r/AmiTheA**Hole For SAVING One Sister's LIFE Over The Other? (w/Updates)

good day there guys only watches these videos for the introductions and then immediately clicks off them back at it again with another episode of r slash am i the a-hole now if you love me like i love you i want you to click like on this video sit back relax and enjoy this bloody good content posted by user throw away 9988-5758 titled am i the a-hole for saving one sister's life and not the other unlike most insane titles on this sub this one isn't hyperbolic unfortunately i 22 female have little identical half sisters who are 16 who both have serious kidney issues they have both sadly reached a point where without a kidney transplant their quality of life will continue to decline and they might not see the other side of 20. obviously myself and my mom are devastated with this news it wasn't expected that they would be in this position so young for some backgrounds one of my sisters sarah is very much the tomboy like me we are really close and enjoy a lot of the same things we're like two peas in a pod that's not to say i don't love my other sister jade but we simply aren't as close she's a little more girly doesn't have as many shared interests as me and sarah do and so we just don't hang out as often i also don't see jade as much in general sarah doesn't like her dad's wife and so she spends less time with them while jade adores her so she has always spent more time at her dad's place both my mum my dad and both of the girls were totally happy with this setup jade also begged to go to a particular boarding school so i don't see her nearly as much as sarah nor have i for a very long time maybe one weekend a month for the last couple of years and some more over summer holidays i still love her dearly but i hope it's understandable now that i'm just much much closer with sarah we were equally close until jade started doing her own thing and making choices for herself and i don't in any way begrudge that i wouldn't say me and jay don't get along but there have definitely been some big spats over the years we all got tested to see if it would be possible to deliver donations and i'm the only match unfortunately i obviously only have two kidneys and i can only save one of my sisters there's every chance they might get a kidney from somewhere else but right now they aren't a priority and don't high on the transplant list i basically told my mum who told their dad that i want to donate my kidneys to sarah i thought about it so so much i know this means i am undeniably saying i love sarah more than jade and i guess i do unsurprisingly all hell broke loose about how i could do this to jade how could i be so cruel why would i do this and how can i just play with their lives i've been getting calls and texts from everyone who knows about this as far as i know neither sarah or jade have been told i get it i'm playing god here but it's my kidney yeah i feel like scum for choosing one sister over the other but one is my best friend and the other one is well not i feel like a monster for saying it and i know on a fundamental level it's wrong part of me wanted to flip a coin or something but i couldn't my whole family seems to be demonizing me for making this choice sorry if it's confusing the character count cut me off edits for some repeated questions currently their doctors can't tell who will deteriorate faster they are currently at similar ages and their most recent results have given no insight into whether or not sarah or jane will be worse off only time will tell but their current treatments are harsh on their organs so there is an element of urgency that makes us reluctant to just wait to see who gets sick of faster if it came down to jade needing a kidney next week and sarah not needing one until next year i would obviously donate to jade and hold out hope that sarah will get another donor i have suggested setting up a donut chain to my mum but this has all happened recently so it's still up in the air i have only been confirmed as a match and i haven't passed through all the other checkpoints and testing there is a very real chance that i can't donate atoll on the end which is why i only told my mum and not my sisters about how i felt to be explicitly clear as this question comes up a lot i don't think either deserves to die their parents are undeniably advocating for me to choose jade who has and i quote such a bright future but they just haven't said it explicitly i'm not choosing sarah because she deserves it i'm choosing sarah because i want to save her life jade has always been shall we say unkind to a lot of people and her dad has always acted like that's her right if i could save both i would if i can only save one and the doctors have no explicit results to say one needs it urgently i would choose to save the one i love not just the one i share blood with i personally think i'm an a-hole i think that if you looked past the kudos for trying to donate a kidney i think i'm doing something wrong it just isn't enough to make me change how i feel and i was hoping to get an impartial insight here as i obviously can't get one from my family this is a really hard one but the fact that they've like laid it all out on the table like that i have really no choice in my mind but to agree with her and i don't think she's an a-hole she's been completely transparent she hasn't told one or the other that you know i'm choosing you over you and that's such a hard decision to make and i was going to say she was an a-hole either way but it's obvious the parents have a favorite here and op is not going with their favorites of course they're biased and will think that opie is an a-hole for not saving their favorite childs but i think opie is not the a-hole no a-holes here it's a crappy situation assuming both their health risks is similar then i don't see a problem with choosing one and i also understand why everyone is freaking out but it probably would have been better to lie and say you flipped a coin because jade is going to be heartbroken when she finds out if she doesn't already know which she probably does since other people know rop says currently they have these same risks