My husband's ex wife is trying to get him back

[Music] so i've tried to handle the situation as gracefully as i can but i'm at the end of my rope and i need advice from random strangers apparently there are some smart people here on reddit and i've read some great advice in the past so i've been with my husband for six years married four years second marriage for both of us edit husband and i are both in our 50s with successful careers we both got married and had kids with other spouses when we were very young the first time around he left his first wife about seven years ago he had fallen out of love with her many years ago and stayed for the kids according to him he had deep resentment towards her for a long time and she just kept pulling creepy manipulative stuff to keep him in the marriage he felt trapped i had recently gotten out of a relationship where i felt trapped so when we started dating we completely understood what the other was going through no judgment she's mentally unstable according to my husband's family and has low self-esteem she pretended that they were still married when they were divorced and he was dating me she still had family photos of them together as if they were still married on social media for several years while him and i were engaged and living together and they had been legally divorced for quite a while they have two adult children well into their twenties who still live at home with her in the house my husband bought she couldn't hold down a job so hubby paid for everything she's now living off of his alimony and she got the house in the divorce with very low mortgage payments as he had almost paid it off cool glad she has a place to live i could care less about that i work for a living got my own house i paid for on my own him and i have been married for four years most of his family love me and i love them this wasn't always the case as in the beginning of our relationship she lied and blamed me for her marriage falling apart even though he divorced her prior to dating me and he had dated other women before him and i dated but he was a private man and he had gone about the divorce privately while she was pretending in person and on social media that they were still married while they were legally divorced making me look like a home wrecker i was very vocal about the truth the family figured it out and most of them no longer speak to her there are a few toxic people in the family who love the drama and feed into it and give her information about our marriage she turned my husband's kids against him they were adults when he divorced her and she just lied to everyone in his family and extended family to try and turn his whole family against him she told him if he left her she would turn his kids and family against him it didn't work in the end now her goal is to try and make me as miserable as possible according to my husband's family she is obsessed with my husband and i the few toxic family members who crave the drama feed her information when we go on vacation where we are at all times what kind of car i drive my career every detail of our lives one of the people feeding them information is my horrible alcoholic mother-in-law she's so desperate to be in her grandchildren's lives she does anything the ex wants she's like a creepy old spy she's like golem from lord of the rings the both are lol so desperate my husband's kids also feed the ex-information the ex keeps holding onto hope that he will go back to her he finds her repulsive but wants to keep the peace for his children after the ex realized turning the kids against him wouldn't bring him back she now uses them as tools to try and get him back she texts him photos of the grown ass kids all the time when we see his kids i'm very polite the daughter will mention her mommy 30 times in the conversation i've taken to counting in my head for entertainment purposes how many times she mentions no her mom whips out photos of her mommy to show my husband and brings up events and scenarios which occurred before i was with the hubby essentially leaving me out of the conversation she emails my husband photos of her and her mom this daughter is almost 30 lives at home is single and talks like she's 12. she's as obsessed as her mom and feeds into the sick desperate behavior the other adult child just sits there awkwardly no conversation at all it's all highly dysfunctional and my husband is so happy that his kids are now talking to him that he acts like it's normal i've told my husband we need to set boundaries with his ex and his mother the kids are grown if the ex needs to talk to him she can call her home phone she no longer needs to text my husband as it's very clear she's crossing boundaries he agreed he's uncomfortable with her behavior i'm trying to set boundaries with his mother but it's hard cause that relationship is also highly dysfunctional he was codependent with her his whole life as she was a d addict and is now an alcoholic i've told him he needs alone time with the kids he wants us all to be a pretend family he's in a make-believe world when i bring up his mom and kids he gets very defensive this makes me resent him in them i daydream about leaving him because i've lost so much respect for him not seeing what i'm going through and frankly not having my back when it comes to his kids or mother everyone says don't leave it's what she wants but frankly between the ex the kids and the crazy mother-in-law who lived with us for two years and ironically is obsessed with my husband's dad who left her over 40 years ago i've never seen such toxic family dynamics i'm ready to throw in the towel even if i