r/Idontworkherelady I Hit Your Employee, And He Bled On Me! FIRE HIM!

welcome to our slash i don't work here lady where an entitled karen attacks a hospital patient our next reddit post is from eric davis this happened over 18 years ago but i remember it like it was yesterday i had worked for a law firm in a clerical world for about three years though i wasn't a lawyer i ended up doing a lot of work that lawyers normally handled but not for lawyer pay anyway i landed my dream job in another field that was more interesting had better hours better benefits double the pay i hit the jackpot and i was on my second to last day at the law firm having respectfully given and honored my two weeks notice as it happened i needed to take an extended lunch break one day to handle some business related to my pending new job i arranged it ahead of time and even came in two hours early to make sure all my work was completed on time man i was too conscientious anyway my lunch business took me longer than expected and i returned about an hour later than planned no big deal right i had very little left to do and only two more days at the job anyway nope the hr manager found me as i got to my desk called me to her office and fired me on the spot i managed not to smile and thank her because i was thrilled to have an extra couple of days off before heading to my new position i had a little spring in my step as i walked to my desk to pack up my stuff i could neither confirm nor deny that i was whistling a happy tune in truth there was only one thing that i'd still needed to do on my final two days though i wasn't a lawyer i essentially took care of all the estate planning clients wills advanced medical directives and such i'd take all the info from the clients generate all the forms check the compliance with all the laws and hand it to the attorney he'd skim it sign it and bill his hourly rate for the hours i worked it was a cash cow for the firm because i made next to nothing anyway though i was good at the work the files were rather a mess let's just say my system worked for me but i was eclectic as i was packing my desk i left them piled in a box on the floor moments before i was preparing to walk out of there for the last time the young attorney who had been assigned to take over that part of my work came up to my desk he said the hr manager told me to come find you and have you show me the estate planning files she said you'd show me what i need to do i had the incredible pleasure of being able to look at him and say with the most sincere and innocent tone i'm sorry i don't work here then i pointed at the pile of files and suggested the hr manager would have to help him then i picked up my box of personal effects and walked away and just as sweet as could be i poked my head into the hr manager's office on my way out to assure her that there was no hard feelings and to let her know that the young attorney would probably be looking for honestly how is this hr manager expecting things to go you're fired but before you go could you do one last thing actually no go screw yourself our next reddit post is from the quarantinian hospital food isn't crunchy for whatever reason none of it has a good satisfying crunch the crunchiest thing they seem to have is raisin bran and that just doesn't do the trick and after a week of being held captive by tubes and wires i was ready for food that was actually satisfying to chew finally discharge i stopped off at a humungo chain grocery store for my craving don't judge but all i wanted was a bowl of corn chex and freezing ice cold milk with a handbasket containing my crunchy treat i was rifling through the milk section looking for the coldest jug with the latest expiration date they had when a karen lit up my life in exactly the same way that a swarm of locusts blot out the sun she was wearing some kind of dark expensive looking pants and a dazzling white over borax silk blouse with draping folds that just screamed i have more money than you i was bending over with my head stuck in the cooler and i could hear her talking about how we were out of some organic grass-fed free-range no hormone royal cows that exclusively make milk for rich people i think this stuff sells at around 12 bucks a gallon and the big grocery store keeps all that stuff in their pretentious section where freezers are filled with ten dollar microwave dinners six dollar designer chips and tiny cans of artisanal sprint water carbonated with mermaid farts at any rate i'm not in that section i don't work there i don't care about her so i ignore her big mistake on her parts suddenly it sounds like there's a snake hissing in my ear the words you will look at me when i'm talking to you and my wrist is grabbed and pulled now i had just been released from a week at the hospital where i was on among other things a heparin drip blood thinner it was constantly fed through an iv tube which had been taped to my wrist exactly where she was now grabbing me the tube had been taped down and when i ripped off the bandages before i left the hospital room there were still some significantly sticky tape gunk in the area whatever that stuff is it usually takes three showers and a bottle of alcohol to get rid of all that sticky stuff what else might stick to tape residue how about a karen's fingers she grabbed my wrist and yanked