THE MOST 🤣🤣🤣 OF r/FUNNY

nothing to see here just an adult doing adult things all right I'll be the judge of that ah yes how old is this photo by the way I feel like I'm looking into the 80s right now cursed age restrictions mhm we'll see about that customer notice please be prepared to show proof of age we do not sell eggs or flour to anyone under the age of 18 cracking down on antisocial behavior is this for egging houses or something does anyone still do that why would this need to happen also yes these are very funny M it's a three armed man this is hilarious folks it is actually just kind of silly though self checkout please Place item in bagging area unexpected item in bagging area rinse repeat and stay there till you die why are you wearing the hairnet you're bald my favorite action comedy starring my favorite Action Comics we're going to have so much fun at the beach party tonight except Miranda she's a cheap knockoff she'll be cast into the volcano to appease the island yay Mark Zuckerberg unveils latest accessory for the metaverse an immersion bed oh okay I see Mark Zuckerberg is finally going to bring us into the matrix it's about time human bait needed volunteer position for Bigfoot research project this fall in Texas Safety Not Guaranteed must have strong work ethic and some camping skills reward Fame well what good is the fame if I'm dead oh that's right it isn't today is my last day of work at this job so I brought in a cake for everyone sorry for your loss rest in peace everyone must have been a decent job that's an expensive looking cake the height of pettiness seen in a UK car park today uninsured driver Sarah blank did this huh well Sarah seems like a bit be careful you've only got one thanks for reminding me I was supposed to meet my internet friend here but they never showed ah I get it catfish yeah that's pretty crazy I attempted to take a picture with all three of my cats oh well see this one's funny I love the look of Despair on that one over there on the left well see this was your first mistake trying to take a picture with one cat is still too much a Russian movie stole our Christmas card huh that's odd I would feel honestly a little flattered from desktop to truck stop the true story of clippy how once powerful Tech icon Fell From Grace A lot of these are feeling very 65-year-old Facebook pages I take it you like to fish oh yeah big time Fisher what do you fish for compliments mainly don't we all friend don't we my dog after brain surgery what in the world I'm going to be honest I didn't know we were at the level where we were giving dogs brain surgery I really didn't I don't know why I just didn't I almost failed my marketing class at my private Roman Catholic University for this create an ad assignment I'm Jewish by the way for all social Gatherings drink it like it's your last lroy but this is awesome though teaching my kids how to play chess I asked which one was the bishop this one the Elmo oh the Elmo that has his eyes pulled out H that's awesome and you know what finally someone pointed it out oh no I'm being hacked haha after 10 years of programming I finally perfected a program to steal your wait what ah yes that is the Pinnacle of joke you know it cold when you can see birds fart yeah yeah it's true I asked to go to hell because my best friend is here do you even know why he's here it doesn't matter he's my best friend his best friend's wife damn that's got to feel good no baby on board feel free to drive right into me no don't feel free to do that stop a the poor grumpy cat looks like it's having a great day to win this war against the owls we're going to learn from the humans that's smart they know so much about war where do we start with cloud alitz sunu we're starting with Hank Hank yeah he stole a tank from the humans yesterday Jesus Hank Tom hanks's daughter is just Tom Hanks with red hair wow it's true honey I'm home when facing danger the chameleon is quick at changing colors how do they how uh uh how how do how how does um how do how do they uh seene from my basement tonight thought this didn't happen in real life couldn't resist interrupting the hunt to pull out my camera oh um well I'll be honest with you I didn't know mice were real either man I mean for God's sake I feel like you're referring more to the girl jumping up on the chair I mean I do that child why have you summoned me I need a friend look little girl I don't think that I am a friend to help hide the bodies okay I'm in yeah cool dude sure you know inflation is out of control when chicken wings are market price what market price right off we're going down the road to a different restaurant who do Europeans joke about the most uh let's see here M yep all of that's really checking out lab rat M quite literally actually the Hat makes him look more like a chef infinite Loop page 252 oh I see I understand now you had me at coffee or in other words you had meat coffee I don't know what meat coffee is but keep it the away from me fap misery oh that godamn show the military made a robot that can eat organisms for fuel we completely understand the Public's concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population but that is not our mission well it doesn't matter if it's your mission or not it's going to happen now suddenly an oven ha very funny while redoing my floors I decided to play a prank on the next owners who do Renovations get out see now this type of stuff is cute I would do the same thing if I'm being honest with you the photo you ask your friend to send you the day after a night out because you thought you looked hard as oh man that guy a dog will lick his butt but won't eat a pickle Road oh that's a bit of aing mouthful thre Minute Car Wash oh good the pigeons are just waiting to make it a Mot Point aren't they what a confusing time to be a pirate oh damn that's a lot of Goddamn treasure dude my brother uh uh in the pool yo damn y bro goddamn duck feet though what is that thing great-grandfather is holding I don't know but all of the elders carry them at all times in hopes the power comes back on ah phone bad phone ruin human my package arrived empty Amazon offered me a new item if I sent the other back in less than 30 days that might be a problem yeah you just got a call dude sit it's all you got to do solve the puzzle $1 bet you can't solve this impossible puzzle 99% of adults fail line starts here ha yeah this is deep at 12 my teacher told my mom I wouldn't go anywhere in life today I'm posting a picture of a random engineer on Reddit my teacher was right oh man that feels good doesn't it guys I just have to say this is the least funny part of the internet uh what's going on I'm tired I can't find my glasses and I just want to veg out with the cat I mean what's going on with that recck sh don't ruin this for me right what do you mean ruin this for you and I'm required to ask this do you feel safe at home sir sir I'm a truck driver and I like to leave three seashells on the toilet stalls at truck stops why what is funny about some dude leaving seashells in a truck stop bathroom stall in Die Hard Bruce Willis is wearing shoes designed to look like his own bare feet and can be seen in certain shots of the film that is true they also did this in Lord of the Rings sometimes you got to get it done and by get it done I mean wear the feet boots I think I just discovered Sprite logo inspiration oh yeah yeah The Moldy L yeah we've seen it staff required must be lazy and miserable to fit in with existing staff apply in person with your CV also have a a wash before you come in that's all I'm good my wife sat on a towel I think the towel was a little mad about it oh nice a symbol of wealth among the pigeon Community what oh he got that bread remember class history is written by the winners guess who just crushed 8,000 words on the Ottoman Empire killing it bro yeah well that was an incredibly funny haha laugh out loud experience look some of it can be cute and funny but for the most part it's it's not I'm sorry that's just my opinion on the matter this is my little brother Loki and this is my big sister Hilla yes we have the fun a I'm going to remove that other eye of [Music] his I don't think Loki is the adopted one yeah I know right do we tell him you go right ahead and upset the God of Thunder my middle-aged baby look there are middle-aged men who actually genuinely are babies so this is now the 50/50 subreddit will it be funny or will it be no more internet today answer is funny and insulting this man skipped puberty and went straight to wrinkled skin I just don't get it Jey yeah how did they find out he was undercover wow you uh you really can't put your nose on it can you no I can't I see what you did there my car hit 100,000 mil and the dash lit up in celebration congratulations on not shelling out for a whole new vehicle by the way everything is going wrong hundreds of dollars on dog beds and this is all he wants on the bright side at least someone wants to get in your pants I bought a Choose Your Own Adventure book you are never heard from again the end I wish I was a cat life would be much easier I gave birth to seven kids in a cardboard box uh yeah I guess you get put down for surgery if you break your bones I just get put down me seriously he didn't do the dishes yet dude you have to start keeping up with your chores past me nah the other guy will do them future me not cool man I need your clothes your boots and your insurance number unfortunately your vehicle is terminated also I have a white beard this kind of looks a bit weird on me I'll be honest Santa oh you knew what you were doing you knew what you were doing publisher Co the way Grandma liked it 50 mouthwatering chicken recipes that will blow your mind welcome to Amazon where we sell employees retirement homes we've recently had to take slightly better care of our workers so as such we are currently overstocked with these things sale time five star from Taylor no complaints from Grandpa oh that's lovely that's H the perfect cover nay it is not the cover that is perfect but that which is covered you're a little good boy and I love you Mah Rescuers in the UK have saved a stranded dog from drowning by dangling a sausage from a drone I could only imagine how horrifying this would be if this occurred in the sausage Party Universe anyway they're cool little action figure dudes you're going to love them here's mine it's really cool uh it's got blue shirt and jeans just like my you know eyes which are blue and yeah it's cool it's retro looking just something you can kind of collect all together now unfortunately we haven't finished the lasagna accessory pack but we are getting onto it so yeah now obviously I'm kidding oh of course I'm kidding there's going to be no lasagna and so I Cry Sometimes when I'm cutting up food just to make a that looks like you are welcome to mil for Plaza the guaranteed apartment building to find your mom your mom oh okay this cow looks like it's about to ask me if I have any games on my phone it's the cute eyes with the lack of any emotion in them just a lost soul wondering yearning for for some technological distraction with a slightly open mouth because they still haven't learned how to breathe through their nose do you have any games on your phone no well I do but not for you you'd make fun of me my neighbor allegedly refused to pay the guy who cleared his backyard he'll be coming home to this gift left in his driveway look if someone who's worked in yard work before I can assure you this would have only been done if it was definitely not allegedly God watching people pestering people into believing in him look at all of that free will God w we guess you guess you better start another flood huh stop trying to rig the BET Ste oh come on God just make a flood already I was promised gold you'll get that gold when you see the person who runs you over what for eternity shall we now do Grandma Yoda we're going to work on kma that movie sucked I heard there's a post credit scene in this movie it's a historical drama not a Marvel move oh dear God the Multiverse Saga it's literally a zombie genre now glass clack clack clack ghost clack clack clack clack Goose this multi-million dollar Hospital lab I work in with huge anal lizers and new equipment manufactured months ago has a tape dispenser from 1960 to the 70 held up by a toothpick SL stir stick hey look when you spend Millions on high quality tissues you got to you got to you know cheap out some somewhere else okay hi I'm having issues with the internet what seems to be the problem I'm getting lots of really mean comments we'll send someone over right away knock knock knock it's me a hug Oh yay I could use one right now that'll be $75 lyyy oh I walked into a human web I hope I didn't get any on me NASA's James web telescope sends back first image no no don't do that I don't know the reference to what sci-fi show this is but don't do that it's been a good run but looks like my time is up well death looks like you finally win it's just Monday get up my dog's daycare has a calendar here is this month's photo oh what's the opposite of photogenic your reflection okay last year for Christmas my daughter got my son a picture of herself this year she got him a picture of herself holding the picture she got him last year God damn that expression at the bottom is complete I know this gift is stupid and that's what makes it amazing because I am stupid but I am amazing you really stuck to your goals this year you even stopped playing video games and drinking you lost so much weight I'm so proud of you babe I love you I love you too that's not funny that's sad stop reading that book and do your chores stop watching that TV and read a box stop looking at your phone and watch the show stop Forks being the hyper Cube and look at your phone my local fish and chip shop loves Kaner loving fish sticks ah South Park the true Trend Setter an announcement from cessa and tick now hiring people who show up to work John you will take the minimum wage and you will like it again single file people do you know what he's on about mean I don't even know why we're here my sister took this pick today is it a daughter merely comforting their father or is the man that alien monster from the thing oh father let me cuddle you simple syrup not hand sanitizer please stop putting this on your hands I may have underestimated how tall an 18in bent frame plus box springs plus mattress topper is my goodness is this an alternate universe of Jack and the bean stalk gosh Dar look at the space underneath that bed that is some Prime real estate if you're a Monster who enjoys ankles not sure if they're a virgin for life or vegan for Life ah but does but they have nothing on the last offender of Virgin take that women can't scrab my sausage if you can't tell which one it is that's my secret Captain it's all my sausage all a single one intertwined went for a hike with some buddies next time I'm taking my wife instead because you know she'd appreciate it more oh well oh well your friend's just not as fun to walk with no it's just um boobs plumber what do you want client I want to feel the wind in my hair right say no more voila wind in your hairs just you know try not to look down for so long otherwise everyone's going to be really confused what you're doing it's a CO slle I'll see myself out this is probably the first time in many years where I've witnessed a pun and genuinely did think it was stupid my son just asked me why the tiger Had a Little Flower under its tail thanks for the detail Lego what what is that not nudity no seriously like like that's the pink bit I mean is it any different to putting nipples on it I mean come on I'm all for teaching about Anatomy but let's it's a very freshly cleaned butthole people dislike me for no reason but you wouldn't understand because you're a dick John it's been 5 minutes could you just refrain from the name calling I'm definitely not the problem so anyway here's my thoughts on feminism then I'm going to be an artist when I grow up now wow I'm really doing it we'll draw for food come on come on patrion don't make me resort to furry poon you call these salted beats authentic my great Nana would literally slap you if you serve this to her in the Old Country the old country the black's taken everything we have nothing to eat but salt and beets hate bats you know like come on I know okay ready to pull that lever CR no wait no could you hold our popcorn we kind of have a little bet going yeah sure cheers just let go after 2 minutes we don't want to burn it my brother gives me a modified kid card for my birthday every year I mean we're going to have to censor that surely oh thank you internet I am stealing this Innovative idea for my sister the card reads well hey there Buckaroo but pretend I said f instead you've turned 29 we should go with option a good call but option b sounds better B does sound better I like how we think