How Have You Dodged a Bullet?

how have you dodged a bullet in your life when i was five i was at a five-year-old kid's house that my parents didn't know too well he took his dad's pistol off the top of the refrigerator to show me it made me very uncomfortable i didn't like being a tattletail but i did tell my mom when i got home because i just didn't feel right about it at first she didn't believe it was a real gun then she decided to call the parents there was no answer and no answering machines back then i find out the next day that he accidentally shot and killed another friend whom he was showing just house after me mum got no answer by phone because it was a big emergency scene ambulance police etc in iraq we had a new driver and he slowed down a lot for a puddle for some reason and there was an ied in it ended up going off under the engine block instead of the cab saved all of us i imagine all the passengers in the truck yelling and calling him a p right before the explosion i almost walked in front of a bus once i wasn't paying attention and was about to step out right in front of a speeding bus and a complete stranger pulled me back by my collar and saved my life i dodged a bus which is kind of like a slower larger bullet bro there's been a lot of those actually i was born two months early as my mom had to start chemotherapy right after i'm born i get incredibly high fever the medical staff can't figure out why they are completely stumped after a two days of trying to solve the puzzle they notice that one of the nurses had turned the incubator up too high they were cooking me basting you with butter was a dead giveaway though when breaking up with an ex she grabbed super glue from my craft table and tried to squirt it in my eyes while yelling oh yeah how you freaking like this fortunately the glue had dried in the tip i'm sure she will be a good mother i imagine your ex is an angry kindergartener i was motoring down interstate 80 in wyoming at about 1am and had to pee while waiting for a wreck up the road to clear a semi was in front of me and i was the last car in line i pull over onto the shoulder grab my pee bottle and start to go then scree when another semi-slammed straight into the back of semi i was behind easily crunched 20 feet of a 53 feet trailer i'm going to assume that if i didn't pull over i would have been de-aided in that accident thankfully i was still in the pee bottle and the rest got scared out of me later on in that trip as it was late and i didn't want to moosh a deer i got behind a semi they hit a deer literally vaporized it and my car was covered in deer goo it was fun cleaning that off of the truck stop right down the road from a prison i was driving my brother to his first ever packer game in a rental car i was going about 80 and got pegged by an oshkosh trooper about 40 miles from green bay i was very polite and apologetic explaining that we were very excited because it was my brother's first ever packer game and it was his 15th birthday he took my license and ran it turns out my license was suspended due to a ticket from four years earlier paid the ticket but not the ill reinstatement fee and i had no idea the cop said to me outside the car i don't want to ruin your brother's birthday so i'm gonna go back to my car and if you drive off well there's nothing i can do i guess i still got 400 in tickets but did not end up with a messy towing situation i shook his hand and thanked him we made it to the game in plenty of time and i drove the speed limit the entire rest of the trip the packers beat the titans 55 7 that day and it was something my brother will never forget tl dr being polite during traffic stops goes a low long way i don't think any wisconsin cop would stop someone from seeing their first packer game i dodged a little bullet in university two guys got in a fight outside my window gun went off bullet zipped through our living room about an inch away from my head my landlord installed plexiglas windows after that when life shoots a gun at you shoot back 19 wyoming working road construction with a traveling crew bunk down reading a book for the evening during a thunderstorm in the back of my pickup had a topper and mattress for the truck bed out of the corner of my eye i think i see something move several times this happens so i get out and get into the cab sure enough the wind picks up and this giant drop feed grain bin that i was parked next to starts to move slide on its concrete pad start the engine throw it in reverse and i'm gunning out of the spot as the bin starts to tip while thousands of pounds of grain storage was quickly filling the windshield the vehicle bogged down and i got stuck in a mud hole as the grain bin crashed down three inches from my front bumper laying exactly where i had been parked seven seconds earlier grew up close to a set of railroad tracks there were three tracks that ran parallel to each other when i was 15 me and a couple of friends used to walk the tracks to get back and forth to each other's houses one day we were all walking down the tracks and there was a train approaching us on the track directly to our left we were on the outside track the train approaching was on the middle track as the engine is approaching us one of the operators was literally hanging out the window screaming at the top of his lungs and pointing behind us we could not hear what he was yelling because when you ride next to a freight train going 70 miles per hour that's all you can hear well we look behind us and there is another train on our track barreling at us at full speed it was probably 30 40 yards from us at that point me being the furthest from the right and having both my friends