- [Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, Oh I don't think you're ready for this. I don't think you're
ready for what's to come. Oh The Sideman's Sumo Olympics is here. - [Announcer] Oh my, God, I'm so excited. - [Announcer] Oh my, God, no way! - [Announcer] Yes my tits are on fire. - [Announcer] Give me some chlamydia. - [Announcer] That's right. The Olympics you've all been waiting for has finally arrived. We don't have time. (coughs) Oh, God. We don't want abs or muscles. All we want is flabby
moves and a pot belly. So prepare your clits and your dicks. - [Announcer] And get ready for the heaviest ride of your life. - [Announcer] For our first event on this beautiful cloudy day, we have the hurdles. First up we have Vik. - [Announcer] The last
time he was this happy he had kids in his- - [Announcer] Next up we have
Josh, the cheating nunce. - [Announcer] Next up we have JJ who for some reason hasn't
put on his Sumo suit. - [Announcer] And lastly we have Simon. - [Announcer] I wonder if he's
going to do something cringe? Yep. What a tosser. - [Announcer] Anyway, the
fat pricks are all lined up as they get ready?
- Oh your marks. - [Announcer] Yo shout out to the guy on the lawnmower.
- Get set. - [Announcer] JJ taking his
time to reach the ground there. - Go! - [Announcer] So much time that there was an actual
jump to start the race. And nevertheless they're off. Simon in the lead. The last time I saw this
man fat people run... - Oh my, God! - [Announcer] Actually no I haven't. Anyway, Sam is still
in the lead managin' to actually jump the hurdles. As he turns on the fat burners as he eventually crosses the line. That's first place sorted. But what about second? JJ from out of nowhere finds himself in second place. As he also crosses the line. And now Josh getting third. And finally Vic putting his hands up surrendering as he's been caught. This time not by the police
but by one of the hurdles. As he eventually crosses the line and these are the final standings. Simon and JJ have entered
the finals for the hurdles. As we look at the replay thankfully only one of
them was actually jumping or we could've had some earthquakes. Talkin' about earthquakes, earthquakes are kinda like my sex life. Lasts essential than a minute and leaves you wondering
what the hell just happened. Anyway onto the next
heat we Harry who dabbed. - [Announcer] Okay. - Next we have Tobi. Fun fact. He actually inhales more oxygen through his big nose than any other human. Lastly we have Ethan. He'd used to bein' fat, so he should smash this. The planets have lined up and are ready to race. - On your marks. - [Announcer] Hey, yo, shout out to the lamp in the background yeah. Don't know the thing. - Get set. - [Announcer] Hey yo, that
lawnmower guy's they're again. - [Announcer] Go! - [Announcer] And the blue guy's tape has been well and truly lit. (ground exploding) - [Announcer] Oh shit, what was that? - [Announcer] Yo I think
that's an earthquake happening. Oh God. Every time we fault it gets worse. Everything is shaking. (man screaming) I'm gonna die. Why are there dildos everywhere? Oh, god. There's even a black one. I'll give that one to Sir Jordi. But this is horrible. (man screams) Oh it stopped. As soon as Ethan crossed
the line, it stopped. - [Announcer] All right we've got Harry who's pretty much given up now (laughs) as he slowly but surely finds the finish line, crosses it, (laughs) and he tried to take
out Ethan and Tobi and failed. Oh, God. For fuck's sake, man. - [Announcer] And now ladies and gentlemen we have reached the final. Tobi, Simon, JJ, and Ethan. Who will be victorious? Today we find out. - On your marks. - [Announcer] The boys are ready. - Get set. - [Announcer] Everyone is ready. Except for JJ he's... JJ is just taking his
time to reach the ground. - Go! - [Announcer] And they're off! JJ has struggled to get up, but fuck him. It's all about these three boys now. Ethan tryin' the new technique. Kicking the hurdles down. Securin' him third place. Now it's Simon against Tobi. Tobi with the pace using his Nigerian legs to full potential. - [Announcer] Oh it's going to be tight. Tighter than Vic's asshole when he's near policemen and there we have it. Tobi with first place. Simon with second. Ethan with third. And JJ with fourth. What an exhilarating race. Tobi takin' the lead and finishing the race as number one very well played. And these are the final standings. (crowd cheers) Ethan with third place, Simon with second, and Tobi with first. Two Nigerians in there. I'm sure Nigeria is very proud. Now onto the race everyone
has been waiting for including God himself
the 100 metre sprint. Vic with his hunting face for. Well you already know then you got Simon, and then Josh, and then
Harry, and then JJ. And finally we have Tobi. Oh yeah. I forgot about you (laughs). - Oh your mark. - [Announcer] Hey yo, shout
to the guy on the bike. - Set. Go. - [Announcer] And away they go. Look at the line of fat people running. You'd think that there was
cake at the end of the track. or in Vic's case (laughs)... Anyway moving on. Ethan using his past
