Reading My Fan Fiction - Very Really Good #157

[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] all right hey guys welcome back to the very really good podcast this is episode 157 i believe yes i do believe i did i do declare i do decl i do declare that is episode 157 i do declares that's uh what other people say when if people who work at claire's that's what they say when they when someone asks what they do for work i do declares i do the players players or just or is it just claire it's claire's yeah you know the place you get your friggin your freaking penis pierced you got a prince albert at claire's can you do that do they do that asking for a friend do they do prince alberts at claire's uh yeah they do piercings there i don't know maybe they do like because most piercing places are like they also do tattoos right so if you get a tattoo at claire's with like all the ink they have is like glittery and pink and you can only get like jojo c wow tats i'll be kind of fire i'd go i get a jojo siwata at claire's i give it a go right get your freaking wiener pierced get a jojo siwatat you know and and then and then and then go to taco bell because you're in a mall then go to taco bell for dessert prince albert you get a prince albert at claire's and you go to burger king okay because now you're the king you may have a prince albert but you're a king all right and then you go to dairy queen after for dessert and your insides are going to be like what are you doing to me you had burger king for for lunch after getting your after getting your wiener pierced and you put glittery ink in under your into your dermis and now you're now you're what now you're getting now you're gonna wash it down with dairy queen just because you want just because you wanted to have a royal day with all the the princes and the queens and kings all right all right i guess what i'm saying is do they do adult circumstances and circumcisions at claire's they should start doing that um how we i hope you guys are doing all right this is uh the podcast if this is the first time you're listening to it sorry a bit of a weird bit to start the podcast with what the [ __ ] um but here we are man this is what we do this is the podcast we shoot the [ __ ] we uh you know we talk about some goofy stuff it's a little more this is the first time you're watching this is a little more laid back you know my my main channel videos are highly edited very scripted but you know this is sort of a more you know relaxed time you know if the main channel is a wave pool this is sort of the lazy river if you will you know what i mean we're on the lazy river and there's a and there's a and there's a dad who's just sort of in your way the whole time and his foot is almost in your mouth and you can't really move because you're in a lazy river and you go where the river takes you you know what i mean so sometimes when you listen to this podcast halfway through you're like oh there's a guy's [ __ ] foot in my mouth that's weird i don't remember that happening who are you and he's gonna be like oh sorry i'm just listening to the podcast as well this is a great bit said no one said no one while listening to this podcast no one's ever been like that's really funny no one's ever been like that's a good bit that's from a professional comedian um that's all good but it's all good mate it's all good brother um i uploaded what happened this week i uploaded a video um so give it up for me yes thank you i know i know i know it's pretty crazy i uploaded a video um last friday about um [Music] the internet's most absurd lies is the title okay i i've been i did this series on my channel um where i talked about people lying on the internet for clout essentially um and they're always really fun and like the first lives video was like the first video of mine to get over a million views so it was like you know big milestone for me and those videos always good i made three of them because it's just so they're just so fun um and i didn't want to make i just like trilogies of things i think i've said this before on the podcast i like when there's three it's cool right um but like then i think about it for more than a second i'm like oh i'm a youtuber so i can it doesn't matter if there's a trilogy because what the [ __ ] am i george lucas no even he didn't do a trilogy he did but it's now there's 10 of them right did the original one right this you know four five and six but he was like you know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna i'm gonna start doing you know episode one two and three so that's what this one then my new video is basically the phantom menace of my of that series um there's a yeah there's a pretty racist alien in it um jar jar binks is what i'm talking about it's pretty crazy how like you can look this up but just how like offensive some of the characters were in star wars especially phantom menace right um but this isn't about star wars okay what if dude if george lucas was actually like a youtuber on the side he had his like star he put out like blockbusters star wars movies and then like the next like after like if after [ __ ] attack of the clones came out he was like on his channel he was like what's up guys today we're gonna be uh today we do today we're going to be uh doing smash or pass we're going to be doing smasher pass the brady bunch edition and you're like director what are you doing on here that's awesome i wish he should be george lucas should be a youtuber he's my favorite youtuber yeah quentin tarantino favorite youtuber man um celebs you know because uh he got you know they got their their movie clips are on youtube right so they're in and you know inadvertently youtubers you know what i mean so there you go that's it all directors are youtubers we're figuring it out slowly on the podcast we're gonna get there um speaking of celebs dude how was that for a [ __ ] segway dude wrong button i'm sorry [Laughter] how's that for a [ __ ] segway dude nice wet little [ __ ] all right um speaking of celebs uh there was a you guys see this stuff about [ __ ] ashton kutcher and mila kunis um apparently they're on kristen bell's podcast or dax shepard's podcast and they they're saying that they only bathe their kids when they stink uh first off kids always [ __ ] stink you know what do you yeah okay only bathe kids when they stink they're kids they pick their ass and they pick their nose and they eat it and they go um can i have can i have four can i have four sugar cubes please that's a kid that isn't my impression of a kid can i have four sugar cubes please you know you know kids just cough you know how kids just [ __ ] cough they don't cover their mouth at all it's you're getting some on you all right you only bathe your kid when they stink uh oh that kid's always in the bath then that kid has never seen the sun your son has never seen the sun because they stink all the time because it's a [ __ ] kid what are we talking about um okay yeah so back to what they said mila kunis and ashton kutcher said you know they don't bathe them oh wait no no sorry sorry [ __ ] dax and and of course a guy named dax doesn't wash his kids no [ __ ] um dax and kristen they said that you don't they don't wash their kids until they see dirt on them what like i know i know it's not good to like bathe every single day right it's like and like shampooing is bad every day it's like bad for your natural you know you gotta get the natural oils going i get it but like you can shower them every other day i think that's fine you know because that's just going to be like they're going to carry that into adulthood probably and be like oh well i'm not i don't really stink that bad because you don't know when you stink that's the thing well sometimes i'll go like i'll catch a whiff in my armpit and i'll go whoa and i go holy [ __ ] you know i'll go oh my god that smells like a a denny's dumpster in there that smells like a denny's dumpster um and then i'll put some deodorant on and i'll be like okay okay i'll have a shower you know what i mean but if it's like sometimes you're going about your day you don't know you don't know if you stink so it's better to just you know do a little a quick little shower just to cover the bases right so obviously this like sparked a bunch of stuff in like in the celebrity world um and like everyone was chiming in um what did the rock the rock said something yeah the rock responds to okay the rock proclaims he's the opposite of a not washing themselves celeb yeah let's get to the other side of the spectrum um okay on the opposite of a not washing themselves celeb he said before breaking down his routine all right this is what he does every day shower cold when i roll out of bed to get my day rolling shower warm after my workout before work shower hot after i get home from work face wash body wash exfoliate and i sing off key in the shower he's just like us aha i'm like the rock because i can't sing well in the shower either that rocks for me i'm the rock now i'm the rock because i do that okay so and then some other guy some okay actor comedian jeon mark john marcos soresi retweeted johnson's post and said this is weirder than not showering and then rock then the rock replied nothing weird about this my friend i work out twice a day and then i go to work for 12 plus hours i shower three times easy to understand you work for 12 plus hours in a day and you work out twice why i know i know he's the rock and he has to like maintain all of his humongous boobs and arms but still man you can have a day to relax i shower three times an hour okay i'm the [ __ ] rock you ever would you prefer a dry rock or a wet rock always a wet rock okay push because uh i don't know what i'm saying you know everyone and you think of a rock you think of a this is him in an interview you think of a rock you know what's better would you prefer a dry or dry rock or a wet rock like i don't it's a rock it doesn't really matter he's like wet exactly hey you think you prefer a wet rock all right dwayne the wet rock johnson he's [ __ ] soaked all day taking three showers and then [ __ ] terry crews was like what yeah what did he say and you see of course when you search terry crew's shower the freeze the freeze frame of him in an old spice commercial pops up of course it does um okay yeah crew okay terry crews said he took three showers because he's he's sweating a lot he was saying like basically what he said what terry crews said he was like if i'm not sweating then i'm not showering like it's only if you're sweating you know you don't need to you don't need to if you're not sweating but like i my like the takeaway here i think is like not showering you know it's sort of like a like a celeb i think it's like a celeb privilege to be honest right i feel like you can sort of get away with that you live in huge houses that have like crazy air conditioning i'm sure you don't have to worry about like sweating around your house and [ __ ] right you have people like doing your yard work for you people doing all your [ __ ] for you you know what i mean so it's like yeah i'm fine i haven't done anything i've sort of just been like sitting sort of just been sitting on a pile of cash so yeah you don't really need to need a shower if you if you sit on a pile of cash um but yeah i decided funny i wanted to talk about it because celebs are [ __ ] something else but we're going to change the subject guys we got a big one i feel like this would probably take up like the rest of the episode but um we're gonna do something that i've been um i've been wanting to do for like a main channel video but i just don't i don't know for some reason i don't want to so i feel like it'd be better to re reformat it and we can do it on the podcast i'm gonna read um i'm gonna read