STRAIGHT TO HELL FOR US | Cards Against Humanity

we drop black cards right no black cards are the premise cards we draw 7-7 whoa there's so many cars in this thing leave leave them alone whoa you have like a hand the hell oh they also pop up at the bottom of the screen okay those are the same cab how do you dress group them all together like make them like one pile grouped like you drag a box around them and then drag them to like the bottom of your screen and I'll go into like your hand box okay so how do I see what they say wait so you can't see this you can't see this no they just say cards against humanity' to me they're blank on that when you flip them over they're blank oh how this works that's it you've done it you have you have one in your hand put them all wherever you put that one I'm telling you why don't you have so many cards I don't know wait this is really not that complicated this isn't my fault it seems like your fault man I know it seems that way to the untrained eye but over you trial yes there's a hand on the table and it's a wait it's a computer wave do you know what the mouse does you know how we do yes - who's doing the thing for us I don't know man I don't know do you want to play with Rando card rezian who's that is that next term Rando man basically we play our cards and then you put one from the top of the deck in there's only three of us so why not and if you if you pick that one then we should be ashamed of ourselves solving problems here all right no that's not where I thought I was putting that no go back together he thought [ __ ] me you're doing great in a field Oh uh-huh put that on there nope go on the whole thing there you go and then you just wow that a mistake was made in this very obvious system wait you can't I should have the right to berate him because I haven't done anything stupid yet oh yeah you have you did something right we've got no Rando card rezian and who wait you get to go first because it's simpler to be by erase your card dumb-dumb well I drew for you thank you blank will never be the same after blank put your first card on first so when Wade picks them up and flips them over the first thing he sees is the first card he should read right yeah so you want the first one on the bottom then is what you're saying yeah so that split the whole thing yeah when you when you pick up the pile and and flip it over the first thing you should see should be the first one you read if you put your first card facedown okay okay we're putting a lot of trust in Wade's ability to do this this I do I'm not terrible at things Wow that is not always true did you guys mix up whose piles tissues I don't know man close your eyes or something all good mm-hmm go for it I'm gonna start here cuz this is bottom left and you read left to right uppercuts will never be the same after what the [ __ ] did we're the waves if you just put it into your hand up rakaats will never be the same after the Hamburglar god um alright good good play guys could play collecting all seven power crystals will never be the same after taking 2d six emotional damage all right I might have done wrong what'd you do wrong bud stepping on a goddamn friggin Lego will never be the same after a grumpy old Harrison Ford rather be doing anything up you said put it on top the first one in this way you said the first one put the first one down on the table first in the order you intended here the hamburgers would never be senator uppercuts probably what that meant to be and a grumpy old Harrison Ford who'd rather be doing anything else will never be the same after stepping on a goddamn friggin Lego and collecting all seven power crystals everybody incentive taking 26 emotional damage or is that all good everybody happy with the way that was were read yes yes hmm choice is clear taking uppercuts that makes a lot more sense now thank you yes thank you mine were seemed mine was yours were theme I mean they were done it was a Dungeons & Dragons joke discard that's discarded [ __ ] that guy maybe we should put that not where Wade can touch it I think everything like a professional thank you very much clock clock clock wise some marks up yeah mark should read the card now all right oh god the pic Tuesday my mom freaked out when she looked at my browser history and found blank calm slash blank I'm gonna close my eyes so I'm picking up the whole stack and I'm flipping it yeah so yeah put the one you want read first on the table first okay put the second card behind that one so when you flip it over mark the first thing you'll see when you flip the whole stack is the first card you should read right got it I understand you I see you so mark look away or whatever like I've had my eyes closed this entire time no way do you just shuffle beers I think I also shuffled mine yeah I did there you go that and let me do endo Rando douchebag I have no confidence in anything that's happening right now all right there you go yeah okay all right get him tiger you don't even have to pick it up if you just mouse over and press F it'll flip on the table oh you're so smart my mom freaked out when she looked on my Brown industry and found con-com slash demons and [ __ ] all right fair fair all right my mom freaked out what you looked at my brother history and found overcompensation dot-com slash jumping out at people okay interesting website I might actually even visit that don't ya pretty sure my mom freaked out when she looked at my browser history and found all the good cut wait Bob move your hand all the good times and premium gaming entertainment available to you in the Kickstarter room okay dot-com slash lagging out so sad