Story of my marriage with a lot of red flags

[Music] this is a going to be a rather long and sad tale of my marriage to my high school sweetheart i have been lurking around for a few days and this is my first ridic post hope i don't mess it up or posted it in the wrong section i'm way beyond this woman but she has forever impacted my life you will see so many red flags throughout this story you will want to scream how is he still with her i guess looking back i can only equate to a frog slowly being boiled it won't jump out of the pot i met x when i was a high school junior just before summer break i had had a few girlfriends before even some intimacy but was still a virin x gave me her number and told me we should hang out during the summer i laughed it off because no girl had ever been so forward with me and still felt like i was an awkward kid at a nerite i tucked away her number because i was leaving for army basic training and would be back at the start of my senior year in school we wrote a few letters back and forth while i was away and immediately started dating when i returned it was young love to say the least and it was not long before i lost my virginity in her parents basement i was no casanova but we continued to sneaker for rest whenever we could like any other young couple would we dated all through senior year experimented sexually with many things she said she was not a virgin when we met but said she had only ever done it once at some point she also joined the army reserve though in a different unit we were both believing for training that summer but agreed to stay together i was going to college in the fall but were going to do the long distance thing or at least try to the day we were both due to ship to training she found out she was pregnant at the military enlistment facility i found out the same day but only by seeing her papa work on a desk she would not tell me she was pregnant at that time until years later i left the same day saying a tearful goodbye to much of a wimp to tell her i knew she got an abortion that summer and never tried to return to the military returning from training i started college in another part of the country she lamed she was just working it was not long before i left school because i could not stand to be away from her and because the school i was at did not live up to its illustrious reputation i came home and started working as a night security guard she told me all about the abortion and when we would fight she said she would tell my parents and friends and ruin my reputation she was the queen of the ultimatum always holding our relationship hostage threatening to leave alone and sad whenever we had any kind of disagreement despite this i thought i was still a happy person though we fought almost every day then again so did my parents i thought that was how real relationship was supposed to be the entire time i was home working we were both living between our two parents homes she claimed to be being paid by a friend to take classes for her pretending to be her friend at the local community college thinking this was a bad idea i eventually convinced her to stop going though over the preceding years she would insist i forced her to drop out of college because i was so needy fast forward a few months and we both dc had to start college together in a different city move into the dorms just down the hall and basically live together i quickly make a large group of friends and she seems to enjoy them as well though at this point we were that couple that has no interest in doing anything without the other half my few attempts to owe things without her always resulted in fights to include having her hover around me when i was doing group projects for college needless to say i did not really have any concept of emotional or relationship boundaries our relationship continued to deter or yet and i was always the one to blame we would have huge knock down drag out fights over what seemed like utter nonsense oftentimes she would become physically abusive as well hitting pinching biting hard enough to break skin afterwards she would always apologize but only by first saying that it's really your fault for making me so angry yet i never even considered leaving her at this point i had spent years hearing that no one will ever love you you're useless ugly stupid which i internalized for many years to come time marched on and eventually we moved out of the dorms into a large house with several roommates immediately x started fighting with every person in the house continually trying to show to me that they all hate us at the time i believed her the second semester we moved out but not before the landlord informed me that x was hundreds of dollars behind on her part of the rent not being married at this point we were still financially independent of one another sort of mostly i paid for gas food and rent in the new apartment and she paid for things she wanted clothes etc i continued my studies through the second semester of that year and it was around then i realized she was not going to classes anymore after confronting her about this she insisted she was taking online classes with lectures once or twice a week at this point i was in school working in town and still in the army reserve i never was able to even work up the courage to call her out on her lies i just wanted the good times back and thought if i worked hard enough and did all the things she wanted to do she would love me and be happy to this circle of codependency only got worse we left that summer to another large city a few hours between school and where we grew up i was working as an unpaid intern and would soon be going overseas with the army she claimed she had gotten at a restaurant but never wanted me to come visit her at work at this point i knew she was lying about working just like she lied about going to school judging by the constant trash i was cleaning up around the house dirty dishes on the floor mixed with dirt cloth asset etc she never seemed to leave or go outside every time i tried to bring it up it turned into a huge fight i ducking hate you don't touch me i hate you became as familiar to me as good morning yet even after terrible fights she would apologizes offer s and say she loved me forever i left for iraq she moved in with my parents she said she was not on speaking terms with her parents anymore at this point in our relationship she was provided with a roof over her head rent-free full access to food and family outings a car and even some gas money she claimed to my parents she was working as a nanny not long into my deployment my mom caught her trying to forge checks in my dad's name to her i was beyond embarrassed and sought out a military chaplain for advice this proved to be an unfortunate choice for me the chaplain said we were both living in sin and could never truly be happy until we were married in the eyes of god although not particularly religious this sounded like great advice to me at the time get married and all my problems will be solved i can finally prove to her how much i love her and that she loves me and so we did get married while i was home on leave she insisted we keep it a secret from both our families so we can plan a really big wedding when i got home so secret it was only because i had to