left him he'd never go back to x not that i'd care at this point he'd find some other woman and the desperate ex would still pine for him so sad i'm just trying to figure out how to set boundaries without causing a fight i've been nice throughout the whole fiasco and frankly i'm done being nice no one seems to be looking out for my feelings some background we are half sisters she's 15 years older we had very different upbringings especially with regard to education and financial planning she just finished massage therapy school and wants to start her own business she has no formal education apart from high school cosmetology and now holistic health massage therapy i have an mba and i'm an entrepreneur so far i've been successful in my endeavors she asked for my help in starting her business and i happily agreed i've been helping her get her tax id insurance bank accounts website etc we meet weekly to work on building her business she asked to move him for about six months to save money i helped her move gave a super cheap rent and have suspended being an airbnb host while she is with us i'm even helping manage her various craigslist ads to get rid of some stuff that's filling my garage she's lived with us for a total of three weeks she shared her finances or lack thereof with me and i'm trying to help her come up with budgets and strategy she's upside down on her car owes more than it's worth today she announced she wants to sell her car on craigslist and get an infinity new from the dealer her reasoning is not for better gas mileage or lowering her monthly payments she thinks that an infinity will make her feel pretty and will bring her joy she already has a perfectly fine car nicer than mine even i thought she she was staying with me so she could save money not get into more debt i feel like she's taking the breathing room and support my husband and i are providing and digging herself a bigger hole all that being said we got in our first fight today she feels like i'm trying to tell her what to do or how to make decisions i feel like she's making an emotional decision versus a rational one and it's going to have consequences aside from additional debt one personal consequences that i won't want to continue going out of my way to help her learn how to be financially independent if she's stuck in a poverty mentality and unwilling to change she has a long history of making bad decisions financial relationships addiction etc i'd like to think that a person can change but maybe i should keep my mouth shut and let her lay in the bed she's made for herself what she does with her money is really none of my business except for the fact that she's living in my house we have an agreement that she can stay through the holidays i'm expecting her to have deposit money for an apartment plus any business startup and recurring costs saved and budgeted for by january 1st 2015. the main thing i plan to do is to offer her help with setting up a mint account the free financial planning website so she can have a clearer picture of her financial well-being and i'm hoping that with the insight she'll come to her own conclusions that getting into unnecessary debt when she's just starting a business is a bad idea what else should i do what would you do in my situation update thank you everyone for your input it's helping me devise a plan for moving forward we have a meeting scheduled to talk on monday i've gathered your advice and i'm considering giving her this letter with a copy of the room rental agreement i expect to be signed right away thoughts sister i'm sorry but by living in our home for financial reasons your financial decisions are now our business since your decisions affect our home life the trade-off for husband and i to open our home to you is that you are accountable for your financial decisions husband and i are giving you a deal on rent because we want to help you improve your financial situation and support you in getting your business off the ground we are investing in your future because we want the best for you and we believe in you if you choose to go forward with this car purchase expect us to limit the support we provide to you since you clearly do not respect what we are offering keep in mind that an infinity is expensive 25k 2011 model requires premium gas and if you decide to put cheap gas in it it will mean expensive engine repairs taxes on luxury cars are higher insurance will be more expensive based on the conversation with the representative at the bank just on wednesday the 800 tax for california-based llcs was stretching your budget if 800 in business tax is an issue i question how you can sign up for a dollar sign 25k debt without concern i can't tell you not to buy a new car but i can tell you objectively that it is not a good decision business or personal and i'm concerned that if you buy the car it will be difficult for you to save enough money to move out as per hour agreed upon schedule i'm sad to say but that will be your problem and not miners husband and i will be reclaiming our private married life in january 2015. i've been married to my wife for three years now she's been a natural flirt her whole life i've known this since we dated she harmlessly flirts with guys from time to time and it's always nothing too far or too crazy i never have been too uncomfortable with this as she claims to only do it when i'm around because she knows that it makes me want her more she just likes the attention to she has claimed she has never cheated on me or any of her exes i believe her as i feel that i have no reason not to i'm on her phone all of the time and never notice anything suspicious