Scales: The Insane Mermaid Movie Nobody Asked For

what's up Greg I hope you're having a great day welcome back to my channel this of course is another episode of dan dan the mermaid man over the past couple weeks I've gotten a couple requests from people asking me to review this movie called scales mermaids are real it's a movie that's on Netflix it came out in 2017 I don't know if it originally came out on Netflix or not I also while just googling it while I'm sitting down to record this video I realized that the movie apparently has two names it's called scales mermaids are real and also scale a mermaid's tail so I don't know which one is the proper title but since I've had a little bit extra time on my hands recently due to unforeseen events I've had some extra time to sit down and watch this movie and I got to say out of all the different movies that give like different lower - mermaids different origin stories and backgrounds and mythology around mermaids this one is by far the worst I think it might have been kind of popular when it first came out so there's a good chance that some of you have seen it and if you have seen it then you know that this movie's got a really weird ending it's very strange there's a lot of stuff that goes totally unexplained so without further ado here's my review of scales mermaids are real so we get this really beautiful opening credits scene at the beginning of the movie it's it's sort of like flipping through an old magical book of pictures of mermaids they kind of look like they were drawn by a fourth grader so I'm not sure what's up with that and then the main character siren gives us a little narration about how she's always dreamed about living in the water my whole life I've dreamt of water not just being in or swimming in it but living in it breathing it tasting it having it huh you know I've sort of with her at first I was like yeah waters pretty cool I like drinking it but then she got a little bit too into it and I was like huh she's like I've always dreamed about water living in it tasting it breathing it loving it loving the water looking smashing the water dude and spoiler alert she is a mermaid we find out later in the movie that she's a mermaid I know big twist right so it makes sense that she would like yearn for the water I guess but I don't know like I've never heard humans talk about air that way let me get a taste of that air sorry to spoil so early on in the movie that the girl finds out she's a mermaid but I mean the movies called mermaids are real what did you expect it to be about she finds out mermaids are real and then just gets to watch them do cool shit for the rest of the movie but she doesn't get to join in oh yeah I stay pretty far away from it what does she mean she stayed pretty far away from water how do you stay far away from water your whole life I just pictured someone like inviting her over to their house and her being like um don't you have a pool and like sinks and stuff I'm sorry dude I try to stay away from that type of shit you try to stay away from water yeah cuz you never know I mean if I get too close to water I might forget how to act shit I might try to breathe it love it oh yeah then after her narration she immediately wakes up pounds two glasses of water and then goes to look out the window at the ocean that she lives right next to so what happened to staying away from water her whole life she literally lives at the ocean her room literally doesn't even have walls so she can just look at the ocean all the time so then we see siren living her average life she's got a mom who loves her she drives her to school at the beginning of the movie siren meets the new kid in town Adam who's played by Jack Dylan grazier he's actually getting bullied by Elsie Fisher because he's got brittle bones disease this isn't your fight siren get out of here you know what you scream loud enough I'll get principal Strasse out here no Hart you know I can scream loud enough my name is siren dude you know I was named after a fucking ambulance right and Adam and sirens start to become French that's important in the movie Adams got brittle bones siren is becoming his only friend in this new town that he just moved into like all the time what a weird question yeah I have this disease that gives me brittle bones Oh like all the time now they're just brittle in the mornings usually they harden around lunchtime and at night they get squishy that day siren coincidentally starts to realize that she's got some weird superpowers while sitting in science class she's just staring at this water bottle and realizes that she can move the water around with her mind she's so good at it in fact that she starts freaking herself out what is it saying did they add in gasping sounds when she said she has to go to the bathroom excuse me can I go to the bathroom I haven't seen anyone go to the bathroom in 15 years it was anyone go to the bathrooms doesn't make any sense as my bones are getting squishy but she actually doesn't go to the bathroom she goes home she's like I have superpowers I can't go to school anymore I gotta go home so we actually find out that sirens mom that we're seeing in the movie actually isn't her real mom she was adopted and her real mom died right when siren was born the next night is when everything gets real sirens friend and her mom and also sirens adopted mom all sit down