alike me too later any advice for me never be a yes man uhhuh yeah real strong start okie dokie went to use the in-laws bathroom and thought I was an extra in Demolition Man now why is the hell what the huh what is with people in decorating their bathrooms real weird it's where where you go to poop stop it shared an image of our ultrasound for our first baby friend replied I have drawn a picture to remember them forever in this stage oh that's great keep that guy around six College Bros and one Brain Cell between all of us yeah look we've all been in a similar situation okay but when it comes to a spiral staircase you're not getting anything up it so don't try H chickin could be dangerous every one of us in the coupe has a purpose we hens lay the eggs the rooster crows and then there's Carol at first glance she doesn't appear to do much she never moves and she cannot see but every now and then oh my God we are very grateful to Carol for the life sustaining water she gifts us but Carol herself Carol is a mystery we may never hope to unravel eh you don't need to guys help I don't own a cat well it seems like you do now right not sure why this Chinese restaurant has chairs in front of the toilet but my interest is now Peete well it's it's probably for storage purposes or for performance look sometimes people need a little bit of help in there this picture smells like cigarettes oh God 7s right early to mid 70s those couches and chairs unfortunately last forever though oh God what a what a horrible time for color palettes my daughter and I made some black cats out of clay for Halloween oh that's adorable though they both look fantastic this is is an external battery I found rumaging through a draw I mean a drawer I think something in the future is copied it it reminds me of something oh oh anybody can be a father but it takes someone special to be a daddy I I I guess sir welcome to the wheelchair Foundation you are not welcome if you have to use a wheelchair Adele says new album will explain her divorce to her young son the pop Superstar gives her first interview for 5 years ahead of the release of her new album wait a minute divorcing who what lost dog if found well who are you going to call oh my God it looks like a scene straight out of Resident Evil you can do it little guy y dang all FL too man yeah come on man you're a float too boy maybe I should lose some weight I love you the way you are my Comfy Cushion also my emergency food supply not really do people not get that ah the grossly overweight man will be great if we have to eat somebody no he won't he's mostly fat you want the bodybuilder M delicious what's your gender please SCT one male female I have no plans to purchase a new vehicle I got to go with the third option hey man how you doing today h everything's been rough this morning I could barely even I mean good me too have a good day yep yep hey how are you feeling I want to rip my ovies out got it please don't speak Italian to the goat yeah don't you know how pissed off they get when you do that right we are very short staffed thank you for your patience if you're out of patience please ask for a job application just so long as you're paying appropr rately smartass a that's just cute come on always include the kitty in Halloween please like and share this post oh grandpa you're hilarious I can't wait for a prince to rescue me my lady I have come to Wed thee how about this one well to be fair he did say my lady oh I get it I get it very clever mother expect delays actually when I first saw that I thought it said mil even though there's no letters in between M and F piss in the toilet not on the floor or on the seat you lazy it's not that hard if piss is left on the seat or floor you better have found a fantastic hiding spot for your toothbrush Mom did you write that with Sharpie horse action figure no lie though I'd buy that H wow I can't believe you found a genie so did he Grant you any wishes uh nope we finally said not now we're ecstatic to announce that we are not engaged we repeat we're not engaged no date needs to be saved please go about your life as you normally would until further notice thanks guys well there's no Circle thingy with the slash through it so it must be okay that is a creepy looking crocodile or alligator I really don't give a crap your 20s are dead I'm here to collect your old ass bit oh dang she is strong mirror mirror on the wall Colonel Panic reinstall oh uh-oh your smart mirror is going a little Haywire a piano I spotted in a river on my run this morning it has not rained a lot lately and it appeared here in the last 48 hours huh well that's just going to make you think it's going to make me think all day my brother got this pizza in Rome Italy no he didn't no you're with me dude there's no way that looks raw first of all M Godzilla versus Jesus action play set look look Jesus was a mortal man Godzilla's got him beat okay I've told my cat a million times to stop opening up interdimensional portals in the house well maybe give up on that because it's clearly not working no no no no uh all right I'll go a block down then human why have you excluded me are you doing a potty in there unsupervised you always watch me it's not safe alone please let me in beware the booby traps of your soul Home Alone road to forgiveness wife disagrees on how cool my socks and sandals game is how does she disagree you know I I'm giving you nothing on this one my friend I've heard of motorcycle gangs but looks like now there are scooter gangs uh yeah have you ever seen the movie Larry Crown scooters are kick ass looks like there won't be a season two what H should someone tell them we've seen this before thank you Facebook yes we got it funny haha wow these are great I wonder what the serving size is serving size one10 of whatever you just ate serving sizes are a ripoff dude I don't understand forgot what I named my phone in a fit of rage when I kept breaking huh hi piece of sh at ComiCon my 5-year-old was terrified to take pictures with Ghostbusters yet ran up to these fine folks and asked for photos he explained it was because they were on his side very good point though he's so right somewhere out there in the Multiverse oh oh I see you know what it doesn't look bad on him all right you can say whatever you want about this man but he's smarter than all of us draw a model to show how you solved one of the problems I really do miss being allowed to think like that though where you take things a little too literally as a kid William Shatner successfully launches into space I don't care oh I get it cuz it's it's Squidward yeah make tea not love wait no tea is not nearly as fun as love my guy what the hell am I looking at here it's giving me a thumbs up tough kids that kid could absolutely kick my ass my daughter when she said she wanted to be a Transformer on Halloween your daughter's going places no really like President material that great my buddy is a Dodgers fan I'm a Giants fan we had a friendly $20 bet on who would win the nlds whatever the hell that means here's the $20 I will be giving him on Monday I mean I doubt he gives it he won ah sir meet Ben our new intern welcome to the team I look forward to twerking with you you mean working right no what do you think we do here dingleberry player 416 you have been eliminated from this game wait I have one more card to play oh wife left some hair in the shower I retaliated she's not going to notice nice cat of the week Maisy cuddled nicely naughty cat of the week Leo bit my ass I recently found out that my male pattern baldness looks like uh well oh yeah that's rough man at that point either start some hair regrowth treatment or shave it off please be safe do not stand sit climb or lean on fences if you fall animals could eat you and that might make them sick thank you for understanding look times are tough I've had to take a second job now the quicker you give me your tooth the quicker I can get out of here Michael what you're Invincible The Killing business is there for you always the kids wanted Spider-Man costumes did not disappoint hey you're spider- you're Spider-Man too I'm talking SP man Works supplied raincoats to the crew but Jose who is 5'1 showed up late and the only one was left was an XXL so now our workplace looks like it supports child labor laws the diagonal line is crucial Cube SciFi concept art as a fan of Halo I find this highly insulting but hilariously relatable local bookstore don't you do it there's a reason we removed these from all local libraries guardian of the Christmas ham yeah the guardian ain't protecting it it's just way waiting for it to be ready after being with my girlfriend for almost 8 years I finally made it into the family calendar oh congrats to you buddy more specifically your jawlines bum fluff I am making meatballs and asked my significant other to squeeze three clothes of garlic in the beef no no okay no in their defense okay there is a lot of weird recipes you see online and weird designs of food and creative creations of sorts yes this is silly and he was meant to cut them but imagine if he wasn't meant to cut them and he did it's not exactly fixable there is it you call him an idiot I call him weighing his options in choosing accordingly this screw up is fixable if he chopped them up and squished them all in then no he's just ruined the whole thing I'm not defensive of this because it's my own personal insecurity whenever my girlfriend ask me to cook with her you can't prove otherwise shut up my wife went to the flea market and brought home a wall decoration for the bathroom ooh are you doing a poooo in Joy another Christmas as the last unmarried in my family that's very interesting that you died one year wow I do like my 202's mask version very clever Delta passenger puts down mattress and goes to sleep at the gate look if I could be bothered rolling up an entire mattress I totally would do this but I feel like you need to arrive at least 5 hours before your flight to actually benefit from this a True Canadian Emergency due to gravy shortage poutin is currently unavailable wait poutine is an actual thing I'm pretty sure I've been using it as a substitute for certain parts of people's bodies anyway every exus I give my kids a personalized card this year I decided to mess with them to my favorite son fa my favorite son to my favorite son Missy effect my God the power of men running all sweaty across a field it's more powerful than Christianity my wife and I looked at this chance C and both went absolutely freaking not money grab take all Monopoly 100 bills from the bank and throw them in the air all players race to catch them keep what you catch and put any bills that land back in the bank how dare you Mr Monopoly we don't encourage stripper performances in this household rare Hawaiian monk seals keep getting eels stuck up their noses oh is that painful that looks painful but also satisfying I I can't tell by that face my mother washes her dishes by hand because the dishwasher is used for other things I I I guess if you enjoy hand washing chore my wife's way of getting bacon ready to be cooked is something I will never understand are they tripping away the fat or something what is the process here our cat turned 19 on New Year's Day happy birthday to you you look like you wish death upon us soon my local news station published an AR article stating that 167 swimming pools have the same amount of water as the Atlantic Ocean the literal ocean and that is why journalists are called journalists and not mathematicians oh no I'll miss my train oh you only have one item you can go in front of me oh thank you I also have only one item hello my wife couldn't open the bag so this was her solution when she bought the potato fashionable and utilitarian is that the right word here yep it is now soda syrup yum Wendy's gave my brother a packet of the soda syrup they used in a vending machines as part of his door Dash but why what does he have a syrup machine I'm pretty sure these only work with specific things M pure sugar every year I give my wife a hunky guy calendar with my face pasted on all the guys okay this man is the best at gift giving I'm confused we are unable to accept Apple pay payments at this time so you are now onions are currently over $10 per kilo in the Philippines so this he's fresh he's Fierce he brings you all to tears I wish that I could go back in time so that I could blow everybody uh what mes with my incredible knowledge of the future so how do you make one of these cell phones I don't know got my wedding pics back a beautiful grandma got an Apple Watch but still insistent on sporting the Rolex got to love that appreciation of the classics and the anxiety of trusting the future I don't think my 10-year-old was pleased to receive the nania books for Christmas it's okay this is just part of a hero's journey she's refusing the call and soon it she be thrust upon her we'll accomplish that by throwing the books at her face repeatedly ow I hate it when job interviewers ask what is your greatest strength so I printed up these business cards to just hand out when asked ooh ooh damn if that ain't creative they may not be the most qualified in their field but damn will they be memorable amongst my dad's Christmas decorations is a set of porcelain angels in a box marked Christmas angles we've giggled about this misspelling for years so this season I finally made him the Christmas angles he deserves you know what I like these they're all right imagine being in line at Starbucks glancing up to misunderstand what was taking place my first initial thought on God was put it in reverse Terry put it in reverse head over the cash preferably C my family does brackets for holidays this was our Christmas bracket well congratulations on the grle for making the winning prize now Excuse me while I Google what the hell that thing is what we hate that bird it's so pretty though what the common grle it's like a rainbow the ultra rare three ball kick d and look on that dude's face he's either just realized what he's come into contact with or he's putting a lot of effort into that swing I suppose that's what you get when you're too busy trying to pose like Michael Jackson on the court green shirt this isn't the time to he he we got given a toilet light but it's stuck on red which is the most terrifying color to have glowing from your toilet come on friend give hell some more material to lather our guests in you will always remember this day as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow yes yes second spotted on the apartment's notice board the Pinnacle notice board unit 53 please try to keep it down your smexual noises ruin our weekends regards neighbors look if you know the unit number just slip them the note this is an unnecessary call out excited expecting engaged egg salad what does that mean though in this context do you that do you like to eat people's eggs um I'm confused guy got Wednesday tatted on him looked small like Samuel Jackson's daughter no no no no no sign on the back of a local restaurant restricted employees only or Scarlet Johansson accurate holiday season 1st to the 26th of December festive 27th of December to 31st of December confused full of cheese unsure of the day of the week January Etc fat my mom texted me this picture saying she caught my cat doing this we've never seen her do this before my God she's anthropomorphizing sorry I'm late your directions made no freaking sense rest in peace Shelbyville okay we're just going to focus on the middle of the graph here because everyone behind me is just the lost caruse my mom's shower at her hotel so how many showerheads all of them not so fun size America why please just stop I know my kid isn't the smartest kid but warning extremely slow children playing literally the time is dilated here it's kind of weird ah frick Wireless it is then how do you achieve this I'm sorry I just thought it was common knowledge not to use scissors around cords so apparently I need to explain to the In-laws how bagged milk works I'll be honest I was one of those people who thought what the heck this is weird why that dumb but when you have an A planted home that's designed to hold all the milk for you like the bag is literally just to carry it to home Okay makes sense a bit more now my wife loves movies but dislikes unnecessary intimate scenes this is a gift she got from some work friends presenting the allnew frisky fast forward remote save your eyes for Jesus today men are like waffles women I like spaghetti learn more confusing comparisons in 52 ways to wow your husband how how to put a smile on his face great to see Prince Harry's new book on display yeah I don't doubt for a second the person who owns this store has something against Prince Harry these little boys have shoveled my friend's driveway for the last 2 years this year they came with a card snow Bros we are Frosty's nightmare door Todo or buy