I'm gonna go with the overcompensation calm oh no you know what it's my turn to read the card so that's fine it sure is we lost two Rando douchebag another pic - you haven't truly lived until you've experienced blank and the blank at the same time I read that wrong but you don't you what what what why are they all pick Tuesday hate pick twos get shuffle the up I'm they're doing that thing now just draw on the deck shuffle shuffle here the other side shuffle make make a shuffle here go circle here circle back really go through here yeah and then shuffle shop got it hundred percent success pick some cards pick some cards I guess I'll draw two cards for endo Calrissian yeah probably I know it's not or maybe it is but it sounds like when you say Rando Calrissian that you're just being like really racist all right no Calrissian I see but I did not understand that yeah I guess like I can see where you're coming on here that now and I probably would be able to now are there new Kmart uh it's just cards on table man come on dude it's not how do you pick up the whole deck easily it hold it I know that alright whatever it also draw you can also select it might be in the wrong order I don't know we're done you know yeah oh god where's the tape oh it's over here I was just for a while okay a guy went way further away from the table that I meant to okay you haven't truly lived until you've experienced the imagination of Peter Jackson and the Star Wars universe at the same time cinematic nice I'm truly lived until you've experienced home video of Oprah's topic into a Lean Cuisine and getting hilariously gangbang by the blue man you've experienced Xena Warrior Princess and go [ __ ] yourself at the same time I have a feeling that a Rando who's gonna win again was that random is that random that wasn't mine as random holy [ __ ] what is this hey excuse me what huh what are you talking about what what is this yeah yeah wow man someone has strong opinions oh wow okay all right checks out checks out you're right shucks aren't ya yes how good you are at writing I guess yeah it does really hurt my feelings this is so well done here I'll fix it wait I'll fix it all right draw your thing let's do this on funny douche bags and this game is never gonna end how many of these how long does this go on 35 till you get to seven black cards I don't know till we decide that we're done basically oh here we go well before I killed you Mr Bond I must show you blank only one this time which is kind of nice so you guys can put them all in one pile that could shuffle on this time yeah Rando is two four three one that's actually one one is what mark to mark or Bob mark I won yeah I'm the best right up I mean I'm tied for second for Rando but didn't someone didn't someone win oh yeah you didn't yeah a second hey hey time for third bronze medal all right before I kill you mr. Martin oh I must show you whatever Final Fantasy [ __ ] happened to this year no no before I kill you mr. Bob never show you my balls and do a Sega Genesis and pressing the power button toldja console before I kill you mr. Bob and I must show you smashing all the pottery in a pottery barn in search of rupees big Zelda Finn it's gotta be balls thank you thank you I'm the best I am great I'm the best I am the best I'm great Bob you see the text me which one you put so I cannot pick is gotta be fair man blank there's an app for that crippling debt there's an app for that keep cockfights there's an app for that poor people for that yeah yeah ergo I'm gonna go with the poor people random douche bag I get all these shitty cards and it was like oh you want people I had poor people hi this is Jim from accounting we noticed that a $1200 charge to label the blank can you explain me this [ __ ] shitty card put this in my stupid hand I just want to get rid of all of my cards and draw all over again because these are all horrible how about we get one reset per game like full hand reset early yeah why not that makes it interesting can we I will scrap every one of these yes go for it go for you can use it whenever you want but go for it all right what was the card I wasn't paying attention oh yeah this is Jim from accounting we noticed a 1200 our charge labeled blank can you explain hi this is Jeff from accounting we noticed 12 knowledge level several Michael Keaton's charge a labeled being rich 12 dollar charge a labeled ammo P zoo lion can you explain I would not look forward to that email god damn it well it's gotta be being rich notice me doing these is there a max to the number of cards you can have in your hand okay listen listen oh my god guys if you hit G on a random stack of cards it does that oh if you have like cards that are all like shitty and whatever hit G for oh this hands already a lot better than the last oh good yeah I'm glad I'm glad man I'm glad time for me to have a black car to not play I'm glad man after the earthquake Sean Penn brought blank to the people of Haiti I always loved whenever I have the Sean Penn card and you just have Sean Penn brought Sean Penn funny joke all right whatever good good joke but thanks good I was laughing after the earthquake Sean Penn brought futuristic death sports the people of hid dad's fun probably is futuristic this futuristic I mean technology right after you have quake Sean Penn brought literally eating [ __ ] just people Sean Penn brought you must construct additional layers to doctor in the hospital is like give me more like you must get right I'm the best look at me turns out that Blankman was neither the hero we needed nor wanted oh no a real winner right there shuffle shuffle shuffle all right let's do this [ __ ] weights penis that's really distracting I'm sorry I didn't mean to blip it out there all right he's shuffled okay here we go huh turns out that dead babies boom man was neither the hero we needed nor wanted turns out that party poopers man was out that Rufus oh [ __ ] oh god I can't even tell it was just a random one I'm on their grabby boys this is a toughy I mean those are all great heroes that no one wants I just become I think the visual is funnier I'm gonna go with party pooper man yes I played roofies man I was a close second thank you very alright I'm up do it do the do with our most extreme flavor yet get ready for mountain to blank what was it I wasn't paying attention do the do with our most extreme flavor yet get ready for Mountain Dew Blanc what is a snore swartz those are two R's these getting there literally one white card in front of me come on now that's mine I did my job I I'm really debating this I'm really but really thinking about this hard I feel like there's some [ __ ] being written here maybe doesn't belong it's written in yellow which is the same color as Marc's name I wonder if there's a coincidence you can but I feel like there's a reason it's all in yellow okay wait hang on do the do with our most extreme flavor yet get ready for Mountain Dew feeding Rosie O'Donnell yeah Mountain Dew the pure zen-like state that exists between micro and macro let's get ready for about ndu going around punching people the only one that's even close were you going around punching people no I was not what is this loves it when you deliver food ah he absolutely loves the fact that I eat on stream so hungry hey hey wait a minute hey hey come on now I didn't write this what's happening wait wait no I didn't write this what don't don't believe it clearly clearly written by mark and suddenly endorsed by Wade I suck hard but Marco what is what is this is this heart but yeah yeah I suck heart but yeah I admit it but hey Wade shorts grandma's ashes so much like I do sweat grandma's ashes apparently drive car no next time on dr. Phil how to talk to your child about blank make it funny mine's real funny mine thank you so funny the way you guys are selling this as I don't I don't believe you but mine is very funny shut up and read it I'm reading next time I dr. Phil how to talk to your child about a one-way ticket to Gary Indiana oh how to talk to your chat about sharks with legs spending the years insulin budget on warhammer okay figure EADS I think probably would talk about there's a whole undertone of disowning your child the joke is so complex I'm not surprised that way about yourself it's not second place so you're better off than that at least you know whatever whatever whatever whatever mr. no cards you had no funny cuz you don't have any black cards you don't know that I know that I see that everybody we could see that pretty clearly one do you want to do the to pick or do you want to ditch it could be Feb redraw something to you I just don't like to furs alright what do we do I am in the city that never sleeps the door swings open and she walks in legs up to here something in her eyes tells me she's looking for blank hey guys I learned a new trick what what is that a few drawing cards if you draw one and then hold it and then right-click you can draw oh wow that's really useful right that's real handy just what I said alright here we go 2 a.m. in the city that never sleeps the door swings open she walks in legs up to here something in her eyes tells me she's looking for the kool-aid man well looking for historically black colleges no looking for she was looking for [ __ ] Mountain look dear Mom and Dad camp is fun I like capture the flag yesterday and one of the older kids taught me about blank I love you Casey wait your hand shouldn't be in my hand it should be on your hand what are you doing what weights weights fingers wait fingers is over here I was reading the car away go away what's happened go dude party over here do your stuff go do your there you go who's if away fly away a little boy I'm all gone mo gone hero dad campus fun I like caps the fly yesterday one of the older kids taught me about all my friends dying I love you Casey you're my dad cam it's fun I like capture the flag yesterday one of my older kids taught me about anchoring I love you Casey do you pay what if the older kid know it says fingering one of the older kids taught me about jerking off to incense second realmedia clipped well I have a guess I don't have a guest for which one of these this Rando actually yeah yeah oh yay yay shadow shout-out to ten-second real media clips downloaded on LimeWire everybody fingering was the r and everybody's favorite port and whatever that was client you guys ever torrent movies and segments from lime where no not in segments now I was asleep or NAND jeff foxworthy clips that's what I did that is not a lot when I was my dad really really liked Jeff Foxworthy and like all those guys like yeah he I was into it so I had like one CD that I burned and I took on road trips I was the porn CD well we'll always get you laid uh can't read my cards cuz i got too many black cards I've got so many black guys I just put them on the left they go under the cards so they're not in the way no no yes yes we all know that was just a charity pick wait calm down come on it was good come on no you man i like this i had [ __ ] about yeah you didn't win because of skill you wouldn't because you had like the trumpet that's all anyone ever was before no no this game is 100% skill [ __ ] you what will always get you late explosions a manger and pants yeah what will always get you late being awesome at