to have dinner with siren to tell her that she's a mermaid honey you're a mermaid so is your birth mother so am I quite a few women in this town actually okay very funny how come I never smell like any time in the water that I don't know dude cuz you've been avoiding it your whole life for some reason he finds out that she's a mermaid so was her friend so is her friend's mom in fact a lot of women in town are mermaid no men for some reason but sirens adopted mom is not a mermaid important to note she's like one of the only women in the movie that's not a mermaid this would explain why I can't control water you can do what control water that's the mermaid thing right this makes you very unique siren if you can do this it's possible that your blood may also have healing powers which would make you very desirable to the hunters hunters so yeah there's hunters apparently there's dudes that just go around killing mermaids so that they can use their blood for healing powers because mermaids blood has healing powers their blood can heal like diseases and any injuries and these hunters want to track the mermaids down so they can use their blood to help people and their mermaids don't want that they don't want to help they're like hunters get away from us we don't want the hell we don't want to help heal anyone just leave us be we just want to play in the sea I don't understand couldn't they just like have blood drives or something and donate blood and send it to hospitals where they can use it to cure any disease but no apparently if they just want to go do their own thing have their fun little mermaid life in the ocean while we walk around up here with our brittle bone anyway siren doesn't take any of this well well this has been a really great dinner thanks for coming up so she runs off you know as girls do to take a bath you'll be okay my reflection in the mirror no hunters are gonna come try to kill you because you're just a reflection in the mirror they're gonna come and try to kill me and while she's in the bath she starts to transform [Music] ah fuck crow so she gets scared of her gross little fish feet and she hops out of the tub revealing her whole last fish body tail leg thing it's really gross why don't they make the mermaid tail look so gross and fleshy it's also weird that it doesn't Bend at all it's like too stiff a stiff mass your legs when you become a mermaid just become a stiff mass and yeah maybe stick my gross thing to keep saying over and over but you know what it is a stiff mass okay it kind of just looks like one leg it's like both of her legs fused together into one big beefy lay it like in this movie mermaids don't have like pretty looking tails they've just got one big beefy leg instead of two little ones so she's so grossed out by this big stiff mass that she actually falls on the floor in faint is my real mom alive yes she lives in the ocean Oh yikes that's rough so sirens real mom has actually been alive this whole entire time but she's a mermaid so she's been like living in the ocean doing whatever mermaids do I guess sirens mom wanted to protect her from the hunters I seems like that didn't work did it cuz what do you think is gonna happen in this movie that's right they're gonna find her and they're gonna try to kill her do you need anything before you go off to Slumberland could use some water coming right up but then when the nurse comes back siren is gone the nurse is just left standing there with her hug kiss breathe mugged but she escapes from the hospital and she goes to see the only person that she feels like understands her friend Adam and she goes to throw rocks to get his attention but instead she's greeted by Adams creepy dad you bout to throw stones at me no sir at your window but I decided against it before you came out who are you I'm siren Adams friend siren well that's a curious name you know he's right that is a curious name why is her name siren just on one hand siren is like a mythical mermaid creature so isn't that kind of like naming a human baby person but also don't sirens in mythology like lure sailors to their death they sing on their rocks in the middle of the ocean and sailors are like that sounds like a hot mermaid voice we're gonna get me some of that and then they crash right into the rocks and die isn't that the whole thing that sirens do so it also kind of seems like naming your kid murderer but as if Adams dad's not creepy enough he's got an even creepier friend you're one of Adams friends how do you almost 12 well happy almost birthday to you thank you so this whole see this pretty weird siren comes down and she finds Adam and then Adams creepy dad and his creepy dad's creepy friend come in and they all talk for a while about what Adams dad and his creepy friend do and it turns out they kill large fish ah the whaling stick it's used to kill large fish they say the ball at the other end is used to call them to shore its tip can pierce through tough skin some fish that's tranquilizer gun they give off some pretty strong we kill mermaid vibes and I don't know how but siren doesn't seem to pick up on any of it and you might read about I don't really read a lot of books about fish so this is the thing that we use to kill the large human shaped fish and oh this is the thing that we use to lure the large human shaped fish in right before we kill them and then right when we kill the large