THE ROAST OF THE SIDEMEN

well we've had this coming for a while um i'm very excited this is the roast of the sidemen my name's calyx today i am here to roast the sidemen welcome let's give me a round of applause very brave of them very brave now there's a lot of rich people up on stage today lots of money but if you want living proof that money can't buy you happiness minimizer first joke i told you there's a lot more there's a lot more harry hello kicking that ball in your mum's face really didn't change how much of an ugly dog she is and speaking of dogs when i heard that jj was going to take a dog on stage at the uk press conference should have seen the look on my face when i saw it wasn't talia wait she's in the audience i knew she'd be here and that's why there's a couple more about her i told you sorry talia nad um speaking of dogs josh no i'm joking i'm freya don't worry um i have to congratulate you josh you're one of the most consistent youtubers i know consistently [ __ ] boring yeah um ethan i'm really sorry to break it to you lad but over half the people on this stage have your mom muted on twitter [Applause] and unfortunately after seeing how [ __ ] annoying mommy bez is on twitter i'm not surprised your dad left you let's bring it down a step guys um i've just been told that this video is going up on sunday so i need to um rush my breakup announcement with sarah um so yeah i'm announcing my breakup with sarah any day now um i've been feeling pretty sad as you can probably see pretty down recently um i'm guessing you've been feeling the same talia so just drop me a text thank you for laughing so far i really appreciate it um what's your mum going to say when you get slapped by a logan paul nothing because she doesn't care about [Laughter] you don't worry guys this one's a short one simon off camera you have no friends i'll let that one sit for a second toby is the only guy that i know that could pay for a prostitute and still end up in the friend zone i have to um ask permission from cal can i yeah yeah you don't want to go for it i don't have this one written down so i might [ __ ] it up as you guys know um vic has tried to suck the dick of every edm dj in the world last week i even caught him trying to dig up a vichy i'm gonna say this one anyway because in case you cut that one out um vic you're too nice and slightly boring i couldn't really think of much else to say about you um so i've been calyx hope you have all i hope you all have a wonderful day apart from you simon the delivery on some of those is very good if my mom thinks i'll pay for prostitutes now it's over for me [Laughter] just want to say a huge thank you to the sidemen for inviting me up here and having me um perform these jokes for you um i'm a huge fan of all of you guys in particularly ethan i'm a massive fan if you didn't know um but i have been wondering i'm not sure what's more loose your mom's vagina or the skin around your belly i i love you mom no but seriously um you know i love all the sidemen videos particularly the hide and seek ones i couldn't help but notice though how good ethan was suppose he got it from his dad hey there's six other people on the stage mate there's six more we'll get on to them we'll get on to them uh uh speaking of which um a lot of people don't know this but uh simon is actually very insecure um he has a lot of insecurities um but i suppose i would too if i had will any sloppy seconds yeah you're getting rested more than me talia sorry sorry tyler um i don't think he i don't think he's turned up yeah um well i mean i guess at this point i can't tell what's more fragile your ego or your relationship [Laughter] you know a lot of you guys know toby's a very private guy i mean he keeps a lot of stuff to himself but um there's actually a story you know as a child um toby used to pray to god every night for a smaller nose and as you can see god's not real a lot of people say josh is boring vanilla but uh a little birdie told me josh has been experimenting in the bedroom lately freya let him [ __ ] her for a change it was a great day it was a great day [Applause] um i heard poems go down really well on this channel so one second did you write this no i didn't did you write this i have no part uh vic this one's for you uh roses are red violets are blue here's a fun fact your girlfriend's taller than you jj aj uh you know i think it's safe to say none of us would be here if it wasn't for jj the position that we're in um nothing embodies knowledge strength and integrity quite like slapping your own mother at christmas um i lived with harry now for coming up to five years so i just like to put a round of applause [Applause] um harry's been a wonderful flatmate and i like to think i know them really well um a lot of people i see online one of the biggest criticisms that he gets is he doesn't really know where the line is with his jokes i can promise you harry knows exactly where the line is um thank you guys that's me cheers so i wasn't quite sure how many insults to write today but vic texts me i've got it here actually he said hi mate bring as many lines as you can but don't let the others oh [ __ ] that was from harry actually i'll sort you out later player all right nice to see a lot of familiar faces in the audience oh connor cameraman big con speaking of big con how much you send them hoodies for [ __ ] me mental mental what does simon's girlfriend have in common with christmas day at the olatunji household jj's probably ruined them both [Laughter] and deji probably claims he has oh sorry it's not nice to talk about people's girlfriends i am i googled how to write a roast and it came up pick something interesting about the person and deconstruct it obviously jj's got the box in nice one you've got the weight loss simon's got he's got [ __ ] all really it's [ __ ] dull i mean imagine doing a podcast