Roast Charlie Sheen - Jeff Ross

all right here comes jeff ross who actually toured with charlie you know i always thought jeff was a terrible comic until i learned that he actually is seriously for real mentally [ __ ] and now i think he's an inspiration and a hero so please welcome america's special needs comedian jeff ross give it up for the warlock friends roasters enablers land mike tyson your ears because this lineup is so pathetic i was hoping i'd get replaced by ashton kutcher what a bunch of nobodies we're left with is this a roast to the republican primaries [ __ ] you jeff thank you i'm [ __ ] scared of that guy this is hard how do you roast a meltdown charlie's meltdown was so bad al gore is making a documentary about it tell us charlie how do you go from being tv's highest paid actor ever to being the highest actor ever to be on tv charlie's nostrils are so snotty and full of coke he calls them the hilton sisters but listen charlie after eight seasons was it eight seasons of two and a half men it's great to finally see you doing a comedy show you got so [ __ ] by ashton kutcher your name should be demi moore's vagina instead of getting his life together charlie went out on a national comedy tour where every night charlie you walked on stage and you told the audience you were a warlock from mars oh maybe you are but i'll tell you what you're not a comedian from earth charlie sheen is to stand up what larry flint is to standing up charlie if you're winning then something's wrong with the [ __ ] scoreboard come on man charlie if you're winning then this must not be a child custody hearing only time your kids get to see you is in reruns charlie don't you want to live to see their first 12 steps you're the black sheep of a family responsible for three mighty ducks movies you make your own father ashamed that he shares the same fake name as you martin sheen and emilio estevez said they would have been here tonight but they had a family obligation charlie's never lonely don't worry i've been up to that house i can tell you that charlie is stockpiling [ __ ] up there the place is packed with [ __ ] charlie you should be on hoarders charlie sheen has paid for so much sex he keeps his credit card under his balls to save time oh poor charlie poor charlie has the weight of the world on his shoulders and patrice o'neil has it on his knees patrice she told me you would never do a roast and now here you are you sickle sell out you like that one i love you patrice why are you dressed like a gay umpire anthony jeselnik some say you're the next correct geraldo let's hope so corbin bernson show up where is he hey buddy how you doing man start a major league with charlie that's cool we didn't even invite him tonight he called into a radio station and won tickets we're slashed areas slash you were awesome in the open of the show man that was cool always in that top hat man you're like the abe lincoln of rock and roll especially since you haven't had a hit in four score in seven years i'm just kidding slash thanks for playing my nephew's bar mitzvah last year that was cool that was really cool oh wow look at that looking good brook mueller charlie's x what's up babe she's not very bright unless charlie's throwing a lamp at her too soon ah john levitz great job tonight man that was funny nice to see you taking a break from taking a break john what's your catchphrase chinning and there's our old roast honoree william shatner one of the coolest guys in the world i'm not going to make fun of him because he looks like he's on his final frontier hey captain kirk maybe scotty can beam your balls up from the floor the old pervert backstage he flashed kate walsh's greying anatomy and of course uh the jackass family suffered a terrible tragedy recently stevo started doing stand up and i can't believe i get to sit next to the iron mike tyson man one of the coolest most amazing athletes in the world thanks for rolling with the punches tonight champ i bet you haven't been [ __ ] on this hard since you cleaned your pigeon coop this morning not only do you love pigeons but you sound like one listen i'm not going to make fun of mike tyson because that's right and i'm going to [ __ ] on you that's right i know i know if you're willing to do that to your face imagine what he would do to mine what is that on your face a target for pepper spray mike the ironic thing is after all the faces you bashed in the one you [ __ ] up the most is your own uh but there's no denying the fact that mike tyson had the hardest hitting right hook in history your opponent spent more time bleeding in the corner than charlie's ex-wives too soon too soon too real too real and now that the goddess has moved out charlie had to start snorting coke off his own dick has anybody seen uh your ex god of spree olsen's latest movie last time i saw that many guys coming out of the same hole i was watching the rescue of the chilean miners charlie your work has always inspired me when i saw platoon i started caring about the troops when i saw wall street i wanted to take over the world when i saw two and a half men i wanted to get up and go see a movie charlie by taking these punches from us tonight you prove to all your fans that you're the new king of the comebacks yeah in fact in fact you've come on more backs than anyone in hollywood charlie when you were on the tour i roasted you eight times in eight different cities and i got meaner every time you were a great sport perhaps the greatest sport in rose history and i don't know what you're gonna do next but whatever you decide i know firsthand that there's an army of fans out there waiting to check it out and support you in a big way i love you guys thank you so much

Channel: Comedy Central Brasil

Views: 4,639,416

Rating: 4.8572226 out of 5

Keywords: Jeff Ross (TV Producer), Charlie, Friends, Roast, Best, Comedy Central, Comedy Central Brasil, Roast of Charlie sheen, fritada, engraçado, humor, mostra, diversão, comediante, riso, etapa, standup, famoso, TV, programa

Id: syJHxlJWGrk

Length: 9min 50sec (590 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 01 2014