human shaped fish we all say Yahoo we killed that mermaid that mermaid is dead because of us and that's basically what we do oh I get it you guys hunt squids I like that net in the background that tiny little net as if that would help in catching mermaids in any way ah got your head you're not going anywhere now Missy then Adam and siren go for a walk by themselves and still not getting that Adam's dad kills mermaids siren tells Adam that she's a mermaid I'm a mermaid wait she's reckless dude I don't try I don't think she's got her own best interest in mind then to further drive the point home that Adams dad kills mermaid Adam takes siren to his dad's like shipping container storage unit thing where he's got a bunch of mermaid killing memorabilia he's got like a replica of this thing called the whaling stick that's used to call mermaids to shore and then stab him in the face he's got a whole book about mermaids and what makes him die here there's something I should have given you a long time it's a narrator it's gonna help you transition from land to sea the transition to mermaid the first time it's slow and ugly yeah sure I was looking for a nice reward but there's no nice word forever damn this movie has some good messages there's no nice word for ugly have you heard of the whaling stick where did you hear that boy at my school he had these old books in his dad at a replica of it in this storage locker when did he move here I don't know how many people did he move here with I can't we just have a nice moment why can't we just have a nice moment that's such a funny thing to say when your parent gets upset with you Danny I gotta be honest dude after this you're grounded dad yeah I'm sorry man you're grounded as fuck Oh oh my god dude why can't we just have a nice moment like one where you don't ground me a nice moment what what are you talking about you just lit the house on fire we're standing next to our burning house because of you why can't we just be happy like we used to before all of it before you lit the house on fire yes exactly why can't we just have a nice moment you know what son you're you're right why can't we just have a nice moment you know what fuck the house we're gonna have a nice moment right now no matter what sir your daughter she's still in the building nice moment now she got gills so my dad sent me down yesterday he told me the story's not so much stories as history I know the next day Adam meet siren at school and he's like hey I just had a talk with my dad last night it turns out he actually kills mermaids and sirens like that's weird my mom was saying the same shit can you believe that your blood siren I won't help you keep it I can't do anything my body's changing and I can't stop it well then what am I supposed to do my dad he's hunting you he just doesn't know it's you yet all right I'll do it I'll make you better but on my own terms I don't know why she's gonna sound so reluctant when she says it like that oh okay fine I'll help you cure your stupid bone thing it's weird cuz I kind of agree with the hunters like the mermen should be using their powers to help people right but they're just not that's so rude but at the same time like I agree with siren that she you know they shouldn't kill her for her blood but they could I mean they could take a little all the mermaids can line up and they take a little from each of them no skin off their bones no skin off of their stiff mass then siren goes to a meeting with all of the mermaids in town there are no men there are no men mermaids this one's kind of funny they get there and her mom's like oh so glad you're here come on sweetie let's move up to the front okay let's move to the front there's lots to talk about and then they take a step forward but then so do all the other mermaids so they're no more in the front than they were back there that's that's debatable there's literally grown-ass men hunting her down for her blood so I don't know if I'd say there's nothing to be afraid of you're officially a mermaid honey [Applause] what's happening are they singing are they singing no sweetie they're filing their taxes this is how mermaids file their taxes whaling each roomate whale is unique so this is what mermaids do sometimes they just all get together and just whale you know sometimes you gotta get together with the homies and just what are you doing in here kid um oh I'm like that's what I died you're coming with me take her oh jeez yikes Adams dad hangs out with some creepy dudes I I'm just gonna say it he's hanging he hangs out with a couple weirdos you're coming with me huh don't leave this guy alone with anyone ever take your hands off of him that's my son sorry sir I didn't know don't mind him he's harmless yeah I fuckin doubt it he literally kills mermaids what do you mean harmless don't act like we didn't all just see the murderous rage in this dude's eyes towards a child he's up to no good found out that there's at least one in town Oh dad II just found out there's a mermaid in town and she's right about to change into a mermaid and so Adam trying to help tells him that its siren I know who it is send a team over to her house yes sir so the hunters all head over to Sirens house to kidnapper oh shit these hunters don't play around man straight up shooting tranquilizer darts at these girls so the hunters infiltrate the house they kidnap sirens mom but