in the way i never would have made if i had tried to jump in the same direction at this point i have a train coming directly at me at 70 miles per hour a train going in the opposite direction on the track directly to my left at 70 miles per hour and my two friends who are directly to my right leaping for their lives to the right off the track and i have about one second to get out of the way leaping to the right is no sure thing so i sort of did a half jump to the left and lie down in the small space between the two trains i would say i was about six inches from either train i have never been so scared or shaken in my entire life this started to sound suspiciously like a word problem around the third paragraph standing on top of a generator while filling it in a rock head was above the fence line bullets struck the wall behind me then i heard the crack of the rifle i didn't stand that high after that so i guess i dodge a bullet by dodging a bullet my father had hiv and have it to my mom sometime before around the time i was born both of my parents have since passed from that and drug-related causes i'm a minority disease-free did my time in the military and should be graduating from college in the next year i like to think i beat some pretty bad odds and you're dead got into a drunken brawl with my dad during a halloween party i was under age 19 at the time on probation and the cops were on their way because of said fight i end up coming to the conclusion that i have absolutely no way to get myself out of this i can't balls out of my dad's eyelid being split i still feel terrible about this so i give the police the play-by-play i didn't lie or omit anything from the story and i figure i'm going to jail well at this time cop number two comes out and tells his partner it's time for them to leave what your dad said that in his drunken state he slipped and smacked his face on the counter in the kitchen isn't that what happened he shot me a look like i do not want to deal with you tonight so i just replied with a head nod and hid in my room for the next week comma tl dr got drunk got into a fight with dad and he covered for me with the cops on the day i soloed at the end of my ultralight course i did my last flight with my instructor in the two-place trainer it was a half-hour flight to go over everything i had learned having accomplished that we landed and i strapped into the single seat and did my solo flight the other student in the course went up with the same instructor to finish his last instruction in the two place twenty minutes later the aircraft broke up in flight and crashed into the lake from 2000 agl they both were killed got robbed at gunpoint once while working for a truck stop video poker place about a month later the same guys robbed it again on a night i called in sick and killed the security guard why would you kill the security guard as a friend and i were driving back from arapahoe basin in colorado my friend and i caught a patch of ice and the car slid off loveland pass we managed to jump out while it was still sliding 15-20 miles per hour before the car rolled 500 plus feet down a rocky cliff was in the middle of commenting in this thread about avoiding sexual relations with a certified psycho when my spidey sense started tingling i quickly switched tabs to a work related page and put on a super professional i am a hard worker and definitely not messing around on company time face on as our new manager my boss boss stopped by for a meet and greet nailed the handshake tl dr dodge a bullet while writing about dodging a bullet that type of spidey sense is very valuable when surfing read it at work that and learning what your boss's footsteps sound like i once walked into the trees to take a pee during the night while camping looking back at the campfire i decided to go a little further into the trees as i had a shy bladder at the time luckily after a few steps my laziness overcame my shyness and i decided to just do it after i finished i turned around went back to my tent and slept the sleep of the truly exhausted the next morning i got up and went once more to the trees to relieve myself what i saw very nearly made me pee in my pants right on the spot the edge of a cliff roughly 400 feet high was about three or four steps beyond where i had decided randomly to stop to pee the night before because we had been traveling on foot for about two hours after dark the previous night i'd had no idea we were camped beside a tree-covered cliff line and the responsible adult in charge was too stupid to think it important information always shuffle your feet while in the dark never step i have told this story before so i'll just paraphrase i just turned 17 about two months prior to this i was out with my older sister 27 and her friend 32 drinking i drank too much and passed out on the couch my sister's friend decided that she was gonna have sex with me because she wants a kid and her husband is infertile i wake up as i'm coming inside her two weeks later i find out she's pregnant two weeks after that i find out she had a miscarriage thank god raped by a woman and she miscarried dated a girl with k in credit card debt who would endlessly buy things with any wiggle room she had when she paid the minimum balance on her credit cards when confronted about her spending habits she'd get insanely defensive got the frick out of well i got shot at whilst hunting on public land the bullet zipped overhead and my dad turned and fired in response into the ground to let them know we were not dear it was after legal shooting time last day of the season and proceeded to cuss the crap out of whoever it was as we ran down the fire break back to the truck