Shrek explained by an idiot

welcome to shrek where shrek is wiping his ass with fairy tale malarkey and ah the classic he goes about his daily disgusting ogre routines like fishing with his own [ __ ] gas fine art and chasing off pitchfork mobs who are after him because there are rewards out for fairy tale mystical magical [ __ ] by the way if this is the only window in his house they probably should have seen him leave meaning he couldn't sneak up on them like this but whatever maybe he has a secret backdoor or something [Music] anyway he scares them off then we transition over two people handing over their fairy tale creators over to the royal author it has for some cash oh look guys slavery and one of these witches is a talking donkey that escapes their grasp runs away and takes refuge inside the shrike's butt shrek scares them off and right then and there donkey decides that they are bffs for life and shrek is now stuck with an annoying ass get it because he's a donkey also you guys notice how this is like sid and manny from ice age that's the only real similarity everything else is different i think anyway shrek tries to scare away a [ __ ] donkey but you definitely need some tic tacs or something cause your breath stinks wait they have tic tacs in this universe doesn't matter donkey's unbothered by shrek's ogreness and tricks annoyed as [ __ ] by donkey's dipshitness and after he magically teleports away from his hoof tracks he begs him to stay with him and he allows him to stay there for one night and one night only outside and that night he has a ear candle wax lit dinner is he not at all annoyed by the imbalancing clarity of hearing between his two ears like does he doesn't matter cause he notices fairytale creatures are breaking into his house bro how the [ __ ] did they get a whole [ __ ] uh sleeping beauty in there without opening the door whatever maybe failure tail magic i guess he then finds out that the whole swamp has been taken over by these fairy tale cats because apparently one lord farquaad has evicted them all from their lands and sent them over to his land because he can't get him away because he's too scary all in the name of making his kingdom perf you know just perf so they're forced to squat there and shrek's like all right listen who knows where this lord [ __ ] what is ooh me anyone else literally anyone anyone fine attention all fairy tale [ __ ] and he announces that he's gonna go over there and talk to the lord [ __ ] what to make him give him the lamb back so they can leave him alone then we transitioned to mitchukwa dunking the gingerbread man in some milk to force him to tell him where all the rest of the fairytale creatures are and i don't know how he's not crumbling from all that milk making his body you know a little more soft and [ __ ] but whatever we get the best ever muffin man joke dude this movie is a [ __ ] post before she posted the thing i swear squad dude then brings in a magic mirror and asks whether his kingdom is the most perfect kingdom of all and the mirror is like uh czechnically you're not a king but all you have to do to become one is marry my princess wait so what type of ruler is he a prince where's his family then i don't know what's going on man it doesn't doesn't matter an important mirror dude gives him three choices of women to marry instead of choosing between the perfect housewife or a [ __ ] doll that he knows the exact whereabouts of he chooses fiona who is stuck in a tower guarded by a fire-breathing dragon smartest choice after a while she also turns into an ogre at night but that is the fact he's too ignorant to listen to and he's going to make a tournament for uh knights or something like that and the winner goes to rescue her for him and bring her back right meanwhile shrek and donkey arrive at dual [ __ ] castle they insert an adult joke in a kid's movie then they scare this guy and shrek walks through the like i don't know whatever these [ __ ] things are called which is stupid because he can just unhook them with a brain dead piece of groin juice anyway they continue going through this thing which i forget what it's called too but it's like them you see in metro stations and whatever which is also not functional so why the [ __ ] you even have it there doesn't matter they don't find anyone in the whole town and we get another ship post adult joke that i'm pretty sure all the kids still got you know one of the best things about adulting is noticing all these filthy grown-up jokes in kids movies that's basically it everything else is trash they're going to find a tournament where apparently the whole kingdom is supposedly kind of a small population if i'm honest but who cares because [ __ ] nobody at all notices the giant ogre and his donkey