r/AmiTheA**Hole For How I Handled My GIrl's College Tuition?

g'day there guys your daily routine here it's marky and welcome back to another episode of r slash am i the a-hole if you enjoyed today's content tell me what you think of it down below what's your opinion does the first poster suck does the second one not who knows tell me what you think and have a good day thank you posted by user sad dad80 titled am i the a-hole for how i handled my girl's college tuition our family situation is complicated so let me explain my wife and i 39 male female have two 17 year old daughters the first annabelle is our biological daughter the second nishia was adopted when she was four former foster kid we also have our biological son owen 12. sounds like a very irish family so far we aren't rich but we've saved up a bit for annabelle's college nisha is a really talented track and field athlete and she had a full scholarship at a well-known university we figured we could cover one daughter's tuition the other would get a scholarship and we could save up for our son in the next six years or so here's the problem at the very end of the school year nisha was removed from the team she and a few friends got up to some teenage shenanigans not that bad i think the coach overreacted and they were all kicked off as a consequence she lost her scholarship for college i told her that she made her bed and could lie in it and that my wife and i wouldn't be paying her tuition because we are paying for annabelle nisha feels we are being unfair but we simply don't have the money to pay for both girls and it was nisha's choice that created this situation my wife thinks that we should have split the saved money between the girls and tell them to take loans for the rest but this feels like punishing annabelle for her sister's mistake am i the a-hole how do i solve this terrible mess you solve this terrible mess by splitting the money it sucks that nisha made these decisions and choices that got her kicked off the team but she's still your child and you're still obliged to help support her through college i know i've had different stances on different situations but i feel like in this circumstance nisha deserves to continue her run through uh college she's already in there i think it's fair that annabelle and nisha both get the opportunity to finish college and both should you know make some sacrifices for each other you know that the punishment to nisha is unjust and unfair and you know seems like the coach had something out for her so i think that it's perfectly reasonable that you would split the money i think the way you're handling it right now makes you the a-hole because it seems like you're not going to do it edits thanks everyone even the people who told me i was the a-hole i called a family meeting for tonight and we are going to tell the girls that we are splitting the money they both got accepted to a university about 20 minutes away so i'm going to suggest that they live with us and commute if we are really careful we might be able to cover tuition completely you're the a-hole there's no way given the information you've provided you could have saved a significant enough amount of money to pay for annabelle's tuition in the time after nisha was given this scholarship which means that you were probably saving for only annabelle all along which makes you the a-hole the money was supposed to be for both until nisha started getting noticed in grade nine she is like olympic hopeful level talented and we knew she'd get scholarship offers from the time she was 15. after that we started planning to pay for one daughter instead of two annabelle is a great young lady but she doesn't have a super high gpa or special talents that could net her a scholarship so basically nisha is extraordinary annabelle is average and the former is left on her own while the latter gets full financial support from you because of a misstep in her last year are you kidding if the money was originally supposed to be for both then you should use it for both not only that but you said yourself that you don't even believe that what she did to get kicked off the team was even that bad so essentially you'd be punishing her for what for having a crappy coach does that seem fair to you i'm trying to figure out how you have three teenage kids and you haven't been prepping for college or options for them to go to college prior to them becoming teenagers you seriously bet on a scholarship scholarships are not guaranteed no matter how special or talented you think your kid is or they may actually be taking on student loans is no joke if i am ever a parent i will do everything in my power to prevent my kids from being burdened with loans they will absolutely hinder their adulthood by carrying that debt it's unrealistic to think that a fresh 18 year old will be able to score a job right away they can pay for all college expenses you should have kept saving for all your kids and if one gets a scholarship great you have some spare emergency savings if not your child would have been covered and not need to worry about loans you also state the coach is overreacting and i'm assuming that your daughter has already been punished for whatever she did she lost the scholarship and got kicked off the team now she's gonna take on loans too unless your daughter committed some heinous crime that you're downplaying this isn't fair to her i'm not excusing teenage shenanigans outright but damn dude what the hell were you thinking updates on my girl's tuition i posted a while back about my issues paying for college for my girls things have been much better and i thought i