her and my brother have hit it off whenever since they first met the three of us hang out a lot and they do alone occasionally i've never had a problem with this either it never really hit me that something could be going on between them my wife and i have a pretty nice house i was lucky to land my dream job and make good money my brother has been less fortunate though he dropped out of high school and has had a few stunts in jail nonetheless i still love him and enjoy his company he is always welcome over at our house he doesn't live there but he stays over a good bit he doesn't have a home so he's either staying with us or at his friends even with all of his problems he has always been the latest man i guess that is where some of my worries have came from i chao that many women find him very attractive my wife works from home now so there's a good bit of the time that they are at home alone together at first i didn't think anything of it everything seemed normal to me over time i've noticed more and more weird things though sometimes when i come home they will be laying on our bed or my brother's bed together there and cuddling but it's still weird to me sometimes my wife will only have her underwear on when around him she has seen him naked a few times one of the times when she walked in on him naked she whistled at him i couldn't tell if it was to be funny or flirty he will also walk around close to naked from time to time she really almost treats us both the same it's like we are both her husband she hugs him kisses him on the cheek and flirts with him recently i came home to see her cuddling with him on the couch i don't know why it was this that took me to my breaking point but it was i finally asked them what they were doing she just said um we are relaxing what does it look like i snapped and told her to get up and for him to leave he was confused as to what was going on i cursed at him and told him that he needed to leave now he looked confused but eventually walked out my wife asked what that was about i told her that i was finally fed up with how they've been with each other and that it seems like there's something going on between them she got mad at me for accusing her and said that their relationship was completely healthy and normal and that nothing was going on she said she sees him like her brother she yelled at me some more and then locked herself in our room she has barely spoken to me at all since my brother hasn't been back since that either i don't want to ruin my relationship with either of them i realize that i may not have handled this correctly but i just was not feeling comfortable anymore what should i do from here i really am so lost my ex and i knew each other for three months when i got pregnant we made it work for about a year raj but we were also babies when we had a baby and it just didn't work out cue a couple years of pretty hostile co-parenting but we are both in our 30s now with an amazing daughter and we are really spot on with raising her we both went to therapy cleaned up our acts got good jobs and grew as people really well and our daughter is polite talented and happy i consider myself lucky that i have a good albeit business-like relationship with him as far as our daughter is concerned a little over a year ago my ex started dating someone this is the first real relationship that he has had since we split and she is an amazing woman the fact that they've been together for over a year with six months of that being long distance she was finishing post-grad work and also knowing my daughter loves her holds a lot of weight for me in contrast i've been with myself for two years and his ex has been kind of a nightmare when it comes to their kids i'm not going to get into it because i don't feel it is relevant but co-parenting with her has been really hard we have his kids five days a week on her insistence she basically has no interest in being a mother but has also made it clear that she does not want me in their lives i'm not sure if i'm projecting my own insecurities at the above situation or not but i kind of want my ex's girlfriend to know how awesome i think she is i think she is really good for my ex and i think she is a great role model for my daughter we have only met a few times during drop-offs but she was always very kind and polite i take my daughter out shopping every year to buy a christmas present for her dad and she wanted to buy one for his girlfriend too would it be weird if i extended a sort of olive leaf in the form of a card to go with the present nothing sappy just a few short lines to say thank you for being in my daughter's life i appreciate her moments with her painting her nails playing barbers with her taking her out hiking when my ex is at work etc and that i'm excited to have another woman who loves my daughter as much as i do i just know what it's like to be with someone who has children with someone else and my current relationship has made me feel so alienated from souls kids that i don't want her to feel the same way i truly am genuinely happy that she is a part of their lives but i'm not sure if it would be weird for her or my ex to express that [Music] so [Music] so [Music] the

Channel: Ask Girl

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Keywords: reddit girl, reddit mil, reddit money, reddit mother in law, justnomil, jnmil, r/justnomil, reddit justnomil, r/askreddit, r/girl, r/mil, r/money, r/motherinlaw, r/, askreddit girl, reddit, askreddit mil, askreddit mother in law, askreddit justnomil, reddit ex

Id: nNm44NXG2N8

Length: 18min 0sec (1080 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 08 2021