The Most Sheltered Thing You Ever Heard

what's the most sheltered thing you ever heard from someone i was visiting relatives out of town the easiest route back home was to travel some back country roads instead of the highway as i was leaving i told my aunt that i thought i would stop at a farm stand and pick up some fresh corn my 25 year old cousin piped in corn don't be stupid corn comes from the supermarket i waited for her to laugh she didn't she was serious as i was leaving i heard my aunt explaining how supermarkets work i am going to blame your aunt for that one i have a friend from egypt whose parents are super controlling when he moved to the states without them his dad set up security cameras outside his house we were hanging out after work only until like 6 or 7 p.m and his dad called freaking out because his car wasn't in the driveway yet he is 28 years old good god i was ushering my class outside for field day and everybody is joking and having a good time when suddenly i hear you dildo i pull the culprit aside and ask them if they knew what they were saying they said they didn't know what the word meant and i believed them a lot of kids that age parrot what they hear without understanding the meaning so not wanting to ruin the kids his day i talked to them about not using words we're unsure about and had him sit out of the first two activities no biggie problem solved we're having fun with the class when the principal walks up the principal had been talking with the kid and asked me why the kid was sitting out i explained the situation but the principal still didn't understand what the problem was the principal thought dildo was referring to an armadillo yup i awkwardly explained what a dildo was to my principal he probably heard it from south park i remember calling my mom a dildo at a family thanksgiving dinner everybody laughed at me never said it again my old roommate brought over a girl he was dating one summer day i was outside mowing the lawn when they pulled into the driveway and they walked over for a quick introduction the first thing she said was what are you doing i thought it was just like a rhetorical question so i just responded with haha yeah it's pretty hot out today but then she asked again so i said you know just mowing the lawn she was really nice and everything but the look on her face was like when you explain something to a kid and they say oh okay but on the inside they're trying to wrap their head around this crazy new information you've just given them my ex and his family were confused to find out that i kept my pet cat inside and not tied to a tree in my backyard they even offered to buy me supplies to do so they couldn't understand why i would ever let anything like that live in my house i once heard a mother confront her four boys all of them between the ages of 10 17 about the fact that they wandered off from her and that they were sitting ducks without her around i felt so sorry for those boys also they were dressed in identical white turtleneck sweaters and car keys intern at my office seemed surprised to find me washing my coffee mug in the break room seemed to think it was almost absurd that i would do this instead of using a paper cup me oh you don't like washing dishes well what about at home in turn i don't wash dishes me what about at home in turn i never wash dishes me ever in turn i always have female roommates me oh in turn and before that my mom did all my dishes rich girl i dated in college her my washing machine is still broken what am i supposed to do if the apartments don't fix it before i run out of clothes me do them at a laundromat her those aren't real me what what do you mean her those are just something in old movies so i drove her to a laundromat that was a few blocks away from her house she laughed i laughed at her and quietly wondered what i was doing with her a few days later she asked me why do they even call it olive oil there aren't even any olives in it not the brightest girl ever but she actually was very fun to be around i said pretend you got no money she just laughed and said you're so funny not something they said but i had a homeschooled friend whose father completely controlled him and didn't allow him to have real-life friends he controlled who he talked to when playing online video games our fathers worked together and eventually we became friends playing games online together at one point our parents agreed we should meet up and hang out in real life first time he came over i wanted to show him my computer in my basement both of us around 12 i head down the stairs and turn back to see he didn't follow me then plumps his butt on the stairs and does that all the way down the flight of stairs over our about our two-year friendship this never changed still talk to him via steam but no idea if he is still this way oh god my mom made me do that up until i was a teenager because my cousin bumped her head on the stairs once not even falling down the stairs we also had to climb up on all fours como i'm still afraid of stairs to this day cause i was taught to be since forever a few years ago at uni uk i was sitting in the dorm kitchen minding my own business and my flatmate was doing something or other on the counters behind me when suddenly i hear a shrill squeak shout i thought she had cut herself with a knife nope she was jumping up and down in excitement holding a piece of bread toast i asks what's up slightly confused about the toast hoovering proudly in front of my face it turns out she just butted her first slice of bread herself 20 years old india kenya she used to have servants that's kind of adorable working in india got a co-worker who is clearly from some wealthy family in the states lots of issues but one that