would update you all after seeing these comments and with nisha's permission i talked to the coach about reinstating her we got it worked out and as long as nisha scrubs coolers and does the other grunt work for the rest of the season he'll let her back he offered the same punishments to some of her friends in exchange for being reinstated so far she is the only one who has agreed and i'm proud of my daughter nisha won't be losing her scholarship after all but we've put aside some of our savings for her anyway she can use it to pay for a wedding eventually or graduate school or buying a house the remainder will cover three years for annabelle and will figure out the fourth anyway i thought you all would like to know what happens thanks for giving me the kick in the pants to sort things out with my girls edits thanks to everyone for your well wishes i'm truly proud of my daughters they aren't perfect but they are wonderful young ladies for those asking i did change some details what sport my daughter plays the names etc for privacy i'd still prefer to keep that stuff private that's so great to hear i have a family member who has kicked off the basketball team for having beer in his car on school property and it still hurts him 30 years later that he missed some opportunities while i do agree kids doing stuff they shouldn't need to have consequences kids drinking as long as they're not driving or having a can in their car should not ruin their life or haunt them for 30 years hell i bought a car and a year after found the previous owners parts i was 17 and parked on school grounds that would have screwed up a lot of crap if that was found i truly had no idea it was there i bought the car from a seven year old couple one reason they had it was the wife had cancer it's wonderful that you listen to the very good advice that people not me for what it's worth offered on that thread one thing i wanted to ask though are you sure nisha isn't eligible for tuition assistance from the foster care system it may just be my states but my niece is able to attend all state schools tuition-free because she was adopted from the foster system i'm not sure if you looked into that already i just thought it would be a shame to let something like that slip through the cracks because the program may not be available or remembered since you adopted years ago in florida all children who were wards of the states or not living with their parents for a period of time prior to turning 18 are eligible for tuition coverage i just found out that i was eligible and no one cared enough to tell me my life would be entirely different if i had known and been able to take advantage of that program op please see what programs she might be eligible for posted by user one last time 1713 titles am i the a-hole for telling my step-sister i don't want to be close with her because of the way we treated each other growing up my mum died when i was six and my dad remarried when i was nine the woman he married had a daughter one year younger than me so she was eight at first i loved having a new mom she wasn't the best and will never replace my real mum but i appreciate her trying to be there for me and i'm pretty close with her and my dad at first i loved having a quote-unquote sister and we got along great i loved having a playmate during vacations and always having a player too the problems really started to amp up when i was 13 and she was 12. it seemed like no matter what i did went unpunished in her eyes and she had to mock me constantly being a hot-headed 13 year old usually meant i'd retaliate and we would have those long screaming matches till either of our parents told us to knock it off or they would send us to different parts of the house to cool off i also started playing football when i was 11 and my problem was that i was constantly getting injured in eight years eleven to eighteen i got seven major sidelined injuries on top of all of that i was kinda chubby about 180 to 210. she used to make fun of me for my injuries and my weight which were very touchy subjects for me her favorite insult was you fat [ __ ] loser or maybe if you lost some weight you wouldn't get injured so often she also loved to embarrass me when my friends wherever by bringing up dumb stuff that i did when i was like 9 or 10. my friends are great people but we tease each other a lot and would usually remember anything embarrassing we did and bring it up later so whatever she said to them would always get back i did talk with her if she could just shut up when i have my friends over and she basically told me to f off and that it's her house too at this point in my life 16 years old i am super ticked at how crappy she had treated me over the years i know i caused some of it and usually fought back when she got snippy and bratty at me but i rarely started a fight i moved out when i was 18 without ever telling her that i was moving out or saying goodbye the past five years of unpleasantness between us made me happy that i didn't have to see her a year later she moves out and i still resented her for how we treated each other we go almost two years without speaking other than on holidays and that's only really dry stuff nothing big i am now 22 and she's 21 and i got a text the other night asking why we aren't close like we were when we were kids i basically said i don't care to get along with you or get close because of how we treated each other as kids she told me to grow up and not even an hour later i get a call from my dad asking why i have so much hate for my sister for years since we have lived together i told him i'll be cordial and won't cut her out of