Simpin' ain't Pimpin'

so this is my i'm pretending to be a therapist on the internet outfit do you like it i'm the kind of guy who knows what he wants and how he wants it i got big dreams i got drive with that being said i have a lot of insecurities and i'm gonna tell you guys a little story about how recently i fell into a little simp pocket and ended up crying like a little punk and not just in front of my friends because i did that i cried in front of friends and a bunch of total randoms that crying that you gotta go find a window and put your hand on it while you cry that kind of crying it's like i thought i had this simp stuff under control it's basically when you bring forward a certain energy and that person of interest is not matching that energy you're bringing 90 they're bringing 10 percent reciprocation because i've learned this can happen in the middle of a relationship or even in the fourth quarter you're that dog waiting at home in front the door all day waiting for his human human gets home man that dog's a simp the simpin ain't pimpin my main goal is to protect my heart so for a little over a year i've been single but taken but single i met this girl we be kicking it and she was just chill about everything i don't think i saw anything ever bother this girl we're going to call her new york girl and we're going to stop there because any more details and you're going to go down to the police station you're going to have a whole bulletin board with the red ribbons and the strings i know how y'all are y'all got safari open already unless i get to know just listen let's relax just enjoy the story okay it's tea time and i will go on wax right now and say everything that happened is my fault so you know i had new york girl and then i had other friend girls but the more i hung out with new york girl the less i wanted to hang out with these other friend girls so then the friend girls would start sending me texts like i miss you can i come over friday or saturday i'm here hitting them back like i'm busy that day like that's what's starting to happen i'm not trying to be out here on no sim stuff okay so i'm always watching people's energy and i'm trying to match it if i fly into your town and you pick me up from the airport when you come to visit me i pick you up from the airport you buy me flowers i am buying you flowers what i look like that's past the girlfriend line right there okay i'm from the streets don't let the cleanup confuse you i'm from the trenches okay i didn't see grass till the fourth grade it was street sidewalk dirt and i definitely didn't see no flowers until i was like 17 and a half years old we could go into trust issues and all that fun stuff we're just going to skip all that because we're going to get to the good stuff me crying you catch flights not feelings but stupid me one day woke up and i got the thought you know what like one day if she randomly gets her boyfriend and is done with me that's gonna like suck like not being with her i'm like a hundred percent taking her for granted so i should probably put a ring on it i don't tell her this but i actually start really liking this girl my plan is i'm gonna go there let her know how i feel i want to put a ring on it so i tell her yo let me just fly out we'll kick it for three and a half days boom but in reality i'm gonna fly out there let her know how i feel and we could get for 10 days that's the plan so this is either going to be a really short trip or a really long trip so i get there and i let her know that i'll be there for 10 days and her reaction i noticed a little a day and a half after i get there my sus radar starts going off like flags everywhere i'm gonna keep it one hundo p with y'all my sus radar started going off weeks before but again that's just your inner batman trying to put stuff together you don't have any evidence you're gonna look crazy but anyways that's a different story for a different video i'm not trying to put her business out on the street so we're gonna skip a bunch of details here on day three i wake up in my hotel she's off with her roommates and she's with them all day we're not talking four five six seven hours i mean all day mind you these are the same group of people that you see every day i fly across the country to come see your dumb butt and then you pick hanging out with them over hanging out with me word i don't know about y'all but to me that's extremely disrespectful that's just to me my two little cousins mina and malik in atlanta they love me they're always calling me like donde please come see us we miss you i flew over atlanta like bye my gaming buddies in texas i flew right over texas bye these guys are always on discord like bro we miss you so much we haven't seen you since like the fourth grade when we saw grass for the first time you remember that i flew over my friends i flew over my family to come see you and it was at that moment that i realized simp party of one i'm the puppy in my simp video waiting for their human to get home and simpin ain't pimpin yum chan and this is how i transitioned slowly into the sim position without even knowing so she gets back to my hotel room around 1 20 am and i'm just like oh so how was your day she's like it's fine how was yours total deflection when she gets out the shower i pull my batman cards i go in the room and i'm just like uh so are we going to talk about this other dude or nah she's over here like what what what what what what how did you know there's another dude uh well i was