHARYNGITIS- >>AND PUSS. >>A SMALL MINORITY OF PEOPLE SPONTANEOUSLY PRESENT A RASH- >>-AND MORE PUSS! >>INFECTION IS SPREAD VIA SALIVA. >>I'LL ALLOW IT. >>AND HAS AN INCUBATION PERIOD LASTING FOUR TO SIX WEEKS. THE LENGTH OF TIME AN INDIVIDUAL REMAINS CONTAGIOUS IS UNCLEAR. >>PEOPLE CAN STILL SPREAD THE INFECTION FOR MANY MONTHS. >>POSSIBLY UP TO A YEAR AND A HALF. >>OH! >>IT MAINLY AFFECTS YOUNGER ADULTS. >>THEY ARE LIKELY TO EXPERIENCE FEVER, FATIGUE, AND BODY PAINS. THEY MAY HAVE AN ENLARGED LIVER AND JAUNDICE. >>PEOPLE OVER 40 YEARS OF AGE ARE MORE LIKELY TO DEVELOP SERIOUS ILLNESS. OKAY! >>MILD FEVER AND SWOLLEN NECK GLANDS MAY ALSO PERSIST BEYOND FOUR WEEKS. >>THE CHARACTERISTICS SYMPTOMATOLOGY WASN'T REPORTED UNTIL THE LATE 19TH CENTURY. [GUN NOISE] >>DIAGNOSIS- DIAGNOSTIC CRITERION IS THE PRESENCE OF 50 PERCENT LYMPHOCYTES AND MORE PUSS. >>THE PUSS IS YELLOW SOMETIMES GREEN! >>THE VIRUS REPLICATES WITHIN EPITHELIAL CELLS IN THE PHARYNX AND LATER PRIMARILY WITHIN B CELLS. >>THE EXACT LENGTH OF THE INCUBATION PERIOD IS UNCLEAR. A REVIEW OF THE LITERATURE ESTIMATED 33-49 DAYS. ONSET IS OFTEN GRADUAL THOUGH IT CAN BE ABRUPT. MONONUCLEOSIS. >>[APPLAUSE] THANK YOU FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL THREE-PERSON MONOLOGUE. YOU WILL ALL RECEIVE AN "A" FOR THE COURSE. >>[CHEERING] WE DID IT! >>I HAVE MONO. >>COMMITMENT! [LAUGHS] [BELL NOISE] >>YES! MY CAREER PLACEMENT RESULTS SAY I'M GOING TO BE A DOCTOR! I KNEW IT! >>THAT'S GREAT, MALLORY. WHAT DOES IT SAY IN THE DESCRIPTION? >>IT SAYS 86 PERCENT MATCH, THAT I ENJOY HELPING PEOPLE, AND I HAVE A STRONG INTEREST IN LEARNING. [BELL NOISE] >>COOL. AFRICAN SAFARI GUIDE. [BELL NOISE] >>DOLPHIN TRAINER. AWESOME. [BELL NOISE] >>SEWAGE WORKER. OH MAN. MY DAD WAS RIGHT. >>NOW REMEMBER, THESE TESTS DON'T PREDICT THE FUTURE. THEY JUST REFLECT YOUR INTERSTS. >>YOU'RE INTERESTED IN SEWAGE? >>WELL, NO MORE THAN OTHER PEOPLE. >>I'M NOT INTERESTED AT ALL. >>OKAY, MAYBE A LITTLE MORE THAN OTHER PEOPLE BUT NOT ENOUGH TO MAKE IT MY CAREER. >>WELL, WHAT DOES THE DESCRIPTION SAY? >>99 PERCENT MATCH. YOU ENJOY SEWAGE. >>UGH. >>ENJOY IS A STRONG WORD, OKAY? I DON'T WANT TO WORK IN SOCIETY'S SEWERS. I MEAN, CAN YOU IMAGINE TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER TO WORK DAY? >>NO WORRIES. THIS SAYS YOU PROBABLY WON'T HAVE KIDS. >>WHAT? THAT IS OFFENSIVE TO ALL SEWAGE WORKERS. >>OH, NOT BECAUSE OF YOUR JOB, IT'S JUST THAT YOU'RE NOT VERY ATTRACTIVE. >>WOW. THAT THING IS REALLY