and are deteriorating at the same rate so there is no apparent medical basis to choose one over the other which is why this is so hard if jade had weeks and sarah had years then it would be a no-brainer frankly had i said i flipped a coin i think they would have gone ape crap because i made a life decision on a coin flip it feels like people had ticked with me because i only have one kidney going spare the part that hurts me the most i think is that i'm being judged for choosing sarah but i sort of think that's because jade is the golden child she's an absolute superstar at everything she does she really is and she works really hard at it too sarah is a bit more reserved and quiet and while she doesn't do poorly she isn't a straight a student either i think the term is a wallflower maybe but she certainly has never been dirted on as much as jade this favoritism is part of the reason sarah doesn't like to go to her dads my gut is telling me people are more devastated that the good child is the one not being picked and it makes me sick to think that had i said that i had chosen jade people would have called me a hero nobody has really talked about how else i should have picked like flipping a coin or asking the doctors everyone keeps focusing on how i could pick sarah over jade why don't i love jade why does jade deserve to die edits to be clear i don't believe sarah deserves to live any more than jade it is entirely my decision based on who i want for myself to live more i don't want jade to die but i want sarah to die less my point about what other people were saying is that their own parents are acting like jade deserves my kidney more because of her bright future i would be tempted to ask them bluntly should i donate my kidneys to jade instead of sarah and ask them to explain why if they're just being irrational because of grief and don't want to think about how you can only choose one that might knock some sense into them if they honestly believe jade deserves to live more than sarah well that's something you should know too kidney doctor here trying to hijack the top comment to try to emphasize something which i don't think was said before you don't die just because your kidneys fail at all you have options you can choose between hemodialysis or peritoneal dialysis and then you wait for a transplant nowadays people can live many many years while on dialysis i have seen some live around 40 years while having a normal life working having children and much more yes your quality of life decreases and yes of course a transplant is the best option but not being able to have one right away is not the end of the world just wanted opi to know that best of luck op updates am i the a-hole for saving one sister's life and not the other i've gotten a lot of requests for an update so here we are i posted a couple of months ago about my sister sarah and jade twins who both need kidney transplants and i was the only match in our family to cut a long story short they both got kidneys they each got one from the same donor our family got to meet the family of the donor and it was really emotional and amazing and they are both recovering well however before that a lot of stuff went down that i wanted to update you on there is now understandably massive divides in the family because of how my mom and the girl's dad outright demanded i give my kidney to jade because she was the golden child with a bright future while sarah was just effectively mediocre i feel less bad now saying this because she's on the road to recovery but jade is and was a flaming a-hole who made sarah's life hell i presumed sarah chose to spend most of her time with mom because we were so close but it was mostly because of how jade treated her like dirt and their dad and stepmom thought it was basically jade's right as the superior being or some bullcrap i ended up not being allowed to donate but before this as many suggested i spoke to my sisters about my decision sarah broke down in tears because it was the first time she ever felt somebody put her first she told me stories of the things that jade did with their dad's approval and i was livid she said if she was my choice she wouldn't feel guilty knowing that it might mean jade won't get a kidney i made it clear that i chose her because she is good and amazing and i loved her not because jade was a horrible person i then spoke to jade and calmly explained that i had to pick and well as she knew we weren't very close and sarah was a kindred spirit that i was always with i wasn't surprised that she was mad i mean how else would you react but i didn't expect her to spew such hate that i'm wasting my kidney and i'm probably an a-hole for it but i didn't care if she was sick i effectively said if she hadn't been such a nasty [ __ ] her whole life maybe she wouldn't be dealing with this and it's a shame that she might have only learned on what may be her deathbed that she won't always be everyone's favorite and she can't treat her and sister like dirt i have never simultaneously felt so happy and so guilty for getting something off my chest due to character counts i can't explain the crap she did but it's horrific in any case about two weeks after that jade asked me to come visit her and said she thought about what i said and i apologized and explained what i knew about everything she had done as well as the fact that sarah had already resigned herself to death because she knew the whole family would put jade first after many tears things seem to be okay now she's slowly mending bridges with sarah sarah will be moving in with me soon so she can finally have a home where she comes first jade said she would like to visit sometime too so yeah all wrapped up edits so apparently i can exceed the count after this post is up first i'm definitely skeptical of jade's sudden change of hearts i totally respect situations like these can have profound effects on people but i can't fathom being that horrific to anybody and suddenly be a whole different person when you get caught i will support her in good faith but will do my best to keep my eyes wide open for anything suspicious that makes me think she isn't being sincere obviously a lot of people are