a lifeguard for six years and i'm an animator so pretty much all i do is read the room and study people's behaviors i'm assuming it's one of your new roommates we don't talk about it or not we're adults you're technically single you can do whatever you want and this is her response well he likes me i don't really like him and i'm sitting here listening like so essentially you're telling me this is a dude you don't have to worry about right because every time i've heard that before so then she says to me she says you know what tomorrow i'm just gonna shut it down it's not it's nothing but i'm just gonna shut it down and i'm here thinking if it's nothing cut this dude off in a text i need to do this face to face listen you're single i'm single everybody's single we're adults if you want to be with this dude be with this dude i would never work because reasons okay that's fine whatever and me skipping so many details is really going to water down the emotional effect of how i reacted but still again just keeping it pushing we're getting to the t then she says to me she says you know tomorrow i'm just gonna leave early and go back to the house and cut it off and we're good i wake up the next day she gone she's gone for about six and a half hours and then she comes back walks into the doorway and i see her and i'm just like so how did it go she walks in and goes there's no easy way for me to say this but me and you we're done she walks over grabs her bag and heads to the door and i'm just like plot twist literally that exchange was like a 10 second exchange like hey me and you are done and she was trying to bounce like that you're just gonna come in here grab your bag and leave like you ain't even gonna offer me a brofist all those trips we went on and all those hundreds of hours invested i don't deserve an explanation or even any closure nyc girl doesn't have a voice in this story so i'm gonna give her a little bit of a voice i had ample opportunity to lock this girl down and i didn't could i put a ring on it but i didn't just because now all of a sudden i want to i can't expect everybody's going to operate on my timeline so that's why i say technically this is all my fault however comma do me one little favor let me know you got something else going on before i get on a plane if you put me in a position where you gotta choose between me and the other dude choose the other dude i want you to be happy i'ma look trying to hold on to somebody that doesn't want to be with me oh so you're just gonna keep texting that other dude you think you'll be happier with him yeah okay bye so i go over to the window and i'm watching her walk to her car and i feel it bubbling but i'm like no hold it in hold it down man you're not going to cry do not put your hand under glass and cry no don't have me out here looking stupid please let me jump on wax and give new york girl a little bit more of a voice i don't know if this is her personal thoughts or not but i could imagine it's not a fun feeling being locked in the always maybe category and being locked in there for a year plus i imagine that's not a fun spot especially when you've tried to voice going beyond just that so i'm sitting there in the hotel room by myself and i bust out my best oh and wilson wow i'm here for seven more days by myself wow nah nick's that cancel my flight go downstairs to front desk cancel my hotel room book the next flight out of there call an uber so i'm sitting there at the gate mask on hoodie up and i'm sitting there and i can just feel my chest getting tight but i'm not going to cry though okay not today because i technically didn't even date this girl and i'm definitely not crying over somebody that i didn't even date y'all there was no music playing in this entire airport but i'm guessing the airport dj was somewhere looking at surveillance cameras and he was seeing me and he was like this guy right here he looks like a really sad simp i should play some love songs cause all of a sudden i hear [Music] i power through lana and the very next song starts to play where are you yeah actually let me dial it back a little bit because i sounded exactly like lana and bieber right there and i don't want to get any copyright strikes on my channel so moving forward i'm just not going to try as hard okay all right i'm not gonna cry okay i'm not gonna cry this is sparta the third song comes on cause i really need somebody and i couldn't hold it in anymore okay a tear a thug tear singular dropped down from my left eye there was this one girl who was sitting right across from me and she was just staring at me there's a rule when you're out in public and you randomly make eye contact with a complete stranger you just look away nobody told her about the rule today because she was just there like so then i'm just like bump this nonsense i'm putting on my headphones and if you're like me you put about five to ten songs into your rotation at a time and you play those same songs every day over and over so i start playing those songs and they just weren't hitting and i'm like i just need something ratchet something that's going to make me feel empowered that's going to make me want to start a fight in the club and when you're in this mood you don't know what you want to hear but when you hear it you know i can tell you right now what i wanted to hear because i've had some time to think about it i needed to hear something like it ain't nothing to cut that chick off that's what i needed to hear so i put my songs on