ACCURATE. >>ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT. I'M CHANGING SOME ANSWERS. [BELL NOISE] >>OH, LIBRARIAN. I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE. [BELL NOISE] >>WHAT DOES IT SAY THIS TIME, MATT? >>ASSISTANT METER MAID. APPARENTLY I DON'T QUALIFY FOR A HEAD METER MAID POSITION, BUT ACCORDING TO THIS, I'M A GOOD MATCH FOR THE JOB BECAUSE MY BODY WILL FIT EASILY INTO THE TINY METER MAID CARS. >>MAN, THIS THING REALLY KNOWS US. >>NO, IT DOESN'T KNOW ME! ALL RIGHT, I AM GOING TO BE SUCCESSFUL, RUN MY OWN BUSINESS, AND BE MY OWN BOSS. [BELL NOISE] >>MINE JUST SAYS MATT'S BOSS. OH NO, DOES THAT MEAN I'M GOING TO BE IN CHARGE OF THE SEWER PEOPLE? >>SEWAGE WORKERS, ADAM! WHICH I'M NOT GOING TO BE EITHER, I'M JUST CLARIFYING. I AM GOING TO BE A - [BELL NOISE] SKETCH COMEDIAN. IS THAT A REAL JOB? >>NO. [BELL NOISE] >>OH, MINE SAYS FOREST RANGER. [BELL NOISE] >>NEGLIGENT MAN WHO STARTS FOREST FIRES? >>OKAY, YOU'RE A MONSTER, MATT. >>STACEY! COME ON! WHO WOULD DO THAT FOR A LIVING? >>I DON'T KNOW. HOW ABOUT A CLAN OF SEWAGE PEOPLE? >>NO, I AM BARELY INTERESTED IN THE SEWERS. ALL RIGHT, HERE, I WILL JUST CHANGE MY ANSWERS UNTIL SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS. [BELL NOISE] >>HIGH SCHOOL MASCOT UNDERSTUDY. WOW. [BELL NOISE] SPOTTED OWL POACHER. [BELL NOISE] WEIRD MALE SECRETARY. WHY COULDN'T IT JUST SAY SECRETARY? >>NOW REMEMBER, MATT, THIS DOESN'T DETERMINE YOUR FUTURE. YOU CAN STILL BE WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE TO BE. >>BUT THIS THING SPECIFICALLY SAYS THAT I'M AVERAGE. [BELL NOISE] >>BELOW AVERAGE. >>NO MATTER HOW I ANSWER IT, IT KNOWS I'M NOT CAPABLE OF DOING THINGS. WHAT PLACE IS THERE IN THIS WORLD FOR A MAN WHO IS GROSSLY UNQUALIFIED? [BELL NOISE] POLITICIAN. >>THEN T-DOG GOT STRAIGHT UP OWNED BY THAT LINEBACKER. HE WAS MORE LIKE T-PUPPY. >>[LAUGHS] >>OH, MAN. THAT'S COLD. THAT'S COLD LIKE... >>OH! HE COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO SAY. HASHTAG FAIL! [LAUGHS] >>MAN! YOU WOULDN'T KNOW FAILURE IF IT HIT YOU OVER THE HEAD. >>WAIT. ARE YOU SAYING I'VE NEVER FAILED? >>YEAH. IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALL SUCCESSFUL AND STUFF. >>WHAT? >>YOU AIN'T NEVER FAILED, MAN. YOU'RE ALL LIKE, "OH I'M GOING TO "TRY THIS NEW THING. "OH, GOT IT RIGHT "THE FIRST TIME. "GUESS I WON'T LEARN ABOUT PERSEVERANCE." >>ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD FOR HOW GOOD I AM AT THINGS? >>YEAH, MAN! YOU ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT WITHOUT HAVING TO WORK FOR IT 'CAUSE YOU'RE NATURALLY GIFTED. YOUR TALENTS HAVE ENFEEBLED YOU. >>SOUNDS LIKE THEY JUST MADE ME AWESOME. >>YEAH, MAN. MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST ADMIT THAT UH, YOU KNOW, YOU DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY THAT THING ABOUT FAILURE AND LIKE MOVE ON- >>NO! I MEANT WHAT I SAID! HE'S NEVER BEEN TOUCHED BY FAILURE'S REFINING FIRE! HE'S MISSED OUT ON CHARACTER GROWTH. HOW'S HE SUPPOSED TO RELATE TO PEOPLE, MAN? LIFE IS HARD! I FAIL EVERY DANG DAY! I'M FAILING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY GRAMMAR BE ALL, INCORRECT. FAILURES MAKING MY FUTURE BRIGHT LIKE THE SUN. >>HEY, MY SUCCESS JUST BRINGS ME CONFIDENCE, BRO. HOW'S THAT A BAD THING? >>YEAH, I'LL TELL YOU WHY IT'S BAD BECAUSE ONE DAY YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL FOR THE FIRST TIME, IT'S GOING TO CRUSH YOU LIKE A SODA CAN, MAN! YOU'RE GOING TO BE LIKE- "WHAT IS THIS FEELING? "I DON'T LIKE IT! "TRYING IS HARD! I QUIT." >>MAYBE I'LL NEVER FAIL! >>OH YEAH, THERE'S A GOOD LIFE GOAL. I'M SURE THAT'LL SERVE YOU REAL WELL WHEN YOU GET TO COLLEGE. >>I JUST WON'T TAKE CLASSES I CAN'T HANDLE. >>OH, SO TO AVOID FAILURE YOU'LL AVOID PERSONAL GROWTH? >>OH! >>THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! >>THAT'S WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN THOUGH. THE FEAR OF FAILURE WILL CONSTIPATE YOUR DREAMS! THE MOST INTERESTING PART OF YOUR LIFE HAS ALREADY HAPPENED. >>I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS MAKING SENSE. >>YEAH MAN! I'M PRETTY SURE YOU LOST THIS ONE MAN! >>NO I- I FAILED! I DIDN'T WIN! YEAH! >>[CHEERING] >>I WON! NO! >>KAYDEN HAS COOTIES! >>[LAUGHS] >>NU-UH! JENNY HAS COOTIES! >>NO! YOU DO, STUPID! >>NO, YOU DO! >>NO, YOU DO! >>[LAUGHS] >>COME ON, KIDS! BE NICE! >>NO, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER MEAN WORD OUT OF EITHER OF YOU. >>WHY MUST YOU TEASE ME SO, JENNY? >>BECAUSE YOU REALLY DO HAVE COOTIES. YOU'RE AN IMPERTINENT COOTIE PANTS AND THAT'S THAT. LADIES? [LAUGHS] >>KAYDEN THOMPSON? >>WHO WANTS TO KNOW? >>SOMEONE WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU BEHIND THE WALLYBALL WALL. >>WALLYBALL WALL? WHO? >>JUST FOLLOW ME PLEASE. >>SAVE THE BABIES. >>[CLEARS THROAT] >>THANK YOU TANNER. OH TANNER? GIVE ME A CAPRISUN CARIBBEAN COOLER. AND FOR OUR GUEST, LET ME GUESS, A VERY BERRY SQUEEZE-IT? >>IT'S A LITTLE EARLY FOR ME. MY MOM SAYS I CAN'T HAVE SUGAR BEFORE LUNCHTIME. >>GET