in the focal point of the whole arena while [ __ ] water is giving a speech and his plan is that the winner of the settlement goes to rescue the queen or princess fiona and if he doesn't make it they'll send the next person like second place and so on and so forth but my thing is how the [ __ ] will you know if he fails if he doesn't exactly send a telegram when he dies does he has no [ __ ] kill feed in this movie right so why don't you send them all at the same time this is kind of stupid in it we're taught a [ __ ] anyway [ __ ] finally notices them and orders his champions to kill shrek but him and donkey handled them with easy to get a giant beer kick and a [Music] they get them all on short quad puts his crossbows at them and has an idea he proclaims that shrek is his champion and he's going to go on this quest and rescue if you want to fire him and checks like what [ __ ] quest i'm already on a quest with a generic mule and he explains his whole situation so [ __ ] what tells him if he does this quest for him he'll give him his land back and evict all fair tech which is from his land and giving them their land you know [ __ ] him off you get the point and stretch like well what if i don't want to well then i kill you they start their journey to fiona's castle shrek compares himself to a raw onion he's eating and we get a short travel montage they make to the castle that's on top of an active volcano and donkey blindly reverses his way over this unstable bridge now that's [ __ ] talent and once inside donkey is scared as hell so shrek's like you go find the stairs that lead to the princess and i'll go find the dragon and suddenly although donkey's all alone he's not scared anymore where's the logic in that i don't know also splitting up in dangerous movie situations is almost always the worst idea ever they are [ __ ] morons anyway the reverse actually ends up happening donkey finds a dragon and shrek finds a fiona donkey starts running for his little dumbass life getting chased by the [ __ ] dragon so shrek gets ahold of its tail and he gets i don't know what the appropriate sound effect here is but he gets launched over to fiona's tower it traps donkey but lucky for him he has charisma stats that are big i'm talking high as [ __ ] you dig and he flirts with the lady dragon till she gets so wet that she takes him over to her lair man i miss eddie murphy meanwhile fiona running up for her first meet with her savior i don't know how she survived there all that long maybe she got airdropped food or something or does she have running water or any water source i don't know doesn't matter because she's ready for her first time mouse sex with her savior and he softly comes in like what the [ __ ] up [ __ ] we gotta go but this [ __ ] bs our first death meeting is shouldn't it be as romantic as this yeah nah mate it's not gonna [ __ ] work we gotta leave now and he takes her to go save donkey from dragon sex that we all know is eventually gonna happen he puts the dragon on the choker kind of hot not gonna lie and makes her kiss his ass then they run away from her zigzag around and he locks the chains together to kind of trap her in there while they run for safety across a bridge and she burns it they drop she's just you know leashed up short enough to not be able to get to them and they get away with their life leaving the honey dragon behind and at the base of the mountain she's like remove with vi helmut so i can kiss the yeah nah sheila this ain't gonna fly he's scottish i don't know why i'm doing an australian accent don't mind me he takes it off and she's actually surprised that he's an augur how in a million [ __ ] did you not notice this you blind [ __ ] clark can't pull [ __ ] aside he explains the whole deal with his swamp and [ __ ] and she's like oh [ __ ] that if he wants to save me should save me something like sounds like a you problem [ __ ] and he takes her by force to go over to duke castle shrek wants to get to the castle one day as fast as possible through the night and stuff but she throws his fit over staying over somewhere at night and they find a place to camp in a cave and they throw her in there so she can turn into an ogre while they don't notice and they talk at night shrek's like everybody hates me because i'm ugly no one wants to get to know me and he's like nah man you beautiful on the inside he's like really mean uh [ __ ] i don't man then we cut to a quick peek of lord [ __ ] what about to masturbate to fiona he 100 looked at his dick right there you cannot convince me otherwise that mirror is about to get traumatized anyway next morning fiona's up bright and early to murder a bird in cold blood using sound waves and she uses her kids to make meals for shrek and donkey because she