appointment satisfaction guaranteed or double your snow back that sounds like a threat my sister thought this was a good way to stop her cat from destroying the Christmas Tre the Helm's Deep approach I dig it however I am not a cat and I can see the multitude of ways to get over this obstacle forgotten for 6 hours in the storm well now at least you're all sorted for water sort of huh guess I grabbed the extra strength moisturizer by mistake damn broy flexon and this is why I don't drink water staying hydrated is linked to lower risk of disease faster aging and early death study finds wife asked me to feed baby which flavor well it's rather obvious by the labeling give him that creamy style horseradish the card my 7-year-old son gave me today that I will cherish forever dear Mom you do not suck a thanks sweetie your father's really upset about it these earrings bought on Amazon are labeled super poor quality by are you stupid it's just a play on words it's ironic it's purposely ironic that's why that's why it cost $200 because it's ironic is if I have fashion label High fashion labels definitely wor the price what the hell is this baby you shall dance and pose in these outfits and you shall like it brain we talked about this please deescalate the [Laughter] situation insult their mother I got this for my manager's last day tomorrow I'm pretty sure I can't get fired fine go good luck finding better looking co-workers than us oh look at that you even had some wriggle room to say freak you this is my Christmas present from my boss I'm a 41-year-old man and neither my first nor last name start with a t oh it's not for your name mate it's for who you are to me oh like terrific no oh like terrible tasty what what a graffiti message I saw today what kind of paint are you using to paint over this because if it is latex it's probably way too cold for it you want good adhesion you need like at least 40 to 45° maybe wait till it warmed up a little I mean what's the big rush like I'm in a rush now but our situation old the flow chart before turning the heat on do you have socks on have long sleeve shirt underwear and pants see your breath if you answered yes to all of these and no to the last one then you are not needing heat if you did all the opposite get dressed stop it get away from the heater my daughter is having twins oh Lord that is a lot of potential compost not even a day after our dog had a mass removal I ended up having an emergency append what appendectomy nailed that pronunciation a second after and not 30 to a minute wife is taking care of both of us a look at you lazing about useless no mistakes just happy accidents congrats on your baby oh boy you know it's Pete comedy when it's on a freaking greeting card Hallmark Channel's about to take over Comedy Central any day now free money are you poorly educated do you have inadequate genit unable to function as a normal human being great just leave your dog poo everywhere why not put it in a bag and then leave it on the side of the path so that the rest of society knows whom not to breed with obviously you can't look after yourself and you shouldn't be allowed to look after your dog you are a disgrace to humanity you are worse than the contents of the bags you leave behind who bags it and then leaves it every r/ relationship advice thread break up with them getting played red flag leave immediately well I guess it's kind of your fault if you go to Reddit for any kind of advice 4.5 GHz CPU 32 gigs of RAM dual GPU now my aim will suck in 4k Homer Alaska a quaint drinking village with a fishing problem wait just a minute here my hands are consuming more alcohol than my mouth huh I'm a little confused by this what's going on go around if it was meant to go fast it wouldn't be shaped like a goddamn brick that is a very valid point Zoom attire there we go that's what I'm talking about although why stop there what's the point of even wearing the Underpants especially ones that you know you'd want to show off I mean look at those oh come on why' you invite this guy to the Nerf battle again he's no fair man also again where is the funny here this guy's just cool I would like to file a complaint submit it here you don't even hide that it's a trash bin we pride ourselves on our transparency please accept accept our sincerest apology all right fine you're forgiven that'll be three books oh I see I see no no it's absolute Peete comedy I it's very very funny I'd like to know how you burned your legs I accidentally spilled hot coffee on it what really happened what happens if I run crisis on this crappy ass laptop yeah that'll do it well it'll do it more if you don't clean your laptop out remember out there in Internet land opening your laptop to clean it is very very easy sometimes it's as easy as your desktop so please clean your electronics I'd like to know exactly what the situation is why is she jumping out of the window what's the cat trying to do why are there people watching release of cats movie things going to crap yeah I would definitely blame it on that movie I mean there are plenty of crappy movies I can understand getting made because they make money like the Resident Evil series not very good movies but they made over a billion dollars so why not keep making them but cats come on come on $100 sech charge will be applied to any customer that mentions how they can find parts cheaper online look if you can find parts cheaper online go buy them online and bring them in Brian what are you doing trying to understand my clients and did you figure something out no but I'm having a lot of fun though you're weird Brian that is a little bit darker than I expected that to be what the hell kind of a waste land has r/f funny become all right that's just fantastic photography come on please practice socialist dancing socialist dancing okay we're going to move on I'm going to be decoding this one for a while though how dare you to collect my data and sell it to advertisers website give me that checks the same three websites every day only knows two meals music playlist changed one time in his whole life because he accidentally deleted it I hope you didn't lose too much money selling this thank you I am worthless to advertisers I think most of us really are my friend David had his ID stolen now he's just Dove graphic design Department oh yeah you guys seem real trustworthy I hope your rates are super high you're not allowed to bring your dog to work worker productivity you're not allowed to leave your dog at home come on down to the liquor drive-thru homeschooling get your supplies here I don't know who's going to need these supplies more the students or the teachers come to bed hun I'm sorry I can't I have to argue with an internet guy about historical economics but you don't know anything about historical economics it's okay neither does he we can go all night long oh no and all new Facebook update please God we moved freaking everything I'm not strong enough oh no my dad is my best friend wow you really had to do your dad like that come on man the number one cut finder in America nice little guy definitely bit off more than he could chew huh so how'd you get here well my wife and I owned a clothing store but there was a fire so we took the insurance money and moved you well my wife and I owned a handbag store but there was a flood so we took the insurance money and moved how did you start a flood ah insurance fraud PE comedy boy have I got a notification for you Facebook I thought I locked the door I hit a spare key in case you locked me out I've got a big surprise for you on this special day it's your best buddy Josh Facebook I haven't spoken to Josh in 10 years that's right you two are celebrating 10 years of friendship no we're not sorry man they had a spare key for my place too uh-oh a cute guy I'll just be cool and say good day or should I say hey hello gay all right August it's up to you good luck and godp speed okay wow that actually kind of creeps me out more than I figured it would I can't stop looking him in the eyes Mark Wahlberg is the white guy who saved some people this time he has a dream drinking problem doctor it feels like I've been in this Hospital forever don't worry you won't be with us much longer oh oh no a hug without you is just toxic oh science jokes you are observing Home Depot associates in their natural habitat please do not feed them or tap on the glass thank you they will begin to cry hey you take my ID if anything goes wrong you bust it out like your LAPD well this isn't going to work I'm not 6'1 why are dogs so happy we're very ignorant of most things so am I but it's not working oh boy the internet is freaking down again why is the internet down every 2 hours every 2 hours all right smoke break hi I've forgotten what room I'm in no problem sir this is called the lobby sorry I've lost track what are we praying for now we are praying sister tabini that God might see fit to help the poor if you want to help them why not melt this gold guy down and pass him out like coins cut out the middleman right guys blasphemer how dare you bring logic into God's house the last thing a lumberjack wants is a dull axe that's why I bought this little tux for mine now that's one sharp looking axe am I lonely someone definitely lost all motivation and they're also an for just leaving things wherever they want I lost my freaking cat his name's trip but he's a and doesn't respond to it but I love him and still want him back $500 reward ineffective face mask Bingo the schnaz the sideways the Feed Bag the neck warmer the chin strap the plague talker The Hanger the hostage the waded up in their back pocket welcome to the first fortune teller club meeting now I brought something to celebrate matching t-shirts you're all mediums right all right that's a clever little joke there sexiest man alive oh yeah I always knew it would be this guy it was really rooting for him after sparking a war between the metric and Imperial systems America realizes their mistake Bloody Mary Bloody Mary Bloody Mary oh there she is I'm moving today I need your help with some boxes ah crap this is not the penis museum you're going to go back to this Street turn left and walk 20 M or 60 feet it'll be on the same side you can't miss it it has a big penis logo sincerely the people who work here did we did we need a penis museum oh look mushrooms luckily I have a field guide to tell if these are edible poon or psychedelic ah here we are oyster mushrooms safe to eat boring I only check the news once a week now still okay student drop off okay Pennywise that's enough of that for some strange reason I agree with this kid whenever I tried to play the guitar or ukulele or whatever the hell I felt this exact image deep within my soul apple banana screw you orange you're hard to peel strawberry grap oh but you're easy to peel we're all easy to peel with a freaking switchblade orange just grow up how do you like my pancakes does they taste like crepe I'm sorry mommy did you eat all the penis huh peanuts yes I ate all of the peanuts you like penis Optimist the glass is half full pessimist the glass is half empty 2020 that's P isn't it eh I'll take it probably tastes better than most of the news I've gotten this year James I've decided to fire you because you deleted our entire database and only recovered one entry I bet if I picked a random person out of the phone book they could do a better job than you phone book compiling agency hi random person want a job there's something off about you the human is on to us say something a human would no need to fret I have discovered the universal phrase all earthlings know the mitochondria is the PowerHouse of the cell stop stop stop if you are not construction do not enter no Walkers no hikers no bikers no no no no no this means you no hard hat no enter construction only Pizza Guy okay I think I'll sit here to do my work no you're too close we have to be at least 6 ft apart it's America I can sit wherever I want you can't see it but I'm sticking my tongue out at you ouch teacher Debbie pricked me with her pencil if you were 6 ft away she wouldn't have been able to reach you no boy I'm an anti-p porn activist as a matter of fact what's your favorite auntie porn wow that was that was a fantastic joke ever since you were born it's almost like you've been a son to us it's seems like yesterday we brought you home from the hospital at least now you're house broken and can eat solid foods as you've grown older your fascination with puns has grown and our love for you has dwindled although you may not be number one you're at least in our top four children by the time you read this your stuff will be packed in bags out front so time to load up and become someone else's problem love Mom and Dad P.S we're moving so don't try to find us now that's true love right there folks well if it works it works all right not guaranteed see you he is ice cold in there reserved seating only yeah you dang that thing is quite an impressive feet of engineering oh my mistake it's even more impressive now again how is this funny though I like my women like I like my food literally anything I have no standards somebody please talk to me well you weren't the first to do it but you have done it the best so far you're a little sus though one adult ticket please I can tell your three sheep in a trench coat are you sure yes look 1 2 3 I like that one time to find a new shell what in the hell good sir raise your visor so that I may look upon the face of a champion my lady SIM card extractor thingy I feel like at this point that should actually be its literal terminology I have never heard a person actually call it by what it's supposed to be called and at this point I don't think it actually has an official name no smoking no dogs and absolute Ely no smoking dogs oh look at this little mad lad going at it correction in yesterday's paper in Chris surly's jazz albums column we incorrectly referred to Don Randell as a terrorist when it clearly should have been terorist we apologized for any offense wow an actual correction you don't see that much these days son one day you'll grow up to be a man well Dad I'm 23 yes but you use Tik Tok stop eating animals without barbecue sauce how do you feel about using toys in the bedroom OMG I thought you'd never ask yeah we were all thinking it let's be real got any food about some crumbs what about trash I eat trash welcome to the Temple of healing how can I help you I got bit by a mummy and now I'm slowly turning to sand H unfortunately without curse Insurance treatment will cost you 30,000 gold tell you what I'll just drink a lot of water and hope it fixes itself that's probably a good idea yell Manana aw poter aw Ultron no it's Voltron Ultron is from the Marvel Universe it's very important that you get your words right for my next trick I will throw my voice boo ventriloquism is lame oh yeah yoink God I'd love to go back in time and blow people's minds with my incredible knowledge what watch for children what a deal not bad all right I can turn water into wine that sounds great for parties but not much use in a fight humans are 60% water let me win your heart with a song sure is it wonder wall I love wonder wall this made me kind of sad I work harder than an ugly stripper I'd believe it too I share your xylophobia dad you mean xenophobia xylophobia would be a fear of xylophones I am afraid of xylophones it's the music you hear when skeletons are dancing after before you can do it too it's just this easy yes everybody in class would you like to see my cat's butthole no too bad Zuck hand over your data 007 sure take it it's pretty worthless to be honest oh look the consequences of your branding but look on the bright side at least you're not called Richard Pizza New to the dollhouse collection Barbie dream dumpster a place for all your hopes and aspirations hey ease off the ass mhm what's to live by oh don't be afraid most Earth things aren't as big as I am oh well it's an honor to meet the dominant species of this planet yeah well you know I I M you know the hair who has an itchy scalp you do you do human beware of flying bicycle multiple children attempting to recreate that scene from ET in this area this is a robbery please take the money just don't hurt anyone I don't want the money I'm here for the real treasure put the friends we made along the way into the bag but it's such a small bag do it lady it was such a big casting crew yep people search for these Villages I searched for fugging oh did you did you maybe mean dildo or Kone why not visit the big brown girthy clock tower at cuming searching for Batman gets rather gritty over there how about land flip sorry just exploded a ton of actually that reminds me have you visited this place hiy Gamers kitties need more FPS too food yeah PS per per loser and sleep yeah CZ this m is actually Majin fight me kku we are Rivals again have I been using hand wrong all this time