every girl i have ever slept with got pregnant from someone else no more than three months after we did the deed in the cases where we were in a relationship it happened right after we broke up i'm like the good luck chuck of unexpected pregnancies glad i didn't get stuck with any of those but on a more positive note is anyone here having trouble conceiving you sound exactly like my cousin except they get pregnant and married within a year not sure if it counts as dodging a bullet so much as glancing one it was after watching a move at the local theater with some friends we all agreed to go to a nice italian restaurant a short walk from it that also happened to be across the street friends went ahead of me as i had to go to the restroom first and so as i made my way across the street at the crosswalk with a stop sign to meet them something caught my eye it was a woman going far too fast on a tiny two-lane road passing a busy shopping center blatantly speeding above acceptable levels and talking on her phone and i was right in her path knowing i couldn't get out of the way fast enough my instincts and reflexes told me to jump and curl into a ball as best i could which i did and i landed on the hood of her car cannonball style and shoulder first and proceeded to roll over the roof broke the antennae that was on the back as i rolled off and hit the pavement on my back as i uncurled i was bruised as heck as i stood up or was about to be bruised anyway once my body got to work but it was better than getting hit head on by a car going about 25 miles per hour or so hope that was a wake-up call for her glad you were okay was engaging from the escape hatcher of my truck got down to reload just as an rpg struck the rpg cage about two feet to my right they missed this is dodger bullet time not dodge an rpg time i believe you so have had your nuts in your throat enough thank you for your service when i was 16 years old some jock douche bag randomly took a 22 calorie revolver and pointed it at the side of my head like it was a joke and then pulled the trigger and it clicked then he pointed it at the wall and put a bullet through the wall i was thinking of switching jobs and had an interview with a team in another company i ended up not getting the job i was bummed out about it one month later the whole team was laid off i'm an indian working in usa on work visa if i had got that job and got laid off then i had to get another job in two weeks or leave the country because of my visa restrictions i love this country and its people way too much to leave i was supposed to be on the carnival cruise that lost power at sea we missed the departure because our flight was delayed i think i dodged a huge bullet recently someone broke into my apartment while i was gone based on the items taken i know it was my ex tried to sneak in through my window and ended up kicking my door in pretty terrifying to think what could have happened if i was there took the spare key too ahem change the locks i have a scar on the back of my neck from a ricochet that bounced off a wall then a truck that hit me it lost all its velocity because it bounced twice but i did get a nasty burn because it was still hot i'd post pics but i'm at work ha i got ricocheted in the wrist of featuring benning didn't feel it but sure smelled the burning skin in our screaming matches during our breakup after our nine-year relationship he admitted coming inside me on occasion to try and get me pregnant when he said he pulled out he said since i didn't get pregnant something must be wrong with me not being able to conceive and i should get that checked out ps i know that method is not foolproof but it's the intentional deception i used to stick it in crazy and we broke up before she turned out to be crazier she wanted to marry me and i didn't want to go that fast i heard she tried to kill her husband years later and was on drugs i dated this once i had my doubts when her dad met me holding a large shotgun he thought it was funny she got married about five days after high school graduation gained around 150 pounds in a year and now lives in a single wide trailer on welfare went over a cliff while snowboarding dropped about three meters had i gone over the cliff five meters to the right i would have had a 12 15 beta drop way bigger chance for injury that's when i learned to look before leaping back in grade 10 my science class had built and were launching small rockets with gunpowder engines one guy's rocket was way too light to fire and he had to fill the nose cone with pieces of metal to increase the mass so it would actually land nearby it decided that it would land right where i was sitting to watch thankfully i looked up to see the incoming rocket and jumped out of the way it left a pretty decent dent on the bleachers where i was sighting oh geez all i could think was gunpowder and pieces of metal and 10th grade construction abilities equals accidental frag grenade throw away i was a teenager and asleep when a man broke into my bedroom and tried to rape and murder me i was startled awake there was a man beside my bed doing something the noises he was making were unnatural enough though not loud just out of place it awoke me as soon as he noticed i was awake he jumped on me and told me to shut up and started strangling me hard all my confusion melted away in that moment and i realized i was going to die unless i got him off of me he started shoving fingers into my vagina and because he was only strangling me with one hand instead of two when i started squirming violently he lost his grip i managed to fight him off and my screaming surprised him and he fled my parents called the police who came and took my