a fan fiction okay um that someone wrote about me and danny it's sort of like a love triangle between us and obama because those are the fan fictions i like okay the ones that are like funny not the ones that are like just horny because that makes me uncomfortable um so we're going to read this together all right so you know kick back um and um let's get to reading it i'm excited this is a couple pages so this is going to be a while so i hope you guys are i hope this is entertaining i don't know this episode of very really good is sponsored by sleeper fantasy sports always seemed pretty fascinating to me i could see myself you know enjoying it having a good time but i've just never got into it because the whole process of like starting it seems so intimidating and confusing luckily sleeper is here to solve that problem if you've never heard a sleeper before wake up sleeper is the best app to host your fantasy football basketball and esports leagues sleeper delivers an innovative seamless and clean mobile experience and oh yeah did i mention that it's completely free unlike older boring fantasy platforms sleeper has personality okay sleeper 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the link in my description and download sleeper on the app store or google play and find out why millions of people have made the switch to sleeper for their fantasy sports fix and it also helps me out a bunch when you guys check out the sponsor so everybody wins here man all right thank you so much to sleeper for sponsoring this episode um hope you guys check them out uh back to the pod okay i'll try not to okay yeah let's get into it okay so chapter one um obama's appearance curtis wakes up feeling refreshed he grabs a drink of watered-down iced tea yummy he yells finishing the drink with a large gulp time to film a video yep yeah that is every morning curtis pulls on a curtis town shirt he sits down in front of the camera then clicks record welcome my channel if you're new here what's up how's it going anybody coming up if you're coming back what's up how's it going it's really good to see you again hope you're doing well so your apps when you subscribe you get an extra greeting well that don't say that anymore uh so it doesn't really you gotta edit this you gotta hate it uh curtis proceeds to do his iconic clap folks today curtis gets interrupted by his phone ringing well who could this be he picks it up and sees that it's an unknown number curtis answers the phone which also is not true if i see an unknown number i don't answer it okay so get the [ __ ] facts straight i guess this is fiction so um hello curtis i've called to say i enjoy your videos very much you're my favorite youtuber who is this i think you know me curtis i really think you do you sound familiar you sound like obama ah okay i'll do an obama voice oh i see that you recognize me or rather my iconic voice is this someone pranking me i mean obama the former president wow uh this isn't a prank curtis turn around curtis obeys he swivels his head around and sees obama curtis stands there in pure shock a million questions race through his mind yeah how'd you get in here why are you here how do you know me obama takes a step forward and grabs curtis's shoulder uh watch your videos curtis you're a very brilliant person and how i got in here that's a secret i'll never tell xoxo obama i came here to offer you a job working as my media coordinator what working for obama that's a dream come true i can totally work for you when can i start tomorrow come over to my place so we can chat about your new career obama hands curtis a business card and on the back it has his address see you tomorrow so it just has the white house right that's where he lives i don't think i need the address uh [Music] see you tomorrow obama waves and smoke comes out of nowhere obama disappears curtis stands in his mouth wide open shocked to confuse guess i'm going to obama's tomorrow yeah it is really funny to think that of like the president being like he's like maybe like ordering something and they're like yeah can you just get get your address and they know he's the president too yeah can we just get your mailing address so we can send it to you and he's like the [ __ ] white house where you think you know where i live i just think that's a little silly or whatever um all right chapter two a hint of jealousy curtis can't wait to tell his friends the first person he calls is danny gonzalez come on come on pick up danny the phone keeps ringing right as curtis is about to hang up danny answers yes curtis that's what he sounds like guess who just stopped by my house i don't know i'm kind of busy right now obama dude obama that's a lie i'm not kidding bro i meant what's his first name um i think it's obama then what's his last name obama i think look i don't know gurnan i have proof i got it all on video i'll send you it all right fine curtis sends the unedited video to danny then has to be photoshopped no sir he came here if you want you can come to his house with me really curtis wow thanks what time are you going i'm leaving my house at 1pm i'll pick you up along the way thanks bye girl that's what he sounds like in real life i know he like puts on a fake voice for his videos it's [ __ ] annoying um if you ever meet danny in real life that's what he's like um and danny hangs up curtis begins to plan his outfit for tomorrow in his head he goes to his closet to pick out a dress shirt and nice pants curtis is bubbling with excitement but danny sounded unphased no hint of happiness for curtis and his voice curtis wondered why yeah why wouldn't you be happy for me man the plot thickens um chapter three obama crib that's what they called the white house when he was when he was president um curtis sits in his car outside danny's house he turns down the music as danny walks out the door so in this world i get the call from toronto