plus plus antibacterial Handel eat me quick what's he thinking animal telepathy man wolf but but what does that mean sorry I don't speak German bar and schniter anyway the first consult is 200 the golden years have come at last I cannot see canot I cannot I cannot scre my hearing K the golden years have come at last good Lord this is no time for Twizzlers you're not hang on I'll open the door in a second chuth guys come on please indulge into wash your hands you're filthy animal I can replace my eyes I can replace my nose but I can't replace my soul with one that feels happy you'd think this is tears but no this is a baby's drool I am a child's toy I am literally incapable of expressing myself this has got to be the last one right considering what Hasbro did with the battleships movie I would not be surprised if they turned this into some sort of horror drama akin to sore it's not just a medical emergency anymore it's an operation coming this summer where are we heading baby you'll see Point freck rock hard conversation about what we want out of this relationship Gorge I just need to know where you see ourself well my problem is that you're a cancer don't my butt and call me a good boy it really hurts hey why are you so nervous last get help let's just circle back for a second IH hop now hiring people that show up will'll pay you both for your body to work the floor and as ingredients don't blame us blame the supply shortage let's just enjoy the uh advertisement here first here's the image it's in Italian advertising a gym clearly desperate for more male cented members it seems but no the translation is either dumping into the insecurity of man or inviting the promiscuity of woman she trains three times a week her husband doesn't she does Zumba two times a week her husband doesn't she has it on three times a week her husband doesn't my woman needs to stay nice and fit for me me at all times what you're going to a gym where you're going to stay nice and fit no you'll cheat on me just how I like my greens King kale yeah I bet it likes uh being sved fried and I don't know I'm very vanilla I don't know the terminology if you are reading this it's too late chokes on you I have a Speare just over here no hey got a FAL at the end of this year or prom or I don't know what do you Americans do that make you drive limers around free advertising here it is go and hire it please I want this at someone's formal having trouble finding suitable Mother's Day cards marker win Happy Mother's Day from your granddaughter with lots of love went to see Cara Marx's grave and the directions were incredible what a state of the world we live in toilets have a priority in Direction Nova marks such important historical figures are overshadowed by the need to poo introducing smarts sword filter they cast a minor illusion to make the killing blow fun for everyone have a jab this is fine have a slash and a personal favorite Harrah [Applause] Kitty welcome to the metap first here you can be anyone you want just look at me I'm an accountant IRL but here I'm an orc Warrior no judgment yeah no judgment no judgment go ahead be who you've always wanted to [Music] BEP yeah Salmon's not your color you just said no judgment how dare you judge my opinion admin I'm being bullied presenting the C reminded to be thankful that we have the current Animal Kingdom we have and not you know a Beast with a beak so I was wondering what's on your Far Side wo whoo boundaries dude lift heavy objects correctly C diagram remember slap assh for motivation I can't do it ah yes I can so that's why jockey whip horses butts in races driver picks the music shotgun shuts his cake hole somebody would not be good as an Uber driver meanwhile on a minivan I'll never drive a minivan van me four kids ago I don't get minivan hate man like they are just so versatile in just moving things such as four bodies sorry kids same thing really now hiring monster 160 oce 2 450 what what does that mean oh God why I I just looked at the image and I'm already horrified despite strong demand from Texas Hasbro discontinued their special edition Optimus Prime with truck nuts to widespread disappointment I'm sorry I thought this was a America Justice for my BS feminism has gone too far being human is too painful I'm going to trade places with the thickest plant in the living room trans and so is callum's Persona transitioned with the plant his desperate attempt to escape his existence was blinded by the fact that tree may be a psychopath you should have ever watered me when you had that chance war of passive aggression Thousand Oaks Boulevard on this spot in 1958 lies the the northernmost advance of Berkeley's war of passive aggression strongly worded Anonymous notes and deep size lasted for years in avoidance of directly talking with neighbors no one recalls how it began it's assumed a neighbor mistakenly parked in front of someone else's home I kind of wish I could go back in time to experience this historical dispute between neighbors just imagine the sheer pettiness levels to go out of your way to make this sell me a pen to prove you are the right man for the job H you have a peanut allergy but wait there's more this EpiPen is all you need it's only $10,000 Mr scr you've got the TRU Dr Harry Pepe and Associates well it's nice to see that Meme is building themselves back up again after the destruction of the joy of it from the 2016 elections no I just needed to change the baby's diaper I didn't really need to make a sacrifice right now trying to decide what to name my daughter puppy from the word for the red flower derived from all English Porche feminine form of porous no wait something even better tip means divine blessing I bet they are derived from Tai meaning blessing and thp meaning Divine oh it's Tai whoops oh there I go criticizing another language casual racism oh look something we're all probably going to invest in the same way people have invested in masks I just I don't need a theat right now you know I was going to complain about the fact my coffee is just milk but yeah I'm good uh I'm going to accept this so based on this example of the difference between the displaying of mapping here we have the Earth mapped out in a square shape because it looks more Chad push button for yeah all right hey guys that person there just want press the button he wants sex yeah he pressed the button he want wow I've never seen such straight bananas before I wonder why they grow them this oh well I guess that's why remember turn your computer off before midnight on 31st the 12th n n as if this wouldn't just tempt someone to keep their on to be the one who instigated the end of the world the power you have H how can we criticize and despise the elite when they look like such good boys attention to the robot this is compulsory you know you you might have a better shot if you tried something else that's you I don't remember this episode of the Ronald McDonald show oh no that's the mummy and Dy cups Professor jiggly is loose in cat room let me out I'm M sence my girlfriend lost her earring early in the night after searching for about an hour we finally gave up guess what we found when she got close to the bottom of her drink well that's one creative way to test if she'd ever noticed a wedding ring down there keep your shrimp hands strong there's something slightly Eerie about the fact that these are just dismembered bottoms of animals I'm no vegan but I can understand them you know 3 hours of sleep 6 hours of sleep 8 hours of sleep 12 hours of sleep I know we like to joke about the hole that's so me but do see a doctor about this it might be your iron levels hey remember that scene in that movie where the guy gets turned into like cement well we made him edible come on I hat you had solo bab but this is a special night oh I see it's bring your son to work day here at the cone Department escalator temporarily stairs you know what technically it's the exact same thing you just have to put in a bit of effort shoot for the moon even if you miss you'll land among this dog must have amazing core strength wooden height adjustable pet ramp for all dogs and cats six layers from 11.81 in to the height that the guy on Tinder definitely says he has no lie sympathy or sudden loss try this card holy crap your mom's dead sorry to hear that woohoo I get criticized for sleeping in too much well you know who else sleeps in a lot the sun sometimes past noon I mean probably there's no way to know yes yes I know about this and I would very much like to book a ticket whoever's earning residuals from Shrek I really hope they are living large now they deserve to be hey don't forget about that quick and easy task yeah I was actually thinking about waiting until it becomes a massive issue for us well deal so I said I want to raise a toast and I did and it was the best toast I could have ever wished for a thanks Mom interview do you choose yourself as your avatar when you play your games Tony Hawk are you asking if I play with myself well uh maybe huh oh hello you adorable doggy I know exactly what to do with you bam movie poster yeah honestly I could totally see the dog having that tongue as well maybe not the Teeth Let's no let's not give it the teeth we'll work for girlfriend oh what a shame RuneScape servers are down for the week friend of mine came home to this earlier ow D is that that's not shattered glass that's just stuck feather ruffle wow there's something artistic about this but at the same time horrifyingly sad because you can see the face of the bird there and it clearly was not expecting this well damn a genie you get one wish from me and you can't ask for infinite wishes oh I wish I knew what to ask for wish granted uh yeah you blew that one birds have been harassing the neighborhood so this is how my neighbor has to mow his lawn oh this poor gentleman though without context it looks like he's just assaulting his lawn mower come on do it qu my aunt's car just casually reminding you to bring lint rollers whenever you visit though honestly the fact you have more than three cats and manag to not make them hate each other that look that's an impressive fate crazy cat ladies should work for domestic disputes because they clearly have incredibly effective deescalation tactics you've heard of K9 but name this law enforcement unit you thought that laser dot on your forehead was for a sniper nah mate we're just painting you as the target meanwhile the nelon reality where everyone is eggs first thing I'm going to do when I get back is get some decent food oh hey bual down hey Cal down dude oh my God saw this number plate on the way to London you losers now see if I had this license plate I would be the most cautious man on the road because the last thing I want to have this license plate and be pulled over by a police car add in a local newspaper so so many questions with this one but here we go Ashley Furniture Industries honesty and integrity passion drive and discipline continuous Improvement dirty fingernail grow focused join our family today just don't wash your hands it's our family sigil seriously I can't tell if this just wasn't properly checked over before submitting it for the ads or this was their purpose attempt to like gather attention though if it's the latter they still failed because all I can think of when it comes to Ashley's Furniture Industries is their dirty fingernails how should we respond to this overwhelming situation [Music] brain I see you've checked out making it simple accounts payable if we owe you accounts receivable if you owe us thank you brackets for explaining things better than the original word ever could honest Car Wash sign power wash Car Wash touchless automatic and self- sered voted best car wash by the owner and her dad Panda Express is out here calling me ugly and stupid you are as intelligent as you are goodlook why thank you well hang on those crazy Penguins no alcohol no profanity no smoking no nudity no Penguins the S was put up after a single night that said it was a pretty memorable night my middle school has a carnival every year this was one of its Raffles come on down boys girls moms and dads win some lottery tickets some Bakery gift cards or get your balls chopped off give your kids the subtle hint their a financial burden for just $1 a moment of silence to the fathers who were eager on the bakery gift cards but are like ah dang it guess I'm getting the vasectomy this Pond decoration I can't fathom what is worse here if he looked like he had drowned or the fact he looks like he isn't drowning my dear crystal ball please do show me in this hour who can I Spy on in the shower hey you better not be looking at on that thing again no what would be my Disney princess name in this instance uh you know this is weird because this is literally the angle of perception I have for my own body and yet still it's still uncomfortable because it's not my own body i dub the prince FAS your daily inspiration qut from the Georgina Garden Center why are they called kles and not push-ups wheelchair ramps in Pakistan no no it's fine it's like losing part of your senses it just makes the other ones grow stronger lose your legs it makes your arms twice as strong it's science back in 15 minutes if not read that sign again oh cool a Tik Tok from the 1940s I think we all know what really happened killer whes coming for you I tell my kids to stay still in the car while waiting on the red or else we'll get a ticket ah the tempting power of abusing your children's trust my personal favorite is that one where you say you love them that's real funny my mom used to crack me that one all the time my boss put this up as a reminder of our core values the management concepts of fives housekeeping practices in workplaces five complimentary oh I forgot to put an eye there let me just draw that in five compl Tre principles and one organis no wait hang on one organis Aton I see we're counting these as if we're watching the Star Wars movies two nness three Clan four stand isation and five disy oh let me just write the rest of that in there uh PL yeah remember 5 1 2 3 4 and five again they there's a bit of a paradox in existence there they're occupying the same space science still cannot explain explain it my nana needed help fixing her remote I asked her to grab some batteries and she came back with these one of these things is not like the others one of these things is concerning Community response to a massive Wildfire firefighters to deal with not just the fire but with people in the middle of the road ejaculating sir you need to move your car I can why not the fire o it's so hot oh somebody this man cold water now wouldn't have it any other way rimmed by passionate people the first time on Splash Mountain was a lot my wife said it looked as though his soul left his body but he wanted to see the crocodiles again but he forgot about the drop so the left side is his first experience yep that's definitely someone who's departed from this realm that or maybe he saw God as well but apparently he was quick to compartmentalize this experience into the depths of his brain cuz he wanted to go on it again and yeah there's there's the second attempt taking a quick second to Fathom whether or not the crocodiles were truly worth it a sad short story oh no that poor Baron foot forever left to yarn at the loss that is its Comfort now how shall this middle class pompous white family enjoy their cocking and shuttling my son wrote an apology letter to my wife Dear Mommy I am sorry I said I will put my balls in your first I will never say that again yeah that's right I barely get to as it is ring ring what's that noise it's the customer service line are you saying someone actually navigated our labin phone tree and still hasn't hung up after a full hour of Mind melting hold music yeah what's wrong with them I don't know but I'm scared my child is failing Elementary School the Betrayal honey what are you doing I can explain I know they are her hands but ever since my wife said her crutch is on fire I can't unsee it yeah that face does not help either literally look like you're caught with your pants on fire someone forgot an important letter this amm good morning America this just in heat Schmid's East due to the humidity it is going to be extra sloppy the letter F in this children show no how did that get past so many people there wouldn't have just been one person creating this there would be a whole team this volunteer fire department signed near my house Nicole's fire department help wanted odd hours no pay cool hats 45 days is a good streak number of days since our last Karen 45 well that just tempts me to break it you know that stop it stop teasing me with an opportunity I'm filling out job applications for large corporations this is Region's Bank and these are actual skills they'll let you pick yeah I have some pretty average skills computer hacking bow hunting nonshock these