Justin Bieber É Terra de Ninguém | Roast no Comedy Central

now that i just said what i needed to say about all the rest of these hoes and [ __ ] up on the stage it's time to talk about the [ __ ] of the hour justin leave it to bieber justin's life changed when usher heard one of his songs and liked it which only goes to prove that usher ain't black now justin you released so many horrible and unwatchable videos you should change your name to vanilla isis no no no real [ __ ] though real [ __ ] this is my [ __ ] right here [ __ ] [ __ ] hold on [ __ ] this is my [ __ ] what the [ __ ] [ __ ] this is my [ __ ] [ __ ] you had your shot [ __ ] this mod [ __ ] right here [ __ ] [ __ ] god damn [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] now most [ __ ] like myself we go a little crazy when we get famous buy some dope cars [ __ ] some bad [ __ ] but [ __ ] you bought a monkey i mean that monkey was more embarrassed than the one that started the age epidemic now when jaybird got arrested he had a big smile in his mug shot not because he gangster because he knows what goes on in jail yeah justin you so [ __ ] pretty when the inmates saw your mug shot they swiped right let me say this to you jb justin bieber dmb damn near black now see black people we normally hate when white people try to steal our culture and be like us minus the discrimination police brutality and the marching and [ __ ] that was until justin bieber came along we don't mind him smoking weed in public while sagging in the club pissing into my bucket drunk driving living in a mansion while playing loud music and hating the neighbors for not welcoming change welcome to the family my [ __ ] [Applause] and now speaking of someone who probably doesn't know he has a son justin bieber is here justin give it up for him it really is it's really so cool what he's doing you have no idea how awesome this is um my cast mate on snl kate mckinnon does a perfect impression of justin perfect right down to the [ __ ] justin has a lot of tattoos you have patience tattooed on your neck and this doesn't count right above his [ __ ] uh no no but justin's [ __ ] more models than bulimia he's the only thing they swallow and don't throw back up [Applause] justin you know i lost my dad on 9 11 and i always regretted growing up without a dad until i met your dad justin now i'm glad mine's dead all right well no seriously it doesn't i just want to say how cool it is for you to be doing this like you're the dude for our generation like and it's just so cool to see someone our age do exactly what he wants to do and you just like took over the world and like it's it really is an inspiration this kid's [ __ ] insane so thank you man i've always wanted to make fun of him because everybody my age likes it more than they like me and that's not okay so let's get to the kid that i've known longer than anybody else up here mr justin bieber he may have just turned 21 but justin will always be a baby to me since babies piss everywhere and never know when to shut the [ __ ] up i remember one day i got this call saying we want you to collaborate with this little dude who will do anything to get famous and i was like great i love kevin hart you know that's my guy but this dude turned out to be justin [ __ ] baby and together we dropped the track called baby it's got over a billion hits on youtube that's because i'm in it it also has 4 million dislikes that's because he's in it it's like you try to roll like a gangster man but you're not tough justin i'm here to let you know man i know you've been on ellen 14 times you act so much like a [ __ ] on the show ellen tried to eat you i mean come on but you become a music icon like a modern day michael jackson the only difference is as michael got older he acted whiter justin bieber wants to be black so bad he actually has seen kevin hart's movies in theaters ladies and gentlemen wow justin honestly i feel bad kicking you while you're down but since you want to be black you might as well get used to it man no honestly man it takes a very brave soul to get up here and i just want to say i love you jb i'm glad that you did this this is a beautiful thing y'all make some noise for my man justin b justin bieber everybody seems like only yesterday you were discovered on youtube time flies when you're a piece of [ __ ] no justin's fans are called beliebers because these days it's considered politically incorrect to use the term retards [Applause] justin you've been on ellen more than a [ __ ] juice mustache mine was better ludacris justin was born to a teenage single mom no wonder he's got moves he was in the womb dodging a coat hanger justin selena gomez had to [ __ ] you she is literally the least lucky selena in all of entertainment history [Applause] no justin you're so successful you're so rich you're like our beatles um not the band the bugs that live and [ __ ] so justin i just want to tell you i think that you are well on your way to becoming a handsome young gentleman and i really think that things are going to get better after this for you and thank you thank you for letting me be here and do this thank you justin bieber now as many of you know i'm a police detective in the city of miami so justin as a police officer of the law i'm going to give it to you straight which i know will be a new experience for you i got a question justin what kind of [ __ ] eggs his neighbor's house you caused twenty thousand dollars in damages imagine the damage you would have caused if you threw like a boy and what are you doing dropping 75 g's in the miami strip club i heard the dj play one of your songs and the dancers complained their [ __ ] were drying up [Applause] justin as a father of six you gotta straighten up son you know last year you were ranked the fifth most hated person of all time kim jong-un didn't even score that low and he uses your music to [ __ ] torture people but thanks to that music justin is worth over 200 million dollars and in prison four packs of cools justin got a tattoo of jesus on his calf why you got to bring jesus in your mess that man has suffered enough seriously justin i love you you're a platinum recording artist give it up you're a model give it up you're a sex symbol give it up i just want to say justin timberlake i [ __ ] love you thank you [Applause] justin bieber the man here huh let's hear it why are you here this is a terrible idea you're about to get [ __ ] harder than orlando bloom [ __ ] selena gomez [Applause] for a guy worth 200 million dollars why do you dress like sharon stone in the 90s you look like cisco [ __ ] peter pan and then got cast on orange is the new black baby is the most hated video online like statistically if you check that [ __ ] out okay and there are also isis videos online okay that means that someone saw a video with a guy screaming death to america and sawing someone's head off and thought nope still not worse than bieber featuring luda in a bowling alley [Applause] thank you thank you guy half my age seriously man i'm proud of you you have it all you literally are a guy who has it all except for respect love friends good parents and a grammy thank you [Applause]

Channel: Comedy Central Brasil

Views: 110,275

Keywords: Comedy Central, Comedy Central Brasil, Humor, Comédia, Comediante, Roast, Justin Bieber

Id: bYtVWvUk1mU

Length: 10min 25sec (625 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 09 2020