my life but i don't need or want to be close with her am i the a-hole for not wanting to be close with my step-sister for the way we treated each other growing up and to that i say no what the hell is her problem she kept this going for six years that's six years of constant harassment and bullying and especially to the level that she did go saying you fat crippled loser jesus that's really harsh i've had people slang insults at me before but only for like momentary points of time not six years straight dear god i'm surprised you didn't resort to the normal sibling thing and start throwing a few left right hooks left right good night sister i personally wouldn't be so harsh myself but i definitely know i'd get physical with my sister if she started acting up like that that's for sure obviously i wouldn't do that anymore i'm not that kind of person i've really changed since i was 13 years old i think we can all agree op you showed considerable restraint throughout your six years of living with her and torment that she was giving you i can give you a huge green card for that one to say that you would not be the a-hole for not wanting to be close with your step-sister for the way she treated you growing up it doesn't seem like she's being sincere in her approach with this and i don't blame you for being wary of her she doesn't look like she's actually done anything to warrant a cordial friendship between you two and to that i say not the a-hole you don't owe people who treat you like crap anything i got a text the other night asking why we aren't close like we were when we were kids why is this such a trend among piece of crap people you two were never close as kids and she's trying to erase how bad she treated you when you were younger it's pathetic i hope you're able to move on with your life and surround yourself with nice people who respect you eh i don't really want to go as far as to say that she was terrible to me because in all honesty we were both terrible to each other her text was so out of the blue though last time she texted me was almost two months ago and then i get a sudden why aren't we close anymore text and it confused me if she wanted to be close small talk would have worked before asking me such a blunt question it's great that you're taking responsibility but it sounds to me like she started these conflicts at least for the most part if she can't reflect on that and get over herself enough to apologize and try to be a different better person then your decision is absolutely justified in my mind oh yeah she def started fights more than me i don't think apologizing even crossed her mind because it was just dumb kid stuff even if she did apologize i still wouldn't want to be close even when we were kids and got along we didn't have a lot in common you definitely have the right to not be close with her but consider that she might have reached an age or maturity level where she realizes things need to change i felt that way when i reached my 20s and realized i wanted to be friends with my sisters but it took some wise advice from my mother it has to start with you before i realized we were stuck in a pattern and if i wanted to break it i'd have to take some crap before they realized i wasn't being a jerk anymore this might be how your sister is feeling minus the amazing motherly advice i guess this is just an fyi honestly i do want a relationship at some point with her but some insults are a bit too fresh and could still hurt i also want to explore life without being bogged down with a friendship i don't want with a person i wouldn't like in due time i would like there to be a close bond between us just not yet totally fair a little space is absolutely okay but remember once and if you do want a better relationship it has to start with you oh i totally get that i don't hate her like at all and i know that she doesn't hate me i just don't want to be friends or close with her yet in my life not the a-hole seems like she treated you awfully all throughout your life and if you don't want to connect with her it's your decision and she can't force you to do so we both treated each other like crap so i don't really blame her for that but i don't feel like i want to be close because of how awkward and weird it would be and i don't want to fight breaking out if we do start hanging out again maybe give it a try if it ends up being awful or conflictual then you stop i may give her a chance but right now i don't really want to be close and just kind of want to live my own life before giving her a shot then tell her that perhaps i think i will tell her through all rbs i don't hate her i just don't like her updates am i the a-hole for telling my step-sister i don't want to be close with her because of the way we treated each other growing up after our text convo that led to my dad calling me asking what's wrong between us i texted her about a meet up at my place this was the first time we actually met in tongue out outside of a family gathering before she came over that realization gave me a new look in our relationship the whole sit down went well we actually got along and there wasn't any name calling or anything mean we talked about how we treated each other and this was the first time i've ever heard her apologize for how she treated me growing up and i did the same we talked about how the text convo went and i came to the conclusion that i still had the old image of how she was when i last saw her at 17 and was using that to picture her now she still kind of acts the same kind of moody but can hold it in so much better now but it's a lot better we talked it out and spent half the day