sex how do you know that ahead of time do you like said yes i feel like that presumes a lot I feel like I'm sorry hard to prove prior to getting laid what will always get you laid my sex dungeon agent that one's for you so what was the big inside joke agent just say Asian Oh agent sex dungeons in Asia Asians that one's for you damn anyway being awesome at sex you find that out after the fact your sex dungeon if you're going into it you already know what you're getting into but explosions guarantee the [ __ ] Rando random this game you have been waylaid by blank and must defend yourself I'm not sure what waylaid means but I kind of pick it up from the context here don't mix it up with all my winnings don't write my winnings your there's so many of them I could see that happening laid by the fifth the 3/5 compromise and must defend yourself you have been waylaid by heartwarming Minges and must defend yourself that there's three different ways to look at this oh there's three cards yeah I see that about 3/5 mm-hmm heartwarming orphans is because I imagined this old man with too much money going like oh sure that's the RAM okay no I'm just gonna start taking credit for the randos goddamn cards next time there's a winner and someone's like yeah every Christmas my uncle gets drunk and tells the story about blank alright I'm gonna also shoot away I'm also doing a card purge every Christmas my kid struck it tells the story about carbon monoxide poisoning every Christmas my own food gets drunk and tells the story about a brain tumor hilarious gets drunk and tells the story about balls damn despite how hilarious the brain tumor is its balls mine it's mine it's mine guys that's mine thank you it was my balls I said a or B to chat earlier when I'd [ __ ] Mountain it was between balls 87% confident of my balls in my [ __ ] the video killed the radio star wave so cry me at goddamn River I like this new action comedy oh no a nice like this I can't read and his new action comedy Jackie Chan must fend off ninjas while also dealing with we're still here well someone played a ninjas card like two hands ago it was my endless ninjas yeah we could have had ninjas nimblest ninjas random would have picked it cuz no one here I did Rand already you're not in charge of picking anything you get you and I'll take that card no it's mine [ __ ] you [ __ ] you to thank [ __ ] you thank you [ __ ] you [ __ ] you thank you new action comedy the Jackie Chan was fending off ninjas while also dealing with Gandalf Bob your hand is that's oddly on topic for today while also dealing with a boxing match with a giant box you know honestly I would watch this movie with Gandalf yes I want to watch that transgression it's an action comedy therefore the comedy of boxing a giant box there was the action with the ninjas but you needed the funny wait this is why you don't understand comedy why aren't you gonna listen to support and watch Jeff Fox for I wake up America Christmas is under attack by secular liberals and they're blank there you go dude do your business okay I'm ready wake up America Christmas is under attack by secular liberals and their actual mutants with medical conditions no whose super powers wake up American Christmas is under attack by Nicolas Cage wake up America Christmas is under attack by secular liberals and they're waterboarding mutants yes the comeback is real baby wasted Nicolas Cage on you yeah you did yeah you did all right I'm gonna start playing just Trump cards here for my own I got great one okay all right then the healing process began when I joined a support group for victims of blank take your time there fellas it's been four seconds all right the healing process began when I joined a support group for victims of Chris Evans grabbing his left boob laughing victims of pac-man uncontrollably guzzling [ __ ] and victims of getting bitch-slapped by dhalsim I would know who that is Dhalsim sounds familiar no I don't know very much about a lot of these I'll just pick a random alright next no no no I choose pac-man yes damn what about Chris Evans grabbing his boob and laughing made me chuckle it made me chuckle yeah soft a flaccid chuckle does not around wind sir oh and you were just goofing at pac-man where are you see what I did controllably controllably tickles now prohibit blank on airplanes here we go tsa guidelines now prohibit getting so angry that you pop a boner on airplanes they do not like people that are angry and they probably don't like boners tsa guidelines now prohibit amputees on airplanes well that's United tsa guidelines now prohibit a bleached [ __ ] on airplanes they're already checking anyway what does it make a difference [Applause] tee's was so outrageous how could you not what have better emotion Scot damn you all right up next on Nickelodeon Clarissa explains Blanc got it 10 on its head just get mine everyone else sucks all right fair enough you go home Andrew your sad existence you write you write up next Nickelodeon closer Clarissa Clarissa explains dead parents Clarissa explains white privilege Larissa explains shaft shaft damn oh yeah no no no randoms you're just [ __ ] snow back and watch this belongs to not you if you weren't stuffing your face hole with a junior bacon cheeseburger what am I giving up for Lent what about giving up for Lent mooing mmm scrotal frostbite good stuff good stuff good stuff or a super soaker full of cat pee well I can't give that up I mean I feel like it's supposed to be something that you're giving up that you really appreciate so mooing yay we're all pretty bad there's no way that was really you multi stream works card don't buy hey whoa hey whoa a