r/Technicallythetruth · SHE MEANT OUTSIDE!!

me one piece of cake won't hurt the cake ha fat i think that's a sign no it's a cake how's it going everyone welcome back to easy peasy i'm your host david the baker and today we're gonna be taking a look on into r slash technically the truth not gonna lie with all the puns and the silly jokes that are in this subreddit it's become one of my favorites i'm sure you guys are ready to enjoy the video so without further ado let's go i'm trying to get into the guinness book of world records as the oldest man in the world which is taking up a lot of my time my personal best is 36. when i was born i was the worst person in the world that being the oldest person in the world i've gone up about 3 billion places ah this man is a professional 3 billion places that's impressive i mean a low score of 36 as a personal best is kinda weak but you know what he's getting there breaking news google buys fitbit for 2.1 billion dollars ooh bad deal i bought mine for 69.95 yeah what was google thinking come on they just threw away their money that's going to look stupid in 60 million years ah yeah you're gonna look so stupid millions of years later how i look in the mirror versus how i look in real life uh yes everyone i've ever loved is here within these walls false your parents are at the bottom of the ocean yes but she never loved her parents see that's the stuff that disney won't tell you i hereby find you guilty of click baiting what happens next will shock you hey well at least the judge didn't lie good on you judge for not click baiting hi how can i help you how many seconds are there in one year 12 of them january 2nd february 2nd march 2nd april 2nd may 2nd well you're not wrong mom says can you come out yeah give me a second mom i'm gay i know that's silly come out to the car okay car i'm gay you see that person right there they follow orders congratulations how many horses are there in this photo yeah there's definitely more than one yes i'm glad you were able to deduce that there is more than one horse i mean at the very least there is one right we can all be certain of that actually if we're gonna be smart about it there are no horses in this photo it's all just painting pixels that's all it is i think i broke my leg in two places well you should probably stop going to these places i mean it would solve all your problems a surgeon a plastic surgeon i i am disappointed with this pun i didn't see it coming in and i should have cargo space car no do that cargo road me drive car me big man me like cargo space [Music] a shark could swim faster than me but i could probably run faster than shark so in a triathlon it would all come down to who is the better cyclist that's true but don't write the shark off yet has anybody ever seen a shark ride a bicycle maybe they're extraordinarily talented at it we don't know we've never seen it tony hawk says at a coveted testing site wearing masks handing over paperwork for me and my two kids woman looking over papers okay anthony keegan and candace hawk are you guys related to tony hawk me yes her are you pulling my leg me no we are all directly related to him you see tony hawk has just become this big household name so like even though he doesn't even do anything now everybody's just like that name sounds so familiar but you couldn't be tony hawk i love it it's beautiful why don't humans have a specific noise that means there are bees here let's leave immediately why are elephants more advanced than us ah we do have a specific noise it sounds like there are bees here let's leave immediately yeah i mean it's not that complicated one of those people please elaborate a singular person belonging to that specific group may you expand upon the previous statement one sole member of the human race whose words mannerisms actions or opinions render them identifiable as a constituent to a party of two or more individuals amongst whom those defining characteristics are shared yo my brain hurts can we take it back a step that that was way too much for me you win this round cheese oh no this dude's poor knife actually that is a rectangle cheese get it because you said round cheese yeah no no it's it's a rectangle so what's your idea of a perfect date the day then the month then the year i find other formats a bit confusing no no i'm american it has to go month day year alright any other form is confusing the third hand on the clock is also the second hand sir this is a wendy's hey look an alien this is my planet so you're the freaking alien here oh well he's got a point i woke up i dated him i kissed him i loved him now read it backwards okay mid of all i meet the sick mid i poo poo i so deep man so deep that hits the feels brain flip your pillow me why brain it'd be a lot cooler if you did literally defend your answer answer [Music] sarge i don't know how much longer we can hold them there's too many of them sarge what do we do because that's what a good soldier does they defend their answer this man deserves an a plus what do you want to be when you grow up i want to be michael jordan when i grow up what do you need to achieve your dreams one get bigger two shave my head and three be black yeah i mean that's all the steps this kid's a genius whales are bigger than literally every single thing in the universe that is smaller than a whale oh oh wow thank you whale facts and yes standing at five foot five inches i am the tallest man alive if you don't count anyone who's taller than me i completed 14 years of alcohol sobriety wow congrats man inspirational i'm 14. you are technically correct which is the best kind of correct hey honey what are you doing can't you see i'm making friends oh no that that's actually kind of sad this poor person has no friends they're probably building the puzzle like nobody told you life was gonna be this way when she tells you she's not into middle-aged guys oh heavens friend zoned again covet 19 has killed 1.6 million people in the world and you are alive use a few seconds to thank god amen amen amen thank you for killing 1.6 million people asaka no that's not what they meant hey people who know astrology i've been having a lot of feelings lately any planets i can blame that on uh earth i mean yeah when it comes down to it everyone can blame earth for their problems you know forget jupiter forget venus nah nah it's earth's fault sorry bro no firearms allowed inside ah man cool tattoo though you wouldn't hit a guy with glasses would you come here you hit a guy with glasses well played most people who hate pineapple pizza never tried pineapple pizza and that's a fact i tried it not my cup of tea well that's because it's pizza not tea you dummy dumb you're not using your brain harry there's someone watching us i think she can see us do you think spiders could get arachnophobia uh yeah that's called social anxiety that actually kind of makes sense who else hates it when someone knocks over your dominoes oh no those poor pizzas ah this is pain this whole picture is just pain what pleases you in bed sleep survey says that's