experiences of being fat to his advantage wins the 100. (ground rumbles) Oh my God! For fuck's sake, man. I'm sick of this shit. Ethan for fuck's sake stop
dropping to the ground. - [Announcer] Anyway let's
look at a replay of this fuckin' race. All right we got Ethan winning. Simon second, Josh third, and Vic fourth. Oh I guess we don't care about the others. - [Announcer] These all the
times ladies and gentlemen and I can confirm that everyone was indeed faster than Logan Paul. (crowd applauds) Unbelievable stuff. These are the standings. And surprisingly, there
are no black people. Oh wait. (chuckles) Ethan is part black. So that counts. Next event. We have the high jump. We all know what the high jump is. If you don't know what the high jump is, piss off. Anyway, we have Josh starting first. He's gonna try and clear no 0.8 metres. Can he do it? Yes he can. - [Announcer] Great stuff there from Josh. He should be very proud of that jump. Got some incredible height there and cleared the bar easily. - [Announcer] All right,
next up we have Ethan. Oh boy. I'm not looking forward to this. I mean a lot of things
have fallen and broken. Let's just hope nothing happens
when he clears this jump. Oh my, God. There's no off quick. I think the mat has taken in the impact and saved all souls. - [Announcer] Hey yo, let's give a quick shout out to the mat for comin' in clutch. Unbelievable scenes from the mat there. - [Announcer] Thank you. - [Announcer] And we have JJ. JJ tryin' a different
technique running at the bar. And (laughs)... He clears it looking like an idiot, but he clears it nevertheless. A very strange technique but it worked (chuckles). Fair play. All right, next up we have Harry. He's gonna try to no point eight. He should clear this very easily and he does very well played. I mean, there's not much
else to say about that. He just, he did it. (laughs) He did it. Now Tobi. - [Announcer] Looking like
he's running from the police. Or his mom's wooden
spoon jumps and clears it Easy stuff for Tobi. He is a man that likes to jump. Now we have Simon. Simone with a very strange
looking Eagle technique and flies over the bar. Very easily. No problems there. Good stuff. Now last but not least we have Vic. Vic should be able to do well with this as he jumps. Oh, God. Oh my, God. I guess Vic likes touching things, including bars but in all honesty that was a terrible attempt (chuckles). So let's look at this replay. Yep he definitely did touch the bar. All right Vic with his second attempt. Clears it very easily. Yeah why didn't you just do that in the first place, mate? Wasting my time and your time as he fails to get out
from the fricking mat. And now we're onto the second
round of one-meter jumps. Josh there clearin' that with ease A solid jump. I'm sure his mom is very proud of him. Why is Charlie topless? Can someone explain to me
why Charlie is topless? Huh? There's no women. Who is he trying to impress? And we got Ethan now
with a one-meter jump. Just about clears it. Flippin' heck. He cut that one close. Cut it real frickin' close. - [Announcer] All right JJ with his diving into the vagina technique. Let's see if it works out for him. Oh, he's right there in the vulva. Incredible stuff. Oh, I think he's asleep. I think he's asleep in the vagina. He definitely does like
to sleep with pussies. That's not gonna stop
Harry getting involved as he also clears the bar. One metre done. Well played both of you. Oh a replay for that. Okay. I mean he did it. We already know he did it. We are we replayin' this? - [Announcer] All right. Next up we have Tobi who should easily clear this using this African legs to his
advantage, but fails! Unbelievable. I don't believe it. I can't believe it. Should I believe it? It's happened. So I guess I have to believe it. Unbelievable. Believable. - [Announcer] All right. Well I'm bored of commentating. It's been about 10 minutes and yeah I'm gonna go and get my
friend to commentate instead. I'm sure you enjoyed my 10 minutes. Hopefully it was entertaining. But yeah I'll see you guys in a bit and yeah, yeah (faintly speaking). - [Announcer] Are you sure? - [Announcer] Yeah you start commentating. - [Announcer] All right nice. - [Announcer] Okay so how do I do this? - [Announcer] Just talk. - [Announcer] I just talk? - [Announcer] Yes. - [Announcer] Okay. Is it working? - [Announcer] Yes. - [Announcer] Is it working now? - [Announcer] Yes. - Okay. Okay. Should I say my name? - [Announcer] Yes. - [Baba] Okay. Hello my name is Baba Tundi. I am going to be commentating over this... Well I don't know what exactly it is but either way I'm going
to commentate over it. We have it is Josh? - [Announcer] You know
who these people are. - [Baba] Okay, okay, it's Josh. Okay Josh failed to do the jump. So he's going to be doing the jump again and he failed again. Ah that is a shame. He tried so hard, but
it just didn't work out. That is a replay of him failing. And now we have Ethan. Ethan with the jump and failure. - [Announcer] And yo 1.2 metres. - [Baba] Okay. So this is 1.2 metres for the record. Okay so Ethan tried to do it again and he failed again. His ancestors are rolling in their grave. Now we have, JJ. JJ with the... As you said a vagina. - [Announcer] The vagina jump. - [Baba] The vagina what? - [Announcer] The vagina jump. - [Baba] Okay. Yeah, that he tried to do
