r/Relationships - Boyfriend Upset He Couldn't 'Cuddle' When I Was DRUNK And PASSED OUT

g'day there guys marky here and welcome back to the episode the one and only r slash relationship advice now if you love today's content i want you to sit back relax chuck a prawn on the barbie tell me what you think of these down in the comments below and smash that like button posted by user throw ra jeff jack titled boyfriend 18 male is upset that my 18 female brother 26 male didn't let him spend the night with me when i was very drunk and passed out i've just turned 18 and can now legally drink where we live so my brother invited me my new boyfriend and a few friends and cousins over to hang out and maybe get drunk i drank way more than i should have people left one by one and i was only there with my brother and boyfriend i don't remember much except that i woke up in his spare bedroom in the morning and my boyfriend wasn't there apparently i passed on the couch and my brother took me to the bedroom to sleep boyfriend wanted to spend the night there but my brother said no my brother says he didn't let him stay because he doesn't know him and he doesn't know if we've been intimate and i was completely incapacitated and couldn't consent to sex or anything intimate so he felt like it's safer to not allow him to spend the night there with me boyfriend insisted that he didn't want to have sex just cuddling he got confrontational with my brother and accused him of being controlling and said that he has no right to decide if he can spend the night with me which my brother told him i can decide you're not going to spend another minute in my house boyfriend said he'll leave but he'll take me with him brother stood in his way and told him to either leave or deal with the police boyfriend left so here we are my brother thinks i'm dating a complete idiot and a-hole my boyfriend thinks i have an a-hole controlling brother and i've spent the last two days regretting drinking that much my own feeling is that it would have been okay if my boyfriend spent the night with me in the bed but absolutely not okay to have sex we haven't had sex yet we've been dating for less than a month and i understand why my brother acted in a protective way i was drunk and letting a guy who was interested in me sexually spend the night with me is just unnecessary risk i also understand my boyfriend's disappointments but he should have respected my brother in his own house so now my boyfriend has demanded an apology from my brother for being mistrusted and for interfering in his relationship and my brother has banned him from future events and parties at his place for being an a-hole my brother would also like me to demand an apology on my own behalf from my brother for him acting the way he did by assuming he can decide who i can or can't spend the night with i'm in this mess and i need to make this disappear if i am to have some peace and make everything normal again with my relationship and family what do i say to my boyfriend i think he needs to drop this and move on and over time show to my family that his behavior on the night wasn't who he really is to earn their trust i would have done the same if it was my little sister even if you just wanted to cuddle you were intoxicated there would be no way in hell i would let my little sister's new boyfriend who i barely knew stay in the same bed as my little sister your brother had every right to respond the way he did to the situation it was in his home you don't get to decide whether i stay the night or not huh it's my house the audacity throw the boyfriend away get a new one give the brother a hug and a thank you card yup it's a gross sense of entitlement my thing is too even if he claimed he just wanted to cuddle that still wouldn't have stopped him from unnecessary groping or touching places he shouldn't be if he wanted to she was too drunk to consent that is sexual assault and if that did happen even if he would have felt bad afterwards violence isn't the answer but i don't think with how protective i am feeling bad would have been enough to stop me from rocking his jaw yeah and because of this boyfriend hasn't exactly demonstrated himself to be trustworthy in this regard sounds like your brother made the right call especially considering your boyfriend's behavior yeah for real if he was a decent guy who really wanted to cuddle shouldn't he have reacted to the brother laying down the law with understanding and been happy his girlfriend had a good brother him getting angry and then trying to insist on taking the blackout girl he's been seeing from one month home with him in response is super weird and concerning to me even if he wasn't going to get sexual which is dubious at best that part shows that he sees girlfriend as his and that he can take her wherever away from her family even if she can't consent i can't imagine having this conversation with a girl's brother nah dude i'm not gonna try and screw her i just wanna cuddle what a freaking [ __ ] i love your brother i love your brother i'm a 36 year old woman and i'm telling you right now your brother is a champ and your boyfriend is a chump if your boyfriend can't appreciate that your brother was looking out for your best interest he's not a good person you are getting to see that now i would drop the boyfriend now because this is a big effing deal your brother he's a champ updates boyfriend is upset that my brother didn't let him spend the night with me when i was very drunk and passed out based on the advice of you guys my parents and my brother i broke up with my boyfriend so i asked my boyfriend what he expected to happen that night if he was allowed to spend the night with me he repeatedly said nothing but let slip that maybe he'd hoped we'd have sex in the morning so you guys were right he wanted to have sex that night with me and he probably would have if he was allowed to spend the night with me even the thought of it gives me a lot of stress i always knew that it's a danger a lot of women and men face but never felt it so close to me maybe because i've always been with people i trust i don't know i never thought it could happen so easily to me it would have happened to me that night if my brother hadn't protected me the way he did i'm going to be a lot more careful about my own safety from now on i won't be as trusting