my arm up but her fingers happened to stick to the skin a bit resulting in two things the sensation of her getting some pine sap on her skin and my skin being twisted far more than she expected not that she would have cared anyway the twisting and pulling of the skin released a bit of blood from the iv site just a couple of drops not really a big deal but enough so that when she felt the sticky gunk on her fingers she instinctively wiped her hand on her sleeve leaving a small trail of blood on that field of spotless white you know how some people pass out at the sight of blood i mean i don't but she sure did she dropped like her facade of friendliness drops if her triple whipped ice spice happy no-fat soy mocha at starbucks isn't served on a silver tray balanced on the back of a unicorn and that's when the staff started to run up typical shouts of what happened call an ambulance followed with m'lady regaining consciousness within a minute or so and starting to scream about how i the store employee had thrown blood on her clawing at her blouse and going into absolute hysterics store security had arrived and was glaring at me menacingly demanding to know what had happened fortunately i had an ace just a few inches up my sleeve i said this lady grabbed me and it really hurts the thing about heparin is that it's the only drug that can go into a specific iv site i needed many other ivs in the hospital so i had another iv site just a few inches up my arm where they've been injecting all kinds of other things and that site looked ugly a bruise the size of a silver dollar brown and yellow and green as if a parrot had binged on tricks and lucky charms and threw it up in a ball pit at chuck e cheese previously hidden under my sleeve i made sure it wasn't hidden now and displayed that bruise of honor like a middle-aged man displays a trophy yoga instructor in his convertible i said she grabbed my arm because i wasn't paying attention to her and yanked she left his bruise and it really hurts that coupled with the hospital armband i hadn't yet cut from my wrist seemed to be all that i needed to turn the tide of opinion to my favor i gave a statement to the police who had eventually arrived told them i wanted to press charges got my milk and headed for the door a few days later i received a call from a detective or a prosecutor or somebody and they told me that they had come to a plea agreement of some kind fairly quickly and if i wanted to write out a victim impact statement to have it done within a week i told them that as long as something went on to a record i was fine the crunch was indeed satisfying man i would have i would have loved to have seen karen try to defend herself to the cops after i assaulted her she attacked me by throwing blood at me our next reddit post is from ligamentary i worked in a large department store back before there was an etsy or any similar service for artists to open up independent shops i worked in the back office administration piece not out on the floor one day one of the checkout girls called me over and said they were trying to scan a lady out but one of her items didn't have a barcode i figured maybe it had been stuck on somewhere strange but i checked it out and i didn't see anything in fact i didn't even recognize the item when i looked to see where i could find a second one to scan and i knew the store pretty well it was an absurdly hideous piece of almost homemade looking costume jewelry not like anything we offered i thought maybe we had a new supplier i was unaware of so i looked at the tag and lo and behold it was a hand-drawn price tag so definitely not ours there were a lot of shops in the area so i figured someone bought it nearby and it slipped out of their bag or they set it down by accident and this customer assumed we were selling it because of the price tag i figured that whoever left it would be back for it soon because it was way overpriced 80 bucks for one necklace so i brought it to customer service and returned to business as usual of counting minutes to close and regretting my life choices but as the day marched on a few more people appeared with similar stuff more jewelry mostly one with a sweater that was actually a sweater that we did sell but it had huge garish rhinestones added on that were definitely not an sku we offered people kept coming to check out with lots of things we actually sold like makeup mirrors handbags and shoes but all with unnecessary rhinestones sequins and beads glued on that definitely didn't come from us or the original manufacturer so finally the manager just had the staff do a sweep of the store and collect anything with rhinestones on it or anything with a handmade price tag and put them in lost and found though we did wonder how someone's personal belongings would become scattered all throughout the store and we didn't think they could have really been accidentally lost our working theory was that someone got in a fight with their shopping companion and did it out of spite like maybe a couple broke up or a sibling rivalry or something but we resigned ourselves to the fact that we never know our loss and found was a single basket about the size of a tsa security bin at the airport and there was so much of this stuff that it overflowed past the top so after a couple of days we dumped it all in the trash a