the vagina jump and failed. And now he's going to
try again with this jump. Ah, so close yet so far. So far. And it is a fail. He failed it again. And that is it no more chances. Now Harry with the chance. Harry with the jump. He cleared it. But the bar had some juju or something and he failed. Oh he hit it. That also happened. He tried it again. Ah. No Harry did not succeed. That is a shame. Now Tobi with the chance. Oh he obliterated the whole team! (men laugh). The whole team got obliterated. Oh, oh. Oh tobi. Anyway Tobi with it again. He tried it again and he failed again. Everybody is failing. No one can do that 1.2. No one can do the 1.2. Can Simon do the 1.2? Yes he can. Let us celebrate. Let us celebrate to the heavens. (man hums) Simon, did it. Simon, did it. Simon managed to do it. I prayed and this is what happened. Thank the Lord for
allowing Simon to do it. We had to at least have one person do it. Now we have Vic. Can he be the second person to do it? Ah no. He is not going to do it with that nuncy behaviour. So hopefully he can do it the second time. No touching the bar. Oh no. He loves touching everything. He loves touching everything. What a failure. What a failure. Anyway, that is it for the high jump. Oh we going to look at
the replay of the fail. (laughs) Oh, it's so funny. (crowd applauds) Anyway these are the standings. Pretty much Simon gets gold. Everyone else gets silver. Okay. Okay so onto the javelin. So we're going to have JJ first. So let's see what he... Or hear what he has to say. - I am going to kill the lion. (men laugh) The lion is going to die. The lion is going to die. It's going to die. It's going to die. - Oh it's in. It's in. It fuckin' stuck. (men clap) - That lion's gone mate. That lion's out of there. - You killed that lion, mate. - [Announcer] Why does he sound like me? Eh, I don't know. But he did bad. - I'm going to kill the giraffe. The giraffe is going to die. The giraffe is going to die. The giraffe. The giraffe is going to die. Oh you're going to die. You're going to die. (man groans) - Double foul. - It was a foul anyway. - [Baba] Well that attempt
was an abomination. He would not survive in my tribe. In my tribe we have endo dragons and we still kill them with our spear.
- He is going to die. Yeah you're buzzing around. You think you can get away from this? (men chuckle) Come here beast. Hey I'm going to kill you. You think you're safe in the air, huh? No not today. Not today. (men laugh) - You got a lion, mate. Well done. - I'll take the lion. (men clap) I'll take the lion. - I don't really know what I'm doing. I've been told to treat
it like a paper aeroplane. That's what I'm going to do. It's going to fly. - All right mate. Number one Indian javelin. - [Man] He got the speed. He got the speed. (men laugh) - I hit myself. - Why has he done a flip? - Mate, you're stickin' this. It's stickin', mate. - [Man] Oh wait hang on. (men laugh) - I stuck it. I stuck it with the bag. Yes. - [Man] That's stuck. That's stuck well done. (men applaud) - [Baba] I guess they
have a different technique of killing things in Asia. Well played anyway. - Come on, mate. Impress us again. Speed, mate. Lookin' good. - [Baba] Next up we have Ethan. I am expecting big things
from this black man. (men laugh) - Stick motherfucker. Stick. - Oh. He fouled. - Well that's not a foul. - He massively fouled. - [Baba] Well, as we can see on the replay he did in fact touch the white line. So it is a foul. - [Man] Fucking hell. - Oy. You must've gone over the line. - [Baba] As we can see from the replay, he did again touch the
(chuckles) white line. So it's a fail. - [Man] Oh my God. (men groan) - [Baba] So he got nothing. (men clap) What a failure. - Valiant effort. That was the right technique. I think Tobi's got it, mate. Let's go, gizzle. - [Man] Let's go Tobi gizzle. - Yeah chuck that. Chuck that. (men groan) Unlucky, mate. Chuck that. (men cheer and clap) - Fuckin' lit. - [Announcer] Tobi you will not be getting any beatings from your parents. Instead you will get the
finest (faintly speaking). - You got this. - I reckon you could beat that one. Oh geez. All right. All right. (men groan) Good effort, good effort. (men clap) - [Baba] And now we have the Ganzi boy as he does a little dance to try and make it rain. - [Men] Let's go, Bogo. (claps) Let's go, Bogo. - I reckon he's got this. (men chuckle) (man grunts) He's charging up. He's charging. - He's over 9,000. (men cheer and clap) Technique. That is fuckin' far. - [Baba] What a throw from the Ganze boy. I'm sure he's going to shag
his sister in celebration. - Oh two stickers. (men clap and chuckle) - [Baba] Next up we have Simon who looks very unhappy. Maybe because he find out
he's adopted or something. - Oh no. I think he's got it, mate. I think he's got this. I hope it's good. The grip is solid. (men chuckle) - [Baba] What a stupid throw. (man grunts) - Simon just secure it first. (men laugh) - No man, go for it. Nice.