the number one answer the sentence are you as bored as i am can be said backwards and still makes sense hmm are you as bored as i am am i as bored as you are and they're both running away from ma you era get away from us man what is your secret for always staying down to earth gravity ah keanu you charming devil found a paper i wrote in fifth grade that i got an f on my prompt was imagine you are sitting on a cloud what would you do or see i wrote i would see the ground as i fell because i would fall through it because in science you told us that clouds were just water mists wait and you got an f on that you're absolutely right you're just being realistic i don't know why you failed that's a perfectly solid answer unlike the cloud you'd be standing on hey that's just a regular saber why don't you try holding it doesn't weigh much i guess you could call it a lightsaber uh oh i see what you did there now die good good let the hate flow through you i mean after a pun like that he's gotta die there's nothing else that can be done did you know the pool on the titanic is still filled with water now that's a solid pool right there it doesn't quit it doesn't give up no sorry it still functions as a pool in fact the pool has gotten bigger from when it was first created this soup is bland it has no texture i get it because it's like the no texture png thing when your girlfriend leaves a note on the fridge saying this isn't working and you open it up but it still works hmm i wonder what she meant it's supposed to say dolores restaurant and it ends up just saying restaurant task failed successfully i guess i grabbed this bs chorizo made of soy i thought it was saying i am torazo in spanish oh because it says soy chorizo i am charizo i'm sorry you were let down but you kind of had this coming the correct way to spell hats is hats because it's all caps you know i i would be disappointed that you made this pun but it actually works as a pretty solid joke so yeah good job it's a citation for violating the neighborhood noise ordinance huh paper beats rock once again literally what did adam say the night before christmas it's christmas eve crickets i this guy stinks it's christmas eve you get it you know i never thought the one dollar bill looked right one second yeah now it's good this is the money we should have this is what the money should look like no pills no exercise and only one month you can do it too register now for photoshop courses the best tool to change your body what can i say with results like these you should definitely take this course jakey says technically simon says doesn't end until simon says the game is over so people are still playing simon says from when they were children jake no how could you leave us with such knowledge and then abandon us it's not fair jake take it back take what you said back hey so uh we couldn't get the rights to spider-man so introducing covered in spiders man what do you mean it's a totally original character every single thing that exists in this universe is either a duck or not a duck ah yes infinite wisdom quack jesus loves you i'm sure he says that to all the girls oh no jesus is an f-boy he goes around saying he loves everyone what a player could you please go shopping and buy a jug of milk and if they have avocados get six one hour later ina ina did they have avocados they sure did so i got six jugs of milk that's what you wanted right why are you crying if i ordered bottomless fries as my last meal before getting put to death then i could technically avoid the death penalty you'd be shoving fries down your mouth like oh no no no no no i'm not finished you promised me bottomless fries now that's a 1 000 iq play right there comedian caught releasing laughing gas on his show is then arrested the audience after listening to his bad jokes on the show oh man this guy sucks but i can't stop laughing sad face turn that frown upside down sideways sad face listen here you little sh lmao i finally found them the frosted mega wheats oh those things look tasty is it bad that i want to take a bite out of hay oh what you don't want to take a bite out of this what are you some kind of weirdo i want to start reading again any recommendations you should start with books oh wow ah thanks kathy thank you for that contribution i really appreciate it shower thoughts an old bad tweet can be more harmful to a celebrity's career than vehicular manslaughter well that depends on which end of the vehicle said celebrity is on it is difficult to argue with your assessment a big part of the story is lost when it becomes a movie a big part of the story is lost when you cut a freaking circle out of it i mean i mean both are equally true i was wondering if spider-man spider-sense is based on an actual thing spiders can do so i googled can spiders sense danger and the national wildlife federation treated me like the dumbest i am spider-sense spider-man is able to sense danger lurking near the warning signal coming as a pain in his head that varies with the intensity of the threat spiders can detect danger coming their way with an early warning system called eyes oh wow you really did all that explanation just to explain spiders have eyes wow they are pulling no punches they're just like hey idiot spiders can see you don't have to be so mean yeah national wildlife federation why you gotta hurt my feelings are we allowed to post adult links ah yes good old adult link just as long as you flag it not safe for work we should be good pizza delivery men of reddit has anyone ever ordered extra sausage and if so what was your experience uh yeah we put extra sausage on the pizza what do you think this poor kid's probably just trying to deliver pizzas he's not into your innuendos no siree no sir he he's just trying to do his job kamikaze instructors be like watch carefully i'm only going to do this once well i mean it will be incredibly impressive if you could do it twice woman finds out blood donor who saved her life 11 years ago turned out to be her husband wow he was already inside her before their first date ah now that's a flex right there that that's a big brag congratulations to this beautiful couple and with that everyone that concludes this episode of r slash technically the truth if you enjoyed this video make sure to leave a like down below and support the channel by pressing the subscribe button and hitting the notification bell to be notified of all our easy peasy uploads anyway i'm your host david the baker and if you want to hear more from me my channel link is down in the description below i can't wait to see you all in the next video so till then peace out and three thumbs up

Channel: EzPz

Views: 90,016

Rating: 4.947978 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, reddit top posts, reddit best posts, reddit top posts of all time, top posts of all time, top posts, best posts, posts, reddit posts, reddit funny, r/, subreddit, top all time, reddit true stories, Technicallythetruth

Id: YJkcy6B_268

Length: 13min 40sec (820 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 13 2021