wise now even my - hey whoa hey whoa hey whoa hey whoa I don't know if I believe you but that's fine I don't know I doc that was my card I was like this Carol frostbite was definitely your call was that your card no I was all the way I don't even know how this game works anymore I shall EB no I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate bling I shall also be erect if I'm a billionaire what's the statue gonna be this is a markiplier card throw now what do you mean there's no custom cards okay I'm just throwing it out there when I have a billionaire I slowly write the 50 foot statue to commemorate crying into the pages of Sylvia Plath it's not a poet writer yeah yeah okay one billionaire how shall I write put statue to commemorate pooping back and forth forever okay the great Aaron Hanson that's what he likes to do all right he likes to poop a lot that's why whatever like a poop I think of Karen is such a good thing a bad thing yeah okay I shall wreak 50-foot statue to commemorate John Wilkes Booth man oh man what a shot that guy has too soon you said yes thank you just like this is like dude one dude two or art not dude making an infinite poop loop could be a cubbyhole old boy or girl come come right up in here and just just stand up here no we're ready to receive the poops and there could be a parent standing over here and some force perspective booth was like right not that camera that was Lincoln yes it was like it okay what's the shot Kennedy John Wilkes Booth no stop he's got three names that's the only thing I know Lee Harvey Oswald oc3 names now I was right I was right booth was Lincoln you right right mark I'm good why do you have one card [ __ ] over in your hand whatever whatever I don't what are you talking about don't look at my hand stop looking at my hand so all I see is blank other than what I see one card says what's going on again doesn't matter it doesn't matter do whatever you want oh it says uh both sides oh wow he's cheating he's got a double-sided card oh [ __ ] looks [ __ ] cheating over no that was the wrong side to art blank awesome in theory kind of a mess in practice here we go double penetration awesome in theory kind of a mess in practice that makes a right you right you right right coughing into practice you a nuanced critique want some Theory kind of a mess in practice I'm gonna go with double penetration yeah damn it you meant coughing into a vagina was wait was that theory it's notice now in one who's Theory who's married and who's not sorry life's pretty tough in the fast lane that's why I never leave the house would be blank why do you put your hand directly over it I'm reading it I just want to see my hand is small on my screen so it doesn't make sense to me that it affects your reading or whatever go for it go for it I was paying attention life's pretty fast in the toughest lane that's why I give me a goddamn white card to shut up I did the random already oh well who was a giving you one I haven't shut up so what he's saying is you have all the information in that scenario to figure that for you statement in hopes of provoking further ridicule and marks direction what you mean is you meant to be making it in a rhetorical statement in order to jab at Marco interrogative statement Co that you could have found yourself you right you right Jack you right you right you right you right alright life's pretty faster than whatever I never leave the house without some really fucked-up [ __ ] I was definitely weeds I never leave the house without [ __ ] and I never leave the house without an honest cop with nothing left to lose that takes care of life in the fast lane I guess it was mine everyone here socks that is not funny loving you is easy because you're blank I have no card that actually makes you know Bob I wasn't gonna do this but you've made me feel like this is your fault Freddie sure there now points to you there it's been four seconds thirteen times I put random in there thank you loving you is easy cuz your socks what good lovin news easy because you're poor life choice it's [ __ ] soft I literally it was the only card in my hand that was like actually a noun everything else weirds like grandiose [Laughter] mark wins if we're if we're keeping score because I think its first a seven points yeah I got seven we can do one more if you want sure you guys got a card you're burning to deal with like now is that sure all right why am i sticky all right do it why am i sticky God sticky half-assed foreplay huh yeah why am i sticky rock music and premarital sex I mean that makes sense that makes sense that makes sense they all make sense I see the common denominator here is probably that middle card weird I think this card right here is the common denominator as to why these three are good right yeah yeah yeah I'm right you're right I'm gonna go with rock music and premarital sex oh my god well thought for sure that one was was Bob so I was a fast four please I was god I was about to pick a god I was doing a previous life I've God - I'm trying to count how many black cards yeah yeah yeah - this three so twelve was it twelve eleven a couple of these were like do-overs right you right you right you [Laughter] [Music]

Channel: Markiplier

Views: 3,170,735

Rating: 4.9532299 out of 5

Keywords: cards against humanity, tabletop simulator, multiplayer, cards against humanity online, cards against humanity markiplier, cards against humanity funny moments, cards against humanity game, funny moments, funny, funniest, laughing, collab, muyskerm, lordminion777

Id: bAlsZSdSOvo

Length: 44min 23sec (2663 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 03 2019