street names in a new suburb in development in Las Vegas you're no way well that's it we've done it we're slowly reaching an entirely new age of naming through things forget influential people's names instead it's your favorite 2D animated character as an Australian I can't really talk smack about this considering we have a Batman Avenue in Melbourne named after John Batman which another fun fact if it weren't for the ego of fighting over titles back in the day Melbourne Australia would have been called batmania my son thinks he is hilarious taught him to stack the dishes in the sink now tell him he has to pack it all down and he loses allowance for every time he breaks something hey man I hate to do this but I got to cancel our coffee today oh no so sorry to hear that this spam email says you can write them to unsubscribe so I'm giving it a shot oh you were going to freak them the hell out when they actually get some mail what the hell is that it's probably a bomb b the speaker system what are you putting on me attention this is not a g can it is a speaker do not throw trash inside the path and lamps are not on speaking terms we just talk about it so nice that airplanes include the Australian spelling of USB please insert your USB or meanwhile in your local community stop feeding my turtle turtles are not supposed to look like this what even did it shell explode considering that's basically just an exoskeleton spin thing at I this really scary someone is creeping into my backyard at night and overfeeding Walder every morning I go out and find In-N-Out Burger wrappers and soda cans as Walter lies in a food coma stop this Insanity my husband has had to go to therapy about it and it costs so much we can't afford to pay our rent we don't want to move back to San Raphael do you know who is doing this please call Straight Out of Looney Tunes no I'm where is even that road going is there a bit of a danger streak within you you think you're going to make some successful jump off this ramp onto the lake I'm not sure you're familiar with what it's like to impact water at terminal velocity I'll give you a hint I commonly enjoy two servings of you from pancake Mana A kid threw something at our neighbor's house then tried to run away he got his head stuck in a fence I love instant kimer God well at least he's comfortable real seriously props to you parent for just taking this moment to get the flash on your camera take a nice photo that is going to look great at their 21st birthday controller used to navigate the Titanic sub flick it twist it pull it vacuum it wait this man right here is the grade a example as to why needing to be the prime Alpha of your pack does not at all equate to modern day achievements in becoming financially secure he saw there was an opportune market and he is now the Bill Gates of it do you have any Ambitions Beyond basic survival H not really okay uh is basic survival even an ambition of yours H oh no Taylor Swift fan hides identity because she called in sick to work oh you best hope they don't recognize that towel or sunglasses my 20th birthday cake happy 20th I IB te pregnancy not going to lie that's an that's an awesome cake design that is really cool maor congrats on having a hilarious line and great tasting looking cake this calzone better chill the freak out oh I got a poop nope what I got in my fortune cookie today about time I got out of that cookie a how sweet your fortune was saving something from captivity which also makes you wonder though was it put there in the first place on purpose Maybe it had done some heinous or horrifying thing which it deserved such imprisonment for but you just decided to not think about that at all and let it free anyway now it's back to wonder The Plains of the realm you also exist in free to continue whatever it did without any repercussions or authority to keep it in check ever again I always quoted water boy when drinking from water fountains and then I found this gem Now That's What I Call high quality H2O you is here here it is the Fountain of my destiny milk it come milk a cow for $3 or two people for $5 well I'm definitely picking the cow but is out of curiosity are the two people what women men just divorced her third husband and she's thriving yes girl boss you get it you are the queen time to go to my dead end's job love morning coffee D do do just ignore what's reflecting on my screen just a lady walking her Turtle you can tell by her Footwear she's an avid reptilian fan our new janitor at my American Legion Post is computer savvy new sign posted at the urinals we aim to please you so please aim to please us love the exceptionally tiny image his reference those with shorter barrels or low muzzle velocity please engage Target at a closer range no not like that please please note that due to essential maintenance today the urinals will be out of service please use the floor below thank you ah well that explains the weird leak all over the floor $800 well spent bird X ultrasonic bird repeller as you can see it does not work what country is this it doesn't matter it's theirs now pack your belongings kid you're moving to batmania my wife and I can't come to an agreement on which draw should hold you pencils in our house it's been 9 months of this oh but see on the left side they get a nice little suntan every time you bring them out to play I just realized it's like the cutlery equivalent of Gotham and Metropolis well my muscl are huge your journey has only just begun it takes years actually I think I'm happy with this I'm done I'm happy happy I'm done thank you God for keeping Gus alive and for fixing his wounds okay fine my 73-year-old land lady just asked why I have a 5 foot4 hat in the basement I don't know how to explain this I've got a sneaky suspicion that that story isn't true I've seen these pictures before never wants the story to go along with it my boyfriend's grocery receipt 45 oh no he got meatballs he got he got meatballs it's fine no that's a balanced meal new to woodworking accidentally made a Char Cuchi board mother-in-law found out I was spending the night I'm the first man in the house in a while dude just sit down and pee like a real man please do not eat in the library the mice will get in and learn to read and get too smart and knowledge is power as we all know but power corrupts so they'll turn evil and take over the world a mistake was made was it really a mistake though answer honestly I have a small YouTube channel where I upload songs I've written I was curious about my audience demographics I showed my friends and now they're all poking fun at me for making mom music okay that's great though you found a demographic now roll with it saw this on Facebook not what I pictured a wooden nativity set to look like wow that's really detailed my little brother is coming home from boot camp next week this is everything that he wants to eat wait hold on wait no no I got this hold on uh food wish list smoked mac and cheese Sushi Donuts brownies cereal pancakes cereal just any cereal Reese's and s'mores Popeyes maybe D Dairy Queen Honey Buns bowling alley Doritos McDonald's Smash Burgers homemade chicken bacon ranch fries Oreo balls wings and S jeez all right this is a lot protein bars wait okay okay look you can call me whatever you want you say whatever you want but I don't know what a brownie is what is a hold on no hold on I I I got this i got this I'm looking at up brownies let's see oh so they just look like brownies but a little worse it's got Oreos in the middle you know what sorry I see the timer I'm so I'm sorry God dang boring werewolves you I've always wondered about that my license photo the only thing the woman who took my photo said was you're okay with with this yes ma'am I'm certainly okay with it peas and carrots my ass yeah I don't see a carrot in there from this distance no maybe one what I imagine when people say they enjoy eating ass you got to stop imagining man been traveling alone for work for a month now not sure if I'm at Peak living or hit rock bottom we'll we'll judge we'll judge well let's see here not a fan of them just dangling over the side of the bathtub like that but you know what man you you do you you do you as long as you don't drop any of that in there I think you'll be just fine so my sister's school had $4,000 that they could basically spend on whatever they chose this piece of educational art did they spend the whole $4,000 on that tonight was foreign Culture Night in my house so I decided to cook a traditional dish from Pompei oh no you I knew it my wife wanted a pot filler so I got her this and now she won't talk to me I wonder why accidental Harry Potter man really do feel bad for people with uh glasses that are kind of round because at any moment in time they're Harry Potter my wife says I'm difficult to buy presents for so I made her a handy flowchart present time is it Star Wars Lego yes success no is it Whiskey yes success I see this flowchart no I understand it is this a problem caution do not swallow uh probably more so than you'd think your bathrooms are disgusting I will tell Human Resources Human Resources cleans your bathrooms no they can hire a janitor why can't you clean it that's impossible why the bathrooms are disgusting that woman is really tiny find what doesn't belong in my garage all right hold on let's see mhm right uhhuh oh there it is that old can of Ortho ant stop that so out dated man you got to get a new one a tree fell on my fence making the best of it while I negotiate the repair nice beware of dog $1.2 billion metaverse horrified by report it only had 30 active users I heard a rumor somewhere that they spent like 12 to 15 billion on it I wonder if that's true if it is yeah the infamous OKC ring in my state I don't know why they thought this was a good idea yeah I I've seen this once before and I still can't wrap my head around it Robot vacuum instantly cleans 50 square m well okay it's not cleaning anything it's going to make a bigger mess oh hey it's the rotisserie chicken guy looks like his event was a success by the way proposed statue in my city no one can agree on what it's supposed to be or say no the most scariest ghost of them all had a great time tonight me too you free on Friday hey this strange sculpture has popped up in a few places around no no no I I remember this one yep yep we've already seen this one still weird Hey look it's Uncle Krampus that's really funny trying to get out of class nice try he can see you who is he ordered some vitamins and hair conditioner from Walgreens but but that's not what they sent I've never seen anything in my entire life labeled mation cream never seen that before where where do you live my competition uniform for band makes me look like shark boy that is very true my best friend's grandma made these before she passed away to give out at her funeral what an icon let's keep in touch that's great my nephew's son is due this week he bought a single pack of diapers should I tell him probably I found this aberration at at Walmart seriously a mollusk skeleton well I don't see anything wrong with this he has to have a skeleton right employees a snack will be provided for you today at the food court in appreciation for your hard work a banana ooh big spender inflation is so bad Blink 182 is now blink 282 damn it resale should be illegal I don't give a I'm so tired of this crap Dobby's grave won't be removed from a protected Welsh Beach but Harry Potter fans have been asked to stop leaving socks there someone dropped their sock Oh I thought it was part of the Dobby thing you know what who cares police robot told woman to go away after she tried to report a crime then sang a song so it's working exactly as intended my sister's spare tire they put on for her I feel like the donut needs to be a little bit bigger than that just a just a little bit so I've got a spider in my apartment spiders are actually good you just leave it alone wait really yeah they eat other pests so it's better to keep them around later I am all that stands between you and the roaches Joseph you chose wisely to preserve your alliance my friend how many pests did you have in that apartment is your name Joe the Journey of a th000 miles begins with a single step tomorrow FedEx stop playing around with this four times attempted delivery stuff I saw you drive up not get out of the van leave my cat food boxes by the porch there's a hungry animal who lives here genuinely don't understand it it's only FedEx that has ever done this to me signature or not at least 50% of the time I will watch the driver roll up and drive the off I don't understand hell I ordered a $1,500 microphone once and the dude didn't even enter my Fu neighborhood and said he tried to deliver it stupid sexy Flanders it's a stretch but I'll allow it did my apple watch catch me lats well yeah probably be honest of course it would meanwhile in Canada the swear jar the saying sorry unnecessarily jar get it cuz Canada no that is not what a tandem bike is supposed to look like how on Earth did you develop a mechanized warsuit while trying to build a tandem bike incompetence thanks WalMart delivery well time to get out the hammer I'd like to share some sculpture to the meeting in is it Bamberg bomberg Germany I don't know I call them the monks that's a fair name employee hos down coupon present this coupon to any CVS employee on your next visit they'll take you to the back room where you will be able to hose them for 20 minutes not bad on average people swallow about eight spiders a year well actually most people swallow zero but that guy eats like 40 spiders a day he's throwing the whole average off it's that time of year more presents fewer presents thanks Dad okay what is uh What uh huh National Park Service urges visitors not to lick toxic psychedelic toads they're going to do it anyway hello earthlings do not be afraid we come in peace I want to trust them but they used all periods oh I see is grammarly trying to get me fired I mean it it wouldn't surprise me none of that stuff would surprise me smeagle had too much last night Vancouver because yeah that's right that's right come at me Vancouver come at me dude also jeez what in the who names their dog this okay oh God Mr booty ham sandwich I love you dude I love you now hiring old position and shifts I know where they're going with this but we're going to abuse the lack of punctuation and assume no one is working here please stop on anyone to take a shift God the ice cream is melting no here we have paie having a rough day with the Pirates there're they mate and we can put the toilets here in the theme park you know just have typical giant signs of uh toilet figures you know I have a better idea okay the theme Park's a big place so you know we want to make it sure that the people can see where the toilets are at all times right so what you want like a giant toilet sign yes easy okay but make the letters look like a giant dashound taking a big giant pee all over the floor I'm what and not just a painting not a 2D image I want a 3D urination on the floor this is my commission I will pay you money to do this a battle for the ages dinosaur versus fluffy dinosaur hey hey look man I don't want any trouble okay you know you you knocked out my two friends oh I'm the only one left please you want to know what wiped out your kind yeah it was the meteor just mass extinction wrong it was me what kind of ashes are they using Welcome to our church we got a drive- through prayer and Ashes that's right we've turned religion into a fast food industry this is I have mixed feelings about this no no don't don't pay attention to our next door neighbor that's you know they they were here after we came you know so we had already established that we get our ashes from the orphanage you know it's completely different oh look at that a loose tooth put it under your pillow and the Tooth Fairy will come later that night sparkle Sparkle little child on the Glamorous Tooth Fairy as you rest those beady eyes let your thoughts wander into your dreams I'm going to just uh reach my hand under your head wait wait wait my wife isn't a fan what you what you said you wanted a portrait of him yes to put on community boards in case anyone's seen him because we've lost him Gerald yeah why's got the Sasquatch body because nobody's seen him I want a divorce my ears are going to Sasquatch that menu in Vietnam for fatty chicken welcome Wester which teases your palette chicken noodle soup chicken thighs fried chicken beef fried rice chicken rolls fat chicken pie chicken salad or would you like chicken legs burned we will burn you with them oh jeez well I I was hungry oh I'm sorry it was one of my words not translated properly for you no no no you didn't let me finish I was hungry now I'm starving my tax accountant has a flower vase full of beans you know it's the subtle things that make you theorize the insanity in oneself and in a way does