together just hanging out and i will admit i enjoyed it i don't think we'll be super duper close but it's a step in the right direction and there isn't a wall of tension between us anymore i even invited her and her significant other to my sunday football party and they showed up we didn't talk much but it was nice that she put in some effort to hang out with me thank you all for the advice and comments it really came in handy and i appreciate it and this is why every time someone comes here and says my sibling treated me like crap as a child and wants to rekindle but i don't blah blah blah i feel like shaking them and saying all children a-holes and people can grow lol i'm glad i gave her another chance i don't think we will be best friends or anything even as kids when we did get along we were never best friends it's nice that my parents seem to be happy that we're at least contacting each other at least weekly instead of like once a year don't brush off that you won't be best friends you're still young and as you get older and mature you will realize the value in having a sister by the way the way you guys acted at 15 is pretty normal two hormonal kids of similar age are going to act like that in fact you guys just argued and called each other names at least you didn't fight yeah i've heard from my friends the full-on fist fights they'd get into with their siblings i don't know no matter how mad i got at her i still will never hit a girl no matter what you've not met my sister then and who knows maybe once we both have kids hopefully we will get closer if our kids are a close in age and we set up playdates or something am i the only one that after two posts is still not a hundred percent sure if op is a guy or a girl not that it matters but i can't for the life of me spotted anywhere and it bugs me thanks for the update op always like reading those lol i'm a guy i thought it was a girl with it being screaming matches with his sister and doll no offense opie i argue with my little sister too but she's an entitled 14 year old brat so there's that lol by screaming matches it was more of her screaming and me telling her to shut up or insulting her i would never hit her so all of our fights were verbal i think she may have slapped me a few times though bit of a story here in this comment but it's a good one op replies as well my big bro and i were kind of pieces of crap to each other growing up like pretty much always name-calling screaming physically fighting each other only happened a few times we'd have moments of chill and real bonding sometimes but other times it was like you know maybe murder wouldn't be that bad he probably thought the same as well lemal then he was a senior in high school something clicked we got our crap together and became friends he moved really far away for college and we still text often even if he is a really crappy texter cough cough and we somehow got an amazing relationship out of the worst most horrible nasty drivel ever i don't even know how don't ask me but my point is people can change and he's still exactly the same person he was same here to be honest but we changed in little ways that made us compatible and we put all of our crap behind us made up and now he's easily one of the first people i go to when i need to talk he's also the first person i go to to crap post but that's besides the points edits also rp knowing you're a guy now i just want to say y'all literally had the same relationship as me and my bro where two and a half years apart though that's crazy and op replies lol i thought i was the only one who had the murder thoughts i remember one time i was in my room with my buddies and yet again she starts teasing me over something i honestly can't remember but when she left i reached into my friend's bag because he had a knife and i flipped it open i then proceeded to yell at her while i waved the knife around lol my friend was pretty uncomfortable about that growing up i can't remember a single bonding moment we had from the ages of 14 to 18 but way better now ah the murder thought god such a great throwback that one we we love that thought okay and i think that's where we're going to end today's episode guys as always i do hope you enjoyed it and maybe even learn something from these stories just want to say a quick shout out to my patreon subscribers and my channel members you guys should be on the screen right now if you do see yourself i want you to give yourself a little pat on the back for being amazing and supporting me on this channel this uh little journey we're going on on the youtubes i really appreciate it and you guys enabled me to do all this amazing work so if you do see yourself i love your face and i'm happy to see you also guys if you want to pitch in your own support you don't have to but channel links are down in the description below to support the patreon the channel membership whatever you want to do it's kind of like tipping me if you feel like i'm doing a good job on this channel i will be opening up avenues for content on those in the future just right now i'm kind of bogged down and stuck in ireland but you know it is what it is anyway guys with that said i do hope you have a wonderful day today whatever you're up to i'd love to know down in the comments below i do hope you have a good day night sleep whatever you're up to today tell me and i'll see you in the next episode guys bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 19,128

Rating: 4.928072 out of 5

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: czNelV9kbBI

Length: 24min 1sec (1441 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 29 2020