i drive to like chicago and then from there i'm because that's on the way i guess and then we're gonna drive to washington dc okay um he turns down the music as danny walks out the door he's wearing a fancy black suit with a bright yellow tie upon closer inspection the ty has small kermits curtis waves and danny opens the car door hey man what's with the tie curtis ass looking closer at it my grandma got me this tie don't you dare make fun of it i think a kermit tie is very fashionable and i think obama will enjoy it danny sits down and buckles his seat belt he puts a lemon lacroix in the cup holder i wasn't making fun of that i think it's pretty cool obama will definitely like it by the way are you excited to see him this is an opportunity of a lifetime danny gives a small smile yeah it's definitely exciting just checking you seem a little unenthusiastic to see the former president he's a legend i'm excited just a little nervous i guess curtis pulls out of the driveway and heads down the road he takes a left danny sips on his lacroix do you actually like that stuff it's like watered down juice okay true i [ __ ] i hate lacroix i don't like it so there's probably something i would say you know i'd probably say something like get that out of my face get that out of my car you know um get that out of my car's face even you know i drive lightning mcqueen um i'm inside lightning mcqueen at all times and it's a dream come true um danny looks at curtis like he's crazy this oh wait this stuff is luxury soda he takes another sip it's the essence of fruit and i'm taking a break from soda anyways being healthy you know curtis laughs yeah yeah i know i should probably be more healthy too i drink so many energy drinks it's a little scary uh curtis continues to drive i didn't know obama lived by you yeah it's really crazy maybe he just moved here or this might be a vacation house curtis drives up a long curvy path the path is shaded with surrounding trees blocking the view on both sides after about five minutes they arrive at an iron gate curtis notices a buzzer he clicks a random button on it hello oh hello you're at the obama residence may i have your name a lady's voice echoes out of a speaker sorry i didn't see you as a lady's voice she has the deepest [ __ ] voice yes this is curtis connor with danny gonzalez a couple seconds go by then the lady speaks again all right you may enter uh the gate opens curtis drives through and soon they see a huge mansion the mansion is cream white with a spanish style roof it has a bmw parked in the front brick driveway the lawn is perfect a fresh green color with no weeds and that ain't perfect bro you can't say you can't have perfect and no weed in the same sentence bro it's [ __ ] impossible all right man and that's on like the video like the podcast of your [ __ ] pod head bro like this like the video if you're if you're rolling up a doobie right now dude um flowering bushes surround the front lawn which has four white lawn chairs sitting by an oak tree curtis parks his car in the driveway and gets out him and danny walk up to the door and knock obama opens the door dressed in beige dress pants and a fancy plaid shirt hello i'm glad you could make it i know you're curtis and you must be danny curtis smiles and danny shakes hands with obama come inside michelle's working but she made a delicious cucumber salad ooh yo michelle obama could probably make a great cucumber salad um curtis and danny step inside they are in the foyer uh where a grand staircase leads to more rooms and a chandel oh yeah chandelier just like chandler and uh and chandler bing and a chandelier hangs from the ceiling lighting the room in a soft glow and then [ __ ] ross gellers in the next room um this is a lovely house mr obama oh wait this is a lovely house mr obama danny says looking at the room in awe thank you danny michelle picked out some of the furniture and lighting fixtures it's truly a wonderful home now come with me to the living room obama smiles and walks to a door frame on the right curtis and danny follow behind taking in the house they enter the living room it has a large it has a large light grey couch with various throw pillows all perfectly placed a glass table sits in front of the couch two cozy armchairs sit by the grand white brick fireplace the top of the fireplace is adorned with pictures of obama and his family they're really painting a picture i like it they're a good writer um you can sit on the couch if you'd like i'll pull up an armchair for myself obama pulls the armchair closer to the glass table across from danny and curtis the cucumber salad sits in a wooden bowl on the table two plates forks and napkins rest by the salad curtis puts some salad on his plate danny grabs his fork examining it real silver spoons do you like the design obama asks oh yes it's very intricate danny points out he grabs some salad on his fork so i've called you here to tell you about your job as my media coordinator curtis you get to pick photos from my social media add captions create ads and come up with photo and video ideas how does that sound that sounds great curtis says your income will be 70k a year obama ads he could probably pay more than that he's obama all right but you know starting position that's a great that's great for a starting position i'll say that um wow thanks for this job this is the best opportunity ever curtis exclaims danny quietly eats his salad not saying anything he slightly frowns obama notices something wrong obama asked looking at danny then he looks up oh sorry i'm fine all right so curtis when can you start as soon as you'd like sir curtis nearly shouts obama laughs you're very eager that's good i know you'll be passionate about the job curtis and obama continue to chat i just said obama okay obama curtis and obama continue to chat danny doesn't take part of the conversation instead he gets up and