I hate it when you realize somebody's using you. Cause in your mind, you're like, "Yay! Friendship!" But in reality, mhm-mm. I'm chilling at my boy's house. Let's just call him Logan Paul. It's not really Logan Paul. Me and Logan are hanging out. One of Logan's friends shows up. This cute girl. Let's call her Julia Kelly. It's not really Julia Kelly. Me, Logan, and Julia hang out for three hours, and then me and Logan walk Julia to her car. We get to Julia's car and then Logan goes, "Swoozie, look away while I tell Julia goodbye." So I'm assuming he's kissing this girl goodbye. A few weeks later, I'm on instagram. I am deep down the rabbit hole of the search page and I find this random girl. Let's call her Chantel. It's not really Chantel. Fast forward to the next night, I get a push notification that she's doing a livestream. She's on the stream and she goes, "Guys, I'm so bored. Who should I call?" Someone in the chat goes, "Aye, call your boy Logan Paul." Logan don't even be messing with me like that. Like he just, like won't even reply to my texts. Not even four days later, guess who I bump into as I'm walking into a meeting? Logan Paul. I link up with Logan after the meeting, and I'm like, "Bro. How do you know Chantel?" How are you not trying to wifey her up? Man, iunno, I'm just not even feeling her like that. He takes out his phone, and facetimes her. Then he's like, "Yo, let me introduce you to my boy Swoozie." And he hands me the phone and I'm like, "*giggles* Hiii, yeah, no, uh." We talk for a hot minute. I gave Logan back his phone, but I'm like, "Alright, Phase 2: when I leave, text her later tonight and be like, yo, when are me, you, and Swooz gon kick it?" I go home, go to sleep, wake up the next day. Chantel posted some snaps. Logan is on every single one of her snaps. Starting at 10 pm the night before, till like 2 am that morning. Word? This is like that kid who has all the toys and ignores 'em until a friend comes over and is like, "Can I play with - " "NO!" MY TOYS! Get away. TFTI I went and looked at his snapchat; not a single post. Not one. I'm not gon lie, that made me feel some type of way. How you gonna do me like that? Let's fast forward a little bit. I'm going down the list replying to dm's, and then I see a message from Julia. Hey you, please tell me you live in LA. Seems innocent, right? Two dm's back and forth, numbers already exchanged. Y'all know how it is. Julia texts me and says, "Hey. What're you doin' tonight?Let's link up." So I meet up with her at In-N-Out. We hang out at In-N-Out for a little bit, eat, come back here. So we're there talkin', we're just talkin' about life and then she's like, "I don't know if I'm gonna be in LA much longer, like this might be my last month here." We're talkin' for a little bit, and we get on the topic of celebrities. Then she goes, "Yeah, I hang out with Chris a lot, and whenever there's other girls around, they get mad because Chris takes all their phones, but I get to keep mine." Chris. You talkin' about Chris Brown? Yeah! Chris is so cool. I hang out with him", and then she names like all these other A-list celebrities. And I believe her 'cause I mean the girl is freakin' gorgeous. So I'm like, "Why come, you're so special?" She goes, "Well, see all these other girls hook up with them, but I don't. So I think I'm like, the prize they're trying to win." Then she pulls out her phone and shows me video of her selfie-ing with these celebrities. I finished watching the video, this girl leans in, and kisses me. Not hyping it up for the YouTube, not exaggerating. Okay, skrrrrttt. You and Logan, what's up with that? I'm not tryna.. So, he really wants me, but I've already told him, we had the talk, like we're just friends. Yeah, but we walked you to the car, and he kissed you doe. Like, I told him not to do that again. Hmm. So then I'm thinkin', "What do I have that Chris Brown, all these other A-list celebrities, and Logan don't have?" Like what's so special about me that literally the first time we hang out by ourselves.. So it's like 1 or 2 am now. We're on this couch watching tv, she starts rubbing my leg. And then she goes, "Is it cool if I spend the night?" I mean, I guess. So then she's like, "Alright, let me borrow some pajamas." Go in my bedroom, give her some pajamas, she's on the bed. Come back outside, turn off all the lights, go back in the bedroom, and she's asleep. Forty seconds for me leaving the bedroom and coming back, you're asleep? You coulda slept in the guest bedroom, but you slept in my bed: note to self. Next morning I wake up and she's like, "Okay, I gotta go. Uh, is it okay if I keep these clothes? My uber's here." Uh, it's, it's whatevers. Now I was gonna tell Logan about this, but then I was like, "I'll just tell him.. Tomorrow." Three days later, I get another text from her. Hey, what're you doing tonight? Let's kick it. This is like at midnight. She comes over. She asks to spend the night. I say, "Mm." She asks for some clothes to wear. I say, "Mm." I brush my teeth, come back out, jump in the bed. Me and Julia start making out a little bit. Two minutes into this make out session, she rolls over like, "Goodnight!" A few nights later I'm hanging out with my boy Alex Wassabi, and I tell him this whole story. And he looks at me and he goes, "Bro, you're the sexless innkeeper." What? What is that? Sexless innkeeper. They make you think some stuff's gonna go down, but they're just using you as like a hotel. I decided I'm gonna test this theory. Julia hits me up a day later. Hey, what're you doing tonight? I text her back, "Hey, I can't chill. I'm editing. But if you wanna chill tomorrow, between 10 am and 5pm." No text back. Two days later, another text from Julia. Hey, what're you doing tonight? I'm editing again tonight boo, I'm sorry. But listen, I'm free all weekend long, during the day. She texted me like two or three more times throughout the week. And I just basically tell her nights are not good for me. I'll hang out with you whenever you want, just during the day. And yeah, ever since I took spending the night off the table, I have not seen or heard from this girl since. So hard out here for a pimp.