this not make it a snack ball if there's a hole in it and I can reach my hand in and grab some food out from it then yeah it's a ball I mean really if you carve it out enough anything can be a ball I was going to work and I found my missing for skin oh that wow there it is it's a vehicle damn dude we get it you have a big ego about yourself I do just love though that someone decided to spend money on a personalized license plate to have it say this out of respect for full transparency we've decided to rename the dessert aisle the free diabetes medication which just also happens to be advertising but don't worry there's no shame here just look at those prices I mean that's that's actually a pretty good deal wow damn well it's Friday you know what that means I sure do see you Monday can't be held responsible for my choices if I wasn't functioning to begin with hooray foro po through literally dying this this is death I'm dead now presenting the newest fairy tale from Disney plus the normal girl and the slightly odd frog kiss me uh um will it turn you into a beautiful prince n this you'll hallucinate some crazy Schmid well I am a normal girl in this normal society so I will do anything to escape how big your girls ears get when you whisper to your boys about past relationships meanwhile all the partners out there who are into bunny girls hey babe hey babe come over here for a second yeah honey can you come here for a quick second if you could delete anything from the world what would it be it would be this apparently this is what they've chosen just fathom the absolute resentment for this existence that they would prioritize this over nuclear war or just even you know selfishness you know just any any trait of human it that really causes us to be in a suffering State no no no no none of that matters in comparison to this a prisoner of war riding a mullet Donald Trump meanwhile and yes someone out there would actually buy this you're a pet a as a golf head cover I mean assuming this isn't a Taxidermy why even beside that would you want a decapitated version of your pet I love my kids that's why instead of just a photo of them in my office I wear stuffed heads on my necklace what do you mean that's uncomfortable Are you ashamed of my love for my children if I didn't accidentally send them to a taxidi instead of the Builder Bear Workshop they'd be very upset with you hello Craig is this working no and this is why construction work takes weeks you either die an artist or you live long enough to see yourself start taking hentai commissions all right robertt that'll be $50 went on a holiday with my sister and her husband let's just say I was a bit of a third wheel okay I've seen this movie and in at the middle guy and the wife are constantly suspiciously hooking up so like I I don't know if you really want to relate yourself to this image but hey maybe that's what you're trying to imply I'm no making any assumptions for some reason my great great grandmother's nursing home was visited by Playboy bunnies in the80s she in the red was clearly having none of it actually was looking at the comments on this post and turns out there was actually a Playboy club right across the road so that was kind of one of the incentives for them to stop by I don't know what to think of this come on by and get some ice cream police what no we're just goinging around trying to sell you some ice cream okay I'll buy some ice cream so you do want to buy elicit substances huh what no it's ice cream it sure is Buddy this I'm not comfortable with this good cop bad cop routine yeah this is not an effective business strategy I'll admit I'm going to leak that surprise post credit scene on a tick tock look out oh that was close I know that car was way too small what I've suddenly returned from the dead to say nice job thanks Jesus it's not manslaughter if it's in the Name of Christ oh no it is here we have our good old mate enus learning how to drive oh look he's on his green peas his big green pee less than a year left till he has his fully open before that it was like an entire year of it being just big and red I love this because all I've said makes no sense unless you're austr ion just to clarify in case I'm not making sense I am talking about his schlong that is absolutely the focal point of this image his big green P Thomas Edison comes up with the idea for the light bulb huzzah something to symbolize having an idea that doesn't momentarily begin to drip hot wax onto your face finally I'll no longer suffer from my int no out in my eye oh the wax is in my ey live by the street die by the street the these batteries don't make me very confident try a new product that's based on chemical reactions that can cause possible explosions but don't worry these will never happen otherwise my name is burto I mean well it is anyway bye girl freshman bring seven meals prove your worth and successfully manipulate seven households to feed you H what kind of pastry dessert do I feel like M miman yummy wow dude this is definitely the darkest Batman yeah the movie hasn't started yet yeah and it's a dark grade so shut up Elon Musk eats potato spiral in the weirdest way and everyone is comparing his technique to an alien monster oh dear heavenly father oh me I'm going to expose myself here not like that but I thought that is this is this not how you're meant to eat the top part what no oh all those years I've gone to events where they had potato smiles and I ate them like this in public and no one told me about otherwise not one word was said freak my life I've been around residence all day and no one said nothing hey man when you're wearing tummy Hill figure it makes sense You' want to show it off especially when you you tuck it into your shirt this is why you put on your shirts after your underwear people cool Prius a quote famously said by nobody why are they so mad about nothing nothing means not anything no single thing not a thing nil zero note zil Nicks not a Dicky bird D all not a sausage sweet Fanny Adams zip NADA bup kiss not not and then the Australian dialogue with a bit of British in the middle there too because we care about you guys almost had a heart attack at the doctor's office okay but why in a doctor's office I mean there are places you'd have these at a doctor's office okay Welcome to our home oh hell make your black pits of human suffering welcoming for any guests that's funny because you know technically this alien pretty much just you know in his mouth if you think about the logic here everything you can imagine is real this isn't good for my anxiety Pablo okay does this make a schizophrenic feel better or worse knowing that their imagination is actually legit I was wondering why my delivery had already been opened until I saw how the two cushions were packaged you know we say we want to make better with the environment stop with unnecessary waste but could you feel comfortable with your packages being delivered like this I know we buy weird stuff on the internet are you comfortable with it just being out in the open like this at Pizza Ranch is this dish served here fermented cucumbers what the freak of that is there an option for I don't want to know the cat is not pleased he's been replaced oh how adorable you've now decided to grow me my food women of Florida find shotgun plunger in a thrift store how does look I want to buy it just to know how it works and syn Crown py allow me to express my opinion here while quoting a famous song Bye by bye teacher draw a triangle now prove it is a triangle me look at it does it look like something else I cannot apply critical thinking but it is basic Common Sense Miss Australian Capital territory teacher quality Institute misspells quality on cards again this is the Institute of Australian education that is all about ensuring quality education as someone who's been through this education system I am not surprised it's important to stay safe online which is why I use bpn sponsor a lightsaber it allows me to out dude again soft and let just put a little tag on that you saving money because we've lost part of it one man's emergency is another man's savings look at the size of this banana I don't I can't tell the size here guys I need a banana for scale thank you that is a very big banana warning do not pee egg snippy snippy also warning do not pee egg snippy snippy this is why sometimes it's better off to just learn the language of the country you visit no stop look what this dumb cat does to our couch oh it's a natural impulse just get him a post or something to scratch on oh I'll give him something to scratch on odd shaped stuffed animal at local thrift store what do you mean got a unicorn bear bear a little dog little frogy got a bear got a mouse oh oh oh I see it it's the brighter colored one there that Rainbow Dash pony at the bottom ah disgusting someone sold one of their furry dolls Oh that's clearly what this image is referencing sitting in a waiting room and some butth holes keep staring at me hey just look a f take a picture than snap okay now wait this needs to be debated technically they lost their clothes as well cuz they were wearing their clothes if someone was wearing a wig would that wig disappear as well bathroom instructions or social commentary if your friend is defecating while trying to get over a breakup do not enter the bathroom to console them it's embarrassing enough for them already that they've got slight diarrhea you don't need to be there go sh unused educational supplies oh gee that's maybe they shouldn't be unused but this dude is glaring at my butt time to switch to a commercial hey there drink a Coke Yum Yum Yum slurpy slurp kaching kaching kinging yeah perfect together welcome to Taco Bell please enjoy your meal in our private dining area that's the way to the restrooms a private dining area height of an obtuse triangle I am being hello all triangles are 15 in right according to two sauces two and what are those sauces um barbecue andato the Cur KY platina signature wine with 2300 hours of sunlight a year these grapes have absorbed more Sun than an office worker in a lifetime in the defense of office workers grapes don't get skin cancer yes they still have it in stock ah the botron 2000 Raccoon repellent maybe this will finally be a raccoon free Christmas excuse me sir my son's been asking for one of those all year little fellow wants to be an exterminator so if you could find it in your heart of course your son can have it oh what oh oh I get it no I understand those nasty little raccoons got him again this packaging for walnuts at a German Supermarket but that's not funny that's just cute what what is this doing here that's just fun pack packaging and great design my birthday cake this year that's actually kind of cool I have never seen a birthday cake with kiwi and pineapple though I like kiwi I like pineapple I like me some strawberries blackberries and raspberries what the hell is this cake Catholic converter oh there uh I don't know about that one though I don't think that's what it's supposed to be called Welcome before spending eternity in the afterlife you can choose one day of your life and live it again what time of your life do you want to come back to how is this funny I don't understand how is this funny it's it's it's good it's accurate sure but what the circle is complete oh yeah I've seen this going around lately it is really weird I do have to say very very odd is that a camera hey who wants to drink some of Frosty's special hot cocoa Frosty why is your hot coco goo clear is it just water again you lying sack of sh Turtles where do you disappear to all winter we go to sleep nobody can sleep for that long what do you think we do go out and fight crime fine fine don't tell me then I'm telling you guys she has no idea it's cute I'm not trying to be a a Critic of Reddit memes these days but dude sometimes a little bit of pessimism is needed went by this site on an Amtrak train turned to my husband and started singing The Simpsons and he looked at me like I was crazy serious question is this grounds for divorce eh I I'm staying out of this one a wise doctor once wrote you just triggered my figh ORF flight response but I'm a flightless bird oh sh damn this dude spent 2 years on making this Minecraft city map that's impressive I don't even have Focus to finish this cartoon all righty then that's true you did not Joan Crawford on entertaining at home the best parties are a wild mixture of people take some Corporation presidents add a few lovely young actresses a bearded painter you're visiting friends from Brussels a politician a hairdresser and then toss them all together it's especially important to have all age groups of course I wouldn't want to have hippies come crawling in with unwashed feet but all the younger people I know are bright and attractive and have something to say and they dress like human beings another important part secret as I always add a splash of vodka to everything nobody's ever noticed and everyone ends up having a wonderful time that is funny guys I just heard the CEO was disguised as one of us to stop us from forming a union but which one of us greedy bums could be the CEO I wonder man that's a cool hoodie it's cold out here oh you poor thing oh that should warm you right up friend ye what do you have there little brain oh it's the important thing I was supposed to do yesterday oh God no wow the world record for a one by one Rubik's Cube 9 Minutes come on oh it's The Missle toad get over here and give me a nice wet liquor kiss that fly seems very annoying oh imagine my surprise I mean I've known the guy my whole life get it hey get out of here we don't know you this is our home you don't live here hey kick rocks guy thank you thank you so much oh that poor mailman video game logic ah here we go yes hey that red scarf is uh nice You Wear It Well Andrew I haven't seen you since high school oh hey how's life did you become an architect like you wanted yeah sure oh no my life consists in drawing Doodles on Reddit and collecting imaginary points in the hope that someone somewhere blows air out of their nose with yeah don't worry friend we have we blow air out of our nose all the time for you getting lucky tonight hi I'm Bob Shelly oh what no I'm sorry this is weird H uh the fourth little pig's house was made of wolf skulls they aren't very sturdy but they sure do send a message I bet he thinks twice before huffing and a puffing dis tracks were Savage in the 1700s my Mill grinds pepper and Spice your Mill grinds rats and mice ooh Get Wrecked dude our dog whose tongue always sticks out in a blanket with holes that tongue is versatile I must say it's just going straight out the other direction oh man it's raining oh no oh no anyway I am 34 years old oh God doing something like that would be kind of dangerous what if you can't get yourself back out man you're a fraud you know that and an impostor people are going to realize you suck at this at everything you think I'm talented enough to fool people oh my god oh 380 million years ago I must keep on evolving 445 million years ago I think I'm already perfect yeah still perfect what a beautiful day not a cloud in the sky ah what a beautiful day not a person on the ground rain is better it's I'm sorry it's the best weather could you please let me in please Thanksgiving preparedness right oh that would piss me off that is gross as hell and if I went to get a 5-hour Energy out of the fridge and it's peanut butter whiskey I'm going to find someone and deck them one turns out I married a psychopath all right just buy the Spoonful no no baby on board I pull out not the most effective method but it seems to have worked for you so far go feed the turkeys will you purple bag sure thing got to have y'all nice and plump for Thanksgiving hey Dad have you seen my protein it's in a purple bag purple bag good God ah yes R1 D1 huh what's that little guy doing out there are you lost young Droid are you hurry R2 we're dying in here hang on I'm almost oh well they're screwed I guess B diesel Dwayne Johnson fast and curious over 70 minutes of sexual tension every year my friends and I do a themed No Shave November picture all right let's see what you got all right okay okay I like the fireman photo the 300 On's a little past its prime but still good oh yeah this year's is great you guys are just rocking it aren't you I love it Happy Thanksgiving you sick bastard does he like skiing or are we among royalty oh shoot the IBS King don't have a cup holder in your vehicle no problem here's the solution for you a cinder block you know I've seen Dumber Ways of doing this this is fine I see a lot of graffiti in the city mostly illegible tags but for some reason this one speaks to me you know that one speaks to me too I'm liking it it's simple yet says so much sensible Christmas tree with a toddler in the house the struggle is pretty real that's a that's sensible how's that toddler