exits the room soon finding himself lost in the house danny finds himself in a large office the office has a wooden desk and chair with filing cabinets the windows give natural lighting to the room danny walks towards the desk he notices a file saying top secret in big red letters danny opens it oh [ __ ] holy [ __ ] inside the top secret file danny finds a list of names in bold red ink crossed out he finds curtis's name at the end of the long list the only name without a line through it the next pages in the file have information on the people on the list their age address gender past jobs and more personal information like social security numbers danny takes out the very last page in the file it has all of curtis's information what is obama doing with all this information danny asks himself he attempts to put everything back the way it was when he found it danny places the file back on the desk and creeps back to the door but as he reaches for the doorknob the door swings open to reveal obama standing behind it danny jumps back in surprise what are you doing in my office mr gonzalez obama asks his arms crossed danny hesitates to answer i i got lost in your house obama gives a look of skepticism i know what you did danny i know what you've seen you leave me no choice but to explain obama sighs and goes on with his explanation i recruit people with the promise of a job they all accept it of course they're working for obama after all i hold them captive in my house they work for me day and night making sure i become the most successful politician in the world i shall conquer the earth one day oh my god danny takes us all in obama why would you choose curtis to be recruited i genuinely like his videos i think he would be very productive obama's okay well thank you wow thank you thank you obama if i ever meet obama i'm gonna have to bring this up because like remember when you remember when you said this to me you're like [ __ ] you talking about this like the fan fiction you know remember um okay i [Music] i knew something was fishy all along a commentary youtuber randomly recruited by a former president it's just also obvious that you're up to something too bad people are easily blinded by your fame danny replies shaking his head obama goes to speak but before he can danny dash out of the office door hey come back here obama yells chasing danny danny runs down the hallway finally stopping at the grand entrance curtis he yells curtis doesn't respond back obama is rushing down the stairs danny runs into the living room and then into a large lavish bathroom he locks the door then he sits down and breathes heavily from exhaustion he hears obama's footsteps outside the door i know you're in there it's too late anyways i've already captured curtis and i'll capture you too holy [ __ ] chapter five behind the locked door out of nowhere two henchmen dressed in black suits and sunglasses accompanied obama they had danny cornered now grab him obama commanded the henchmen they walked forward and grabbed danny by the arms and lifted him off the ground with little effort uh let me go he yelled flailing his arms and attempting to kick the henchmen sorry let me know they simply ignored his shouts and gripped his arms even tighter obama beckoned the men to follow him after walking through a few rooms they finally arrived at a large warm lit dining room [ __ ] loaded obama opened the door and the men walked forward they descended wooden stairs and reached a concrete floor danny looked around there were about a dozen or more distressed looking men and women all typing frantically at computers two more henchmen regarding the door with guns in their holsters the room was dimly lit with worn down looking metal tables and chairs the walls were supported only by wood and overall looked like an unfinished basement turned into an office to the right of the worksplay workspace was two long metal tables put together the tables had plates and cups set on them and danny assumed that's where the workers ate he looked around once more and saw curtis already typing away at a computer tied to a chair by his ankles curtis danny yelled curtis glances at him then turns back and shakes his head curtis i'll save you obama laughs silly silly boy there is no escaping my clutch you have proven uncooperative i will send you to trump uh what trump i would rather work for you please spare me no no no you don't understand you shall be my spy what i still don't want to be around trump that foul foul creature just let me have a desk job like curtis danny pleaded obama looks at the guards holding danny obama nods the henchmen nod back their grip on dan tenses that's so funny that they use dan once that's so funny man said danny for the whole story one time they say dan and then that's it i don't want to put ny at the end all right they're grip on dan tenses [ __ ] that's so funny dude um okay uh they start walking across the bay the bear room danny tried to peer over the bulking the hulking bodies of the henchmen to look at the computer screens but he couldn't see anything past them the henchmen stop in front of a door the door has several locks and bolts one of the henchmen takes a key out of his pocket and puts it in a lock the other man takes another key out of his pocket and puts it in the lock below they take out several more keys and unlock the rest of the locks hold him while i open the door will you one of the henchmen says he walks forward towards the doorknob danny is teaming with curiosity as to what's behind the door piles of cash a secret lair a complex computer system a torture chamber everything seemed to be in slow motion to dan okay here we go we got the i guess danny is dan from now on uh the henchman's hand was reaching reaching grabbing the knob it was turning turning and then he heard a click it was time to face whatever was behind the door the man opened it whoa inside was