prove how much i loved her during this deployment i sent her money every month but saved some for myself we did not yet have joint banking after many difficult months away i came home excited to be with my wife have a real wedding and get busy living only to end up sharing my childhood bedroom with a woman who was such a nutter slob that everything she owned clothes etc simply stayed in a huge pile on the floor with the dirty things sifting to the bottom to be only every cleaned up by me when i could not stand it any longer while i was gone she claimed to have switched jobs working as a cash under the table project manager for a contracting company that was building stuff all over town she said she was making plenty of money yet in fits of rage these were becoming quite common at this point she always accused me of just leaving her with my terrible judgmental parents they did not kick her out over the check thing even offered to pay for therapy and not supporting her while i was away then in the same breath always saying you're not the same person you were when you left with this environment becoming intolerable i took a full-time job with the army about three hours away from where my parents live somehow it worked we saw each other almost every weekend s was amazing often we would not leave the bed for the entire weekend it seemed like things were finally on track she moved in with some friends of mine back in our hometown to save money the very next weekend she moved out one of my best friends since the eighth grade the roommate called saying he ax drive home to the apartment drunk almost every night and that he heard her talk with some friends she had brought over about all her hookups i immediately called x she got furious with me for not having her back i would know she would never do those things promptly moved out of the apartment she had just moved into and insisted i end my 10-year friendship as well as keep my distance from my parents and brothers because they did not want us to be happy together i feel like such an idiot now for all this but it's almost like she had me brainwashed i did just that though things seemed to be going great for us at least on the weekends we were together she continued to trash many of my friendships leaving me further isolated from the outside world my current job was coming to the end i had the opportunity to go overseas again this time as a high rank doing a job i had always wanted however i asked dex again and again what she thought of me going overseas again she reassured me that even though the last time had been hard this time she was prepared for it and we could make it through anything together also we now had joined banking are left again and a switch was flipped she saw me off with a week of greatness and loving affection making promises for when i got home within a few weeks of leaving i could hardly get a hold of her on the phone then the money started to drain out of our joint account at first she claimed it was for tuition she had gone back to school even in me email of the textbooks she had purchased then she said she was buying all the things we would need for our home so it would be ready for me when i got back about halfway through my deployment i got hurt badly it was a training accident so not combat related but i was in the hospital for a few weeks and had a lot of scars she would not answer my phone calls orams or facebook messages while i was in the hospital i got one facebook message which i kept part of it said you got hurt at a really inconvenient time for me i have finals right now i was devastated but just bottled everything up and retreated into my shell i had built over the years prepared to weather the storm and await the good times once i got out of the hospital i noticed all my money was now being taken out of my account 500 at a time through atms until it was all gone within a few days of getting paid i went on leave for two weeks she met me for a cruise i had bought tickets for months prior i had a terrible haircut and bad scars but i was so happy to see her the cruise was awesome our time together was not the hot adventurous woman i knew in the bedroom was replaced by a dead fish that only wanted to have s with the lights off and only twice in the two weeks we were together the action ended and i went back to the war she went back home she really was working this time i met her for lunch a lot there before i left the money kept flowing away despite my demands please and attempts to open other accounts she had a power of attorney and would just get access also i did not have a lot of time to do this kind of stuff i was busy doing other things second deployment ended i came home we moved back to my parents house back to my old room and fell back into the same old habits only worse i was looking for work but not having any luck she went out every single night of the week i went with a couple of times but the crowds and loud noises of clubs were never really my scene and i did not like being a person drink holder for her and a crowd of friends i did not know needless to say eventually i just stopped trying to go out with her then even when i did ask on occasion it was always girls only i mostly just sat in my room cleaned up her pig sty of clothes and food wrappers and played video games i was in a rut and thought it was because i was home and had some issues with everything that went on overseas then on a whim i applied to an army program that would teach me an awesome skill set be full-time pro-met me and allow both of us to live together in the same place lo and behold i got it i left a few months later to do the first part of my training with her planning to join me when i was done a few months later we still fought a lot but i felt like we would finally make things work and the good times would be back to stay i left for training did not hear from her for two months no answer to phone calls or mls it was rough she said she had started at a very competitive beauty school and was super busy paid for with my money but i wanted to support her needless to say she never came to live with me i finished the first segment of over a year of training and came home for a few days to help her move into her own studio apartment she was in class and my friends in the area i had not really talked to a whole lot in a long time so naturally i moved all of her stuff out of storage and onto a truck then into an apartment i did it with a smile i wanted everything to be perfect for her when she got home all stuff organized food in the fridge bed made everything perfect and it was until she started yelling at me saying i was selfish for making her feel bad for not helping and how she was just going to do it after i went back to the base i was living at i left the next day knowing i would just have to try harder to show how much i cared i got on facebook one day to see a friend request from her best friend not having much contact with ex i was desperate to make things work that's when i found entire photo albums in her friends fb page of my wife making out with the same guy in different clubs and at different places one was even from the just past valentine's day i was heartbroken i knew it had finally happened rmy selfish actions had driven her away so i had to do everything i could to