not going to be able to knock it over that much easier and you afraid the toddler's going to climb the I don't see how this is never mind I don't give a sh this is the best real life ad for sunglasses oh yeah it sure is isn't it where can I not get one of these Thanksgiving a tragic story oh oh why wow great job on the tree thanks Mom it's almost done I'm not decorating the side that only the wall is going to see Jesus got this letter from Zoe while deployed she gets it dear United States veteran hey that's what my handwriting still looks like hello I'm Zoe from Stuart Florida I wrote my letter to you because my uncle served in the Air Force and thankfully came back safe and flew helicopters for a while but enough about my life the reason I chose the Air Force out of all the other branches is because what you do is very dangerous unlike the Army where if you get shot Medics coming to help you but if you're plane gets damaged you know you're done for thank you for protecting us Jesus Zoe probiotics antibiotics I bet you one runner up at the Halloween contest dear sailor thank you for defending our freedom and Country I appreciate you wasting your time to save us good on you Lance forget winter this squirrel in my backyard's getting ready for the Ice Age yeah they do tend to do that they got to get ready man you know they got to take what we call Fat naps is it a bird is it a plane it's a bird in a plane needlessly contributing to air pollution you bird you know I can get behind that screw this bird man press button for ma service if there is no answer do it yourself oh I get it turned on my old Razer and this is the error it gives me before spontaneously shutting down again um well what oh what's going on here ah yes of course this explains why all those cats disappear from the pound and babies turn up instead you can't be upset it's called a baby changing station that it's it's in the title it isn't a nappy changing station that's on you for assuming wrong a reminder on the inside of my pants be careful you've only got one I've got one of many things I've got one nose One Life what is this zipper capable of Captain's use only lift in case of emergency bort is on the left starboard's on the right they've had to issue this ever since the Titanic oopsie oh what's wrong I just deleted everything on the company server that's a bit more than an oopsie you're right Oopsy Daisy the wife's addition to our automatic cat feeder oh Lord he coming receipt I found outside my dining hall God damn someone is they must be level 99 stamina a little note for the next owners I don't see why you would need to renovate this kitchen again but okay I guess April 23rd 2023 got a new Parrot and it reminded me of a certain Spider-Man villain of course conflicting Production Studios I see it so clearly Penelope Cruz uh um I I don't I don't know if she thinks that herself what most people buy at Costco toilet paper roast chicken laundry detergent what I buy cat litter some white wine pain pills cuz body hurts from no outside who you going to call Goat spotter after finally building up the courage to call that place they didn't pick up just call them back the motivation is gone I am defeated a new piece of local artwork at a nearby pizza joint from an artist unknown we call this fragile masculinity if you open a milk please date what if the milk isn't emotionally in a place to date hey who gave the milk a pen ah planet druidia and 10,000 years of fresh air I didn't need to Google this reference at all nope I'm I'm hip I'm crack a dooodle chill wasow snap bro Fleek Whip It author asks why his book called No More plastic was wrapped in plastic can't say this is irony because well plastic isn't made from Iron so funny cat inkjet printer what do they have in common Moody spent a lot of time self-cleaning unreliable demand feeding when container is full ignore requests that confirms that they are exactly the same thing welcome to the public live library with books of all kinds you can read stuff you love and are already good at further support your own confirmation bias on everything around the world by not actually trying to read anything new or challenging maybe even learn how to end a comic good with a heavy emphasis on the maybe every doctor needs bowling pins and a pump shotgun no no no it makes sense as a a medical playet yeah some doctors are also vets okay Sally you pretend you're a horse and you just broke your leg as a combat wounded veteran you are awarded your own unique license plate what would you like like to have it called I'd like it to say the words I said on the [Music] battlefield o very well sir wipe my what oh oh wipe your PWS pause swipe your paws job application drug question please check the category that best describes your current use of heavy butt controlled I'm basically shooting at every hour of the day but don't worry I'm in control of that recreational use only a very light use less than three or four times a year what are you a politician trying to keep it under wraps or do not use my manager doesn't know how to use quotation marks happy Mother's Day I wonder what their relationship to their mother is like radio bread I'm a creep I'm a weirdo what am I doing here I don't not belong here I found this dried dead frog in my AC unit first all hello my baby hello my honey hello my rag time girl that's so funny when you also think about the fact that it died there starving not able to move or escape the internet before hey everybody I'm a huge a-hole and there's nothing you can do about it yeah man right on oh hey me too this is what's wrong with the Internet give any normal person anonymity and there's nothing stopping them from being a massive a-hall the internet now hey everybody I'm a huge a-hall and this is my real name and face yeah man right on hey me too H Americans caught trying to smuggle suitcases full of fruit rollups into Israel you are finding the weirdest ways to make quick cash just post your butt and a lot of Instagram piics and you're basically going to get invited to Saudi Arabia and they say romance is dead my dearest love she you was fine decided to watch a movie in the living room Sage goddess naked women freaking Moonstar x-rated Christmas music adult movies sgtv oh there it is and just like that you know it's not the father looking the stuff up it's the sun one of those nights sad horny click my wife just got a new watch she saw an innocent three I saw something a lot more not safe for work no no way well thank goodness those watches you can change the face of them so oh that's relieving T-Mobile coverage map screw Nebraska I mean you got to find that insulting when they all go for Florida but not you happy Mother's Day because of you she pees when she coughs by her flowers I God damn it it's effective let's do a drone light show over an uncontacted tribe and become their gods yeah because you know we all respect our God so they'll definitely do the same as humans we used to be a proper country only one truck driver per shower what what is the space not big enough for them they're just trying to save you on your water bill oh my God okay also I just noticed that there's three shower heads what four five showerheads how dirty do you get sitting in a truck apparently the designer has an issue with folks aged 35 to 44 28-day workout challenge according to age yeah right yeah getting fit getting fit but if you're this old you're a fatty you're the big cup no yuck disgusting 55 plus of course that's shredded a lean perfect jaw face looking like a 21-year-old as we all know 55-year-olds look like my girlfriend attempted to use Siri to add olive oil to our shopping list bunny added hey freak this hey Siri cancelled to shopping list you go ahead and ask someone at the grocer for that product saw the perfect bumper sticker while on the McDonald's drive-thru just now can I get a cheeseburger one of us tells the truth the other tells lies will you find the correct link or a website for pills that increase your dong size why researching before writing is so important his skin was the color of just pressed olive oil oh right so it's an erotica about Shrek no it's sh this is his swamp I went to a New Year's Eve party and had a champagne toast what did you do at midnight hubby and I spent it in bed nice no no no sleeping we passed out before 11: Oh no the six-year-old's teacher called them in for an emergency meeting due to his drawing of a family vacation snorkeling oh no oh no just a happy kid hanging out with his family on holidays literally with the hanging bit I guess oh no you guys have any idea what the code could be not sure but my hunch is something to do with the move a night can make in chess my grandparents have been refilling the same container since before I was born I'm 24 hey look if it ain't broke don't fix it for Barbara who was awful when hungry but otherwise pretty solid I love how despite this you still can't tell what barber is is she a human is she a cat uness me with words oh uh you have a spider in your bra we'll start you off today on the grill just like SpongeBob just like SpongeBob just like SpongeBob poop uh-oh Marge Simpson spotted in my neighborhood today and she hasn't left she keeps staring at me I've called police they won't take me seriously please help when ads start hey what are you doing uh nothing I finally found where grandmas get their Stash from yet still even with that cheap price I'd rather get it from grandr the current state of home ownership in the USA open house one B tiny house under 100K picked my brother up from LAX today welcome home bro mom says we have to stop breastfeeding Ah that's a good brother bringing you public shame but not leaving you alone in it do you think we can ever experience love like that sure we have everything the humans have intelligence awareness glands so why not why shouldn't Birds be able to experience the most Sublime of emotions so you and I are good friends yes friend's daughter made an application for a summer job mowing the lawn my name p happy here's my head shot apparently you need that for a job application why do you want this job I want it for money what will you start off as a rookie my good features will not crash we'll do a decent job I'm polite we work most shifts oh oh okay losing points there we'll prep yard beforehand bad features see I'm humble I'm I can accept my humility might miss a spot or two when starting off I love that you can tell that was the parents writing just to correct that we'll get bored after a while hey she's human also a child might almost crash not guarant guaranteed how much will I charge $5 G job $10 decent job $15 really good job $20 outstanding job okay but who like measures will you accept yes or I burn your house down those are the two options so I hear you're feeling better now yeah it's wild my dating life is going great I'm engaging my hobbies I'm generally less depressed now my meds have kicked in that's fantastic how do you feel about this positive change of pace freaking suspicious I'm kind of sad oh oh I know buy another sweater online I don't really think that's the issue no I promise it'll fix everything later well this isn't worse sometimes I just want to forget my troubles oh you should use this Talisman of forgetfulness intriguing how does it work how does what work I'm the maner now you made a grave mistake being tardy on your shift today b as the manager I demand free chips for me I think my local theater is a little confused are you there God it's a me Mario hey they're trying okay give him props for that when I grow up we'll have flying cars jetpacks robot Butlers meanwhile grown up you're just a thermometer why do you need to verify my email Monty Python IRL did protest in London really carry signs that read down with this sort of thing yes yes they did hell yeah they saw the opportunity and they took it down with this sort of thing yeah I'm here because I like to feel included boyfriend made us a kissing booth we are both 6'3 uh I don't think it will work with the whole being waste height I think you're in for a glorious surprise this gold medal is for the first place winner second place shall receive this medal which is also gold but third place third place we can take it from here Midas yeah okay I'm not a chronologist but I think I may be late for everything quick you better get up before the train leaves in 12 Marbeck squared by the root of three saw this in London today no we are not changing our name but you you simply have to because I I genuinely can't think of even a joke for why they should and any idea what to expect here look if people working at Subway can be called sandwich artists I think it's only fair that janitors get to make their own fancy titles too any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from Magic wow that yeah okay that H wow that is an impressive little adaptation of old to new technology I got to say Bravo to you sir you're definitely going to monetize on all those people who copy bothered selling their old cars my wife is a nurse and this is her lunchbox human or for transplant please encourage her to have a really rare steak for lunch neighbor bought a new truck but didn't measure twice o tracking and watching in Houston we're tracking Saturday and Sunday storms tracking the increased humidity and watching wet mom's day okay who did this and who is Carl I heart Carl's mom hi Jimmy's Mom it's me Carl my wife agreed to this well your wife's a g but that's a little freaky my friend saw this at the doctor's office no phone usage at any time during the appointment scan the QR code below for our new patient portal what do you want me to do guys why is this on funny dad's 87 and had to come help and I find this and not him is this prepped for you or is there a ghost work in there the no par King no par oh this is just don't dead open Inside Man apparently I need at least one year of autism to qualify for this job uh I got a lot of years of it but I've never seen that before what the hell what a relaxing new hobby I found turn it into a side hustle can I just enjoy it no make your passion your passive income monetize your free time Kevin stupid scarves $20 or whatever I kind of agree with the demon in this particular case because I really want one of Kevin's stupid scarves I tried to take a picture of myself but apparently looked at the phone Midway through no freaking way I have never seen anything like that happen before hey check it out this Adventurer was loaded 300 potions and a wand of lightning he probably should have used some of these yeah it's pretty embarrassing was waiting for the Boss shut up you may approach the Lizard King that's not the Lizard King The Lizard King is the guy from The Office Robert California is that his name freak has not won an Oscar has won an Oscar look Harrison Ford's been nominated okay but we know the academy is just a bunch of I mean come on Angela Basset didn't win her Oscar and while I love Jam Lee Curtis I'd say Miss Basset did a better job overall but unfortunately she was in a Marvel movie and you know how the academy doesn't respect Oscar bait you know but hey I'm proud of key and I'm super proud of my boy Brendan Fraser today while taking my puppy to the bathroom I stumbled upon two upward standing poops is this normal did someone stand these up like this or did it just perfectly land vertically please someone explain this phenomenon to me and my wife I don't want to found Arabic Vin Diesel bin diesel beIN diesel that dude damn okay raise your hand if Netflix canceled your favorite show Netflix is the new cable Netflix is a bunch of Jack wagons dude my Nintendo profile shows me in the Canadian region of not Quebec I mean that's that's true though isn't it it's technically true stop right there you're in need of arrest stick him in the cell you're free to leave thanks I needed that prison Humanity's gone too far it's time for Jesus to return yeah that's some vile why are you doing this on the toilet people falling into the water because they think this is a gravel road oh that's totally super safe and normal this is the sign my gim puts up when janitors are cleaning the women's locker room Danger Man inside only men can be janitors found if you lost a w of 20s wrapped in a rubber band I found your rubber band run shadowfax show us the meaning of haste oh hey it's him he's still perfect God how is Dutch even a real language I couldn't tell you man Finnish was hard enough to try and wrap my head around $400 plus doll order for the place I work we can't send them back why not they exclusively did not give you what you paid for every holiday I get a card from my boyfriend's Nan it's a supposed to say to Jazz but I feel insulted yo gay my daughter just sent me this from school they're very talented everybody got that one coworker oh wait hold on let's see this is George nobody knows what he does around here I fill out a time card and collect a