sums it up well as he believes the sandwich shop in the cafeteria hooks him up no greg there aren't lines or order here you have to pay after you get your food you are just taking the food and not paying no random indian who has never spoken to you is so enthralled with your charm as to give you free food all the time he just has no real recourse to complain as he has paid probably around five us dollars a day and doesn't feel comfortable complaining about a white employee who makes more than 80 percent of the people in the 14 fl building start paying the freaking 35 rupees for breakfast you crap it is like 50 cents my mother was raised in a massively sheltered baptist household in north carolina she's the sweetest human being in the world but she just doesn't know like anything about basic history or pop culture we were playing a game of pictionary and i had to go head to head with her in drawings use i proceed to draw a bearded man in a toga with lighting coming out of his hands she draws some sort of weird central looking abomination and obviously lost the round afterwards we were all laughing at her drawing and she's like who is zeus i'm like mom he is like the most well-known greek god he's in a disney movie then she says oh i never got into that atheist stuff oh i'm sorry i don't speak hip hop my ex went to bible college her roommate was part of a i'm not doing it group that performed vague skits about abstinence she was kicked out because the baby bump she had became pretty obvious her boyfriend insisted they never did it they eventually found out that she let her previous boyfriend do things that she didn't understand those two had a shotgun wedding days before the baby was born her mother had told her babies come from semen and being from nebraska she was far from any sailors i wish that last sentence was a joke had a south african roommate for two weeks first thing she said to my roommate who was wearing innocuous and rather plain clothing oh that looks like something my maid would wear cue too miserable weeks of my roommate and i teaching this girl how to do the most basic tasks like making her bed folding laundry and sweeping a floor everything we taught her was hesitantly punctuated by infuriating comments like back home i don't have to do this back home my maid does this how did you ever grow up without help why doesn't the school just hire a cleaning service to do our laundry for us i got passive aggressive reality fast thank god my roommate had the patience to deal with this girl until she flew back home the real world was just too harsh for her her words not mine i roll my ex's mother love to scold her about pre-marital sex regularly one thing that stood out was when she told me that women's vaginas mold to the penis are the first guy they have sex with and that's why premarital sex is frowned upon because if they sleep with someone other than their future husband before marriage the penis won't fit properly this comment wins for being the most sheltered crazy thing i've read here i have a teenage online friend from pakistan one day i tell him i was just washing dishes and he says why why don't you have your servant do it apparently even middle-class people in pakistan often have multiple servants usually the kind of people who are illiterate and unable to do any other kind of work also he says and he was absolutely baffled that not everyone who was anything above dirt poor had servants to do their dishes same in india most middle class family hires are made for daily chores i have a friend from a super wealthy background who doesn't really understand things like frugality because he's never had to be frugal himself and he seems genuinely surprised by people who live less extravagantly than he does it's all this is the lifestyle i like which is basically expensive whining and dining all the time like he's entitled to live a life of leisure without working hard in order to afford that lifestyle he's one of those people who just pisses away money and expects people to give him money when he hasn't got any himself he's had jobs here and there and he actually has a bachelor's degree too but he's never not had his parents paying his rent for him and giving him an allowance and seems to have zero desire for any kind of career he's 27. so some huge number of wealthy families 75 or something lose their money within three generations this will be one of them my old roommate and i about a year ago were joking around about how female roommates use more toilet paper and he started to get genuinely annoyed he started saying stuff like what the freak why do they use so much more i don't get it at all it's just rude had to explain to this 28 years old that women generally wipe when they pee mind we also use like 12x more toilet paper during our periods my downstairs neighbors are a 60ish year old woman and her 30 something year old daughter who has always lived with her the elder lady is extremely religious as in honor carries mom from cary level the daughter has never lived away from her has never had a job has never been on a date has never used the internet etc one day when her mom was napping the daughter came outside when i was working in the complex's shared garden she asked me if she could ask me a potentially embarrassing question i said um sure she asked me what men look like with their clothes off i sort of sputtered for a moment and asked if she really wanted to know note look at my username before you assume i'm a man who took her to my place and showed her my junk she said yes i pulled out my phone and googled a picture of a hot muscular naked guy and showed it to her her eyes just got really big she said thank you and she went back inside thanks you angelina bobner another girl in