shuffle and guess what was the first song i played i don't even have the original hotline bling on my phone i have the wii hotline bling background music remix that's the one that was playing look it up then i get this notification on my watch you're in a competition with master he just finished the workout and he's kicking your butt i already took one hell today i'm not taking two so i get up and i just start walking hotline bling is still playing skip skip skip and i don't wanna be somebody without your body close to me i love how my phone is acting like it can't get dropped off at salvation army you've ever had those days when you're having a bad day and you figure oh how can i get any worse and the universe starts kicking you in the face repeatedly that i started my steps and i know i look like a weirdo i'm over here looking like come on come on work morphing time in this piece sabato's tiger come on you got this i feel the universe or god is trying to get me to cry and i'm not gonna break skip skip skip i'm hearing all these sad songs i'm skip skip skip you don't have to say what skip skip skip skip now you do somebody that skip skip skip skip and then it happened if i could stay whitney houston i will always love you i really wish i was making this up to be funny but it wasn't funny and that was it whitney houston i will always love you it starts playing i'm just like oh jesus fell to the ground okay i caught myself okay i have fast reflexes i held onto that rail and i just squeezed it i couldn't hold it no more y'all i busted out like i ripped open i was crying alligator tears i'm not i'm not stopping i kept on doing my laps everybody that make eye contact with as i'm doing my laps is staring me down like their phone no longer entertaining this dude's crying what's going on here there's this older couple that i keep walking by and it was obvious they were talking about me honey honey remember how they were talking about simps on the line i think that's one of them right there first the airport djs against me then my cell phones against me and then i get a call from lana so i see a gate that has nobody in it so i walk over take out my phone and i'm trying to do that thing where you answer the phone and you talk but you don't sound like you're in the middle of crying and this is me i forgot to tell you guys um so because of my trust issues i haven't dated anybody in over five years so i might have told one two or seven friends that i'm going out to new york and i'm most likely gonna try to put a ring on it so they were waiting in great anticipation to hear how things were going in new york remember that part where i was just like don't have me out here looking stupid that lana was one of those people that i told so she's calling to check in on progress it could have been better are you crying all of a sudden you just hear lana typing on a keyboard her last name all i need is her last name just tell me her last name i got you boo boo whenever you're crying and talking to a friend there's always something that you have to repeat over and over my phrase on that call was it's always for some mother dude lana it's always for some other dude and i started feeling myself and i added a second phrase i'm never good enough not i'm never good enough because it's always for some other dude lana i know you've been on the receiving end listening to one of your friends cry on the phone and it's never a comfortable situation and i'm crying i'm explaining everything that's happened to lana and i realize i'm starting to talk a little bit louder let me look around and see how quiet i need to be talking and there's another dude sitting right behind me this dude is like sitting back to back with me i didn't see him or hear him come around he just poofed i couldn't see his face you could tell the dude was sitting there like and guys i'm not making this up to be funny this all actually happened the dj's messing with me my phone's messing with me lana called me this dude randomly is dropping on my conversation i'm over here crying over some girl that i didn't even date if that's not some sim stuff i don't know what is inland is a good friend so she calms me down and then they started boarding my plane and i got on and i'm never going back to new york just kidding the food there is too amazing so some of you guys might have seen back in the new year when i was posting on my socials like hey guys i'm having some girl problems not really feeling creative this is the reason why i wasn't able to put out a video between january and march me and new york girls still have not talked i have no closure i have no idea what's going on she let me know that when i'm ready to talk that we can talk i just take a really long time to heal so maybe in like four years i'll hit her up like hey so um you remember that day and yeah things could have been my oh sh look at the time guys that's all we have for this therapy session but real talk guys thank you for being patient with me from january until now believe it or not it's been a very rough patch for me we're we're seeming like we're in the clear right now i just have to make sure that my heart was right before i can get back on my youtube you feel me all right love you guys lots cut it it's a wrap here you go five four three two

Channel: sWooZie

Views: 1,349,565

Rating: 4.9434018 out of 5

Keywords: swoozie, adande, animation, funny, 2d

Id: R59S7WbUQcE

Length: 17min 15sec (1035 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 14 2021