asking about the things jade did and i can't share all of them because of the rules but when they were still in the same school things were particularly bad but the pattern continued when they were at home together i don't want to talk about everything in detail but it would be things like taking sarah's food and calling her fats sarah is absolutely not fat as in she would grab sarah's dinner and throw it in the bin then proceed to eat her own food she would sometimes do this in school as well so other people started calling her fat they shared a bedroom and jade used to deprive sarah of sleep jade would wear earplugs and set alarms randomly anytime jade woke up she would just go over and shake sarah awake then go back to sleep herself she would wait until just before school to go to sarah's bag and rip up her homework or assignments sarah said she mostly stopped doing homework the night before and just did it in between periods where jade couldn't do it anymore some other things would include hiding the tampons and pads at their dad's house they weren't supposed to go to the master bedroom and sarah would be screamed at for stealing their stepmom's tampons edit too i felt i need to make this edit to make it clear that kidney failure in general is not a massive death sentence as i have learned a lot since my original post there are amazing treatments that can let people suffering from kidney problems have decent quality of life and i don't want to misconstrue the reality of having kidney problems before i terrify anybody reading this story my on your deathbed remark was to call it what it is very over the top and a result of strong emotions and i did apologize for being so needlessly dramatic to jade not the a-hole it sounds like you may have said something to jade that she needed to hear you know what's way worse and more toxic than being straightforward to someone even if it's unpleasant holding in ill feelings and letting it fester as there is no resolution to those feelings without talking it out i hope you're right you handled this incredibly tough situation so well op i'm really happy things are starting to get better for all of you definitely not the a-hole and you're awesome posted by user yeah no way buddy titled am i the a-hole for telling my ex-husband's soon-to-be ex-wife that i and by extension my daughter will have no relationship with her i'll try to keep it short and sweet my ex-husband cheated on me with his current wife we divorced they got together and had a baby well it's some years past that point and surprise surprise he has done it again he and his wife are getting a divorce and he's probably going to marry his new affair partner within the next six months if he follows the pattern more power to him and his penis i literally do not care what he does with his life anymore but i was pretty shocked to discover that his wife reached out to me basically crying about what happens how she couldn't believe it and tell now that we're in the same camp so to speak we should maintain a relationship so our daughters can still be in each other's lives and so we can commiserate yeah i told her to take a hike and that if our mutual ex wants our daughters to hang out i was more than happy to schedule his visitation at the same time as hers so the girls could be together with their father but that there was no way i was setting up sleepovers and playdates with her i'm not bitter about it anymore i'm remarried etc but i just want nothing to do with her i haven't since the affair she about lost it crying even more about how i would keep our girls apart because we both know the ex-husband barely keeps up with visitation blah blah and how he gets when he's in a new relationship you know yes now we both know but before only i knew and she didn't seem too sympathetic about my end she brought up how when she started up with my ex she didn't know that he was married so i shouldn't hold it against her and he's the one who cheated not her but i really don't care about any of that anyway she obviously called me an a-hole though not in so many words my sister is also saying i should think about my daughter's potential relationship with her half-sibling but i think that should be on her father to orchestrate if it's important for him that his children bond and have a relationship so lay it on me am i the a-hole edits popular questions my daughter is eight almost nine and her daughter is close to seven either about to turn or just turned my daughter is completely indifferent to her half-sister and her dad's side for various reasons explained in the comments but suffice to say the indifference isn't new they don't have and never had a sisterly relationship according to my daughter she does not have any specific desire to see her but is presumably fine seeing her while they are both with their father but if she did want to hang out with her we would make it happen edits also asked about the state of schedule my daughter sees her father generously eight to ten times a year never more than a week usually for a day or two between two to four of those are with his wife and daughter this is likely to decrease slightly since he's in a new relationship assuming the same pattern continues the girls will probably still see each other at least three times a year a bit in the summer for one fall holiday and for father's day i've also encouraged her in the past to attend the daughter's birthday parties at least briefly my daughter is very close with my other daughter and her stepfather which likely contributes to her disinterest but isn't something i can really control i've never bad-mouthed her father his wife or other sister but they just don't really sit prominently on our day-to-day radar i guess my take from this one is not the a-hole i don't get why she's so bitter like this is something you could have easily seen coming if he's willing to cheat with you he's going to cheat on you i feel like that's something you could see coming from a mile away and the daughter is obviously indifferent she doesn't care so i don't know why this woman is making such a big deal about the children's bonding together i don't get that it's obvious that they don't get along