this world that would be surely disappointed in my naked body there was a guy at my college who had scars all over his face head and neck from being burned in a fire i overheard a young woman walk up to him and say you must have really sinned a lot for god to hurt you like that your parents must have also sinned quite a bit to have such a douchey buggy [ __ ] daughter he was adopted at birth from guatemala into an upper middle class family he didn't realize he was not from the us and thought canada was a separate continent that was a fun day when we found out how little eric knew about the world luckily he was just 15 and actually willing to learn after being laughed at a bit my mum is remarkably naive about certain things perhaps partly a product of her pastor's daughter upbringing there was a thing on the news about people wanting to marry their animals my brother pointed out that it seemed an odd paradox that someone would be so unconventional they were into bestiality but traditional enough to value marriage he joked you can just imagine the conversation sorry donkey no sex before marriage we'll just have to stick to heavy petting my mum and i laughed and then my mum making it very clear she had no idea what heavy petting was said i suppose donkeys are quite heavy pets that was a solid pun guy i know was talking about how new york city was the worst place he'd ever been to he'd been to the laguardia airport his connecting flight to aruba was delayed overnight this was the one time he's been to new york city from someone who grew up about an hour away from london are there more than two train stations in london same person said you could wear me as a hat and didn't understand why everyone found it funny she also hadn't even seen a photograph of a penis until she was 20 and didn't know if the balls were above or below the penis her parents wouldn't let her see her friends unless a christian went with her because her dad didn't trust people who aren't christians in england this basically means he can trust about five people under the age of 30. i guess it's not really extreme but i work with a 22 and a 21 year old whose parents still check movie ratings and violence involved in the movies to make sure it's okay for them to go see they tag along for most of the movies i think that's pretty extreme considering by that age you no longer have to have a parent or guardian with you to purchase a ticket pakistani friend online asked me to explain what sex is he meant what the difference was between males and females he was horrified that i had suggested pitting a part of his body especially one so private and reserved for allah still not sure what he meant by that into another person i eventually learned that he was not aware females had periods either after explaining that one to him he vowed i shall always be nice to women especially when they are being be now that i know it comes from the hurt inside and decided the cost of chocolate was not so unreasonable considering what it is good for soothing females on their periods i'm calling my period the hurt inside from now on stories from this girl are more or less how i have all my karma here are a few pearls of nonsense that have flopped out of her face it's not sex if he uses a condom i had anorexia when i had flu i didn't eat for like two days i'm allergic to sugar she lives off bread and drinks neat vodka regularly because it's not overly sweet so it doesn't have sugar in she would also insist on eating some cake or fruit i was eating and then make gagging noises and say how awful it was i think you're confusing sheltered with mentally ill my best friend said that she wished she didn't get so much stuff for christmas and that she's tired of getting david yaman rings not too bad though also my other best friend just turned 20 but she told everyone she was 19 because she was scared to be an adult both girls still live with their parents love them though i mean i can see not wanting as much stuff for christmas if it is just very expensive stuff you don't care about and rather see the money spent on something with a purpose my sister's housemate is from cambridge when i went to stay with them i got to see her try and make breakfast she couldn't work a toaster she didn't understand pre-sliced bread she couldn't crack an egg she woke me up to crack eggs for her which even didn't know how to scramble she asked where the olive oil was because she wanted olive oil for her toast also re olive oil which is around three pounds for 100 milliliters we only had asda zone and when i told her to use that she laid down on the floor and sobbed that she just couldn't take it anymore you know for a scottish person your english is very good i replied thank you it took time a lot of but i think it off paid i was a very poor kid with a scholarship to one of the richest if not the richest high schools in the city i have quite a few gems the first is this one boy whose dad owns about 15 ferraris was talking to me about life after school he was 17 stroke 18 at the time and i said i wanted a studio apartment he thought it was a whole floor to yourself when i explained it was just one room he was confused for a long while thought i was making things up and when he eventually accepted it said why would you want to live in something like that it's pretty much a jail cell isn't it i can't believe poor people live like that do poor people really live like that i went on to explain to him that actually poor people are a lot worse off you still need quite a bit of money and a solid savings and income for a studio act for some reason he thought the smart thing to spew out of his mouth was you know i heard when poor people feel sad about being poor they watch documentaries on africa