HIM ONE ALL THE SAME. NONE FOR YOU THOUGH. HE JUST QUIT. >>I RECOGNIZE YOU. >>I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT. YOU'RE JAYDEN MILLER. YOU PLAYED FREEZE TAG ON SOUTH FIELD. >>[LAUGHS] PERHAPS IN MY YOUNGER DAYS, NOW I PLAY AN ALTOGETHER DIFFERENT GAME. >>CARTOON TAG? >>THAT'S RIGHT. YOU KNOW YOUR TAGS. KAYDEN, LET'S GET DOWN TO BRASS-TACKS. I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICED YOU'VE DEVELOPED QUITE A KINSHIP WITH MISS STALEY. >>YOU MEAN JENNY? >>THE VERY SAME. WHAT ARE YOU DOING- DON'T TOUCH THAT! >>WELL, I MIGHT HAVE. WHY DO YOU CARE? >>OH, OH KAYDEN. DON'T BE COY. WE'RE BOTH MEN OF THE WORLD. WE'RE BOTH 6. >>ACTUALLY I'M 6 AND A HALF. >>AND I'M 6 AND THREE-QUARTERS, BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT. WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS THAT WE NEEDN'T PLAY THESE GAMES. >>FINE. IT'S TRUE. [LAUGHS] WE HELD HANDS FOR FIVE SECONDS THEN SHE KICKED ME IN THE SHINS AND I CHASED HER DOWN AND RUBBED BARK CHIPS IN HER FACE. >>WELL THAT'S CLEARLY QUITE SERIOUS. >>I'D LIKE TO THINK SO. >>I SHOULD TELL YOU THAT JENNY AND I ALSO HAVE A PAST. >>REALLY? >>YES. WE MADE KISSY FACE BEHIND THE CAFETERIA THEN SHE PUNCHED ME IN MY TUMMY AND I LOCKED HER IN THE BOY'S BATHROOM. >>WELL GET TO THE POINT, MAN! IT'S STORY TIME IN 20 MINUTES AND I INTEND TO BE THERE. I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO MISTER WAFFLE. >>JAYDEN. KAYDEN, I HOPE YOU TWO ARE PLAYING NICELY. >>I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS. UM, UM, MISTER PENDERGRAST. >>UH-HUH. >>UM, UM, KAYDEN SAID- HE TOLD ME THAT- HE TOLD ME THAT HIS MOM- YOU KNOW HIS MOM, HIS MOM HAS A DOG. >>THAT'S NICE. WELL YOU TWO BOYS HAVE FUN NOW. >>JENNY LEFT ME, KAYDEN. ISN'T IT OBVIOUS? SHE'S A FICKLE TEMPTRESS. AS FIRST GRADERS OFTEN ARE. >>SO WHAT DO YOU NEED ME FOR? IF YOU REALLY WANT TO WIN HER BACK ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS PUT GUM IN HER HAIR AND KICK HER BACKPACK. >>DON'T YOU THINK I'VE TRIED THAT? I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING! STOLEN HER MILK, MASHED ALL MY FOOD UP ON A PLATE AND MADE HER WATCH ME EAT IT. NOTHING WORKS. >>FREEZE! >>NO! WALL IS BASE! >>FREEZE! >>NO, YOU SAID WALL IS BASE! >>[CRIES] >>I NEED AN INSIDE MAN. SOMEONE WHO CAN PUT IN A GOOD WORD FOR ME. TELL HER THAT I WRITE MY "2'S" BACKWARDS AND I HAVE A BICYCLE. >>WELL I CAN'T DO ANYTHING UNTIL YOU UNFREEZE ME. >>IF I DO THIS FOR YOU, YOU'LL HELP ME OUT? >>YES. >>YOUR