luckily Adam shows up and help siren escape in the nick of time and siren manages to escape and make it to the mermaids safe house which is a house that they owned that's in a safe location while sirens doing that the other mermaids go to the hunters camp to try to get sirens mom back why don't you just let us talk to Tiffany see if Simon will give up her blood willingly be reasonable I was reasonable I wouldn't be doing this my first place now would I he makes a good point the man is not reasonable take me instead let Tiffany go if there's anyone who could talk the girl into giving up willingly it's wrong loving I don't know she's pretty kind of like having her around yeah that will absolutely be enough out of you dude what I don't like that guy that guy's my least favorite guy he's given me weird vibes dude I know these guys kill people but I'm really starting to get a weird vibes from this guy I something's off about him oh my god this scene okay so they let the mom go in exchange for this lady so the mom escapes and she starts to book at home let her go and then this absolute creep is like actually a chance I'm not gonna let her go I'm gonna chase her down and so he just starts booking it down the street chasing her [Music] holy shit what oh my god that shell was insane just a real quick x-ray shot to show this kid's wrist shattering in 2d shattering into flat two-dimensional shards they went all out on this effects budget dude is there bowling out here that gonna safehouse siren is in the pool and she's ready to transform and this time it's even grosser oh my God look at that hide they gotta make it look like that oh it's all wrinkly and shriveled like shriveled up like your legs are just like shrink wrapped together at least it's bending this time and it's not just like a stiff thing I'll look man I'm all about body positivity you know love what you look like no matter what I'm gonna make an exception for that if you have that and you've got fins and they look like that you got to get rid of them I'm sorry I wish it could be another way but I can't I can't support that gorgeous okay thank God finally she looks like an actual mermaid now she's got real scales and everything they just appeared out of nowhere that is so much better so now that she's transformed they have to carry her mermaid body from the pool to the ocean and what is probably the least graceful scene ever I feel like when they pictured this they thought it was gonna be really majestic but they really underestimated how cumbersome it is to walk through water does she win there's like waves hitting Hugh and stuff meanwhile sirens just splayed out on this gurney totally helpless they're just trying to wade through the water waves are smacking them absolutely thwacking and whack and uh there's one close-up shot a siren just getting rekt by one I don't know why they included that but then just like the majestic graceful mermaid she is she flops into the ocean and swims off they show her get decked by one last way for good measure and then she's off she goes off into the sea to meet her real mom and whale at her [Music] uh-oh the hunters are here Toto come back here you look like you'll be changing pretty soon won't you yeah I suppose you'll do not a pure-breed but you just have to give me twice as much blood wait what so before they said that like siren had special blood that had healing powers because she was a pure-breed or whatever and that's why they needed her but now it turns out that they can actually use other mermaids and they just have to use more blood but they said but I thought nah dude that's probably not even true this dude probably just made that up he just wants an excuse to kidnap a girl Adam what are you doing here what are you doing I don't want this son this is not the time look at how you're acting who do you think is happy man now stand down but finally Adam manages to convince his dad to have a little bit of humanity and not kidnap all these girls but then [Music] [Applause] this movie is just full of moments where you're just you're just like come on dude what really incop ten things you should never find yourself doing yelling I need that girl while throwing a spear at that girl you gotta make a lot of bad decisions to find yourself in a situation like that there's a lot of things that need to happen for you to get there so Adam gets all injured but then sirens adopted mom has an idea she takes the whaling stick which has the thing to call mermaids to shore siren and her mom run to shore and then this happens what is it just me or does this sound like when she puts her hand on his face that it whispers so the mermaids all kind of touch each other and they touch Adam and they start whaling and suddenly Adam wakes up so hold the absolute phone what they don't even need their blood to do the healing they can literally just touch someone and sing whenever and cure anything they cure his injuries they also cure his brittle bone disease he's fine now I feel I feel different just because they sing how we're all mermaids not doctors in this world they're so selfish dude they're so shellfish sorry okay now I'm on the hunter side knowing that they can do this they don't even have to give their blood they can just be like aah and then you're better but just when everything seems like it's gonna be all hunky dory creepy guy starts clapping I don't know why