a black suit and a case okay a tiny golden pistol sat beside it in another glass case the golden pistol shine and sparkled like a diamond the suit was so crisp and sharp and professional looking denny wondered why he was being taken in here before he could wander anymore he feels a tap on his shoulder the henchman guard drops him on his feet dan turns around and sees obama impressive i know you have the wonderful opportunity of getting to wear my special suit and to use my golden pistol why would i wear this why are you making me do danny asks obama smiles you'll be assassinating trump for me whoa this took a turn man this is not what i was expecting at all okay part six the man for the job assassinating what danny cried out obama chortles yes yes assassinating the cheeto man from the start i knew i could have a special job for you danny boy danny held his head in his hands he paced the room finally coming to a stop in front of barack okay also first time they've used his first name you can't be serious i am stone cold serious you were made for this you've got this wit and charm and loyalty to curtis you know when something is going to go wrong you go with your gut i admire you so much dan i know you are the man for the job barack obama walks over to the glass case holding the suit he presses his fingerprint to a screen next to the case and a glass door opens go on over and try this suit i want to make sure it fits exactly as needed obama and the henchmen step out of the room to let danny change that's very nice of them actually for someone who's like kidnapping them it's very polite uh you know privacy is a top priority um come in barack walks in he whispers something to the henchmen and they leave the room does it fit obama asks yes perfectly how how did you know what size to make the suit i know everything about you i have watched your vines and your videos every one of them obama beams at danny and it's not too hard to find everything on the internet barack winks he walks over to the other glass case with the golden gun he unlocks the case with his fingerprint pulling a latex glove from his pocket he puts it on his right hand and removes the gun from its home obama holds it up to the light admiring the sparkling surface he turns around and hands it to danny perfectly perfect untouched preserved the golden gun my prized possession now yours take care of it i'll get you a briefcase to put it in brock turns back around and gets out a black case from behind the glass stand he hands it to danny dan slips the gun into the case and clicks it shut we will of course do some target practice you're a talented young man but you're only a youtuber i'm not expecting you to have perfect aim but the day has come to an end and you will need rest i will lead you to a bedroom obama and danny walk out the room but danny hesitates i want to see curtis i will let you talk to him you have been good today danny walks out of the room and sees curtis working he can't wait to talk to him man this is [ __ ] gnarly okay chapter seven lacroix filled mini fridge um yeah i don't think we'll have time for advice this is a long story okay danny walks over to the desk curtis is working at he is typing away not even noticing that danny is standing beside him beside him curtis danny exclaims this gets his attention and he turns to the left seeing his friend looking excited and joyful oh danny hi hey uh i'm sorry i just i feel like we're being watched this is kind of awkward you know danny looks behind and sees the guard by the door he just came out of and two guards by the door looking as solemn as ever he looks back at curtis and shrugs i mean i doubt they can hear us no you don't understand curtis looks down on his keyboard and back up at danny i'm not talking about the guards i think there's recording devices practically everywhere they're in the computers and we probably have them attached to us or something i need to speak to you in private we got to get out of here i mean never mind well anyways the reason i came here to talk to you is because i'm going on a mission to assassinate trump and if i never come back tell my mother i'm sorry i think i'll make it out alive but it's a risky thing and i don't know why obama chose me to do it but it's my mission curtis stands up and hugs danny i'm gonna try to escape don't try to stop me i'm miserable here i want to be a youtuber again i need to give my extra greeting to the citizens of curtistown danny pulls back at nods giving a final pat to his friend's shoulder he walks back to the entrance to the secret room with obama standing beside the doorway i said goodbye to him i know you will miss your friend dearly but you will see him again now to your bedroom my wife was in charge of decor and i think it looks lovely danny followed obama out of the room and up to the second level of the house danny agreed with obama in his head that michelle decorated the house wonderfully the hallway was a pale gray with various pictures framed the obama family danny began to see barack as more of a family man than less of a boss as he passed by the photos barack opened one of the many doors in the hallway inside was a large bedroom with cream white walls and a sage green accent wall the bed had soft throw pillows and the fuzziest blanket danny had ever felt and the star of it all a mini fridge with all the lacroix flavors i hope you liked that obama commented with a smile i love it thank you now i need to know when does my mission start well you need to have a little bit of target practice so in two weeks we'll deploy you for the mission i will go over the details with you later on we need to get a good night's sleep see you in the morning danny chapter eight training um i don't know how many chapters this is okay there's nine chapters so we're almost done [ __ ] okay heavy pounding in the door woke danny hello he said groggily a guard entered