BEVERAGES, SIR. >>MAYBE I WILL HAVE THAT DRINK AFTER ALL. [SLURPING] >>HEY GET IT. YOU NEED HELP? >>I'M TRYING. I GOT IT. >>SO WHAT DO I GET OUT OF ALL OF THIS? >>I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ASK. MY MOMMY MAKES HOMEMADE P, B, AND J'S. THEY COULD BE YOURS FOR A MONTH. >>DOES SHE CUT THE CRUSTS OFF? >>NO. SHE SAYS THEY'RE THE MOST NUTRITIOUS PART. >>NO DEAL. >>HOW DARE YOU KAYDEN! DON'T BE A POOPY-PANTS! >>WHAT DID YOU CALL ME? >>A POO-PY PANTS. >>WELL, I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I? >>YOU'RE AN ANIMAL KAYDEN. YOU KNOW WHAT WE DO TO ANIMALS? >>WE PET THEM NICELY AND FEED THEM CARROTS? >>THAT'S RIGHT. BY THE WAY, MISTER WAFFLE, HE GETS A NEW HAT. >>YOU SPOILED IT! >>THE TITLE IS "MISTER WAFFLE GETS A NEW HAT." >>I THOUGHT IT WAS A RED HERRING. >>ALL RIGHT, WHAT HAPPENED? >>KAYDEN WAS PUNCHING ME AND I TRIED TO STOP HIM AND PUNCHED HIM BACK AND- THIS ISN'T OVER KAYDEN. YOU'LL RUE THE DAY YOU CROSSED ME. AND I HATE HIM AND I DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM AND HIS FACE. >>YOU HAVE A REAL PROBLEM MAN. >>I CAN QUIT! THIS DOESN'T DEFINE ME! [SCHOOL BELL RING] >>OH HEY STACEY! >>HEY WHITNEY, WHAT'S UP? >>HEY, NOT MUCH. >>HEY, HOW WAS YOUR SUMMER? >>IT WAS SO GOOD! ACTUALLY, UM, I GREW MY HAIR OUT AND I'M NOT SURE IF I LIKE IT. >>OH, I'M SURE IT LOOKS GREAT. >>OKAY WAIT, CHECK THIS OUT. THERE WE GO. >>OH WOW. IT'S A MULLET. OKAY.... >>YEAH, WHAT DO YOU THINK? >>I LIKE IT. >>REALLY? >>POOF. >>UM...HEY, WHO ARE YOU? >>I AM YOUR SHOULDER ANGEL STACEY. HERE, ALLOW M E TO JUST... OH, YOU ARE JUST THE RIGHT HEIGHT FOR THIS. NO COMPLICATIONS TODAY. STACEY, I SENSE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN TELLING LIES. >>OH, OKAY. WHITNEY JUST ASKED MY OPINION ON HER NEW HAIRCUT. >>ALL RIGHT-- WHOA. IT'S SO BAD. IT'S ALMOST BEAUTIFUL. >>UH-HUH. BUT ULTIMATELY STILL JUST VERY BAD. >>EXACTLY. OKAY, SO DO I TELL HER THE TRUTH? >>NO, I MEAN YES. I'M PRETTY SURE THAT LIES SHOULD NEVER BE TOLD. HOWEVER, IF SHE KNEW THE WHOLE TRUTH SHE MIGHT LITERALLY DIE. >>OKAY, DON'T YOU MEAN FIGURATIVELY? >>TRUST ME, I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. >>ALL RIGHT, THEN WHAT DO I DO? >>MAYBE IF YOU COULD JUST BUY HER A NICE HAT? OR A TURBAN? >>OKAY, NO. I MEAN WHAT DO I TELL HER. IS IT OKAY TO LIE TO SOMEONE IF IT'S TO PROTECT THEM? >>WELL... >>POOF. >>WHO ARE YOU? >>I'M YOUR SHOULDER ANGEL. >>HEY, THANKS A LOT, BUT I ALREADY HAVE ONE SO... >>YEAH, HELLO. SHOULDER OCUPADO. >>NO, STACEY, I'M