feel bad for shrek then they make their way on the journey again and get interrupted by the most vile of creatures on earth a [ __ ] frenchman and his henchmen of married men it's supposed to be robin hood all right and she beats them all the [ __ ] up who's in karate tai chi kung fu cuando stopping time for them and gravity for her dunking shrek is like wow but she's like oh my god shrek your ass what his other ass so the merry men shot one arrow that ricocheted off a bunch of trees instead of sticking into them and hit shrinking the ass really okay whatever tries to pull the thing out of strict's ass but they roll over actually on second time then succeeds are pulling it out and donkey's like no it is not because it's a disney movie and they don't allow blood or dreamworks same same doesn't matter what i'm really concerned with is how the arrow did not go further up into his ass or at least cause him more pain when he rolled over this is [ __ ] [ __ ] whatever though because they keep moving and bond over cotton candy flyweb things and making balloon animals out of animal balloons that float which means that they exhale pure helium or something even lighter than that to counteract the density and weight of the animal's bodies whatever they continually have duck in sight and fiona comes up with some donkey [ __ ] reason to camp out another night then donkey [ __ ] blocks them from smooching over the campfire and she goes to the milhouse cause sunset is that a simpson's character you understand what i mean right the windmill thing with jake anyway donkey's like oh i see what's going on you finn attacked that human [ __ ] with that big ass ogre dick shut up you falling in love shut up you wanna give us some of that shrekkas love shrek is live three minutes 2001 that but it isn't even out yet and he goes on a sad walk while donkey tries to talk to fifi ona and he finds her as an ogre he freaks out she calms him down and explains to him that this one happened since forever because a [ __ ] cursed her a witch cursed her same thing really and only a true love's kiss can break this curse and have love take its true form and she starts talking [ __ ] about her organisms which is the only part that shrek overhears and misunderstands her talking about him when he huffs off in a sadness in an anger and yeah and he hops off in anger she makes donkey promise not to tell shrek's secret and next day shrek brings over the [ __ ] what [ __ ] squad like here's your guy [ __ ] i heard what you were saying last night you know what [ __ ] you they have a misunderstanding confusion and part ways she like [ __ ] it i want to marry this guy pronto like today midgets like oh no doubt and we speed through a montage where everybody is [ __ ] sad as [ __ ] strike goes back to swamp that is now vacant of all the mystical [ __ ] fiona getting running for her marriage also sad as [ __ ] like i said and donkey also said a [ __ ] because he had like falling out with shrek meeting an escaped somehow escaped the lady dragon and he goes back over to shrek to make up with him telling him that fiona wasn't talking [ __ ] about him she was talking [ __ ] about someone else and he's like really who donkey's like i can't tell you it's a secret and they are friends again and shrek's like them i love her i gotta go stop the wedding and they ride the dragon over to duke kingdom and swings are kind of tiny right in comparison to the rest of his body you know he shouldn't be able to fly should it whatever shrek movie who cares they got to the wedding and shrek stops them before they kiss and confess his love to fiona and [ __ ] was like [ __ ] guys in love with a woman ah so she's like eat a bag of dicks you stupid [ __ ] cut and lets the sun go down and she shows everyone that she transforms into an ogre and [ __ ] was like ew disgusting heathen and orders all these guards to seize them both and kill shrek i think but donkey and his dragon girlfriend come to the rescue and the dragon eats [ __ ] shrek and fiona kiss and she rises up to magically transform into the same [ __ ] person right i get a true love's kiss and take two love's form but was ogrness her true love's form because she kissed an order or because she kissed when she was an older i demand clarification or not i'm just a [ __ ] who cares they get married eddie murphy sings finito this movie gets one point seven eight two nine five three four six eight nine seven one eight two zero zero zero one three out of an [Music] there we go decipher that [ __ ] [Music] [Music]

Channel: High Boi

Views: 2,626,592

Keywords: high boi, shrek

Id: ffP-A1DdSZc

Length: 10min 48sec (648 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 29 2022

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxw-5qfJ1dk