with randolph and still being the second most interesting man in the room that is mental third if you count the tripod [ __ ] me in 2018 ethan tweeted as of today i've lost 30 kilos now i don't want to cause any [ __ ] but have you checked harry's bedside table naughty i didn't actually have anything for toby well i had one thing written but my mate told me it was too far he said whatever you do you can't attack someone for their race well i'm going to i mean look at him he's [ __ ] pathetic losing to jake paul in 100 meters that is mental but i thought black guys are supposed to be fast what's freya got in common with the ea servers josh only has to get one of them drunk to go down on him this is too far tough crowd tough crowd i hate how people treat different members of the sidemen i mean if harry pulls out a bag unexpectedly it's party time yeah vic does it someone call the bomb squad [ __ ] me i feel for you feel for it there's a few rumors floating around online that jj may be going on i'm a celebrity get me out of here at first i thought he's never going to survive being in a confined space surrounded by a load of blood sucking leeches but come to think of it i think he'll be all right oh yeah before i go i've actually got one of you a gift cost me 70 quid so i'll be invoicing you but oh so i actually had this made up so [Laughter] i mean i thought it was special i thought it was unique but come to think of it i'm probably not going to be the last youtuber to put jj on a canvas see you later shut up you know what you like sidemen are here that was an eight-year-old loser i'd be going [ __ ] crazy right now it's great to see a room full of people all been sucking jj off for years for all that money and calyx how did that special needs class in private school go so far jj hi how does it feel to know you've put more unwanted sperm into a vagina than you've caused views in the uk [Music] ah rape face or as simon calls it sex speaking of your face i just want to get this one out the way get one final look at it before logan destroys it he looked [ __ ] huge at that press conference of course you guys were all trained by the same personal trainer dida shook my hand before he came up never have i seen so many people who actually do training that never look like they do it which is obviously testament to vidal your trainer you look great jj just pull the fight by the way really good do we want to see logan paul versus ksi3 no ah sidemen or as most content creators call you second channel content now uh on to an innovator a leader a guy who's brought us into the 21st century with his sorry this is my stuff on pewdiepie that was ksi is here though so you commentate two of a guy's fight he doesn't [ __ ] follow you seriously simon did actually follow me just before i arrived so i think that was like for safety but you don't know what's coming bazinga you assumed i was going to make fun of your weight no everyone's been so busy talking about your body transformation they don't talk about what a wanky you've become [Laughter] before this you thought jim was the man at the chip shop bez your vagina is so baggy there's actually not an end to that i just like the image big star if you had a vagina people would still think you were boring [Laughter] how's the spectrum working out for you i'm just going to read out what vikkstar thought was a joke for this he actually texts me a couple of things that i could have done beforehand and i worked out the level at roughly where he thought i was going to pitch this it's a lot lower than the bar was going to be open today but harry can't be trusted with alcohol he actually texts me that just saying vic stars what jeffrey epstein played to the kids on the plane to get him to sleep vic how do you constantly look like you've just taken a neck brace off manny's here [ __ ] yep toby toby brown how could you have the whitest name in the sidemen toby you look like most people's first attempt at drawing ksi i was reading your wikipedia when i was doing a bit of research because i don't know the [ __ ] you are in 2005 simon and jj became friends 12 or 13. the researchers didn't know simon would help record the videos by holding the camera should have stuck to what you were good at [Laughter] circa is so [ __ ] boring sorry circa is so [ __ ] boring of course he's the only side man capable of growing a beard speaking of talia talia you had your pick of all the sidemen you picked that one suppose you can always work your way up harry good to see you doing so well as you possibly can considering [Laughter] wrote to sure i treat him like my canary down the mine if i see him wearing easiers i think those are done but i do have to thank the sidemen you guys are single handedly responsible for lowering every girl in the uk's expectation of what men are capable of especially erection isn't that right harry [Laughter] i'm jealous of people that don't know you i see what you guys are doing man you're trying to get us up here to come insult you to do some more diss tracks it's not gonna work you guys are talentless but seriously thank you very much you're all lovely guys talentless but lovely guys thank you very much ah ksi given what happened last christmas this might be the only roast you're invited to this year good night [Applause] jj once went to visit a men's prison and the guys were made up some of them hadn't seen a proper [ __ ] in years the build up to ksi versus logan has been intense jj hasn't threatened to end a life with a hook since his ex-girlfriend got pregnant that's the level see how mad that is jj said logan was in for the worst 18 minutes of his life my first thought was when's the new ep out [Laughter] at the challenger games toby came second in 100 meters race or because of his nose the 97 meters rice [Laughter] the sidemen love hide and seek maybe next time they can try and find