the room get up you have training today the guard okay get up you have training today the guard then exited danny laid his head back down on the pillow he wasn't used to getting up so early the sun peeked through the blinds and casted a golden glow on the bed just as danny was about to fall back to sleep the guard entered again i figured this would happen i'm not reminding you again get up the guard yanked the blanket and sheets off him leaving dan shivering and forced to get up did you really have to do that he complained the guard rolled his eyes and walked up the door danny's excited for the day he wondered what the training would have in store for them danny gets always to the foyer i have a little surprise for you obama's voice broomed boom from downstairs he left his room and went down the hallway danny looked down from the star railings and saw obama holding a small container what's in the box he asked once he made his descent to the floor obama was on barack smiled and opened the container inside was a chocolate chip muffin um a muffin oh danny can help feeling a bit disappointed since all of obama's gifts have been very extravagant despite this he still managed to give him a weak smile well thank you he took the muffin and bit into it dan stood there in a bit of a shock this tastes absolutely heavenly who made this he took another bite into the muffin well then i'll tell michelle you liked it once danny was finished with the muffin the former president led him outside the backyard was huge and was separated by two main parts first part was for recreational use it had a pool patio and a well-kept garden second part had a large expanse of green grass and it looked like an obstacle course was set up there were monkey bars a wooden climbing wall ropes and the last section had target setup this will be the area you're training i want to test your strength your skill and your agility now i'm no fitness expert but michelle is so she'll be training you obama looked over danny's shoulder and danny turned around to see michelle wearing a tracksuit and a whistle around her neck she greeted danny with a smile and this is this did not end up where i thought it was going to end up so obama's recruiting youtubers to [Music] so he has like a bunch of people prisoner he's forcing danny to kill trump um okay this is michelle now thanks honey all right are you ready to get pumped up michelle exclaimed danny felt enthusiasm course through his veins yes i am nicki minaj's super bass begins playing okay ten laps around the yard go and with the click of a timer dan runs off he went for the occasional run now and then but he wasn't used to being timed despite this he wanted to impress michelle and prove his worth around five laps in he started feeling exhausted there was a stitch at his side but danny pushed through it michelle noticed his visible exhaustion and decided it was time for some words of motivation come on you can do this danny was on his last lap giving one final spurt of speed he dashed to where michelle was standing 8 minutes and 35 seconds not bad then he said in front of michelle bent over trying to catch his breath michelle gave him a pat on his on the shoulder you have to do the obstacle course next dan walked over to the start of the course he would have to do the monkey bars first easy enough right he thought all right when i blow this whistle you'll start once you get done with the monkey bars you move on to the next obstacle no breaks in between do your best you got this michelle said holding the whistle on your marks get set danny got into a running position and go michelle's whistle blew and he climbed up the ladder he fixed two hands on the bar in front of him and dropped down from the platform dangling in the air danny swung forward gripping the other bar struggling he swung forward again he felt himself slipping from the bar and quickly kept swinging forward he was almost there reaching forward for the last bar he swung his body to it and once he reached it he hopped down onto the platform remember no pausing michelle reminded him danny ran through the orange cones lined up in front of him he then stepped through tires and did 20 jumping jacks he felt like he was back in elementary school gym class finishing off he climbed a ladder to a platform in a tree he would have to swing on a rope to the other side taking the rough rope in his hands danny backed up to the very edge of the platform then he began running and jumped he swung through the air feeling relief of the cool wind on his face the next platform was so close his feet touched the tip of the wooden platform danny jumped he fell uh-oh all right this is the last one i guess chapter nine get wheezed um curtis was miserable he was chained up to the desk by his ankles the handcuffs digging into his skin leaving red marks critics had to spend all day researching what trump was doing he wondered what danny was doing why did he get to go on special missions while curtis was stuck at a desk sitting at a computer every single day exactly curtis was supposed to upload a video yesterday maybe his fans would know something is wrong the other people down in the basement looked depressed with bags on the rise and horrible posture oh this just sounds like me anyway they never talked to each other curtis guessed that they weren't allowed to the basement was silent aside from the clicking of keyboards but all of a sudden curtis heard something it was faint but it got louder was it a song what's with these homies this and my girl was someone singing curtis looked behind him other people had also heard the music and were looking around hey it's engineer work when the security guards shouted everyone turned back around but the song got louder uh why do they got a front what do we ever do these guys that made them so violent curtis knew he heard those xerics before but he couldn't remember the