to strangers and am now loading my drinking limits so that i won't overdo it especially where i might be vulnerable my brother also told me to never accept a drink from people i don't 100 trust thanks reddit good choice judging by how inappropriate he was behaving towards your brother he definitely was going to take advantage of the situation yeah he was in the end he was angry that i was accusing him of something and i had to block him because he was texting me non-stop with how he reacted to just the breakup he sounds like he would have grown to be abusive in some of the worst ways imaginable 100 op if you can please please read the book why does he do that by lundy bancroft which is free on google downloads it'll help you spot abusers early on in the future you definitely made the right decision this guy was bad news all around absolutely this should go without saying but never trust a guy who would willingly move you from a safe sleeping place when you're blackout drunk and already passed out if my wife was passed out drunk and i was in the room with her brother i'd probably just sit and chill with him have a few more drinks and talk music i'd expect the same of anyone dating my sister but oh great she's passed out i'm gonna give her a cuddle yeah no bloody chance mate the night's over get the hell out of my house i see a lot of people on here upset on the boyfriend's behalf like who hears their blacked out girlfriend's big brother say nope she can't say it's okay for you to come in so i'm gonna keep her safe and then gets mad like any respectful partner would be like solid we both want to keep her safe i'll be here on the couch and she can tell you ahead of time for any next time sounded like he got mad because he was gonna do more than just sleep might have been a grope rather than full advantage taken of but still not okay maybe he's just immature i don't know but opie deserves someone respectful ah these comments are killing me they hadn't even been together for a month and hadn't even been intimate and this is the night he wants to stay when she's blackout drunk it's killing me people are defending the boyfriend here the motives are clear especially as a woman who's dealt with subpar men i'm so glad for the bro in this scenario a true bro posted by user thro r a michelin star titled my 21 male girlfriend's 21 female grandfather is a michelin star chef and is visiting i'm supposed to cook for them but i cannot cook and what the freak am i supposed to do context been together since around march 2019 and yeah i love her with all my hearts first of all please do not judge me yes i am a 21 year old man but look i just cannot cook relatable sure i can make something like very basic pasta a boiled egg etc but i absolutely cannot make anything we have to prepare multiple ingredients when i cook the food date is either done or it's not done i have no experience with doneness i do have my redeeming skills but cooking is just not one of them i've tried following recipes word for word but have just had no luck my girlfriend and i are both rising seniors in college and i have my own apartment near campus where we will be meeting for dinner when i agreed to make something i thought i could just bullcrap something but then when i mentioned it to my girlfriend's brother who i'm friends with he told me that their grandfather was awarded a michelin star some time ago i asked my girlfriend why she didn't tell me and she said she didn't want me to freak out i never cook in college i've always just relied on dining hall eating out uber eats i don't even have dishes the only thing i can possibly think of is that i know a fair bit about wine as much as a 21 year old can know so i could definitely get something good on that end i really really don't know what i'm supposed to do should i just push as hard as i can for eating out should i pull a seymour and buy takeout from a steakhouse or something hmm steamed hams if i did do that should i tell my girlfriend at least i'm sorry if i sound like i'm panicking i just love this girl so much and i don't want to leave a bad impression on someone she's very close with wow i even spelled michelin wrong in my username i'm just a big fan of kitchen nightmares and keep imagining this is going to be like gordon ramsay or some crap like that updates so i read through a lot of the comments and i talked about it with the close friends we want to try a test run like i pondered in another comment if the test fails then we'll just have to accept that i will have to say something so the plan we thought of would go like this i will invite a professor who'd we'd let in on our plan and a friend of his who's a foodie for dinner at my place with my friend under the guise that i just want to test my cooking we'll order takeout from a top nearby steakhouse and keep it under heat lamps so that they won stay warm and two maybe slightly decrease in quality to make it more believable i'd also have to buy some cheap steak and just throw it on my stove to get the smell in the air and have dirty cooking dishes i'd also have to memorize a recipe for a steak and watch some youtube videos to understand the nuances of jargon and cooking then we see if it works i also have decent enough experience with wine mostly red though not white to be able to properly taste and describe it without having to fake it if that doesn't work plan b would be to do what some other commenters suggested and straight up tell him i'm not very experienced and maybe ask if he can give a demonstration of some dish from his restaurant and i'd happily pay for whatever ingredients my big reservation with this is that i don't want to come off like i'm not trying for this since that seems like it's very low efforts he's coming all the way from france where he's from girlfriend is french american just in case anyone wonders so i really really want to leave a positive impression i'm absolutely head over heels for this girl so i'd like to leave the best possible impression oh yeah and it's on august 17th so we'll update after that i wouldn't try deception that never works out well maybe try something simple but classic there are a lot of fairly easy pasta dishes i'm sure the grandfather isn't expecting you to be gordon ramsay i'm not a great cook but this is a tip i heard and read almost everywhere do a simple dish but do it