josh's personality i'm uh i'm not saying josh is dull but i haven't seen six people carry someone so lifeless since my grandad's funeral cheers guys what he would have wanted my favorite member of the sidemen is vic or to give him his full name victim vic really has the it factor and by that i mean he's a clown who likes the taste of kids to think she's making friends guys he's going to lose his job i'm panicking now harry has been in a five-year relationship with kent sorry sorry sorry kate harry struggles with two things video ideas and staying sober so i thought he could copy this segment and rip off a tv show why not try total whiteout dancing on spice and of course come down with me harry went viral when he kicked the ball at his mum's head being from guernsey he's used to finishing on a relative's face ethan is in really good shape apparently he built up his arms by clinging on to his more successful mates for years ethan has always wanted a decent figure sorry ethan has always wanted a decent father figure ethan took his mother's surname which is ironic because all his dad left him was pain thank you very much [Laughter] yesterday isn't all right starting with um why the [ __ ] would anyone watch hide and seek there must be like a lot of kids still sucking on the mother's tits but at the end of the day anything for the protein am i right ethan um now everyone keeps saying how great ethan looks but what no one is talking about is how great he thinks he looks every time he walks past the [ __ ] mirror he's like oh jesus christ and for a kid who laughs a lot he is he's the most unfunny [ __ ] you could ever make in your life at least when he was fat but could pity laugh at him do you know what i mean um but it now it is awkward when fatties lose their weight and they're just still ugly isn't it um not a fair play at home the second he lost away he does what any self-respected man would do and just get rid of his girlfriend open season now now we can get a decent shag and shag as much as he wants but you know he was gassed up and um i know i've been there myself when you're a youtuber you start thinking you're way above your own station but even at my worst even as stupid as i've been i never thought i could shag sercia honestly did he slide into our dms he left he was in there so [ __ ] much he left skid marks in our inbox and would you come to the pub with his pathetic never had a chance without me honestly you're not wrong back down to planet earth for you paul but um you're not wrong as for vickstar imagine being the nerdiest member of the sidemen that's like being the [ __ ] fattest girl at weight watchers isn't it jesus christ but she paid eating as well so minnie minter um he hates commentary channels i'm sure you've heard uh i would hear channels that monitor the quality of content if i was you as well many videos has he made die in his head the only thing that's dying it's his [ __ ] channel we all know that to be fair to him you know he still gets views we all know that based on his looks though uh but they'll fade do you know what i mean when i seen him walk in here he walked in his hairline walked in 15 minutes later i'm not saying it's receding but it does it looks like a playstation 4 controller um i've really got a lot for harry to be honest i just i watched one of his videos it was a try not a laugh challenge with his mom watching tik tok and i was like what the [ __ ] is this [ __ ] do you know it's not even a joke it's just bad um at least when he pointed the ball of his mother's head i laughed a little bit do you know what i mean but he's in his prime and unlike ethan he's done the wrong thing in my opinion he's just stuck with one [ __ ] and that's just that's bad look at jj man he's had it all cause money came in the air for a prostitute um to be specific on that you know it did no money changed hands it was a liam from all paypal by bank transfer um shout out liam he solves all the problems as for josh what would he be doing if it wasn't for youtube so i've got financial advisor managed idiots finances while taking a cut without adding much so pretty much what he's doing now then um as for toby he's lovely i've really got a lot for him either i mean uh he's just sort of not important uh if he was a roast dinner if this was a roast dinner he would be like a brussels sprout just push to the side not even just nothing really and let's be honest if they could go back and swap him for manny they would at least he's got locks do you know what i'm saying but anyway you've all had a good laugh at me dms do you know how come nothing ever comes about your sex life lads probably because it's like your videos boring as [ __ ] simon's run out of ideas josh probably has to get con to come in and help him harry hasn't had any for nine months jj has to pay someone to do it for him toby just keeps saying it's coming soon vic sits in his room and does it by himself three times a day and ethan is still hoping for a collab with social that's never happening i've been true geordie [ __ ] the sidemen and i love yous have we made it we made it [Applause] uh thanks for watching guys [Laughter] i know your ex is

Channel: Sidemen

Views: 27,292,219

Rating: 4.9450588 out of 5

Keywords: sidemen, sidemen sunday, #sidemensunday

Id: wYfYdrd6fqI

Length: 29min 5sec (1745 seconds)

Published: Sun Oct 13 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/chloe_diss]

Will really liked Talia but Talia went with Simon instead

[u/jd92jw]

Who was the blonde sitting next to Ksi's trainer

[u/Exodus5493]

What top is tbjzl and vikk wearing? Can't find it anywhere

[u/Sub_to_heskey]

Will actually had a crush on Talia and wanted to date her but she dated Simon instead, callux made a joke about it in his insult match against Will

[u/Mr_Khaotic]

I think Willne dated talia before simon

[u/stuielooiee]

what do you think