name of song but you know i'm yours and i know you're mine and that's all and that's for all of time people started getting distracted again even the security guard was trying to figure out who it was ooh i look just like buddy holly oh and you're marry tyler moore i don't care what they say about us anyway i don't care about that curtis finally figured it out it was buddy holly by weezer but where is it playing from he looked to the side then he looked up on the ceiling there was an intercom and the song was playing from it why is obama playing weezer hello workers i'm just letting you know that buddy holly by weezer is the new alarm to signal that it's lunchtime obama's voice boom trove for the intercom curtis always looked forward to launch he got a break from working and he got to be in chain from the desk everyone lined up to go to the lunch tables and at the other end of the at the end of the end of the basement once the security guards made sure everyone was seated you were allowed to eat the tables already had food and silverware on them today's lunch was flavorless iceberg lettuce salad a ham and cheese sandwich and a apple it wasn't fine dining but it was edible during lunch people whispered to each other curtis wondered if they talked about him since he's the newcomer he hadn't made an attempt to socialize with anyone yet curtis decided to talk to someone a 30-something-year-old woman was sitting next to him picking out her salad hey what's your name the woman stopped eating and stared maybe asking about names wasn't allowed around here the salad is pretty flavorless curtis left awkwardly in an attempt to make her feel more comfortable the attempt did not work the woman moved her chair away from curtis uh it's probably because i didn't shower right taking that as a cue to give up he went back to eating a salad hey you're curtis connor right guess who it is it's me john mulaney tom elainey chris turn around saw smiling john sitting at the table behind him yeah not working for a bone i can't believe it john shrugged and gave a half smile i've been here for about a week and a half i'm here to entertain obama then why are you down here eating in the basement even i comedy legend john edmund mullany do not get to eat lunch upstairs curtis thought it was very cruel of obama to not let john eat upstairs to be honest john i want to get out of here curtis said in a whisper me too i don't know how though those security guards are pretty tough guys it seems like everyone here gave up on getting out but look they're all depressed curtis agreed he hadn't found a way to escape yet he hoped that danny would come and rescue him soon look it's me and you curtis we're in this together now i've got to get out there to make my comedy special obama messed up my by luring me and do working for him people are going to get suspicious of my disappearance same here i'm not a celebrity like you but i have 3 million subscribers on youtube kurdistan will notice that i'm gone let's talk at lunch tomorrow about an escape plan yeah sure oh by the way my friend danny is here too but he's on some special mission john shook his head and frowned being here it changes people he's gonna forget about you curtis curtis was taken back taken aback he wasn't expecting such serious words out of a comedian i doubt it me and danny are good friends he won't forget about me curtis replies but inside he wonders if it's true that danny would abandon him get up everyone lunch time is over the security guards announce john and curtis get up we'll get out of here one day john says bye curtis bye this is it dude to be continued oh no it's a cliffhanger guys [ __ ] all right whoever is the author of this story this is your sign you have to finish it okay you have to wrap this story up okay so we can finish this people need to know the ending i need to know the ending um okay well i was gonna do advice but we're already like [ __ ] 50 minutes so um review that was one of the best fan fictions i've read of myself i've read maybe like four that was the best one so far writing was great story is amazing it's going in all so many different ways um and guys we need to leave a comment for this person to please finish the story all right and maybe we'll we'll do this like maybe this will be a new thing we can do on the podcast you know every every couple of months we'll read a new fan fiction or something who knows because this is fun um [Music] all right well i hope that was enjoyable i think we're gonna wrap it up now um if you guys want to check out the patreon where the bonus episode this week i'm gonna read another fan fiction and this one is called homeless tahati a curtis connor story so yeah if you want to check out that patreon.com so it's very really good it's the best way to support the podcast if you like it if you enjoy it you get bonus episodes every week um and those bonus episodes are more chill you know if if this is the if my main channel is a wave pool and this podcast is a lazy river the patreon the patreon episodes are i i don't i don't even know it's it's like a you know those like sensory sense sensory deprecate is that what it's called sensory deprivation tank that's what the patreon episodes are it's just motionless you know you don't you don't feel anything it's great um but yeah that was episode 157 hope you guys enjoyed it let me know if you liked it maybe we'll do some more fanfictions in the future um but yeah if you're the author finish it please we need to know um yeah thanks for listening hope you guys enjoyed hope you guys have a good week and um yeah i'll uh i will see you guys next week peace

Channel: Very Really Good

Views: 99,242

Rating: 4.9857635 out of 5

Keywords: kurtis conner, kurtis connor, very really good, vrg, fan fiction, kurtis conner podcast

Id: 9K_1e6u11qU

Length: 55min 47sec (3347 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 18 2021