few days after that a middle-aged woman comes in decked out head to toe in sequins and glitter and rhinestones with neon makeup like what a sixth grader would wear to their first school dance and asked to speak to the person in charge identifying herself as one of your partners i knew we were about to get some answers to the other day's mystery i stopped all my work i was ready to hear how and why she ended up leaving half of her wardrobe scattered around and why anyone would voluntarily dress like that after age 40. so i listened to her going at it with customer service and it became clear that she had bought things here at least i think so it was unclear if she had paid for things or if she had just used things from here without paying for them she then bedazzled them either by purchasing them or covertly bedazzling in the store without buying the items we never did find out which she then put them back on the shelves and now expected to collect a check after they were purchased at the upsell price that she had added on with her handmade price tag apparently she had done this in a few other stores and was going around with business cards claiming that her designs were sold in big department stores like the card would read karen's fab designs as seen on the shelves of macy's nordstrom's jcpenney and more the manager explained that this was not a consignment store and she couldn't just leave altered products here for people to buy and expect to split the money with us she was sure that we must just not understand that she had improved the items with rhinestones thereby making them more valuable and was shocked when the realization set in that we understood what she was saying but still didn't want her doing it she was irate offended threatened to break up the partnership that we didn't want and didn't know that we had and eventually she demanded her stuff back the most senior manager of the floor had come over by this point not because she asked to speak to the person in charge but because she was causing a scene and because none of us were sure what to do about being on her business card plus because everyone regardless of seniority was equally curious about the rhinestones mystery the senior manager explained that we'd gotten rid of the stuff because she didn't bother to explain this arrangement to any of us and we aren't a pawn shop where you can hawk personal goods a major argument ensued she gave us two choices go through the dumpster and salvage the things you threw out or refund me the adjusted cost of the items you threw out the manager then gave her two choices leave or be escorted out by security the manager did worry that there could be repercussions for throwing out all of her stuff since technically corporate policy was that we're supposed to hang onto lost and found items for seven business days so he offered her some coupons to end things on a good note she didn't take them and screamed at us that we needed to replace everything and pay for the new material to re-bedazzle them at that point the manager more flatly insisted that she leave she didn't security had to escort her out to our total shock she kept telling security that she worked there and it really confused them because they'd never seen her so they weren't sure if it was because she was crazy or if it was because she was corporate that is someone who could fire them we had to explain to security and to her that in fact she did not work here and this partnership was non-existent again we explained that she couldn't sell her own products here in our department store she kept saying we can negotiate you a higher cut that was just my starting offer so after a bit the manager just gave up on explaining and stopped engaging with her she tried to come in every day for a week after that to the point that we had to get a security guard stand right near the door to redirect her before she could even step over the threshold she got in one more time through the fire door which set off the fire alarm and we had to evacuate the store so we let her know loud and clear that the next time the police would handle her i guess some other stores had already made good on that promise so she stopped coming but she kept doing this elsewhere around town for several weeks until she was blacklisted by every store from the highest in boutiques to the dollar store i don't know if she just didn't understand how extra stores worked or just didn't care but she really created a lot of extra work for us i will say this many people were coming to the register to purchase her items and that department chain is bankrupt now so she probably has a lucrative etsy type store and the last laugh i've read a lot of r slash i don't work here ladies stories but i think this is the first r slash you don't work here ladies story that was our slash i don't work here lady and if you like this content then be sure to check out my podcast where i publish the exact same stories also hit that subscribe button because i put out new reddit videos every single day

Channel: rSlash

Views: 1,117,316

Rating: 4.9479208 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, idontworkherelady, i dont work here lady, r/idontworkherelady, idontworkhere, i dont work here

Id: 7UDcB9BN6-I

Length: 15min 13sec (913 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 23 2020