paycheck don't this up for me my Italian girlfriend just broke up with me is this your revenge cuz that's up the Exotic section of a grocery store in Finland ah here we go let's take take a look all right I I'm really interested in this one because after going to Finland yeah their exotic sections suck although everything here actually feels like something I would see in an American grocery store that's not what our Pop-Tarts look like the box is a little different you know it's funny one of the American Style frozen food brands over there it doesn't come from the US at all like legit it comes from like the UK so it's actually quite disconnected from our crappy food but you know what it did remind me of home also damn cheesecake mix I don't know the grocery store in pory where I was definitely did not have very many true American options average penis length has grown in 30 years doctors call it concerning why would it be concerning I wonder I'm actually kind of curious about this idea after telling my wife about the penny trick to tell me how much TR tread is left I asked her to send me a picture of it and she sent me this I know what the penny trick is and I'm not going to lie if I ever have to do this exact thing I'm going to do this just to freak that person out that she's a genius any guesses on what animal my 5-year-old Drew oh uh shoot I got freaking nothing ordered from Uber Eats how could they be so vulgar definitely going to complain damn it come on how did you what you better not actually be reporting or complaining about that that's funny as either the person who made this elevator can't count or there are more unlucky numbers than I thought oh my god let's see we start at g 2 3 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 15 16 17 18 19 20 okay okay so we're just my son got a Sonic the Hedgehog set of clothes here's the only pick I could get he's fast though tires in all shapes and sizes okay not shapes the perfect woman lives in Maine it's the mil mobile let's see Team Satan this vehicle makes sudden stops at your mom's house condoms prevent mini b mini banss mini vans H hella kids up in this bit honk if one falls out at an ice cream shop in Minnesota cake waffle Sugar Pine I want to see them use the pine cone someone really wants me to watch Shrek well then watch it give me your money or else money yes money sir I'm an artist oh hey would you like some bread too yes please new renders of Saudi Arabia's giant Cube skyscraper what now someone needs to explain this one my wife sleeps like this honestly as a kid for a little while I was doing the same thing just putting the blanket completely over me I don't know why I think it was to block out the light or something very cozy parkour just take your time to snitch or not to snitch are you tired of stepping in other people's dog poo send me a picture of the tenant in their dog to get 50 bucks off r rent 50 bucks off every month right my wife accidentally used the wrong soap in the washer oh my God what's the protocol for this what do you do have to scoop it all out Brendan Fraser and his sons or secret king of a vampire Dynasty Moonlighting as an actor yeah his kids are definitely Kick-Ass vampires like like the cool vampires right and Brendan you go dude and I'll need everyone back working in person for reasons that are definitely not just that we spent a lot of money on a fancy office and now look like idiots my friend and I spoke about his lights he said he liked the blue color I don't think he knows knows what all very admirable careers wait a second when I grow up I want to be a man a construction worker a firefighter a painter a vet a Candlestick maker a princess a tooth fairy a dentist I want to be a fire truck if you're designing a fictional island now is a great time of year to take some photos in a grocery store parking lot that is genius why is this an r/f funny my outdoor stray cats look like my indoor house cats standin I love them all don't let them out they might go join ThunderClan need work we'll do anything except gay stuff oh come on that's what's paying my father's sixth attempt to outsmart his geriatric cat into taking her bp meds damn you are going the extra mile why isn't the media covering this what are you talking about that new newspaper is the media covering it yeah but you won't see the mainstream media talking about it this is the New York Times well nobody told me that they want their favorite mainstream media teen fashion in the 9s you know this is starting to come back now right you you know we're due for this to come back around right hey yo I got a 4our ad I would watch a little bit to see where this little anime goes no really I'm super curious I remember for a little while I think it like Universal or something ran one of their entire movies as an ad so you could just watch it I thought it was weird but super fun what would happen if dinosaurs are ever cloned in the future H I think we've seen a lot of movies that would sort of explain what would happen actors kissing their Oscar oh oh oh God that was probably one of the most uncomfortable things in the world first bubble bath in nearly 35 years I think I did something wrong no what what did you do that's wrong here now that is a bubble bath thinking of buying a a new car to impress the ladies I don't think that's going to be the way to the L's heart anymore my Lumberjack brother-in-law first time in Finland making an icehole duh why is it a square and what's up with all the finished stuff that's being put in here huh what's going on not many of my friends here in Sweden got why I was laughing it's the tin t it's the Tin Tin Tin found in a tiny w Wait found a tiny wooden in an elevator at work oh literally I'm not normally one for conspiracy y theories but this is pretty compelling Marissa to it's on me Mario she's Mario oh dude this blows everything wide open man Allison and Craig 2013 together forever Allison and Craig 2014 he's my true Noble here Allison and Nathan 2015 Allison single 2016 you just wait Nathan I'm going to write an album 11 years later and you'll be sorry but Dylan came and saved me in 2017 never mind he next single 2018 single 2019 you know what I think I've truly found myself I don't need no M Allison and Joe 2020 forever right babe Alis some single 2021 oh isn't he just the cutest how long do we have to look at it a bear quick play dead oh God you killed him what no I I I didn't even touch him oh really and who do you think the cops are going to believe between the two of us please I don't want any trouble then maybe you should just walk away and pretend we never saw each other understand I I understand meanwhile in an alternate universe to improve illiteracy more stricter measures are enforced I'm sorry number 12 that is incorrect release the bees oh there's the a he was missing awkwardly photob bombing my dad's wedding photo I'm I'm sorry no who was your photographer who's the main subject of this image the wall either Center it on you or I don't know maybe the couple getting married I do love though how it looks like he's getting third wheeled by his parents you've unlocked a new socially awkward experience taught my dog to boot back it would be cute I thought no that's not a Boop that's a drill that's an excavation into your nostril but I guess you now knows how to teach him to do it better next time that was terrible but I don't care care well done Charlie for passing my trials you inherit the Chocolate Factory police freeze is this your place you're wanted for the wrongful death of several contest winners oh don't look at me officers the kid owns everything I'll candy again Charlie you can't stop me I'll candy again ah that was a fun Halloween season H I guess it's time to start thinking about Thanksgiving excuse me sir do you you have a moment to talk about Christmas repeat after me no Christmas until after Thanksgiving son if you can't say something nice say something clever but devastating time for M morning toast ah crap elderly coupl goals drink till you want me I can't drink that much by joking about falling out of love with you I can tolerate it yeah healthy couple welcome Amigo to the afterlife have a seat there please review your time on Earth Earth one star waking up is hard tasty food makes you fat mosquitoes this teacher projects his face during exams okay is this teacher me it's me this is by far the best waste of school resources I've ever seen tried making a Frog cake for my boyfriend I think he's going to leave me oh don't talk yourself sound like that sweetie I'm sure it looks aaz quick disguise it with some heartfelt words and their pain no that yes okay it's heartfelt but not in the right way well that was fun but it's time to get depressingly Charlie being a girl and being Tall part four looking ahead Rock RPS okay lesson learned look down there good I can see the Rocks I'm not going to hit my face into them how does an insect walk on the water hair on its legs trap air I found my answer on page 24 now what is one new thing you learned about water animals or plants write a sentence give as many details as you can I learned nothing I knew everything in this quiz the thing in these are easy I am good at this yeah hot damn I agree teacher give them a star they they're going places new thing thank you for trying me out ouch it's okay you'll get it if you keep trying yeah hello things I was not instantly good at all right got my tickets now to check out rental cars allow me Google it's a little invasive when you compile my online activity and input my credit card data like that very well I'll delete it and you can input it all manually Wait no that's what I thought dist tracks were Savage in the 1700s M grinds pepper and spice yum meal grinds rats and mice happy Halloween no no no how how does this work what I I hate the effort you went through this I like I have no motivation to try and make something because it just it won't compare I've seen it all now it's that police officer's lucky day he finally did it he achieved The Impossible he caught a van going slightly over the speed limit officer Johnson was never a corrupt cop at least not until a 12pack of glaze was offered right in front of him one star attack Santo the entire kitchen and weight staff saw an ice cream Chuck and ran outside leaving me alone in the restaurant 10 minutes later they all came back with ice cream cones I still can't believe this actually happened look yeah it's not very professional but also ice cream truck what I need is some human interaction that should do it for a while having trust issues sake divided by two but in Brackets 2 + 1 is 1 similar L 6 / 2 in Brackets 2 + 1 closing brackets is nine correct me if I'm wrong but isn't it meant to be multiplication first over division makes sense why the scientific calculator would be more well correct being a girl and being tall rewind to part two cool store oh my God that jacket is so fly I'mma try it on it fits it fits it fart it it fits I need 2 days off in a row to continue working here it took me 177 years to get 2 days off in a row I'm sorry you put up with that but that's what I need if everyone requested this it would be a good job I know they said kitchen remodelings are hard I've done it in an afternoon how pathetic of them look at my masterpiece as you can see it's perfect today's video is sponsored by fat squirrel squirrel is fat squirrel chunky chunky squirrel not not squirrel fat chunky yum yum cutie pie thank you fat squirrel for sponsoring this video life opportunity me I'll take a toall glass of that please my anxiety no you don't and my overthinking so here's a picture of my mayor dressed up as Kakashi for Halloween oh God it's finally come to the surface anime is now officially a part of our political Spectrum my political candidate has the social Charisma of a Naruto the tolerance of a new and if allowed to lead will clearly give our society a thousand years of pain I can't find the movie on any streaming services in my country why don't you just use Torrance instead did you just change the font and panel to to make it seem that someone edited your comic uh I just want people to think my comic is popular and it has become some kind of meme pathetic okay you did not like the new announcement how about this one let's be truthful we will try and make it equally as addicting it's pitch blackout what time is it is it midnight it feels like midnight it's 5:2 7 p.m. I'm planning to move out but some things are just hard to throw away what is it weights because I mean yeah they're pretty hard to throw away oh God damn it it's equally as corny and stupid I hate you I hate you don't encourage my stupid puns November 2021 the calendar on the 1 insane people start listening to Christmas music from the 2 to the 6th put off all responsibilities until after the holidays 7th and eighth act like it's your first daylight savings time ever 9th to 12th complain about how it gets dark so early mid November just basically go back to putting off all your responsibilities again on the 24th get blind drunk with your high school friends 25th to the 30th try not to murder your family with a little sprinkling of regular people starting to listen to Christmas music have you ever had to ask the clerk at the hardware store for one of these presenting something that exists that you thought only existed in one variation of itself a literal bullcock shank nutbag back in the day someone thought this was a great place for this sign the manager came out of the office and got ticked off with me for taking a picture you have arrived home oh what's that underneath it oh it's the trash Oh we just met and I already forgot his name I wish my brain was better at remembering hey Kim remember that time when you called your first grade teacher mom you don't I do hey Tommy harlson the incredible contortionist who never sings and dances got your new license plate today I see looking good looking looking very good what is this cat trying to say I'm telling you he could have just killed Simba right then and there as he was sad about his father why did he tell him to run away he was right there imagine you were at someone's funeral and suddenly look down and see this Michael are you smuggling snakes into the wedding again no don't know what you're talking about being a tall and being Girl part one Hi how are you I'm looking for some sneakers sure honey which size uh 42 US men's 10 oh that for your boyfriend um let me show you the most popular ones oh you love these everyone does please take two or three each or all of it I'm a sign not a cop stay alive the game the ultimate game of waking up every goddamn day and doing the same stuff over and over and over Freak Me One wake up two go to work or don't three bedtime again fun for everyone without any further aspirations in life wow I've been granted super strength warning radioactive protein powder crunch awesome too bad I don't have super invincibility the pain is immeasurable my wife said I'm going as Bell get the matching costume I didn't understand the assignment I disagree sir you are the perfect partner I wish I were taller all right got you fre yeah I don't understand the need to make children dress up as something edible they're delicious as is can you hold on to this thought for me I'll be right back W 30 seconds later hey I'm back Happy Thanksgiving let's say what we're most thankful for turkey I was going to say you and you the provider of turkey feeling stressed overwhelmed unsure of where to turn take notice relief is just 2 weeks away well if you're hoping for high turnover that's that's an effective measure oh hello there sassy I'd be inclined to join you but it seems your hands already full with some trash Panda nice work give me 20 bucks and I'll share it on my platform your platform is a tower of other people's work uh-huh and for 20 bucks you could be on the top Bob I need you to work on this by the way I'm the manager but I'm already overloaded no you're not work yep I'm going just put this right here you just need to plan your time better yep nothing to do with me as the manager seems safe enough what could go wrong easy set mouse trap reach in to find more traps no I'm good I'd rather just trust your Effectiveness as a product thank you perhaps I'm just perverted but that guy looks like he's banging a [Laughter] mannequin true Arco cast won't cost you an arm and a leg just your public dignity get on you for willing to pay that price mannequin fricker my name's Michael it's mannequin fricker now meanwhile in a fairy tale far far away so it's true I heard the rumor of a princess in Eternal Slumber just waiting for a prince H you're cold I like that consensual Noble holy SM you're alive got to go

Channel: EmKay

Views: 1,495,401

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, compilation, funny

Id: Uo8PEyrYLCw

Length: 151min 38sec (9098 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 05 2023