Poundland Special: Weird Toys | Ashens

cheapo ah the infinite joys of the Poundland special which is something of a misnomer these days a lot of the items come from other shops like a dollar tree or 99p stores they don't even all cost a pound they might cost a dollar or have in fact cost more and been reduced down to a dollar who cares we just want to look at the funny rubbish things and my goodness here's a great one to start off with it's beast king transformable marvelous well as you can see it's a bit like Beast Wars transformers but instead of the robots changing into big scary animals they're changing into a Dalmatian I can only presume that the person the Chinese factory had seen 101 Dalmatians and decided that that was the way to go to impress the kids what does it say on the Box beast king again transformable here yeah and hmm yeah I've seen this one before the naught to three dead-eyed children right I think that eyes and mouths have been sewn shut Oh though we are naught to three taxidermied corpses of children marvellous let's keep it light the most ferocious wild animals fair enough and cool transforming robot robot cool transform bobbler marvellous it was originally three dollars before being reduced blimey something I will say that they had in the packaging nice do you look it's even got the picture of the dog in the background or a dog not this one a real one by the looks of it they have at least put the effort in to make nice packaging super changing super transformation was it change into it I've got its own doc a little girl look fantastic and weird purple inside legs evil it's got a nasty look in his eyes I must say well there we are it turns into some sort of blue face thing and uses other heads as a shield fair enough and those instructions my goodness that just looks like some weird fever dream fair enough right so what's on the back are the ones we can buy you know the most intrepid robot that's good so thunder Tigers know who we are lion number one holy Oh strange number two Thunder Tiger number three diamond elephant what what are these names we are they actually the names the characters Thunder Tiger holy Dimond elephant fair enough well these are all that animals do make more sense than the Dalmatian I suppose night leopard Thunder crazy ox probably crazy ox they're quite clearly a bug-eyed rhinoceros I'm at the excavation bear excavation bear boys make sighting an evil clever dog Oh happens probably though an evil clever dog there we are wouldn't transformers have been better if the enemy was Megatron was called evil clever gun oh dear what more could you ask for answer a toy that works we're not gonna get that let's see what this is like we've got a sword which is a weird shape and a shield which is quite a weird shape marvelous he is woof hand the mighty um they're clever evil dog doesn't look that clever maybe because it's got weird displaced pupils and as mouth doesn't open so can the old Stars and sales starve to death but don't worry it's a robot now how do we transform it again oh here we go move its shoulder blades up and back don't try this in your dog at home they really don't like it oh my god especially don't do that to your dog at home what's this I'm Bobby no you my mother what's going on okay kind of lost there oh why didn't they give proper instructions our founder hate don't worry we've found it does this slide down or something as it's moving I might be breaking it this yeah that tells us precisely [ __ ] and all marvelous hang on no there's some sort of elongation around it look at that alright learn something from it this bit is going just kind of has the head appearing it seems to be Charlie ripped their fingers to pieces on this right um Sophie I've just worked out how this works this is gonna look absolutely ludicrous and that's that yeah these can fold back somehow presumably no apparently not promise and do these legs car parts yes they do as they got feet kind of there we are he says with one piece completely stuck Oh brilliant can't help thinking when he marches into battle at gigantic dogs head stuck in his chest will be a bit of a problem I thought he's using it as a shield on that but no that is just his chest marvellous well the world will tremble in fear at the might of clever evil dog who can't even hold his own bloody shield apparently oh no there we've got it I'll get you this time Optimus Prime who probably transforms into a small Manx cat or something well thanks for that's beast king transform ball the only ways up or a haircut welcome to Doh playset have loads of fun good friends at fantastic ape and learned a staple some people will recognize this as being a ripoff of an old toy called the play-doh mop top hair shop my only memory of which is the TV adverts that went play-doh mop top shop this is the modern cheeky equivalent the idea is you stick a load of play-doh up its arse and it comes oozing out of its head like brain worms and then