panties and took pictures of the handprints left on my throat hours later i went into my room to retrieve something and found to my dismay the extension cord to my stereo had been cut i started running over in my mind what could have happened that severed the end of the plug from the rest of the cord i picked it up trying to figure out the mystery when the other end cleared into my view and i saw it had been neatly formed into a nose the noises that he had made that had woken me up were the soft sounds of him cutting my extension cord and forming a noose with it was more than big enough to fit my head through to this day i cannot sleep soundly at night and take sleeping medication just to stay asleep at night i obsessively check all the locks before bed any tiny sound will wake me up even though i take ambulance it was only because i woke up when i did that i am alive today if he hadn't stopped to make the news he probably would have succeeded in raping and killing me this happened about 20 years ago every day i have is a gift but i live with a lot of fear in my life my husband and i literally dodge a bullet our kids were out of town with my parents so hubby and i could spend some time together we ended up crashing on the futon in the living room early the next morning we are awakened by a loud bang my husband swears it was a gunshot but i convinced him it was probably the neighbor banging a cabinet we end up going back to sleep a couple of hours later we get a knock on the door it was a cop he came over to see if we were all right come to find out the neighbor's two-year-old daughter had gotten a hold of the father's gun shooting one into the wall adjacent to our apartment the cop searched and searched for the exit point but couldn't find it it must have hit a stud measuring it from the neighbor's apartment it would have passed two inches above us and right at the height of my daughter's bed bricks were shot the father was merely sighted we moved very soon after tl dr shorted by a two-year-old saved by a stud my dad threatened to kill me mom bro and sis he drunkenly tried to break in the house after being thrown out one night he couldn't get in or gave up on trying he hung himself in the garage instead so you know there's that thread is probably too old but here goes in high school this cute girl on the same bus route as me flirted with me constantly she would sit on my lap and grind on me and whatnot she would always want me to get off the bus at her house and hang out i just never did my parents probably would have killed me not two months later she accused some poor kid of raping her at her house and it ruined him for the rest of his high school career i knew for a fact from her friends that they fooled around but nothing ever happened she just wanted the attention really sidestepped that business got into a confrontation with a friend that was a little unhinged escalated to the point that he pulled his gun on me and stuck it to my head long story instead of pee myself which i was doing mentally i challenged him to pull the trigger since i was certain he would never have the guts to do so he backed down and i never saw him again two years later he ends up in jail for killing someone due to a road rage incident he went a step further and ended up killing the the father of the guy who testified male bomb sent to family house so yay he was capable of pulling the trigger and i lucked out i decided not to write a college paper until the last moment i wrote it and it was crap but luckily there was a giant snow storm and i got a week off of school so i polished that turd the night before i had to go back to school the following week i was 17 stroke 18 years old and still living at home with my parents in our tiny little town with no real direction in life at the time i was seeing this girl who was basically a poison she brought out the worst in me she was a pathological liar a complete manipulator we fought a lot of the time etc officially we were only a couple for maybe a month or two but in reality our relationship lasted a year as i kept going back to her for the sex which admittedly was amazing shortly after we first got together she told me she was incapable of having kids and therefore she wasn't on birth control and we didn't need to use condoms stupid young and frisky i believed her despite all of the evidence i had at the time that i shouldn't trust a single word this girl ever said i eventually realized that i needed to get this girl out of my life for good and broke it off completely swearing that i would never make another booty call to her again i got my crap together finished one of those it programs at the local community college moved to the big city and got a great job that i'm still at 10 years later and got married to a girl i knew in high school who also moved to the big city but that's a whole other story a couple of years after leaving my hometown the crazy ex added me on facebook and what do you know she had a kid my whole life would have been drastically different had i gotten her pregnant and to this day i have no idea how i didn't and before you ask i'm pretty sure the kid's not mine since he is half black tldr dodge a baby from my crazy ex-gf who assured me she couldn't ever have kids if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video so bye for now

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 87,956

Rating: 4.9223151 out of 5

Keywords: dodged a bullet, dodged a bullet reddit, dodge a bullet, danger averted, dangerous, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh, reddit stories 2021

Id: FN6-YjRC5Q8

Length: 23min 58sec (1438 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 02 2021