that well and they don't want to see each other so op is not the a-hole updates am i the a-hole for telling my ex-husband soon to be ex-wife that i and by extension my daughter will have no relationship with her after reading all the replies to my last post i decided to sit my daughter down again just to make absolutely sure she wasn't interested in spending time with her half-sister outside of going to her father's i explained to her that her feelings are the only ones that matter to me about it not mine not her stepmoms and not her dads she once again said that she doesn't want to lose her time with her friends or other people that she likes to have to hang out with her half-sister and that seeing her at their dads is enough for her i reminded her that they are siblings and she rolled her eyes and once again asked if she could go play switch that seems settled for now since it's summer i tried to orchestrate a time for us all to talk about when the girls could possibly go to their fathers but during that meetup a bunch of other stuff erupted surprising no one my ex-husband's new girlfriend is in fact pregnant and they have plans to move in together his soon-to-be ex-wife had a meltdown and now their daughter is staying with his ex's mother indefinitely she tried to reach out to me again but this time i didn't even bother responding their divorce is already turning into a crap show and frankly i want no part in any of it including subjecting my daughter to it fortunately my ex doesn't seem to be bothered by the current prospect of not seeing either of his daughters for the next few months for now he takes my daughter out on day trips and maybe once a month he'll take them out together during the summer if his ex is allowing him to see her which currently she's not i do feel badly for the little girl whose life is being torn apart especially since she's old enough to have these memories imprinted on her i do feel fortunate that my daughter was too young to remember my divorce though it wasn't this acrimonious still my family and i are going to stay the course of our life and try to stay away from the current dumpster fire that's happening over there once things settle down i'm still open to working out visitation such that all the children can see one another but i won't have a direct relationship with my husband's new ex or his daughter for the foreseeable future it always amuses me when women who met their partner whilst he was in a relationship and were happy for him to cheat with her are then surprised when he does the same to them as the saying goes when a man marries his mistress he creates a vacancy it's surprising and then it's not they always convince themselves that they are very special people with very special reasons for getting involved with a married man and of course he isn't going to cheat on me like he cheated with me because i am very special and will fix him with my specialness the wife is not very special and that's why she got cheated on if you read enough why i cheated stories you'll learn quickly that they are not very special even a little bit and that all of their stories are pretty much the same my ex-husband's affair partner sold a t-shirt online with her face on it men's sizes only she is very special posted by user um don't know what to say titled am i the a-hole if i kick my brother 30 male the golden child out for cursing at me in my own house where he doesn't pay or do anything while i 28 female was looking for a job my brother 30 offered to help and i moved in with him i was so grateful i cleaned the house prepared our meals did everything around the house my boyfriend 29 felt responsible for me and brought bags of groceries every day to compensate for what i ate after a month i threw away a trash bin swarming with worms i replaced it with the exact same thing my brother told me i had no right and kicked me out i moved in with my boyfriend the next day my mother calls and i never tell her anything she said it is your fault it is his house you don't have the right to his stuff he is your brother you gotta obey him not long after i found an amazing job and house boyfriend and i moved in together i wanted to help my brother and told him that he could live with us for a couple of months save money and move into a better place i told him not to worry about the rent and other utilities because we are family he did nothing around the house i bought a tv my brother became obsessed with he would watch tv all day every day one day i told my brother dinner was ready he turned the tv on and left the room i was laying the table and i opened a news channel he came back and complained switched the channel back i told him we should watch something that we can all enjoy he insisted that he came first he was going to watch what he wanted to watch i told him to switch back he did not i told him to give me the remote control and he did not after demanding the remote control the tenth time he threw it on the floor i told him he cannot throw stuff in my house because it did not belong to him i told him that he was not doing anything in the house to help but at least let us rest and enjoy our day while we can for context my boyfriend and i both study for our post-graduates have jobs and work in the house he screamed and cursed next day my mother called and asked what happened and i refused to answer she then told me it was my fault and told me to be polite to him because he was a guest he was my brother and i got to obey him two weeks ago i broke my ankle last friday i was working on my assignments with this excruciating pain in my uncle my mother called and i refused to make a comment on the fight she then started to cry saying that the brother had to order takeouts we did not have food i then realized i was so busy working and trying to make it to the deadline that i forgot to eat it was not important of course my brother had to order takeouts unthinkable today my brother said as your brother i came and am apologizing for cursing at you i know i am right in the fight so i expect you to apologize i told him i did nothing wrong and was not going to apologize he told me i was sick in the head he was saying things as if my mother