you cut it and then your mum tells you off because all done on the floor not two three set onions were impressed with this right it's like feeling actually I reckon this play those stuff will dried up you sakera phono bound land but let's see this top really doesn't wanna come off oh no no no we got play-doh working fine not particularly high quality stuff what does it smell of sweetness and death horrible right anyway yeah as you dinner stick the plunger in and watch as the hair magically grows parasites leaking out of my skull come on but has a child supposed to do this I can barely go on bloody hell I think the original one had like a clamp or something that you turned around to squeeze in times it really isn't happening very easily by hand some sort of industrial press out to do this come on your hair's not long enough yet you look like a member of its 80s Japanese punk band that's not look we're going for that's growing it's growing it's terrifying now it's like some sort of sea anenome or something yeah can we get the last bit in for my fingers actually having the flesh torn off them oh my goodness that's still a pretty short haircut and still pretty disturbing as you can tell as it gets longer it just all sort of falls down into a weird wormy goo can we get man naught 2 3 yeah cos 4 year-olds are really gonna be able to do that something anyway here we are who's mrs. Goggins and her amazing new haircut styled on the anti nowhere Liga or something and give it a bit of a snip and now there's mess everywhere fantastic well if you'll have a child who's really interested in parasites that can burrow through the human skull this is probably a good way to spark their interest or indeed if you've got a child whose hands are too strong and you want them to break all their frickin fingers this is the perfect way to do that maybe these stuffs gone a bit hard I don't know but I'm sure the original had some sort of cramp and twisting thing to get it to come out no idea anyway I look forward to spending the rest of my life picking all this crap up off the sofa and now the floor where it has fallen down - also why is there a scalpel that's slightly troubling mmm-hmm it just does say doh playset it doesn't specifically say hair cut maybe they are supposed to be brain parasites and you have to operate on earth in order to get them off actually if that's true that probably wouldn't be I was gonna say a boob is that a pair of shoes or something uh does that help when you're squeezing didn't give you something to hold on to oh well there's only one way to find out actually it was my stupid fault I thought it was a bone come on come on grow that hair I'm so obsessed of doing this properly I think because we probably always want to play one of these young but I never saw one yeah there we are now she's got a fantastic haircut and could go to the prom and be arrested and locked away for scientific experiment experimentation because she's clearly from another planet marvelous right what's next how about a novelty glow mask it's great for parties and yet inexplicably has a picture of a bus on the front it's a bus mask what a fixed moment yes all moments are perfect when your face tight right the front of the bus glow masters are not toys but I blow like what the hell are they then they're not scientific equipment are we not supposed to be tubes and here that glow something Oh point they fall out no they're just missing oh no they're in this tube they camouflage the macness cigar which interest is the same way they smuggle drugs in from Cuba right come on oh they're literally just those sticks that you break and chemical reaction causes glowing complexion doesn't cause coughing are these expired or something hmm well I'll turn the lights off in a second and see if these do actually glow or if they are just naked there's usually you can see something in light yeah well so plastic mask that's the front of what appears to be the long gated yellows American school bus and you then twist these around here oh yeah there's a bit of glowing going on now yeah that's better it just took a while you know you can put those around there and go Hey look at me I've got a glowing bus face but why is this a reference to hey I'm the party bus and everyone's invited we're just I'm mentally ill and want to show it off he's a glowing thing at a bus you couldn't wear this out because everybody would make the joke about every time you turning around saying hey you look like the back end of a bus haha and then you kill them and get arrested well that's one of those stupid items I've ever seen until this one welcome to super rocker star you collect yes collected one basically it's a one-armed chrome-plated Ginger Elvis who spilled a load of skittles down this front what more could you ask for so yeah you hang it up with something by the string spring even and it sort of jiggles about and this is clearly broken can we fix it kind of yeah and it's yeah