prove i loved her and forgave her to win her back that's what i felt at the time i confronted her over the phone she would not admit to anything at first but she finally said it had all happened a long time ago while i was overseas the second time and it was over i said i would forgive her and that i still loved her and then came home for a few days of vacation to work things out she could not miss any school so i spent three days pacing around town as a nervous wreck while she went to beauty school when i got to our apartment i noticed all the pictures of us together and me were stuffed behind a dresser and after snooping found an i love you so much card in a drawer it was not from me i called her out on these things and said the pictures had fallen while cleaning and that the card was very old and she did not even know she kept it it was not there when i moved all her stuff in just a few months before i forced myself to believed it all the clues her explanations made me feel better i guess we were not intimidated at all though we did share a bed she also instead i not come to her school which was just down the street i brought her flowers anyways a day later she accepted them in front of her friends but then quickly went back inside later that night she exploded at me for embarrassing her and making a scene all i did was bring flowers in the card offering to take her to lunch i left a few days later she promised to call me once a week and talk to me on fb it seemed like a victory at the time i also started seeing a counsellor on a weekly basis to get a better understanding of what was happening in my life she offered me amazing advice and is still a friend to this day she said my plan to forgive x had about a 100 one chance but was always a willing listener and occasionally a soldier to cry on x and i carried on trying to patch things up for a while though we were still one thousands of miles apart i came up with a plan that we should renew our wedding vows and have a beach ceremony with her in a dress rings pictures the whole nine yards she had claimed she lost her first engagement in years prior well at least it was no longer being thrown at me with and i ducking hate you twice a week after it got lost so we did just that had pictures taken plastered them all over facebook framed and sent them to mom and dad grams and other family it was a good week for us together spent in a b and b right near the beach however intimacy never recovered she only offered the night of the big event and was a dead fish however are left for a particularly demanding training event with the promised we would spend another week together once i was finished in a month she came down for a visit the friends i had made where i was living all wanted to meet her we threw a big party in bbq she spent most of the time playing video games on her phone and refused to socialize with anyone later she said she felt like i was forcing her oh have fun we fought every night in bed i had so many questions about the affair but every time i asked or tried to talk about it she freaked saying i was just trying to make her feel bad and would never let it go and start loving her again it was a crummy week together i brought her to the airport and she left with the promise to come visit in about a month she also left her phone in my car it was locked but when i got home and got on my computer she had left herself logged into her gmail account and there after years of the most codependent one-sided awful relationship which turned me into a shell of man it finally clicked the email between her laptop at the airport and her boyfriend's same one from the photos were coming in in real time her saying what a great time she had visiting her grandma me i guess and him describing in all the explicit detail what he would do with her when she got home i dug further i found out she was making money by being involved in what appeared to be some kind of high-end escort service it all came crashing down i had a lawyer and papers drawn up within a day i was on a plane home to surprise her with a visit the very next weekend my dad insisted he come with stating son that crazy bee is going to start slamming her head in a door just to get you arrested i'm coming with you so at 7am on a weekday i waited outside the apartment i paid for to get inside i did not have a key someone was on their way to work and even held the door to open four to my dad and die figuring an old guy and a young guy in suit and tie at 7am probably have important business to attend to i found her apartment knocked on the door with a manila folder in my hand detailing that she would be entitled to 900 a month for two months and then nothing she would lose her car her phone i would get the second plasma tv god only knows why she bought two and she would never get another penny all she had to do was sign i knocked on the door nervous as all hell and a part of me still screaming no she loves you she is your wife the first thing i heard was a man's voice say who's at the door baby old dad melted away in a hair beat she saw me saw my dad saw my folder and standing in one of my army t-shirts in a dinghy hallway simply said i'll sign i had the satisfaction of informing her that she had to have it all notarized and then proceeded to read every detail of how she would get nothing more than what was in the paperwork i then had the satisfaction of watching a short dumpy looking guy with a few extra pounds on him trying not to make eye contact with me as he tried to slink out of the doorway between my father and i he said not a word i glared at him he hung his head and looked at the floor my old man said loud enough for all to hear son it ain't worth the jail time let him scurry away she cried the whole way to the nearest bank had to wait an hour for it to open she even said she wanted to give her new engagement ring back i told her it was not dictated in the paperwork therefore it was hers to keep she signed the paperwork i dropped her off at her apartment with her being able to keep all the chairs tables first plasma tv dishes etc she had bought for our new life together that was the last time i saw her there are many details are left out of this saga it's long enough as it is but suffice to say after over nine years of an abusive one-way relationship where i was lied to made to feel guilty and cheated on never found out how many times or how many people i got out i started to learn i was actually a good person that some women seemed to actually think him attractive when i started dating again it felt very odd when i received things like compliments and experienced relationships without emotional manipulation i started to live my own life it's wonderful eventually i met my wife we have a baby due soon and i could not be happier with where i'm now even if it was nine years of horror to get there [Music] so [Music] so [Music] you

Channel: Ask Girl

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Keywords: reddit girl, reddit, reddit revenge, reddit pro revenge, reddit wedding, r/askreddit, r/girl, r/revenge, r/prorevenge, r/wedding, r/, askreddit girl, askreddit, askreddit wedding, askreddit revenge, askreddit pro revenge, reddit marriage

Id: tn4LrNECHjg

Length: 23min 3sec (1383 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 09 2021