his clap sound like they were recorded in a small echoey closet and not on a beach but he's got something to say I have spent my whole life studying new things and I am not leaving here without advancing my career so the mom she can control water - so she summons this big wave and she's like I'm gonna I'm gonna take you out with this big wave but obviously he's like what so you're gonna kill everyone on the beach what is that gonna do but then siren gets an idea and let me tell you it's pretty crazy what she does stay away from her what are you gonna do make small little waves you're forgetting something about yourself oh yeah what's that your body to me that 65% water is that not the most insane thing you've ever seen especially in the kids movie the protagonist of this children's movie just said you're forgetting one thing you're made up of 65% water and then she sucks all the water out of this dude's body we see the whole thing he's screaming in agony and then he just melts on the floor just a pile of clothes he screams aah and then he's dead he's gone don't get me wrong that dude was weird and he had to go but like damn that was brutal so mermaids are very reluctant to heal people but they're they'll kill anyone at a moment's notice okay and everyone's just cool with it this girl's like dang you got to teach me that no one's worried about how confidently she did that like she's definitely done that before that's not the first time also hold on if humans are 65% water and she took all the water out of his body where's all this like bones and stuff and his organs where's all this stuff that's not water it's the only thing left is clothes is that what scientists mean when they say humans are 65% water they mean the other 35% is clothes like when you're naked you're a hundred percent water which means siren wants to breathe and love you the movie ends with siren going off to live in the ocean they never explain what they do in the ocean the only shots you ever see is just them kind of like swimming around and playing and going around and seaweed and singing like what I don't know what do they do what do they do down there that's so important like if they have like a climate change research institute down there I'd be like okay that's it that's a noble pursuit but it seems like they just kind of fuck around it could be on land saving everyone's life but instead they're like well we actually have a game of Marco Polo planned for the rest of time so I can't cure cancer sorry I know well guys I don't know what to say moral of the story there's no nice words for ugly well that's the whole movie so you know what that means we got to kick it over to today's sponsor now I know what you're probably thinking hey is that some kind of crazy psycho robot man from the future but don't worry it's just me Danny from the video you just watch I'm just wearing my favorite premium wireless earbuds the rake on e 25 let me tell ya I love these little guys which is why I'm always delighted to have Ray Khan sponsor my videos I wear these bad boys every time I'm listening to music on the go lately since I haven't been going to the gym as much I've been just going outside for a quick run you know staying 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you're gonna be blocking off the whole world all the all the other problems will just drift away and the only ones you'll be left with are the ones inside your head I personally like these black ones I think they look sleek and they kind of make me feel like Batman or something but if you don't like the black you're in luck cuz they come in a bunch of other fun colors too so if you want to get some for yourself or maybe get some for like your friend or your mom it's a gift click the link in the description and you can get 15% off your order thanks to Ray Khan for sponsoring this video and thank you to you guys for checking out ray con it really helps when you guys check out her sponsor and I really think that ray cons are great so if you guys end up checking them out thank you for that I appreciate it and now I am done talking alright well I hope you guys enjoyed this video thank you so much for watching I hope everyone out there is doing well alright Thank You Sophia for turning out my notifications you are truly Greg I'll see you guys next time with a really interesting video where I get little pomp in my song but he doesn't want to be there at all this video is over now you'll find something else to watch or just watch this video and now we had a lot of fun a lot of fun but you can't stay on this end street forever this video is over now over now so why are you still watching this

Channel: Danny Gonzalez

Views: 6,352,990

Rating: 4.9632955 out of 5

Keywords: danny gonzalez, funny, commentary, comedy, react, reaction, reacting, awful, humor, scales mermaids are real, mermaids, movie, review

Id: wKBSVk2E9p8

Length: 28min 9sec (1689 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 31 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/Meljusenr]

Reminds me of the blood bending episodes of Avatar: The Last Airbender except nobody learned any lessons.

ETA: oh wait! We learned that there is no nice word for ugly!

[u/KesagakeOK]

Danny was in top form with this one; the stunned silence after Siren fucking murders a guy was perfection.

[u/estrelereler531]

i literally laughed so much i got my period