it's just like Elvis is alive again and in the room and the arms breaking in another place and there seems to be tape that they've used to hold it on in the factory Wow real quality stuff here folks yeah so it's my one-armed hitchhiking ginger Elvis with a squashed head marvelous maybe these aren't skittles there is control buttons these are weird robots from the future I've got no idea but frankly I don't want this hanging up anywhere or indeed physically existing anywhere near me away you go let's look at something nicer like this military play figure oh my god yep there's cheap and then there's whatever the frickin hell this is I've been sent about four of these they've really taken people's imaginations and you can see why I mean it is the beauty of the face as you can see it's these sheer work and craftsmanship that has gone into splatting a load of gloss pink paint and then putting on some dodgy eyebrows loads of holes in the back wells cheapest plastic wibbels around but you know it doesn't matter when you can just survey the beauty of this all the time it looks like Dustin Hoffman after a particularly bad traffic accident as a distended his face grotesquely you sit down there maybe you'll be alright you know what I'm gonna change the batch on the camcorders is bloody running out ah that's better do you know I think that's the first time the batteries ever run out while I've been filming do you know why it ran out because it was a cheap Chinese copy yes the irony is not lost on me have a terrifying wrestling figure why don't you but hey he's a champion not a champion at wrestling I wouldn't have thought a champion at being freaking terrifying maybe so wrestler in badly painted jeans and become a superstar yes superstar appear to be Gary Busey um I don't really know what's going on with this guy's face he's right we bit of the eighties Batman film love that Joker written on his chest is calm gets well I say come get some but know it's missing the G come et some there we are he wants et to come back because he misses in the weirdly the head and the front arms are really rubbery does the rest of it is made out a very solid brittle plastic and a very strange figure but I think it's the face once again that's the selling point there we are wake up with those things floating an inch from your face and see how you get on one of those actually but don't worry this one isn't frightening I lied yep it's kind of mad a pirate wrestler don't really understand that the weird thing is I've actually got some pirate figures which are quite obviously wrestling figures that they've just repainted they didn't use this head because this is definitely more pirates than wrestler somebody's gonna put in the comments how there was a wrestler who looked exactly like this probably but was there one who looked exactly like this yep Pirates action playset we've seen one of these before I believe but never one that looks quite so well upset this varies with his Cutlass and his telescope because he's a proper pirate and in no way quite obviously a wrestling figure that's been painted and had a silly hat stuck on look at the face man it's nice and even there sculptured particularly compares the others but he just looks so depressed so being a pirate is the worst thing ever I can only assume he wanted to be a ninja and didn't make it we are captain you sit over there with the terrifying faced wrestlers and let them eat you at some stage and lastly but well definitely leastly mega heroes super action figures yep it's just another one of these crappy cheap Power Rangers ripoffs with all the flavors of the rainbow blueberry licorice lime strawberry and of course our favorite lemon but weirdly no do you get the horrible cheapy crap figures yeah they've got the obligatory red LED to blast the retinas out of any playing child but also almost completely unarticulated that horrible tiny withered arms like freaks I don't know board game counters or something what's the deal with that Jerry Seinfeld would be very confused yeah not really sure why that is that freedom and personal favorites is this beautiful mask so you can dress yourself up as a power ranger or only they make a hero except you can't because it's bloody tiny it would only be big enough for a newborn infant I think as soon as a child is a week old it would be too big for this and there's no air holes in it so I can only presume this is a device to kill newborn babies well that's always nice and incidentally that is not 2/3 sad onions for that one just slightly odd sad onion so stylized grumpy onion well I know how it feels frankly you

Channel: ashens

Views: 1,443,963

Rating: 4.9245677 out of 5

Keywords: clever evil dog, fake transformers, fake, knock-off, bus mask, pirates, wrestlers, army, soldiers, action figure, power rangers, mask, sad onions, ashens, review, funny

Id: NpVcIBSsNSQ

Length: 17min 10sec (1030 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 18 2013