was talking he told me i had narcissistic personality disorder he was done and i was dead to him my boyfriend told me that my brother suffers from favoritism am i the a-hole if i want to cut contact with them and kick him out of my house no i i mean like if you want to cut contact with your mum and your brother you know more power to you op what is this baby doing in your house oh no he's not paying rent and you didn't buy food so he has to starve oh wait no he has to order take out i'm losing brain cells here ob i'm really losing brain cells man needs to just be kicked out let him go live by himself let him find his better place now that he's had time to do it and uh he can go spread his wings if he wants that's that's cool with me but you're not the a-hole and i suggest you do kick him out and cut contact not the a-hole because it's your brother's house you have to obey him don't even get me started on that and now he's in your house and you still have to obey him because he's your brother no it's because he's a man and your mum is encouraging this misogynistic bs he can go live with her if she's that concerns well that's my sexist mother there i'm sorry you have to deal with that i think you've been more than nice letting him stay with you even after the way he treated you before i just want a normal happy family you're going to have to try to build that with your boyfriends because unfortunately your mother and brother aren't it's boyfriend is a keeper nice opie i'm happy for you updates am i the a-hole if i kick my brother out for cursing at me in my own house where he doesn't pay or do anything hello reddit after reading your comments and discussing them with my boyfriend i decided to call my mother and explain what really happens so i called and tried to tell them the story from my perspective i started off by saying that i am not her and her world views do not necessarily reflect mine she interrupted me 100 times as she does she did not even try to see things from my side as we all guessed she sided with my brother it was a one hour call so i might skip certain things but i remember her blaming me for leaving food in the refrigerator for my brother apparently paying the bills cleaning doing the laundry and cooking are not enough i also have to call him to the table and make sure he does eat her exact words were you are treating him as if he's a stray dog i will let this sink in for you guys surprisingly she did not know that my brother does not pay for anything it's very convenient my brother forgot to tell her this she denied always siding with him and i told her to give me one example when she sided with me she could not well of course at the end of alcohol i told her i'm used to not having a mother in my life but if she truly loves my brother she should stop spoiling him he never had a girlfriend doesn't have friends and is the most selfish person i have ever seen he expects everything to be served on a silver platter she was shocked as if she never realized that my brother doesn't have anyone beside us i told her to think about what i told her and call me back in two hours if she agrees with me she did call to my surprise and told me that i'm a very compassionate and a good-hearted girl this could be the very first time she ever said something nice about me i thanked her and asked for a favor but she will have to accept beforehand she agreed and i told her to stay out of our arguments with my brother he always thinks he's in the rights because she sides with him unconditionally it's always two versus one against me we will see if she keeps her promise later that night i walked in my brother's room and told him i was hurt not because he threw the tv remotes or not following the rules but because i don't deserve to be called names in my own house at the age of 28. he apologized for swearing and screaming and agreed not to do that anymore i told him i'm not the sole decision maker in our house and i have to respect my boyfriend's wishes as well since he's been a burden for us emotionally financially and physically we both appreciate if he could find his own place as soon as possible i told him even though he kicked me out i will never do that to him boyfriend told me he can stay with us until he finds his own place he is still with us he tries to help around the house and yesterday he asked if he could watch tv lol boyfriend knows he's a keeper now thank you all for your kind words and i apologize if i offended anyone in any way hopefully your mum will stick to her word old habits are hard to break but it sounds like what you said made an impact you and your boyfriend are incredibly generous people and i hope everything works out thank you coming back to this sorry it's so much later but remember it'll be hard for her to break these old habits so if there is a time where she gets involved just remind her of that conversation and that you don't need to talk to her about it it's highly unlikely that she will keep her promise because she never does i just wanted to give it a chance if it doesn't work we can always go back to our lives we don't have to be lovey-dovey but just respect each other well we will see it's amazing what you've done for your brother after everything he's put you through you say he's got no place to go but will your mother not take him in even though things are going well right now is moving in with your mum a possibility and have you spoken to her about that situation if things get tense again definitely not the a-hole he was renting a house before but it was a pretty old dirty and inexpensive apartment i wanted to help him and i invited him to live with us for a couple of months until he saved up for a new place our mother lives in another city far away so he cannot live with her alright guys that's where i'm going to end today's video i really do hope you enjoyed it and maybe even learned something that you didn't know before if you haven't 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Channel: Markee

Views: 28,508

Rating: 4.9302325 out of 5

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: UElCnBWy_0g

Length: 35min 27sec (2127 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 11 2020