- Yes. (men cheer and applaud) - [Man] Well done, mate. Well done. - [Baba] That was a very
big throw from Simon. To make sure he wasn't second last. Because Ethan is last. Ethan is last. He's in last place. Next up, Josh. - He's got his foot over the line. (men laugh) He's over the line.
- He's over. - He's over? - [Man] Oh here we go. Here comes the effort now. - [Man] Holy shit. Oh geez. Oh geez. Oh, wow. Be careful, be careful,
be careful, be careful. (men groan) - Yes. - Two places away from last. (man groans) - [Baba] Okay well
these are the standings, but they are wrong. JJ should be in fifth place and Josh and Ethan
should be in last place. Joint last. Didn't even get a point. So this makes no sense. This video makes no sense. But hey Harry wins at least. So that's that. Now onto long jump. First of all we have Harry who was getting ready to jump far. Let's see what he does. - Here he comes. The big boy! - [Man] In line, in line, in line. - [Baba] Oh what a big jump. He really went for it. - [Man] Let's go, Ethan. He got this, he got this. (men laugh and clap) - [Baba] Ha, ha, ha he looked so funny. - [Man] Oh geez. - He's sorta dragged along
at the end there the feet. - Oh he's takin' a long time. Oh, you did drag them. - [Man] Foul, foul, foul. That's a foul. - It doesn't matter where you end. It's a foul, bro. Get up. - [Baba] Let's look at the thing Oh he fouled. Josh's eyes failing. Simon is next to jump. (men exclaim and laugh) - Where's he gone, mate? I think he's dead. - What up, mate? - Oh my God, he can't see. - [Man] That's all right, mate. - No I think he's beat a couple of people. I think he's beaten me. Oh he's pickin' up some speed here. - [Man] Oh my, God.
- Oh yes. (men laugh) - Yo I think this is close. I'm gonna go look. I'm gonna look. Yo I think he might've beaten us. - We are... - [Man] Ouch. - Ow. There ain't no way he's gettin' this. There ain't no way he's getting this. - [Baba] He dived in like a cannon ball and made an explosion. That sandy explosion. - Oh that's a biggun. Oh he can't see. (men exclaim) Oh wait.
- Yeah he's won. He's won. He's won yeah. That's a true champion right there. - [Baba] Oh my God. He jumped so high. He pretty much touched the heavens. - [Man] Jump. Jump. That was a good jump. - It was a good jump, mate. - That was good. - [Man] The gold medallion. - [Man] The gold medallion. (men cheer) - We can have a potential foul. - I would like an adjudication. I think it might've been a foul as well.
- I think it might've been a foul there. - [Man] Come on, gobo. Let's go. - [Man] Go on bobag. It's your final attempt bobag. Nice, mate. - Oh not bad. - No he slid, he slid. He slid very far, yeah. Oh he's gonna mess it up. No. (men laugh) - He fuckin' walked around after. (men laugh) - What's the point? He just slid, oh no. - I was further back. - Why would you take away his best score? It doesn't matter, does it? - [Baba] That is it. (men applaud) That is the final event and concludes the Sumo Olympics. Thank you for watching. This has been Baba Tundi. Shut up. I'll show the video. Okay you know? Fuck you. Buy some Simon and clothing match. And yeah thank you for listening to me. Good bye. ♪ Switch up the thing as I hit bellow ♪ ♪ Switch up the thing as I drink mellow ♪ ♪ Switch up the thing
in my black and yellow ♪ ♪ So fresh, clean saw the thing
and she popped like hello ♪ ♪ Drink from the bottle
while makin' the puddle ♪