and stuff like that maybe you should try that sometime he was genuinely 100 serious and thought it was good advice all i could say was thanks jxx i'll try that next time there was also the time i was stuck in a global politics class where no one knew what welfare the dole was the teacher explained and everyone was outraged because why should lazy poor people get their money that they worked hard for how dare they not work for it like rich people had to my family was on welfare at the time both my parents were made redundant around the same time just because budget cuts i was 15 and the only one in a house of six people with a job welfare helped a seat it took all my strength not to break down in tears during that class indirectly hearing that i'm scum and don't deserve to eat pretty much they'll do anything to show off how they donated 20 to a charity in africa and rave on and on about third world countries but when it comes to fixing our own they don't say a word or they criticize the less fortunate because their money is more important than the people my sister's boyfriend's mother wasn't aware he was having sex until she found his condoms in his waste basket at 24 years old she also refused to believe that my sister and him slept in the same bed at night mothers like this are the funniest regarding a rapper that got murdered by former gang associates why didn't he just move to a gated community after he got rich i used to live in this one gated community and there was no application process or anything we even had a black guy living there he moved out after he got tired of people calling the cops on him lol late but a roommate in college asked if she could get pregnant because and touched her so over the boxes and then shouted later and touched her own vagina to wash poor girl never had sex ed i had a passover seder at my house with a number of friends some of whom were jewish some of whom were not when we got to the part of the service where the firstborn son of every egyptian dies which is the entire crux of the passover service the narrative climax on which the entire story relies my friend asked if instead of dying the firstborn could just catch a really bad cold as it was too upsetting for her it took 17 years and a restaurant job to teach my friends there are more types of cheese than just yellow cheese that came in pre-packaged slices american kid raised in ghetto ohio during a game of cards against humanity our intern asked what a clitoris is she was 22 we convinced her it was a species of dinosaur please please tell me you are joking about convincing her it was a dinosaur an online friend claimed that video gamers endure worse things than black people his argument was that people who commit hate crimes go to jail while people who mock gamers don't lol this is great i'm imagining his thought process is that a gamer could be harassed tormented and then killed in a hate crime against gamers and the perpetrator would get off scot-free guy one ugh my parents are so controlling guy 2 hey man you should just move out you're 20 guy one i don't know if my parents would let me that's actually a huge problem with controlling parents you feel like they have that power over you and it's hard to escape even if you can legally move out they might harass you for it or find some way to make it harder religious ex girlfriend you orgasm when you masturbate in all fairness some women don't because they haven't got their technique down college roommate was using fabric softener only to wash his clothes for months before i caught on to what he was doing and showed him what detergent was he was just making his dirty clothes smell better but not actually cleaning them to be fair plain water will clean a lot of things like plain dirt pretty well my roommate in university had parents that did everything for him so he came with no ability to cook we had to teach him how to make craft dinner he would just open the box and dump the noodles and cheese in the water and not understand why it wasn't working he showed no interest in cooking but we got him to the point where he could make almost any packaged oven meal guy lived off chicken fingers some college freshmen on the bus if there's no food in africa then why don't the people who live there move somewhere else but i thought republicans were the bad guys after being told that abraham lincoln was a republican in a history class this was a junior in high school i worked with a girl for a few days because she transferred stores to help out since we had a shortage of workers she was 23 24 and still lived with her parents i struck a conversation with her about new movies at that time harry potter and the deathly hallows part 2 being one of them she said she had to sneak out to go watch it with friends and that it was exhilarating definitely a white moment that song don't trust me by 303 was on the radio while i was driving a friend which includes the line do the helen keller and talk with your hips if she took offense stating that if they wanted to write a song about helen keller they could at least know she signed and spoke with her hands she is a lot of fun to play with cards with humanity with she doesn't get 75 of the cards all references to sex go straight over her head she grew up very very sheltered and very catholic in her defense that's a rubbish euphemism for sex if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 71,835

Rating: 4.912828 out of 5

Keywords: most sheltered thing you've heard, sheltered person, sheltered people, introverts, scared, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2021, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: 1gRBjgjnkJQ

Length: 24min 18sec (1458 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 31 2021