well same advice is given to restaurants keep your menu focused but don't overly complicate the dishes and just learn how to do basic things really well i learned to enjoy a nice creamy simple tomato soup with white bread it's great also chefs are known for liking common food and he's from another country so you can use the novelty of different fruit to your advantage grilling is super easy healthy and delicious i'd go that route if you can and buy yourself a meat thermometer it takes the guesswork out of cooking meat properly grilled fish with grilled asparagus and fresh fruit with ice cream for desserts maybe for a side add rice or a cold tomato salad it's time you learned how to cook you can learn a lot of things from youtube including this as someone who spent the majority of their adult life working in restaurants chefs love common food even more when other people cook they don't even give a damn what it is most chefs i've worked with from line cooks to james beard award winners even to food network personalities seriously are fans of food any way they can get it as long as they don't have to make it honestly be upfront about being intimidated it humanizes you and trust me i guarantee it will not be the first time the grandfather is heard i'm so nervous to cook for you who cares if you make them some pasta with jared's sauce a simple salad and frozen garlic bread better than trying to deceive the guy with fruit from a restaurant seriously don't do that my dude and better than trying to make something that you're not comfortable creating and having it turn out wrong the point opie is that you invited him into your space and facilitated time for him to spend with his granddaughter having the confidence to be modest when necessary is a very mature trait and therefore impressive to any parental figure also listen to what the commenter above me whose comment i most definitely hijacked sorry said youtube is your friend test your meal out on someone before the big day set timers for things in the oven follow your recipe to a tea learning to cook in your early 20s is such an invaluable skill plus food is such an easy way to win people over edits also don't ask him to demonstrate one of his dishes upon the first meeting he's here to meet you not work maybe after you make the great impression we all know you will you can ask him sometime later and it'll be a great bonding experience but not the first time updates my girlfriend's grandfather is a michelin star chef and is visiting i'm supposed to cook for them but i cannot cook what the hell am i supposed to do hey guys thank you all for your advice my girlfriend's grandfather came and we had our dinner yesterday so this is an update to that post i just want to say first i am drunk so please excuse any typos anyway i was really freaked out all summer about wanting to impress him i was seriously considering pulling the skin a scam and buying takeouts and disguising it but i decided to go for just trying to make something myself i spent pretty much all of july trying to make steak i started with cheap stuff and it was really really hard at first that's what she said but i learned from my mistakes i wanted to go all out so i bought really nice steak to make when the day came i made three one for all of us and it ended up being better than i hoped though obviously not michelin star quality i also bought some really expensive at least for a college student's cabernet to pair although he actually bought rum so we had both it's around midnight on august 16th here in eastern united states this happened on the evening of august 14th he came early due to changes in our school schedule he said that the steak was nice and he and i went for burgers and hot dogs the next evening today but technically actually yesterday it was just him and i we also had a metric frick ton of beer all in all it was a really positive experience since we got along very well i'm glad i didn't risk trying to pass off steakhouse food as my own though i still want to see if i can fool my professor's friend maybe after the pandemic has passed grandfather girlfriend and die all got tested before meeting for dinner i really love my girlfriend smiley face the dude abides 1190 says learning to cook good food is one of the best investments you can make in yourself good on you man thanks to be honest i've never really cooked besides easy stuff before this it was really an interesting experience i went through like 25 steaks before being confident in my ability to cook for him i mean i'm sure i'll never be as good as him but i'm glad i can cook for my girlfriend now even if it's just one dish i'm interested in learning more for her this post is fudging adorable and i'm proud of you friends a lot of chefs and natural teachers like at that level they have to mold everyone who comes into the kitchen into their style so i wouldn't be surprised if he'd be into showing you a little more technique as a learning and bonding experience good on you for cooking your own meal a proper chef will never berate you for trying to cook a meal yourself conning him would have fallen through immediately so glad you didn't go that route cooking is an amazing skill to have and it's really fun to do so i'm happy this turned out the way it did keep on cooking i don't know i guess i just have a drunken irrational fear that what if he was just playing nice but really hated it no professional cook worth their salt aka michelin star chef would ever expect a 21 year old or anyone who likely has minimum or no experience to bang out anything crazy for them that's like your dad asking toddler you to tie down your shoelaces for the first time with no prior knowledge and expect you to not be tripping over yourself alright guys i think that's where i'm gonna end today's episode again sorry i haven't recorded a new outro yet i hope you guys are having a good day night sleep whatever you're up to day i'd love to hear about it down in the comments below and i'll see in the next episode bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 19,675

Rating: 4.9436622 out of 5

Keywords: r/relationshipadvice, relationship, advice, relationshipadvice, r/relationship, reddit, Markee, Markee relationship, r/justnoMIL, r/amitheasshole

Id: JG7SY-0956Y

Length: 20min 13sec (1213 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 21 2020