NOT YOUR SHOULDER ANGEL. I'M HIS. >>WHAT? >>ALLOW ME TO JUST-- >>BRACE YOURSELF STACEY... >>OH.... >>ALL RIGHT. >>UM... >>NO. MADAME, I- >>YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY SHOULDER PEOPLE I CAN SUPPORT HERE... >>THERE AREN'T ANY MORE OF YOU ARE THERE? I DON'T WANT TO RUSSIAN NESTING DOLL THING GOING ON HERE. OKAY, WE'LL JUST FINISH THE PROTOCOL HERE. STACEY, A LITTLE HELP. IF YOU COULD JUST... THERE IT IS. YES, THANK YOU. >>OH GOSH. >>ALL RIGHT. NOW ME. >>WATCH THE HALO. SO THIS IS WHAT'S LIKE. OKAY HOTSHOT. WHAT EXACTLY IS THE RIGHT CALL HERE? THAT WOMAN HAS A VERITABLE ABOMINATION ON HER HEAD. AND SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT WE THINK ABOUT IT. >>OKAY. UM, HAND THIS TO STACEY. IT'S ALMOST ALWAYS THE CORRECT RESPONSE FOR THESE KINDS OF THINGS. >>UM, HEY WHITNEY. YOU ALWAYS LOOK BEAUTIFUL TO ME. >>OH. YOU'RE GOOD. >>SO, IN CONCLUSION, THE SHARK IS A MAJESTIC CREATURE, BUT AT ITS HEART OF HEARTS IT IS A KILLING MACHINE THAT WILL TEAR YOUR BODY APART IN LESS TIME THAN IT TAKES TO SAY, "I WISH I NEVER SET FOOT IN THE OCEAN." ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS? OKAY, LET'S MOVE ON TO CROCODILES. ♪♪AY, "A", AS IN APE, ACORN, APPLE- WAIT... OKAY, NAP TIME EVERYBODY. WAKE ME UP IN TWO HOURS. IS THAT YOUR MOM? SHE LOOKS A LITTLE THIN TO BE YOUR MOM. OKAY SALLY, THANK YOU. NOW DOES ANYONE HAVE ANYTHING FOR SHOW AND TELL THAT ISN'T INCREDIBLY BORING? NO? OKAY. GO TO SLEEP THEN. A- APPLE. HAVE I BEEN PRONOUNCING THAT WRONG MY WHOLE LIFE? OH NO, I FORGOT MY LUNCH. HEY JOHNNY, IS THAT A ROAST BEEF SANDWICH YOU GOT THERE? HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO GET AN "A" IN THIS CLASS? REMEMBER, MY EARS DON'T HEAR COMPLAINING. DID ANYONE WATCH THE BACHELOR LAST NIGHT? I WILL TELL YOU ABOUT IT IN DETAIL. SUZIE, I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS, OKAY? OH SHE'S BLEEDING. AND FOR STORY TIME TODAY WE'LL BE READING TWILIGHT. I COULD HAVE SWORN THAT YOU CALLED IT AN APPLE, BUT THERE'S AN "A" IN IT. BASED ON A TRUE STORY. LISTEN UP GIRLS. TERRY HAS BEEN A JOY TO HAVE IN CLASS. EASILY ONE OF THE SMARTEST GIRLS IN THE GROUP. >>TERRY'S A BOY. >>TERRY THE BOY. THE NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND ACT IS FLAWLESS. APPLE. IT- IT'S APPLE FOR SURE. HE IS AVERAGE. JUST SLIGHTLY BELOW. >>HEY! WE HOPED YOU ENJOYED OUR BACK TO SCHOOL COMPILATION. DON'T FORGET TO LIKE AND SHARE WITH EVERYONE YOU KNOW. >>THAT'S RIGHT. HAVE A GREAT SCHOOL YEAR GUYS!
